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Funny things your kid has said (3 Viewers)

St. Louis Bob said:
I took my son to the Cards game last week for his 4th birthday.

Later in the game this vendor, who looked about 16, comes down the aisle selling hot chocolate & peanuts.

So it went like this...

Vendor: "HOT CHOCOLATE, PEANUTS!!" (Walks past our seats down the aisle)

Cal: (To me) Hey! Those aren't peanuts! That's lemonade!

Me: :lol: Oh really?

Cal: Yeah!

Vendor: (Walking back up the aisle) "HOT CHOCOLATE, PEANUTS!!"

Cal: (To Vendor) HEY!!! THOSE AREN'T PEANUTS! THAT'S LEMONADE!!

Vendor: :goodposting:

Vendor: :popcorn:

Vendor: :excited:

Vendor: Um, I have peanuts here in the bag.

Cal: Oh. :lmao:
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:lmao:
 
setting: Dinner table, mom's at work, I'm serving the kids steak off the grill.

He takes a drink of milk and I give him the old "where's it from" test to make conversation.

I say "Where does milk come from?" He says "a cow"

I say "where do pork chops come from?" him "a pig"

me: "how about bacon?" him: "a pig"

he takes a bite of his steak, I ask him "where does steak come from?" him: "a cow"

a moment passes... he asks "Daddy, how do they get the steak out of those little holes?"

(think man, think! How do I tell him that steak doesn't come out of the cows utters and not ruin his meal.

Dang, Where's the wife when I need her.) Trying very hard not to laugh I say, "I'll tell you another time buddy".

a few moments pass, "Daddy? Do they have to break the cow?" me: "yes Kevin, they have to break the cow"

To my delight he doesn't slow down and finishes every bite.

 
Yesterday I had the day off and spent the whole day building a deck by myself.

At one point my wife had my 1 year old son playing in front of the sliding glass door so we could see each other while I worked, and he was fascinated with me. He kept putting his face on the glass and banging on it to get my attention.

This morning as he is having his bottle of milk, I ask him, "Hey buddy, who's your favourite builder...Bob The Builder or Daddy The Builder?"

He stared at me for 5 seconds and I thought he wasn't going to acknowledge me since he was eating.

He pulls the bottle out of his mouth, and screams, "BOOOOOOOB!" and then resumes eating.

:no:

I guess now on his "Most Interesting Things" list, he's got:

1. Mom

2. Food

3. Any piece of lint he finds anywhere

4. Bob The Builder

5. Me

 
Not the funniest thing but....

Got 3 yards of black mulch delivered yesterday - pile is by the curb.

I'm out pulling weeds, shoveling out the old mulch and my 2.5 year old daughter is "helping".

Out of the blue.

her: "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy - look at the Volcano"

me: :lmao:

Her: " THE VOLCANO - GO TO THE VOLCANO"

me: :lmao: and :o

her: getting annoyed "I'm GOING TO THE VOLCANO"

me: um ok. I continue shoveling. I look up and she's full sprint heading to the mulch pile - climbs to the top - runs back to me all covered in mulch. her: "See, the Volcano"

 
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I coach Tball for 5-6 year olds, this one boy is being raised by his mom and his sister. His dad died fighting a fire a few years ago so his mom is very protective of him. The poor kid shows up at the first game with a cup on and is forced to where one all year.

Well one game I put them in a circle and have them stretch, I then take them on a short run to the fence and back. On the way back I pass Wesley who is barely 1/2 way to the fence with the rest of the team already almost back.

Me: Wes you got to run

Wes: I can't and this isn't fair

Me: what isn't fair we are all running, even me

Wes: Yeah but I'm the only one with something between my legs

Me : :lmao: :crazy: :hot: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

I actually retold this story Wednesday night at our pizza party.

 
Worm said:
jdoggydogg said:
My five year old had a rough day a couple of weeks ago, and during his fit he said:"You're disintegrating my day!"
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:no: Good word for a 5 yr old though. :hot:
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Our cool old-timer neighbor passed away a few months back. I showed my son the memorial program I designed for this guy's service, and my son said, "That's a nice themorial." Hey, at least he tried :D
 
While driving my 3 year old shouts "for my next birthday I want a 'bitar' so I can rock and roll! Ok, mommy?"

One day we were driving and listening to Hairspray's "Good Morning, Baltimore". My 5 yo son is singing his heart out, loudly. His 5 yo GB is in the car with us and is not impressed. The GB says "I don't know anything about Hairspray, but there is a football team in Baltimore called the Ravens". My son says "it is a song, you sing it 'good morning, Baltimore'" The GB is all "Dude, it's a FOOTBALL team, the Ravens!" I was :thanks:

 
My 3 year old daughter came into my office this morning. She said "I have to go poop Daddy". I said "you want to do it my bathroom"? So she goes into the bathroom, and after a couple of minutes she yells "Daddy I did it like a big girl. I made a big log, like you do" :thumbup:

Just amazing what comes out of the little one mouth's

 
The Eunuch Maker said:
While driving my 3 year old shouts "for my next birthday I want a 'bitar' so I can rock and roll! Ok, mommy?"One day we were driving and listening to Hairspray's "Good Morning, Baltimore". My 5 yo son is singing his heart out, loudly. His 5 yo GB is in the car with us and is not impressed. The GB says "I don't know anything about Hairspray, but there is a football team in Baltimore called the Ravens". My son says "it is a song, you sing it 'good morning, Baltimore'" The GB is all "Dude, it's a FOOTBALL team, the Ravens!" I was :kicksrock:
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GM?
 
ElvisMonster said:
Bob Henry said:
After watching Alvin and the Chipmunks, she likes to blurt out "bom chicka bom bom".. oooof.
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My son started doing that recently. Had no idea where he'd picked it up. My wife thought he was saying "brown chicken, brown cow".
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That's a good one. I think I'll drop that on my wife and daughter tonight and see if they get it. :jawdrop:I'm sure my daughter will say, "Dad, you're not saying it right".
 
The Eunuch Maker said:
While driving my 3 year old shouts "for my next birthday I want a 'bitar' so I can rock and roll! Ok, mommy?"One day we were driving and listening to Hairspray's "Good Morning, Baltimore". My 5 yo son is singing his heart out, loudly. His 5 yo GB is in the car with us and is not impressed. The GB says "I don't know anything about Hairspray, but there is a football team in Baltimore called the Ravens". My son says "it is a song, you sing it 'good morning, Baltimore'" The GB is all "Dude, it's a FOOTBALL team, the Ravens!" I was :rant:
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:banned:
 
My 3yr old daughter sees a Mini Cooper drive by us.

Her: "That's a baby car!"

Wife: "Baby car?"

Her: "Yeah, a baby car! When it grows up, it will be a minivan!"

Wife: :unsure: "Well, if it's a baby car, where is its mommy?"

Her: (scanning the road intently, until a minivan drives by) "There!"

Wife: :lmao: "Where is its daddy?"

Her: (again scanning road, until a Hummer drives by) "There's the daddy!"

 
My daughter (now 6) has no filter and doesn't stop. Here's a few classics:

"I am a bladder mouth, I just keep going and going and going...."

"You were supposed to wake up early, we had to yell at ourselves to get ready for school."

"Momma made the goulash home made from scrap!".

"If you're the head coach, who is the foot coach?"

From my son:

"Document 1, Microsoft Word, I've played that before, it's not very fun."

 
Alex, my 2 yr old, is in the last stages of potty training. He won't tell me when he has to poop but sometimes I manage to sit him there at the right time and he will poop.

Just now..

Alex - Mom, you got to change my bum. I POOPED!

Me - How come?

Alex - Cause it's stuck to my balls.

 
Early_10 said:
Alex, my 2 yr old, is in the last stages of potty training. He won't tell me when he has to poop but sometimes I manage to sit him there at the right time and he will poop. Just now..Alex - Mom, you got to change my bum. I POOPED!Me - How come?Alex - Cause it's stuck to my balls.
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Awesome! :goodposting:
 
I was out of town for a few days last week for work. I got home, tucked in my little girl (4 years old) and went to tuck in my son. The following conversation then took place between my daughter and my wife.

Daughter: "Mommy, what can we do so Daddy doesn't have to work anymore"

Wife: "Well... we would need alot of money to start with"

Daughter: Jumps out of bed, grabs her "penny bank" and says "I have money, he can have it if he wants"

:fishing:

Cute and heart warming all at the same time.

 
DPRugby said:
I was out of town for a few days last week for work. I got home, tucked in my little girl (4 years old) and went to tuck in my son. The following conversation then took place between my daughter and my wife.Daughter: "Mommy, what can we do so Daddy doesn't have to work anymore"Wife: "Well... we would need alot of money to start with"Daughter: Jumps out of bed, grabs her "penny bank" and says "I have money, he can have it if he wants" :fishing: Cute and heart warming all at the same time.
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:lmao:My daughter always greets me every morning with "Daddy, you're not going to work." After hearing this today, I pointed to my work badge and she then says, "Okay, you can go to work." Thanks.
 
SuperJohn96 said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
While driving my 3 year old shouts "for my next birthday I want a 'bitar' so I can rock and roll! Ok, mommy?"One day we were driving and listening to Hairspray's "Good Morning, Baltimore". My 5 yo son is singing his heart out, loudly. His 5 yo GB is in the car with us and is not impressed. The GB says "I don't know anything about Hairspray, but there is a football team in Baltimore called the Ravens". My son says "it is a song, you sing it 'good morning, Baltimore'" The GB is all "Dude, it's a FOOTBALL team, the Ravens!" I was :fishing:
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GM?
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No, I am EM. The worst part of it was while I was driving, I really was thinking "bagoverface" smiley.
 
pats3in4 said:
My daughter always greets me every morning with "Daddy, you're not going to work." After hearing this today, I pointed to my work badge and she then says, "Okay, you can go to work." Thanks.
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My kids said similar stuff when they were younger. They'd plead with me not to go to work, then I'd say that if I didn't go to work, we'd have no money and we'd have to sell the house and live in a cardboard box. After a while, I'd say goodbye in the mornings and they'd say "bye daddy, make lots of money so we don't have to live in a cardboard box".
 
My daughter will be 3 in September. She's an absolute Angel but sometimes those terrible 2's show up.

I have my head shaved but not BIC'ed. Every once in a while she'll come up rub my head and say "Hey Buddy". Where she got that, I have no idea.

It gets me laughing everytime.

So last night she was having a fit before bed, having a tantrum, telling us NO, etc etc. We give her a timeout. I get down right in front of her, eye level.

me: "Look at daddy, look at me, look at me" - She does everything in her power to NOT look at me. I get a little closer "Look at daddy, listen" I start talking about what she did wrong, how to be good ,etc etc etc.

She finally locks on to my eyes - "Daddy has Blue eyes" , grabs my head with both hands and starts rubbing my head. "It's ok Buddy"

I couldn't keep it in. That timeout was wasted. LOL. She starts laughing, my wife starts laughing, I'm laughing - she hops out of her chair and gets in bed :popcorn:

 
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belljr said:
My daughter will be 3 in September. She's an absolute Angel but sometimes those terrible 2's show up.I have my head shaved but not BIC'ed. Every once in a while she'll come up rub my head and say "Hey Buddy". Where she got that I have no idea.It gets me laughing everytime.So last night she was having a fit before bed, having a tnatrum, telling us NO, etc etc. We give her a timeout. I get down right in front of her, eye level.me: "Look at daddy, look at me, look at me" - She does everything in her power to NOT look at me. I get a little closer "Look at daddy, listen" I start talkiong about what she did wrong, hwo to be good ,etc etc etc. She finally locks on to my eyes - "Daddy has Blue eyes" , grabs my head with both hands and starts rubbing my head. "It's ok Buddy"I couldn't keep it in. That timeout was wasted. LOL. She starts laughing, my wife starts laughing, I'm laughing - she hops out of her chair and gets in bed :popcorn:
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:lmao: :lmao:
 
After an exhausting week, during dinner, I say to my wife, "When will we ever get a break?"

6 y.o. daughter responds, "When you die".

:popcorn:

 
JEB said:
belljr said:
My daughter will be 3 in September. She's an absolute Angel but sometimes those terrible 2's show up.I have my head shaved but not BIC'ed. Every once in a while she'll come up rub my head and say "Hey Buddy". Where she got that I have no idea.It gets me laughing everytime.So last night she was having a fit before bed, having a tnatrum, telling us NO, etc etc. We give her a timeout. I get down right in front of her, eye level.me: "Look at daddy, look at me, look at me" - She does everything in her power to NOT look at me. I get a little closer "Look at daddy, listen" I start talkiong about what she did wrong, hwo to be good ,etc etc etc. She finally locks on to my eyes - "Daddy has Blue eyes" , grabs my head with both hands and starts rubbing my head. "It's ok Buddy"I couldn't keep it in. That timeout was wasted. LOL. She starts laughing, my wife starts laughing, I'm laughing - she hops out of her chair and gets in bed :bye:
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:lmao: :lmao:
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:shrug: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
 
My 4 year old daughter suddenly came up with:

"The finger points to you (putting her finger by her nose pointed at me)"

This is after she ripped one and I started laughing at her.

 
The Eunuch Maker said:
While driving my 3 year old shouts "for my next birthday I want a 'bitar' so I can rock and roll! Ok, mommy?"One day we were driving and listening to Hairspray's "Good Morning, Baltimore". My 5 yo son is singing his heart out, loudly. His 5 yo GB is in the car with us and is not impressed. The GB says "I don't know anything about Hairspray, but there is a football team in Baltimore called the Ravens". My son says "it is a song, you sing it 'good morning, Baltimore'" The GB is all "Dude, it's a FOOTBALL team, the Ravens!" I was :goodposting:
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I'm not sure I get this.
 
My 3-year old has a small wart on the back of his thumb. He was showing it off to everyone in his daycare, and said.."it's a goosebump...I got it from a goose".

The other day he was scratching himself near his groin, so I asked him if his leg itched...not looking up, he kept right at it and said, "no, my junk".

 
McJose said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
While driving my 3 year old shouts "for my next birthday I want a 'bitar' so I can rock and roll! Ok, mommy?"One day we were driving and listening to Hairspray's "Good Morning, Baltimore". My 5 yo son is singing his heart out, loudly. His 5 yo GB is in the car with us and is not impressed. The GB says "I don't know anything about Hairspray, but there is a football team in Baltimore called the Ravens". My son says "it is a song, you sing it 'good morning, Baltimore'" The GB is all "Dude, it's a FOOTBALL team, the Ravens!" I was :no:
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I'm not sure I get this.
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EM's son's GB called him 'out' for singing a song from a musical instead of talking about football.
 
McJose said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
While driving my 3 year old shouts "for my next birthday I want a 'bitar' so I can rock and roll! Ok, mommy?"One day we were driving and listening to Hairspray's "Good Morning, Baltimore". My 5 yo son is singing his heart out, loudly. His 5 yo GB is in the car with us and is not impressed. The GB says "I don't know anything about Hairspray, but there is a football team in Baltimore called the Ravens". My son says "it is a song, you sing it 'good morning, Baltimore'" The GB is all "Dude, it's a FOOTBALL team, the Ravens!" I was :lmao:
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I'm not sure I get this.
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:tinfoilhat:
 
ok . Not so funny but. Some of you may remember my thread about potty training. We're still struggling with it. Well we thought we turned a corner.

She now tells us when she "went" just after the fact. Just now - Mommy poopies, potty. My wife rushes her to the potty she hasn't gone yet. A breakthrough? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

My daughter thought it would be funny to get up and run around the house. Thank god it was solid. I just finished picked up the final asteroid. :X :whistle: :hifive: :no: ;)

 
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4 year old daughter was telling wife and I about when she was playing, she meant to say, "I was out of gas" instead she said, "I started passing gas". We all laughed once we explained the difference to her.

 
We had some friends over for dinner and were talking about how we met our spouses. After hearing each of the couple's stories, my 9 year old son gets a thoughtful look on his face and then says seriously-"I think I'm just going to hold a lottery."

The Chipmunks do a cover of Funkytown on their latest movie, and instead of the line "talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it," my kids thought they were saying "chuckleberry, chuckleberry, chuckleberry, chuckleberry." My wife and I still laugh about that one.

I was a waiter at a dennys type place during college. A young couple with a 4-5 year old daughter come in and sit at one of my tables. It was obvious that they just recently had a "talk" with her as she said "My daddy's a man and he has a penis, my mommy's a woman and she has a ######, I have a ###### too. You're a man so you have a penis. they showed me pictures and everything. I took it in stride, hardly chuckled, but the parents looked like they wanted to crawl under the table. I got a big tip-no pun intended. :thumbdown:

 
My 4 year old loves Osmosis Jones. So while driving with my wife to gramma's house my daughter says "I'm pretending there little people inside my body, and one of them just pulled the poop switch" My wife tells her that they aren't stopping for a while so she better tell the people to turn the poop switch back off.

 
My wife usually puts my daughter to bed. She'll be 3 at the end of September. Well for bedtime now she likes looking at our vacation photos that my wife put in albums. SHe has one for each of the vacations we took.

I really don't know what my wife tells her but I put her to bed. We're flipping through the album - one of the pics is us visiting ruin in Tulum, Mexico.

I do the whole look at the ship, the trees, etc etc etc.

Me: "Hey look at the old Castle" (figuring she would know castle)

her : Daddy, that's not a castle, that's MEXICO

:owned:

 
Earlier this week, the wife had this exchange with our 3 year old son.

Son (shouting from the bathroom): I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

Wife (from the bedroom): What Dylan?

Son: Wiping my own butt!!!

Wife: :goodposting:

Backstory: we have been potty training him for a while now. For the last few months, he would do it all on his own, except for the wiping part. We finally put a stop to it a couple weeks ago and told him flat out that he needs to do this.

 
If we all shaved off our eyebrows and knitted them together and then put it outside, ants might think it was a sofa! :banned:

 
Bossman said:
setting: Dinner table, mom's at work, I'm serving the kids steak off the grill.

He takes a drink of milk and I give him the old "where's it from" test to make conversation.

I say "Where does milk come from?" He says "a cow"

I say "where do pork chops come from?" him "a pig"

me: "how about bacon?" him: "a pig"

he takes a bite of his steak, I ask him "where does steak come from?" him: "a cow"

a moment passes... he asks "Daddy, how do they get the steak out of those little holes?"

(think man, think! How do I tell him that steak doesn't come out of the cows utters and not ruin his meal.

Dang, Where's the wife when I need her.) Trying very hard not to laugh I say, "I'll tell you another time buddy".

a few moments pass, "Daddy? Do they have to break the cow?" me: "yes Kevin, they have to break the cow"

To my delight he doesn't slow down and finishes every bite.
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:yes:
 
Heard this last night:

Some counties here have fireworks on the third of July rather than the 4th. So we're at the fireworks last night, and this guy tells me how he found a scared little Hispanic girl. He wanted to help find her mother, so he asked her,

"Como se llama su madre?" (What's your mother's name?)

She cries and says, "Momma!"

He's like, "Uhhhh, yeah. But I need to know her name."

"Momma!"

:link:

 
I'm caring for a newborn little girl. The kids are all anxious about helping and take turns getting her things, holding her bottle, etc. I was burping her yesterday and my 3 yr old asks why. I explain that she needs help to burp so I give her a little pat on the back until she gets up her gas. He nods and goes back to his colouring.

2 minutes later he comes back and says "my turn to beat her now."

 
My 6 year old nephew recently asked, "Why do puppies drink water out of the mom's penis?"

me: "that's not what's going on buddy"

nephew: "yes it is, and humans do it too!"

 
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