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Funny things your kid has said (2 Viewers)

My almost four year old just asked me if Big Papi is gonna get traded to the Dodgers now because he didn't run out that fly ball Damon dropped. The point is he loved Manny and loves Papi and he put that together on his own, lol. He's still 3 years old!

 
Mrs Sac: "No more stalling, young lady. Out of the tub, get dried off, and we're putting on pajamas." (Walks out of room)

Little Sac (Looking at me): "WHAT is wrong with that woman?"

 
I was driving by a cotton field with my 4 year old daughter, and had the following conversation:

Me: "Do you know what those plants are in that field?"

Her: "No"

Me: "Those are cotton plants"

Her: "Oh I heard of that before"

Me: "Do you know what gets made out of cotton?"

Her: "Sheep"

At which point I start laughing and she then says "I was just kidding, they really make cotton candy out of it." I lost it.

 
Background:

My wife teaches Spin Classes and our 4 year old thinks its the best thing ever. He often pretends to be an instructor and gets down on the ground and flails his legs as if biking and barking out riding tips.

The other day my wife is playing along and on the floor with my son.

Son: Three minutes to go! Pedal harder.

Mom: OK no problem

Son: Your legs should feel tired now.

Mom: Yeah, I'm getting a calf cramp.

Son: You need to go to the washroom then.

Me/Wife: :unsure:

 
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St. Louis Bob said:
I finally, finally got Cal, our 5 y.o. to bed. He has this Calvin wood block thing hanging on the wall. He asked me to turn it around because "Calvin is closed for the day". :goodposting:
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Bob Sacamano said:
Mrs Sac: "No more stalling, young lady. Out of the tub, get dried off, and we're putting on pajamas." (Walks out of room)Little Sac (Looking at me): "WHAT is wrong with that woman?"
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:lmao: :confused: We're potty training our 3 yo, so he's been running around naked. Occasionally he plays with his willy. So he got an erection and said "Look Mommy, I made Daddy's work" (all towers = the office building I work in)
 
Berserker Jr.: "When I grow up, I'm only going to drink milk and water.

Berserker: "Why?"

Jr.: "'Cause I don't want to be a drunk driver and get in lots of trouble."

 
I was watching the end of Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins with my 2 yo son this morning.

Cedric the Entertainer is on running screen, and my kid laughs and points the TV and yells, "DADDY!"

I ask, "What? Where's Daddy?" He waits until Cedric is back on screen and yells, "RIGHT THERE!"

Considering I'm white, I guess that means my kid isn't racist, but he does think all fat people look the same. :fishing:

 
My 2 year old was watching an animated Arthur video on the computer with his mom. In this particular episode, apparently Click and Clack the Tap-it brothers were on (Arthur's family was looking for a new car?)

Yesterday my kid picks up the remote control to our TV, puts it to his ear, and says "Hello? Car Talk Guys?" Buh-bye!" and puts the remote down.

 
I'm about 6 months pregnant and we are trying to get my son used to the idea of having a baby sister. So I try to get him to say to baby sister and give baby sister a kiss. Sometimes he will rub my belly and say "Hello baby sister butt" (he thinks saying butt is the FUNNIEST thing). One day we were all on the coach and he was cuddling with my husband. He starts to rub my husband's belly and says "Hello baby".

 
Orange Whip said:
My wife took our almost three-year-old to a playground last week. He's a friendly tot and often befriends other kids. He popped into sight at the top of a play-scape with a slightly older toddler beside him. Seeing my wife, he called down to her:"Hey Mom, this is my friend. His name is Bobo."The kid looked incredulously at my son as he walked away with a frown, "My name is Eric."
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:lmao:
 
cstu said:
Orange Whip said:
My wife took our almost three-year-old to a playground last week. He's a friendly tot and often befriends other kids. He popped into sight at the top of a play-scape with a slightly older toddler beside him. Seeing my wife, he called down to her:"Hey Mom, this is my friend. His name is Bobo."The kid looked incredulously at my son as he walked away with a frown, "My name is Eric."
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:lol:
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:) :lmao:
 
Wife is reading one of the many winnie the pooh books to our almost 4 year old boy. She is messing around and calling all the characters wrong names and he keeps correcting her like "no mommy, that is tigger..." etc. After a few of these he looks at her and says:

Mommy: I tink u need glasses

 
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tipsy mcstagger said:
Wife is reading one of the many winnie the pooh books to our almost 4 year old boy. She is messing around and calling all the characters wrong names and he keeps correcting her like "no mommy, that is tigger..." etc. After a few of these he looks at her and says:Mommy: I tink u need glasses
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:excited: I love to do this shtick too. Our boy's favorite show for the longest was Blues Clues, and I would always call the host, be it Steve or Joe, by the wrong name intentionally. And speaking of kids cussing, here's another one. Amongst all the toys, there is this toy clock that actually works and has an alarm using some barnyard animal sounds. The thing goes off at random times now though, and I often get aggravated with it, apparently more than I realize. Yesterday, it went off while we were all sitting in the living room, and Hamilton mutters "that damn old clock". There was no way I could deny that one. :lmao:
 
Boxer Grandad: You're left handed, just like me.

Boxer Princess (6): I'm both handed.

Boxer Grandad: Are you ambidextrous?

Boxer Princess: I'm not ambidextrous, I'm Catholic!

 
regularguy said:
tipsy mcstagger said:
Wife is reading one of the many winnie the pooh books to our almost 4 year old boy. She is messing around and calling all the characters wrong names and he keeps correcting her like "no mommy, that is tigger..." etc. After a few of these he looks at her and says:

Mommy: I tink u need glasses
Click to expand...
:bag: I love to do this shtick too.

Our boy's favorite show for the longest was Blues Clues, and I would always call the host, be it Steve or Joe, by the wrong name intentionally.
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:mellow: Love doing that.
 
6 year old nephew: did Jesus die on a cross?

me: yes

nephew: what's a cross

me: it's kind of like a plus sign, they hung him on it and it died.

nephew: at grandmas church they told us he drowned in a lake

me: lol

 
Working in the yard this past weekend with my oldest who's 7 and he's using the garden hose to water a plant and a tree. He's goofing around and I'm watching him have a good time and enjoying the moment. Just then he sprays the water straight in the air and screams:

"Daddy! Daddy, I can make it rain!"

Me: :yes: <looking around to see if any neighbors are within earshot> then :lmao:

 
This morning Mrs. Foos and I are in bed trying to wake ourselves up for the day and my 5 year old daughter comes in the room and says:

Hannah: Mommy, there is something wrong with my toots.

Mrs. Foos: What's the matter dear

Foos: (interjecting) Were they stinky?

Hannah: No

Foos: Were they loud?

Hannah: No

Foos: Did they echo?

Hannah: Well... a little

Foos: Did they shoot fire?

Hannah: No, no, no.

Mrs. Foos: (giving me a look) Well what is wrong honey.

Hannah: It is my poop.

Mrs. Foos: (slightly hesitant voice) You want me to come look at your poop?

Hannah: No, I already flushed it.

Foos: Well then what is wrong Hannah?

Hannah: It's my poop, there was so much of it. I never had a poop that big.

Foos: :lmao:

Mrs. Foos: Well maybe that is why your stomach was hurting yesterday.

Foos: :lmao: :lmao:

 
My wife and I are laying in bed with our 17 month son.

He's just starting to say words. A new one every other day or so.

He's lying on his side. He cuts two farts, giggles for a second.

There's a short pause...and then he looks at us and says 'Poo' and giggles some more.

Chip off the old block.

 
Speaking of chips off the old block:

After watching "Toy Story" with my 4-year-old son, my niece (age 3) said "I want a Buzz."

And my son replied: "I have a buzz and a woody."

 
watching TV last night...

WIFE: I can't wear a bikini, I'm too fat.

SON (6): You're not fat, Mommy.

WIFE: What? You tell me I'm fat all the time.

SON: No, you just have a giant butt.

me: :unsure: :lmao: :goodposting:

wife: :hot:

 
So, we ordered my daughter a bed without rails, but it's apparently on back order and I have no idea when we're getting it. The other night, she's in her bed throwing a tantrum and decides she's going to climb out. So, we hear a thud, rush in there to see what's going on, and she basically fell forward and did a face plant. She was fine, but my wife says, "Honey, you can't do that. You could have really hurt yourself. You could have broken your arm or..."

My daughter fires out with, "Don't worry, mommy. It's glued on tight."

 
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So I go pick up my kid from kindergarten today. I'm in a bit of a hurry so I quickly grab him and his bag and make our way back to the car. He mumbles something but I really can't understand something. He feels a little heavier than usual but I just figure he's put on a few pounds since my wife has been making homemade fudge as of late. I put him in his carseat and head to the drivers seat. I'm about to start the car when suddenly he says

Him: 您在哪里采取我？ 有没有乳脂软糖？

Me: :confused: ... Holy crap I got the wrong kid :rolleyes:

Him: 您是否知道我的祖父？ 您是否是他的朋友？ 您是否将给我一些乳脂软糖？

I quickly take him out of the car seat and discretely put him back with the other kids. I pick up the right kid this time and run back to the car before anybody notices what just happened.

 
Masked Vigilante said:
So I go pick up my kid from kindergarten today. I'm in a bit of a hurry so I quickly grab him and his bag and make our way back to the car. He mumbles something but I really can't understand something. He feels a little heavier than usual but I just figure he's put on a few pounds since my wife has been making homemade fudge as of late. I put him in his carseat and head to the drivers seat. I'm about to start the car when suddenly he saysHim: 您在哪里采取我？ 有没有乳脂软糖？ Me: :confused: ... Holy crap I got the wrong kid :wall: Him: 您是否知道我的祖父？ 您是否是他的朋友？ 您是否将给我一些乳脂软糖？ I quickly take him out of the car seat and discretely put him back with the other kids. I pick up the right kid this time and run back to the car before anybody notices what just happened.
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:wub: yet :rolleyes:
 
Bob Sacamano said:
So, we ordered my daughter a bed without rails, but it's apparently on back order and I have no idea when we're getting it. The other night, she's in her bed throwing a tantrum and decides she's going to climb out. So, we hear a thud, rush in there to see what's going on, and she basically fell forward and did a face plant. She was fine, but my wife says, "Honey, you can't do that. You could have really hurt yourself. You could have broken your arm or..."My daughter fires out with, "Don't worry, mommy. It's glued on tight."
Click to expand...
awwww
Masked Vigilante said:
So I go pick up my kid from kindergarten today. I'm in a bit of a hurry so I quickly grab him and his bag and make our way back to the car. He mumbles something but I really can't understand something. He feels a little heavier than usual but I just figure he's put on a few pounds since my wife has been making homemade fudge as of late. I put him in his carseat and head to the drivers seat. I'm about to start the car when suddenly he saysHim: 您在哪里采取我？ 有没有乳脂软糖？ Me: :confused: ... Holy crap I got the wrong kid :rolleyes: Him: 您是否知道我的祖父？ 您是否是他的朋友？ 您是否将给我一些乳脂软糖？ I quickly take him out of the car seat and discretely put him back with the other kids. I pick up the right kid this time and run back to the car before anybody notices what just happened.
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:wall: no way :wub:
 
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Zach NMN said:
Masked Vigilante said:
So I go pick up my kid from kindergarten today. I'm in a bit of a hurry so I quickly grab him and his bag and make our way back to the car. He mumbles something but I really can't understand something. He feels a little heavier than usual but I just figure he's put on a few pounds since my wife has been making homemade fudge as of late. I put him in his carseat and head to the drivers seat. I'm about to start the car when suddenly he saysHim: 您在哪里采取我？ 有没有乳脂软糖？ Me: :confused: ... Holy crap I got the wrong kid :unsure: Him: 您是否知道我的祖父？ 您是否是他的朋友？ 您是否将给我一些乳脂软糖？ I quickly take him out of the car seat and discretely put him back with the other kids. I pick up the right kid this time and run back to the car before anybody notices what just happened.
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:lmao: yet :mellow:
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Courtesy of Babelfish...Him: "Where are you at to adopt me? Has the butterfat soft sugar?"Me: :confused: ... Holy crap I got the wrong kid :unsure: Him: "Whether you do know me the grandfather? Whether you are his friend? Whether you will give me some butterfat soft sugar?"Sounds legit.
 
We spent a painful 5.5 hours at Silver Dollar City on Saturday with my GB, his wife & two kids.

Sunday I took Cal & my GB took his son, 3, down to the dock to go fishing. We are actually catching some blue gill when the following exchange takes place:

Cal: Dad, I want to go fishing in the sun.

Me: :headbang: Why, we are catching fish here? :shrug:

About 5 minutes later

Cal: Dad, I want to go fishing in the sun.

Me: (Again confused, the only place to fish would be the very end of the dock. I look and although she was only 15 yards away is a good looking 28-32 year old in a bikini sun bathing that I didn't notice.) Hey, you only want to go over there because of the girl!

Cal: I tell you what, you stay here and fish, I'm going to go chill in the sun. (Swear to God exact words)

Me: ool

So he walks over introduces himself and she sits up to talk to him. About two minutes later she is laughing hard and often and not that patronizing ####. Solid belly laughs. He even had my mannerisms down where you say something funny and then you sort of squish your face as if you are thinking about a trivia question and look up and away while keeping a straight face. Another 5 minutes or so later they were dangling their feet off the dock talking and she was rubbing his back which I'm sure was by his request.

My GB was totally blown away.

Cal started Kindergarten last week. :mellow:

 
St. Louis Bob said:
We spent a painful 5.5 hours at Silver Dollar City on Saturday with my GB, his wife & two kids.Sunday I took Cal & my GB took his son, 3, down to the dock to go fishing. We are actually catching some blue gill when the following exchange takes place:Cal: Dad, I want to go fishing in the sun.Me: :headbang: Why, we are catching fish here? :shrug:About 5 minutes laterCal: Dad, I want to go fishing in the sun.Me: (Again confused, the only place to fish would be the very end of the dock. I look and although she was only 15 yards away is a good looking 28-32 year old in a bikini sun bathing that I didn't notice.) Hey, you only want to go over there because of the girl!Cal: I tell you what, you stay here and fish, I'm going to go chill in the sun. (Swear to God exact words)Me: oolSo he walks over introduces himself and she sits up to talk to him. About two minutes later she is laughing hard and often and not that patronizing ####. Solid belly laughs. He even had my mannerisms down where you say something funny and then you sort of squish your face as if you are thinking about a trivia question and look up and away while keeping a straight face. Another 5 minutes or so later they were dangling their feet off the dock talking and she was rubbing his back which I'm sure was by his request.My GB was totally blown away.Cal started Kindergarten last week. :mellow:
Click to expand...
We need to give him his own thread in the Video Game Forum
 
RudiStein said:
St. Louis Bob said:
We spent a painful 5.5 hours at Silver Dollar City on Saturday with my GB, his wife & two kids.Sunday I took Cal & my GB took his son, 3, down to the dock to go fishing. We are actually catching some blue gill when the following exchange takes place:Cal: Dad, I want to go fishing in the sun.Me: :confused: Why, we are catching fish here? :shrug:About 5 minutes laterCal: Dad, I want to go fishing in the sun.Me: (Again confused, the only place to fish would be the very end of the dock. I look and although she was only 15 yards away is a good looking 28-32 year old in a bikini sun bathing that I didn't notice.) Hey, you only want to go over there because of the girl!Cal: I tell you what, you stay here and fish, I'm going to go chill in the sun. (Swear to God exact words)Me: oolSo he walks over introduces himself and she sits up to talk to him. About two minutes later she is laughing hard and often and not that patronizing ####. Solid belly laughs. He even had my mannerisms down where you say something funny and then you sort of squish your face as if you are thinking about a trivia question and look up and away while keeping a straight face. Another 5 minutes or so later they were dangling their feet off the dock talking and she was rubbing his back which I'm sure was by his request.My GB was totally blown away.Cal started Kindergarten last week. :mellow:
Click to expand...
We need to give him his own thread in the Video Game Forum
Click to expand...
No ####. He worked his magic down at the Ozarks a few weeks back. All I heard all week from 22 yo's was stuff like "man this kid is a riot."Not to mention he was giving my GB's 13 yo daughter a back massage AND getting paid for it.Fing jerkoff.
 
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St. Louis Bob said:
We spent a painful 5.5 hours at Silver Dollar City on Saturday with my GB, his wife & two kids.

Sunday I took Cal & my GB took his son, 3, down to the dock to go fishing. We are actually catching some blue gill when the following exchange takes place:

Cal: Dad, I want to go fishing in the sun.

Me: :lmao: Why, we are catching fish here? :shrug:

About 5 minutes later

Cal: Dad, I want to go fishing in the sun.

Me: (Again confused, the only place to fish would be the very end of the dock. I look and although she was only 15 yards away is a good looking 28-32 year old in a bikini sun bathing that I didn't notice.) Hey, you only want to go over there because of the girl!

Cal: I tell you what, you stay here and fish, I'm going to go chill in the sun. (Swear to God exact words)

Me: ool

So he walks over introduces himself and she sits up to talk to him. About two minutes later she is laughing hard and often and not that patronizing ####. Solid belly laughs. He even had my mannerisms down where you say something funny and then you sort of squish your face as if you are thinking about a trivia question and look up and away while keeping a straight face. Another 5 minutes or so later they were dangling their feet off the dock talking and she was rubbing his back which I'm sure was by his request.

My GB was totally blown away.

Cal started Kindergarten last week. :lmao:
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:bs: on the bolded part, but :lmao: and :lmao:
 
Conversation with my 8yo daughter last night. She is so naive.

Her: Dad, where did you go to college?

Me: I went to Lock Haven for 1 year, PSU-York for 1 year, and PSU for 3 years.

Her: You went to college for 5 years?

Me: Yep

Her: Dont most people only go for 4 years?

Me: Yep

Her: (after thinking about it for a while) Because you wanted to get extra smart, right?

Me: :sadbanana: Yep, you got it, honey

 
It was a cold and rainy Saturday morning towards the end of June. My wife, 7 year old son and I decide to go down to the local Farmer's Market. Typically the drive takes 5-10 minutes. But driving down the hill towards town we got stuck behind a 1920's Model T going 10mph. After that we wound up behind another casual driver who wound up slowing down as we neared every traffic light to the point where we caught every single one of them RED.

I'm getting a little angry and begin to mutter (loudly). So I make a quick turn down a side street to get around this guy, and as I get nearer to the parking garage I turn down a one way street only to find my way barred by numerous police cars and fire engines.

"Son of a #####!" I yell. "This is ####### outrageous!"

Normally I'm a pretty reserved guy and I'm not sure why I was so enraged. But I continue my tirade as we wind up taking a very indirect route to get to the parking garage.

The whole time my son is sitting in the back very quiet.

20 minutes after we had left the house we FINALLY park the car and walk up and out into the downtown Farmers Market. As we come to a cross street our way is barred by the Gay Pride Parade, which is marching through the downtown streets.

"Oh so this is what took us so long to get here today" I calmly say to my wife.

My kid looks up at me and says "So Dad you mean the parade is what got you so mad?"

"Yes" I reply not really considering my answer.

Suddenly my son bolts out into the street and raises his fist into the air and starts to yell at the people participating in the parade...

"SHAME ON YOU! SHAME ON YOU! SHAME ON YOU PEOPLE "

I hastily pull him out of the parade before the riot I envision ensues.

 
My wife to her kindergarten class when the power went out: "Don't worry, the lights just went out because a transformer blew up."

5 year old student being dead serious: "I bet it was Optimus Prime!"

 
Our son is only 17 months old, so naturally his vocabulary is pretty limited. He is trying to say "fork" right now, but needless to say it sounds like the f bomb. We had to put it on video the other night. My new favorite saying is "Fork You"

 
My oldest son, when he was about 3 went through an F-Bomb stage. Admittedly it was probably me that he got it from as I wasn't as careful as I should have been in what I said in front of him. I quickly learned that they are sponges and repeat everything and have been more careful with all my kids since then, but that wasn't until after this embarrassing incident. So an electrician comes to our house to do some work and this guy is about 300-350 pounds. He heads upstairs and the stairs are creaking like he is going to fall right through them. My son runs to the bottom of the stairs, looks up at the guy and screams "You're breaking the f--king stairs!!!"

 
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6 year old daughter: "How come when kids poop it's really fast, but when mommies and daddies poop it takes a long time?"

 
Was picking my 6 yr. old son up from the babysitter and as he came walking through the living room, he had his shirt off (not sure why). A little girl looked at him and said "ewwwwwwwwww, that's gross". Without missing a beat my son says "You better get used to it, sweetie, or you will be alone for a long time. -- The boy has a point.

Same day....

Took the kids with me to the grocery store to pick up a few items. One of the items was pancake syrup, so I grabbed a bottle and tossed it in the cart. You would think it was as simple as that. Well, Trevor grabs it right back out of the cart and proceeds to "read" the label. He then says "Mom, we should get Mrs. Buttersworth instead." I asked him why (any reason he could possibly come up with at this point would be funny), and he responds "well, the lady on the commercial said Mrs. Buttersworth is better than the leading brands and I am pretty sure this is the leading brand (while looking at me completely serious and pointing to the label)." Well... Okay then... Who could argue with that? Not me. I put back the syrup I had and bought Mrs. Buttersworth.

 
My daughter has heard a few "F words"...so when she gets really upset she has been know to let one fly. What makes it funny is that she couldn't pronounce "F" so it came out sounding like a "P". For example: "Fat" would be "Pat", etc. So the wife and I are in the living room and we can hear her bedroom door continually open and then slam shut...after a few times, my wife says: "Quit slamming your door!". The kid stomps out into the living room and says "IT'S THE PUCKIN' WIND!" and stomps back to her room. We laughed for 10 minutes over that one.

She told me a few weeks later after I heard her screaming at the dog..."THAT PUCKIN' DOG ATE MY BARBIE!". I couldn't yell at her...it was way too funny.

She also couldn't pronounce the "L" within many words. "Clock" would be "C*ck". Imagine my surprise walking through the clock aisle at target when she says "Look Daddy! I like that BIG BACK C*CK!"

 
On the phone with my wife and I overhear my 5 y.o in the background.

"Momma! I just accidentally tooted on my hand, and then I smelled my finger and it smelled like yuck."

 
My wife likes to watch TLC and there is ALWAYS a gay guy on these shows (I think its the law). My 6 year old asked 3 different times last week "Why does that guy talk funny?" The wife and I laughed. :lmao:

 
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