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Funny things your kid has said (1 Viewer)

The Eunuch Maker said:
I took my 7yo daughter to see a friend's dance class perform. At the place, there were booths and people selling stuff. We were walking around collecting swag and we come up to this table with a guy selling coffee mugs. He is all passionate about these dark mugs that, when they get the hot liquid in them, have a bright picture come out. He says to my 7yo daughter "Do you see the pretty rainbow, honey?" She says "yeah, but you know they make a beer that you can tell when it is cold enough because the mountains turn blue."The other day I told my 5yo son how handsome I thought he was. Then I asked him if boys like it when their mom's say they are handsome. He said yes. Then I asked him if I could tell him around his friends. He said only his friends that don't have ears.Last one today: The other night we went to Applebee's. They have .99 kids' meals on Sundays, so for $6 they all get their chicken and french fry fix. Anyway, the 5 yo boy asks if we have to clean up the table when we are done. I said "no, that's part of the price you pay for your meal, it includes them cleaning up." He says, "when I grow up, I am only going to eat at Chick Fil A so I don't have to pay extra for them to clean up."
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I don't get any of these. I want to laugh too.
 
The Eunuch Maker said:
The other day I told my 5yo son how handsome I thought he was. Then I asked him if boys like it when their mom's say they are handsome. He said yes. Then I asked him if I could tell him around his friends. He said only his friends that don't have ears.
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:lmao: Witty 5yr old you have there!
 
Last week my 5 yr old son screamed for me from the bathroom.

Him: “Dad! Come quick! I just threw up!!"

Me: (opens door and sees him sitting on toilet) “What do you mean you threw up – where is it?”

Him: “In the toilet.”

Me: “So you threw up, and now you’re pooping?”

Him: “No. I threw up out my butt.”

Me: “Dude, what are you talking about.”

Him: “I puked out my butt – look (hops off toilet and points in bowl), it’s clear.”

Me: “Buddy, have you ever pooped out your mouth?”

Him: “No. That would be gross and impossible.”

Me: “Right, and you don’t puke out your butt either. If it comes out of your butt, it’s poop, even if it’s clear.

Him: “Wow. That's cool.”

:lmao:

 
Went through a dunkin donuts the other day. When we are at the window, the guy saw my daughter and said "hi" to her in his thick accent. After we pulled away, my daughter was so excited she exclaimed "Daddy, I can't believe I just talked to a REAL Indian!".

 
The Noid said:
In response to my mom telling my 5 year-old he needs to be good this time of year because Santa is watching and he might get coal:"That's ok, I'll just use it to make diamonds and sell them to buy my own toys."
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:coffee: the force is strong with this one
 
Primetime Players said:
Went through a dunkin donuts the other day. When we are at the window, the guy saw my daughter and said "hi" to her in his thick accent. After we pulled away, my daughter was so excited she exclaimed "Daddy, I can't believe I just talked to a REAL Indian!".
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I don't get this one.
 
The Eunuch Maker said:
FFMaster said:
Primetime Players said:
Went through a dunkin donuts the other day. When we are at the window, the guy saw my daughter and said "hi" to her in his thick accent. After we pulled away, my daughter was so excited she exclaimed "Daddy, I can't believe I just talked to a REAL Indian!".
Click to expand...
I don't get this one.
Click to expand...
Maybe you shouldn't read this thread anymore.
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I'm sorry I just didn't get it. Who was the Indian?
 
FFMaster said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
FFMaster said:
Primetime Players said:
Went through a dunkin donuts the other day. When we are at the window, the guy saw my daughter and said "hi" to her in his thick accent. After we pulled away, my daughter was so excited she exclaimed "Daddy, I can't believe I just talked to a REAL Indian!".
Click to expand...
I don't get this one.
Click to expand...
Maybe you shouldn't read this thread anymore.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry I just didn't get it. Who was the Indian?
Click to expand...
now imagine it was a 7-11:thankyoucomeagain:
 
My in-laws live in the area, so my daughter gets to see them pretty regularly. My parents live in the midwest, so she only gets to see them a couple times a year. She knows she has two grandmas, but when you just say, "grandma", she of course thinks of the one she sees all the time. Occasionally we have to correct her and say, "No, your other grandma."

After a few days of visiting my parents, my mom says, "I'll bet your other grandma sure misses you."

My daughter fires back, "You are 'other' grandma."

It was everything I could do to stifle a laugh. My mom didn't think it was so funny.

Now they're "Gandma with the fountain" and "Grandma with the dog" until we can get her to understand Grandma T and Grandma G.

 
The Eunuch Maker said:
I took my 7yo daughter to see a friend's dance class perform. At the place, there were booths and people selling stuff. We were walking around collecting swag and we come up to this table with a guy selling coffee mugs. He is all passionate about these dark mugs that, when they get the hot liquid in them, have a bright picture come out. He says to my 7yo daughter "Do you see the pretty rainbow, honey?" She says "yeah, but you know they make a beer that you can tell when it is cold enough because the mountains turn blue."

The other day I told my 5yo son how handsome I thought he was. Then I asked him if boys like it when their mom's say they are handsome. He said yes. Then I asked him if I could tell him around his friends. He said only his friends that don't have ears.

Last one today: The other night we went to Applebee's. They have .99 kids' meals on Sundays, so for $6 they all get their chicken and french fry fix. Anyway, the 5 yo boy asks if we have to clean up the table when we are done. I said "no, that's part of the price you pay for your meal, it includes them cleaning up." He says, "when I grow up, I am only going to eat at Chick Fil A so I don't have to pay extra for them to clean up."
Click to expand...
As a former waiter I hate people that think this way. Absolutely disgusting the huge mess that some parents let their kidsmake and then leave. NOTE: The price you pay for you meal DOES NOT pay for the waiter/waitress to clean up after your kids. THE TIP DOES. So if you just sit there and watch your kid make a mess (especially if you sit there and laugh like it's funny), you better break the bank with the tip.

 
Big said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
I took my 7yo daughter to see a friend's dance class perform. At the place, there were booths and people selling stuff. We were walking around collecting swag and we come up to this table with a guy selling coffee mugs. He is all passionate about these dark mugs that, when they get the hot liquid in them, have a bright picture come out. He says to my 7yo daughter "Do you see the pretty rainbow, honey?" She says "yeah, but you know they make a beer that you can tell when it is cold enough because the mountains turn blue."

The other day I told my 5yo son how handsome I thought he was. Then I asked him if boys like it when their mom's say they are handsome. He said yes. Then I asked him if I could tell him around his friends. He said only his friends that don't have ears.

Last one today: The other night we went to Applebee's. They have .99 kids' meals on Sundays, so for $6 they all get their chicken and french fry fix. Anyway, the 5 yo boy asks if we have to clean up the table when we are done. I said "no, that's part of the price you pay for your meal, it includes them cleaning up." He says, "when I grow up, I am only going to eat at Chick Fil A so I don't have to pay extra for them to clean up."
Click to expand...
As a former waiter I hate people that think this way. Absolutely disgusting the huge mess that some parents let their kidsmake and then leave. NOTE: The price you pay for you meal DOES NOT pay for the waiter/waitress to clean up after your kids. THE TIP DOES. So if you just sit there and watch your kid make a mess (especially if you sit there and laugh like it's funny), you better break the bank with the tip.
Click to expand...
:lmao: P.S. that was an "at you" not a "with you"

 
Big said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
I took my 7yo daughter to see a friend's dance class perform. At the place, there were booths and people selling stuff. We were walking around collecting swag and we come up to this table with a guy selling coffee mugs. He is all passionate about these dark mugs that, when they get the hot liquid in them, have a bright picture come out. He says to my 7yo daughter "Do you see the pretty rainbow, honey?" She says "yeah, but you know they make a beer that you can tell when it is cold enough because the mountains turn blue."

The other day I told my 5yo son how handsome I thought he was. Then I asked him if boys like it when their mom's say they are handsome. He said yes. Then I asked him if I could tell him around his friends. He said only his friends that don't have ears.

Last one today: The other night we went to Applebee's. They have .99 kids' meals on Sundays, so for $6 they all get their chicken and french fry fix. Anyway, the 5 yo boy asks if we have to clean up the table when we are done. I said "no, that's part of the price you pay for your meal, it includes them cleaning up." He says, "when I grow up, I am only going to eat at Chick Fil A so I don't have to pay extra for them to clean up."
Click to expand...
As a former waiter I hate people that think this way. Absolutely disgusting the huge mess that some parents let their kidsmake and then leave. NOTE: The price you pay for you meal DOES NOT pay for the waiter/waitress to clean up after your kids. THE TIP DOES. So if you just sit there and watch your kid make a mess (especially if you sit there and laugh like it's funny), you better break the bank with the tip.
Click to expand...
;) After my kids and I finish our meal, we gather up all our dishes and stack them nicely for the waiter/waitress to collect them. We also make sure they did not drop any food. I do not feel it is their job to clean up after my children (not that my children act like animals). Going out just means that I do not have to prepare the meal or do the dishes. :wub:

 
Jaysus said:
Big said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
I took my 7yo daughter to see a friend's dance class perform. At the place, there were booths and people selling stuff. We were walking around collecting swag and we come up to this table with a guy selling coffee mugs. He is all passionate about these dark mugs that, when they get the hot liquid in them, have a bright picture come out. He says to my 7yo daughter "Do you see the pretty rainbow, honey?" She says "yeah, but you know they make a beer that you can tell when it is cold enough because the mountains turn blue."

The other day I told my 5yo son how handsome I thought he was. Then I asked him if boys like it when their mom's say they are handsome. He said yes. Then I asked him if I could tell him around his friends. He said only his friends that don't have ears.

Last one today: The other night we went to Applebee's. They have .99 kids' meals on Sundays, so for $6 they all get their chicken and french fry fix. Anyway, the 5 yo boy asks if we have to clean up the table when we are done. I said "no, that's part of the price you pay for your meal, it includes them cleaning up." He says, "when I grow up, I am only going to eat at Chick Fil A so I don't have to pay extra for them to clean up."
Click to expand...
As a former waiter I hate people that think this way. Absolutely disgusting the huge mess that some parents let their kidsmake and then leave. NOTE: The price you pay for you meal DOES NOT pay for the waiter/waitress to clean up after your kids. THE TIP DOES. So if you just sit there and watch your kid make a mess (especially if you sit there and laugh like it's funny), you better break the bank with the tip.
Click to expand...
:lmao: P.S. that was an "at you" not a "with you"
Click to expand...
Well, congratulations for never having to work in the food industry. You are obviously a much better person than I.
 
I was babysitting my nephew who is 3, one afternoon, and decided to take him to the mall so he could ride the merry-go-round. We pull up to the mall and he says: 'I know this place. This is where mommy lives!'.

I almost wrecked the car!

 
JEB said:
FFMaster said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
FFMaster said:
Primetime Players said:
Went through a dunkin donuts the other day. When we are at the window, the guy saw my daughter and said "hi" to her in his thick accent. After we pulled away, my daughter was so excited she exclaimed "Daddy, I can't believe I just talked to a REAL Indian!".
Click to expand...
I don't get this one.
Click to expand...
Maybe you shouldn't read this thread anymore.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry I just didn't get it. Who was the Indian?
Click to expand...
now imagine it was a 7-11:thankyoucomeagain:
Click to expand...
I read this in the apu voice.
 
Big said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
I took my 7yo daughter to see a friend's dance class perform. At the place, there were booths and people selling stuff. We were walking around collecting swag and we come up to this table with a guy selling coffee mugs. He is all passionate about these dark mugs that, when they get the hot liquid in them, have a bright picture come out. He says to my 7yo daughter "Do you see the pretty rainbow, honey?" She says "yeah, but you know they make a beer that you can tell when it is cold enough because the mountains turn blue."

The other day I told my 5yo son how handsome I thought he was. Then I asked him if boys like it when their mom's say they are handsome. He said yes. Then I asked him if I could tell him around his friends. He said only his friends that don't have ears.

Last one today: The other night we went to Applebee's. They have .99 kids' meals on Sundays, so for $6 they all get their chicken and french fry fix. Anyway, the 5 yo boy asks if we have to clean up the table when we are done. I said "no, that's part of the price you pay for your meal, it includes them cleaning up." He says, "when I grow up, I am only going to eat at Chick Fil A so I don't have to pay extra for them to clean up."
Click to expand...
As a former waiter I hate people that think this way. Absolutely disgusting the huge mess that some parents let their kidsmake and then leave. NOTE: The price you pay for you meal DOES NOT pay for the waiter/waitress to clean up after your kids. THE TIP DOES. So if you just sit there and watch your kid make a mess (especially if you sit there and laugh like it's funny), you better break the bank with the tip.
Click to expand...
:shrug: That's why I like working at a golf club.
 
When my son was five, he gave me his life philosophy:

If you have a problem, it's your problem. You cannot blame anyone else for your problem. It's yours.

:shrug:

When my son was six, at the Detroit-Windsor border crossing:

"Sir, we're doing random vehicle searchs today. Would you mind pulling off to the side on the right where those officers are?"

from the back of the car:

Hey, we're from America! We live in the land of the free!

;)

 
Dreamer said:
My 3rd grade son has to use his spelling words in sentences, one of the words was wonder.

His sentence was "I wonder why my teacher is always angry?".

:wolf:
Click to expand...
To update, she never sent this homework home like she does all the others. I imagine it's on her refrigerator or in his permanent record. :D
 
Big said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
I took my 7yo daughter to see a friend's dance class perform. At the place, there were booths and people selling stuff. We were walking around collecting swag and we come up to this table with a guy selling coffee mugs. He is all passionate about these dark mugs that, when they get the hot liquid in them, have a bright picture come out. He says to my 7yo daughter "Do you see the pretty rainbow, honey?" She says "yeah, but you know they make a beer that you can tell when it is cold enough because the mountains turn blue."

The other day I told my 5yo son how handsome I thought he was. Then I asked him if boys like it when their mom's say they are handsome. He said yes. Then I asked him if I could tell him around his friends. He said only his friends that don't have ears.

Last one today: The other night we went to Applebee's. They have .99 kids' meals on Sundays, so for $6 they all get their chicken and french fry fix. Anyway, the 5 yo boy asks if we have to clean up the table when we are done. I said "no, that's part of the price you pay for your meal, it includes them cleaning up." He says, "when I grow up, I am only going to eat at Chick Fil A so I don't have to pay extra for them to clean up."
Click to expand...
As a former waiter I hate people that think this way. Absolutely disgusting the huge mess that some parents let their kidsmake and then leave. NOTE: The price you pay for you meal DOES NOT pay for the waiter/waitress to clean up after your kids. THE TIP DOES. So if you just sit there and watch your kid make a mess (especially if you sit there and laugh like it's funny), you better break the bank with the tip.
Click to expand...
Yes it does.
 
My 3 year old has trouble pronouncing the letter "P". For example, our dog "Freckles", is known as "Preckles". Anyway, my wife hears our daughter's door open, then slam shut, some stomping, door opens, slams shut, etc multiple times and the wife finally says "Quit slamming your door! (from the other room). So our angry daughter stomps into the room and yells "IT'S THE PUCKIN' WIND!".

 
tipsy mcstagger said:
Big said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
I took my 7yo daughter to see a friend's dance class perform. At the place, there were booths and people selling stuff. We were walking around collecting swag and we come up to this table with a guy selling coffee mugs. He is all passionate about these dark mugs that, when they get the hot liquid in them, have a bright picture come out. He says to my 7yo daughter "Do you see the pretty rainbow, honey?" She says "yeah, but you know they make a beer that you can tell when it is cold enough because the mountains turn blue."

The other day I told my 5yo son how handsome I thought he was. Then I asked him if boys like it when their mom's say they are handsome. He said yes. Then I asked him if I could tell him around his friends. He said only his friends that don't have ears.

Last one today: The other night we went to Applebee's. They have .99 kids' meals on Sundays, so for $6 they all get their chicken and french fry fix. Anyway, the 5 yo boy asks if we have to clean up the table when we are done. I said "no, that's part of the price you pay for your meal, it includes them cleaning up." He says, "when I grow up, I am only going to eat at Chick Fil A so I don't have to pay extra for them to clean up."
Click to expand...
As a former waiter I hate people that think this way. Absolutely disgusting the huge mess that some parents let their kidsmake and then leave. NOTE: The price you pay for you meal DOES NOT pay for the waiter/waitress to clean up after your kids. THE TIP DOES. So if you just sit there and watch your kid make a mess (especially if you sit there and laugh like it's funny), you better break the bank with the tip.
Click to expand...
Yes it does.
Click to expand...
:no: Unless you work at a restaraunt with bus boys, then the waiter is being paid to wait & bus the table.

 
I was sitting watching some cartoon that had ghosts in it with my 3yo son.

Me: Are you a ghost?

Son: No. Watch.

(son runs head first into the wall :wall: )

Me: :fishing:

Son: See, not a ghost. Ghosts can go through walls.

Me: :lmao:

 
Big said:
The Eunuch Maker said:
I took my 7yo daughter to see a friend's dance class perform. At the place, there were booths and people selling stuff. We were walking around collecting swag and we come up to this table with a guy selling coffee mugs. He is all passionate about these dark mugs that, when they get the hot liquid in them, have a bright picture come out. He says to my 7yo daughter "Do you see the pretty rainbow, honey?" She says "yeah, but you know they make a beer that you can tell when it is cold enough because the mountains turn blue."

The other day I told my 5yo son how handsome I thought he was. Then I asked him if boys like it when their mom's say they are handsome. He said yes. Then I asked him if I could tell him around his friends. He said only his friends that don't have ears.

Last one today: The other night we went to Applebee's. They have .99 kids' meals on Sundays, so for $6 they all get their chicken and french fry fix. Anyway, the 5 yo boy asks if we have to clean up the table when we are done. I said "no, that's part of the price you pay for your meal, it includes them cleaning up." He says, "when I grow up, I am only going to eat at Chick Fil A so I don't have to pay extra for them to clean up."
Click to expand...
As a former waiter I hate people that think this way. Absolutely disgusting the huge mess that some parents let their kidsmake and then leave. NOTE: The price you pay for you meal DOES NOT pay for the waiter/waitress to clean up after your kids. THE TIP DOES. So if you just sit there and watch your kid make a mess (especially if you sit there and laugh like it's funny), you better break the bank with the tip.
Click to expand...
He meant did he have to take his plate to the sink and throw away the garbage. Sorry, I guess I just assume people clean up the stuff the baby drops.
 
Got our 2 1/2 year old son to throw out his binky (pacifier) today. He only used for sleeping but he was pretty attached to it, as most toddlers are who've had it that long. With both kids, we suggested to them that they were too old for a binky and they should throw it in the garbage and both of our boys eventually tossed them in the trash by themselves. Not without a little "toddler regret" the first time they try to sleep without it.

So my wife goes to put Ben down for his first nap today, after having thrown out the binky this morning. They have the following exchange:

Ben: "When the garbage truck comes back can I have binky back in my bed?"

Mom: "No, Ben. You threw it out"

**Pause**

Ben: "Then can I have binky back in my mouth?"

:missing:

Mom: "No. I love you Ben, take a nap."

Ben: "I love binky".

:lol:

 
I forgot about this thread. My son had a couple good ones recently:

My wife tutors a young man named Steve. She happens to also tutor his girlfriend Susan. They were both visiting the other say. The girl is just ragging on Steve. On, and on, and on. Incessant picking.

So Susan sees my son and asks, "Hey, bud! What's going on with you today?"

My son gets a snarly face and says, "I think you should be nicer to Steve, and if you don't, my mom will NOT teach you anymore!"

Susan is shocked, and my wife chuckles and says, "Be careful when you solicit the opinion of a five year old."

-------------------------------------------------------

Another:

My son asked, "Dad, what's for dessert tonight?"

I said, "You can have your other half donut from this morning if you want."

Son, "Awwww I love you, half-donut!"

(That is such a Homer Simpson quote)

 
Trev: Mommy, can humans eat dog treats?

Mom: Nooooo, that's gross. Why?

Trev: Just wondering.

Mom: Why does your breath smell like dog treats, Trevor?

Trev: :goodposting: but they taste like bacon.

Mom: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww don't eat that. :hey:

 
My sister started a tradition with my nephews that elves bring pj's the night before Christmas Eve. So i ask the nephews if we need to leave anything out for the elves. Nephew #1 says we should leave a treat, then asks if I have any Hershy's Kisses. I tell him I don't. He then says, "that's OK, we can use chocolate chips, because the elves are small." Nephew #2 pipes up: "yeah, and we should leave them milk in a medicine cup."

 
My 20 mo son Peter took it upon himself to be wide awake at 4 am the other day, so I was in a daze lying on the floor of his bedroom as he read* one book after another.

At one point, I let one rip that shook the room, startling him, he ran over to me shouting "DADDY FAWTED" about 7 times in a row, he let out a huge fake laugh "HAHAHAHAHA" and then capped it off with "Peter funny!'

And went back to reading like nothing happened.

* I swear my kid has a photographic memory. Since we've read him some of his books countless times, he can sit with one he's familiar with, and if you didn't know better, you would bet money he was reading it because he's committed so much of these books to his memory, and he remembers a lot of them (like Dr. Suess) with the pictures involved.

 
Wife at thanksgiving dinner. "Stick a fork in me, im done." Niece leans over and sticks fork in my wife's side.

 
3C said:
My daughter, when she was about 4. She had been "acting up" in daycare. My wife was frustrated and said some things that maybe she shouldn't have. Next day, the daycare "teacher" asks my daughter if she was going to be good. My daughter replies "yes, because if I'm bad mommy is going to beat the #### out of me."
Click to expand...
:mellow:
 
A cousin recently related a story I didn't remember:

When my younger daughter was about 3 or so, my cousin and I took her and a couple of his kids fishing at a pond on his property. We caught a few. At one point, my daughter was holding a small bass so that they were eye-to-eye. The fish's gills were pulsating and its mouth was opening and closing in a rhythmic manner. My daughter looked over to one of her cousins, and asked, "I wonder what he's trying to say?"

 
Last edited by a moderator:
SuperJohn96 said:
My 20 mo son Peter took it upon himself to be wide awake at 4 am the other day, so I was in a daze lying on the floor of his bedroom as he read* one book after another.

At one point, I let one rip that shook the room, startling him, he ran over to me shouting "DADDY FAWTED" about 7 times in a row, he let out a huge fake laugh "HAHAHAHAHA" and then capped it off with "Peter funny!'

And went back to reading like nothing happened.

* I swear my kid has a photographic memory. Since we've read him some of his books countless times, he can sit with one he's familiar with, and if you didn't know better, you would bet money he was reading it because he's committed so much of these books to his memory, and he remembers a lot of them (like Dr. Suess) with the pictures involved.
Click to expand...
My daughter did this also...... So THEY ARE BOTH GENIUSES :coffee:
 
I was at my parents' house for Christmas and my buddy came over with his family. Their parents have been friends with my parents for a long time and I grew up with my buddy. So their 6 year old was sitting next to my mom and said:

Girl: Am I part of your family?

My Mom: Sure, you're part of our extended family

Girl: Thinks for a moment: Does that mean that you're giving me Christmas presents!?

 
The binky story made me remember this one...

Leading up to my son's 3rd birthday, we told him that the binky fairy would come and take all of his binkies. A week after his birthday, we're at the pier and a boat is going down the river.

Berserker Jr: "What kind of boat is that?"

Berserker: "It's a ferry."

pause

Jr: "Is that the fairy that came and took all my binkies?"

 
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