Guys who have cheated on their wife. Aftermath? (1 Viewer)

[Joe Bryant]

Joe,

I think the issue here is that a lot of people truly don't understand what you meant by the bolded.  I actually find it a bit ambiguous myself.

I get that you think it's clear, but it seems quite obvious that many others don't find it terribly clear.  The issue with your responses is that instead of acknowledging that maybe others really don't understand your post, you continue to repeat it.  Think about how that might come across to someone who honestly didn't think the original statement was clear.

Thanks Rich. I may have missed it but I didn't know anyone wasn't clear on it. I kept repeating it as some people kept saying we weren't allowed to have the conversation. I'd said the conversation was ok to have, but please don't turn it into jokes. I mean making light of it. And not turning it into a penthouse forum type story. A few responses did that and were deleted.

 

[xulf]

I know I shouldn't type this (btw, this won't be as exciting as those opening words might suggest), but I am in a very unconventional relationship. Not married, but been together over 14 years. She had a brain injury 13 years ago, and I'm now mostly a caregiver. I don't mind helping her with stuff. She's awesome most of the time. Not  the same as the woman I fell madly in love with, which is a pain I'll never get over, but awesome most of the time. In addition to the numerous, though relatively mild, disabilities, she has fits of rage. They are regular, and often intense and long-lasting. Screaming, breaking everything in sight. It's hard to explain, but it's very difficult to keep from hurting herself or you. Her family all lives close by, yet they don't come around much partially because of the fits of rage. These are good, caring people. I get annoyed with that a little from time to time, but I get it. Plus they have their own busy lives.

It sucks sometimes, but we manage. I lead a pretty happy life. Not what I expected, but I feel it's the right thing. She's great most of the time, but not in a conventional wife way. It's not like having a true partner. The fits of rage aren't fun, but the loneliness is the hardest part. Living with someone that you really can't discuss important things in life is difficult (hard to explain, but that's from a combination of central auditory processing issues, speech disorders, an inability to follow complex stories, and frankly, a self-centered focus, which is understandable in her situation). 

I have to find other outlets for what I'd consider typical adult conversation. My family lives far away, which sucks, but my work is here and I work 70 hours a week. My main outlet is friends, and obviously work because that's where I'm always at. I have some good friends, though I don't have the ability or time for a lot of things. Frankly, this board helps too.

The point is I'm probably a prime candidate for an affair. I'm pretty sure I could have one and no one would blame me, even her family. Once people get to know the situation a little, they are surprised that it hasn't happened. 

It, of course, has crossed my mind though. Luckily, I've never had a terribly high libido, but it has crossed my mind. There are number of reasons it hasn't happened, but one is that I don't like drama. I run a business, and don't need that crap. Maybe, by some miracle, I could "get away with it" on my end, but the person on the other side would likely have attachments on their end. 

I don't think it'll ever happen, but I'd never say never. And I have thought that if the urge to step out ever overtook me, then a prostitute would make the most sense. Never been to one, but it seems much less messy (in the figurative sense).

Not all heroes wear capes, but you are a real hero.

 

[No One]

No one had been making jokes or turning it into a Forum story. 

I understand cheating on one's wife is maybe a bigger deal to me than it may be to others.

Once again I'm dragged into drama I was not even present for.

And to be clear, cheating on my wife would probably mean more to me than you or anyone else.

 

[Binky The Doormat]

Once again I'm dragged into drama I was not even present for.

And to be clear, cheating on my wife would probably mean more to me than you or anyone else.

With this kind of post I can certainly understand how you have almost twice as many likes as posts.  

 

[jon_mx]

Your response to “What if one cheats on their wife and it turns out awesome?”

This is the directive that got me confused. The OP was specifically asking for stories regarding people who had affairs and what had happened in the aftermath.  I presume that for many of those stories the aftermath was devastating and horrible. But for others, I presume that the outcome may have indeed been awesome. Perhaps they found the love of their life and their wives were able to find theirs?  Perhaps an affair ultimately led an unhappy couple to recommit themselves to each other and their children and ultimately find happiness. I’m sure there are a whole range of outcomes for the aftermath of an affair. Just because someone shares an outcome that he feels is awesome doesn’t necessarily mean that he is making light of his marriage or the affair. To suggest (or direct) that such outcomes are off limits for sharing seems odd to me. Perhaps you can further clarify?

Yeah, that was what threw me off.   We do not live in a perfect world.   People get addicted to drugs, have alcoholism, are abusive or have some kind of mental sickness like a borderline personality.  It is not always a 'I have a wonderful wife and cheating on her anyways'.  There are horrific relationships which someone has no idea how to deal with it.  

 

[Ditka Butkus]

what did he say to you when you apologized? 

He actually shook my hand and thanked me for apologizing...It was the best thing he could have done as it made me feel even more of a heel...

 

[Arizona Ron]

So we have a thread about not talking about cheating, got it.

 

[pats3in4]

An old college friend cheated on his wife and it greatly affected his relationship with his kids.  The marriage was doomed anyway, but the cheating created an animosity that perhaps could have been minimized had they just separated due to irreconcilable differences. The teens thought mom deserved a straight "this just isn't working out" from dad rather than getting caught cheating.

 

[mozzy84]

So we have a thread about not talking about cheating, got it.

 I don't get it.

So if I'm not happy with the wife or even if I am happy with her and I decide to cheat on her. and it turns out the be the best decision I ever made I can't say it or talk about it. It has to be a terrible experience full of regret and misery, then you can post it?  Like someone else said, just shut it down already.

 

[glvsav37]

As the saying goes...."If you are gonna cheat, cheat up." 

I think i pretty much out kicked my coverage with my wife as it is, so I'll stick to that rule. 

I do joke with her that it took me 20+ years to learn what makes her tick, and I really dont have that kind of time or energy to invest in someone else. 

 

[Good Posting Judge]

As the saying goes...."If you are gonna cheat, cheat up." 

I think i pretty much out kicked my coverage with my wife as it is, so I'll stick to that rule. 

I do joke with her that it took me 20+ years to learn what makes her tick, and I really dont have that kind of time or energy to invest in someone else. 

Dynamite drop-in, Monty.

 

[Hilts]

I know a couple where the guy cheated on his wife with a prostitute. The prostitute has the same name as the wife. The wife stayed with him and they had a kid together. It's been almost five years. 

 

[Sabertooth]

As the saying goes...."If you are gonna cheat, cheat up." 

I think i pretty much out kicked my coverage with my wife as it is, so I'll stick to that rule. 

I do joke with her that it took me 20+ years to learn what makes her tick, and I really dont have that kind of time or energy to invest in someone else. 

Never heard that.  

 

[Bull Dozier]

I was the other guy 23 years ago. I am coming up on celebrating our 22nd anniversary of marriage. I feel like that is a positive outcome of a cheating story. I will add that my now wifes husband was in prison when I hit on her. 

Even after casually following this thread since it started, it failed to dawn on me that I was in the same boat, I was the other guy 18 years ago, and we have now been married 16 years.

It is a REALLY long story, so I'll just Cliff Notes it.  She was dating her husband fairly casually (on and off type of thing) and then she got pregnant.  Both being from Catholic families, they got married, even though they were both still in college.  Right after the wedding, he told her he wasn't interested in ever having more kids, which devastated her as she wanted a big family.  She then left him for me, basically overnight.

He is now happily remarried, ironically with two more kids.

We have been married 16+ years and had two more kids as well.

Step daughter, who was more or less caught in the middle of a soap opera for many years, has come out as well as possibly can be expected.  She's a great kid, and about to graduate a semester early from college.  She's happy, well adjusted, and in a good long term relationship with a nice guy, and fortunately is smarter than her parents in that she has no intest in rushing in to having kids.

The story actually begins 10 years before their wedding, but that's obviously a long story and deserves its own thread on another day.

 

[bentley]

BVFWIH

 

[Poke_4_Life]

I was almost the other guy but couldn't do it.  She was a good friend at work, who wasn't happy in her marriage and had a small child.  She really wanted it to happen and I was single but just couldn't do it.  There was one time she was sitting on my bed at my house practically begging me, as a young single male I'm still not sure how that didn't happen.

She moved on to her boss at the time and even though he was married they started an affair.  Both her and the boss went through nasty divorces in the years that followed.  (I don't know any details, I changed jobs and lost touch with them.)

Now years later she and her former boss have been married quite a while and seem happy (according to FB).  

I'm happily married (to someone I met outside of work) and have been for almost 15 years.  Guess it worked out for everyone involved, and I didn't have to go through the drama.  Win/Win.

 

[stlrams]

Hey Guys. This can be a valuable discussion if people want to discuss the devastation that can follow cheating, we can do that. If this is to make light of cheating on your wife or turn something into jokes or Forum type stories, please find another board for that. 

The moral police are on the job.  Gee I enjoyed reading funny stories even if not true but I guess we can't discuss anymore.  Serious question, please provide board posts the last 3 years??   

 

[jwb]

I was almost the other guy but couldn't do it.  She was a good friend at work, who wasn't happy in her marriage and had a small child.  She really wanted it to happen and I was single but just couldn't do it.  There was one time she was sitting on my bed at my house practically begging me, as a young single male I'm still not sure how that didn't happen.

Similar here. Was single, early 30's. Married girl at work. Really cute, but had a lousy marriage and two young kids. We flirted a lot, and one night, she was filling in for the supervisor, so it fell to her to lock the place up that night. It was a big office building, and pretty empty at night, so she asked me to come with her. As we're walking and headed towards the empty part, you could feel the tension - we both knew exactly what was going to happen. So we get to a good spot, and bam, we start making out. About a minute into it, before all the clothes come off, we hear a noise... someone forgot something.

That killed it - we get it together, but as we're walking back, and she's telling me about her marriage/etc, I thought better of the whole thing, and decided it wasn't worth it. She wanted me to drive her home that night (and hit a motel beforehand), but I told her no - she was married, and that was that. Just an issue I didn't need. We remained friends at work, and she would always make it clear she was good with an affair, and maybe more.    

Wasn't really a moral thing on my end (their marriage was doomed). I just wasn't up for the drama / sneaking around / etc. And even though she hinted at an eventual relationship, that was not an option for me - there was zero chance I was getting involved with someone who had kids. So really, what was the point? I had plenty of single women w/o baggage that I could sleep with.

Anyway, there's my cheating non-story.  

 

[jvdesigns2002]

I just read through this thread--and I will say this knowing that there is a very good chance that Joe or the mods will delete this comment based on Joe's posts in this thread.  There was a post made earlier from somebody that said that he's represented many people that have cheated on their spouses and they have all said that it is never worth it.   While I don't disagree with that--I can tell you that working in the jewelry industry for 25+  years has naturally put me position to meet and work with many people that are getting married.  

I can absolutely tell you that I've seen marriage destroy and break down the lives of many people too.  While many can argue that it's cheating that destroys lives--I can telll you firsthand that in many cases--the marriage itself was arguably the bad mistake that bred the grounds for the cheating to happen.   I'm a single guy that works in the jewelry industry that has never wanted to get married. Working in my industry has not talked me out of my position--it's actually cemented it.  Marriage is not always this beautiful and sacred thing to where anything that jokes,pokes fun of it has to be avoided or erased.