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Guys with Stay at Home Mom's for Wive's (1 Viewer)

as a stay at home dad, i find myself at the golf course and a couple local happy hours on a daily basis.....i'm just hopeful my allowance doesn't get cut...

 
You have to be on the same team and create mutual long-term goals for this to work.

Sit down and talk about retirement and the budget required to get there. When creating a budget, create a "fun money" category for each of you and separate the kids budget, household budget, etc. 

This works in our house, perfectly. In fact, the one rule to the fun money budget is that there can be no critique of the spending, meaning she can waste her fun money of things that I consider wasteful or useless, etc. It's both liberating and effective since the money is capped but also earmarked for fun/leisure spending.

 
Brony said:
Well don't try explaining that every dollar she spends delays your retirement.  It doesn't have the intended effect.
Click to expand...
That's my entire angle with all finance and my wife is a sahm.

That angle works for me.

But also putting tons of money away in tax deferred and other accounts so it's not accessible is good.

It's also good to be rich

 
If you have kids I think $750 is on the cheap end if she is buying groceries and household stuff.  Guess im not sure what you mean by no bills

i guess im lucky in this aspect.. Mine gets $500 every 2 weeks when my paycheck comes so a little over 1k monthly when you figure on the 3 payday months.

With this money she has to pay the water bill quarterly which is around 150-200 and the dues on the condo rental which are $134.  Everything else is hers for groceries, food, household #### or stuff for the kids.  But she is tight with the money and realized it isnt hers.

Hair cut is like every 6 months and it's at great clips.  Today she called me to see if she could buy the 4 yr old a $10 paw patrol sleeping bag.

I mean if you are not going to work and use your husbands money you better be ####### responsible with it

 
TheWalkmen said:
How the hell do you keep their spending in check?  I make less than the typical FBG, so I deposit $750/month into her checking account so she has her "own" money.  She pays no bills, yet she continually has credit card bills over $1,000 and continues to say she doesn't spend any money and there's no where to cut back.  She just bought our son like $500 in bedding from Pottery Barn, she spends like $165 to get her hair done, buys all her jeans from Nordstrom, etc...

How do I control this stuff without being a total d!ck, and with her hardly noticing my effort to curb the spending?
Click to expand...
Why does she need her "own" money?

Should all be the same. 

 
Mental note:  open a store like Pottery Barn right smack in the middle of a middle upper-class neighborhood.  Hire some day laborers to cobble together some cheap ### tables and chairs and sell them as rustic art for $1000 each.

 
TheWalkmen said:
I'm also shelling out $500 a month for our 3.5 year old and 2 yr old to go to school (daycare) for half a day two days a week.  We've looked at what she spends money on... I've downloaded all of her CC transactions for many months, and she doesn't really blow money on pointless stuff.  She just buys expensive stuff no matter what it is (e.g. $9 gallons of milk, $200 jeans). It's just $50 here, $50 there, a couple hundo on this, which quickly adds up.  Her argument is that I spend as much as I want and I have no budget.  I always let her know that if I go over my budget our bank account will be empty, whereas I am always her backup when she spends over $750 a month on 100% discretionary spend.  Her current credit card bill is $2500!
Click to expand...
HUH???

 
shadyridr said:
What does being a stay at home mom have to do with it. I earn three times what my wife does and she out spends me by more than 3:1. When I tell her to stop she says she works too. This is her rationale. We can barely save anything. Now she's going to be out of work for a year and she promises she'll curb her spending. It's inevitable we get into a huge fight eventually and I take all her cards.
Click to expand...
everything???? wtf

 
My wife works part-time as an education consultant so not a full stay at home mom but I pay the mortgage and all of the utilities.  My wife makes a decent chuck of change (70K) for part time but it is 1099 and she spends about 4K a month on god's knows what, typically it is various crap for the kids but JFC.  Every day there is some type of UPS delivery to the house and don't even get me started on the damn essential oils.

 
swirvenirvin said:
If you have kids I think $750 is on the cheap end if she is buying groceries and household stuff.  Guess im not sure what you mean by no bills

i guess im lucky in this aspect.. Mine gets $500 every 2 weeks when my paycheck comes so a little over 1k monthly when you figure on the 3 payday months.

With this money she has to pay the water bill quarterly which is around 150-200 and the dues on the condo rental which are $134.  Everything else is hers for groceries, food, household #### or stuff for the kids.  But she is tight with the money and realized it isnt hers.

Hair cut is like every 6 months and it's at great clips.  Today she called me to see if she could buy the 4 yr old a $10 paw patrol sleeping bag.

I mean if you are not going to work and use your husbands money you better be ####### responsible with it
Click to expand...
I'm curious, do you have a yellow hat?

 
From the very beginning, we saw all income coming into the household as 'community income'.  We don't have separate bank accounts.  We are equal when it comes to money.  It doesn't matter who makes the money.  What really matters is what we do with the money.

We have a budget, and always pay ourselves first.  

The real key here is this:  We share a long term goal.  To retire with a comfortable lifestyle.  She laughs at people that spend more than $30 for a purse.  I laugh at people that have a car payment.  

We read books like:

Unconventional Success by David Swensen

The Richest Man in Babylon by George Clayson

Seriously, it comes down to how compatible you and your significant other are regarding finances.  If you both want to retire early, it will happen.  If one of you wants to retire early, but the other person wants to "keep up with the Jones"...well, good luck.

 
Hastur said:
Seriously, it comes down to how compatible you and your significant other are regarding finances.  If you both want to retire early, it will happen.  If one of you wants to retire early, but the other person wants to "keep up with the Jones"...well, good luck.
Click to expand...
I agree with not keeping up with the Jones but there is a limit.  I think finding a balance is what's worked best for me.  I'm on pace to be able to retire early but not a lot early - i drive cars that are paid off but I make sure to save to go on vacations and do other fun things.  My kids will only be young once  - I want to teach them to save and plan but also to enjoy their hard work too.  Not saying you don't, just wanted to add that idea to the discussion.  I think several people have it right - budget your fun.

 
I too make less than a typical FBG and had the wife stay at home. No matter how many times l created a budget and openly discussed financezswith her she could never stop spending like we had won the lottery. I even picked up a second job to try to keep up but that only accelerated her spending.  

After almost 2 decades of scraping by paycheck to paycheck she divorced me taking full child support and alimony, getting more than half my paycheck leaving me 10's of thousands of dollars in debt. I'm living in a less than 600sq/ft apartment working 2 jobs while she doesnt work and has taken my kids hundreds of miles away to live in a 500k house her parents bought her.

She won't pay me the tens of thousands the court ordered her to pay me, but she and the kids are driving brand new vehicles thanks to her parents. You are already ####ed and can look forward to losing almost everything you own and paying thousands to a lawyer who can't help you. Sorry.

 
Statcruncher said:
I too make less than a typical FBG and had the wife stay at home. No matter how many times l created a budget and openly discussed financezswith her she could never stop spending like we had won the lottery. I even picked up a second job to try to keep up but that only accelerated her spending.  

After almost 2 decades of scraping by paycheck to paycheck she divorced me taking full child support and alimony, getting more than half my paycheck leaving me 10's of thousands of dollars in debt. I'm living in a less than 600sq/ft apartment working 2 jobs while she doesnt work and has taken my kids hundreds of miles away to live in a 500k house her parents bought her.

She won't pay me the tens of thousands the court ordered her to pay me, but she and the kids are driving brand new vehicles thanks to her parents. You are already ####ed and can look forward to losing almost everything you own and paying thousands to a lawyer who can't help you. Sorry.
Click to expand...
ouch man.

 
If I had a boy, the number 1 thing I would tell him to find a woman who understands the value of money.  There are a lot of males out there that don't understand how to handle money, but it is really an epidemic in the female population and it destroys families.   

 
ydoc said:
as a stay at home dad, i find myself at the golf course and a couple local happy hours on a daily basis.....i'm just hopeful my allowance doesn't get cut...
Click to expand...
Slap it high. Fellow stay at home. 

Im guessing your kids are older cause I'm not hitting many golf courses during the day. 

 
I do about 90% of the grocery shopping so her $750 doesn't include that.  My "budget" for my CC is $1600/month on my amex, which includes all of our food, cable/internet, her cell phone.  On her CC she pays for her gas as her only real "bill".  She pays for some kid stuff on her CC but diapers and stuff get put on my other Amazon Visa CC (not included in $1600).  The $500 daycare/mo also now goes on my Visa.  She does pay some of her medical bills (she's pregnant with out 3rd) on hers.  We were recently located so I was in favor of the daycare/preschool so my kids have other kids to play with and my wife can schedule appointments while they are there.  

Here's some of the recent CC purchases.  There is a mattress on there for our son who just moved to a big boy bed.  The rest is pretty representative of monthly stuff.

She used to work until our 2nd child was 4-5 months old and our oldest almost 2 yrs, so the idea of not having her own money that she's earned and can spend on whatever on is difficult.  But it's a double edged sword for me.  If she goes back to work, our life is more stressful with getting out the door everyday and picking up crabby kids from being at daycare all day.  And then there's more pressure on me to work less and do more kids stuff (dr appt's, etc) during the day so she isn't always the one missing work, which doesn't bode well for my job.


3/7/2016


DEBIT


SARRIS CANDIES CANONSBUR


-11.85


3/8/2016


DEBIT


GIANT-EAGLE #0070 MCMURRAY


-102.95


3/8/2016


DEBIT


MACY*S .COM #0129 800-289-6


-133.74


3/9/2016


DEBIT


PANERA BREAD #3500 CANONSBUR


-22.3


3/10/2016


DEBIT


MACY*S .COM #0129 MASON


-33.77


3/10/2016


DEBIT


MACY*S .COM #0129 MASON


-19.8


3/10/2016


DEBIT


MACY*S .COM #0129 MASON


-19.8


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DEBIT


CROSSROADS EYE CARE AS MCMURRAY


-50


3/14/2016


DEBIT


CHICK-FIL-A #03245 WASHINGTO


-23.59


3/14/2016


DEBIT


GET GO #3070 MCMURRAY


-5.84


3/14/2016


DEBIT


WPCHRG.COM 877273304


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DEBIT


ZULILY 877-779-5


-97.9


3/15/2016


DEBIT


APL* ITUNES.COM/BILL 866-712-7


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3/15/2016


DEBIT


STEN'S STRIDE RITE BETHEL PA


-152


3/16/2016


CREDIT


PAYMENT THANK YOU


 


3/16/2016


DEBIT


THE UPS STORE 0902 MC MURRAY


-42.75


3/18/2016


DEBIT


GIANT-EAGLE #0070 MCMURRAY


-63.75


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DEBIT


AMAZON MKTPLACE PMTS AMZN.COM/


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3/21/2016


DEBIT


FRG*FANATICS.COM 877-833-7


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DEBIT


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3/21/2016


DEBIT


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DEBIT


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3/25/2016


DEBIT


TARGET 00012161 WASHINGTO


-99.24


3/28/2016


DEBIT


GABBY GOAT AMERICAN PU 


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3/28/2016


DEBIT


MARTIN'S IGA PL 


-55.06


3/28/2016


DEBIT


SUNOCO 0234633600 WASHINGTO


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3/28/2016


DEBIT


UPM*UPMC HLTH SERVICES 888-647-9


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STCLAIRMEMHOSPITAL IC 412-94281


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DEBIT


GIANT-EAGLE #0070 MCMURRAY


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3/31/2016


DEBIT


POTTERY BARN KIDS E-CO 800-290-8


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3/31/2016


DEBIT


POTTERY BARN KIDS E-CO 800-290-8


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3/31/2016


DEBIT


SOCCER SHOTS PITTSBURG 724-70550


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DEBIT


DESTINATIONMA 00033290 PITTSBURG


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4/1/2016


DEBIT


GIANT-EAGLE #0070 MCMURRAY


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4/4/2016


DEBIT


GET GO #3070 MCMURRAY


-18.96


4/4/2016


DEBIT


WALMART.COM 800-966-6


-54.62


4/5/2016


DEBIT


MATTFIRM 077030-MFI MCMURRAY


-464.27


4/6/2016


DEBIT


GYMSPORT BRIDGEVIL


-25


4/8/2016


DEBIT


POTTERY BARN KIDS E-CO 800-290-8


-28.25


4/11/2016


DEBIT


STCLAIRMEMHOSPITAL P PITTSBURG


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4/11/2016


DEBIT


TARGET 00027870 PITTSBURG


-35.25


4/11/2016


DEBIT


THE HONEST COMPANY INC 888-862-8


-44.42

 
Looking at that statement, I don't think you have much of a gripe. I've started a thread identical to this a few years back. 

$500 at Pottery Barn Kids, you got off easy, #### that place.

The talk to your wife about retirement and savings crowd prob don't have much experience with this or a stay at home wife - when talking to your wife like that, it's like an adult talking to a child in Charlie Brown, she might pretend to be listening, but all she hears is wuh wuh, wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh. Fiscal responsibility is a trait most women don't understand, especially those that have been out of work for a few years - they forgot about earning, if they spend today, more will be there tomorrow.

Your biggest issue right now is the pregnancy, this makes her about as rationale as a 4 year old, here is your real problem right now and there isn't much you can do until your new child is at least 6 months old.

Regardless, with 3 kids $750 is fair and she's gonna want more, be prepared to go up to at least $1000.

My wife didn't learn her lesson until her card was declined. After a nice LuLuLemon shopping spree and going up to pay, getting declined is something she will not forget - it's embarrassing. At first she had no limit on the Amex and that was a ####### train wreck. I warned her and warned her, but it did nothing, getting declined (although leading to some fights) actually worked. It was her fault, I told her there was a limit, she didn't believe me I guess. 

At this point after being conditioned, she is now very aware that her card might be reaching the limit every month. My card is hooked up to Amazon, Seamless, Uber, etc. so it's still an ongoing battle bc I'll see some stupid charges on there almost semi-daily, but I've def curbed her spending a little.

The credit card decline, embarrassing and feared by most women - be prepared to fight for a few days., but it works.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Looking at that statement, I don't think you have much of a gripe. I've started a thread identical to this a few years back. 

$500 at Pottery Barn Kids, you got off easy, #### that place.

The talk to your wife about retirement and savings crowd prob don't have much experience with this or a stay at home wife - when talking to your wife like that, it's like an adult talking to a child in Charlie Brown, she might pretend to be listening, but all she hears is wuh wuh, wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh. Fiscal responsibility is a trait most women don't understand, especially those that have been out of work for a few years - they forgot about earning, if they spend today, more will be there tomorrow.

Your biggest issue right now is the pregnancy, this makes her about as rationale as a 4 year old, here is your real problem right now and there isn't much you can do until your new child is at least 6 months old.

Regardless, with 3 kids $750 is fair and she's gonna want more, be prepared to go up to at least $1000.

My wife didn't learn her lesson until her card was declined. After a nice LuLuLemon shopping spree and going up to pay, getting declined is something she will not forget - it's embarrassing. At first she had no limit on the Amex and that was a ####### train wreck. I warned her and warned her, but it did nothing, getting declined (although leading to some fights) actually worked. It was her fault, I told her there was a limit, she didn't believe me I guess. 

At this point after being conditioned, she is now very aware that her card might be reaching the limit every month. My card is hooked up to Amazon, Seamless, Uber, etc. so it's still an ongoing battle bc I'll see some stupid charges on there almost semi-daily, but I've def curbed her spending a little.

The credit card decline, embarrassing and feared by most women - be prepared to fight for a few days., but it works.
Click to expand...
That helps, thanks.  This was an unusually high spending month, it just seems that there's no accountability or regard for the spending.  It's maddening to go to work everyday and see very little saving going on.  She just seems to think I'm not on any sort of budget since no one is telling me what I should be spending per month, so why should I be able to tell her... It's just to the point where it is easier for me to just suck it up and pay rather than battling all the time about money.  

We've gone through a budget and historical spend plenty of times and jointly concluded $750/month was an appropriate amount for her, yet her cc bills are probably $1250-$1500 a month on average.  We've discussed her getting an amex and being on my account so I'm more aware of how much is being spent.  Normally 2 days before her payment is due, she'll be like, oh hey $2500 is coming out of our shared account, I don't have enough in my BofA account for my cc statement.  At least if she's on a shared cc account with me, there will be less shock and maybe I can ask her to hold off on some of the spend until the next cycle.

 
The whole "my CC" and "her CC" is very foreign to me.  I get it for stay at home mom households, but the idea of "my money" and "her money" seems crazy.  I am a bit jaded since my wife and I have historically been frugal (though that has changed with age and higher incomes).  She is a month away from finishing her Masters to be an NP.  She has been doing school FT, which is really like 25 hrs a week (has our 2 kids the rest of the time) and that has been a financial drain on us, especially since I finished my grad school right as she was starting.  But, there is no "mine" and "yours" no matter what we have been through.  

 
Take note guys.

Marrying a woman that understands money is sooooo much better than marrying a chick for her looks.

My wife spends money like she is Richard Pryor in Brewster Millions.

What we have 1k in the bank???? Better spend it by the end of the month,  otherwise we lose it!!!

 
xulf said:
The whole "my CC" and "her CC" is very foreign to me. 
Click to expand...
Ditto. But that' a whole other discussion which I think has been done before. I will say, this is an awesome thread for me when I want to feel better about myself and my wife. My wife has been working over 35 years. She makes about half of what I do. But she is very level headed about money. Not a big shopper. Loves to see the balance on her 401k and IRAs. Loves to be able to transfer money over to savings. Would never spend the money on a couch purse or any of that "look at me" idiotic crap women love to spend money on nowadays. In fact, I have had to refuse to glue the sole back on her heels just to get her to go out and get a new pair. Yet we have been overseas to Europe, want for very little, have no car payments, $0 in credit card debt. We work hard for what we have and we both enjoy it. Definitely on the same page top to bottom. And it's great as we (nearly) never argue about money. If it weren't for our adult kids, the fight count would be an absolute zero. And as someone with a failed marriage in the past that put me squarely in the boat with many in here, I realize just how incredibly lucky I am now!

 
TheWalkmen said:
I do about 90% of the grocery shopping so her $750 doesn't include that.  My "budget" for my CC is $1600/month on my amex, which includes all of our food, cable/internet, her cell phone.  On her CC she pays for her gas as her only real "bill".  She pays for some kid stuff on her CC but diapers and stuff get put on my other Amazon Visa CC (not included in $1600).  The $500 daycare/mo also now goes on my Visa.  She does pay some of her medical bills (she's pregnant with out 3rd) on hers.  We were recently located so I was in favor of the daycare/preschool so my kids have other kids to play with and my wife can schedule appointments while they are there.  

Here's some of the recent CC purchases.  There is a mattress on there for our son who just moved to a big boy bed.  The rest is pretty representative of monthly stuff.

She used to work until our 2nd child was 4-5 months old and our oldest almost 2 yrs, so the idea of not having her own money that she's earned and can spend on whatever on is difficult.  But it's a double edged sword for me.  If she goes back to work, our life is more stressful with getting out the door everyday and picking up crabby kids from being at daycare all day.  And then there's more pressure on me to work less and do more kids stuff (dr appt's, etc) during the day so she isn't always the one missing work, which doesn't bode well for my job.


3/7/2016


DEBIT


SARRIS CANDIES CANONSBUR


-11.85


3/8/2016


DEBIT


GIANT-EAGLE #0070 MCMURRAY


-102.95


3/8/2016


DEBIT


MACY*S .COM #0129 800-289-6


-133.74


3/9/2016


DEBIT


PANERA BREAD #3500 CANONSBUR


-22.3


3/10/2016


DEBIT


MACY*S .COM #0129 MASON


-33.77


3/10/2016


DEBIT


MACY*S .COM #0129 MASON


-19.8


3/10/2016


DEBIT


MACY*S .COM #0129 MASON


-19.8


3/11/2016


DEBIT


CROSSROADS EYE CARE AS MCMURRAY


-50


3/14/2016


DEBIT


CHICK-FIL-A #03245 WASHINGTO


-23.59


3/14/2016


DEBIT


GET GO #3070 MCMURRAY


-5.84


3/14/2016


DEBIT


WPCHRG.COM 877273304


-26


3/14/2016


DEBIT


ZULILY 877-779-5


-97.9


3/15/2016


DEBIT


APL* ITUNES.COM/BILL 866-712-7


-7.41


3/15/2016


DEBIT


STEN'S STRIDE RITE BETHEL PA


-152


3/16/2016


CREDIT


PAYMENT THANK YOU


 


3/16/2016


DEBIT


THE UPS STORE 0902 MC MURRAY


-42.75


3/18/2016


DEBIT


GIANT-EAGLE #0070 MCMURRAY


-63.75


3/21/2016


DEBIT


AMAZON MKTPLACE PMTS AMZN.COM/


-9.29


3/21/2016


DEBIT


FRG*FANATICS.COM 877-833-7


-38.69


3/21/2016


DEBIT


GENO LEVI SALON MCMURRAY


-165.5


3/21/2016


DEBIT


SOUTH HILLS CHRYSLER MCMURRAY


-10.99


3/24/2016


DEBIT


SHERWIN WILLIAMS #1271 CANONSBUR


-144.26


3/25/2016


DEBIT


TARGET 00012161 WASHINGTO


-99.24


3/28/2016


DEBIT


GABBY GOAT AMERICAN PU 


-10.38


3/28/2016


DEBIT


MARTIN'S IGA PL 


-55.06


3/28/2016


DEBIT


SUNOCO 0234633600 WASHINGTO


-23.4


3/28/2016


DEBIT


UPM*UPMC HLTH SERVICES 888-647-9


-56.75


3/29/2016


DEBIT


STCLAIRMEMHOSPITAL IC 412-94281


-282.53


3/30/2016


DEBIT


GIANT-EAGLE #0070 MCMURRAY


-118.85


3/31/2016


DEBIT


POTTERY BARN KIDS E-CO 800-290-8


-386.05


3/31/2016


DEBIT


POTTERY BARN KIDS E-CO 800-290-8


-105.93


3/31/2016


DEBIT


SOCCER SHOTS PITTSBURG 724-70550


-110


4/1/2016


DEBIT


DESTINATIONMA 00033290 PITTSBURG


-170.9


4/1/2016


DEBIT


GIANT-EAGLE #0070 MCMURRAY


-36.99


4/4/2016


DEBIT


GET GO #3070 MCMURRAY


-18.96


4/4/2016


DEBIT


WALMART.COM 800-966-6


-54.62


4/5/2016


DEBIT


MATTFIRM 077030-MFI MCMURRAY


-464.27


4/6/2016


DEBIT


GYMSPORT BRIDGEVIL


-25


4/8/2016


DEBIT


POTTERY BARN KIDS E-CO 800-290-8


-28.25


4/11/2016


DEBIT


STCLAIRMEMHOSPITAL P PITTSBURG


-4


4/11/2016


DEBIT


TARGET 00027870 PITTSBURG


-35.25


4/11/2016


DEBIT


THE HONEST COMPANY INC 888-862-8


-44.42
Click to expand...
Seems like a really really bad idea to post this statement for all the world to see.

also, you've got to rein her in. Macys, pottery barn, honest company: those are big dollar stores. 

 
She's making multiple purchases almost every day--that don't include food. Pretty much the only daily charge I have on my AMEX (the only CC I really use) is my lunch. So what is it she's having to purchase at this rate?

 
Christo said:
She's making multiple purchases almost every day--that don't include food. Pretty much the only daily charge I have on my AMEX (the only CC I really use) is my lunch. So what is it she's having to purchase at this rate?
Click to expand...
Seriously. Needs to change his nick to WalkedOverMan. Geezus, sack up already.

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Looking at that statement, I don't think you have much of a gripe. I've started a thread identical to this a few years back. 

$500 at Pottery Barn Kids, you got off easy, #### that place.

The talk to your wife about retirement and savings crowd prob don't have much experience with this or a stay at home wife - when talking to your wife like that, it's like an adult talking to a child in Charlie Brown, she might pretend to be listening, but all she hears is wuh wuh, wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh. Fiscal responsibility is a trait most women don't understand, especially those that have been out of work for a few years - they forgot about earning, if they spend today, more will be there tomorrow.

Your biggest issue right now is the pregnancy, this makes her about as rationale as a 4 year old, here is your real problem right now and there isn't much you can do until your new child is at least 6 months old.

Regardless, with 3 kids $750 is fair and she's gonna want more, be prepared to go up to at least $1000.

My wife didn't learn her lesson until her card was declined. After a nice LuLuLemon shopping spree and going up to pay, getting declined is something she will not forget - it's embarrassing. At first she had no limit on the Amex and that was a ####### train wreck. I warned her and warned her, but it did nothing, getting declined (although leading to some fights) actually worked. It was her fault, I told her there was a limit, she didn't believe me I guess. 

At this point after being conditioned, she is now very aware that her card might be reaching the limit every month. My card is hooked up to Amazon, Seamless, Uber, etc. so it's still an ongoing battle bc I'll see some stupid charges on there almost semi-daily, but I've def curbed her spending a little.

The credit card decline, embarrassing and feared by most women - be prepared to fight for a few days., but it works.
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Well, your prespective is probably out of whack with his.  You have no issues with dropping $400 on dinner.  I am not sure the OP has $1000 of discretionary spending he can allow.

 
AAABatteries said:
I agree with not keeping up with the Jones but there is a limit.  I think finding a balance is what's worked best for me.  I'm on pace to be able to retire early but not a lot early - i drive cars that are paid off but I make sure to save to go on vacations and do other fun things.  My kids will only be young once  - I want to teach them to save and plan but also to enjoy their hard work too.  Not saying you don't, just wanted to add that idea to the discussion.  I think several people have it right - budget your fun.
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The point I was attempting to make was both people need to be on the same page concerning finances.  If they have different views, beliefs, habits, etc. regarding money, there will always be arguments about money.

I barely remember typing that last night.  A little too much whiskey.

 
I was lucky enough to marry a woman that not only wanted to stay home, but also didn't want to do any house cleaning.  Let's just say I can't wait until the divorce is final. 

For my next go-round, I'm going to make sure I marry someone with their own career and press for separate finances.    

 
Captain Cranks said:
I was lucky enough to marry a woman that not only wanted to stay home, but also didn't want to do any house cleaning.  Let's just say I can't wait until the divorce is final. 

For my next go-round, I'm going to make sure I marry someone with their own career and press for separate finances.    
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Marrying a woman with money is the way to go.  Worst case is it doesnt work out and you get half her ####...woah, that must what it's like to be a woman.

 
cstu said:
Marrying a woman with money is the way to go.  Worst case is it doesnt work out and you get half her ####...woah, that must what it's like to be a woman.
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Nice.  However, you know what women with money do?  

Pre-nups.  

At least you don't lose anything.

 
Like any change it takes time. The first step is to model the behavior you want her to emulate. Start showing her how little things make a difference. Instead of going to the expensive restaurant suggest panera. Instead of pottery barn see if she can find something on offer-up or target. Be more frugal yourself.

The goal is to get her to realize there are other ways to satisfy the needs of the family and that being a little smarter about spending ends up being painless.

Start talking about saving and financial independence. Show her how wealthy you can become by saving and investing and compounding returns. Create goals. Create a dream to work towards. Get her to realize a penny saved is a penny earned.

My wife buys 90% of the babies clothes second hand, she does price- matching at the grocery store and saves us $20-30 a week. We picked up a freezer (second hand) and now she makes frozen meals ahead of time so we are less inclined to do carry out. She works all the angles with credit card promotions so we haven't paid for a flight or rental car in years... 

I know not every wife will get onboard like this but if you can get her to start thinking about the future and dreaming about early retirement you may be surprised. The key is patience. Changing habits takes time.

mrmoneymustache.com is a great resource.

 
So glad I found a good one. Frugal, simple, and hard working. She's not perfect but I'd much rather deal with crappy taste in TV (Chopped every Fn night) than any kind of financial/budget BS. 

 
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