bentley
Footballguy
Have a budget. Stick to it. Pretty damn simple.
If that doesn't work, there are probably other issues that need to be dealt with that are the root cause of the spending.
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Guys with Stay at Home Mom's for Wive's (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter TheWalkmen
- Start date
If that doesn't work, there are probably other issues that need to be dealt with that are the root cause of the spending.
ydoc
Footballguy
sophomore, freshman, 7th grader.....kick out of the house to school and then off to the course....
i roll home around 4 430 and start some supper...
wife comes home and then i play xbox...
bicycle_seat_sniffer
Smells like chicken
Women dont value money. Dumb broads
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Is this something new, the over spending? Or did this start when she was actively battling cancer? I know I've gone a bit nuts on some things beyond my budget as a sort of reward for doing this damn thing by myself.
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Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
I put up with her watching every single real housewives entity because she doesn't blow my dough. That's some disgusting tv. It's embarrassing
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
Living stingy is even a better blog that money mustache.
Mmm gets a bit extreme with the biking, attachment parenting, and home schooling.
http://goo.gl/IOSTxY
Mmm gets a bit extreme with the biking, attachment parenting, and home schooling.
http://goo.gl/IOSTxY
massraider
Footballguy
Shula-holic
Footballguy
This is the way to go. My wife works and we keep separate money. We do have one joint account where I put in 2/3 of the money for the kids stuff. I make a good deal more and that's why the ratio is that way. That said, my wife is good with money. This wouldn't work if she wasn't. The problem is that if you marry someone who is a financial trainwreck, there isn't some system you can put in place to fix it. She's gonna drag you down with her.
mr. furley
Footballguy
was chatting with an old friend yesterday
has 2 kids. few years back he gets an email, at work, from his wife
"(husband) i'm pregnant but you probably already noticed. it's not yours. i'm leaving today. i've already packed my stuff and the kid's. we're going to live with (the new dad)."
at the time he was battling cancer and had been in and out of the hospital. he was working a good job, she was.... doing nothing.... at all. she'd run up huge debts that he couldn't keep up with on top of the hospital bills.
she took all his ####, her ####, car, everything. he got ####### destroyed by the judge and pays child support out his ###. while struggling to pull himself together he got nicked with a DUI which cost him the beater he was driving, access to his kids and his job because he couldn't even get dispensation to drive there.
5 years+ on he said to me yesterday "best thing that has ever happened to me... i was ####### miserable being with her. it cost me a lot but i'm almost out of debt, i get to see my kids half the time now and i'm finally happy just being me"
moral of the story: ####### #### just ####
Captain Cranks
Footballguy
I love the divorce system. Really treats the man and woman equally. 
James Daulton
Footballguy
No chance in hell I would ever be financially dependent on my wife. Do you get an allowance? How do you scratch the itch to succeed and compete (and please don't say golf). If it works for you good for you I guess.
ydoc
Footballguy
competed and succeeded for 17 years in the financial services biz....i'm just enjoying life now...don't need an allowance...
James Daulton
Footballguy
You know when she talks to her gal pas she's like, "that man of mine better have me a hot meal on the table when I get home, and he betterI wonder if she expects him toV
like there's no tomorrow when he puts the kids to bed or I'm cutting off his ####### daily golf. Also ##### better make a ####### sandwich.James Daulton
Footballguy
ydoc
Footballguy
and what is wrong with this...You know when she talks to her gal pas she's like, "that man of mine better have me a hot meal on the table when I get home, and he better
Shula-holic
Footballguy
More power to you. I work for myself. The day I get tired of it and sell the business that's the plan here as well.
ydoc
Footballguy
But to be fair, having a successful career and making enough money so one day you can say, "Eff it....I don't want to work anymore", while you happen to be married to a wife that works....
Isn't the same thing as true, stay at home dad in traditional sense.
It's more like you are retired, than a stay at home dad.
Isn't the same thing as true, stay at home dad in traditional sense.
It's more like you are retired, than a stay at home dad.
Cowboysfan8
Footballguy
Wooderson
Fight The Power
Statcruncher
Footballguy
By the way to add to my previous sob story here is some background. I moved to my wife's state when we got engaged. Due to that she made more money and benefits than me. With arrival of first child we agreed she would be a stay at home mom which meant no cable, free money, or retirement savings. We agreed that when the kids were all in school we would both work and max savings.
Over the nearly 2 decades we were married l got promotion after promotion tripling out income but she kept outspending it. Finally after 17 years the light at the end of the tunnel was close. Our youngest and final child was starting school.
That's when she informed me she never wanted to work again and filed for divorce. Used me like the insects that lay their larva on living creatures so they can feed upon them to grow. Hope your situation is different but please protect yourself. Good luck!
Over the nearly 2 decades we were married l got promotion after promotion tripling out income but she kept outspending it. Finally after 17 years the light at the end of the tunnel was close. Our youngest and final child was starting school.
That's when she informed me she never wanted to work again and filed for divorce. Used me like the insects that lay their larva on living creatures so they can feed upon them to grow. Hope your situation is different but please protect yourself. Good luck!
cstu
Footballguy
I'm competing to do as little work as possible and define success as having as much money as people who work much harder than me. Also, outliving them.
renesauz
IBL Representative
Absolutely true! I've learned, the absolute hardest way possible, that there are certainly different levels of train wreck though.
Years ago while still young and living on an E5 Navy salary, my ex mentioned that we needed a few groceries. It was only 3 or 4 days from payday, and there was only a hundred or so in the account. I said sure, but there's only a hundred there, so just get what we need for the next 2 or 3 days. She came home hours later with $400 worth of groceries. That should have clued me in. It was only one of hundreds of checks she'd bounce over the next several years. I had a car repo'd and a house foreclosed on during a year when our combined taxable income was higher than it had ever been before....or since. She was charged $4000 in overdraft fees...in ONE YEAR!
My current wife acts like she's frugal. She will shop thrift stores. She'll see a steal and buy it just to resell it online and make a couple of dollars. She's a cheap date and doesn't spend much time in pricy stores. In 7 years together, I think she's bounced two checks...both honest mistakes. She's perfectly willing to compromise and can put off a purchase when necessary. BUT...she can't save. If a hundred bucks is sitting around unspent...she can and will spend it. After disaster #1, wife #2 is far easier to live with. Even my credit has (finally) recovered
I've tried a dozen different systems with both wives. Allowances don't work. But the first was a full blown hurricane, the second a spring shower.
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Judge Smails
Footballguy
So glad my wife isn't a spender. Have friends where every freakin' day UPS is showing up with another shoe delivery. No thanks.
James Daulton
Footballguy
Insecure because I'd prefer to be the provider for the family? Men have had that role for as long as we've been here you know. And if it works for him fine, just saying I would have trouble with it and I would at the very least work part time so I could generate my own spending cash.proninja said:
But whatever, everyone's different, if his family is happy, good for them
Rick James
Footballguy
This strikes me as odd. Why tip-toe around the issue? Confront it. Lay down boundaries and consequences, and let the chips fall where they may.
massraider
Footballguy
These freaking stories about wives that spend have me completely terrified.
sbonomo
Footballguy
It does amaze me so many people on this board allow them to get away with it. I would take them off the credit card, take them off the checking account, etc. If they can't act like an adult you need to treat them like an immature child.
massraider
Footballguy
tommyboy
Footballguy
Well, a marriage is a partnership built on several key items of trust, money is one of those key items.
If one person can't trust the other in regards money, then one if the foundations of your marriage is broken. You can either fix it or end it, but ignoring it or soft pedalling it won't make it better and your marriage is basically broken.
Chose wisely.
If one person can't trust the other in regards money, then one if the foundations of your marriage is broken. You can either fix it or end it, but ignoring it or soft pedalling it won't make it better and your marriage is basically broken.
Chose wisely.
cstu
Footballguy
Probably because you wanted it that way. I think the guys in this situation out-kicked their coverage in terms of looks and are now seeing the consequences.
Judge Smails
Footballguy
No, pretty sure I out kicked my coverage as well. Not sure what you mean by your first sentence - who doesn't want their wife's spending in check?
DallasDMac
Footballguy
Hopefully that thought helps you along when you are 70 and still working because you have no retirement savings.
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
Statcruncher
Footballguy
Lol, spoken like a person who has never faced that situation. Your logical solution does not work on women who have fatal flaws. Not everything is black and white. It's like telling an addict to just stop, not that easy. Sometimes people change and you are just screwed.
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cstu
Footballguy
Point I was making is that most guys with high spending wives knew that she was a spender prior to getting married.
Quez
Footballguy
She keeps spending because she knows you have another account to bail her out. You need to somehow show her the money isn't there in the other account. Open another bank account, move money around, take it out and put it in a safe deposit, etc. Just show her there isn't as much money as she thinks in the other account.
If you need to kick it up a notch we can start having FBGs call the housepretending to be creditors for unpaid bills.
If you need to kick it up a notch we can start having FBGs call the housepretending to be creditors for unpaid bills.
Deepster
Footballguy
Question to the original poster:
What type of financial situation are her parents in? Retired and comfy, sitting on a fat nest egg? Or is the FIL still working at 67-68, watching the MIL spend money they don't have?
My EX wife? Had us 20k+ in credit card debt and she was working full time. It was a big chunk of the tension in our marriage. Her poor Dad is still working and he'll be 70 in December and her Mom gets a brand new car every couple years.
If your wife just doesn't care about any mutually shared long term vision/goals, get out now. A "budget" or allowance isn't gonna work.
What type of financial situation are her parents in? Retired and comfy, sitting on a fat nest egg? Or is the FIL still working at 67-68, watching the MIL spend money they don't have?
My EX wife? Had us 20k+ in credit card debt and she was working full time. It was a big chunk of the tension in our marriage. Her poor Dad is still working and he'll be 70 in December and her Mom gets a brand new car every couple years.
If your wife just doesn't care about any mutually shared long term vision/goals, get out now. A "budget" or allowance isn't gonna work.
Statcruncher
Footballguy
As another backstory to my tale of woe, when ebay first starting getting big I dabbled in it starting with $15. I would buy undervalued items, write extensive auctions descriptions and take tons of photos and relist them. With small children the only time I had to do this was from 10pm to midnight when everyone else was asleep. After a few months I had amassed a decent sum of cash that my wife did not know about. I really wanted to use it to dig out of some of the debt she had racked up but felt guilty doing it behind her back.
Instead of paying debt I decided to come clean and surprise her with the money. It was only 3k, but at the time our annual income was only about 24k. I got a babysitter for the kids and planned a rare night out at a nice restaurant. Afraid that she might start crying with joy I told her in the car on the way there to avoid a scene at the restaurant.
"You know how I have been staying up at nights? Well I haven't been playing computer games. I've been on ebay buying and selling". At that point I dropped an envelope with 3k in her lap and said she could spend half on anything she wanted.
There were plenty of tears, but not joy, anger. She couldn't understand how I could keep this from her and she felt so betrayed. We never made the reservations and when home in silence instead. The next day I got the cold shoulder routine until she left the house leaving me to watch the kids. When she arrived home later that evening she forgave me, turns out she spent 4k on "things we've been needing". That is when I knew I was screwed, but with 3 young kids nothing to do but try to ride it out as long as possible. We had been married 7 years at this point.
Instead of paying debt I decided to come clean and surprise her with the money. It was only 3k, but at the time our annual income was only about 24k. I got a babysitter for the kids and planned a rare night out at a nice restaurant. Afraid that she might start crying with joy I told her in the car on the way there to avoid a scene at the restaurant.
"You know how I have been staying up at nights? Well I haven't been playing computer games. I've been on ebay buying and selling". At that point I dropped an envelope with 3k in her lap and said she could spend half on anything she wanted.
There were plenty of tears, but not joy, anger. She couldn't understand how I could keep this from her and she felt so betrayed. We never made the reservations and when home in silence instead. The next day I got the cold shoulder routine until she left the house leaving me to watch the kids. When she arrived home later that evening she forgave me, turns out she spent 4k on "things we've been needing". That is when I knew I was screwed, but with 3 young kids nothing to do but try to ride it out as long as possible. We had been married 7 years at this point.