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Had a WTF? conversation with the wife (1 Viewer)

I'm still with NCC on all this. In fact, it would be a welcome revelation to learn that my wife actually enjoys sex. :excited:

 
Serious note - seriously:

You need to sit down and talk with her about everything. It's entirely possible that at the end of the conversation you are satisfied that she hasn't cheated on you or answered any question you might have. Whatever you are looking for. But what you can't do is let this fester inside of you. You will begin to doubt, question, hate, retaliate, and do things that end up destroying you as well. Before this conversation you loved her and never doubted her. So start with that, and go from there.

That will be the only serious advice I give you. Unless you pay my retainer. Although I'm guessing you aren't in New Jersey. So I can't take it anyway. Damn ethics rules.

 
Sounds like she has issues taking responsibility for her actions and owning up to them. First she was blaming the affairs on a bad marriage, now on a friend egging her on.

This reminds me a lot of a friend of mine from high-school, dropped out of college, has been in and out of rehab, three close brushes with death that I know about which likely means at least as many that I don't. Twice divorced at 36, bounces from job to job, no career, no health insurance, no direction except towards the grave. He attributes every single downturn in his life to someone else. Nothing is ever his doing or his fault.

But you said in OP that everything in the marriage has been relatively good right? Does this mean you have been happy with her and your marriage prior to this, or just that nothing really bad or weird has raised your suspicions?
"Everything" is a bit of a stretch, but I would say most things have gone ok. I had no reason to suspect she was out fooling around. She's always home at night and doesn't travel for work. On weekends we either do stuff together or do family stuff. I suppose she could have gotten in trouble at lunch time or skipped work, but I doubt it. The 800 pound gorilla in the room is what actually happened to cause her to want to reveal what she revealed?

 
Right. Well hopefully it isn't something that will directly impact you, but it definitely has the feel of her coming clean out of necessity because something else is coming down the pipe. Hopefully it's nothing more than visitation rights from father of kid 2.

 
Sounds like she has issues taking responsibility for her actions and owning up to them. First she was blaming the affairs on a bad marriage, now on a friend egging her on.

This reminds me a lot of a friend of mine from high-school, dropped out of college, has been in and out of rehab, three close brushes with death that I know about which likely means at least as many that I don't. Twice divorced at 36, bounces from job to job, no career, no health insurance, no direction except towards the grave. He attributes every single downturn in his life to someone else. Nothing is ever his doing or his fault.

But you said in OP that everything in the marriage has been relatively good right? Does this mean you have been happy with her and your marriage prior to this, or just that nothing really bad or weird has raised your suspicions?
"Everything" is a bit of a stretch, but I would say most things have gone ok. I had no reason to suspect she was out fooling around. She's always home at night and doesn't travel for work. On weekends we either do stuff together or do family stuff. I suppose she could have gotten in trouble at lunch time or skipped work, but I doubt it. The 800 pound gorilla in the room is what actually happened to cause her to want to reveal what she revealed?
maybe it's been on her mind for a while and this was the first time she was loose enough (due to the alcohol) to say anything about it...

 
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Serious note - seriously:

You need to sit down and talk with her about everything. It's entirely possible that at the end of the conversation you are satisfied that she hasn't cheated on you or answered any question you might have. Whatever you are looking for. But what you can't do is let this fester inside of you. You will begin to doubt, question, hate, retaliate, and do things that end up destroying you as well. Before this conversation you loved her and never doubted her. So start with that, and go from there.

That will be the only serious advice I give you. Unless you pay my retainer. Although I'm guessing you aren't in New Jersey. So I can't take it anyway. Damn ethics rules.
As a fake lawyer, I'm legally allowed to take a retainer no matter where you reside. PM me about how you'd like to pay me.

 
Serious answer, because they aren't representing another person. You only have to be a lawyer if you're representing someone else.
So is there a law like Impersonating a Police Officer? Or does it only apply if you charge for legal advice. Just wondering, because depending on your answer, I may need to change my business cards.
You can hand out business cards, you just can't give legal advice. If you are just impressing the womyn you are good.
Yeah, this is kind of what I was getting at. I just wasn't sure if saying you were a lawyer was a crime.
What state are you in?
Denial.
Drove there in my brand new Crossover.
Laugh all you want. You'll wish you had one like me on Thursday, chump.

 
Serious answer, because they aren't representing another person. You only have to be a lawyer if you're representing someone else.
So is there a law like Impersonating a Police Officer? Or does it only apply if you charge for legal advice. Just wondering, because depending on your answer, I may need to change my business cards.
You can hand out business cards, you just can't give legal advice. If you are just impressing the womyn you are good.
Yeah, this is kind of what I was getting at. I just wasn't sure if saying you were a lawyer was a crime.
What state are you in?
Denial.
Drove there in my brand new Crossover.
Laugh all you want. You'll wish you had one like me on Thursday, chump.
I won't be driving anywhere Thursday. And I'll be glad I won't.

 
Serious answer, because they aren't representing another person. You only have to be a lawyer if you're representing someone else.
So is there a law like Impersonating a Police Officer? Or does it only apply if you charge for legal advice. Just wondering, because depending on your answer, I may need to change my business cards.
You can hand out business cards, you just can't give legal advice. If you are just impressing the womyn you are good.
Yeah, this is kind of what I was getting at. I just wasn't sure if saying you were a lawyer was a crime.
What state are you in?
Denial.
Drove there in my brand new Crossover.
Laugh all you want. You'll wish you had one like me on Thursday, chump.
I won't be driving anywhere Thursday. And I'll be glad I won't.
Good, because you wouldn't get a ride from me. Call Jaysus.

 
When is the right time to tell someone you just starting dating about your gang bang history? By date 3?
My wife's best friend encouraged my wife (then girlfriend) to tell me a secret she was holding during our dating period. My wife did not do so until a burst of tears one night a few months after we were married. :shrug: It might have been a deal-breaker, but I'll never know for sure. Things happen, yet I believe she was the one for me.

More generally, the joke has been that since she's half-Swedish, half-German, I dated the Swede: Married the German. I suspect a lot of women roll out some degree of salesmanship during the courtship.
Such an underrated post. Awesome, man.

 
Serious note - seriously:

You need to sit down and talk with her about everything. It's entirely possible that at the end of the conversation you are satisfied that she hasn't cheated on you or answered any question you might have. Whatever you are looking for. But what you can't do is let this fester inside of you. You will begin to doubt, question, hate, retaliate, and do things that end up destroying you as well. Before this conversation you loved her and never doubted her. So start with that, and go from there.

That will be the only serious advice I give you. Unless you pay my retainer. Although I'm guessing you aren't in New Jersey. So I can't take it anyway. Damn ethics rules.
As a fake lawyer, I'm legally allowed to take a retainer no matter where you reside. PM me about how you'd like to pay me.
Do you accept coupons and/or pennies?

 
Serious answer, because they aren't representing another person. You only have to be a lawyer if you're representing someone else.
So is there a law like Impersonating a Police Officer? Or does it only apply if you charge for legal advice. Just wondering, because depending on your answer, I may need to change my business cards.
Doesn't matter if you charge fees or not. You cannot provide legal advice/representation without a license.

Although, the sanction for doing it, as far as i'm aware, is really just that you can't ever get a license if you tried.
So pretending to be a lawyer will keep you from ever being a real lawyer. So you'll just have to keep pretending to be a lawyer. Duly noted.
Except that once you've been ordered by the State Supreme Court to stop doing it, you're going to be in violation of that order and in contempt of court. Among other conceivable problems.
And if you sign docs representation to be a lawyer, defraud somebody by taking their money under the pretense of you becoming their lawyer, etc.

But those are technically different crimes.

 
sbonomo said:
what happened to the OP? Wonder if the crazy wife shut his account down?
I'm still here. There have been several pages of stuff that have had nothing to do with the thread itself. Not much more to add with people talking about invoicing costs.
Look buddy we're just trying to let you know what's in store in the event you choose to take the hardline approach advocated by some here to divorce her.

 
She says she doesn't remember the talk, but have you mentioned the stuff that she revealed to you?

I'm on the forgive and forget train, but if you want to bring it up and she says "what talk?" and you say "The talk where you told me Kid #2 doesn't have the same father as Kid #1 and that's why your ex left", and she goes back into denial mode... that'd be a huge issue.

 
She says she doesn't remember the talk, but have you mentioned the stuff that she revealed to you?

I'm on the forgive and forget train, but if you want to bring it up and she says "what talk?" and you say "The talk where you told me Kid #2 doesn't have the same father as Kid #1 and that's why your ex left", and she goes back into denial mode... that'd be a huge issue.
She's now put the weight of this guilt on his shoulders. Total bs.

 
Didn't this all start after a shower with old friends? She may have found out something about one of the potential baby daddies that threw her and brought it all back. Could even have met one of them.

 
Didn't this all start after a shower with old friends? She may have found out something about one of the potential baby daddies that threw her and brought it all back. Could even have met one of them.
No. Started up with a wedding on my side of the family with no one else she knew there.

 
Didn't this all start after a shower with old friends? She may have found out something about one of the potential baby daddies that threw her and brought it all back. Could even have met one of them.
No. Started up with a wedding on my side of the family with no one else she knew there.
You mean "no one else you think she knew there." In the biblical sense.

 
Didn't this all start after a shower with old friends? She may have found out something about one of the potential baby daddies that threw her and brought it all back. Could even have met one of them.
No. Started up with a wedding on my side of the family with no one else she knew there.
Probably brought back how she felt on your wedding day, knowing she hadn't told you the truth.

 
Didn't this all start after a shower with old friends? She may have found out something about one of the potential baby daddies that threw her and brought it all back. Could even have met one of them.
No. Started up with a wedding on my side of the family with no one else she knew there.
Probably brought back how she felt on your wedding day, knowing she hadn't told you the truth.
At least you didn't say she went to an all night rager and banged all the guests, the wait staff, and the local high school hockey team . . . thus remembering her gangbanging days.

 
You still have not answered my question :rant: which leads me to believe that there are some psycological problems that are not being disclosed.

 
Slapdash said:
At least it is better than DSP and Cliffton projecting onto Eggroll that his wife is getting gangbanged and blasted in the face.
Clifton in particular came out of the gate all frothy but I don't really understand why so many think that their idea is so far out there. She was free enough with the OP to talk about guys she wished she had hooked up with back in the day and about all the guys she did hook up with but was vague about things she did at parties. It didn't sound like she had a lot of shame when she was saying all of this so it would seem odd to me that something she was vague about was something minor. To add to that, if you went to a party and dragged somebody out of there, would you consider it "doing things at a party"?

Some of you are not bothered by something your spouse did 14 years ago. Good for you. But to say that anybody that would be bothered by that is immature is unfair. Different things matter to different people.

 
When is the right time to tell someone you just starting dating about your gang bang history? By date 3?
My wife's best friend encouraged my wife (then girlfriend) to tell me a secret she was holding during our dating period. My wife did not do so until a burst of tears one night a few months after we were married. :shrug: It might have been a deal-breaker, but I'll never know for sure. Things happen, yet I believe she was the one for me.

More generally, the joke has been that since she's half-Swedish, half-German, I dated the Swede: Married the German. I suspect a lot of women roll out some degree of salesmanship during the courtship.
Such an underrated post. Awesome, man.
:goodposting:

 
something tells me there is way more to this story....you need to tell us way more about her baggage....there has to be some in this case.
Not sure what baggage you are looking for. If you ask specific things I can try to answer.
Daddy issues, abuse problems when she was a child, struggles with depression, bipolar, etc.....People don't just lose all of their morals in a night and end up with a kid....based on your description it also sounds like she was into some pretty hardcore activities as well......
Still waiting for an answer to this question :tapsfoot:
Was there was a question in there? No daddy issues or abuse problems that I am aware of. No to bipolar, depression, or mental health issues. Not really into hardcore partying as far as I know.

To be clear, this is based on how she has acted since I met her. Maybe she was a little more wild before I met her, but I do not get the sense that she was a hardcore partier or a nympho when she was younger. That's why I was so surprised the night she got tipsy and described what she had done when she was in her early to mid 20's. The story I was sold was having only 3 long term boyfriends (2 of which she married). Add in the guy she briefly dated before me and that was supposedly the main players in her sexual history. That was mostly what the framework was until last week when she got tipsy and her list got way longer and her persona of being Miss Prim and Proper got flushed down the toilet.

Maybe her shtick has been to play the sweet and innocent girl next door card and I bought it and had no reason to think otherwise. I still don't think she was passed around to the Chicago Bears football team and triple teamed, but your guess is as good as mine.

 
something tells me there is way more to this story....you need to tell us way more about her baggage....there has to be some in this case.
Not sure what baggage you are looking for. If you ask specific things I can try to answer.
Daddy issues, abuse problems when she was a child, struggles with depression, bipolar, etc.....People don't just lose all of their morals in a night and end up with a kid....based on your description it also sounds like she was into some pretty hardcore activities as well......
Still waiting for an answer to this question :tapsfoot:
Was there was a question in there? No daddy issues or abuse problems that I am aware of. No to bipolar, depression, or mental health issues. Not really into hardcore partying as far as I know.

To be clear, this is based on how she has acted since I met her. Maybe she was a little more wild before I met her, but I do not get the sense that she was a hardcore partier or a nympho when she was younger. That's why I was so surprised the night she got tipsy and described what she had done when she was in her early to mid 20's. The story I was sold was having only 3 long term boyfriends (2 of which she married). Add in the guy she briefly dated before me and that was supposedly the main players in her sexual history. That was mostly what the framework was until last week when she got tipsy and her list got way longer and her persona of being Miss Prim and Proper got flushed down the toilet.

Maybe her shtick has been to play the sweet and innocent girl next door card and I bought it and had no reason to think otherwise. I still don't think she was passed around to the Chicago Bears football team and triple teamed, but your guess is as good as mine.
I bet there is way more to this story than she has let you know. I may be way off but this just sounds way too weird.

 
I have reviewed the case and have determined that I would need a $10,000.00 retainer to handle the divorce proceeding.
I'll do it for 5k flat fee.
How do you make money? (Or is Arizona another world compared to New Jersey? Standard "easy" divorce here requires 3 court appearances. I'm guessing there will be a paternity test as part of this and a few motions regarding that. If I am in court all day - and you are here the calendar is so backed up - 3 full days is more than 5K right off the bat.
I'm in a smaller county, so unless the divorce is particularly messy I'm generally just looking at 1-2 court appearances and a few hours of paperwork. My office is in walking distance to the court and the court here runs on a pretty tight schedule so I'm not in court for a 30 minute hearing for much more than 45 minutes.
And for that you charge $5k?
No, for seven years of post-secondary education backed by malpractice insurance and knowledge of how to make sure your client doesn't get charged with bigamy if he marries again and/or knowledge of how to create an enforceable separation of property, plus probably knowing the judge by first name, he charges $5K.
Not to mention having to put up with people going through a divorce. And 5K is way way too cheap.
Calm down lawyer-guys, no one's questioning that you guys do have "some" value.

:P

 
something tells me there is way more to this story....you need to tell us way more about her baggage....there has to be some in this case.
Not sure what baggage you are looking for. If you ask specific things I can try to answer.
Daddy issues, abuse problems when she was a child, struggles with depression, bipolar, etc.....People don't just lose all of their morals in a night and end up with a kid....based on your description it also sounds like she was into some pretty hardcore activities as well......
Still waiting for an answer to this question :tapsfoot:
Was there was a question in there? No daddy issues or abuse problems that I am aware of. No to bipolar, depression, or mental health issues. Not really into hardcore partying as far as I know.

To be clear, this is based on how she has acted since I met her. Maybe she was a little more wild before I met her, but I do not get the sense that she was a hardcore partier or a nympho when she was younger. That's why I was so surprised the night she got tipsy and described what she had done when she was in her early to mid 20's. The story I was sold was having only 3 long term boyfriends (2 of which she married). Add in the guy she briefly dated before me and that was supposedly the main players in her sexual history. That was mostly what the framework was until last week when she got tipsy and her list got way longer and her persona of being Miss Prim and Proper got flushed down the toilet.

Maybe her shtick has been to play the sweet and innocent girl next door card and I bought it and had no reason to think otherwise. I still don't think she was passed around to the Chicago Bears football team and triple teamed, but your guess is as good as mine.
I bet there is way more to this story than she has let you know. I may be way off but this just sounds way too weird.
There may be more to the story, but I don't have access to the missing puzzle pieces. And I agree that the whole thing is weird.

 
Well, if I were you I would be worried about what brought this on and her paternity question to you.

Do you care if you are the father of child #3?

And if I read your last post right, she had been married and divorced twice before you met her? Or are you marriage #2? How old was she when you met?

 
Well, if I were you I would be worried about what brought this on and her paternity question to you.

Do you care if you are the father of child #3?

And if I read your last post right, she had been married and divorced twice before you met her? Or are you marriage #2? How old was she when you met?
I am marriage number 2. She was married roughly from age 20-23. Met me probably at 25 and got remarried around 27. Might not be exact but probably close.

As for the child #3 comments she had, during the conversation she asked if after all these years her ex- should care whether he was or was not the biological father of kid #2 (inferring he had so much invested what difference would it make). As a "for instance" kind of a comment, she asked me after all the time invested in kid #3 would I throw him overboard if I were not the biological father. I don't think that was her way of trying to show that I was not the real father, I think it was just to use as a comparison. The huge majority of the conversation all focused on things that happened way before me and had nothing to do with me. I was the one that tried to bring things more current and review what happened in my timeframe, not her. But she wanted to keep going back to ancient history with her ex. That was the weird part, it was like she went back to re-live the 90s. Anything involving me was pretty much left out of the conversation. when I dragged myself into the conversation she got irritated and wanted to get back to 20 years ago. I was mostly a footnote in the conversation and if I kept my mouth shut may not have been included at all.

 
I was mostly a footnote in the conversation and if I kept my mouth shut may not have been included at all.
I'm really not usually the guy on this board that makes the sexual innuendo joke about other people's lives. I'm really not. So it's really really really hard for me to sit here and see this sentence and not envision Michael from The Office turning purple with a catch phrase. I'm hanging on to decorum here, I really am. By a finger. In that action movie kind of way right before I lose my grasp and someone catches me. It's just sitting there.

Not gonna do it.....

 
I was mostly a footnote in the conversation and if I kept my mouth shut may not have been included at all.
I'm really not usually the guy on this board that makes the sexual innuendo joke about other people's lives. I'm really not. So it's really really really hard for me to sit here and see this sentence and not envision Michael from The Office turning purple with a catch phrase. I'm hanging on to decorum here, I really am. By a finger. In that action movie kind of way right before I lose my grasp and someone catches me. It's just sitting there.

Not gonna do it.....
My point being, no matter how it gets phrased, was that she had her mind set on exploring things from the distant past and that was what she was going to do. What happened that caused her to want to do that is a mystery and why she felt compelled to tell me is a separate issue. Maybe she just wanted to get things off her chest (rim shot) after years of pent up guilt.

 
Well, if I were you I would be worried about what brought this on and her paternity question to you.

Do you care if you are the father of child #3?

And if I read your last post right, she had been married and divorced twice before you met her? Or are you marriage #2? How old was she when you met?
I am marriage number 2. She was married roughly from age 20-23. Met me probably at 25 and got remarried around 27. Might not be exact but probably close.

As for the child #3 comments she had, during the conversation she asked if after all these years her ex- should care whether he was or was not the biological father of kid #2 (inferring he had so much invested what difference would it make). As a "for instance" kind of a comment, she asked me after all the time invested in kid #3 would I throw him overboard if I were not the biological father. I don't think that was her way of trying to show that I was not the real father, I think it was just to use as a comparison. The huge majority of the conversation all focused on things that happened way before me and had nothing to do with me. I was the one that tried to bring things more current and review what happened in my timeframe, not her. But she wanted to keep going back to ancient history with her ex. That was the weird part, it was like she went back to re-live the 90s. Anything involving me was pretty much left out of the conversation. when I dragged myself into the conversation she got irritated and wanted to get back to 20 years ago. I was mostly a footnote in the conversation and if I kept my mouth shut may not have been included at all.
Given that description not as bad as it sounded originally. The lies that started out the relationship are still a big issue, but I think you can forgive that. It's still worrisome that she cheated on her ex and lied to you about her past relationship which seems like it could have changed things had you known the truth.

If you love her and have a relatively happy marriage, you just need to reestablish trust.

 
You need to tell her some of what you know and see how she reacts. If you tell her you know that she isn't sure kid #2 is her exhusbands and that she hasn't been totally honest about some stuff, she might reveal more by her reaction. If she goes into full on denial, fear the worst.

 
So she always tries to limit herself to a two drink max? Seems possible this is because she never wanted secrets like the ones she just revealed to ever come out, or go back to her "things happening at parties" days.

 
So she always tries to limit herself to a two drink max? Seems possible this is because she never wanted secrets like the ones she just revealed to ever come out, or go back to her "things happening at parties" days.
She mostly stays away from alcohol as she has started taking meds for other medical issues.

 
So she always tries to limit herself to a two drink max? Seems possible this is because she never wanted secrets like the ones she just revealed to ever come out, or go back to her "things happening at parties" days.
She mostly stays away from alcohol as she has started taking meds for other medical issues.
Antidepressants, or anti-psychotics?
MEDICAL issues, not psychological issues.
Psychiatric issues are medical issues.

 
So where do you stand on all this Eggroll? Big deal/small deal/nothing to worry about? Do you feel she owes it to kid 2 to tell him the truth?

 
Has she told her son?
No. As far as she knows, only she and her ex know what happened, and no one has a definitive answer to the kid's lineage. Her preference (explained while tipsy) was not to know who the father is and just let everyone assume it was her ex.
This is my only issue. The son has a right to know that his father is unknown and should have the right to decide if he wants to pursue the truth.I'll just leave it at that. I won't argue with you over it across several pages. Just take it into consideration.

 
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My point being, no matter how it gets phrased, was that she had her mind set on exploring things from the distant past and that was what she was going to do. What happened that caused her to want to do that is a mystery and why she felt compelled to tell me is a separate issue. Maybe she just wanted to get things off her chest (rim shot) after years of pent up guilt.
This sounds like what I've been feeling from both her revelations and your reaction to them through much of this thread. It's almost like she had bottled up these feelings for so long it was really bugging her--maybe even without her realizing how much--and being in a susceptible frame of mind that night she just had to dump. To me that suggests that however she was behaving back then is not how she feels about herself, nor how you perceive her, and that she's been having an issue with that for quite some time whether she realized it or not.

If this sounds like it strikes a chord with you then I'm with Clifford on this--it all sounds irrelevant to your relationship now.


 
I think answering the question of the son's father is up to her, not Eggroll. If unexpected allergies, health issues or different blood types haven't raised questions then there's no immediate need here, and from the OP it doesn't seem like there's much chance of finding out who the father is anyway.

 
I think answering the question of the son's father is up to her, not Eggroll. If unexpected allergies, health issues or different blood types haven't raised questions then there's no immediate need here, and from the OP it doesn't seem like there's much chance of finding out who the father is anyway.
If you're talking to me, I didn't mean to imply that the OP should tell him. But he should urge his wife to. Health information is the least of the reasons why. The young man simply deserves to know.

 
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