Hardest decision in my life (1 Viewer)

[tri-man 47]

I'd stay with my son. Couple of reasons: First, being a spiritual person, I would trust that my father (in the immediacy of his passing) would understand my choice and not have a final moment of regret that I wasn't there. I'd trust that at the end of his mortal life, he was not alone. Second, my son would be losing his grandfather, and in some respects, such a loss can be harder on a child than for us as adults losing that parent. I wouldn't want my son to be nervously entering surgery while also dealing with his own anguish over grandpa's death.

 

[Bull Dozier]

Everyone's relationships are different. I can only look at it from the perspective of my own, and I can say it would be an easy decision to be with my son.

 

[Hooper31]

No right or wrong answer here. Anyone that tells you otherwise is out of line. Way too personal question for other people to answer without knowing what your relationships with your son/father are like.

 

[Payne]

What would you want your son to do if you were the dad?

 

[Otis]

No right or wrong answer here. Anyone that tells you otherwise is out of line. Way too personal question for other people to answer without knowing what your relationships with your son/father are like.

Yeah except he posted it on a messageboard and asked other people to answer it without knowing what his relationships with his son/father are like.

 

[HellToupee]

No wrong answer here

 

[NutterButter]

If my dad was out of it and I already spent a significant amount of time with him, i'd stay with my kid. I'd certainly want to be right there with my kid if something goes wrong.

 

[comfortably numb]

no wrong choice here although you may feel any choice leaves you with some regret

I'd go say goodbye to dad. I think back often to my last few hours, minutes and seconds with my dad taking his last breath.

Gave me some peace in a difficult time. Your son is probably gonna be on his phone the whole time you are there anyway....jk.....sort of

 

[HellToupee]

What would you want your son to do if you were the dad?

I'd want my son to comfort my grandson inthis scenario if I were a grandfather

 

[comfortably numb]

no wrong choice here although you may feel any choice leaves you with some regret

I'd go say goodbye to dad. I think back often to my last few hours, minutes and seconds with my dad taking his last breath.

Gave me some peace in a difficult time. Your son is probably gonna be on his phone the whole time you are there anyway....jk.....sort of

ETA

I am no longer religious on any level but for some reason it became important to me to not have my dad die alone.

(family went home for the night and I slept in his room so he wouldn't pass alone)

Don't know why this suddenly felt important to me but when his monitors woke me up at 4AM and the nurses just let me have my moment I was pleased he passed with someone by his side.

Later on my MIL passed (wasn't close to her, never actually met her) and when she passed my FIL, wife and I were there.

Having never met the woman it made me feel good she passed with people by her side.

 

[BobbyLayne]

Reschedule the surgery and take the son with you.

My 16 year old was present when my mom passed a few years ago. The grandchildren were also the pall bearers a few days later. It was very meaningful for our family to all be together.

 

[Ditka Butkus]

Tough one but I would probably stay with my kid, I think that is what my dad would want me to do.

Came here to post this. .

 

[Quez]

Tell your kid to go through the surgery without anesthesia so you can see your dad. They can still give it to him in his leg, so he won't feel anything anyways.

 

[beer 30]

I had a similar experience when my dad passed. I'd ask if your father would be coherent enough to know that you were there? My dad was in the hospital for cold he couldn't shake, took a nosedive and by the time I was called (I lived 3 hours away) he was already on life support. Up until recently I had some serious regret about not being there when I knew he went into the hospital. Never got a chance to tell him goodbye in person while he was coherent. Bothered me for a lot of years.

No wrong answer, no good option either.

 

[tri-man 47]

Don't know why this suddenly felt important to me but when his monitors woke me up at 4AM and the nurses just let me have my moment I was pleased he passed with someone by his side.

When my mom was failing from dementia, one of my sisters went over to the nursing home on her lunch break to spend extra time ..same logic, she just felt she should be there. My mom wasn't responsive at all, but my sister put on a tape of hymns as she sat there. When Amazing Grace came on, my mom's eyes suddenly opened wide, she looked skyward ...and breathed her last. Of course, that has become a comforting memory for all of us.

 

[wilked]

I gotta admit I was expecting a tougher scenario. To me it is clear-cut, stay with your dad.

I have had ACL surgery on both knees. There really isn't much for anyone to do beforehand, once you are sedated you are out like a lightbulb. Of course when you recover you need someone to drive you home but then again, a taxi driver can fill that role in reality

 

[PinkydaPimp]

I would reschedule and bring my son and family to say goodbye to my father. You only get one chance at that.

 

[Gianni Verscotchie]

Give your kid some cab fare and a pat on the back

 

[shadyridr]

Without looking at replies, Id stay with your son. Your father willl probably be incoherent anyway and would understand 100%. It sounds like you stayed with him a ton over the last few months. Anyway best wishes and good luck to your son.

This was my thought.

lol i wonder why we both think the same

 

[jwb]

Without looking at replies, Id stay with your son. Your father willl probably be incoherent anyway and would understand 100%. It sounds like you stayed with him a ton over the last few months. Anyway best wishes and good luck to your son.

This was my thought.

lol i wonder why we both think the same

heh heh - that made me laugh.

 

[jonessed]

See Dad.

 

[Sand]

I'd stay with my son. Couple of reasons: First, being a spiritual person, I would trust that my father (in the immediacy of his passing) would understand my choice and not have a final moment of regret that I wasn't there. I'd trust that at the end of his mortal life, he was not alone. Second, my son would be losing his grandfather, and in some respects, such a loss can be harder on a child than for us as adults losing that parent. I wouldn't want my son to be nervously entering surgery while also dealing with his own anguish over grandpa's death.

Interesting discussions - thanks for all the thoughts.

In the end I stayed with my son. My father was under heavy sedation and it had become pretty clear for a couple weeks before that that he was very unlikely to ever leave the hospital. My brother, who went through the whole thing with me, fully agreed with my decision to, as he said, "take care of the living". I had plenty of time to come to terms and get in what time I could with my dad.

Still, getting the call in the waiting room just before my child get into surgery that he had passed made for a horrible day (and, as a corollary, the math worked out that I would have likely missed my dad by 15-30 minutes or so, not that that makes any difference when the choice was before me) . The day was really only buoyed by the feeling of being able to be there after the surgery and help him get set to go home.

As a side note my son had his second knee surgery today, as an MRI made it look like he borked up his repaired ACL pretty good. Turns out the surgeon didn't do anything to the ACL as it was stable, though slightly damaged (it will heal by itself) and did a bit of nip and tuck with his meniscus. Really about as good an outcome for that as humanly possible.

Take care all.

 

[Brony]

sorry for your loss Sand.

 

[beavers]

I'd stay with my son. Couple of reasons: First, being a spiritual person, I would trust that my father (in the immediacy of his passing) would understand my choice and not have a final moment of regret that I wasn't there. I'd trust that at the end of his mortal life, he was not alone. Second, my son would be losing his grandfather, and in some respects, such a loss can be harder on a child than for us as adults losing that parent. I wouldn't want my son to be nervously entering surgery while also dealing with his own anguish over grandpa's death.

Interesting discussions - thanks for all the thoughts.

In the end I stayed with my son. My father was under heavy sedation and it had become pretty clear for a couple weeks before that that he was very unlikely to ever leave the hospital. My brother, who went through the whole thing with me, fully agreed with my decision to, as he said, "take care of the living". I had plenty of time to come to terms and get in what time I could with my dad.

Still, getting the call in the waiting room just before my child get into surgery that he had passed made for a horrible day (and, as a corollary, the math worked out that I would have likely missed my dad by 15-30 minutes or so, not that that makes any difference when the choice was before me) . The day was really only buoyed by the feeling of being able to be there after the surgery and help him get set to go home.

As a side note my son had his second knee surgery today, as an MRI made it look like he borked up his repaired ACL pretty good. Turns out the surgeon didn't do anything to the ACL as it was stable, though slightly damaged (it will heal by itself) and did a bit of nip and tuck with his meniscus. Really about as good an outcome for that as humanly possible.

Take care all.

I would've done the same.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[comfortably numb]

sorry for your loss Sand.

 

[PatsWillWin]

I'm glad it worked out for your (relatively speaking). The important thing is that you're at peace with your father and it certainly sounds like that is the case. Sorry for your loss.