Have you ever had a hemorrhoid? (1 Viewer)

[Wildcat]

I had an external one that was filled with dried blood. It hurt tremendously and there was a lot of pressure in that area. It was the most uncomfortable thing I had ever felt. It felt like a marble trapped under the skin. I tried the warm baths and cream with no relief. Finally I went to my physician and he extracted it with his thumbnail. There was immediate relief and it then healed quickly. The main thing is if you have a one like this is to relieve the pressure. Luckily I have not had one since.

 

[maxwelledison]

Upside?

That has to be

I'm quick like that.

 

[Sack-Religious]

I had an external one that was filled with dried blood. It hurt tremendously and there was a lot of pressure in that area. It was the most uncomfortable thing I had ever felt. It felt like a marble trapped under the skin. I tried the warm baths and cream with no relief. Finally I went to my physician and he extracted it with his thumbnail. There was immediate relief and it then healed quickly. The main thing is if you have a one like this is to relieve the pressure. Luckily I have not had one since.

WTMF???

 

[redman]

I had an external one that was filled with dried blood. It hurt tremendously and there was a lot of pressure in that area. It was the most uncomfortable thing I had ever felt. It felt like a marble trapped under the skin. I tried the warm baths and cream with no relief. Finally I went to my physician and he extracted it with his thumbnail. There was immediate relief and it then healed quickly. The main thing is if you have a one like this is to relieve the pressure. Luckily I have not had one since.

WTMF???

He's a very well-regarded surgeon.

 

[Wildcat]

I had an external one that was filled with dried blood. It hurt tremendously and there was a lot of pressure in that area. It was the most uncomfortable thing I had ever felt. It felt like a marble trapped under the skin. I tried the warm baths and cream with no relief. Finally I went to my physician and he extracted it with his thumbnail. There was immediate relief and it then healed quickly. The main thing is if you have a one like this is to relieve the pressure. Luckily I have not had one since.

WTMF???

Tell me about it. He put a glove on, told me to bend over and "this may hurt a bit" and then showed me the dried blood clot on his thumb. I guess he didn't want to waste an instrument. Budget cuts i guess.

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

Must stop ... reading ... this thread ...

 

[Sack-Religious]

I had an external one that was filled with dried blood. It hurt tremendously and there was a lot of pressure in that area. It was the most uncomfortable thing I had ever felt. It felt like a marble trapped under the skin. I tried the warm baths and cream with no relief. Finally I went to my physician and he extracted it with his thumbnail. There was immediate relief and it then healed quickly. The main thing is if you have a one like this is to relieve the pressure. Luckily I have not had one since.

WTMF???

Tell me about it. He put a glove on, told me to bend over and "this may hurt a bit" and then showed me the dried blood clot on his thumb. I guess he didn't want to waste an instrument. Budget cuts i guess.

Makes slightly more sense, but when I read "thumbnail" I thought he went glovless. Also, if there's ever an unfortunate time in my life where a man is behind me and asked me to bend over and follows that up with "this may hurt a bit" I don't think I'd be bending over much longer.

 

[strykerpks]

What can I do to avoid getting these? Oh, and

Spoiler

"rape kit"

Spoiler

is such a tense phrase.

Try to avoid diarrhea, constipation and straining when pooping.Jeez, I should just avoid pooping then

 

[redman]

What can I do to avoid getting these? Oh, and

Spoiler

"rape kit"

Spoiler

is such a tense phrase.

Spoiler

Try to avoid diarrhea, constipation and straining when pooping.

Jeez, I should just avoid pooping then WTF?

 

[Ralph Furley]

Recommendations:

Baby wipes - a must (throw out your TP, never use it again)

Drink lots of water, stay hydrated

No cafein

Avoid meat

Avoid beer

Also, prep h is helpful and prescription supposotories for itching

The above should take care of things in a few weeks.

If not inquire about surgery, but this should always be a last resort.

 

[Why Me?]

Rubber bands DO NOT WORK - Don't do that.

If it is off "to the side" and "not interfering" with the daily process - then you can let it go and it will reduce on it's own in about 1 week.

If it is "standing in the way of progress' - then you will just reaggrevate it doing your business and you need to see a rectal surgeon and have it removed. Laser or Knife are your options. BOTH F'IN HURT LIKE MAD!

The rubber bands changed my life. they are funny to joke about but I am serious when I tell you I was debilitated by these things - the fear of an attack always in the back of my mind. I had numerous embarrassing, public episodes. I have not had a single problem since I got the rubber band treatment.

Okay - time for one more, this one was the last straw:I was on vacation in Florida with my family. We stayed in a condo near Clearwater for a few days, then drove up to Disney and stayed there for five. I got up early the morning we were leaving Clearwater and played a round of golf. My ### was killing me, made the round absolutely miserable. I actually quit a few holes early – which I have never done before or since. I went back to the condo, packed the car and we set out for Orlando.

I was a cranky ##### the entire ride, shifting around in my seat uncomfortably, saying very little unless I was snapping at my wife or kids over something not worth snapping about. I told her that if her ### hurt like mine did she’d be in a hospital somewhere crying. She replied that she’s sick of listening to me complain about my ### and if it was her it would have been fixed years ago. She called me an idiot. She had a point.

We got to the Animal Kingdom hotel, checked in and of course my kids immediately wanted to go to the pool. So we got changed, headed down and jumped in. It was sweet relief for my ###. I swam around for an hour, playing with the little ones, having a great time. My frown was totally turned upside down – I was a new man. My little girl, four at the time, asked if we could get a drink so I hopped out of the pool and wrapped a white towel around my waist. I walked over to the chairs where we left some stuff and grabbed some money, then walked around the pool to the snack bar. The place was packed, and there was a line so we stood there for a few minutes and waited. I finally got to the front and ordered a beer for myself, sodas for the kids, and started the walk back around the pool to where our chairs were. I got a step or two ahead of my kids when my girl chimed in:

Girl: “Daddy, why is your towel all red?”

Me: “Huh?”

Girl: “The back of your towel is all red.”

Me: “Oh dear God…” – reach back, rub the towel with my hand, look at hand – yup, soaked with effing blood. “Come on guys! Follow me!! Hurry!!”

Girl: “Where?”

Me: “To our room – let’s go!!”

Boy: “We want to swim!” stops in his tracks

Girl: “Is your butt bleeding again?”

Me: “Yes!” turn around, run back and grab crying boy, tuck under arm like a football, and start running inside hotel towards elevators.

Girl: “Gross!!!” - running behind me

By the time we made it back to the room the entire back of the towel was soaked with blood. My wife made me call then and there for an appointment and I got it fixed the week after we got back.

It was a spectacle. I’m sure I was known as “the bloody ### guy” for the rest of our stay there. My wife says she was at the game room with the kids later and she overheard chatter that the pool had been closed for a while that afternoon. Unconfirmed that it was due to my ### blood but I wouldn’t be shocked.

 

[Wildcat]

Rubber bands DO NOT WORK - Don't do that.

If it is off "to the side" and "not interfering" with the daily process - then you can let it go and it will reduce on it's own in about 1 week.

If it is "standing in the way of progress' - then you will just reaggrevate it doing your business and you need to see a rectal surgeon and have it removed. Laser or Knife are your options. BOTH F'IN HURT LIKE MAD!

The rubber bands changed my life. they are funny to joke about but I am serious when I tell you I was debilitated by these things - the fear of an attack always in the back of my mind. I had numerous embarrassing, public episodes. I have not had a single problem since I got the rubber band treatment.

Okay - time for one more, this one was the last straw:I was on vacation in Florida with my family. We stayed in a condo near Clearwater for a few days, then drove up to Disney and stayed there for five. I got up early the morning we were leaving Clearwater and played a round of golf. My ### was killing me, made the round absolutely miserable. I actually quit a few holes early – which I have never done before or since. I went back to the condo, packed the car and we set out for Orlando.

I was a cranky ##### the entire ride, shifting around in my seat uncomfortably, saying very little unless I was snapping at my wife or kids over something not worth snapping about. I told her that if her ### hurt like mine did she’d be in a hospital somewhere crying. She replied that she’s sick of listening to me complain about my ### and if it was her it would have been fixed years ago. She called me an idiot. She had a point.

We got to the Animal Kingdom hotel, checked in and of course my kids immediately wanted to go to the pool. So we got changed, headed down and jumped in. It was sweet relief for my ###. I swam around for an hour, playing with the little ones, having a great time. My frown was totally turned upside down – I was a new man. My little girl, four at the time, asked if we could get a drink so I hopped out of the pool and wrapped a white towel around my waist. I walked over to the chairs where we left some stuff and grabbed some money, then walked around the pool to the snack bar. The place was packed, and there was a line so we stood there for a few minutes and waited. I finally got to the front and ordered a beer for myself, sodas for the kids, and started the walk back around the pool to where our chairs were. I got a step or two ahead of my kids when my girl chimed in:

Girl: “Daddy, why is your towel all red?”

Me: “Huh?”

Girl: “The back of your towel is all red.”

Me: “Oh dear God…” – reach back, rub the towel with my hand, look at hand – yup, soaked with effing blood. “Come on guys! Follow me!! Hurry!!”

Girl: “Where?”

Me: “To our room – let’s go!!”

Boy: “We want to swim!” stops in his tracks

Girl: “Is your butt bleeding again?”

Me: “Yes!” turn around, run back and grab crying boy, tuck under arm like a football, and start running inside hotel towards elevators.

Girl: “Gross!!!” - running behind me

By the time we made it back to the room the entire back of the towel was soaked with blood. My wife made me call then and there for an appointment and I got it fixed the week after we got back.

It was a spectacle. I’m sure I was known as “the bloody ### guy” for the rest of our stay there. My wife says she was at the game room with the kids later and she overheard chatter that the pool had been closed for a while that afternoon. Unconfirmed that it was due to my ### blood but I wouldn’t be shocked.

 

[strykerpks]

I love Fridays

 

[regularguy]

chet needs to hire you as his storyteller cause anybody who can make these experiences sound so funny could do wonders for his ####ty restaurant tales.

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

Girl: “Is your butt bleeding again?”

 

[Clifton]

I made a decision. I'm going to beat this thing on my own. I've been eating the Chantix for the last 4 days of so and that stuff gives me the gassers. been up for about 20 minutes now and the pain is non-existent. Heading for the latrine now.

Will report back.

 

[Jaysus]

Girl: “Is your butt bleeding again?”

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I think I’ve told one or two of my roid war stories in here before before, but it’s relevant:After a long day of boozing at a golf tournament a few years ago I was at a bar late night. I went up to the bar and fetched four bottles of beer and was walking back to my buddies when I hit a patch of wet floor, I was wearing tread-less flip flops at the time, and my feet flew up over my head. I came down hard and ended up with deep gashes in each of my hands. A buddy grabbed me, hailed a cab outside, and we were on the way to the Mass General ER. When I got there they saw how loaded I was. They gauzed my wounds, stuck me in a room on a bed and told me to get some rest. I passed out for a couple of hours. The next thing I remember was hearing this conversation in the hallway:Nurse 1: “Busy night in here tonight, let me give you the rundown. In Room One we have a broken collarbone, Room Two is a broken nose and head laceration, possible concussion, Room three alcohol poisoning, Room Four we got a stab wound in the upper thigh, Room Five looks like a suicide attempt and possible rape victim….”Nurse 2: “Boston PD been called? We got counseling coming in?”Nurse 1: “Yeah, they’re on the way. Room Six we need x-rays on the left wrist…” She went on and on. The nurses were changing shifts and giving a run down on the night’s activity. "Lots of crazy #### going on, looks like I won't be a priority", I thought to myself at the time. I rolled over, closed my eyes and nodded off again. Sometime later there was a knock and I turned to see three people walk in, a policeman among them, along with a female doctor and a lady in civilian clothes.Doc: “How are you feeling?”Me: “A little groggy, not too bad though.”Doc: “Can you tell us what happened?”Me: “Yeah. I had a few cocktails, slipped on the floor at the bar and cut my hands on broken glass.”Lady: “Um..yeah. It’s okay sir, you can tell us what happened. We deal with this type of stuff”Me: “What stuff? I just told you what happened - there’s really nothing else to say.”Cop: “Who did this to you?”Me: “Nobody. WTF?”Lady: “Why is your rectum bleeding?”Me: reaches around to feel seat of khaki shorts, very moist, checks hand and it is crimson red. “Oh ####” Cop: “Why did you cut yourself? Who raped you?”Me: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…you guys have it wrong here. My ### had been killing me all day while golfing, I’ve got awful roids, sometimes they explode like this, I wasn’t raped, what the hell….”Lady: “This is all very hard to believe. We'd like to do a rape kit.”Me: “I swear…Christ…Doc….please look at my ###…should be pretty clear....there will be no rape kit!”The other two left and the doctor check my ### and confirmed that roids were the culprit. She talked to the other two out in the hall, then they all came back in. They still weren’t totally sold on my story so I had to do some more convincing, like “why the hell would I slash the base of my thumb and the palm of my hand and not my wrists? I’m not a ####### idiot!” The cop and the therapist gave me their cards, told me to call them if I thought of anything else, and left. I got stitched up, asked for and received some hospital pants to wear out of there in place of my bloody khakis, and took a cab home as the sun was coming up.

Sure Rick.

Girl: “Is your butt bleeding again?”

"bloody ### guy"

 

[Clifton]

This thing is standing right at the doorway to salvation.

 

[Drifter]

This thing is standing right at the doorway to salvation.

Your Hemmorhoid? Some guy must have given you a helluva comment on your ####.

 

[Drifter]

#### (rhymes with farce) is filtered? Seriously?

 

[Itchy Amos]

Rubber bands DO NOT WORK - Don't do that.

If it is off "to the side" and "not interfering" with the daily process - then you can let it go and it will reduce on it's own in about 1 week.

If it is "standing in the way of progress' - then you will just reaggrevate it doing your business and you need to see a rectal surgeon and have it removed. Laser or Knife are your options. BOTH F'IN HURT LIKE MAD!

The rubber bands changed my life. they are funny to joke about but I am serious when I tell you I was debilitated by these things - the fear of an attack always in the back of my mind. I had numerous embarrassing, public episodes. I have not had a single problem since I got the rubber band treatment.

Okay - time for one more, this one was the last straw:I was on vacation in Florida with my family. We stayed in a condo near Clearwater for a few days, then drove up to Disney and stayed there for five. I got up early the morning we were leaving Clearwater and played a round of golf. My ### was killing me, made the round absolutely miserable. I actually quit a few holes early – which I have never done before or since. I went back to the condo, packed the car and we set out for Orlando.

I was a cranky ##### the entire ride, shifting around in my seat uncomfortably, saying very little unless I was snapping at my wife or kids over something not worth snapping about. I told her that if her ### hurt like mine did she’d be in a hospital somewhere crying. She replied that she’s sick of listening to me complain about my ### and if it was her it would have been fixed years ago. She called me an idiot. She had a point.

We got to the Animal Kingdom hotel, checked in and of course my kids immediately wanted to go to the pool. So we got changed, headed down and jumped in. It was sweet relief for my ###. I swam around for an hour, playing with the little ones, having a great time. My frown was totally turned upside down – I was a new man. My little girl, four at the time, asked if we could get a drink so I hopped out of the pool and wrapped a white towel around my waist. I walked over to the chairs where we left some stuff and grabbed some money, then walked around the pool to the snack bar. The place was packed, and there was a line so we stood there for a few minutes and waited. I finally got to the front and ordered a beer for myself, sodas for the kids, and started the walk back around the pool to where our chairs were. I got a step or two ahead of my kids when my girl chimed in:

Girl: “Daddy, why is your towel all red?”

Me: “Huh?”

Girl: “The back of your towel is all red.”

Me: “Oh dear God…” – reach back, rub the towel with my hand, look at hand – yup, soaked with effing blood. “Come on guys! Follow me!! Hurry!!”

Girl: “Where?”

Me: “To our room – let’s go!!”

Boy: “We want to swim!” stops in his tracks

Girl: “Is your butt bleeding again?”

Me: “Yes!” turn around, run back and grab crying boy, tuck under arm like a football, and start running inside hotel towards elevators.

Girl: “Gross!!!” - running behind me

By the time we made it back to the room the entire back of the towel was soaked with blood. My wife made me call then and there for an appointment and I got it fixed the week after we got back.

It was a spectacle. I’m sure I was known as “the bloody ### guy” for the rest of our stay there. My wife says she was at the game room with the kids later and she overheard chatter that the pool had been closed for a while that afternoon. Unconfirmed that it was due to my ### blood but I wouldn’t be shocked.

Honestly, if I were you I would try to pitch your roid stories hollywood writer. There is definately a Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler movie somewhere in there. I would watch a movie about some average joe whose roids flare up at the worst possible times. Throw in a hottie who falls for him in spite of the anal bleeding and you have something for everyone.

 

[E-Z Glider]

I hopped out of the pool and wrapped a white towel around my waist...

Girl: “Is your butt bleeding again?”

My wife says she was at the game room with the kids later and she overheard chatter that the pool had been closed for a while that afternoon.

Good stuff.

 

[coldchill]

Why Me? is

 

[strykerpks]

I made a decision. I'm going to beat this thing on my own. I've been eating the Chantix for the last 4 days of so and that stuff gives me the gassers. been up for about 20 minutes now and the pain is non-existent. Heading for the latrine now.Will report back.

Update?

 

[redman]

#### (rhymes with farce) is filtered? Seriously?

farce seems like a simple solution.

 

[Clifton]

I made a decision. I'm going to beat this thing on my own. I've been eating the Chantix for the last 4 days of so and that stuff gives me the gassers. been up for about 20 minutes now and the pain is non-existent. Heading for the latrine now.

Will report back.

Update?

Nothing to serious to report...no blood or anything. It's all about working things out in God's time. I was instructed to pick up some witch hazel and wipes which I did. Seriously considering canceling my weekend of skiing. I'm not sure I want to sit in a car that long and a hard fall could be disastrous. I imagine a self cauterization on the slopes in the bushes with a cigar torch and a ski pole tip.

 

[redman]

I made a decision. I'm going to beat this thing on my own. I've been eating the Chantix for the last 4 days of so and that stuff gives me the gassers. been up for about 20 minutes now and the pain is non-existent. Heading for the latrine now.

Will report back.

Update?

Nothing to serious to report...no blood or anything. It's all about working things out in God's time. I was instructed to pick up some witch hazel and wipes which I did. Seriously considering canceling my weekend of skiing. I'm not sure I want to sit in a car that long and a hard fall could be disastrous. I imagine a self cauterization on the slopes in the bushes with a cigar torch and a ski pole tip.

I'm imagining mothers trying to shield their young, staring children on the ski slopes right now.

 

[Clifton]

I made a decision. I'm going to beat this thing on my own. I've been eating the Chantix for the last 4 days of so and that stuff gives me the gassers. been up for about 20 minutes now and the pain is non-existent. Heading for the latrine now.

Will report back.

Update?

Nothing to serious to report...no blood or anything. It's all about working things out in God's time. I was instructed to pick up some witch hazel and wipes which I did. Seriously considering canceling my weekend of skiing. I'm not sure I want to sit in a car that long and a hard fall could be disastrous. I imagine a self cauterization on the slopes in the bushes with a cigar torch and a ski pole tip.

I'm imagining mothers trying to shield their young, staring children on the ski slopes right now.

For some reason this came to mind

 

[Mr. Chumley]

Rubber bands DO NOT WORK - Don't do that.

If it is off "to the side" and "not interfering" with the daily process - then you can let it go and it will reduce on it's own in about 1 week.

If it is "standing in the way of progress' - then you will just reaggrevate it doing your business and you need to see a rectal surgeon and have it removed. Laser or Knife are your options. BOTH F'IN HURT LIKE MAD!

The rubber bands changed my life. they are funny to joke about but I am serious when I tell you I was debilitated by these things - the fear of an attack always in the back of my mind. I had numerous embarrassing, public episodes. I have not had a single problem since I got the rubber band treatment.

Okay - time for one more, this one was the last straw:I was on vacation in Florida with my family. We stayed in a condo near Clearwater for a few days, then drove up to Disney and stayed there for five. I got up early the morning we were leaving Clearwater and played a round of golf. My ### was killing me, made the round absolutely miserable. I actually quit a few holes early – which I have never done before or since. I went back to the condo, packed the car and we set out for Orlando.

I was a cranky ##### the entire ride, shifting around in my seat uncomfortably, saying very little unless I was snapping at my wife or kids over something not worth snapping about. I told her that if her ### hurt like mine did she’d be in a hospital somewhere crying. She replied that she’s sick of listening to me complain about my ### and if it was her it would have been fixed years ago. She called me an idiot. She had a point.

We got to the Animal Kingdom hotel, checked in and of course my kids immediately wanted to go to the pool. So we got changed, headed down and jumped in. It was sweet relief for my ###. I swam around for an hour, playing with the little ones, having a great time. My frown was totally turned upside down – I was a new man. My little girl, four at the time, asked if we could get a drink so I hopped out of the pool and wrapped a white towel around my waist. I walked over to the chairs where we left some stuff and grabbed some money, then walked around the pool to the snack bar. The place was packed, and there was a line so we stood there for a few minutes and waited. I finally got to the front and ordered a beer for myself, sodas for the kids, and started the walk back around the pool to where our chairs were. I got a step or two ahead of my kids when my girl chimed in:

Girl: “Daddy, why is your towel all red?”

Me: “Huh?”

Girl: “The back of your towel is all red.”

Me: “Oh dear God…” – reach back, rub the towel with my hand, look at hand – yup, soaked with effing blood. “Come on guys! Follow me!! Hurry!!”

Girl: “Where?”

Me: “To our room – let’s go!!”

Boy: “We want to swim!” stops in his tracks

Girl: “Is your butt bleeding again?”

Me: “Yes!” turn around, run back and grab crying boy, tuck under arm like a football, and start running inside hotel towards elevators.

Girl: “Gross!!!” - running behind me

By the time we made it back to the room the entire back of the towel was soaked with blood. My wife made me call then and there for an appointment and I got it fixed the week after we got back.

It was a spectacle. I’m sure I was known as “the bloody ### guy” for the rest of our stay there. My wife says she was at the game room with the kids later and she overheard chatter that the pool had been closed for a while that afternoon. Unconfirmed that it was due to my ### blood but I wouldn’t be shocked.

I like you. You make me laugh. Now I know why you picked your user name.

 

[bradyfan]

I think I’ve told one or two of my roid war stories in here before before, but it’s relevant:After a long day of boozing at a golf tournament a few years ago I was at a bar late night. I went up to the bar and fetched four bottles of beer and was walking back to my buddies when I hit a patch of wet floor, I was wearing tread-less flip flops at the time, and my feet flew up over my head. I came down hard and ended up with deep gashes in each of my hands. A buddy grabbed me, hailed a cab outside, and we were on the way to the Mass General ER. When I got there they saw how loaded I was. They gauzed my wounds, stuck me in a room on a bed and told me to get some rest. I passed out for a couple of hours. The next thing I remember was hearing this conversation in the hallway:Nurse 1: “Busy night in here tonight, let me give you the rundown. In Room One we have a broken collarbone, Room Two is a broken nose and head laceration, possible concussion, Room three alcohol poisoning, Room Four we got a stab wound in the upper thigh, Room Five looks like a suicide attempt and possible rape victim….”Nurse 2: “Boston PD been called? We got counseling coming in?”Nurse 1: “Yeah, they’re on the way. Room Six we need x-rays on the left wrist…” She went on and on. The nurses were changing shifts and giving a run down on the night’s activity. "Lots of crazy #### going on, looks like I won't be a priority", I thought to myself at the time. I rolled over, closed my eyes and nodded off again. Sometime later there was a knock and I turned to see three people walk in, a policeman among them, along with a female doctor and a lady in civilian clothes.Doc: “How are you feeling?”Me: “A little groggy, not too bad though.”Doc: “Can you tell us what happened?”Me: “Yeah. I had a few cocktails, slipped on the floor at the bar and cut my hands on broken glass.”Lady: “Um..yeah. It’s okay sir, you can tell us what happened. We deal with this type of stuff”Me: “What stuff? I just told you what happened - there’s really nothing else to say.”Cop: “Who did this to you?”Me: “Nobody. WTF?”Lady: “Why is your rectum bleeding?”Me: reaches around to feel seat of khaki shorts, very moist, checks hand and it is crimson red. “Oh ####” Cop: “Why did you cut yourself? Who raped you?”Me: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…you guys have it wrong here. My ### had been killing me all day while golfing, I’ve got awful roids, sometimes they explode like this, I wasn’t raped, what the hell….”Lady: “This is all very hard to believe. We'd like to do a rape kit.”Me: “I swear…Christ…Doc….please look at my ###…should be pretty clear....there will be no rape kit!”The other two left and the doctor check my ### and confirmed that roids were the culprit. She talked to the other two out in the hall, then they all came back in. They still weren’t totally sold on my story so I had to do some more convincing, like “why the hell would I slash the base of my thumb and the palm of my hand and not my wrists? I’m not a ####### idiot!” The cop and the therapist gave me their cards, told me to call them if I thought of anything else, and left. I got stitched up, asked for and received some hospital pants to wear out of there in place of my bloody khakis, and took a cab home as the sun was coming up.

 

[bradyfan]

Rubber bands DO NOT WORK - Don't do that.

If it is off "to the side" and "not interfering" with the daily process - then you can let it go and it will reduce on it's own in about 1 week.

If it is "standing in the way of progress' - then you will just reaggrevate it doing your business and you need to see a rectal surgeon and have it removed. Laser or Knife are your options. BOTH F'IN HURT LIKE MAD!

The rubber bands changed my life. they are funny to joke about but I am serious when I tell you I was debilitated by these things - the fear of an attack always in the back of my mind. I had numerous embarrassing, public episodes. I have not had a single problem since I got the rubber band treatment.

Okay - time for one more, this one was the last straw:I was on vacation in Florida with my family. We stayed in a condo near Clearwater for a few days, then drove up to Disney and stayed there for five. I got up early the morning we were leaving Clearwater and played a round of golf. My ### was killing me, made the round absolutely miserable. I actually quit a few holes early – which I have never done before or since. I went back to the condo, packed the car and we set out for Orlando.

I was a cranky ##### the entire ride, shifting around in my seat uncomfortably, saying very little unless I was snapping at my wife or kids over something not worth snapping about. I told her that if her ### hurt like mine did she’d be in a hospital somewhere crying. She replied that she’s sick of listening to me complain about my ### and if it was her it would have been fixed years ago. She called me an idiot. She had a point.

We got to the Animal Kingdom hotel, checked in and of course my kids immediately wanted to go to the pool. So we got changed, headed down and jumped in. It was sweet relief for my ###. I swam around for an hour, playing with the little ones, having a great time. My frown was totally turned upside down – I was a new man. My little girl, four at the time, asked if we could get a drink so I hopped out of the pool and wrapped a white towel around my waist. I walked over to the chairs where we left some stuff and grabbed some money, then walked around the pool to the snack bar. The place was packed, and there was a line so we stood there for a few minutes and waited. I finally got to the front and ordered a beer for myself, sodas for the kids, and started the walk back around the pool to where our chairs were. I got a step or two ahead of my kids when my girl chimed in:

Girl: “Daddy, why is your towel all red?”

Me: “Huh?”

Girl: “The back of your towel is all red.”

Me: “Oh dear God…” – reach back, rub the towel with my hand, look at hand – yup, soaked with effing blood. “Come on guys! Follow me!! Hurry!!”

Girl: “Where?”

Me: “To our room – let’s go!!”

Boy: “We want to swim!” stops in his tracks

Girl: “Is your butt bleeding again?”

Me: “Yes!” turn around, run back and grab crying boy, tuck under arm like a football, and start running inside hotel towards elevators.

Girl: “Gross!!!” - running behind me

By the time we made it back to the room the entire back of the towel was soaked with blood. My wife made me call then and there for an appointment and I got it fixed the week after we got back.

It was a spectacle. I’m sure I was known as “the bloody ### guy” for the rest of our stay there. My wife says she was at the game room with the kids later and she overheard chatter that the pool had been closed for a while that afternoon. Unconfirmed that it was due to my ### blood but I wouldn’t be shocked.

 

[Disco Stu]

Lady: “This is all very hard to believe. We'd like to do a rape kit.”Me: “I swear…Christ…Doc….please look at my ###…should be pretty clear....there will be no rape kit!”

This is about where I started pissing myself...

Can't believe I missed this thread the first time around. Laughing so hard I've had to take breaks from reading it to avoid embarrassment.

 

[HoldSteady]

Lady: “This is all very hard to believe. We'd like to do a rape kit.”Me: “I swear…Christ…Doc….please look at my ###…should be pretty clear....there will be no rape kit!”

This is about where I started pissing myself...

Can't believe I missed this thread the first time around. Laughing so hard I've had to take breaks from reading it to avoid embarrassment.

Oh sweet Jesus

 

[tipsy mcstagger]

My grandfather had terrible hemmerroids. One day he was pruning the magnolia tree in front of his house, fell out of the tree, and landed on the clippers which proceeded to cut the hemmerroids right off.

 

[Disco Stu]

I laughed so much at this thread today, that I'm convinced my ### is now jinxed. Expecting hemorrhoids to make their first appearance any minute now...

 

[Otis]

Still at "what's the upside"

 

[cstu]

"I got hemorrhoids bad. My ### is killing me, I need help."

 

[Pat Woodcock]

I laughed so much at this thread today, that I'm convinced my ### is now jinxed. Expecting hemorrhoids to make their first appearance any minute now...

i picked up a monster of one today. gotta lay off sitting on concrete

 

[Jambi]

Clifton - RIP

 

[Ned]

I think I've told one or two of my roid war stories in here before before, but it's relevant:After a long day of boozing at a golf tournament a few years ago I was at a bar late night. I went up to the bar and fetched four bottles of beer and was walking back to my buddies when I hit a patch of wet floor, I was wearing tread-less flip flops at the time, and my feet flew up over my head. I came down hard and ended up with deep gashes in each of my hands. A buddy grabbed me, hailed a cab outside, and we were on the way to the Mass General ER. When I got there they saw how loaded I was. They gauzed my wounds, stuck me in a room on a bed and told me to get some rest. I passed out for a couple of hours. The next thing I remember was hearing this conversation in the hallway:Nurse 1: "Busy night in here tonight, let me give you the rundown. In Room One we have a broken collarbone, Room Two is a broken nose and head laceration, possible concussion, Room three alcohol poisoning, Room Four we got a stab wound in the upper thigh, Room Five looks like a suicide attempt and possible rape victim…."Nurse 2: "Boston PD been called? We got counseling coming in?"Nurse 1: "Yeah, they're on the way. Room Six we need x-rays on the left wrist…" She went on and on. The nurses were changing shifts and giving a run down on the night's activity. "Lots of crazy #### going on, looks like I won't be a priority", I thought to myself at the time. I rolled over, closed my eyes and nodded off again. Sometime later there was a knock and I turned to see three people walk in, a policeman among them, along with a female doctor and a lady in civilian clothes.Doc: "How are you feeling?"Me: "A little groggy, not too bad though."Doc: "Can you tell us what happened?"Me: "Yeah. I had a few cocktails, slipped on the floor at the bar and cut my hands on broken glass."Lady: "Um..yeah. It's okay sir, you can tell us what happened. We deal with this type of stuff"Me: "What stuff? I just told you what happened - there's really nothing else to say."Cop: "Who did this to you?"Me: "Nobody. WTF?"Lady: "Why is your rectum bleeding?"Me: reaches around to feel seat of khaki shorts, very moist, checks hand and it is crimson red. "Oh ####" Cop: "Why did you cut yourself? Who raped you?"Me: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…you guys have it wrong here. My ### had been killing me all day while golfing, I've got awful roids, sometimes they explode like this, I wasn't raped, what the hell…."Lady: "This is all very hard to believe. We'd like to do a rape kit."Me: "I swear…Christ…Doc….please look at my ###…should be pretty clear....there will be no rape kit!"The other two left and the doctor check my ### and confirmed that roids were the culprit. She talked to the other two out in the hall, then they all came back in. They still weren't totally sold on my story so I had to do some more convincing, like "why the hell would I slash the base of my thumb and the palm of my hand and not my wrists? I'm not a ####### idiot!" The cop and the therapist gave me their cards, told me to call them if I thought of anything else, and left. I got stitched up, asked for and received some hospital pants to wear out of there in place of my bloody khakis, and took a cab home as the sun was coming up.

OMG

 

[mr. furley]

I think I’ve told one or two of my roid war stories in here before before, but it’s relevant:After a long day of boozing at a golf tournament a few years ago I was at a bar late night. I went up to the bar and fetched four bottles of beer and was walking back to my buddies when I hit a patch of wet floor, I was wearing tread-less flip flops at the time, and my feet flew up over my head. I came down hard and ended up with deep gashes in each of my hands. A buddy grabbed me, hailed a cab outside, and we were on the way to the Mass General ER. When I got there they saw how loaded I was. They gauzed my wounds, stuck me in a room on a bed and told me to get some rest. I passed out for a couple of hours. The next thing I remember was hearing this conversation in the hallway:Nurse 1: “Busy night in here tonight, let me give you the rundown. In Room One we have a broken collarbone, Room Two is a broken nose and head laceration, possible concussion, Room three alcohol poisoning, Room Four we got a stab wound in the upper thigh, Room Five looks like a suicide attempt and possible rape victim….”Nurse 2: “Boston PD been called? We got counseling coming in?”Nurse 1: “Yeah, they’re on the way. Room Six we need x-rays on the left wrist…” She went on and on. The nurses were changing shifts and giving a run down on the night’s activity. "Lots of crazy #### going on, looks like I won't be a priority", I thought to myself at the time. I rolled over, closed my eyes and nodded off again. Sometime later there was a knock and I turned to see three people walk in, a policeman among them, along with a female doctor and a lady in civilian clothes.Doc: “How are you feeling?”Me: “A little groggy, not too bad though.”Doc: “Can you tell us what happened?”Me: “Yeah. I had a few cocktails, slipped on the floor at the bar and cut my hands on broken glass.”Lady: “Um..yeah. It’s okay sir, you can tell us what happened. We deal with this type of stuff”Me: “What stuff? I just told you what happened - there’s really nothing else to say.”Cop: “Who did this to you?”Me: “Nobody. WTF?”Lady: “Why is your rectum bleeding?”Me: reaches around to feel seat of khaki shorts, very moist, checks hand and it is crimson red. “Oh ####” Cop: “Why did you cut yourself? Who raped you?”Me: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…you guys have it wrong here. My ### had been killing me all day while golfing, I’ve got awful roids, sometimes they explode like this, I wasn’t raped, what the hell….”Lady: “This is all very hard to believe. We'd like to do a rape kit.”Me: “I swear…Christ…Doc….please look at my ###…should be pretty clear....there will be no rape kit!”The other two left and the doctor check my ### and confirmed that roids were the culprit. She talked to the other two out in the hall, then they all came back in. They still weren’t totally sold on my story so I had to do some more convincing, like “why the hell would I slash the base of my thumb and the palm of my hand and not my wrists? I’m not a ####### idiot!” The cop and the therapist gave me their cards, told me to call them if I thought of anything else, and left. I got stitched up, asked for and received some hospital pants to wear out of there in place of my bloody khakis, and took a cab home as the sun was coming up.

That. Is. Awesome!

sweet jeebus

 

[SacramentoBob]

I think I’ve told one or two of my roid war stories in here before before, but it’s relevant:After a long day of boozing at a golf tournament a few years ago I was at a bar late night. I went up to the bar and fetched four bottles of beer and was walking back to my buddies when I hit a patch of wet floor, I was wearing tread-less flip flops at the time, and my feet flew up over my head. I came down hard and ended up with deep gashes in each of my hands. A buddy grabbed me, hailed a cab outside, and we were on the way to the Mass General ER. When I got there they saw how loaded I was. They gauzed my wounds, stuck me in a room on a bed and told me to get some rest. I passed out for a couple of hours. The next thing I remember was hearing this conversation in the hallway:Nurse 1: “Busy night in here tonight, let me give you the rundown. In Room One we have a broken collarbone, Room Two is a broken nose and head laceration, possible concussion, Room three alcohol poisoning, Room Four we got a stab wound in the upper thigh, Room Five looks like a suicide attempt and possible rape victim….”Nurse 2: “Boston PD been called? We got counseling coming in?”Nurse 1: “Yeah, they’re on the way. Room Six we need x-rays on the left wrist…” She went on and on. The nurses were changing shifts and giving a run down on the night’s activity. "Lots of crazy #### going on, looks like I won't be a priority", I thought to myself at the time. I rolled over, closed my eyes and nodded off again. Sometime later there was a knock and I turned to see three people walk in, a policeman among them, along with a female doctor and a lady in civilian clothes.Doc: “How are you feeling?”Me: “A little groggy, not too bad though.”Doc: “Can you tell us what happened?”Me: “Yeah. I had a few cocktails, slipped on the floor at the bar and cut my hands on broken glass.”Lady: “Um..yeah. It’s okay sir, you can tell us what happened. We deal with this type of stuff”Me: “What stuff? I just told you what happened - there’s really nothing else to say.”Cop: “Who did this to you?”Me: “Nobody. WTF?”Lady: “Why is your rectum bleeding?”Me: reaches around to feel seat of khaki shorts, very moist, checks hand and it is crimson red. “Oh ####” Cop: “Why did you cut yourself? Who raped you?”Me: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…you guys have it wrong here. My ### had been killing me all day while golfing, I’ve got awful roids, sometimes they explode like this, I wasn’t raped, what the hell….”Lady: “This is all very hard to believe. We'd like to do a rape kit.”Me: “I swear…Christ…Doc….please look at my ###…should be pretty clear....there will be no rape kit!”The other two left and the doctor check my ### and confirmed that roids were the culprit. She talked to the other two out in the hall, then they all came back in. They still weren’t totally sold on my story so I had to do some more convincing, like “why the hell would I slash the base of my thumb and the palm of my hand and not my wrists? I’m not a ####### idiot!” The cop and the therapist gave me their cards, told me to call them if I thought of anything else, and left. I got stitched up, asked for and received some hospital pants to wear out of there in place of my bloody khakis, and took a cab home as the sun was coming up.

Did you ever get counseling for this?

 

[RevDawg]

Why Me? is

Why Me? is the perfect username.

 

[Premier]

I had elastic band ligation for my roids two and a half years ago. Mine were internal, and bled copiously after I crapped. Had a few really embarrassing episodes before I finally got them taken care of. The procedure was awful. The doc stuck a probe with a camera up my butt, which also had a claw. The claw grabbed the roid and unleashed a tight-as-hell rubber band around it. Then retracted. Reloaded and repeated on second roid. I left and literally cried the whole way home. The guy said I had two more but he could only do two at a time - come back in four weeks. F-that. Skipped the second appointment and have not had any problems since.

Jesus Christ.

 

[BustedKnuckles]

HESPERIDIN

I had the worst ever...i live by this stuff now...havent had i issue with my tissue in 2 years.

http://www.webmd.com/vitamins-supplements/ingredientmono-1033-HESPERIDIN.aspx?activeIngredientId=1033&activeIngredientName=HESPERIDIN

 

[El Floppo]

Still at "what's the upside"

why me?

 

[flapgreen]

I don't poop for a week at a time sometimes, I've never had any.

 

[E-Z Glider]

<------ my balloon knot right now

 

[OC Zed]

I posted to the Otis hemorrhoid thread earlier today, but decided to add a post to this thread as well in hopes of bringing in more sufferers per the subject title.

I've experienced some noticeable bleeding when using the bowl the last few weeks - much more than the typical "red scrapes." I'm pretty sure it's a 'rhoid as I have a bursting/tearing feeling down there every time I drop a deuce. I'm hoping that this somehow gets better on it's own, but if not...

It sounds like the rubber band treatment is the common treatment here? How much physical pain is in store for me (i) at time of the rubber band "insertion," and (ii) in the aftermath? How are the rubber bands removed? Are they "passed"? Can I take a #### normally with the rubber bands still in there? Am I missing work for any of this?

Is there a scenario where they can't use the rubber bands and surgery is the only option???