Homer J Simpson
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HLN (Formerly Headline News) Releases Literally The Worst Programming Slate In The History Of Television
Once upon a time, Headline News was created as an alternative to CNN for people who didn’t want a bunch of talking heads talking about the news, they just wanted hear the actual news and newspapers hurt their soft brains. And then, people lost interest in what was basically a half-hour newscast with slight modifications repeated over and over, so Headline News changed up its format to be very much like it’s sister station, CNN, only louder and even more abrasive, by hiring people like Nancy Grace, who rolls her eyes for twenty minutes and then turns into a beast and swallows the souls of her guests.
In 2011, Headline News became the Casey Anthony channel, but then the Casey Anthony verdict came down, and Headline News had a hard time finding someone else that Nancy Grace would work up enough rage about, and there’s only so many white, suburban children that go mysteriously missing every year. Now, the channel has been relaunched as HLN. Basically, they’re reaching out to younger viewers and tailoring the network toward the “social media generation,” i.e., the millennials. Apparently, the people in charge of HLN do not think much of the intelligence of millennials, because this is the slate of programming they are rolling out (and honest to God, I thought it was a joke at first):
Once upon a time, Headline News was created as an alternative to CNN for people who didn’t want a bunch of talking heads talking about the news, they just wanted hear the actual news and newspapers hurt their soft brains. And then, people lost interest in what was basically a half-hour newscast with slight modifications repeated over and over, so Headline News changed up its format to be very much like it’s sister station, CNN, only louder and even more abrasive, by hiring people like Nancy Grace, who rolls her eyes for twenty minutes and then turns into a beast and swallows the souls of her guests.
In 2011, Headline News became the Casey Anthony channel, but then the Casey Anthony verdict came down, and Headline News had a hard time finding someone else that Nancy Grace would work up enough rage about, and there’s only so many white, suburban children that go mysteriously missing every year. Now, the channel has been relaunched as HLN. Basically, they’re reaching out to younger viewers and tailoring the network toward the “social media generation,” i.e., the millennials. Apparently, the people in charge of HLN do not think much of the intelligence of millennials, because this is the slate of programming they are rolling out (and honest to God, I thought it was a joke at first):
What is this, like Jeopardy for memes?
Actually, there’s something that does that already. It’s called tumblr. And you know what? There aren’t 8 minutes of commercials every half hour. And I CANNOT BELIEVE they are actually using that as a show title.
So, basically Behind the Music documentaries, only instead of being about celebrities, they’re about people who post to Craigslist? Uh, OK. Thrilling TV.
Any vacation that begins with a 140 character description cannot be anyone’s definition of a “vacation of a lifetime.”
