How do "nice guys" deal with negative people in business? (1 Viewer)

[Otis]

I'll sound like a pansy here, but what the hell...

I work in a business with lots of cutthroat type A folks. While I'm driven, I'm also probably way too nice a guy and don't like confrontation or negativity. I try to do things to help colleagues and the organization as a whole. Sometimes I end up getting stepped on and let it go, but its just not in my nature to screw people over. I find lately I'm more disillusioned than ever with the people around me, the back stabbing, the fact that people will do anything to mow you down when you're not in the room to get a leg up, especially if they view you as a threat (even if you are a sucker who means well). I find it really spoils my mood and day and eats at me when surrounded by negativity directed my way.

How do other "nice guy" types deal with this? Is the answer just "grow some hard bark, guy" and that's it? I believe I'm really talented at what I do, but I often think maybe I'm just not cut out for the environment and all the extra curriculars that come with it. Just curious if others with a similar disposition and in similarly sharky work environments have ever come up with a solution or approach that works for them. To this point I've just told myself that keeping my head down and always trying to do the right thing by people, and letting karma and fate take care of the rest is the noble approach, but some days I just end up feeling ground down.

Will answer yours.

 

[Leeroy Jenkins]

Always do the right thing. But sometimes you just have to say "what the ####".

 

[McGarnicle]

A while back I was reading a book about psychopaths and it mentioned they do exceptionally well in the corporate world. I've been lucky that I haven't had to deal with that too much, especially now working from home and managing projects mostly autonomously.

The couple times I did have cutthroat types gunning for me I simply used it as motivation and outperformed them.

 

[timschochet]

Listen to "Peace of Mind" by Boston. Take the lyrics to heart.

 

[DocHolliday]

Quit being a nice guy.

 

[Christo]

I started my own business. Presto change-o. No office politics.

 

[jonessed]

Yeah, it sucks. I try to focus on the positive and remain upbeat. I build my relationships that way and hopefully that and my work product can counter people trying to backstab.

You have to try to develop thicker skin. Much easier said than done though.

 

[Otis]

Yeah, it sucks. I try to focus on the positive and remain upbeat. I build my relationships that way and hopefully that and my work product can counter people trying to backstab.

You have to try to develop thicker skin. Much easier said than done though.

Agree. Some people just aren't built that way.

 

[cstu]

I do it by not being a NYC lawyer.

 

[Slapdash]

Keep working well, but you have to be your own advocate. Can't expect others to speak out for you.

 

[Osaurus]

I expose their weaknesses and ridicule them mercilously

 

[cstu]

Whatever happened to you quitting and starting your own practice?

 

[Leeroy Jenkins]

By being a good person you build better and more real relationships. Those relationships matter and can help going forward and moving on and up. The jerks do well, but being nice should not preclude you from doing moving up big it does, find another firm.

 

[James Daulton]

Really can't change your personality. You'll have to outsmart and outwork the douchebags.

 

[NutterButter]

Must blow to work in that type of environment

 

[Judge Smails]

Is "negative" the trait you are really trying to convey here? To me those are the Chicken Little types, the sky is falling, always down and trying to bring others down with them. I avoid those people like the plague.

If you're talking about alpha #####'s, that's a different story. Even if successful, many flame out quickly. Others almost have a prison mentality and just prey on the weak, but will back down if somebody stands up to them. I don't change who I am. If you are good and know your stuff, then you should never have to let anybody walk all over you.

 

[tommyboy]

Heres how. You go off about once a month about something loudly and with a few choice swear words thrown in.

 

[Steve Tasker]

You talking about coworkers or clients?

 

[McGarnicle]

Also helps immensely if you can rise completely above the drama. If you get mired in petty wars with people, you'll never be able to relax and it can consume your life. But in my experience people either have that skill or they don't. Some people are just always about drama.

 

[Sudoku_in_the_Bathtub]

Run your own show.

 

[Widbil83]

Start skipping lunch.

 

[Otis]

You talking about coworkers or clients?

Coworkers mainly. Clients/customers will always be what they are. some demanding, some less so, but all ultimately the ones we need to keep happy. That's business.

 

[Mister Martie]

I think people overestimate how far the office politicians get with their antics. You aren't the only one who notices that these people can't be trusted.

 

[bentley]

If you're talking about alpha #####'s, that's a different story. Even if successful, many flame out quickly. Others almost have a prison mentality and just prey on the weak, but will back down if somebody stands up to them. I don't change who I am. If you are good and know your stuff, then you should never have to let anybody walk all over you.

Also agree with the staying completely above it advice.

 

[Otis]

I think people overestimate how far the office politicians get with their antics. You aren't the only one who notices that these people can't be trusted.

This much is true. It is often pretty clear who the crappiest people are. I suppose I'm also a relatively naive and trusting guy, so I often am the last to figure out who these people are.

 

[Premier]

Got passed over for a promotion yesterday for the office bootlicker with far less credentials who told the deciding official that if he didn't get the promotion he would need a second job because he's getting divorced, etc.

Sometimes work just sucks and you have to be proud of what you have at home. I don't even think about the place when I walk out the door.

 

[Otis]

Got passed over for a promotion yesterday for the office bootlicker with far less credentials who told the deciding official that if he didn't get the promotion he would need a second job because he's getting divorced, etc.

Sometimes work just sucks and you have to be proud of what you have at home. I don't even think about the place when I walk out the door.

Oof. Sucks.

People are so crappy. I don't know why it still surprises me, but it always does.

 

[dozer]

I think people overestimate how far the office politicians get with their antics. You aren't the only one who notices that these people can't be trusted.

This much is true. It is often pretty clear who the crappiest people are. I suppose I'm also a relatively naive and trusting guy, so I often am the last to figure out who these people are.

If you can't spot the fish.....

 

[Premier]

Got passed over for a promotion yesterday for the office bootlicker with far less credentials who told the deciding official that if he didn't get the promotion he would need a second job because he's getting divorced, etc.

Sometimes work just sucks and you have to be proud of what you have at home. I don't even think about the place when I walk out the door.

Oof. Sucks.

People are so crappy. I don't know why it still surprises me, but it always does.

No shtick, the guy included in his package an acceptance letter to a law school from 10 years ago, even though he didn't attend. He just got accepted. Funniest #### I've ever heard of.

 

[Otis]

I think people overestimate how far the office politicians get with their antics. You aren't the only one who notices that these people can't be trusted.

This much is true. It is often pretty clear who the crappiest people are. I suppose I'm also a relatively naive and trusting guy, so I often am the last to figure out who these people are.

If you can't spot the fish.....

But that's just it. I know I'm the fish. "Naive" isn't even the right word, because it sort of suggests it's a result of being young and inexperienced and you'll eventually grow out of it. I've recently come to accept the fact that I am what I am.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Acquire some thicker outer skin.

 

[Otis]

Acquire some thicker outer skin.

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter, good sir.

 

[urbanhack]

I think people overestimate how far the office politicians get with their antics. You aren't the only one who notices that these people can't be trusted.

This much is true. It is often pretty clear who the crappiest people are. I suppose I'm also a relatively naive and trusting guy, so I often am the last to figure out who these people are.

This.

And remember at the end of the day life >>> work. I'm usually in the same boat and frankly I just don't give a ####. I'm going to do my job, be genuine, work with integrity and collect my check.

 

[AAABatteries]

I've learned that it can be helpful to get the #######s and type-A's to like you. Use them to your advantage. I work in a different industry/field so maybe I don't encounter the level of ####### you are talking about though.

 

[Otis]

I've learned that it can be helpful to get the #######s and type-A's to like you. Use them to your advantage. I work in a different industry/field so maybe I don't encounter the level of ####### you are talking about though.

I suspect these people are everywhere.

 

[avoiding injuries]

I'd like to think the people who are in the higher positions got there partially based on their ability to read people (or read through them). Hopefully that is the case at your office.

I'm a nice guy in my professional life, but have the ability to turn it up if I HAVE to. I know I do my best work and come across better when I'm being myself, so I won't try to be something that I'm not. If it costs me, so be it. It's not worth the struggle.

 

[Abraham]

Not to be too stern, but I've lost too much from being nice. Now, I think of my family at home counting on me to be good at what I do and suddenly it's easy to be cutthroat.

 

[NutterButter]

Not to be too stern, but I've lost too much from being nice. Now, I think of my family at home counting on me to be good at what I do and suddenly it's easy to be cutthroat.

I liked you a lot more when you were nicer

 

[Abraham]

Not to be too stern, but I've lost too much from being nice. Now, I think of my family at home counting on me to be good at what I do and suddenly it's easy to be cutthroat.

I liked you a lot more when you were nicer

Yeah. But I was broke then.

 

[Insein]

Passive aggressive or aggressively passive. Decide what's best for you.

 

[NutterButter]

Not to be too stern, but I've lost too much from being nice. Now, I think of my family at home counting on me to be good at what I do and suddenly it's easy to be cutthroat.

I liked you a lot more when you were nicer

Yeah. But I was broke then.

I don't judge people by how much money they have

 

[Abraham]

No, but you judge people who smell bad because they don't have enough money to by deodorant.

 

[NutterButter]

No, but you judge people who smell bad because they don't have enough money to by deodorant.

True

 

[Christo]

No, but you judge people who smell bad because they don't have enough money to by deodorant.

True

Who do you know who doesn't have enough money to buy deodorant?

 

[NutterButter]

No, but you judge people who smell bad because they don't have enough money to by deodorant.

True

Who do you know who doesn't have enough money to buy deodorant?

Abe. Well, the old Abe. Before he turned mean.

 

[Osaurus]

No, but you judge people who smell bad because they don't have enough money to by deodorant.

True

Who do you know who doesn't have enough money to buy deodorant?

That soapless in Seattle or wherever guy...maybe that was a personal choice rather than a financial one

 

[Mario Kart]

Unless you need to speak with them, or work directly with them, don't interact with them. Know who they are and know what they are about but keep your focus and stay true to yourself.

 

[Tau837]

You have to decide your career priorities. I agree life >>> work. I am a work to live guy, not a live to work guy.

But unless I win the lottery, I probably have 20-30 years left to work. Given I have to do it, I plan to excel doing it.

I am a nice guy in the workplace, too. But as others have said, you have to be your own advocate. When someone is trying to devalue your work, stand up to it and call bull####. Try to build good relationships with not only coworkers but more importantly with your boss(es). If you make sure the boss knows how good you are and the alpha males know you won't take their bull####, you shouldn't have any problems.

 

[VA703]

crop dust is the answer

 

[Juxtatarot]

If the culture of your firm allows co-workers to frequently back stab each other, find a new place to work. Higher ups need to quash that sort of stuff.