I need some advice (1 Viewer)

[Chemical X]

serious question, if she's allergic to nuts how does she live in the same house as you?

 

[SIDA!]

Sounds like a great opportunity, and that the organizers have the bases covered. Like other have said, I would let her go with the requirement that she takes better care of her

room and stuff going forward. Don't back down on that.

I think you can buy epi pens OTC in Europe.

He absolutely should back down from it. If she's otherwise a rockstar it's ridiculous that he gets on her for having a messy room. She's a teenager and is going to be doing something wrong, be blessed it's just her care of her possessions.

You don't have kids, right?

I am not sure what part of the "she doesn't take care of the #### you buy her so we're pretty sure she isn't going to really appreciate the $3,200 you drop on a trip" part you don't understand.

It is almost like you are the parent who will pay their kids for good grades.

She is 15 years old, not a little child. Just because a kid gets good grades doesn't mean they can let other #### go. This isn't a negotiation.

Clean your ####### room, quit breaking your cell phones and laptops. ####, sounds like Tim has paid for half the trip or more just because she is careless with the stuff...that somebody else worked to buy her.

Can't wait to check back in six months from now and here all of you guys telling dad to buy her the new car. Heaven forbid his little girl might resent him for not getting everything she wants.

Unreal to me how entitled kids are today and how much parents enable them through their own guilt and other assorted issues.

 

[The Commish]

The best advice I've seen so far involves the daughter contributing to the cost. Whether it's in a small way like extra chores or an actual job, babysitting or whatever. Make her become personally invested in making the trip happen. There are a lot of potential life lessons to be learned -- working hard for the things you want in life, the value of money, starting something and finishing it, etc. Also your wife is probably cheating on you.

Spending money would be the target IMO. Make her earn her spending money.

 

[Johnny Rock]

If this was a trip to Europe where the whole group is together visiting museums, castles, host families, culture, food and friendship, I'd be onboard despite the bit of immaturity.

But a cruise? That doesn't seem like it will be a cultural experience without family along for the trip. Partying on the boat. The group will be divided twenty different ways so less oversight. Skip it.

They get off the ship.

I understand that. But a few days in port with excursions and the rest of the cruise lightly supervised onboard is much different than a flight to Germany, bus tours, Eurail, and doing everything as a group.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

Would you let her attend a summer camp, 10 days, somewhere up in Oregon for mathletes?

 

[msommer]

If this was a trip to Europe where the whole group is together visiting museums, castles, host families, culture, food and friendship, I'd be onboard despite the bit of immaturity.

But a cruise? That doesn't seem like it will be a cultural experience without family along for the trip. Partying on the boat. The group will be divided twenty different ways so less oversight. Skip it.

They get off the ship.

I understand that. But a few days in port with excursions and the rest of the cruise lightly supervised onboard is much different than a flight to Germany, bus tours, Eurail, and doing everything as a group.

This totally depends on the itinerary of the cruise. From Italy to Barcelona is not that far actually.

 

[xulf]

WHAT DID YOU DECIDE?

 

[Johnny Rock]

If this was a trip to Europe where the whole group is together visiting museums, castles, host families, culture, food and friendship, I'd be onboard despite the bit of immaturity.

But a cruise? That doesn't seem like it will be a cultural experience without family along for the trip. Partying on the boat. The group will be divided twenty different ways so less oversight. Skip it.

They get off the ship.

I understand that. But a few days in port with excursions and the rest of the cruise lightly supervised onboard is much different than a flight to Germany, bus tours, Eurail, and doing everything as a group.

This totally depends on the itinerary of the cruise. From Italy to Barcelona is not that far actually.

Someone else asked about the itinerary too. We haven't seen it yet from Tim yet. It could cause me to change my answer.

 

[chauncey]

Both of my daughters went on European trips with the People to People program in the summers before their 9th grade years. These are educational, 3 week trips with 30 teens and 3-4 chaperones on which they visit museums, cultural sites and stay with local host families. They stay in very modest hotels and hostels and eat on the cheap. My eldest went to Germany, Belgium, France, England and Switzerland. My youngest went to England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales. Both of them had wonderful, life-changing experiences. Travelling alone without parents at that age gave them such confidence and a great sense of independence and self-competence that has served them very well.

We asked our daughters to earn and pay for half of the trip's cost, and both did through fundraising, birthday/Christmas money, chores, etc. They had many months ahead of time to do several fundraisers and the P to P program did a great job of developing many fund raising options---my eldest earned her entire amount prior to the trip. The other had to continue with fundraising after returning but eventually did pay off her amount as well.

Like others have said, I think the allergy and refugee issues are not concerns. As for her maturity, she sounds like she's got a great head on her shoulders and I think you'll be amazed how much a trip like this can do for a teenager in this regard. I'd let her go.

And the parts in bold highlight the most important things she can get out of an experience like this. Learning the value of money and discipline, and gaining confidence, independence, awareness, and gratitude are things we all hope our kids develop. This trip gives her a chance to learn those things at an early age with a support group the entire time.

As a bonus, if she goes on this trip she will probably be less likely to want to go on one of those post-college "find yourself" backpacking trips around Europe. They rank right up their with spring break and "girls trips to Mexico" for chicks slutting out.

 

[Nick Vermeil]

Bump?

 

[bigbottom]

i am not a parent......but i live in The notion that take The opportunity now, life is short And fleeting. you may think The opportunity Will present itself again, but your circunstances even tomorrow are unknown.

This. I mean if you honestly think she is too immature to handle a seven-day trip with chaperones, then say no. But if that is not the case, I'm very much in the live life camp. No one is promised tomorrow.

 

[Quez]

2. The situation in Europe right now, with all the refugees. Perhaps this is a silly concern, but it really bothers my wife.

What is your take on this situation? I'll hang up and check back in 5 pages.

 

[chet]

Send her. She's earned it.

Kind of weird that she's never been away from you for more than a couple of nights. My daughter went to France on a school trip in grade 5 and loved it. She's 13 now and a freshman and will be going to China this year or next.

As for the peanut allergy, I don't know what to say other than we agreed to host two grade 2 kids from France a couple of years ago. We found out that one had a severe peanut allergy after they arrived and we weren't prepared in any way. We were pissed at the school for putting us in that position and did our best to protect the boy and we dealt with it. Your daughter is much older and she will deal with it.

 

[timschochet]

Sorry I didn't get back to this. It turns out my daughter's best friend's mom has decided to go along to chaperone her daughter. That was the deciding point for us. We don't know her friend's mom very well (we're going to have dinner with them next month) but my wife and I feel a whole lot better about the whole thing knowing that the mom is going. So with that, we decided to go ahead and do it.

Thanks to everyone here who gave me advice. It's all been very much appreciated.

 

[bigbottom]

By the way, if you didn't end up letting her go, I'd look for opportunities for her to spend some time away from home, like summer camp or scholastic camps. You say she's 15 and has never been away from you all for more than a night or two. I think getting some structured and adequately chaperoned time away from home would be good for her development. My two cents.

 

[bigbottom]

Sorry I didn't get back to this. It turns out my daughter's best friend's mom has decided to go along to chaperone her daughter. That was the deciding point for us. We don't know her friend's mom very well (we're going to have dinner with them next month) but my wife and I feel a whole lot better about the whole thing knowing that the mom is going. So with that, we decided to go ahead and do it.

Thanks to everyone here who gave me advice. It's all been very much appreciated.

Awesome. Glad to hear the news and that you and mom are comfortable with it.

 

[timschochet]

i am not a parent......but i live in The notion that take The opportunity now, life is short And fleeting. you may think The opportunity Will present itself again, but your circunstances even tomorrow are unknown.

This. I mean if you honestly think she is too immature to handle a seven-day trip with chaperones, then say no. But if that is not the case, I'm very much in the live life camp. No one is promised tomorrow.

In truth, this was part of my thinking. A few people here know that I just lost my brother. And of course we all know about your situation, BB. It really makes me think that you're right about that.

 

[krista4]

As a non-parent, I didn't feel it appropriate to give advice, but I love the decision you made.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

I'm not a parent,either, but I have no idea why this was even an issue given that you can afford it. She will be fine and also better off for the time to have an experience without you guys. Go old school, and get her to send a postcard. (They'll have stamps and a post office on the boat.)

 

[El Floppo]

i am not a parent......but i live in The notion that take The opportunity now, life is short And fleeting. you may think The opportunity Will present itself again, but your circunstances even tomorrow are unknown.

This. I mean if you honestly think she is too immature to handle a seven-day trip with chaperones, then say no. But if that is not the case, I'm very much in the live life camp. No one is promised tomorrow.

In truth, this was part of my thinking. A few people here know that I just lost my brother. And of course we all know about your situation, BB. It really makes me think that you're right about that.

Tim- I didn't know your news.... sincere condolences about your brother. (eta- read that wrong)

 

[Clifford]

Sorry I didn't get back to this. It turns out my daughter's best friend's mom has decided to go along to chaperone her daughter. That was the deciding point for us. We don't know her friend's mom very well (we're going to have dinner with them next month) but my wife and I feel a whole lot better about the whole thing knowing that the mom is going. So with that, we decided to go ahead and do it.

Thanks to everyone here who gave me advice. It's all been very much appreciated.

Good move Tim.