post 4th of July Friday bump
"Independence" DayJuly 3rd was like any other day. Well aside from the part that I spent the morning of my day off picking up trash, trimming bushes, and picking up feathers at a local park to fulfill my community service hours for the DUI (4 down, 4 more to go!). Lately, I've been spending my days doing as much activities as I can to keep me busy, so after a quick shower and nap I went to crossfit at 1600 and then played volleyball from 1800-2100 with my GB and a few friends. A nice enjoyable day and since I was scheduled to work the next morning, I was ready to grab some food and call it a night.
However, since all of my friends had the 4th off they wanted to get drunk that night. I called my brother to ask if he wanted to join us and that I could be his DD since I was going to work the next morning. Never one to turn down an opportunity to drink hassle free, my brother accepted. I picked him up, we grabbed some carne asada burritos, and headed off to my GB's apartment. On our way to his place I received a text message:
"Alyssa is here with [insert name of GB'S GF/her roommate]"
My GB had no idea that she was there with his GF until he arrived home. Great. I had already committed my brother to a night of drinking so at the very least I had to drop him off, but what was I supposed to do after? I wasn't planning on drinking, so I just wanted to hang out with my buddies before I went to bed for a little bit. Do I just drop my brother off and never enter the apartment or do I stay and hang out with my friends as we had planned? I was silent for a moment, thinking about what I felt comfortable doing.
"We don't have to go if you want." My brother offered after he looked at my face deep in thought as I drove.
"No. We're going. Everything is cool." I replied. I didn't want to appear like a giant #####, running away from Alyssa and hell I wanted to claim my stake to hanging out with my friends. These were my friends after all, not hers. She was merely tagging along with my GB's GF since she has no where else to go.
We arrived at the complex, parked my car, and then made the walk to the apartment. As I ascended the steps, I could hear the laughter and fun starting inside. We knocked, a friend opened the door, I took of my shoes, and then entered the apartment. I took a quick scan of the living room/kitchen and didn't see Alyssa. Maybe she had left already after she found out that I was still going I thought to myself. After I settled into a chair at the dinner table filled with alcohol, shot glasses, burritos, and salsa where everyone congregated. There was an empty seat next to me and after a quick inventory of the guests...I figured out who it belonged to and just like that I heard the flush of the toilet. A few moments, later the bathroom door opened and Alyssa emerged in yoga pants, a "HI" sweatshirt (Geez...I wonder when you got that), her hair tied back in a pony tail, and her face framed by her librarian style glasses. I have to admit, even dressed down she still looked great.
We exchanged a brief hello and she took her seat next to me. I could tell she was already a bit drunk and I could also see the amusement in my friends' faces and I knew this was no accident. For the first couple of hours, things were fine. We even exchanged some small talk about work and updating each other about our families. It was pleasant and I overall her presence didn't bother me much as everyone was just enjoying themselves.
It was around 2400 (0000), so I decided to take a nap on the sofa to get some rest while my brother continued drinking. After about 15 minutes, I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder. It was Alyssa....
"Can I ask you something? Why do you keep contacting my family?"
"I didn't. Your sister was the one who contacted me."
"Well why are you contacting them?"
"This isn't the time or place to discuss this." I told her. She was a little drunk and the apartment is not a large place. Hell, one of my friend's girlfriends was seated on the right next to me.
"I'm just asking you why are you contacting them?"
"Really, we shouldn't be talking about this now."
I could tell she wouldn't let this go. So I asked her if she wanted to discuss this outside. She said yes, so I grabbed my jacket and car keys. As we walked to my car she continued pestering me about why I had continued to keep contact with her family and I explained that it was her sister that had been initiating contact. This conversation repeated on loop for what seemed like forever, until we reached my car. Once we got inside...her in the passenger seat and me in the driver's seat the discussion continued.
This was the first time I had talked to her sober in god knows how long. This was the first time I had the chance to say everything I wanted to say and ask all the questions that had plagued me since we had broken up 6 months ago. She had just as many questions and things she wanted to unload. We talked in that car for hours. There were times we were yelling at each other and I was ready to smash her head against the dashboard and there were also times filled with tears flowing. We discussed why we broke up, what we were feeling, how our lives were now. Just everything that we had held inside for the past 6 months. Things that oddly, even though we were no longer together, they were things that we felt only comfortable telling each other even though we had the support of our friends.
After, the initial peak of emotion that seemed like it lasted forever. We sat in the car a bit silent. She had been asking for a hug numerous times, a gesture to make things right, but I had denied her advances. I didn't want to hug her. I had let out all these emotions and I was afraid of them. Afraid what feeling them and feel
her would do to me. I wanted to feel indifferent towards her... feeling nothing. Then without my permission, she laid her head on my chest as I was reclined in the seat and draped her arm over my shoulder, her facing looking at me. At that moment... I felt EVERYTHING. Anger. Sadness. Spite. Happiness. Comfort.
AT THAT MOMENT YOU MISSED THE OBVIOUS HEADPUSH! GEEZ! Eventually, I relented and I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her like I had so many times before, but yet it felt different than it had before. She squeezed back and we just hugged and hugged and hugged. We didn't talk much but we just laid there hugging each other.
We probably would have hugged each other all night, but then she received a phone call from my GB's GF. My GB and his sister's BF were getting into a fight. So we detached from each other and walked back to the apartment to help settle the situation down. After that moment we were never alone for the rest of the night. Things eventually cooled down in the apartment and I went home at 0300 and went to sleep.
The next morning I wake up to get ready for work and curious I take a look at the app that blocked her phone number. There were a few texts from between the last text I posted here and to the most recent one which read:
07/04/12 6:01 AM
I miss you.
on actually installing the app or 
you sounds like my 5 y/o daughter.you shoulda hit it.
