DING DONG
Mrs. Irvin: "Micheal check who is at the door."
Micheal: "O.K. Sweetie."
Micheal crosses to front door and opens it to find DopeMaster C.
DopeMaster C: "My *****. Ah jus gots out of rehab n thought Ah cud chills wid you and your #####."
Micheal: "Well I'll speak to my wife."
DopeMaster C: "#### ***** you don't haf ta shout. Iz standing right here. Ah can hear you."
Micheal: "Honey, can DopeMaster C stay for Thanksgiving dinner?"
Mrs. Irvin: "You don't have to shout Micheal, I'm only five rooms away. I can hear you just fine. I guess DopeMaster C can stay, but only if that fool is off the pipe."
Micheal: "Are you clean 'C'? I'm going to have to pat you down."
DopeMaster C: "Hell yeah. Alls Ah'm holding is dis crack pipe, and dat's not for smoking, it's jus a sentimental momento of my days when Ah was rocking up and ho'ing."
Micheal: "Well we don't want that kind of thing around our kids. You know how I feel about drugs."
DopeMaster C: "Man you funny. No problem dawg, Ah dig dat your ##### be listening.. Ah'll just throw it in da trash."
Micheal: "No good "C". Do you have any idea how frequently my kids go through the trash? You would think with my millions they would already have everything they want without looking through the trash for more, but I just can't keep them out of there. Worst yet, if it's not them it's my neighbors or the media because I'm such a big star they can't get enough of me. Sometimes I even think they might plant something there just to get another proud black man in trouble for no good reason"
DopeMaster C: "Well jus stomp on it. It's glass, it will shatter. We'll sweep it up and dats dat."
Micheal: "No good 'C' This mansion does not have a broom, vacuum or shop vac anywhere. I know..., though I have active warrants, and though I have a past drug history, I'll risk my reputation for you by driving this pipe to a supermarket to toss it in a dumpster there."
DopeMaster C: "Good plan dawg. Jus don't forget you gots it in your glovebox. How would it look if you got caught?"
Micheal: "That will never happen."
Meanwhile down stairs in the rec room trying to watch videos and wearing headphones to drown out Micheal's voice are Micheal's kids.
Child 1: "Can you believe Dad thinks we can't hear him. What the hell does he think he's protecting us from? Like we would use the pipe of some aging, crackhead who has been with every whore in the state."
Child 2: "Just crank up the music louder, maybe you can drown him out. Frankly if I have to hear his friend 'C' trot out one more Stuart Scott expression in an attempt to sound 'black' I just might turn to the pipe."
Child 1: "Do you think Dad's connection would give us a family discount?"
Child 2: "Word Dawg."
Both kids fall out laughing.