Issue With Daughter's Teacher (1 Viewer)

[Reegus]

Off topic, but I'm curious, why a French school?

I speak French and we wanted our kids to be multilingual.

Yes but French people are cowards. Maybe you should enter her into a Hispanic school to toughen her up.

 

[Guest]

Is it possible the coach doesnt know about your daughter's anxiety issues? Because that just sounds like something coaches say to anyone. Obviously your daughter has issues and I hope she gets the help she needs. It sounds like you are doing everything you can. Best of luck.

Yea,

I think this is a daughter issue not a coach/teacher issue.

I played sports my whole life and had much worse said to me, even had teachers say much worse to me and others.

I understand times are changing and words have to be chosen very carefully nowadays but these remarks seem petty/minor

May have already been said. Could be a case of a coach familiar working with high school boys, and not middle school girls. Completely different ballgame.

 

[James Daulton]

Off topic, but I'm curious, why a French school?

I speak French and we wanted our kids to be multilingual.

Ah, that makes sense.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

What did you decide to do?

He bought the school and fired the teacher.

I did nothing.

But tonight, another teacher who was filling in for the soccer coach put my daughter over the edge. After she misplayed a ball, he said, "it's because you're blond." Later in the practice, she made a bad header and he said, "great--you just destroyed the two brain cells you had left." After practice, my daughter cut herself with some scissors. Although his remarks weren't the sole reason she hurt herself, she did say that she wouldn't have done it without his remarks.

Oh come on.

Why would I make something like this up? WTF is wrong with you?

Didn't say you were making it up.

 

[chet]

What did you decide to do?

He bought the school and fired the teacher.

I did nothing.

But tonight, another teacher who was filling in for the soccer coach put my daughter over the edge. After she misplayed a ball, he said, "it's because you're blond." Later in the practice, she made a bad header and he said, "great--you just destroyed the two brain cells you had left." After practice, my daughter cut herself with some scissors. Although his remarks weren't the sole reason she hurt herself, she did say that she wouldn't have done it without his remarks.

Oh come on.

Why would I make something like this up? WTF is wrong with you?

Didn't say you were making it up.

You're actually in a position to offer useful advice given your background but instead you've chosen to make snide remarks and side blindly with your fellow teachers. Very helpful!

 

[Bucky86]

Maybe have her learn a more useful language?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

What did you decide to do?

He bought the school and fired the teacher.

I did nothing.

But tonight, another teacher who was filling in for the soccer coach put my daughter over the edge. After she misplayed a ball, he said, "it's because you're blond." Later in the practice, she made a bad header and he said, "great--you just destroyed the two brain cells you had left." After practice, my daughter cut herself with some scissors. Although his remarks weren't the sole reason she hurt herself, she did say that she wouldn't have done it without his remarks.

Oh come on.

Why would I make something like this up? WTF is wrong with you?

Didn't say you were making it up.

You're actually in a position to offer useful advice given your background but instead you've chosen to make snide remarks and side blindly with your fellow teachers. Very helpful!

No I haven't.

 

[El Floppo]

I read "oh come on" as "that really happened? wow."

eta: of course instead of a Christonian back and forth answering questions but not saying what's meant- OPM could just say what he meant.

 

[Das Boot]

In case you really are looking for advice here please stop focusing on the teachers. You could spin your wheels for years trying to save your daughter from all this when in the end she doesn't get the help she needs.

I'm sure you are helping her too but throwing teachers under the bus isn't gonna help.

You're right in that she's getting help. It's a work in progress.

I disagree with the teacher though. Getting him to stop making these remarks will help my daughter and others. Potentially having him apologize will reinforce what I've been telling her about not placing too much weight in what people like him say. That will help her learn to not overreact in future situations like this.

Purely my point of view, but I wouldn't be focusing on having the teacher apologize to your daughter - I do think sitting down to talk to him/her would be helpful for them understanding why their words were hurtful.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Chet,

Serious response:

I understand that venting here can be helpful and cathartic but...

Stop asking us for advice. Hell, stop posting here and concentrate on giving your daughter everything she needs. I'm not even going to waste time telling what you should do (next). Yeah, I have been teaching kids this age for almost 20 years...but I don't know your daughter or your family. It would actually be somewhat irresponsible for me (or anyone else) to suggest what to do.

Good luck, seriously.

 

[popsecret]

Did anyone hear the soccer coach actually say those things(besides her friends)? if the coach did say those things the way he said it means a lot. If he said it jokingly that would be a lot different than if he was serious.

Either way though, clearly your daughter has issues or she wouldn't be cutting herself, and clearly those problems were around before that comment.

Sure you could take all responsibility away from your daughter and blame this coach, as if he is the problem here, but then your daughters problem would remain and she could end up cutting herself or maybe worse later down the road.

Chet I think therapy could help figure out what the problem is. Be aware I am not accusing you of neglect, but when I hear about a girl cutting herself it is about attention most of the time, so I must ask you these questions. Do you travel a lot for work chet? Do you pay enough attention to her? How about the mother? Do her friends ignore her?

 

[popsecret]

Email to principal sent last night:

Tonight XXXXX attended soccer practice and I thought I should make you aware of some very inappropriate comments made by the coach. Unfortunately, I don't know the name of the coach as he was filling in for THE REGULAR COACH and XXXXXX doesn't know his name. She also was adamant that I not talk to the teacher or anyone as she wants this issue to go away. After XXXXXXX made a mistake, he said in French, "that's because you're blond." Later in the practice after XXXXXX mi#### a ball with her head, he said, "great, you just destroyed the two brain cells you had left."As you know, we have been dealing with some anxiety and other emotional issues with XXXXXX and these misogynistic comments don't help in the least. After she received these comments, XXXXXX went into the bathroom and cut herself. Although the coach's comments were not the sole reason XXXXXX hurt herself today, they did push her over the edge. Obviously, when XXXXXX related the story to me, I was shocked and angered that someone who was entrusted with the care of my daughter could make such hurtful remarks.

As I mentioned above, XXXXXX asked us very strongly to not talk to you or anyone at the school about this matter. However, I felt you would want to know. Unfortunately, I am heading to South America tomorrow afternoon so I won't have time to meet with you prior to my departure but my wife will be here. If you'd like clarification or have questions, please feel free to call me or my wife. My cell: 312-555-1212. My wife's cell: 773-555-1212.

Thank you for your help in this matter,

He just responded that he will find out who was coaching and get back to me today.

Jeez....

 

[Frostillicus]

jesus, I would hate to be a teacher.

But they get summers off.

 

[PatsWillWin]

The principal just called me. He said at least one other parent complained about the comments and a second coach also mentioned it when he asked. He thanked me for bringing it to his attention and told me it absolutely goes against the values of the school and the teachers cannot make comments like that. As I surmised, it's a new teacher direct from France.

Do you think he'll stick around after his principle chews him out, or do you think he'll...retreat.

 

[johnnycakes]

The coach or teacher made the remarks in front of the whole team. Any apology should be in front of to the whole team and should include wording to the effect that there were complaints from "numerous parties" regarding his remarks to avoid disclosing who actually complained.

(Am I being irresponsible by suggesting this?).

 

[Johnny Rock]

The coach or teacher made the remarks in front of the whole team. Any apology should be in front of to the whole team and should include wording to the effect that there were complaints from "numerous parties" regarding his remarks to avoid disclosing who actually complained.

(Am I being irresponsible by suggesting this?).

Why not apologize to the whole team because he' sand adult and realized his mistakes? No need to mention the complaints to the kids IMO.

 

[Hooper31]

sarcastically asking a girl with anxiety issues if she's going to cry seems insensitive at best and could be construed as bullying.

Have you already determined this is exactly what happened? I wouldn't be shocked if a middle school girl would misrepresent what exactly was said (if anything).

You get to choose your default position in these situations. Trust the teacher vs. trust the kid. Do teachers screw up? Possibly, but when you walk into this working from the stance that the teacher is in the wrong you're part of the problem. Your kid will immediately pick up on your bias and use it against the teacher. Best of luck.

 

[Hooper31]

What did you decide to do?

He bought the school and fired the teacher.

I did nothing.

But tonight, another teacher who was filling in for the soccer coach put my daughter over the edge. After she misplayed a ball, he said, "it's because you're blond." Later in the practice, she made a bad header and he said, "great--you just destroyed the two brain cells you had left." After practice, my daughter cut herself with some scissors. Although his remarks weren't the sole reason she hurt herself, she did say that she wouldn't have done it without his remarks.

That's awful.

Self image is tough for the average teenage girl. I see the vast majority being very self conscious about who they are and how they look.

Does she have any areas of interest that she really loves or accels at? Anything that just makes her feel good about being her? If not, I hope she finds something soon. Not much you can do except but be positive and try to help her find something she can invest herself into.

 

[Hooper31]

Chet,

Serious response:

I understand that venting here can be helpful and cathartic but...

Stop asking us for advice. Hell, stop posting here and concentrate on giving your daughter everything she needs. I'm not even going to waste time telling what you should do (next). Yeah, I have been teaching kids this age for almost 20 years...but I don't know your daughter or your family. It would actually be somewhat irresponsible for me (or anyone else) to suggest what to do.

Good luck, seriously.

People asking for advice on internet message boards is mostly going to be perceived as seeking reassurance of your opinions and actions. How can anyone here give a valid piece of advice without knowing what really happened?

 

[johnnycakes]

The coach or teacher made the remarks in front of the whole team. Any apology should be in front of to the whole team and should include wording to the effect that there were complaints from "numerous parties" regarding his remarks to avoid disclosing who actually complained.

(Am I being irresponsible by suggesting this?).

Why not apologize to the whole team because he' sand adult and realized his mistakes? No need to mention the complaints to the kids IMO.

That's fine if he realizes his mistakes on his own.

 

[Johnny Rock]

The coach or teacher made the remarks in front of the whole team. Any apology should be in front of to the whole team and should include wording to the effect that there were complaints from "numerous parties" regarding his remarks to avoid disclosing who actually complained.

(Am I being irresponsible by suggesting this?).

Why not apologize to the whole team because he's an adult and realized his mistakes? No need to mention the complaints to the kids IMO.

That's fine if he realizes his mistakes on his own.

If it turns out the new teacher did it, even if he needs to be told to apologize, the team doesn't need to know that.