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Loaning a chick money 9/9/16 - Bye (2 Viewers)

I decided not to push my wife into not going out tonight since she already made plans. I'm going to play this cool; doing the "we need to talk" thing now will just make Amber look like more of an angel.

 
'TxBuckeye said:
'iamsmilin said:
You and your wife seem to understand the rules but Amber doesn't. She's trying to break you guys up.
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I'd have to say, with him throwing out three grand without consulting his wife, and her getting pissed about it, it isn't Amber that doesn't understand the rules. It's him that is clueless. Ron seems to have zero #######g clue what marriage is supposed to be about.
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It's not my idea of what a marriage is and I don't agree with a lot of it, but it's HIS marriage. AR and his wife have figured out what works for them, from seperate bank accounts to an open marriage, so who are we to judge?
 
'iamsmilin said:
It's not my idea of what a marriage is and I don't agree with a lot of it, but it's HIS marriage. AR and his wife have figured out what works for them, from seperate bank accounts to an open marriage, so who are we to judge?
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I'm still confused as to why you believe the bolded. What part of her getting pissed that he gave some skank three grand makes you think "they" have figured out what works? Sounds like he decided what works without bothering to ask her and she disagrees.
 
'TxBuckeye said:
'iamsmilin said:
It's not my idea of what a marriage is and I don't agree with a lot of it, but it's HIS marriage. AR and his wife have figured out what works for them, from seperate bank accounts to an open marriage, so who are we to judge?
Click to expand...
I'm still confused as to why you believe the bolded. What part of her getting pissed that he gave some skank three grand makes you think "they" have figured out what works? Sounds like he decided what works without bothering to ask her and she disagrees.
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She's well aware and she's not "some skank".
 
Sounds to me like you both selfishly take what you want in the marriage and, up until this point, it hasn't gotten in the way because your selfish desires mostly fit the other person's selfish desires...

You've now obviously hit a point where there is a snag in that. Good luck figuring out how to save your marriage and stay just as selfish as you were last month.

 
'larry_boy_44 said:
Sounds to me like you both selfishly take what you want in the marriage and, up until this point, it hasn't gotten in the way because your selfish desires mostly fit the other person's selfish desires...

You've now obviously hit a point where there is a snag in that. Good luck figuring out how to save your marriage and stay just as selfish as you were last month.
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Can you unpack this for me?
 
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'Arizona Ron said:
'larry_boy_44 said:
Sounds to me like you both selfishly take what you want in the marriage and, up until this point, it hasn't gotten in the way because your selfish desires mostly fit the other person's selfish desires...

You've now obviously hit a point where there is a snag in that. Good luck figuring out how to save your marriage and stay just as selfish as you were last month.
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Can you unpack this for me?
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He says you #### other people.
 
'cstu said:
'Arizona Ron said:
'larry_boy_44 said:
Sounds to me like you both selfishly take what you want in the marriage and, up until this point, it hasn't gotten in the way because your selfish desires mostly fit the other person's selfish desires...

You've now obviously hit a point where there is a snag in that. Good luck figuring out how to save your marriage and stay just as selfish as you were last month.
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Can you unpack this for me?
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He says you #### other people.
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And each other.
 
'iamsmilin said:
Well, if it were a guy doing all the things Amber is doing, wouldn't you assume that was his goal? She's completely trying to undermind him already.
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pretty much what I was thinking when I posted earlier. I think Amber thinks she sees opportunity and we know she's newly in the market.
 
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'Arizona Ron said:
'cstu said:
'Arizona Ron said:
'larry_boy_44 said:
Sounds to me like you both selfishly take what you want in the marriage and, up until this point, it hasn't gotten in the way because your selfish desires mostly fit the other person's selfish desires...

You've now obviously hit a point where there is a snag in that. Good luck figuring out how to save your marriage and stay just as selfish as you were last month.
Click to expand...
Can you unpack this for me?
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He says you #### other people.
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And each other.
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Lovingly.
 
'Arizona Ron said:
'larry_boy_44 said:
Sounds to me like you both selfishly take what you want in the marriage and, up until this point, it hasn't gotten in the way because your selfish desires mostly fit the other person's selfish desires...

You've now obviously hit a point where there is a snag in that. Good luck figuring out how to save your marriage and stay just as selfish as you were last month.
Click to expand...
Can you unpack this for me?
Click to expand...
Every aspect of your "agreement" is based upon you guys doing what you want to do, selfishly.You want to have sex with other people? Do it.

You want to blow money? Do it. Just make sure its "your money" and not the "other person's money".

You get to do what you want, she gets to do what she wants, but you're still marginally more committed to eachother than to other people.

But here's the thing. Marriage isn't supposed to work like that and, long term, it can't work like that.

You need to be life-PARTNERS. Everything should be good to both of you. In fact, ideally, everything you do should be focused on making her happier. Everything she does should be focused on making you happier.

If you both are seeking the other person's happiness first, you won't have time (or need) to worry about your own.

Idealistic? Sure. And its not perfect, and it won't always happen. But if that's what you're seeking, you won't give someone "three stacks" and not tell your wife. You also won't have an open marriage and have to worry that your wife's girlfriend is trying to steal her (which she clearly is).

 
'Arizona Ron said:
'larry_boy_44 said:
Marriage isn't supposed to work like that and, long term, it can't work like that.
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Says who?
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Is it working? Would you rather have dinner with your wife tonight and then :pickle: with her or go party with the chick you loaned money to?Because, right now, your wife would rather be with her girlfriend than you.And you already made plans to see your side piece instead of your wife even though you knew she was made at you when you made the plans.
 
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'Arizona Ron said:
'Steve Tasker said:
You shoulda made up fake names that didn't both begin with "A". I'm having trouble separating Amber and Angie here.
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Life is crazy, I write on this board as my own personal mental therapy. I wish this was fake.It's real folks and it's really screwed up right now. :(
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I'm not implying the story is fake (it's still a good read even if it's fake), it's the 2 A names that are confusing to me. I would've named one, like, Jessica or something.
 
'TxBuckeye said:
'iamsmilin said:
It's not my idea of what a marriage is and I don't agree with a lot of it, but it's HIS marriage. AR and his wife have figured out what works for them, from seperate bank accounts to an open marriage, so who are we to judge?
Click to expand...
I'm still confused as to why you believe the bolded. What part of her getting pissed that he gave some skank three grand makes you think "they" have figured out what works? Sounds like he decided what works without bothering to ask her and she disagrees.
Click to expand...
'IvanKaramazov said:
'iamsmilin said:
It's not my idea of what a marriage is and I don't agree with a lot of it, but it's HIS marriage. AR and his wife have figured out what works for them, from seperate bank accounts to an open marriage, so who are we to judge?
Click to expand...
This thread suggests otherwise.
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I'm going by what he has said. :shrug: They have been married for a while, have seperate bank accounts for a while, and have had an open marriage for a while. I think the sticking point is he didn't tell his wife about the money he loaned Angie. If she found out from him before Amber, this may not have been an issue.

 
'larry_boy_44 said:
'Arizona Ron said:
'larry_boy_44 said:
Marriage isn't supposed to work like that and, long term, it can't work like that.
Click to expand...
Says who?
Click to expand...
Is it working? Would you rather have dinner with your wife tonight and then :pickle: with her or go party with the chick you loaned money to?Because, right now, your wife would rather be with her girlfriend than you.

And you already made plans to see your side piece instead of your wife even though you knew she was made at you when you made the plans.
Click to expand...
All married people (by your standards) would rather be with their spouse than anyone else at all times?
 
'Arizona Ron said:
'larry_boy_44 said:
'Arizona Ron said:
'larry_boy_44 said:
Marriage isn't supposed to work like that and, long term, it can't work like that.
Click to expand...
Says who?
Click to expand...
Is it working? Would you rather have dinner with your wife tonight and then :pickle: with her or go party with the chick you loaned money to?Because, right now, your wife would rather be with her girlfriend than you.

And you already made plans to see your side piece instead of your wife even though you knew she was made at you when you made the plans.
Click to expand...
All married people (by your standards) would rather be with their spouse than anyone else at all times?
Click to expand...
on a romantic/intimate level? Assuming their marriage is healthy, I would say yes.
 
'larry_boy_44 said:
'Arizona Ron said:
'larry_boy_44 said:
'Arizona Ron said:
'larry_boy_44 said:
Marriage isn't supposed to work like that and, long term, it can't work like that.
Click to expand...
Says who?
Click to expand...
Is it working? Would you rather have dinner with your wife tonight and then :pickle: with her or go party with the chick you loaned money to?Because, right now, your wife would rather be with her girlfriend than you.

And you already made plans to see your side piece instead of your wife even though you knew she was made at you when you made the plans.
Click to expand...
All married people (by your standards) would rather be with their spouse than anyone else at all times?
Click to expand...
on a romantic/intimate level? Assuming their marriage is healthy, I would say yes.
Click to expand...
Oh bull####
 
I'm constantly giving loaning thousands of dollars to hot Asian girls behind my wife's back while she fools around with her lesbian girlfriends. Haven't had a problem once, surprised this turned out so poorly - no clue where things got off track.

 
'rascal said:
'Arizona Ron said:
'rascal said:
You should post the pics of the girls at a more established place.
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I have several including security camera footage from my house. Pretty sure I'm not posting any of it.
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booo!!!
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Here's what usually happens. I post facebook pictures, people call :bs: I post pictures while :football: on a security camera footage, people call :bs: or worse someone recognise them (it's a small world). :2cents: shots aren't easy to come by but not impossible. If I post, they will be Epic and verifiable while protecting the innocent. Pulling out an iPhone is usally the last thing on my mind during :football:

 
'larry_boy_44 said:
Sounds to me like you both selfishly take what you want in the marriage and, up until this point, it hasn't gotten in the way because your selfish desires mostly fit the other person's selfish desires...You've now obviously hit a point where there is a snag in that. Good luck figuring out how to save your marriage and stay just as selfish as you were last month.
Click to expand...
LB - Ease up on the passive-aggressive judgementalness. Really. Judge not.... right?My opinion is this is a pretty simple lesson. Marriage or any relationship is about opennes, trust and honesty. AR and his wife seem open and honest about their sexual escapades, and it's all good. If there were an issue, you'd have a chance to discuss it and move forward.But here, AR decided NOT to include the wife on some important details (and the sum doesn't really matter, so long as we aren't talking 20 bucks here). He loaned money to a chick. Right in this middle of this, escapades do occur, still under that (unknown until now) pretense that 3k is in asian-hotties wallet.Had AR talked about the 3k, my guess is escapades still could have occurred, and there wouldn't be an issue, a rift and now a breach of trust which leads to insecurity, doubting and a whole bunch of other issues.Short story... don't hide #### from your wife (unless you really arent going to get caught at least), especially financial arrangements with other chicks, especially ones in your circle of friends / benefriends.
 
'larry_boy_44 said:
'Arizona Ron said:
'larry_boy_44 said:
Sounds to me like you both selfishly take what you want in the marriage and, up until this point, it hasn't gotten in the way because your selfish desires mostly fit the other person's selfish desires...

You've now obviously hit a point where there is a snag in that. Good luck figuring out how to save your marriage and stay just as selfish as you were last month.
Click to expand...
Can you unpack this for me?
Click to expand...
Every aspect of your "agreement" is based upon you guys doing what you want to do, selfishly.You want to have sex with other people? Do it.

You want to blow money? Do it. Just make sure its "your money" and not the "other person's money".

You get to do what you want, she gets to do what she wants, but you're still marginally more committed to eachother than to other people.

But here's the thing. Marriage isn't supposed to work like that and, long term, it can't work like that.

You need to be life-PARTNERS. Everything should be good to both of you. In fact, ideally, everything you do should be focused on making her happier. Everything she does should be focused on making you happier.

If you both are seeking the other person's happiness first, you won't have time (or need) to worry about your own.

Idealistic? Sure. And its not perfect, and it won't always happen. But if that's what you're seeking, you won't give someone "three stacks" and not tell your wife. You also won't have an open marriage and have to worry that your wife's girlfriend is trying to steal her (which she clearly is).
Click to expand...
LB - again, chill out with the judgements. This isn't your life, this is not YOUR ideal of marriage. It's theirs.And fwiw, you see WAY too out of many loops within this conversation to be in a place to judge the best course of action for AR and his wife, considering their LACK of selfishness in being honest about certain longings and dealing with it as consenting adults.

 
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