TheAristocrat
Footballguy
Further proof that Footballguys.com has yet to institute an IQ minimum.Hope high school treats you well.
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Marital Advice - Friendly camping trip too friendly? (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter Man in the yellow hat
- Start date
Pygmy Marmoset
Footballguy
I've read this thread, and I don't have any real advice about the wife. Maybe you can forgive her, maybe not. Maybe she can forgive herself, maybe not.
What I can tell you is that Steve, in any real sense that counts, is not only not your friend, he's deserving of scorn and to have bad things happen to him. He's deserving of a little thing we like to call vengeance. And I don't take that term lightly - I mean that in just as Biblical a sense as it sounds. Greater love hath no man than he who would lay down his life for a friend. And greater wrath should have no man than he who would betray someone who calls him friend. It's why people who talk behind others' backs but smile to their faces are scum, it's why people who turn on their business partners aren't worthy of social niceties, and it's why men who take advantage of their friends' wives - such as in this case - get karma right up their asses for a long, long time. Usually.
But you may be dealing with one of those guys who that doesn't happen to. Hell, it sounds like you must be. You don't get to your age while being willing to screw over friends like this without being one of those teflon anomalies that doesn't actually get karma back on him after something like this. Maybe he's one of those guys who just happens to get to skate through stuff like this. You know the type - always gets lucky way out of his league, never got prosecuted in college for what was absolutely statutory rape because the chick really loved him, whatever. He just manages to get by.
So you wait. You see if the universe is going to take care of this - and put him in such a position that you just feel sorry for him and can't bring yourself to do anything more to him. Maybe you wait years. But if you find that's not happening - and it may not - you take matters into your own hands. You ruin his life. Maybe it's a matter of showing his wife pictures of all the skanks he's been sleeping with for years, maybe you make a bunch of money and buy his house note and foreclose on it, maybe you find his weakness - every jackass like this has one - and exploit it so he's a mumbling, alcoholic compulsive gambler in a few years without a pot to piss in. You'll be the best judge of what to do here, not me. But you find it. And you do whatever you have to do. And you do it not because you're showing the world that you're better than him. That BS doesn't matter. No one will care in 20 years whether you were better than him, and no one will remember that he had your wife play with his johnson. They will, however, remember that he had the whole world in front of him and then one day it just all went all to hell. It all fell apart, and more people will think "well, that's what happens to #######s. They fall apart." And they'll be right. That's what happens to #######s. You'll be doing the world a service, that's why you do it. Because people like that don't deserve to take deep, satisfied breaths. They deserve shallow, hasty breaths taken between footsteps while they're searching through dumpsters for cans to sell to get a dime bag. Try to help out the universe and karma on this one, eh?
What I can tell you is that Steve, in any real sense that counts, is not only not your friend, he's deserving of scorn and to have bad things happen to him. He's deserving of a little thing we like to call vengeance. And I don't take that term lightly - I mean that in just as Biblical a sense as it sounds. Greater love hath no man than he who would lay down his life for a friend. And greater wrath should have no man than he who would betray someone who calls him friend. It's why people who talk behind others' backs but smile to their faces are scum, it's why people who turn on their business partners aren't worthy of social niceties, and it's why men who take advantage of their friends' wives - such as in this case - get karma right up their asses for a long, long time. Usually.
But you may be dealing with one of those guys who that doesn't happen to. Hell, it sounds like you must be. You don't get to your age while being willing to screw over friends like this without being one of those teflon anomalies that doesn't actually get karma back on him after something like this. Maybe he's one of those guys who just happens to get to skate through stuff like this. You know the type - always gets lucky way out of his league, never got prosecuted in college for what was absolutely statutory rape because the chick really loved him, whatever. He just manages to get by.
So you wait. You see if the universe is going to take care of this - and put him in such a position that you just feel sorry for him and can't bring yourself to do anything more to him. Maybe you wait years. But if you find that's not happening - and it may not - you take matters into your own hands. You ruin his life. Maybe it's a matter of showing his wife pictures of all the skanks he's been sleeping with for years, maybe you make a bunch of money and buy his house note and foreclose on it, maybe you find his weakness - every jackass like this has one - and exploit it so he's a mumbling, alcoholic compulsive gambler in a few years without a pot to piss in. You'll be the best judge of what to do here, not me. But you find it. And you do whatever you have to do. And you do it not because you're showing the world that you're better than him. That BS doesn't matter. No one will care in 20 years whether you were better than him, and no one will remember that he had your wife play with his johnson. They will, however, remember that he had the whole world in front of him and then one day it just all went all to hell. It all fell apart, and more people will think "well, that's what happens to #######s. They fall apart." And they'll be right. That's what happens to #######s. You'll be doing the world a service, that's why you do it. Because people like that don't deserve to take deep, satisfied breaths. They deserve shallow, hasty breaths taken between footsteps while they're searching through dumpsters for cans to sell to get a dime bag. Try to help out the universe and karma on this one, eh?
Just marking my spot for tomorrow
prosopis
Arizona Chupacabra
I still think he needs to confront Steve but life is to short to make a career of it the way you are insinuating.
Pat Patriot
Footballguy
That is what the kid in Dazed and Confused thought at the kegger. He got his ### kicked.
You are setting MITYH up for a severe beating.... 
Ghost Rider
Footballguy
MITYH should pull a Sopranos and never post here again. 
Man in the yellow hat
Footballguy
Here is your weekend update. What next?
In a shocking twist (riiiiggghht) Steve and his wife did not make it to the wedding. It was actually a pretty good time. George was there, and I didn't learn anything new. He was the only guy there that was on the camping trip. But here's where it gets interesting.
I was at my parents' house this afternoon, and Steve returned my call. My cell rang and I saw the ID, but I did not answer considering I was in the middle of a B day lunch (nephew and dad). He left a message saying he'd be around all day and to call him back.
So, we drove the couple hours back home, and I dropped my wife and kids off at her parents while I went to 'unpack the car'. So, first thing I did was call Steve back. His four year old answers. Says her dad's outside, but I can talk to her mom. Sweet. So, Steve's wife gets on and we exchange hello's and chat a bit. Steve is outside mowing the lawn, but she stops him and give him the phone.
Paraphrased below:
Steve: Hey, what's up?
Me: Well, the reason I'm calling is my wife says that your camping trip to the bathroom got a little bit out of control.
Steve: Ah, well. I don't think it was out of control.
Me: Oh, well, she filled me in on her version, so I'd like to hear from you what went down.
Steve: Well, nothing really happened.
Me: What was she doing in the stall with you?
Steve: Oh, she was goofing around. Followed me in and stood behind me, then just kind of jokingly reached over when I was peeing. Nothing happened at all.
Me: Well, that sounds like something. So, what happened after that?
Steve: Nothing.
Me: Did she take her cans out of her shirt or did you?
Steve: I don't remember that happening at all.
Me: Oh really? She was pretty sure she showed you her rack.
Steve: I'm pretty sure I'd remember that. That didn't happen.
Me: Oh. OK. Well, so she held your junk while you peed.
Steve: Well, not really. She kind of got right behind me and pushed me a bit. Then leaned over and took a peak.
Me: As I hear it, she was actually holding your junk, not just looking.
Steve: No, I would remember that. She might've gotten a peak, but that's it.
Me: Right, OK. She seems to remember things a bit differently.
Steve: Dude, I swear. Nothing really went down. I didn't see her rack, and she didn't touch my junk.
Me: Well, she's pretty freaked out and wants to hear what you have to say about it too.
Steve: If anything would've happened, i would remember it.
blah, blah, blah.....
____________________________________________________
So, now what. It's been confirmed that she was in the stall, and that she was standing pretty much directly pushed up against him from behind. He says she reached for his junk jokingly, but never touched it. There was no explanation given for the length of time it took to make it back to camp.
I have not said a word to my wife about this yet. Interestingly, she has not said a word about this in about two days. I have barely talked to her, other than minror chit chat. That's tough during a two hour car ride. She seems like she got over her 'shock' of this pretty quick.
Not sure what to do next.....
In a shocking twist (riiiiggghht) Steve and his wife did not make it to the wedding. It was actually a pretty good time. George was there, and I didn't learn anything new. He was the only guy there that was on the camping trip. But here's where it gets interesting.
I was at my parents' house this afternoon, and Steve returned my call. My cell rang and I saw the ID, but I did not answer considering I was in the middle of a B day lunch (nephew and dad). He left a message saying he'd be around all day and to call him back.
So, we drove the couple hours back home, and I dropped my wife and kids off at her parents while I went to 'unpack the car'. So, first thing I did was call Steve back. His four year old answers. Says her dad's outside, but I can talk to her mom. Sweet. So, Steve's wife gets on and we exchange hello's and chat a bit. Steve is outside mowing the lawn, but she stops him and give him the phone.
Paraphrased below:
Steve: Hey, what's up?
Me: Well, the reason I'm calling is my wife says that your camping trip to the bathroom got a little bit out of control.
Steve: Ah, well. I don't think it was out of control.
Me: Oh, well, she filled me in on her version, so I'd like to hear from you what went down.
Steve: Well, nothing really happened.
Me: What was she doing in the stall with you?
Steve: Oh, she was goofing around. Followed me in and stood behind me, then just kind of jokingly reached over when I was peeing. Nothing happened at all.
Me: Well, that sounds like something. So, what happened after that?
Steve: Nothing.
Me: Did she take her cans out of her shirt or did you?
Steve: I don't remember that happening at all.
Me: Oh really? She was pretty sure she showed you her rack.
Steve: I'm pretty sure I'd remember that. That didn't happen.
Me: Oh. OK. Well, so she held your junk while you peed.
Steve: Well, not really. She kind of got right behind me and pushed me a bit. Then leaned over and took a peak.
Me: As I hear it, she was actually holding your junk, not just looking.
Steve: No, I would remember that. She might've gotten a peak, but that's it.
Me: Right, OK. She seems to remember things a bit differently.
Steve: Dude, I swear. Nothing really went down. I didn't see her rack, and she didn't touch my junk.
Me: Well, she's pretty freaked out and wants to hear what you have to say about it too.
Steve: If anything would've happened, i would remember it.
blah, blah, blah.....
____________________________________________________
So, now what. It's been confirmed that she was in the stall, and that she was standing pretty much directly pushed up against him from behind. He says she reached for his junk jokingly, but never touched it. There was no explanation given for the length of time it took to make it back to camp.
I have not said a word to my wife about this yet. Interestingly, she has not said a word about this in about two days. I have barely talked to her, other than minror chit chat. That's tough during a two hour car ride. She seems like she got over her 'shock' of this pretty quick.
Not sure what to do next.....
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Yankee23Fan
Fair Tax!
I have a dumb question:
I feel like my cousin Vinny...
Are you sure about those 15 minutes? You have said you were drunk. Maybe it wasn't that long? The sticking point seems to be the time factor here. Maybe they were innocently joking with each other for a few minutes and that's it. Add that plus the walk back and everyone being drunk, and maybe it's not 15 minutes.
If it was 10 minutes, can an innocent story fit? 8? 5?
I feel like my cousin Vinny...
Are you sure about those 15 minutes? You have said you were drunk. Maybe it wasn't that long? The sticking point seems to be the time factor here. Maybe they were innocently joking with each other for a few minutes and that's it. Add that plus the walk back and everyone being drunk, and maybe it's not 15 minutes.
If it was 10 minutes, can an innocent story fit? 8? 5?
prosopis
Arizona Chupacabra
I would say it is over now.Steve is not your friend anymore. Spend time with the wife and kids and find better friends.
Ghost Rider
Footballguy
Steve obviously knew you were going to ask him about this, so he had a story all prepared and ready to go. That much is obvious. I would never talk to that guy again.
In the end, you will never really know what happened, so it is all a matter of whether or not you want to believe your wife, and whether you can get past it. Regardless, you two need to talk about this.
In the end, you will never really know what happened, so it is all a matter of whether or not you want to believe your wife, and whether you can get past it. Regardless, you two need to talk about this.
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prosopis
Arizona Chupacabra
I agree there is nothing left to see here. Just take care of your family and leave Steve in the rearview mirror.
Man in the yellow hat
Footballguy
This is a tough call. Again, we were all drinking. All I can say is this. I remember George clearly coming back a while before Steve and my wife. All I can say is, if George and Steve's wife can pee and be back that fast, then what took Steve and my wife longer? Even if they both peed in the same stall, via taking turns, does it realy take that much longer? I'm not sure what to make of this.
Ghost Rider
Footballguy
Also, the fact that your wife is not talking about this seems to indicate guilt on her part. If my significant other accused me or said others had accused me of infidelity, and I was innocent or could not remember what happened, I would be spitting mad and wanting to get to bottom of it, not ignoring it and going on like nothing has happened.
Like I said, though, she is going to play the "I don't remember" card, and Steve has his story all ready to go, so it is up to you to decide what you want to believe.
Like I said, though, she is going to play the "I don't remember" card, and Steve has his story all ready to go, so it is up to you to decide what you want to believe.
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TheAristocrat
Footballguy
Thanks for documenting the reason that if a friend says "Your wife is in a bathroom stall with another guy," you better go check things out.
This is over. You are now lose-lose. Invest time with family, keep an eye on your wife's drinking (hopefully the root cause of this), and begin telling yourself everyday that nothing happened.
Best wishes. Good luck. Whatever you need.
Also: The Irish and the German in me recommend at least a four day bender to help come to grips with this. Without a cell phone.
This is over. You are now lose-lose. Invest time with family, keep an eye on your wife's drinking (hopefully the root cause of this), and begin telling yourself everyday that nothing happened.
Best wishes. Good luck. Whatever you need.
Also: The Irish and the German in me recommend at least a four day bender to help come to grips with this. Without a cell phone.
Michael Fox Fan
Footballguy
I'd basically sign up for counseling immediately, either with the wife or without her. Preferably with her.
Steve sure doesn't seem like your friend. But dude - if you're going to bother speaking with Steve, you have to push this guy a bit. Your questions are basically offering him the opportunity to say "nothing happened". It almost seems like you don't want to know the truth. Christ, he was in a bathroom stall with your wife, possibly with her hands all over his schlong. How can you not be more assertive? Perhaps say something like "Steve, no more bull__it. I know something happened in there. Either man up and tell me, or I'll assume the worst....that you two screwed. Tell me the truth....now!"
At this stage, I'd: 1) cease all contact with Steve, 2) accept that *something* happened, but that you'll never know the truth, 3) go to counseling. Hopefully talking to a professional can help you get past this. If you love your wife, then you need to get past this. It sounds like you two aren't communicating effectively right now - that's not good. It's critical that you keep lines of communication open - and talk to her about how you feel.
Good luck, I wish you the best.
Steve sure doesn't seem like your friend. But dude - if you're going to bother speaking with Steve, you have to push this guy a bit. Your questions are basically offering him the opportunity to say "nothing happened". It almost seems like you don't want to know the truth. Christ, he was in a bathroom stall with your wife, possibly with her hands all over his schlong. How can you not be more assertive? Perhaps say something like "Steve, no more bull__it. I know something happened in there. Either man up and tell me, or I'll assume the worst....that you two screwed. Tell me the truth....now!"
At this stage, I'd: 1) cease all contact with Steve, 2) accept that *something* happened, but that you'll never know the truth, 3) go to counseling. Hopefully talking to a professional can help you get past this. If you love your wife, then you need to get past this. It sounds like you two aren't communicating effectively right now - that's not good. It's critical that you keep lines of communication open - and talk to her about how you feel.
Good luck, I wish you the best.
Johnny Ryall
Footballguy
What's your read on Steve then? Did the answers come smoothly like he was expecting to get questioned and had already prepared them? Or was he taken back a little when you said you'd been told she held his junk and she flashed him?
If you have a read on him then that's probably your answer. If you believe what he's telling you, then you probably chalk it up to your wife being drunk and silly and move on. It sounds like up to this point you've had a good thing going.
If you don't believe him, then.... ??
If you have a read on him then that's probably your answer. If you believe what he's telling you, then you probably chalk it up to your wife being drunk and silly and move on. It sounds like up to this point you've had a good thing going.
If you don't believe him, then.... ??
Man in the yellow hat
Footballguy
The first answer he gave, about her being the stall, didn't really seem rehearsed. But i also believe either his wife or daughter was still within earshot, so he wasn't completing the details for me. Sure seemed like he knew exactly what I was talking about though.As for whether or not I really pushed him. I didn't roll over, and I was assertive. I'm not sure yelling or acting 'tougher' would've gotten me any further.
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bigbottom
Footballguy
Okay, you're pretty much done here. Absent talking to Steve's wife, you're not gonna get any more info than you already have. I suggest you have a heart to heart with your wife, ask her if she still loves you, find out if she's still committed to the marriage, and if you're confident you're both on the same page in that regard, get on with your lives, focus on your family, hang with different friends, and watch the drinking.
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Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Well, they were in a stall... maybe one of them had to poop.
falconeyed
Footballguy
BigB knows things.I would lean on my wife to get a real explanation for her actions ... there was obviously something that may have given her the tendency to do something like this, but any apprehension was suppressed by the alcohol and the opportunity. You don't have to live with Steve and see him every day, so that's easy to control. The other option is to call Steve's wife and let slip the dogs of war. Threatening this might be a good way to get information. Good luck, MITYH.
Grace Under Pressure
Footballguy
It's important to get on the same page with your wife, and move forward. Ask her why she thinks this happened? Not in an accusatory way, but just working with her to figure it out. Let her know how uncomfortable you are feeling about the whole thing, and that you don't want to be left looking foolish. Ultimately, you'll need to pick up and go on with your lives, but perhaps you can learn a bit more about each other and take the relationship forward from this point.
SKribbles
Footballguy
What did Steve do?He was just taken a piss when wifey wanted to check out his junk. Doesn't seem like he did anything.
H Jass
Footballguy
You're about at the end of your rope here, this has gone on much too long. Short of one last Hail Mary plea to George to level completely with you I think you have to decide what you need to do to move forward. Short of tricking your wife to see a hypnotist, it sounds like she's truly in the dark or is going to take anything she knows to her grave. Obviously, what has been said a billion times; never talk to Steve again, never let your wife get that sloppy drunk again. If its any solace, I'm becoming more convinced that I doubt they banged, but certainly something went on you wouldn't have liked.
None of us can tell you what you want to do from here. That is if you want to/are able to move on together. This is solely your call now. Pretend you're never going to learn another single thing about it again, can you move on?? With counseling? With ground rules? With a (written and notarized) semiweekly sex guarantee™ from your wife?? With an Andrei Kirilenko "freebie"-like agreement???
Good luck...I don't envy your spot, but like everything else, it will work out.
ETA: Yeah....what bigbottom said too
None of us can tell you what you want to do from here. That is if you want to/are able to move on together. This is solely your call now. Pretend you're never going to learn another single thing about it again, can you move on?? With counseling? With ground rules? With a (written and notarized) semiweekly sex guarantee™ from your wife?? With an Andrei Kirilenko "freebie"-like agreement???
Good luck...I don't envy your spot, but like everything else, it will work out.
ETA: Yeah....what bigbottom said too
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cosjobs
Footballguy
This sounds like the best thing to do at this point.
drummer
Footballguy
I didn't feel like readin all of it, but I hope someone chastised Man in the yellow hat for not listening to his friends when they TOLD HIM TO CHECK ON HIS WIFE IN THE BATHROOM. Serves him right for all the drama, post camping trip.What's the record # of pages on a fishing trip? I only got to 13 pages for getting fired from my job!
mr. furley
Footballguy
lots of lawyers here to help you commence your divorce proceedings
Johnny Ryall
Footballguy
That's the other thing. While it's easy for strangers to say 'cut Steve (and possibly George) out of your life', we have to remember that these are people they've been friends with for a very long time and trusted. Outside of being told he's a 'player', what do we know about Steve? Maybe he's telling the truth and not really out to destroy MIYH's life.In the end it sounds like some inappropriate, drunken silliness but probably something they can all get past. Good luck in whatever you do from here, MIYH.
LAUNCH
Footballguy
Lie Detector Software
Neither is explaining the "accidental" flopping of the breasts, so maybe a little lie detection is in order. You can at least see if she really doesn't remember anything.
LAUNCH
Neither is explaining the "accidental" flopping of the breasts, so maybe a little lie detection is in order. You can at least see if she really doesn't remember anything.
LAUNCH
Corporation
Angry Bovine
bigbottom said:
Manhat,
I think this is all good news. Have the talk with the wife, and then get on with your life, wife, kids, etc. It sounds like nothing really happened and Steve isnt the bad guy we all made him out to be. I am glad it has worked out like this. I think this is your best case scenario. Good luck bro!
I think this is all good news. Have the talk with the wife, and then get on with your life, wife, kids, etc. It sounds like nothing really happened and Steve isnt the bad guy we all made him out to be. I am glad it has worked out like this. I think this is your best case scenario. Good luck bro!
he just needs to talk to her and find out the underlying reason for her laps of judgement. This certainly is not a marriage ender.
prosopis
Arizona Chupacabra
Yeah no one thought of that. You have a valid point. Thanks for the input.drummer said:I didn't feel like readin all of it, but I hope someone chastised Man in the yellow hat for not listening to his friends when they TOLD HIM TO CHECK ON HIS WIFE IN THE BATHROOM. Serves him right for all the drama, post camping trip.[scooter] said:What's the record # of pages on a fishing trip? I only got to 13 pages for getting fired from my job!
Kip Dynamite
Footballguy
Can I take your wife camping I'll bring the booze.
Just wanted to post in the thread before it dies. With the anti-climatic thud that is the update, I don't imagine this think lasting much past Monday.
It sure is easy for someone to make up a story many DAYS after the original incident. You lost your chance to find out the truth. Decide if you can live with the doubt you have and stay with her, or get rid of her. Either way, I would suggest not taking any more camping trips.
It sure is easy for someone to make up a story many DAYS after the original incident. You lost your chance to find out the truth. Decide if you can live with the doubt you have and stay with her, or get rid of her. Either way, I would suggest not taking any more camping trips.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Oh, we're taking it here now? Okay.Because we all know how GM reacts when his wife is the issueI read that as a guy trying to shed some light on the situation by giving a psychological profile of himself, who he sees as similar to ManHat. Guys like this aren't prone to confrontation and while we all agree this is pretty serious, it's a lot lot harder for ManHat to go Rambo on a guy than it is for say, you or DJColts.I dont know. In the first paragraph he says he avoids confrontations in all but the most serious circumstances. While I agree with this whole heartedly I believe MIYH has found himself in one of those most serious circumstances. I suppose that could be a subjective thing. I personally would put this at the top of my list of most serious circumstances.This guy should post more. Pretty blown away with that one.
I'm concerned with how the wife is going to answer this question based on 1. ) The fact that this happened in teh first place and 2. ) how MITYH describes her demeaner. MITYH, you need to prepare yourself just in case your wife was long gone before any of this happened.bigbottom said:
Ghost Rider
Footballguy
One more thought before I head to dreamland...
MITYH, I think Steve's story eliminates any possibility that he and your wife talked about this since and concocted that story, since I doubt she would like him telling you that she was aggressive in trying to check his package and whatnot out. Steve's story makes your wife look bad. Had they talked, they would have come up with a story that made neither of them look bad at all.
MITYH, I think Steve's story eliminates any possibility that he and your wife talked about this since and concocted that story, since I doubt she would like him telling you that she was aggressive in trying to check his package and whatnot out. Steve's story makes your wife look bad. Had they talked, they would have come up with a story that made neither of them look bad at all.
