Marital Advice - Friendly camping trip too friendly? (1 Viewer)

[[icon]]

So did we figure out fi she's pregnant with STeve's kid yet?

 

[jonessed]

 

[[icon]]

this thread has turned into a post pad fest to 3k

 

[Grainger]

3k

 

[JAA]

Damn you GM

 

[Black Box]

Good thread.

 

[Eagle Eye]

Nothing really new to report here. Though my wife's behavior right now is confusing me a bit. She just doesn't seem interested in this coming back up again at all. She's just kind of going on like none of it matters at this point. That bothers me a bit.In any case, I started looking around for marriage counseling today. But, I felt kind of silly. Would you all recommend this as a next step?

If you've made it clear to her how much this affecting you, thats kinda cold of her.Have you made it clear?

I thought I did. But there's been so much going on with this it's hard to tell I guess.

If you're not sure the answer is no...you haven't made it clear. You wife needs to know how you feel about the situation and the way she responded to it. This time also make it clear that not talking about it is not an option.

How is she supposed to act? "Good morning, MitYH. Just so you know, I'm still really sorry about my alleged actions on the camping trip, and by the way I haven't touched another man's junk yet today." You gotta just move on - if counseling is in the cards, great. But regardless if you choose to stay around you can't hang this over her head on a daily basis. It sounds like the issue is more in your court than hers at this point. And FWIW, if you go to counseling, it isn't going to be about the bathroom incident. That's just a symptom. You have to address the actual problems in the marriage. GL

You must have missed the part where mityh brought it up and she said, "I thought we weren't going to talk about it anymore."Please pay attention I just think he's #####footing around again instead of laying it out there. His wife needs to know that he doesn't think he can trust her anymore because of this incident and that she's got some convincing to do.

 

[[icon]]

 

[General Malaise]

I hate you. this was all i wanted in life and you took it from me.

 

[Early_10]

Are there pics in the last 10 pages?

 

[Black Box]

Stolen!

 

[General Malaise]

if i delete a bunch of my posts, will it go backwards in post count?

 

[Black Box]

Stolen! :(

Jonessed will always have that post in my heart.

 

[General Malaise]

if i delete a bunch of my posts, will it go backwards in post count?

YES IT WILL!1111111111111111111MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAsince I have 789 posts in here, I control the shots. EAT ME!

 

[Black Box]

if i delete a bunch of my posts, will it go backwards in post count?

I think GM is calling your bluff.

 

[ScottNorwood]

peener

 

[JAA]

if i delete a bunch of my posts, will it go backwards in post count?

I think GM is calling your bluff.

 

[JAA]

Here is your weekend update. What next?In a shocking twist (riiiiggghht) Steve and his wife did not make it to the wedding. It was actually a pretty good time. George was there, and I didn't learn anything new. He was the only guy there that was on the camping trip. But here's where it gets interesting.I was at my parents' house this afternoon, and Steve returned my call. My cell rang and I saw the ID, but I did not answer considering I was in the middle of a B day lunch (nephew and dad). He left a message saying he'd be around all day and to call him back. So, we drove the couple hours back home, and I dropped my wife and kids off at her parents while I went to 'unpack the car'. So, first thing I did was call Steve back. His four year old answers. Says her dad's outside, but I can talk to her mom. Sweet. So, Steve's wife gets on and we exchange hello's and chat a bit. Steve is outside mowing the lawn, but she stops him and give him the phone. Paraphrased below:Steve: Hey, what's up?Me: Well, the reason I'm calling is my wife says that your camping trip to the bathroom got a little bit out of control.Steve: Ah, well. I don't think it was out of control.Me: Oh, well, she filled me in on her version, so I'd like to hear from you what went down.Steve: Well, nothing really happened. Me: What was she doing in the stall with you?Steve: Oh, she was goofing around. Followed me in and stood behind me, then just kind of jokingly reached over when I was peeing. Nothing happened at all.Me: Well, that sounds like something. So, what happened after that?Steve: Nothing. Me: Did she take her cans out of her shirt or did you?Steve: I don't remember that happening at all.Me: Oh really? She was pretty sure she showed you her rack.Steve: I'm pretty sure I'd remember that. That didn't happen.Me: Oh. OK. Well, so she held your junk while you peed.Steve: Well, not really. She kind of got right behind me and pushed me a bit. Then leaned over and took a peak.Me: As I hear it, she was actually holding your junk, not just looking.Steve: No, I would remember that. She might've gotten a peak, but that's it.Me: Right, OK. She seems to remember things a bit differently.Steve: Dude, I swear. Nothing really went down. I didn't see her rack, and she didn't touch my junk.Me: Well, she's pretty freaked out and wants to hear what you have to say about it too.Steve: If anything would've happened, i would remember it.blah, blah, blah.....____________________________________________________So, now what. It's been confirmed that she was in the stall, and that she was standing pretty much directly pushed up against him from behind. He says she reached for his junk jokingly, but never touched it. There was no explanation given for the length of time it took to make it back to camp. I have not said a word to my wife about this yet. Interestingly, she has not said a word about this in about two days. I have barely talked to her, other than minror chit chat. That's tough during a two hour car ride. She seems like she got over her 'shock' of this pretty quick.Not sure what to do next.....

late to the party, im not going to read many of the responses but:Your wife doesnt feel the repercussions of her actions. She felt it was ok to get drunk and "cheat" on you because of how she felt about someone else. I have no problem with her having a crush on Steve, but acting on those actions, taking the chance to #### up her marriage is not ok. My guess is she feels you will always forgive her. She is in scared mode right now, but depending on how you handle the situation will depend on whether or not she will consider something like this in the future.Good luck

Did she REALLY even cheat? I mean, this sounds like a silly drunk woman stepping a touch over the line, but if we take the words of Steve at face value, they didn't kiss, they knew others were around, there was no junk grabbing as earlier speculated, there was no can exposure. It sounds like horseplay that wasn't good judgement, but was far far far away from a full blown affair.

GM: If you were in the bathroom stall with a woman for 15 minutes, what would transpire? We arent talking 3 minutes here, or event 7 minutes. I cant begin to imagine what would go on between 2 people in a bathroom stall for 15 minutes. Meaning, 15 minutes is a long time for NOTHING to happen.MITYH: as I mentioned to GM, 15 minutes is a long time. Try watching your watch for 15 minutes. Try reading the paper or drinking a cup of coffee for 15 minutes. Next, when was the last time you made out with your wife for 15 minutes? I have a serious issue with the length of time they were in the bathroom.

Bump for MITYH

 

[bostonfred]

Hi GM

 

[Kilgore Trout]

GM: If you were in the bathroom stall with a woman for 15 minutes, what would transpire? We arent talking 3 minutes here, or event 7 minutes. I cant begin to imagine what would go on between 2 people in a bathroom stall for 15 minutes. Meaning, 15 minutes is a long time for NOTHING to happen.MITYH: as I mentioned to GM, 15 minutes is a long time. Try watching your watch for 15 minutes. Try reading the paper or drinking a cup of coffee for 15 minutes. Next, when was the last time you made out with your wife for 15 minutes? I have a serious issue with the length of time they were in the bathroom.

Bump for MITYH

Your opinion required a bump?

 

[General Malaise]

Post #3000

Poop Lord

Group: Members

Joined: 14-April 03

From: Portland, OR

Member No.: 410

if i delete a bunch of my posts, will it go backwards in post count?

LOCK THIS PIG DOWN!!!!!!1

 

[JAA]

GM: If you were in the bathroom stall with a woman for 15 minutes, what would transpire? We arent talking 3 minutes here, or event 7 minutes. I cant begin to imagine what would go on between 2 people in a bathroom stall for 15 minutes. Meaning, 15 minutes is a long time for NOTHING to happen.MITYH: as I mentioned to GM, 15 minutes is a long time. Try watching your watch for 15 minutes. Try reading the paper or drinking a cup of coffee for 15 minutes. Next, when was the last time you made out with your wife for 15 minutes? I have a serious issue with the length of time they were in the bathroom.

Bump for MITYH

Your opinion required a bump?

Didnt require. Though I didnt want my post to get lost in the 3k padding, which included myself. TIA for the bump though

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Post #3000

Poop Lord

Group: Members

Joined: 14-April 03

From: Portland, OR

Member No.: 410

if i delete a bunch of my posts, will it go backwards in post count?

LOCK THIS PIG DOWN!!!!!!1

At any moment I could decide to delete any one of my 60+ posts I had before 3000.

 

[JAA]

 

[Kilgore Trout]

 

[Tom Cody]

Nothing really new to report here. Though my wife's behavior right now is confusing me a bit. She just doesn't seem interested in this coming back up again at all. She's just kind of going on like none of it matters at this point. That bothers me a bit.In any case, I started looking around for marriage counseling today. But, I felt kind of silly. Would you all recommend this as a next step?

Tell her point blank. "OK, honey we are moving on and these are the new rules. No more camping trip. No more hanging out with your 'college buddies' at all. I know now that I can't trust you so I won't trust you and don't ever ask me about anything I do outside of your sight." If that don't bring her around to talking about it then you get a free trip to the john with a friends wife of your choosing.

 

[RudiStein]

Nothing really new to report here. Though my wife's behavior right now is confusing me a bit. She just doesn't seem interested in this coming back up again at all. She's just kind of going on like none of it matters at this point. That bothers me a bit.In any case, I started looking around for marriage counseling today. But, I felt kind of silly. Would you all recommend this as a next step?

Tell her point blank. "OK, honey we are moving on and these are the new rules. No more camping trip. No more hanging out with your 'college buddies' at all. I know now that I can't trust you so I won't trust you and don't ever ask me about anything I do outside of your sight." If that don't bring her around to talking about it then you get a free trip to the john with a friends wife of your choosing.

...and then punch her in the face.

 

[crnerblitz]

I've read 3013 posts and all I got was was some stinking wackjob suggesting I go to some quack to masturbate my brain. Whata' buildup.

 

[Burning Sensation]

Nothing really new to report here. Though my wife's behavior right now is confusing me a bit. She just doesn't seem interested in this coming back up again at all. She's just kind of going on like none of it matters at this point. That bothers me a bit.In any case, I started looking around for marriage counseling today. But, I felt kind of silly. Would you all recommend this as a next step?

Tell her point blank. "OK, honey we are moving on and these are the new rules. No more camping trip. No more hanging out with your 'college buddies' at all. I know now that I can't trust you so I won't trust you and don't ever ask me about anything I do outside of your sight." If that don't bring her around to talking about it then you get a free trip to the john with a friends wife of your choosing.

Your not seriously suggesting making rules for youe wife, are you? If she doesnt have the guts to admit what she did and appolgize, she has to go.

 

[Sonny Lubick Blowup Doll]

 

[Third]

60 pages in roughly a week....and to think I was impressed with the "What beer are you drinking?" thread all this time.

 

[Chaka]

Post #3000

Poop Lord

Group: Members

Joined: 14-April 03

From: Portland, OR

Member No.: 410

if i delete a bunch of my posts, will it go backwards in post count?

LOCK THIS PIG DOWN!!!!!!1

At any moment I could decide to delete any one of my 60+ posts I had before 3000.

Let's start a movement to move this train wreck back down to ZERO posts.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

peener

This is pretty appropriate for post 3000.

 

[tdoss]

Nothing really new to report here. Though my wife's behavior right now is confusing me a bit. She just doesn't seem interested in this coming back up again at all. She's just kind of going on like none of it matters at this point. That bothers me a bit.In any case, I started looking around for marriage counseling today. But, I felt kind of silly. Would you all recommend this as a next step?

It's not confusing to you. You know this. I'd read Tdoss' post again. He nails it.

He's got most of it, but THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. That would be like the victim of a crime blaming themselves for letting it happen. Yeah, you might need to be more assertive, more active of a participant in your life. But someone else cheating on you is NOT your fault. If she punched you in the face and broke your nose would it be your fault? Hell no! So what if you got up and went to check on them. Then you would've seen her cheating. Then what? You're almost exactly where you are at now. If she was truly innocent of everything, she would not be avoiding the topic, she would be begging you to believe her and not letting it go til you did.ETA: confront her first and say "i will not let this go until we talk about it". Marriage counseling is just a quick way to throw away $100 an hour IMO.

And I argue that if someone continues to act like a freaking welcome mat to everyone around him...over time...that person will be considered a welcome mat by those around him.It's like this...Muhammad Ali was and is considered "The Greatest" by most boxing fans. Why? Did he have more victories than everyone else? No. Did he have fewer losses than everyone else? No. He's considered to be "The Greatest"...rather matter of factly...because THAT'S what he told everyone he was...and then proceeded to back up most of his claims. My point is this...you can walk around your entire life acting like a victim and woe is me...and then wonder why people take advantage of you...or you can take charge of your life and realize that most of the things that happen to you are because of the decisions you make, the people you surround yourself with and your attitude.I still hold firm that a lot of this is his fault.1. He's too damned passive for his own good2. He let drunken wife go alone to a campsite bathroom with known player and other drunk guys.3. George told him twice to check on his wife...he ignored it.4. Ultimately HE married her.Now yes, I agree that she carries a lot of blame here...I just want to make sure he understands that a lot of this was brought on by his behavior...no one is completely innocent.Just look at the situation as it is right now? 1. George clowned him infront of others by telling the story. What did manhat do/say...Did he chastise George for spreading these rumors? Did he demand George tell him the full story?2. Did he confront Steve's wife when he had her on the line?3. Did he interrogate Steve enough?4. Did he demand answers from wife or just begrudgingly accept her "I don't remember" reply?5. Did he call wife out on the fact that she's so blasé about this whole thing...when she just went back to folding laundry? After a few days and she hasn't brought it up or tried to make amends? Even now, after she's still acting like it's no big deal and a non-issue?If the answers are "NO" to any...and in my opinion all...questions above...then dude has to realize that he is making his own bed in life and allowing these people to then take the bed from him...forcing him to sleep on the couch...but only after Steve has mashed his muddy boots into it...all the while screaming, "F YOUR COUCH....F YOUR COUCH!"

 

[tdoss]

I don't think her not wanting to talk about it is because she doesn't care what his feelings are. I think she's ashamed of what happened and bringing it up is probably painful to her. I'm not saying she's right or anything but I am sure that is why she doesn't want to talk about it. Just sayin.

Exactly...both of those scenarios suck bung.She either doesn't give a damn or she's ashamed...either way...come clean and make amends. If her story was true...I'd think she'd be a little bit more apologetic and truly sorry for anything that may have happened. And at the very least, would be more upset that someone took her teets out without her knowledge but that doesn't seem to phase her in the least. Which has to worry even the most open-minded of husbands...I mean...is this really so normal in her life that it slides off her like water off a duck's @zz?

 

[tdoss]

Nothing really new to report here. Though my wife's behavior right now is confusing me a bit. She just doesn't seem interested in this coming back up again at all. She's just kind of going on like none of it matters at this point. That bothers me a bit.In any case, I started looking around for marriage counseling today. But, I felt kind of silly. Would you all recommend this as a next step?

If you've made it clear to her how much this affecting you, thats kinda cold of her.Have you made it clear?

I thought I did. But there's been so much going on with this it's hard to tell I guess.

Look bro...do this...take a few minutes to put down all your feelings...all your questions...all your vitriol/hate/hurt...whatever...into an email.Print it out and read it to yourself alone. Sleep on it. Read it again the next day. Fix anything you feel necessary...strike out stuff you don't think is a big deal anymore and add what you may have forgotten. Just getting it out onto paper will help a lot. It'll at the very least identify how you truly feel because it sounds like you're so damned conflicted and have put yourself on the backburner so much in life that you can't even tell what truly matters to you anymore. Once you've got it all out on paper/email...send it to her and tell her to read it and come talk to you when she's ready.

 

[Mrs. BSR]

I don't think her not wanting to talk about it is because she doesn't care what his feelings are. I think she's ashamed of what happened and bringing it up is probably painful to her. I'm not saying she's right or anything but I am sure that is why she doesn't want to talk about it. Just sayin.

Exactly...both of those scenarios suck bung.She either doesn't give a damn or she's ashamed...either way...come clean and make amends. If her story was true...I'd think she'd be a little bit more apologetic and truly sorry for anything that may have happened. And at the very least, would be more upset that someone took her teets out without her knowledge but that doesn't seem to phase her in the least. Which has to worry even the most open-minded of husbands...I mean...is this really so normal in her life that it slides off her like water off a duck's @zz?

Maybe we are all missing something. Since we aren't privy to the exact words and emotions of the conversation between the two of them, we could be misinterpreting what is going on. Then again, he does seem frustrated that she doesn't want to talk about it so I can only assume she's either avoiding the subject or asking him to let it go.I feel very bad for him. I also don't think there has a been a person here who has read the stuff in the original post that didn't get that sick feeling.

 

[Sonny Lubick Blowup Doll]

Nothing really new to report here. Though my wife's behavior right now is confusing me a bit. She just doesn't seem interested in this coming back up again at all. She's just kind of going on like none of it matters at this point. That bothers me a bit.

In any case, I started looking around for marriage counseling today. But, I felt kind of silly. Would you all recommend this as a next step?

If you've made it clear to her how much this affecting you, thats kinda cold of her.Have you made it clear?

I thought I did. But there's been so much going on with this it's hard to tell I guess.

Look bro...do this...take a few minutes to put down all your feelings...all your questions...all your vitriol/hate/hurt...whatever...into an email.Print it out and read it to yourself alone. Sleep on it. Read it again the next day. Fix anything you feel necessary...strike out stuff you don't think is a big deal anymore and add what you may have forgotten. Just getting it out onto paper will help a lot. It'll at the very least identify how you truly feel because it sounds like you're so damned conflicted and have put yourself on the backburner so much in life that you can't even tell what truly matters to you anymore. Once you've got it all out on paper/email...send it to her and tell her to read it and come talk to you when she's ready.

While the exercise is probably a good one for him, I would NOT send it to her. And while it could be part of one solution, it's certainly not going to be the answer. We don't know him or her and this is much bigger than that.MITYH, get counseling. FFA means well (some), but you need, and your marriage especially, professional help. Period. Don't be embarrassed by it. Think about how silly that sounds. What's more important?

Just go get some help man.

 

[tdoss]

Why not send it to her?

Am I understanding you right here? You're saying he should get counseling...and that's it?

She doesn't address these dangling issues at all? She doesn't go to counseling with him?

I'm sorry...but I'm one for direct approach in life. The truth is the truth...and I've no fear of it. If I've got a problem with my wife...that I can't let go of...then I let my wife know about it.

Otherwise...what?

I could only blame myself for the hurt feelings because I never told her I had a real problem with whatever it was. If I told her and she still did whatever it is...then it's on her. She's making a conscious decision to forego my feelings/ignore my wishes and do whatever it is she wants instead.

This is obviously still bothering the guy...so yes...he's going to need some real therapy to get past this...but I can't see him ever truly getting past this without her involvement in the healing process. And if he doesn't identify to her what exactly is bothering him...then how in the hell can she address the issues?

 

[Sonny Lubick Blowup Doll]

Why not send it to her?

Am I understanding you right here? You're saying he should get counseling...and that's it?

She doesn't address these dangling issues at all? She doesn't go to counseling with him?

I'm sorry...but I'm one for direct approach in life. The truth is the truth...and I've no fear of it. If I've got a problem with my wife...that I can't let go of...then I let my wife know about it.

Otherwise...what?

I could only blame myself for the hurt feelings because I never told her I had a real problem with whatever it was. If I told her and she still did whatever it is...then it's on her. She's making a conscious decision to forego my feelings/ignore my wishes and do whatever it is she wants instead.

This is obviously still bothering the guy...so yes...he's going to need some real therapy to get past this...but I can't see him ever truly getting past this without her involvement in the healing process. And if he doesn't identify to her what exactly is bothering him...then how in the hell can she address the issues?

Whoa, relax. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying what works for you may not work for him. In fact, we can be almost sure it won't, as you can plainly see you have very different personalities. I too know where some of their issues lie but going through that the 1,000th time isn't getting anywhere anymore. Think about all the scenarios that could come from your letter solution. It's out of character for him and she could go a million ways with it. All of which end up in marriage counseling anyway.

All I am saying he needs to get PROFESSIONAL help (that means both of them). It's okay really. It's silly to think a message board can diagnose him/them or whatever. We won't be solving anything for them from a keyboard.

 

[AnonymousBob]

Jeez, can't this thing die? It's like the ReShard Lee thread on steriods. Stop padding posts until MITYH comes back.

 

[tdoss]

Why not send it to her?

Am I understanding you right here? You're saying he should get counseling...and that's it?

She doesn't address these dangling issues at all? She doesn't go to counseling with him?

I'm sorry...but I'm one for direct approach in life. The truth is the truth...and I've no fear of it. If I've got a problem with my wife...that I can't let go of...then I let my wife know about it.

Otherwise...what?

I could only blame myself for the hurt feelings because I never told her I had a real problem with whatever it was. If I told her and she still did whatever it is...then it's on her. She's making a conscious decision to forego my feelings/ignore my wishes and do whatever it is she wants instead.

This is obviously still bothering the guy...so yes...he's going to need some real therapy to get past this...but I can't see him ever truly getting past this without her involvement in the healing process. And if he doesn't identify to her what exactly is bothering him...then how in the hell can she address the issues?

Whoa, relax. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying what works for you may not work for him. In fact, we can be almost sure it won't, as you can plainly see you have very different personalities. I too know where some of their issues lie but going through that the 1,000th time isn't getting anywhere anymore. Think about all the scenarios that could come from your letter solution. It's out of character for him and she could go a million ways with it. All of which end up in marriage counseling anyway.

All I am saying he needs to get PROFESSIONAL help (that means both of them). It's okay really. It's silly to think a message board can diagnose him/them or whatever. We won't be solving anything for them from a keyboard.

And you still didn't answer my question. I can't believe you took the time to bold all that crap but completely skip over the very first line.Why not send it to her?

And what does, "she could go a million ways with it" mean?

Finally...so what...if she reads it and they "all end up in counseling anyway"...least this way it'll identify exactly what is bothering him and they'll know what it is they need to address when they do ultimately end up in that counseling.

The guy needs to be more direct anyway. You say my way won't work for him...because we're different...whatever...I'm saying that if you finally do convince this guy to consider counseling his way...it'll end up something like this:

Manhat: Hey...wanna go to counseling?

HoseBeast: NO! I'm sorry Manhat, but this is a non-issue...and I've got laundry to do before our next camping trip.

Manhat: Oh...uh...well...OK.

[ManHat then runs to fbgs.com]: "Guys...I suggested counseling...she doesn't think it's necessary. I'm really bothered by her attitude."

[Majority of replies]: "Jesus guy...grow a freaking pair and tell her it's counseling or pack your siht!"

[Ten people reply]: "3500!"

[Two people reply]: "Check cell phone records!"

[sonny Lubick replies after bolding every tenth word of various posts]: "Guys...you can't suggest what you would do...you're not him...Manhat...continue doing what you're doing...it's YOUR process...not theirs!"

 

[badmojo1006]

Why not send it to her?

Am I understanding you right here? You're saying he should get counseling...and that's it?

She doesn't address these dangling issues at all? She doesn't go to counseling with him?

I'm sorry...but I'm one for direct approach in life. The truth is the truth...and I've no fear of it. If I've got a problem with my wife...that I can't let go of...then I let my wife know about it.

Otherwise...what?

I could only blame myself for the hurt feelings because I never told her I had a real problem with whatever it was. If I told her and she still did whatever it is...then it's on her. She's making a conscious decision to forego my feelings/ignore my wishes and do whatever it is she wants instead.

This is obviously still bothering the guy...so yes...he's going to need some real therapy to get past this...but I can't see him ever truly getting past this without her involvement in the healing process. And if he doesn't identify to her what exactly is bothering him...then how in the hell can she address the issues?

Whoa, relax. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying what works for you may not work for him. In fact, we can be almost sure it won't, as you can plainly see you have very different personalities. I too know where some of their issues lie but going through that the 1,000th time isn't getting anywhere anymore. Think about all the scenarios that could come from your letter solution. It's out of character for him and she could go a million ways with it. All of which end up in marriage counseling anyway.

All I am saying he needs to get PROFESSIONAL help (that means both of them). It's okay really. It's silly to think a message board can diagnose him/them or whatever. We won't be solving anything for them from a keyboard.

And you still didn't answer my question. I can't believe you took the time to bold all that crap but completely skip over the very first line.Why not send it to her?

And what does, "she could go a million ways with it" mean?

Finally...so what...if she reads it and they "all end up in counseling anyway"...least this way it'll identify exactly what is bothering him and they'll know what it is they need to address when they do ultimately end up in that counseling.

The guy needs to be more direct anyway. You say my way won't work for him...because we're different...whatever...I'm saying that if you finally do convince this guy to consider counseling his way...it'll end up something like this:

Manhat: Hey...wanna go to counseling?

HoseBeast: NO! I'm sorry Manhat, but this is a non-issue...and I've got laundry to do before our next camping trip.

Manhat: Oh...uh...well...OK.

[ManHat then runs to fbgs.com]: "Guys...I suggested counseling...she doesn't think it's necessary. I'm really bothered by her attitude."

[Majority of replies]: "Jesus guy...grow a freaking pair and tell her it's counseling or pack your siht!"

[Ten people reply]: "3500!"

[Two people reply]: "Check cell phone records!"

[sonny Lubick replies after bolding every tenth word of various posts]: "Guys...you can't suggest what you would do...you're not him...Manhat...continue doing what you're doing...it's YOUR process...not theirs!"

Give it a rest...It is about time to lock this thread

 

[Sonny Lubick Blowup Doll]

 

[3C's]

60 pages in roughly a week....and to think I was impressed with the "What beer are you drinking?" thread all this time.

that one has staying power. this one is about done.

 

[Burning Sensation]

Why not send it to her?

Am I understanding you right here? You're saying he should get counseling...and that's it?

She doesn't address these dangling issues at all? She doesn't go to counseling with him?

I'm sorry...but I'm one for direct approach in life. The truth is the truth...and I've no fear of it. If I've got a problem with my wife...that I can't let go of...then I let my wife know about it.

Otherwise...what?

I could only blame myself for the hurt feelings because I never told her I had a real problem with whatever it was. If I told her and she still did whatever it is...then it's on her. She's making a conscious decision to forego my feelings/ignore my wishes and do whatever it is she wants instead.

This is obviously still bothering the guy...so yes...he's going to need some real therapy to get past this...but I can't see him ever truly getting past this without her involvement in the healing process. And if he doesn't identify to her what exactly is bothering him...then how in the hell can she address the issues?

Whoa, relax. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying what works for you may not work for him. In fact, we can be almost sure it won't, as you can plainly see you have very different personalities. I too know where some of their issues lie but going through that the 1,000th time isn't getting anywhere anymore. Think about all the scenarios that could come from your letter solution. It's out of character for him and she could go a million ways with it. All of which end up in marriage counseling anyway.

All I am saying he needs to get PROFESSIONAL help (that means both of them). It's okay really. It's silly to think a message board can diagnose him/them or whatever. We won't be solving anything for them from a keyboard.

And you still didn't answer my question. I can't believe you took the time to bold all that crap but completely skip over the very first line.Why not send it to her?

And what does, "she could go a million ways with it" mean?

Finally...so what...if she reads it and they "all end up in counseling anyway"...least this way it'll identify exactly what is bothering him and they'll know what it is they need to address when they do ultimately end up in that counseling.

The guy needs to be more direct anyway. You say my way won't work for him...because we're different...whatever...I'm saying that if you finally do convince this guy to consider counseling his way...it'll end up something like this:

Manhat: Hey...wanna go to counseling?

HoseBeast: NO! I'm sorry Manhat, but this is a non-issue...and I've got laundry to do before our next camping trip.

Manhat: Oh...uh...well...OK.

[ManHat then runs to fbgs.com]: "Guys...I suggested counseling...she doesn't think it's necessary. I'm really bothered by her attitude."

[Majority of replies]: "Jesus guy...grow a freaking pair and tell her it's counseling or pack your siht!"

[Ten people reply]: "3500!"

[Two people reply]: "Check cell phone records!"

[sonny Lubick replies after bolding every tenth word of various posts]: "Guys...you can't suggest what you would do...you're not him...Manhat...continue doing what you're doing...it's YOUR process...not theirs!"

 

[wildbill]

18 Years for me. Not worth it to me meaning: The agonizing. I know how I am and I am not as forgiving as some and to put 18 years in and and know something like this has happened where does that leave you? 18 years down the drain or what? I have contemplated this many times and cannot see me clearing it out of my head. Can you honestly say you could forgive truly and clear the slate?

Being cheated on would hurt, but I think losing my wife would hurt even more. Marriages weaker than ours have survived infidelity.

I'm willing to endure a lot of hurt if it saves my sons the hurt of growing up in a broken home.

WHOA!Do you think kids are better off growing up in a household where both Mom and Dad are miserable, but stay together for the kids; or two households in which both mom and dad are happy but not together? LAUNCH

How many divorced people do you know who are happy? Most of the ones I know are miserable, especially the ones with kids.

 

[TxBuckeye]

How many divorced people do you know who are happy? Most of the ones I know are miserable, especially the ones with kids.

Quite a few actually. Why?

 

[wildbill]

How many divorced people do you know who are happy? Most of the ones I know are miserable, especially the ones with kids.

Quite a few actually. Why?

Because most of the parents I know who got divorced weren't any happier after ending their marriages. So instead of living in a two parent home where both parents were miserable, their kids split time between two one parent homes where both parents were still miserable.A few weeks ago I was on a trip and I met a couple of guys who both had kids and had both been divorced. They described how painful it was to go through divorce, and how difficult it was to try to create a normal life for their kids. So any of you guys who are going through a rough spot in your marriage, don't think getting a divorce is going to make things any better.

 

[seahawk 17]

I think at this point he should let it go. I agree that she walked a fine line, I'm sure she knows not to do it again. Both stories seem to add up that not a lot happened.

Have the two of them(MITYH and his wife) had any physical contact since the camping trip? That would tell a lot about what happened in the bathroom.