Playing defense
Shawne Merriman, who knows he's being called a cheater and a liar, says he's using the appeal process to try to protect his reputation.
October 27, 2006
Shawne Merriman acknowledged he used to jump to conclusions when news surfaced that a professional athlete was being accused of taking a performance-enhancing substance.
Cheaters, he thought to himself.
Now people are saying the same thing about Merriman, and he doesn't like it. After recently testing positive for steroids, he's being called a cheater and a liar, even as he claims the test results are due to him taking a nutritional supplement that, unbeknownst to him at the time, was tainted by the manufacturing company.
Merriman has been told he has a slimmer chance of winning his appeal than I do of being invited to the Spanos estate for Thanksgiving dinner – which is, not at all. But he's fighting the finding because he wants, if nothing else, to prove he never knowingly took an illegal substance. And that the only thing he's guilty of is ignoring the league's – and the team's – constant reminders that supplements are known to be tainted and players who use nonlicensed brands will get neither sympathy nor breaks if they test positive.
“I want people to see that I didn't knowingly do anything wrong,” Merriman says. “I don't want anybody who has come across me to think that I'm a cheater of the game. I don't believe in that. Even in other sports, I was always upset when things came out like that. I looked at them as cheaters of the game, and I'm being viewed in the same light now.”
The toughest fight for Merriman might still be ahead of him. He knows some people will always look at him as a cheater. But others are reserving judgment until he serves his suspension and returns to the field. They want to see if he still will play at the level that earned him a trip to the Pro Bowl and the league's Rookie Defensive Player of the Year award last season.
“If he isn't as good, people are going to say it's because he's off the juice,” a player from another team said, echoing the sentiment of a half-dozen other players who spoke on the condition their names not be used. “He has to be just as dominant, otherwise the stain of testing positive will never come off.”
Merriman chuckles at the idea of increased pressure.
“That's definitely not one of the things I'm worried about, that I won't do enough,” he said. “I've been playing this way my entire life, so that's definitely not going to be a problem. Honestly, I've dealt with things a lot worse and overcome things a lot worse. That really doesn't bother me. From Day 1, my concern was that I didn't want to be a distraction to the team.”
Merriman, who'll play the next two weeks while awaiting his hearing, is so conscious of not hurting the team further that he acknowledged he might drop his appeal if a ruling isn't announced before the Nov. 12 game at Cincinnati. The reason: If the judgment goes against him, he would have to begin his four-game suspension by Nov. 12 to be eligible to play the last of the Chargers' two games against the division-leading Broncos.
“To be honest, I'm going to do whatever's best for the team,” he said. “At the same time I can't let people think these bad things about me. I've got to show people I've done nothing wrong, knowingly. My teammates have been very supportive, telling me to do what I need to do. But I will always do what's best for the team.”
Merriman's presence is critical to the team achieving its ultimate goal of winning a championship. He led the club in sacks last season and ranks second this year with 5 1/2. He may not be worried about a slippage in future play, but a lot of fans and players on other clubs are curious to see how he'll perform.