My parents are no longer able to take care of themselves thread (1 Viewer)

[jamny]

My mom is 75 and lives in Dallas. She's a cancer survivor and still has her wits about her but she does struggle a little getting around. Doesn't need a cane yet but I'm sure she will. Unfortunately my father's illnesses wiped out their life's savings and she lives off of her SS check. Thankfully my brother lives nearby and we both help out financially a bit (it's hard for her to accept $$) and buy her things when she needs it.

What are the price ranges for assisted living places?

Are all the Medicaid facilities horror shows? Better in Dallas than NYC?

 

[cosjobs]

We are closing ona new house tomorrow.

Will put my parents upstairs.

Trying really hard to find out everything I can about stairlifts and have one installed Thursday.

Any pro tips or advice?

Seems like I should be able to find a cheap used one since most purchasers probably die fairly soon after acquisition, but unsure about safety and stuff on used/install.

dumb, late question- but seems like most people with trouble getting around tend to live on the ground floor to avoid the whole stair thing. is there a reason you're looking to put them upstairs?

also: on the stairlift... my MIL will need one really soon.

I spent full-time looking for a house where they could live down stairs for months. Just could not find anything suitable. Beyond taking care of the folks, we know we need some real separation to maintain our sanity.

Finally, about a month ago we expanded our search to include two story homes, thinking maybe they could stay downstairs and us up.

What we finally found and loved was where we are moving, it has two bedrooms and a living room up. With a chair lift, it seems like as perfect a solution as we can come up with.

 

[cosjobs]

My mom is 75 and lives in Dallas. She's a cancer survivor and still has her wits about her but she does struggle a little getting around. Doesn't need a cane yet but I'm sure she will. Unfortunately my father's illnesses wiped out their life's savings and she lives off of her SS check. Thankfully my brother lives nearby and we both help out financially a bit (it's hard for her to accept $$) and buy her things when she needs it.

What are the price ranges for assisted living places?

Are all the Medicaid facilities horror shows? Better in Dallas than NYC?

Assisted living will cost between 2000 a small town and very basic and minimum of 3000 in a city of any size and up to 7500 for a nicer place

 

[cosjobs]

My mom is 75 and lives in Dallas. She's a cancer survivor and still has her wits about her but she does struggle a little getting around. Doesn't need a cane yet but I'm sure she will. Unfortunately my father's illnesses wiped out their life's savings and she lives off of her SS check. Thankfully my brother lives nearby and we both help out financially a bit (it's hard for her to accept $$) and buy her things when she needs it.

What are the price ranges for assisted living places?

Are all the Medicaid facilities horror shows? Better in Dallas than NYC?

Assisted living will cost between 2000 a small town and very basic and minimum of 3000 in a city of any size and up to 7500 for a nicer place

My hunch is that Dallas would be better (or Irving or Garland or whatever), but I have nothing to base that on.

 

[nirad3]

I will be an absolute wreck when it comes to handling this kind of stuff. My sister will be even worse, probably.

My dad is 77 and is doing ok. Mom is 69 and fine too.

My mom is concerned about my dad but his mom lived into her 90's and he takes after her in many ways. The concern is with memory stuff. Probably nothing to be all too concerned about... but... example. Wife was at my sister's baby shower and so I had the kids (almost 4 and 2). Decided it'd be fun to invite my dad out for lunch we we planned on meeting a spot halfway between their place and ours (10 minute drive at most). Got there at the agreed upon time (12 noon) and didn't see my dad outside or in the restaurant. Didn't look too hard, though, thinking that he would have waited outside or in lobby if he had got there earlier. Turns out he got there just after us, waited until 12:10 or so, "poked his head in and didn't see us", and decided to drive to our house to see if we were still there. We weren't, obviously (I was trying to keep 2 kids entertained), and he came back to the restaurant and finally found us (not like we were hiding in a back booth or anything). This, after I had to call my mom (who was at the baby shower too of course) who in turn got concerned that dad got in an accident or something. He backed into a parked car a couple months ago on their street.... so who knows.

But nope, he just didn't think of calling my mom to get my new cell # (not sure why he didn't have it already, but he rarely uses his phone) because she was at the baby shower. Not sure why he didn't peruse the restaurant a bit more knowing that it was past noon and I was kid-wrangling. Anyways, long ### post just to say that pops is probably gonna be dealing with memory issues (and we'll have to be there for him... and will, of course).

GB all those of you dealing with much more troubling issues.

 

[tri-man 47]

Both a proud-dad plug and some helpful advice: The Alzheimer's Association has a national call center where anyone can call in to discuss issues and seek advice. My daughter recently finished her social work degree in gerontology and started working there.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

Both a proud-dad plug and some helpful advice: The Alzheimer's Association has a national call center where anyone can call in to discuss issues and seek advice. My daughter recently finished her social work degree in gerontology and started working there.

My dad had to go to the hospital on short notice, so we had to find someplace for my mom, who has Alzheimer's, on the day. These people were a godsend.

I just wish Dad would put her in a home and go to assisted living. I know there are places where both services are available. I just hope he figures it out soon.

And it's really fun spending years hoping your mom will just die for real. She's been dead as far as I'm concerned for about six years.

 

[DCThunder]

My mom died relatively young (71) of cancer and my dad remarried almost immeditatly and lived another 13 years. The burden of caring for his Parkinsons fell to his 2nd wife (she was 65 when they got married) but they'd moved to a retirement place with independent living, assisted living and nursing care all in one facility. He died in 2010 at 87.

FWIW, in some ways, Parkinsons is worse than Alzheimers...

 

[McGarnicle]

Glad my parents have good insurance. That urine smell makes me gag. I'd love to help, but they probably wouldn't want to burden me.

 

[Sand]

My wife's parents had long term health insurance so she was able to place them in a great assisted living facility near us. I highly recommend getting one of these policies for your self ASAP. The younger you are the cheap the monthly premium.

yeah, seem like a smart thing to get in general to cover out of pocket for what medicare doesn't cover

There is a lot of disagreement about LTC and whether it is worth it. The percentage that will need it is in the 20% range and with the premiums what they are it may make more sense to simply set that money aside and let it grow. Very complicated issue.

We sat down and had a talk with them over the holidays (he hasn't informed his employer of the parkinson's yet because he doesn't want to get fired ) about getting there things in order.

An employment lawyer would wet himself to handle a case if he got fired for this.

Oh, and I wish I still had parents to worry about this with. Both gone in their 60s. Sucks so bad.

 

[Chemical X]

not to get into details here, but this thread may be most appropriate for asking this unfortunate question;

have you ever tried to remove a heavy urine smell from carpeting? let's assume it human and not animal. is the only thing to rip out carpet and pad?

not thrilled having to ask this.

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

not to get into details here, but this thread may be most appropriate for asking this unfortunate question;

have you ever tried to remove a heavy urine smell from carpeting? let's assume it human and not animal. is the only thing to rip out carpet and pad?

not thrilled having to ask this.

If it's in the pad, you may need to replace it. You can try an enzyme cleaner made especially for this first.