No Kids (1 Viewer)

[Buddy Ball 2K3]

Do you guys find that women want to be mothers more than they want to be married to any particular person?

We met a couple down there that the wife said something along the lines of, "I couldn't wait to get married, I can't wait to be a Mom."

I looked at the husband and cried inside for him.

 

[Northern Voice]

Do you guys find that women want to be mothers more than they want to be married to any particular person?

We met a couple down there that the wife said something along the lines of, "I couldn't wait to get married, I can't wait to be a Mom."

I looked at the husband and cried inside for him.

I have a couple friends who I'm sure only chose their wives as vessels for children. They wanted and love their kids, not sure they even like/liked their wives.

 

[urbanhack]

Do you guys find that women want to be mothers more than they want to be married to any particular person?

I think this happens in a lot of cases. They settle for some schlub who they think will be an adequate father so they can fulfill their mother's dreams about having grandchildren.

 

[Osaurus]

Wife and I had some serious discussions about kids before we got married. If either of us felt strongly about having children, we would have not gotten married. I think more couples need to have this talk and it might save them a lot of pain and sorrow down the road. I am not saying don't have kids...merely consider all options with someone you plan on spending the rest of your life with.

 

[sbonomo]

Still going strong?

I turned 33 last month. Still zero desire to ever have children. None. I just spent 2 weeks Scandinavia/Russia and now planning my trip to Peru in October. Sprinkle in a few domestic trips this summer, and I could never imagine not being able to do things for the next 18 years (or at the very least, not as often).

I'm too selfish and just wouldn't be a good parent, and I know that. I forgot about this thread but it's a great read.

38 married 5 years....same here.. Zero desire to have one of those leeches running around.

 

[EYLive]

Do you guys find that women want to be mothers more than they want to be married to any particular person?

We met a couple down there that the wife said something along the lines of, "I couldn't wait to get married, I can't wait to be a Mom."

I looked at the husband and cried inside for him.

I have a couple friends who I'm sure only chose their wives as vessels for children. They wanted and love their kids, not sure they even like/liked their wives.

Do you guys find that women want to be mothers more than they want to be married to any particular person?

I think this happens in a lot of cases. They settle for some schlub who they think will be an adequate father so they can fulfill their mother's dreams about having grandchildren.

This makes me sad. I personally think 2 people should love each other, then decide as a team whether to have kids or not. When one person decides long ago that they're having children it undermines the marriage/relationship.

 

[butcher boy]

I love kids and they tend to love me but I have no desire to have kids and neither does my wife. We love hanging out with all of our friends and their children though. Hell, my wife and I are a couple of Disney nuts and we talk with our friends about taking their kids to Disneyland when they're old enough.

Neither of us have the desire to have any though and with the "savings" we've had from it we already own a vacation time share.

 

[fasteddie_21]

Happy DINKs here

 

[NutterButter]

I love my kids to death, but I always wondered what it would like not having kids and what my life would've been like. One nice thing about having kids is that your life has stages. Without them, it would just been the same thing year in and year out. Sure there's different vacations, but other than that, its the same thing. With kids, they go through different stages of life and you with them. Then when they're off to college, now you're on to that stage where no kids people are at in which you can do whatever you want and travel wherever you want. Then they have kids and you go through the grandparent years as well which I'm really looking forward to b/c you just get the best of the kids. Totally different life trajectories, but the variety is nice with children.

 

[Christo]

Add another to the "no kids" list. Im 36 and my GF of 10 years is 38. Neither of us want kids. We both have neices and nephews that we love and can do cool stuff with. Thats good enough for us.

I'm now 44 and have no kids. No regrets.

46 and just returned from a vacation with my 2 nieces and nephew. People with kids may think they know the secret to the Universe. But I'll be damned if I ever believe there's a better feeling than being able to walk away from a wailing kid knowing it's not my problem.

 

[sublimeone]

Maybe you childless people have inferior genes and your lack of desire to procreate is simply natures way of eliminating you from the gene pool.

 

[Christo]

Maybe you childless people have inferior genes and your lack of desire to procreate is simply natures way of eliminating you from the gene pool.

Yeah, that's the answer.

 

[jamny]

We would like a dog though but we're not ready yet. We're thinking of using rover.com to watch other people's dogs.

 

[butcher boy]

Add another to the "no kids" list. Im 36 and my GF of 10 years is 38. Neither of us want kids. We both have neices and nephews that we love and can do cool stuff with. Thats good enough for us.

I'm now 44 and have no kids. No regrets.

46 and just returned from a vacation with my 2 nieces and nephew. People with kids may think they know the secret to the Universe. But I'll be damned if I ever believe there's a better feeling than being able to walk away from a wailing kid knowing it's not my problem.

It's the greatest. Hanging out with an 18 month old is awesome. Handing that 18 month old to his mom because he has a poopie diaper is even more awesome.

 

[cstu]

I love my kids to death, but I always wondered what it would like not having kids and what my life would've been like. One nice thing about having kids is that your life has stages. Without them, it would just been the same thing year in and year out. Sure there's different vacations, but other than that, its the same thing. With kids, they go through different stages of life and you with them. Then when they're off to college, now you're on to that stage where no kids people are at in which you can do whatever you want and travel wherever you want. Then they have kids and you go through the grandparent years as well which I'm really looking forward to b/c you just get the best of the kids. Totally different life trajectories, but the variety is nice with children.

That was my thought on having kids. I had done quite a bit that I wanted to by the time I had a kid (36) and frankly I didn't like the prospects of more of the same until I died. It helped that I liked teaching, not sure I'd want kids if I didn't.

 

[cstu]

Just got back from a week in Antigua. We met several couples in their 40's-50's and when they found out we didn't have kids by choice they all said the same thing; "We love our kids but you guys made the right choice." The one husband/father was a bit more harsh about it and said that the best day in his life will be when this two "princes" move out.

That's what parents say to non-parents to make them feel better. Next time ask them if they could travel back in time and make sure their kids never existed would they do it.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/391411.page

 

[17seconds]

Has someone ever coherently explained why it is selfish to not want kids? Do people who think that way believe people are obligated to have children?

Not wanting kids is neither selfish nor unselfish.

 

[Northern Voice]

Just got back from a week in Antigua. We met several couples in their 40's-50's and when they found out we didn't have kids by choice they all said the same thing; "We love our kids but you guys made the right choice." The one husband/father was a bit more harsh about it and said that the best day in his life will be when this two "princes" move out.

That's what parents say to non-parents to make them feel better. Next time ask them if they could travel back in time and make sure their kids never existed would they do it.

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/391411.page

I for one am shocked that a message board for moms and dads would be full of people who want to be moms and dads.

 

[17seconds]

I love my kids to death, but I always wondered what it would like not having kids and what my life would've been like. One nice thing about having kids is that your life has stages. Without them, it would just been the same thing year in and year out. Sure there's different vacations, but other than that, its the same thing. With kids, they go through different stages of life and you with them. Then when they're off to college, now you're on to that stage where no kids people are at in which you can do whatever you want and travel wherever you want. Then they have kids and you go through the grandparent years as well which I'm really looking forward to b/c you just get the best of the kids. Totally different life trajectories, but the variety is nice with children.

That was my thought on having kids. I had done quite a bit that I wanted to by the time I had a kid (36) and frankly I didn't like the prospects of more of the same until I died.

Agree. I had my first kid at 35. I know what my adult life would be like if I never had kids. I lived it for 17 years. It would be simpler but it definitely wouldn't be "better". They enrich your life in a way that's not possible without them. In around 12 years I'll be back to that simple life anyway, so it's not like it's gone forever.

 

[beavers]

I respect those who decide not have children. And I respect those who do. I think that there are pros and cons to each situation ... For example ... See childless friend in Facebook. In a photo. At a bar. With beer. One day I think "oh that must be nice0 then the next day I think "weren't they just at the bar? Oh yeah I remember that feeling of doing it over and over again." Either way, I think that both types are missing out on life experiences. But what I've found to be key is balance. If you're without children, spend time with family and friends in addition to your life with your spouse. If with kids, make time for you and your spouse.

 

[cstu]

Has someone ever coherently explained why it is selfish to not want kids? Do people who think that way believe people are obligated to have children?

Not wanting kids is neither selfish nor unselfish.

It's not selfish to not want kids.

What's selfish is to have kids when you don't want them just to please other people and then be a bad parent who is unwilling to spend the time and effort to raise them.

 

[jwb]

48 here, married 15 years, and no kids. Love it. Life is never boring, and we always get to do what we want, when we want.

One aspect that nobody has mentioned is how freeing it is in regards to the future. Bottom line, I have no real stake in the future. Yes, I have nieces and nephews, but it's just not the same. I don't really care that much about the economy, standard of living, the direction of things, the cost of college, etc. I know that sounds a little selfish, but I find it hard to get worked up about these things. If I had kids, that would be different. In fact, I would be terrified, as I'm pretty sure it's going to be much harder to make a decent living unless you are really exceptional.

Having kids is a great choice for some, and I hope those that choose to are thrilled with their choice. But not having kids is incredibly awesome as well. I would recommend this lifestyle to anyone.

 

[Judge Smails]

Has someone ever coherently explained why it is selfish to not want kids? Do people who think that way believe people are obligated to have children?

Not wanting kids is neither selfish nor unselfish.

One poster said he recognized that he's too selfish to have kids. Nothing wrong with that. Those who have kids anyways with that type of mentality is the problem. You have to be somewhat selfless to raise kids, at least for a good 20 years or so. Huge commitment.

My kids are 20, 22 and 24. Have them with me now for 2 weeks in Cabo. Yes, they cost a ton. Braces, cars, college educations, upcoming weddings - that's the big stuff. Then the endless $ day to day. Dining out is 5, not 2. And they can now all drink on my dime with dinner (at least in Mexico). And there are times when I don't like 'em very much, like when they got into the typical sibling petty arguments earlier in the trip. But personally I wouldn't change a thing. Love our kids and can't imagine our world without them. It's all how you're wired. We wanted kids.. Other folks don't. To each their own.

 

[PatsWillWin]

Just got back from a week in Antigua. We met several couples in their 40's-50's and when they found out we didn't have kids by choice they all said the same thing; "We love our kids but you guys made the right choice." The one husband/father was a bit more harsh about it and said that the best day in his life will be when this two "princes" move out.

Huh? Like they regretted it?

 

[roadkill1292]

Just got back from a week in Antigua. We met several couples in their 40's-50's and when they found out we didn't have kids by choice they all said the same thing; "We love our kids but you guys made the right choice." The one husband/father was a bit more harsh about it and said that the best day in his life will be when this two "princes" move out.

Huh? Like they regretted it?

I saw a poll some years back where a surprisingly high percentage of fathers responded by saying if they had to do it all over again, they wouldn't have children, even though they loved their kids. I'll try to dig it up later today.

 

[McGarnicle]

Just got back from a week in Antigua. We met several couples in their 40's-50's and when they found out we didn't have kids by choice they all said the same thing; "We love our kids but you guys made the right choice." The one husband/father was a bit more harsh about it and said that the best day in his life will be when this two "princes" move out.

Huh? Like they regretted it?

I saw a poll some years back where a surprisingly high percentage of fathers responded by saying if they had to do it all over again, they wouldn't have children, even though they loved their kids. I'll try to dig it up later today.

It would be interesting to see that broken down by happily married vs. divorced dads. I would guess that a man who's lost half his wealth, lives in a crappy apartment and gets to see his kids once a week might have some regrets.

 

[Fennis]

Has someone ever coherently explained why it is selfish to not want kids? Do people who think that way believe people are obligated to have children?

Not wanting kids is neither selfish nor unselfish.

One poster said he recognized that he's too selfish to have kids. Nothing wrong with that. Those who have kids anyways with that type of mentality is the problem. You have to be somewhat selfless to raise kids, at least for a good 20 years or so. Huge commitment.

My kids are 20, 22 and 24. Have them with me now for 2 weeks in Cabo. Yes, they cost a ton. Braces, cars, college educations, upcoming weddings - that's the big stuff. Then the endless $ day to day. Dining out is 5, not 2. And they can now all drink on my dime with dinner (at least in Mexico). And there are times when I don't like 'em very much, like when they got into the typical sibling petty arguments earlier in the trip. But personally I wouldn't change a thing. Love our kids and can't imagine our world without them. It's all how you're wired. We wanted kids.. Other folks don't. To each their own.

A decision to have kids is just as selfish as a decision to not have kids.

Glad youre having fun in Cabo.

 

[Buddy Ball 2K3]

Just got back from a week in Antigua. We met several couples in their 40's-50's and when they found out we didn't have kids by choice they all said the same thing; "We love our kids but you guys made the right choice." The one husband/father was a bit more harsh about it and said that the best day in his life will be when this two "princes" move out.

Huh? Like they regretted it?

The couples we met on vacation LOVED all of their kids (the group range was from teenagers to adults), however...

The couples with kids that were out of the house said that they were much happier now than they were when the kids lived with them. The "princes" father gave the impression that he wanted children until he realized that he and the relationship with his wife took 3rd and 4th place in his wife's world. He would constantly roll his eyes when she would mention the kids in conversation.

So I think the "princes" father was the only one to actually regret having kids and the other couples wondered what their lives would be like without their kids taking up 18-20 years of it.

 

[Mad Cow]

Not that I care if any of you have kids, but it is laughable that so many of you are saying that you are not selfish in your desire to not want kids, but then say you just need to be able to travel when you want, have your money for your own purposes, not be bothered with the needs of children. Those of us that are parents know that when our kids act like that, that they are being selfish. Just own up to it and call the spade a freaking spade.

Anecdotally, my grandparents had friends from when they were young that decided they did not want children and would take jabs at my grandparents as they would travel while they had kids. Later when retirement years came, they became fairly jealous and bitter that there were children and grandchildren for my grandparents and their lives were fairly empty.

Also as you laugh at those of us struggling with kids and give us dirty looks when they don't behave as you feel they should, try to remember that you all had parents that decided to have you, and that sacrificed a crap ton of time and resources for you. Being a parent is the highest calling and honor and human can hope to receive in this life, and a good job doing it is as great of an accomplishment as any in this lifetime.

 

[Buddy Ball 2K3]

Not that I care if any of you have kids, but it is laughable that so many of you are saying that you are not selfish in your desire to not want kids, but then say you just need to be able to travel when you want, have your money for your own purposes, not be bothered with the needs of children. Those of us that are parents know that when our kids act like that, that they are being selfish. Just own up to it and call the spade a freaking spade.

Anecdotally, my grandparents had friends from when they were young that decided they did not want children and would take jabs at my grandparents as they would travel while they had kids. Later when retirement years came, they became fairly jealous and bitter that there were children and grandchildren for my grandparents and their lives were fairly empty.

Also as you laugh at those of us struggling with kids and give us dirty looks when they don't behave as you feel they should, try to remember that you all had parents that decided to have you, and that sacrificed a crap ton of time and resources for you. Being a parent is the highest calling and honor and human can hope to receive in this life, and a good job doing it is as great of an accomplishment as any in this lifetime.

Can't we make the argument that you are more selfish for wanting kids?

 

[roadkill1292]

Calm down, Cow.

 

[Mad Cow]

Calm down, Cow.

I am not really worked up, I just saw this thread for the first time yesterday and have no interest in following it. I just find the chest beating and hypocrisy a little over the top. Carry on. I shall not take away from your "me time" any longer.

 

[ChiefD]

Kids are a pain in the ###.

But man, when they look at you and call you daddy and give you that silly smile, it's worth all the stuff you deal with and have to think about.

 

[Buddy Ball 2K3]

Calm down, Cow.

I am not really worked up, I just saw this thread for the first time yesterday and have no interest in following it. I just find the chest beating and hypocrisy a little over the top. Carry on. I shall not take away from your "me time" any longer.

What need did your children fill for you? What was the reason YOU wanted children? Is there anything more selfish than wanting to bring another human on to this earth to fill a need you need have?

 

[jwb]

Not that I care if any of you have kids, but it is laughable that so many of you are saying that you are not selfish in your desire to not want kids, but then say you just need to be able to travel when you want, have your money for your own purposes, not be bothered with the needs of children. Those of us that are parents know that when our kids act like that, that they are being selfish. Just own up to it and call the spade a freaking spade.

Anecdotally, my grandparents had friends from when they were young that decided they did not want children and would take jabs at my grandparents as they would travel while they had kids. Later when retirement years came, they became fairly jealous and bitter that there were children and grandchildren for my grandparents and their lives were fairly empty.

Also as you laugh at those of us struggling with kids and give us dirty looks when they don't behave as you feel they should, try to remember that you all had parents that decided to have you, and that sacrificed a crap ton of time and resources for you. Being a parent is the highest calling and honor and human can hope to receive in this life, and a good job doing it is as great of an accomplishment as any in this lifetime.

Can't we make the argument that you are more selfish for wanting kids?

Especially since there's no longer this great need for kids to work on the family farm, etc. And now, thanks to birth control, we can enjoy our natural urges without producing children. So the decision to have kids is because you actually *want* them. Sounds like a selfish thing to me

Seriously, have them or don't have them - both are fine (and not selfish) if that's what you want.

 

[roadkill1292]

Calm down, Cow.

I am not really worked up, I just saw this thread for the first time yesterday and have no interest in following it. I just find the chest beating and hypocrisy a little over the top. Carry on. I shall not take away from your "me time" any longer.

Your argument was pretty over the top. "Highest calling?" Give us an effing break.

 

[belljr]

I wanted kids and love teaching and doing stuff with them

eta I i was 35 when my daughter was born... i did have kid less fun before

 

[Fennis]

[SIZE=10.5pt]Its funny living in Seattle, there are a significant number of childless couples that its treated normal. I feel for people, especially those still in their 20s or 30s, who choose not to have children and live in places in the south or Utah (ahem), where it is treated as abnormal or wrong. [/SIZE]

 

[jwb]

Calm down, Cow.

I am not really worked up, I just saw this thread for the first time yesterday and have no interest in following it. I just find the chest beating and hypocrisy a little over the top. Carry on. I shall not take away from your "me time" any longer.

Your argument was pretty over the top. "Highest calling?" Give us an effing break.

Heh, that sounds like an angry parent trying to justify their lifestyle choice as they clean peanut butter off the ceiling.

 

[jwb]

[SIZE=10.5pt]Its funny living in Seattle, there are a significant number of childless couples that its treated normal. I feel for people, especially those still in their 20s or 30s, who choose not to have children and live in places in the south or Utah (ahem), where it is treated as abnormal or wrong. [/SIZE]

we prefer childfree.

 

[eoMMan]

Not that I care if any of you have kids, but it is laughable that so many of you are saying that you are not selfish in your desire to not want kids, but then say you just need to be able to travel when you want, have your money for your own purposes, not be bothered with the needs of children. Those of us that are parents know that when our kids act like that, that they are being selfish. Just own up to it and call the spade a freaking spade.

Anecdotally, my grandparents had friends from when they were young that decided they did not want children and would take jabs at my grandparents as they would travel while they had kids. Later when retirement years came, they became fairly jealous and bitter that there were children and grandchildren for my grandparents and their lives were fairly empty.

Also as you laugh at those of us struggling with kids and give us dirty looks when they don't behave as you feel they should, try to remember that you all had parents that decided to have you, and that sacrificed a crap ton of time and resources for you. Being a parent is the highest calling and honor and human can hope to receive in this life, and a good job doing it is as great of an accomplishment as any in this lifetime.

Uhh, no. Nice try.

 

[Franknbeans]

The decision to have or not have kids is the most selfish one a person can make

 

[McGarnicle]

The "selfish" argument never made any sense to me, because that word has always implied to me that a person is doing something for their own gain at the expense of someone else. For example, cutting someone off in traffic, taking the last piece of cake, skimping on a wedding gift, or a million other things people do to slight other people. In this context, the selfishness is at the expense of whom? A child who does not exist?

You should be "selfish" when it comes to a major life decision like having kids. Life is short. Live it in the way that makes you happiest, whether that means having kids or not having kids. Why do some parents feel the need to condescend and proselytize? If you love your kids, good for you. Why do you care if others choose not to have them?

 

[Northern Voice]

You should be "selfish" when it comes to a major life decision like having kids. Life is short. Live it in the way that makes you happiest, whether that means having kids or not having kids. Why do some parents feel the need to condescend and proselytize? If you love your kids, good for you. Why do you care if others choose not to have them?

Everyone is and should be selfish.

 

[butcher boy]

I think most of the potshots people take on people with kids are made in jest. I do it all the time with our friends who are parents despite knowing that their decision to have kids was absolutely the right decision for them to make.

 

[Fennis]

I think most of the potshots people take on people with kids are made in jest. I do it all the time with our friends who are parents despite knowing that their decision to have kids was absolutely the right decision for them to make.

pfft, breeders

 

[igbomb]

Calm down, Cow.

I am not really worked up, I just saw this thread for the first time yesterday and have no interest in following it. I just find the chest beating and hypocrisy a little over the top. Carry on. I shall not take away from your "me time" any longer.

I have three kids of my own and it's been the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

But I have to assume that you understand just how much of a Richard you come across as by throwing this "highest calling and honor" garbage out at the people who opted not to have kids.

If people don't want kids, great. More power to them. Hope you're happy in everything that you do. I'm not going to call you selfish or anything else. It's a huge commitment to have children and if it's not for you, then not having kids is obviously the right thing to do.

My real issue is with the people that don't really want kids but have them because they feel like they are supposed to.

 

[NCCommish]

Calm down, Cow.

I am not really worked up, I just saw this thread for the first time yesterday and have no interest in following it. I just find the chest beating and hypocrisy a little over the top. Carry on. I shall not take away from your "me time" any longer.

I have three kids of my own and it's been the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

But I have to assume that you understand just how much of a Richard you come across as by throwing this "highest calling and honor" garbage out at the people who opted not to have kids.

If people don't want kids, great. More power to them. Hope you're happy in everything that you do. I'm not going to call you selfish or anything else. It's a huge commitment to have children and if it's not for you, then not having kids is obviously the right thing to do.

My real issue is with the people that don't really want kids but have them because they feel like they are supposed to.

Yeah that leads to bad things too often.

 

[jamny]

One thing I'm thankful for is that neither my mom nor my MiL ever pushed us to have kids. They both knew early on it wasn't going to happen.

 

[eoMMan]

Calm down, Cow.

I am not really worked up, I just saw this thread for the first time yesterday and have no interest in following it. I just find the chest beating and hypocrisy a little over the top. Carry on. I shall not take away from your "me time" any longer.

I have three kids of my own and it's been the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

But I have to assume that you understand just how much of a Richard you come across as by throwing this "highest calling and honor" garbage out at the people who opted not to have kids.

If people don't want kids, great. More power to them. Hope you're happy in everything that you do. I'm not going to call you selfish or anything else. It's a huge commitment to have children and if it's not for you, then not having kids is obviously the right thing to do.

My real issue is with the people that don't really want kids but have them because they feel like they are supposed to.

Yeah that leads to bad things too often.

And the people who have unplanned, "oopsie" kids and bad things follow (note, not all unplanned kids have bad results but it's always best to plan and think about having a child).