*Official Adoption Thread* (3 Viewers)

[Sweet J]

Anyway, that is my story. People who adopt are seriously fantastic. Kudos to all of you.

Believe me, I'm not criticizing you or pissing on your post. But this comment did bring up an interesting point that I thought I'd share. My wife and I adopted our son a couple of years ago and went through the whole international process.Anyway, I just think you have to be careful heaping praise on people who choose to adopt. I know what you're trying to say, and again, I don't disagree with your sentiment, but when people praise others for adopting it starts to head down the slippery slope of praising them for "saving some child."Maybe in your brother's case, that's exactly what happened. I'm not disputing that or saying that adoption isn't good. But the unintended side effect of those types of comments can put undue pressure on some children who are adopted because they then feel like they have to "live up to" that great thing their parents did by adopting them. If they're told by people how lucky they are to have been adopted and removed from a supposedly bad situation, for instance, that can have negative side effects too.I think the thing that needs to be focused on is how lucky we parents are that decided to adopt and that the option is out there for us. That's my only point. I don't think people who decide to adopt are any "better" than people who choose to have a biological child.

All good points.

 

[redman]

Anyway, that is my story. People who adopt are seriously fantastic. Kudos to all of you.

Believe me, I'm not criticizing you or pissing on your post. But this comment did bring up an interesting point that I thought I'd share. My wife and I adopted our son a couple of years ago and went through the whole international process.Anyway, I just think you have to be careful heaping praise on people who choose to adopt. I know what you're trying to say, and again, I don't disagree with your sentiment, but when people praise others for adopting it starts to head down the slippery slope of praising them for "saving some child."

Maybe in your brother's case, that's exactly what happened. I'm not disputing that or saying that adoption isn't good. But the unintended side effect of those types of comments can put undue pressure on some children who are adopted because they then feel like they have to "live up to" that great thing their parents did by adopting them. If they're told by people how lucky they are to have been adopted and removed from a supposedly bad situation, for instance, that can have negative side effects too.

I think the thing that needs to be focused on is how lucky we parents are that decided to adopt and that the option is out there for us. That's my only point. I don't think people who decide to adopt are any "better" than people who choose to have a biological child.

There are right and wrong ways to convey any point. I agree with you to the extent that you want the child first and foremost to believe he/she's "normal", and no different in any meaningful way from any other child. That's why they're now advocating that you talk about adoption with your child from the beginning, and add more detail to the story as they grow up and mature, and are capable of understanding and processing the information. OTOH, "adoption" still has social stigma attached to it, and that needs to be countered. Your adopted child will be the exception (even though far more people are adopted than we usually suspect), and they need to know that they're special too and that their adoptive parents' relationship with them is no less special than biological parents'. How are you going to convey that without telling the child that you did in fact choose them?

The fact is that my wife and I did do something special with our son. We went from being DINK's to being parents literally overnight. Neither of us is looking for a medal and we're not heroes, but that's the way it happened and that's the story of our child's life. We're not going to lie to him.

 

[GroveDiesel]

bobg, not sure who all you've looked at as far as adoption agencies are concerned, but we are also in South Jersey. Our adoption agency is actually in California but we needed to have a home study done. Our agency recommended Adoptions From the Heart so that's who we used for our homestudy. They were very nice people and made it a very easy process. Obviously I can't comment on them regarding the rest of the process, but they were good to work with for the homestudy and at least good enough that another adoption agency recommended them. Although, they're "open" adoption program would not be my preference.

Grove: We met with Adoptions From the Heart and Golden Cradle. I'm curious what made you pick an agency in Cali if you'd choose to share.

We actually did a lot of research (well, mostly I did a lot of research) to find out which country would be fit us before we chose an agency. My wife really wants an Asian child and I have no problem with whatever child we get. So then I looked into the costs, requirements, length of process and a lot of other factors for each country and we eventually ended up feeling like Taiwan was the best fit for us.But since Taiwan is fairly new to international adoption, there aren't a whole lot of agencies that do adoptions through Taiwan. Our research seemed to indicate that Heartsent Adoptions in California had been doing Taiwan adoptions for several years and was handling a fairly large percentage of Americans adoption from Taiwan. There also seemed to be a lot of very satisfied people posting their stories about their adoptions through their program.There were several other ones that we looked at as well. An absolutely crucial step is to find the state agency that licenses the adoption agencies that you're looking at and call them up. My wife did that with all of the ones that we had looked at and actually got some insight to a few of them that steered us away from them. Some of the agencies wouldn't give out much information, but others were very helpful. We heard lots of good stuff about the one that we chose from the California state agency.So, despite the distance, we decided to use them because of their experience with the country that we have chosen and the responses about them that we had read online and received from the state.

 

[Giant Wooden Badger]

Wow, I knew that China put in a lot of restrictions recently, but I didn't realize that it caused that much of a delay.

It's ridiculous but it isn't just the restrictions. There are a ton of factors that are contributing to it and I can't begin to cover them all today.I'll just say that our paperwork for China was officially "logged in" in January of 2006. We obviously started the process well before that. We're hoping to get a referral in April or May and travel in June or July but with Chinese New Year starting soon and the Olympics there this summer, I'm not optimistic.

 

[redman]

bobg, not sure who all you've looked at as far as adoption agencies are concerned, but we are also in South Jersey. Our adoption agency is actually in California but we needed to have a home study done. Our agency recommended Adoptions From the Heart so that's who we used for our homestudy. They were very nice people and made it a very easy process. Obviously I can't comment on them regarding the rest of the process, but they were good to work with for the homestudy and at least good enough that another adoption agency recommended them. Although, they're "open" adoption program would not be my preference.

Grove: We met with Adoptions From the Heart and Golden Cradle. I'm curious what made you pick an agency in Cali if you'd choose to share.

We actually did a lot of research (well, mostly I did a lot of research) to find out which country would be fit us before we chose an agency. My wife really wants an Asian child and I have no problem with whatever child we get. So then I looked into the costs, requirements, length of process and a lot of other factors for each country and we eventually ended up feeling like Taiwan was the best fit for us.But since Taiwan is fairly new to international adoption, there aren't a whole lot of agencies that do adoptions through Taiwan. Our research seemed to indicate that Heartsent Adoptions in California had been doing Taiwan adoptions for several years and was handling a fairly large percentage of Americans adoption from Taiwan. There also seemed to be a lot of very satisfied people posting their stories about their adoptions through their program.There were several other ones that we looked at as well. An absolutely crucial step is to find the state agency that licenses the adoption agencies that you're looking at and call them up. My wife did that with all of the ones that we had looked at and actually got some insight to a few of them that steered us away from them. Some of the agencies wouldn't give out much information, but others were very helpful. We heard lots of good stuff about the one that we chose from the California state agency.So, despite the distance, we decided to use them because of their experience with the country that we have chosen and the responses about them that we had read online and received from the state.

If you're absolutely certain you want to adopt a Chinese child, then it does probably make sense to go with a West Coast agency. I'd assume that such agencies have stronger ties to China/Taiwan than would agencies in other parts of the country.

 

[GroveDiesel]

bobg, not sure who all you've looked at as far as adoption agencies are concerned, but we are also in South Jersey. Our adoption agency is actually in California but we needed to have a home study done. Our agency recommended Adoptions From the Heart so that's who we used for our homestudy. They were very nice people and made it a very easy process. Obviously I can't comment on them regarding the rest of the process, but they were good to work with for the homestudy and at least good enough that another adoption agency recommended them. Although, they're "open" adoption program would not be my preference.

Grove: We met with Adoptions From the Heart and Golden Cradle. I'm curious what made you pick an agency in Cali if you'd choose to share.

We actually did a lot of research (well, mostly I did a lot of research) to find out which country would be fit us before we chose an agency. My wife really wants an Asian child and I have no problem with whatever child we get. So then I looked into the costs, requirements, length of process and a lot of other factors for each country and we eventually ended up feeling like Taiwan was the best fit for us.But since Taiwan is fairly new to international adoption, there aren't a whole lot of agencies that do adoptions through Taiwan. Our research seemed to indicate that Heartsent Adoptions in California had been doing Taiwan adoptions for several years and was handling a fairly large percentage of Americans adoption from Taiwan. There also seemed to be a lot of very satisfied people posting their stories about their adoptions through their program.

There were several other ones that we looked at as well. An absolutely crucial step is to find the state agency that licenses the adoption agencies that you're looking at and call them up. My wife did that with all of the ones that we had looked at and actually got some insight to a few of them that steered us away from them. Some of the agencies wouldn't give out much information, but others were very helpful. We heard lots of good stuff about the one that we chose from the California state agency.

So, despite the distance, we decided to use them because of their experience with the country that we have chosen and the responses about them that we had read online and received from the state.

If you're absolutely certain you want to adopt a Chinese child, then it does probably make sense to go with a West Coast agency. I'd assume that such agencies have stronger ties to China/Taiwan than would agencies in other parts of the country.

The good Chinese though. No way am I inviting some commie into my family.

 

[Schrute]

Anyway, that is my story. People who adopt are seriously fantastic. Kudos to all of you.

Believe me, I'm not criticizing you or pissing on your post. But this comment did bring up an interesting point that I thought I'd share. My wife and I adopted our son a couple of years ago and went through the whole international process.Anyway, I just think you have to be careful heaping praise on people who choose to adopt. I know what you're trying to say, and again, I don't disagree with your sentiment, but when people praise others for adopting it starts to head down the slippery slope of praising them for "saving some child."

Maybe in your brother's case, that's exactly what happened. I'm not disputing that or saying that adoption isn't good. But the unintended side effect of those types of comments can put undue pressure on some children who are adopted because they then feel like they have to "live up to" that great thing their parents did by adopting them. If they're told by people how lucky they are to have been adopted and removed from a supposedly bad situation, for instance, that can have negative side effects too.

I think the thing that needs to be focused on is how lucky we parents are that decided to adopt and that the option is out there for us. That's my only point. I don't think people who decide to adopt are any "better" than people who choose to have a biological child.

There are right and wrong ways to convey any point. I agree with you to the extent that you want the child first and foremost to believe he/she's "normal", and no different in any meaningful way from any other child. That's why they're now advocating that you talk about adoption with your child from the beginning, and add more detail to the story as they grow up and mature, and are capable of understanding and processing the information. OTOH, "adoption" still has social stigma attached to it, and that needs to be countered. Your adopted child will be the exception (even though far more people are adopted than we usually suspect), and they need to know that they're special too and that their adoptive parents' relationship with them is no less special than biological parents'. How are you going to convey that without telling the child that you did in fact choose them?

The fact is that my wife and I did do something special with our son. We went from being DINK's to being parents literally overnight. Neither of us is looking for a medal and we're not heroes, but that's the way it happened and that's the story of our child's life. We're not going to lie to him.

I'm not saying you don't acknowledge the fact that they're adopted. That's not at all what I'm saying. And I understand that it is different. But my point is that while adoption may be different, that doesn't mean it's better. I wasn't suggesting lying to your child by any means. I'm simply saying you shouldn't tell your child how lucky he is that you and your wife came along and did this wonderful thing and saved him from some horrible life. No child should have to hear something like that.

 

[Worm]

Although, they're "open" adoption program would not be my preference.

For those others out there looking into adoption, it's not for everyone, but don't be "scared" of open adoption. There are lots of benefits to it.

I'm sure that there are. I could definitely see how some of it would be beneficial. But for me, even one story of a birth parent suing and successfully getting their child back months or years later is one story too many. I'm not going to be too worried about a Taiwanese lady going to the orphanage, finding out where her kid ended up, and trying to get the child back from me in the U.S.We adopted a dog last March. They told us that the dog was perfectly healthy and house trained. It was immediately apparent that she wasn't house trained in the least and that she has some problems with her legs. But once we had her, there was no way we were giving her up. It would be about a million times harder to be forced into giving my child back to a birth parent. I don't care if the chance would only be 1 in 500,000 that it would happen, it'd still be too much. That's one of the reasons that we chose to go international. Because there's no question that the chances of that happening are zero.

ETA: But I could see how there would be some benefits to an open adoption for those willing to also deal with the potential drawbacks.

This is something that people associate with open adoptions, but shouldn't. Whenever you have heard about cases like this it is because the adoption was performed by a facilitator who didn't do their job. If you go though a reputable agency, this won't happen.

 

[CrossEyed]

From what I understand, in the present day climate, international adoptions are harder than they've been in the past, although that could certainly change.

This is true. Guatemala is pretty much shut down at this point until they bring their standards up and the China timeline is at something ridiculous like 3+ years right now.

Closer to 5. A bunch of agencies are shutting down their China program because of it.

We have friends who are in the pipeline for an adoption from China. They thought that they were going to have a little girl over a year and a half ago. They are very frustrated.Pretty sure we're going the domestic route.

 

[CrossEyed]

Mrs. CE and I have an appointment with Bethany Christian Services on 4/29. We'll be meeting with social workers from both their domestic infant adoption program and the PA SWAN (state wide adoption network) program. Tough choices to be made. The Mrs. always thought she wanted an infant, but after visiting the SWAN website, now she's not sure. SWAN consists of children who are considered "special needs". That may be because they are older, that they have a sibling or siblings from whom they don't want separated, or it could mean that they have physical or emotional problems ranging from mild to severe. If you adopt from PA SWAN, the state covers almost all of your adoption costs.

This is not going to be an easy decision.

 

[Marvelous]

My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).

There were two issues that came up on our home study.The big one: Many states prohibit spanking adoptive children. We live in Virginia, but our social worker was from Maryland. In Maryland, you are required to sign a form saying you will not spank. After a lengthy debate between my social worker and my wife (it was a lot like a lot of thread here on footballguys), the social worker found out there is no such requirement in Virginia and approved us.The other item: at the time, we had a friend staying with us because he was having a lot of problems. It turns out that he had an incident where he had a gun in his car (legally from what he told me) and his wife had charges filed against him. He agreed to move out so we could complete our home study. So guns could be another trigger issue on home studies.

 

[CrossEyed]

My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).

There were two issues that came up on our home study.The big one: Many states prohibit spanking adoptive children. We live in Virginia, but our social worker was from Maryland. In Maryland, you are required to sign a form saying you will not spank. After a lengthy debate between my social worker and my wife (it was a lot like a lot of thread here on footballguys), the social worker found out there is no such requirement in Virginia and approved us.

The other item: at the time, we had a friend staying with us because he was having a lot of problems. It turns out that he had an incident where he had a gun in his car (legally from what he told me) and his wife had charges filed against him. He agreed to move out so we could complete our home study. So guns could be another trigger issue on home studies.

How do you find out your states laws on these types of things?

 

[CrossEyed]

So has anyone here ever adopted a sibling pair/group? I'd love to hear about that experience.

 

[Mr Capicollo]

My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).

There were two issues that came up on our home study.The big one: Many states prohibit spanking adoptive children. We live in Virginia, but our social worker was from Maryland. In Maryland, you are required to sign a form saying you will not spank. After a lengthy debate between my social worker and my wife (it was a lot like a lot of thread here on footballguys), the social worker found out there is no such requirement in Virginia and approved us.

The other item: at the time, we had a friend staying with us because he was having a lot of problems. It turns out that he had an incident where he had a gun in his car (legally from what he told me) and his wife had charges filed against him. He agreed to move out so we could complete our home study. So guns could be another trigger issue on home studies.

How do you find out your states laws on these types of things?

Google's probably your friend. If you're working with an agency or a lawyer, you can ask them too.

 

[Marvelous]

My wife and I are leaning towards adoption. Fill us in on all the questions they ask, are there anythings that are automatic chance killers? (for example we dont make enough money, I have a split personality etc etc).

There were two issues that came up on our home study.The big one: Many states prohibit spanking adoptive children. We live in Virginia, but our social worker was from Maryland. In Maryland, you are required to sign a form saying you will not spank. After a lengthy debate between my social worker and my wife (it was a lot like a lot of thread here on footballguys), the social worker found out there is no such requirement in Virginia and approved us.

The other item: at the time, we had a friend staying with us because he was having a lot of problems. It turns out that he had an incident where he had a gun in his car (legally from what he told me) and his wife had charges filed against him. He agreed to move out so we could complete our home study. So guns could be another trigger issue on home studies.

How do you find out your states laws on these types of things?

My guess is talking to others. There are probably tons of groups on the internet. My wife joined a few when we were adopting, but I never sought them out. I thought on the spanking question, we should just lay low and if asked, say we hadn't decided. But my wife wanted to get into an arguement on it.

 

[Marvelous]

So has anyone here ever adopted a sibling pair/group? I'd love to hear about that experience.

We adopted twin girls from China. They were 9 months old when we got them. I am not sure if this counts for what you are looking for and I am not sure what to say. Just that twins are pretty overwhelming. There is plenty for the father to do, including changing diapers, feeding, etc. We were completely exhausted for two or three years.There is something to be said to spacing the kids out a little. We also had our own biological son 11 months later (so they are 20 months apart in age). Did I mention we were continually exhausted?

 

[CrossEyed]

So has anyone here ever adopted a sibling pair/group? I'd love to hear about that experience.

We adopted twin girls from China. They were 9 months old when we got them. I am not sure if this counts for what you are looking for and I am not sure what to say. Just that twins are pretty overwhelming. There is plenty for the father to do, including changing diapers, feeding, etc. We were completely exhausted for two or three years.There is something to be said to spacing the kids out a little. We also had our own biological son 11 months later (so they are 20 months apart in age). Did I mention we were continually exhausted?

Thanks.In our case it would most likely be an older set of siblings. Typically in the SWAN program at least one sibling is 8 or older. That's why they are having trouble finding them a home.

 

[CrossEyed]

Had our meeting with Bethany today. Met with the woman who works with the SWAN program. Learned quite a bit. Lots of sibling groups that need placed. But ultimately the county chooses the family that they think would be best for the child, you really don't have much say in the process, other than you'll accept that child/children or not. I've always said that I really want to place this process in God's hands, and going this route certainly would do that. We could end up with a caucasian baby or pre-teen biracial siblings or anything in between. It's a little overwhelming thinking about it.

There are significant financial advantages to going this route. Children who are adopted out of the foster system have their medical insurance covered and also get a stipend from the state for support. PA also covers all adoption fees. There are also a number of local colleges that set aside scholarships for children who are/were in the foster system. We certainly don't want to make this decision based on finances, but the more the state covers the more we have to provide for the children in other ways.

Still not certain, but we're starting to think this is the direction we're supposed to go.

 

[Yippy]

Had our meeting with Bethany today. Met with the woman who works with the SWAN program. Learned quite a bit. Lots of sibling groups that need placed. But ultimately the county chooses the family that they think would be best for the child, you really don't have much say in the process, other than you'll accept that child/children or not. I've always said that I really want to place this process in God's hands, and going this route certainly would do that. We could end up with a caucasian baby or pre-teen biracial siblings or anything in between. It's a little overwhelming thinking about it.

There are significant financial advantages to going this route. Children who are adopted out of the foster system have their medical insurance covered and also get a stipend from the state for support. PA also covers all adoption fees. There are also a number of local colleges that set aside scholarships for children who are/were in the foster system. We certainly don't want to make this decision based on finances, but the more the state covers the more we have to provide for the children in other ways.

Still not certain, but we're starting to think this is the direction we're supposed to go.

actually, aren't you putting it in the county's hands?

 

[Early_10]

Had our meeting with Bethany today. Met with the woman who works with the SWAN program. Learned quite a bit. Lots of sibling groups that need placed. But ultimately the county chooses the family that they think would be best for the child, you really don't have much say in the process, other than you'll accept that child/children or not. I've always said that I really want to place this process in God's hands, and going this route certainly would do that. We could end up with a caucasian baby or pre-teen biracial siblings or anything in between. It's a little overwhelming thinking about it.There are significant financial advantages to going this route. Children who are adopted out of the foster system have their medical insurance covered and also get a stipend from the state for support. PA also covers all adoption fees. There are also a number of local colleges that set aside scholarships for children who are/were in the foster system. We certainly don't want to make this decision based on finances, but the more the state covers the more we have to provide for the children in other ways.Still not certain, but we're starting to think this is the direction we're supposed to go.

I was actually coming in to post that adopting older children is far easier. A friend of ours had 3 siblings placed with her as a foster home. 3 years later she adopted all 3. Here, to adopt you have to go through the same process as fostering which is a very long and detailed process. Once approved as a foster/caregiver home, you can take only children who the director of Child Youth and Family Services think will ultimately be put up for adoption. The waiting list for newborns is still about 10 years but declines rapidly for older children. Anyone willing to adopt a 7 or 8 yr old child could complete the process in about 2 years having the child living with you for more than half of that time.

 

[CrossEyed]

Had our meeting with Bethany today. Met with the woman who works with the SWAN program. Learned quite a bit. Lots of sibling groups that need placed. But ultimately the county chooses the family that they think would be best for the child, you really don't have much say in the process, other than you'll accept that child/children or not. I've always said that I really want to place this process in God's hands, and going this route certainly would do that. We could end up with a caucasian baby or pre-teen biracial siblings or anything in between. It's a little overwhelming thinking about it.There are significant financial advantages to going this route. Children who are adopted out of the foster system have their medical insurance covered and also get a stipend from the state for support. PA also covers all adoption fees. There are also a number of local colleges that set aside scholarships for children who are/were in the foster system. We certainly don't want to make this decision based on finances, but the more the state covers the more we have to provide for the children in other ways.Still not certain, but we're starting to think this is the direction we're supposed to go.

I was actually coming in to post that adopting older children is far easier. A friend of ours had 3 siblings placed with her as a foster home. 3 years later she adopted all 3. Here, to adopt you have to go through the same process as fostering which is a very long and detailed process. Once approved as a foster/caregiver home, you can take only children who the director of Child Youth and Family Services think will ultimately be put up for adoption. The waiting list for newborns is still about 10 years but declines rapidly for older children. Anyone willing to adopt a 7 or 8 yr old child could complete the process in about 2 years having the child living with you for more than half of that time.

Yes, there's a similar process in PA. We have to take something like 20 hours of training, but that can be completed over a month of Saturday sessions. She said that if we are working on the paperwork at the same time we can be an approved family within a couple of months. Then it's a matter of waiting for someone to feel like we're a good fit for a specific child/children. They have to be in your home for 6 months minimum before the parental termination process can take place. Sometimes it takes longer. Their goal is always the return of the child to it's biological parents, assuming they get their act together. But the woman at the agency said they usually have a pretty good idea which children will never end up back in their original homes. She said they have never had any taken back from a prospective adoptive family, although you do take that risk when you do it this way.We are definitely thinking about older children (we'd prefer 5-8 yrs old) because of our ages. I'm 43 and the Mrs. is 42. I think I'd like my child to graduate before I'm a senior citizen.

 

[Early_10]

Had our meeting with Bethany today. Met with the woman who works with the SWAN program. Learned quite a bit. Lots of sibling groups that need placed. But ultimately the county chooses the family that they think would be best for the child, you really don't have much say in the process, other than you'll accept that child/children or not. I've always said that I really want to place this process in God's hands, and going this route certainly would do that. We could end up with a caucasian baby or pre-teen biracial siblings or anything in between. It's a little overwhelming thinking about it.There are significant financial advantages to going this route. Children who are adopted out of the foster system have their medical insurance covered and also get a stipend from the state for support. PA also covers all adoption fees. There are also a number of local colleges that set aside scholarships for children who are/were in the foster system. We certainly don't want to make this decision based on finances, but the more the state covers the more we have to provide for the children in other ways.Still not certain, but we're starting to think this is the direction we're supposed to go.

I was actually coming in to post that adopting older children is far easier. A friend of ours had 3 siblings placed with her as a foster home. 3 years later she adopted all 3. Here, to adopt you have to go through the same process as fostering which is a very long and detailed process. Once approved as a foster/caregiver home, you can take only children who the director of Child Youth and Family Services think will ultimately be put up for adoption. The waiting list for newborns is still about 10 years but declines rapidly for older children. Anyone willing to adopt a 7 or 8 yr old child could complete the process in about 2 years having the child living with you for more than half of that time.

Yes, there's a similar process in PA. We have to take something like 20 hours of training, but that can be completed over a month of Saturday sessions. She said that if we are working on the paperwork at the same time we can be an approved family within a couple of months. Then it's a matter of waiting for someone to feel like we're a good fit for a specific child/children. They have to be in your home for 6 months minimum before the parental termination process can take place. Sometimes it takes longer. Their goal is always the return of the child to it's biological parents, assuming they get their act together. But the woman at the agency said they usually have a pretty good idea which children will never end up back in their original homes. She said they have never had any taken back from a prospective adoptive family, although you do take that risk when you do it this way.We are definitely thinking about older children (we'd prefer 5-8 yrs old) because of our ages. I'm 43 and the Mrs. is 42. I think I'd like my child to graduate before I'm a senior citizen.

There is an age limit here too. I think it's something like you have to be <55 by the time the child is of age so naturally an older child could be adopted by older parents. Might I suggest being firm and deciding ahead of time the criteria you're looking for in a child. If dealing with physical or sexual abuse is outside of your scope, decide that before hand. It can be very damaging for a child to have multiple placements. Coming to live with you and you deciding later that the child is more than you can handle should not be an option. I'm gonna PM you some more detailed thoughts and what we've dealt with so far.

 

[GroveDiesel]

CrossEyed,

I have friends going through the EXACT same process right now in NJ. They basically are at the end of the approval process and should receive final approval in about a week. They actually failed their house inspection because an exterior door in the playroom had a deadbolt that you had to use a key on from the inside. They were VERY thorough on the inspection and there were a LOT of minor details that had to be perfect to get approval. But everything else is basically done for them and now that the lock is changed they will be receiving the approval when they come back out next week.

Good luck. If that's the road you're going, you're doing an awesome thing. It takes a special kind of person to take in an older troubled child and make them their own. I think as Christians, you have the positive of knowing that God has always had that child picked out for you even if you didn't know it.

 

[CrossEyed]

Had our meeting with Bethany today. Met with the woman who works with the SWAN program. Learned quite a bit. Lots of sibling groups that need placed. But ultimately the county chooses the family that they think would be best for the child, you really don't have much say in the process, other than you'll accept that child/children or not. I've always said that I really want to place this process in God's hands, and going this route certainly would do that. We could end up with a caucasian baby or pre-teen biracial siblings or anything in between. It's a little overwhelming thinking about it.There are significant financial advantages to going this route. Children who are adopted out of the foster system have their medical insurance covered and also get a stipend from the state for support. PA also covers all adoption fees. There are also a number of local colleges that set aside scholarships for children who are/were in the foster system. We certainly don't want to make this decision based on finances, but the more the state covers the more we have to provide for the children in other ways.Still not certain, but we're starting to think this is the direction we're supposed to go.

I was actually coming in to post that adopting older children is far easier. A friend of ours had 3 siblings placed with her as a foster home. 3 years later she adopted all 3. Here, to adopt you have to go through the same process as fostering which is a very long and detailed process. Once approved as a foster/caregiver home, you can take only children who the director of Child Youth and Family Services think will ultimately be put up for adoption. The waiting list for newborns is still about 10 years but declines rapidly for older children. Anyone willing to adopt a 7 or 8 yr old child could complete the process in about 2 years having the child living with you for more than half of that time.

Yes, there's a similar process in PA. We have to take something like 20 hours of training, but that can be completed over a month of Saturday sessions. She said that if we are working on the paperwork at the same time we can be an approved family within a couple of months. Then it's a matter of waiting for someone to feel like we're a good fit for a specific child/children. They have to be in your home for 6 months minimum before the parental termination process can take place. Sometimes it takes longer. Their goal is always the return of the child to it's biological parents, assuming they get their act together. But the woman at the agency said they usually have a pretty good idea which children will never end up back in their original homes. She said they have never had any taken back from a prospective adoptive family, although you do take that risk when you do it this way.We are definitely thinking about older children (we'd prefer 5-8 yrs old) because of our ages. I'm 43 and the Mrs. is 42. I think I'd like my child to graduate before I'm a senior citizen.

There is an age limit here too. I think it's something like you have to be <55 by the time the child is of age so naturally an older child could be adopted by older parents. Might I suggest being firm and deciding ahead of time the criteria you're looking for in a child. If dealing with physical or sexual abuse is outside of your scope, decide that before hand. It can be very damaging for a child to have multiple placements. Coming to live with you and you deciding later that the child is more than you can handle should not be an option. I'm gonna PM you some more detailed thoughts and what we've dealt with so far.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[CrossEyed]

CrossEyed,I have friends going through the EXACT same process right now in NJ. They basically are at the end of the approval process and should receive final approval in about a week. They actually failed their house inspection because an exterior door in the playroom had a deadbolt that you had to use a key on from the inside. They were VERY thorough on the inspection and there were a LOT of minor details that had to be perfect to get approval. But everything else is basically done for them and now that the lock is changed they will be receiving the approval when they come back out next week.Good luck. If that's the road you're going, you're doing an awesome thing. It takes a special kind of person to take in an older troubled child and make them their own. I think as Christians, you have the positive of knowing that God has always had that child picked out for you even if you didn't know it.

Cool. I think we'll learn a lot more as we go through the required training. We're going to try to complete that in June. There are 4 Saturday sessions, so hopefully we can clear our schedules and get it done sooner rather than later.

 

[CrossEyed]

Anyone else with any thoughts/advice when it comes to adoption? I have to say that I'm excited about the idea, but it also makes me a little nervous.

 

[Worm]

Anyone else with any thoughts/advice when it comes to adoption? I have to say that I'm excited about the idea, but it also makes me a little nervous.

Without a doubt I think you should go for it. From what I've seen I think you guys have a lot to offer to a child.We have a 20 month old little girl (adopted), and are moving forward with the paperwork for our second adoption. It's the best thing we've ever done. Me and my wife both feel like down the road want to look into adopting an older child or sibling group in need, as there are so many out there. Also, you SHOULD be nervous! It's a scary thing. For me, it would be even more scary in your situation going from no experience with having children to an older child. But, that said, GO FOR IT! You won't EVER regret it.

 

[CrossEyed]

Anyone else with any thoughts/advice when it comes to adoption? I have to say that I'm excited about the idea, but it also makes me a little nervous.

Without a doubt I think you should go for it. From what I've seen I think you guys have a lot to offer to a child.We have a 20 month old little girl (adopted), and are moving forward with the paperwork for our second adoption. It's the best thing we've ever done. Me and my wife both feel like down the road want to look into adopting an older child or sibling group in need, as there are so many out there. Also, you SHOULD be nervous! It's a scary thing. For me, it would be even more scary in your situation going from no experience with having children to an older child. But, that said, GO FOR IT! You won't EVER regret it.

Well there is no doubt that we are moving forward with the process. Mrs. CE is already arranging her June schedule so that we can attend the training sessions.I was more looking for thoughts/advice on what we should be aware of/consider/think through as we go through the process. We have to make decisions regarding the ages of the children, the number of children if we decide to go with a sibling group, the ethnicity of the children, etc.Sometimes you don't think about everything until after the fact. Just trying to do my best to think this thing all the way through.

 

[Clown Car]

I have one friend who adopted 6 kids. The first was an infant female. The second was a group of 5 boys, ages 2-8, who were mixed race and abandoned by their drug using parents one Christmas eve. They didn't know there were 5. They thought they were going to get 2, the youngest. When they got there they found out there were 5 and they were being parceled out because no one would want 5 wayward 1/2 black boys, right? My friends couldn't stand the idea of separating them, so they brought all 5 home. They already had the one adopted daughter (she was 2 at this time) and 5 bio kids. The husband took 2 weeks off of work to be with them. They had no idea how to do anything like shower, brush teeth, speak coherently, obey, pick up stuff. Now, aside from their skin color (which is beautiful, my white daughter has a crush on the 14 yo) you would never know they weren't their bio kids. One child has some CP type problem and learning difficulties.

My friend has homeschooled these kids since she had/got them. So she spent a lot of time with training and character issues. They are 16-10 now. As with any kids, she is still working with training and character issues. She did one thing once called "tomato staking". They literally spent every minute of the day together for a week or 2.

They have a youtube video of their presentation on the Greeks. Let me go find that.

 

[Clown Car]

Here is the link to my friend's you tube video of the adopted kids.

It is about 9 minutes long, but very cute. When you think of where those boys came from, it just makes you so happy they ended up in this family!

 

[Clown Car]

Here is her blog. It doesn't talk much about adoption, but just parenting in general. It may not be what you are looking for, but you may find it rather encouraging.

http://cheaperbythebakersdozen.blogspot.com/

 

[CrossEyed]

I have one friend who adopted 6 kids. The first was an infant female. The second was a group of 5 boys, ages 2-8, who were mixed race and abandoned by their drug using parents one Christmas eve. They didn't know there were 5. They thought they were going to get 2, the youngest. When they got there they found out there were 5 and they were being parceled out because no one would want 5 wayward 1/2 black boys, right? My friends couldn't stand the idea of separating them, so they brought all 5 home. They already had the one adopted daughter (she was 2 at this time) and 5 bio kids. The husband took 2 weeks off of work to be with them. They had no idea how to do anything like shower, brush teeth, speak coherently, obey, pick up stuff. Now, aside from their skin color (which is beautiful, my white daughter has a crush on the 14 yo) you would never know they weren't their bio kids. One child has some CP type problem and learning difficulties.My friend has homeschooled these kids since she had/got them. So she spent a lot of time with training and character issues. They are 16-10 now. As with any kids, she is still working with training and character issues. She did one thing once called "tomato staking". They literally spent every minute of the day together for a week or 2. They have a youtube video of their presentation on the Greeks. Let me go find that.

Wow, God bless them. I can't imagine taking on 5 kids. But I hesitate to say that I wouldn't, because that's when God will tap me on the shoulder and ask me how much I trust Him.

 

[Clown Car]

Remember, though, they already had 6- 1 adopted and 5 bio. And those bio were all 8 and up. So they had a lot of internal help. Did you watch the video? They are an amazing family.

You will be fine. I am sure there are some 2 or 3 sib kids who need families, too!

 

[redman]

I have one friend who adopted 6 kids. The first was an infant female. The second was a group of 5 boys, ages 2-8, who were mixed race and abandoned by their drug using parents one Christmas eve. They didn't know there were 5. They thought they were going to get 2, the youngest. When they got there they found out there were 5 and they were being parceled out because no one would want 5 wayward 1/2 black boys, right? My friends couldn't stand the idea of separating them, so they brought all 5 home. They already had the one adopted daughter (she was 2 at this time) and 5 bio kids. The husband took 2 weeks off of work to be with them. They had no idea how to do anything like shower, brush teeth, speak coherently, obey, pick up stuff. Now, aside from their skin color (which is beautiful, my white daughter has a crush on the 14 yo) you would never know they weren't their bio kids. One child has some CP type problem and learning difficulties.My friend has homeschooled these kids since she had/got them. So she spent a lot of time with training and character issues. They are 16-10 now. As with any kids, she is still working with training and character issues. She did one thing once called "tomato staking". They literally spent every minute of the day together for a week or 2. They have a youtube video of their presentation on the Greeks. Let me go find that.

Incredible story. Wow. I had/have it way easy by comparison.

 

[Bob Wiley]

I can't remember if I posted in here before, but my wife and I are also getting set to adopt. We have our second home study on Wednesday. The first one was just essentially an interview at the agency, but for the second one our case worker comes out to the house. My wife has been furiously cleaning all day today, even though our home is always in immaculate shape. She's so nervous for the home part of the home study. Any thoughts, advice, or experiences people can relay?

 

[Early_10]

I can't remember if I posted in here before, but my wife and I are also getting set to adopt. We have our second home study on Wednesday. The first one was just essentially an interview at the agency, but for the second one our case worker comes out to the house. My wife has been furiously cleaning all day today, even though our home is always in immaculate shape. She's so nervous for the home part of the home study. Any thoughts, advice, or experiences people can relay?

Yeah, relax. They don't care if there is dust on the picture frames. They're more interested in if you freak at the dog cause he barked when the phone rang. If you're normal sane people, just be yourselves. Be honest. We were asked about family relationships and were honest about not getting along with everyone. They'll know when you're lying. They know you're human. Good luck!

 

[Worm]

I can't remember if I posted in here before, but my wife and I are also getting set to adopt. We have our second home study on Wednesday. The first one was just essentially an interview at the agency, but for the second one our case worker comes out to the house. My wife has been furiously cleaning all day today, even though our home is always in immaculate shape. She's so nervous for the home part of the home study. Any thoughts, advice, or experiences people can relay?

Yeah, relax. They don't care if there is dust on the picture frames. They're more interested in if you freak at the dog cause he barked when the phone rang. If you're normal sane people, just be yourselves. Be honest. We were asked about family relationships and were honest about not getting along with everyone. They'll know when you're lying. They know you're human. Good luck!

They don't care about your house unless you have electrical wires sticking into the crib or rusty nails poking out of the floorboards. They just want to visit you in your home and get a feel for your family life. We were in the middle of a bathroom remodel during ours and they didn't care a bit. No sweat.

 

[CrossEyed]

I can't remember if I posted in here before, but my wife and I are also getting set to adopt. We have our second home study on Wednesday. The first one was just essentially an interview at the agency, but for the second one our case worker comes out to the house. My wife has been furiously cleaning all day today, even though our home is always in immaculate shape. She's so nervous for the home part of the home study. Any thoughts, advice, or experiences people can relay?

Yeah, relax. They don't care if there is dust on the picture frames. They're more interested in if you freak at the dog cause he barked when the phone rang. If you're normal sane people, just be yourselves. Be honest. We were asked about family relationships and were honest about not getting along with everyone. They'll know when you're lying. They know you're human. Good luck!

They don't care about your house unless you have electrical wires sticking into the crib or rusty nails poking out of the floorboards. They just want to visit you in your home and get a feel for your family life. We were in the middle of a bathroom remodel during ours and they didn't care a bit. No sweat.

Actually, we were told by a case worker that she gets more concerned when a house is in immaculate shape. She worries about how people will handle a child in that environment when their house gets turned upside down at times. She said she likes to see a home that is clean enough to be healthy, but dirty enough to be lived in.

 

[Giant Wooden Badger]

Finally some good news. Three years after officially starting the process, we received our referral from China today. Looks like we're headed over there in September (or so) to pick up our daughter. She turned 1 in May.

 

[CrossEyed]

Finally some good news. Three years after officially starting the process, we received our referral from China today. Looks like we're headed over there in September (or so) to pick up our daughter. She turned 1 in May.

That is great news! We have some friends who have been in the same process for about the same time period. Hopefully they'll hear something soon.Congratulations!!

 

[GroveDiesel]

Finally some good news. Three years after officially starting the process, we received our referral from China today. Looks like we're headed over there in September (or so) to pick up our daughter. She turned 1 in May. :(

I didn't see this as I was avoiding this thread for a while. The process is just SO long and frustrating! Although in early August we finally asked for and received a checklist from out adoption agency of everything left that we had to do. That was really nice because we felt like we kept sending packets of stuff in and then a few weeks or a month later we'd get another packet that we had to complete. We always thought that we were just about done with all of the paperwork and all of a sudden it'd be something else. So it was starting to get discouraging. But getting a checklist helped us see exactly what had been done and exactly what needed to be done still so that we had an idea of where we were.We just sent in the last bit of paperwork to complete our portfolio. We have about an hour or so left of our adoption training that we need to complete (will probably get done tonight) and the company we used to do our online training will send our education certificate to the agency. So now the agency will put it all together, have it translated, and send it to Taiwan for us. The orphanage there will then go through our portfolio and decide whether or not they believe that we're suitable to adopt to. Once that's done, they'll start looking to match us up with a referral. We also just heard back from the Department of Homeland Security and should find out in a week or two if we're approved to bring a child into the country. Shouldn't be a problem there at all. I'm not sure exactly what the timeframe will be, but I'm thinking anywhere from 6-12 months. The online adoption training that we did was really interesting though. In fact, I'll probably post another post to cover some of that stuff.

 

[Black Box]

Finally some good news. Three years after officially starting the process, we received our referral from China today. Looks like we're headed over there in September (or so) to pick up our daughter. She turned 1 in May.

I didn't see this as I was avoiding this thread for a while. The process is just SO long and frustrating! Although in early August we finally asked for and received a checklist from out adoption agency of everything left that we had to do. That was really nice because we felt like we kept sending packets of stuff in and then a few weeks or a month later we'd get another packet that we had to complete. We always thought that we were just about done with all of the paperwork and all of a sudden it'd be something else. So it was starting to get discouraging. But getting a checklist helped us see exactly what had been done and exactly what needed to be done still so that we had an idea of where we were.We just sent in the last bit of paperwork to complete our portfolio. We have about an hour or so left of our adoption training that we need to complete (will probably get done tonight) and the company we used to do our online training will send our education certificate to the agency. So now the agency will put it all together, have it translated, and send it to Taiwan for us. The orphanage there will then go through our portfolio and decide whether or not they believe that we're suitable to adopt to. Once that's done, they'll start looking to match us up with a referral.

We also just heard back from the Department of Homeland Security and should find out in a week or two if we're approved to bring a child into the country. Shouldn't be a problem there at all.

I'm not sure exactly what the timeframe will be, but I'm thinking anywhere from 6-12 months.

The online adoption training that we did was really interesting though. In fact, I'll probably post another post to cover some of that stuff.

Ra-roh.J/K, GB. They should be falling all over themselves to adopt to ya :(

 

[Giant Wooden Badger]

Finally some good news. Three years after officially starting the process, we received our referral from China today. Looks like we're headed over there in September (or so) to pick up our daughter. She turned 1 in May.

That is great news! We have some friends who have been in the same process for about the same time period. Hopefully they'll hear something soon.Congratulations!! :(

Thanks, CE.Haven't really had a chance to find this thread and give an update. We got back from China in late September. Our daughter is doing extremely well so far. Definitely worth the wait.

 

[Giant Wooden Badger]

Finally some good news. Three years after officially starting the process, we received our referral from China today. Looks like we're headed over there in September (or so) to pick up our daughter. She turned 1 in May. :(

I didn't see this as I was avoiding this thread for a while. The process is just SO long and frustrating! Although in early August we finally asked for and received a checklist from out adoption agency of everything left that we had to do. That was really nice because we felt like we kept sending packets of stuff in and then a few weeks or a month later we'd get another packet that we had to complete. We always thought that we were just about done with all of the paperwork and all of a sudden it'd be something else. So it was starting to get discouraging. But getting a checklist helped us see exactly what had been done and exactly what needed to be done still so that we had an idea of where we were.We just sent in the last bit of paperwork to complete our portfolio. We have about an hour or so left of our adoption training that we need to complete (will probably get done tonight) and the company we used to do our online training will send our education certificate to the agency. So now the agency will put it all together, have it translated, and send it to Taiwan for us. The orphanage there will then go through our portfolio and decide whether or not they believe that we're suitable to adopt to. Once that's done, they'll start looking to match us up with a referral. We also just heard back from the Department of Homeland Security and should find out in a week or two if we're approved to bring a child into the country. Shouldn't be a problem there at all. I'm not sure exactly what the timeframe will be, but I'm thinking anywhere from 6-12 months. The online adoption training that we did was really interesting though. In fact, I'll probably post another post to cover some of that stuff.

Good luck, man. I'm sure everything will go well.

 

[Worm]

Finally some good news. Three years after officially starting the process, we received our referral from China today. Looks like we're headed over there in September (or so) to pick up our daughter. She turned 1 in May.

That is great news! We have some friends who have been in the same process for about the same time period. Hopefully they'll hear something soon.Congratulations!! :(

Thanks, CE.Haven't really had a chance to find this thread and give an update. We got back from China in late September. Our daughter is doing extremely well so far. Definitely worth the wait.

Awesome. Congrats!

 

[Worm]

Well, we're about to go into the "waiting phase" for our second domestic adoption (just finishing up our family album). Last time we were matched with a birthmother in about a month and a half and brought our daughter home a month later. We are trying to prepare ourselves to wait a lot longer this time as the first one was unusually quick. I'm hoping the waiting will be a lot less stressful this time around.

 

[GroveDiesel]

Lot of interesting things in the adoption training. Some of the training felt kind of useless and some of it my wife and I even disagreed with, but overall it was a lot of good stuff.

Lots of good info on attachment with the child. One of their recommendations seemed pretty extreme though. Although we both agreed that if, after further research, it seemed like this was the typical recommendation, that we would go ahead and do it. They said that once we get back, there should be NO contact with anyone else for the first two weeks. No family or friends should be allowed to meet the child, no taking the child outside of the house, just contact between parents and child. They said that this was crucial to creating the attachment between child and caregiver, otherwise the child may be confused and not create the needed attachment between child and parents.

There also was a lot of good information about traveling. For some reason I hadn't though about starting to get immunizations done already. But some of those need to be done quite a bit in advance. It also included good perspectives on how different things are going to seem for our child at first and how much of an adjustment it will be. Some of it I hadn't really considered before. The food will be different, the language will be different, many sights and sounds will be different, etc.

Another thing that we didn't particularly like was the admonition that we essentially needed to move to an area that is predominantly our child's culture, send him/her to a school with children predominantly of that culture, and make new friends that are all that culture. I'm fully ok with exposing our child to his cultural background, but I refuse to pigeonhole him/her. If he/she is curious and wants to learn more, we'll do whatever we can to foster that. But ultimately, we want our child to feel like his skin color and the way he looks is a physical trait more than anything else.

 

[Worm]

Lot of interesting things in the adoption training. Some of the training felt kind of useless and some of it my wife and I even disagreed with, but overall it was a lot of good stuff.

Lots of good info on attachment with the child. One of their recommendations seemed pretty extreme though. Although we both agreed that if, after further research, it seemed like this was the typical recommendation, that we would go ahead and do it. They said that once we get back, there should be NO contact with anyone else for the first two weeks. No family or friends should be allowed to meet the child, no taking the child outside of the house, just contact between parents and child. They said that this was crucial to creating the attachment between child and caregiver, otherwise the child may be confused and not create the needed attachment between child and parents.

There also was a lot of good information about traveling. For some reason I hadn't though about starting to get immunizations done already. But some of those need to be done quite a bit in advance. It also included good perspectives on how different things are going to seem for our child at first and how much of an adjustment it will be. Some of it I hadn't really considered before. The food will be different, the language will be different, many sights and sounds will be different, etc.

Another thing that we didn't particularly like was the admonition that we essentially needed to move to an area that is predominantly our child's culture, send him/her to a school with children predominantly of that culture, and make new friends that are all that culture. I'm fully ok with exposing our child to his cultural background, but I refuse to pigeonhole him/her. If he/she is curious and wants to learn more, we'll do whatever we can to foster that. But ultimately, we want our child to feel like his skin color and the way he looks is a physical trait more than anything else.

Agreed on the bolded. There have been lots of things that I disagreed with in some of the "training" we've been to.We actually have to sign something with our agency that no one outside the household would hold the baby until the legal risk period is over (in NC it's 7 days). This is more for health reasons, but they also stressed that secluding the baby with the parents for 2-4 weeks is ideal for attachment reasons. Now, after having been through a newborn adoption once already, I don't buy into this. I agree that the parents should be the caregivers (feeding, changing, responding to needs) for the baby during this period, but I don't think that letting my parents or my wife's parents hold the baby for 10 minutes here and there will affect attachment one bit.

 

[Black Box]

GD, worm> Is it all based on the attachment theory of parenting? That probably deserves its own thread.

Attachment Theory

 

[GroveDiesel]

Lot of interesting things in the adoption training. Some of the training felt kind of useless and some of it my wife and I even disagreed with, but overall it was a lot of good stuff.

Lots of good info on attachment with the child. One of their recommendations seemed pretty extreme though. Although we both agreed that if, after further research, it seemed like this was the typical recommendation, that we would go ahead and do it. They said that once we get back, there should be NO contact with anyone else for the first two weeks. No family or friends should be allowed to meet the child, no taking the child outside of the house, just contact between parents and child. They said that this was crucial to creating the attachment between child and caregiver, otherwise the child may be confused and not create the needed attachment between child and parents.

There also was a lot of good information about traveling. For some reason I hadn't though about starting to get immunizations done already. But some of those need to be done quite a bit in advance. It also included good perspectives on how different things are going to seem for our child at first and how much of an adjustment it will be. Some of it I hadn't really considered before. The food will be different, the language will be different, many sights and sounds will be different, etc.

Another thing that we didn't particularly like was the admonition that we essentially needed to move to an area that is predominantly our child's culture, send him/her to a school with children predominantly of that culture, and make new friends that are all that culture. I'm fully ok with exposing our child to his cultural background, but I refuse to pigeonhole him/her. If he/she is curious and wants to learn more, we'll do whatever we can to foster that. But ultimately, we want our child to feel like his skin color and the way he looks is a physical trait more than anything else.

Agreed on the bolded. There have been lots of things that I disagreed with in some of the "training" we've been to.We actually have to sign something with our agency that no one outside the household would hold the baby until the legal risk period is over (in NC it's 7 days). This is more for health reasons, but they also stressed that secluding the baby with the parents for 2-4 weeks is ideal for attachment reasons. Now, after having been through a newborn adoption once already, I don't buy into this. I agree that the parents should be the caregivers (feeding, changing, responding to needs) for the baby during this period, but I don't think that letting my parents or my wife's parents hold the baby for 10 minutes here and there will affect attachment one bit.

Yeah, we're really going to have to look into that one a lot more. We want to do what's best for us and our child, but it just seems silly to say that if grandparents meet the child right away that our child won't be able to create that attachment with us. Obviously we don't want grandma and grandpa living with us and constantly holding the child, but coming and initially meeing their grandchild doesn't seem like it would really have that large of an impact. One of the funny things was that it was very specific that NOBODY else should hold the child for the first 2 weeks. And then it said in another section that you have to make sure to get a medical checkup within 10-14 days. Well, unless my math is off, a doctor would be holding and checking my kid within 2 weeks if it was 10 days.Although maybe one thing that we can do is plan on staying in Taiwan for a few extra days after the adoption. That would give us time to bond with our child in an environment that is a little more familiar for him/her while also allowing us to soak in a little more of his/her cultural background.

My wife and I definitely want to read up more about the while thing though and find out what the experts say. Just as importantly (or maybe moreso) we want to talk to as many families that we can that have adopted and find out what their experience has been.