****Official**** depression thread (2 Viewers)

[Samuel L Bronkowitz]

I have a consultation on the 21st with the cardiologist. My doc says I might need a TEE. I guess that's where they actually shove the echo thing down your throat so they can get a better look from the inside.

Sorry to hear GB RS. I ship ultrasound equipment and TEE probes are no joke. The technology has probably gotten better (read smaller) in the past 5 years but the last time I saw one it was pretty big. At least 1/3" - 1/2" in diameter.That said, I know the ultrasound technology is awesome nowdays. GE has one now that is the size of an iPod. You'll be in good hands and the imaging is better than ever.

 

[datonn]

Oof. This is a depressing thread. Sorry to hear what folks are going through. I've told my story in other threads before, but I figured this was a good place to share as well.

Background as a kid: My parents had a miserable marriage. Married around 35 years...but divorced when I was in my late 30s. My Dad was MIA most of my childhood. He was physically around, but he wanted nothing to do with me. I play with my daughters more in a month than he did my entire childhood. Fortunately, an uncle and my grandparents filled in admirably for "Dad" as a child, while my Mom did her best to be both parents as well. My Dad later attempted suicide and was diagnosed as a severe bipolar. We speak 2-3 times per year...but usually only when we are in the same place for the holidays or when he calls me wanting something.

Background the past 6-7 years: My wife's mom passed away after a seven year battle with leukemia, and a year later, we lost our "middle child" in the womb. That took some stress of being new(er) parents, living in a new town, living in a major fixer-upper and spiraled it out of control. My wife got lots of help from her family, friends and a counselor...while I essentially suffered/grieved alone. That is, when I wasn't working myself to death to generate 90-95% of our income and doing the vast majority of our home renovation work alone.

Background recently: My wife and I have gone to marriage counseling off and on for two years. We both still love each other! However, neither of us has really been there for the other while we've suffered in our own private hell (I lost both of my paternal grandparents who helped be "Dad" to me growing up within a couple years of the other deaths I mentioned). I think my wife is getting healthy again...but I am a mess. A burned out workaholic who is still sad/angry over some of what I've experienced the past 40 years, who has a hard time smiling and laughing anymore, much less be a great husband and Dad.

I've been seeing a counselor myself for a while too, and she's basically told me "either you start taking care of yourself, or your body or your mind will shut down." Even before she told me that, however, I could feel it. Like one of those wind-up toys that has about a half a turn left before it won't work anymore. That's me...only what I need to do to take care of myself (a healthy vacation/break from work, more time for hobbies and exercise, more time with my uncle and my cousins, who were like little brothers to me growing up) are things that I feel would leave my marriage and our finances in ruins.

It's not that we're not doing okay! We're living the dream on-paper. Not a lot of money, but a comfortable life doing the work we want to do, with ample time to be Mom and Dad to our kids and zero debt. It's just that I'm so burned out on work, parenthood, home improvements, everything that about all you'll find left of me is charred ashes.

My wife tells me "take a break...go off for a long weekend with a few friends of yours...go backpack across Europe to find yourself!" Okay, joking about the last one. It's really hard though...as while we have a good life financially, we're not in a situation where I can take a month or two off work and not put us in a significant financial bind. So I put off taking care of me in lieu of not having the stress of wondering how to make financial ends meet...to the point where it hurts my marriage, my daughters wonder why "Daddy" is so tired/sad all the time, and I barely have the energy to chat-up the neighbors or socialize with friends/family.

Long story short, I am in the fight of my life. Factor in me (CEO) needing to replace an important person who is in the process of transitioning out of our small company (with no good, current options), and us being very close to landing the largest contract in our firm's history which would require literally hundreds of "extra" hours of my attention and some possible overseas travel in the coming months, and it's hard seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

So that's me. Not clinically "depressed," but darned close...with two counselors telling me I'd better pay attention to my body/mind and give myself more of a break, or I am going to have some serious issues in my future. Middle class sure beats being poor (and I've been POOR in my lifetime)! That said, it's just tough when I always feel like I'm $10,000-$15,000 shy of being able to take care of myself and really take care of my marriage. I do my darnedest with my girls...but I'm a D- husband and an F- person (at taking care of myself). My wife wasn't there for me either while she was going through the loss of her Mom and our child. However, I'm not in control of her actions...only my own. So I'm trying to focus on owning the things I can actually control.

Whew. Sorry to dump more "happiness" on people. Just thought this was a good place/opportunity to share.

 

[RudiStein]

I have a consultation on the 21st with the cardiologist. My doc says I might need a TEE. I guess that's where they actually shove the echo thing down your throat so they can get a better look from the inside.

Sorry to hear GB RS. I ship ultrasound equipment and TEE probes are no joke. The technology has probably gotten better (read smaller) in the past 5 years but the last time I saw one it was pretty big. At least 1/3" - 1/2" in diameter.That said, I know the ultrasound technology is awesome nowdays. GE has one now that is the size of an iPod. You'll be in good hands and the imaging is better than ever.

Yeah the doc said that they sedate you for the TEE. Good times.

 

[krista4]

GLLLLLLLLLGBRudiStein. :(

datonn, I'm really sorry to read your story. Sounds like you're doing everything you can to make it better, and even if you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, it will be there.

 

[Man In The Box]

I have a consultation on the 21st with the cardiologist. My doc says I might need a TEE. I guess that's where they actually shove the echo thing down your throat so they can get a better look from the inside.

Sorry to hear GB RS. I ship ultrasound equipment and TEE probes are no joke. The technology has probably gotten better (read smaller) in the past 5 years but the last time I saw one it was pretty big. At least 1/3" - 1/2" in diameter.That said, I know the ultrasound technology is awesome nowdays. GE has one now that is the size of an iPod. You'll be in good hands and the imaging is better than ever.

Yeah the doc said that they sedate you for the TEE. Good times.

My wife had this done about a year ago. They do indeed sedate you for this. It went pretty smoothly and took about 45 minutes total. Good luck with everything Rudi.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Oh man. PM me if there is anything I can do to help, brother. ####

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Whew. Sorry to dump more "happiness" on people. Just thought this was a good place/opportunity to share.

That really sucks dude but that what is this thread is for. Get it out of your system. I hope things turn around for you.Bob

 

[Thorn]

Dang. gll Rudi hopefully gettting it early will be a really good thing.

datonn I wonder if maybe you're not living within your means? Not that I know hardly anything about your situation, but it seems like if you had a few hundy extra a month maybe life wouldn't seem so stressful?

 

[guru_007]

 

[datonn]

datonn I wonder if maybe you're not living within your means? Not that I know hardly anything about your situation, but it seems like if you had a few hundy extra a month maybe life wouldn't seem so stressful?

Hey Thorn!Actually, I have the opposite problem, I think. I get stressed out by the thought of spending $2-$3 buying my girls a popcorn when we go to watch a high school basketball game, or thinking too much about the $10-$15 it costs my wife and I to even run to a place like Subway 1-2 times/month if we are free from parenthood for a couple hours and neither of us feels like cooking or doing dishes.

It's probably some form of mental "issue." However, everything I do in my life has a price tag attached. If I go play in a disc golf tournament for a weekend? I think about the $20 entry fee and the $30 in gas it cost me to get there...with me then pressuring myself to play well enough to the point to earn that $50 back. And if I don't play well enough to earn it back, I feel guilty for spending the day doing something that is supposed to be fun...because it cost my family $20-??? on top of the money I could have made had I just stayed home and worked those 6-7 hours.

As an exercise with the counselor we've been seeing, we were asked to create a budget of how we (my wife and I) each spend our 168 hours/week of time, how much income we generate, and how much we spend. It was per my request. I spend less than $500/year on me. I still remember the last time I bought myself a new item of clothing...a new shirt when I was getting ready to give a talk at a conference in San Diego in 2005! Anything I spend on my favorite hobby (disc golf) comes from either tourney winnings or birthday money (parents usually just give me a bit of cash and tell me to buy something I'll enjoy).

I think it's mostly because I'm it, financially, for my family of four. If I'm not making money, we aren't affording heat, groceries, etc. My wife will pitch-in financially and help with our business. However, most of the stress of making sure we've got enough to live on falls on me...with my wife burying her head in the sand every time I bring up issues such as retirement or a college fund for the girls. She said she didn't sleep soundly for three nights after we started the budgeting exercise a few weeks ago! I said "yep, welcome to my world." Only for me, I don't have the option of burying my head in the sand, snap my fingers and viola! There's the money I need in our short-term savings account for paying bills.

It frustrates me too, as I am very good/smart when it comes to money and investments. It sounds mean, but if my wife were half as good with that type of stuff as I am, I'd have what I need to hire more help, take more time off work, etc. But as it is, if she sees $1,000 in the checkbook, she sees $1,000 that can be spent on food (luxuries, not groceries), clothing, activities with the girls, junk we don't need for around the house, etc. In that sense though, I'm screwed either way. If I lay down the law and turn into the Soup Nazi related to budgets/money, I'm living in a ratty apartment while she's living in the house I paid for with my kids...shaking me down for checks. And if I don't lay down the law? Then I never feel as though I have the freedom (financially) to take care of myself. Not throwing money in the fireplace! But just being able to take a fun trip or two a year and not worry about the mess I'll find in our bank statements when I get home. Spending money on seeing people and buying "things" helped her cope with all the loss she had to deal with the past several years! She just, I think, refuses to accept/acknowledge the toll of her spending FAR more than she personally earns on me personally and on our relationship.

 

[sjacksonfan]

Rudistein, one of my best friends had something similar a few years ago. The doctor heard something odd when he listened to his heart, saw something off in the EKG. The doctor thought he may have had a hole in his heart. Anyway, after a visit to the cardiologist, he checked out fine. He sure was freaked out about it though. I hope everything turns out OK.

datonn, being responsible is one thing but you seem completely obsessed with money and your finances. Just an opinion from an outsider. Obviously I don't know everything about you but what's that all about? It's natural to worry a bit about the future and your finances, especially with a family, but you take it to a place that sounds crazy unhealthy. I can hear the obsessive thinking in what you're writing here. What kind of life is that? Maybe instead of constantly worrying about your budget, you allow yourself only a small window of time per week to think about it? Easier said than done, I know. You have zero debt, a family, a job/business...maybe think about the positives instead of worrying about worst case scenarios. If you're obsessing over the few dollars you spend at Subway once a month, something is way, way off.

 

[Thorn]

Rudistein, one of my best friends had something similar a few years ago. The doctor heard something odd when he listened to his heart, saw something off in the EKG. The doctor thought he may have had a hole in his heart. Anyway, after a visit to the cardiologist, he checked out fine. He sure was freaked out about it though. I hope everything turns out OK.datonn, being responsible is one thing but you seem completely obsessed with money and your finances. Just an opinion from an outsider. Obviously I don't know everything about you but what's that all about? It's natural to worry a bit about the future and your finances, especially with a family, but you take it to a place that sounds crazy unhealthy. I can hear the obsessive thinking in what you're writing here. What kind of life is that? Maybe instead of constantly worrying about your budget, you allow yourself only a small window of time per week to think about it? Easier said than done, I know. You have zero debt, a family, a job/business...maybe think about the positives instead of worrying about worst case scenarios. If you're obsessing over the few dollars you spend at Subway once a month, something is way, way off.

I asked whether they were living within their means and I got 5 paragraphs about money but no answer to the question.

 

[sjacksonfan]

datonn I wonder if maybe you're not living within your means? Not that I know hardly anything about your situation, but it seems like if you had a few hundy extra a month maybe life wouldn't seem so stressful?

I'll go out on a limb and say if datonn had millions of dollars in the bank he'd still be stressing and obsessing over his finances. The exact thoughts he has now may be different but the level of stress and obsessive thinking would be similar. I'm no doctor but it sounds like an anxiety disorder.

 

[datonn]

datonn, being responsible is one thing but you seem completely obsessed with money and your finances. Just an opinion from an outsider. Obviously I don't know everything about you but what's that all about? It's natural to worry a bit about the future and your finances, especially with a family, but you take it to a place that sounds crazy unhealthy. I can hear the obsessive thinking in what you're writing here. What kind of life is that? Maybe instead of constantly worrying about your budget, you allow yourself only a small window of time per week to think about it? Easier said than done, I know. You have zero debt, a family, a job/business...maybe think about the positives instead of worrying about worst case scenarios. If you're obsessing over the few dollars you spend at Subway once a month, something is way, way off.

Yep, I know. I think it is a combination of a lot of things. My parents living on the brink financially for most of my childhood. i.e. getting paid on Friday, paying bills to keep their car, buy groceries, pay for gas/electric, etc. and having $7 in the checkbook that had to last us for two weeks until the next pay day. Me having to work 20-25 hours/week during the school year and 55-60+ hours/week in the Summers while taking 16-18+ credits/semester (along with Summer Term and J-Term) just to afford to stay in school. Me being placed in a home (for free) via Lutheran Social Services to help a blind elderly woman with her household chores, shopping, errands, etc. after college because I couldn't even afford an apartment with a couple roommates while I was paying off school loans. Etc.Debt is slavery to me. I don't say that lightly either. I really mean DEBT EQUALS SLAVERY. If I owe you $50, it will grind on me until I've paid you that $50 and we're back to square. Guess that makes me the opposite of people who can just walk away from an upside down mortgage or declare bankruptcy after living "rent free" for several months before they get kicked out of their home.

Never said it was a healthy, rational approach to the issue. I just said it is how *I* approach the issue.

 

[sjacksonfan]

datonn, being responsible is one thing but you seem completely obsessed with money and your finances. Just an opinion from an outsider. Obviously I don't know everything about you but what's that all about? It's natural to worry a bit about the future and your finances, especially with a family, but you take it to a place that sounds crazy unhealthy. I can hear the obsessive thinking in what you're writing here. What kind of life is that? Maybe instead of constantly worrying about your budget, you allow yourself only a small window of time per week to think about it? Easier said than done, I know. You have zero debt, a family, a job/business...maybe think about the positives instead of worrying about worst case scenarios. If you're obsessing over the few dollars you spend at Subway once a month, something is way, way off.

Yep, I know. I think it is a combination of a lot of things. My parents living on the brink financially for most of my childhood. i.e. getting paid on Friday, paying bills to keep their car, buy groceries, pay for gas/electric, etc. and having $7 in the checkbook that had to last us for two weeks until the next pay day. Me having to work 20-25 hours/week during the school year and 55-60+ hours/week in the Summers while taking 16-18+ credits/semester (along with Summer Term and J-Term) just to afford to stay in school. Me being placed in a home (for free) via Lutheran Social Services to help a blind elderly woman with her household chores, shopping, errands, etc. after college because I couldn't even afford an apartment with a couple roommates while I was paying off school loans. Etc.Debt is slavery to me. I don't say that lightly either. I really mean DEBT EQUALS SLAVERY. If I owe you $50, it will grind on me until I've paid you that $50 and we're back to square. Guess that makes me the opposite of people who can just walk away from an upside down mortgage or declare bankruptcy after living "rent free" for several months before they get kicked out of their home.

Never said it was a healthy, rational approach to the issue. I just said it is how *I* approach the issue.

If you can see that it's not a rational or healthy approach, that's a good first step. Now the next step would be to completely change your approach but that's going to take some help. You're definitely not going to be able to do that alone. Life is short. You deserve a better quality of life than just obsessing over your finances. We only have so much precious time here. Obviously delving into what was going on when you were a kid seems like a must-do. Even saying that your parents were living on the brink for most of your childhood, that's a red flag that you were even aware of your parents finances. Even in the poorest of families, kids normally don't take on a heavy emotional burden over family finances. Were you blamed in some way for this endless money shortage? It sounds like you began really worrying about money at a very young (and obviously too young) age and that worrying never stopped and got worse. And this "debt equals slavery" business....you know what equals slavery? Slavery! Debt is debt. I don't like owing people money either but let's put it in perspective. You're putting so much pressure on yourself to be this ultra-responsible individual in terms of your finances that it's prohibiting you from being responsible in other aspects of your life, namely with how treat yourself. Again, I don't know you but to say that you're hard on yourself may be the biggest understatement in the history of the internet.

Guess that makes me the opposite of people who can just walk away from an upside down mortgage or declare bankruptcy after living "rent free" for several months before they get kicked out of their home.

Who's voice is that? Is that something your mom or dad would say? Being financially responsible does not mean you have to obsess over money...and if you stop constantly worrying about money, that doesn't mean you're going to turn into one of "those" people that you've referenced above. I wish you luck and hope you can get a handle on this anxiety. It sounds like a real ##### but it's treatable and it can and will get better if you seek help for it. I really hope you do.

 

[datonn]

I'm working on it, sjacksonfan. Seeing a counselor on my own was a big step for me...and my wife and I are openly and regularly talking about a lot of the issues we struggle with, even if we don't always agree and/or it makes us uncomfortable to talk about certain things.

The person I'm seeing says I need a break. A major, extended break. Not a "weekend with the boys" away from my wife and daughters. Like, 2-3+ months somewhere where I don't need to worry about much else besides getting me in-order. She suggested trying a several-week stay at my cabin...but it's pretty "rustic" and this time of year it would be a challenge just to survive (up in Northern Minnesota, about 15 miles from the closest town). I've also thought about heading somewhere warm with a beach and just existing for several weeks between body surfing and searching for cool shells...sleeping in a tent or ??? if I had to.

My wife and I are also trying to get some time away...just the two of us. I've told her I don't care where (other than Iran, Iraq or North Korea, lol)! Just as long as it involves us getting away from all the stress of life...preferably with a king-size bed and housecleaning staff who won't knock/pester constantly if we've put the Do Not Disturb thing on the door.

We're trying to take other "baby steps" too, such as tonight. The kids are at Grandmas for a sleepover, and my wife and I plan to do nothing other than lay around on the couch, watch a movie or two, and engage in a little "inappropriate behavior." Sounds like nothing, but for us, that's a big deal...getting time alone to try and rekindle what we had when we first got married. That's what I need about ten-times more of. It'll probably take years to get myself back to "right," but I/we are at least trying.

 

[sjacksonfan]

I'm working on it, sjacksonfan....

That's all you can do. One thing, the "getting away for 2-3 months"...what about at an inpatient facility that specializes in anxiety disorder? I think spending that time on your own in a remote cabin would be nice, but the obsessive thoughts are going to return when the break is over. Treatment can provide you with tools and a plan for how to deal with this. I'd talk to my doctor/counselor if you have adequate health insurance.

 

[General Malaise]

I'm not a cocker spaniel that needs to be tricked into 'going for a ride, boy!' when it's time to go to the vet.

You'll be just fine, GB. Like they said, best they caught it now.

 

[datonn]

That's all you can do. One thing, the "getting away for 2-3 months"...what about at an inpatient facility that specializes in anxiety disorder? I think spending that time on your own in a remote cabin would be nice, but the obsessive thoughts are going to return when the break is over. Treatment can provide you with tools and a plan for how to deal with this. I'd talk to my doctor/counselor if you have adequate health insurance.

That is an option too, sjacksonfan. In fact, part of me would welcome that...as I know I'd benefit from the time around other people recovering from similar issues too. My counselor seems to think I'm not to that point though, at least not to the point of crisis where it is an absolute necessity. She thinks there are other ways I can "right the ship" without needing to check myself in to one of those types of "halfway houses" where you get some individual and group therapy, as well as plenty of time alone to try and "unwind" and get all those physical/mental knots out.The way she's kind of described it to me, I'm not sick, but I'm not well. "Sick" being something clinical...where only medication or checking in to some place will make me better. "Not well" being more behavioral...something I can correct on my own (with help/coaching) if I'm willing to acknowledge the problem(s) and take steps to correct them.I love my wife even more than I have through this whole process though. It's hard on her...as she has days she's at her wit's end too. However, she knows that if I don't start taking better care of me (and she doesn't give/concede on a few bones of contention between us), our marriage is doomed. Either we'll devolve to the point where we cannot co-exist, or I'll eventually have a physical/mental break-down and leave her to deal with all her stress AND a lot of the stresses I've shielded her from over the years as well. She's talking a good talk, and starting to get better at walking. And if she's got my back, I think I've got a good chance of no longer being "not well" once I can take care of a few things.

 

[desert rose]

Went to the doctor today. I went in for a check-up about 5-6 weeks ago. There was a little blip on my EKG. Doctor didn't think it was much but figured he have me take an echocardiogram (whatever). So I did it about 10 days ago. I hadn't heard anything so I figured that was good news.Wrong. Dr's office called Wed and wanted me to come in so I knew it wasn't good. Doc tells me today that I have biatrial enlargement. Top two top chambers of my heart are enlarged. The doctor seemed a little puzzled by it. I asked him if this was something related to lifestyle (smoking, being overweight, diet etc). He said something to the effect of "probably not...it's probably something more like a faulty valve or you might have even been born with a hole in your heart".So all these years of not taking great care of myself and my ticker could be screwed by pure nature. I've been exercising and cutting some weight and some damn birth defect sucker punches me. I have a consultation on the 21st with the cardiologist. My doc says I might need a TEE. I guess that's where they actually shove the echo thing down your throat so they can get a better look from the inside. I did some research on the biatrial enlargement thing but I have no idea how serious it is. No clue if what the treatment is. One the bright side the doc said something like "well it's better we found out now instead of in 10 years and we're trying to figure out why your heart is going out." Man I hate to ##### about health stuff. I know there are people out there with a lot worse. But I haven't been in the hospital since I had my tonsils out when I was 4. I guess I've been lucky but I suppose I've just never had to really think about serious health stuff in a real sense.

My cousin, not even 40 yet, had a stroke caused by a birth defect hole in his heart he never knew about. It's probably a really good thing they found it now when they can fix it before you start having problems. Best of luck.

 

[RudiStein]

Thanks everyone. In reality I'm not really depressed. I'll just take things as they come. Today I'm going to perform a marriage, come home, cook some steaks, and then get drunk while I watch UFC.

Tomorrow: Football. I'm more worried about my Bears than my heart.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Thanks everyone. In reality I'm not really depressed. I'll just take things as they come. Today I'm going to perform a marriage, come home, cook some steaks, and then get drunk while I watch UFC. Tomorrow: Football. I'm more worried about my Bears than my heart.

I'm glad you have your priorities straight GB.

 

[YSR]

Thanks everyone. In reality I'm not really depressed. I'll just take things as they come. Today I'm going to perform a marriage, come home, cook some steaks, and then get drunk while I watch UFC.

Will there be chat?

Tomorrow: Football. I'm more worried about my Bears than my heart.

Possible correlation?

 

[RudiStein]

Thanks everyone. In reality I'm not really depressed. I'll just take things as they come. Today I'm going to perform a marriage, come home, cook some steaks, and then get drunk while I watch UFC.

Will there be chat?

Tomorrow: Football. I'm more worried about my Bears than my heart.

Possible correlation?

Sorry no chat. Actually bought the fights tonight. Watched with the wife and one kid.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

My BFF's fiance's Mom died this morning. About 3-4 months ago fiance noticed that her Mom seemed a little off. Mom goes to the doctor and finds out she has inoperable brain cancer.

:(

f-u cancer, f-u

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Jesus, not again.I just got this e-mail from my Dad about one of his best friends.

Subject: LeeMrs. Lee just called me and asked me too call him to try and cheer him up a bit. So I just spoke to him a few minutes ago,he has been in Depaul Hospital for a week.His blood sugar dropped to 8( he said 40 is considered dangerously low),and his kidneys shut down. They are not sure if the 2 are related. He has taken dialysis 4 times. All he knows for sure is that one minute a week ago he was laying in his bedroom,the next minute he woke in Depaul's emergency room-spooky,huh ?? He is in decent spirits,but just wants to be out of the hospital.

 

[RudiStein]

Back from the cardiologist. No huge news...actually no bad/worse news.

First of all the enlargement isn't all that "enlarged". I don't remember the exact numbers but if one chamber of the heart is supposed to be something like 4cm mine is 4.1cm. I also have no other signs of cardiovascular disease.

Didn't do the transesophageal echocardiogram today. Doc says that since I have no symptoms we'll just do another Echo but with the saline dye thingamabob on Jan 3. Also says my valves are fine. But still the chance that I have atrial septal defect (ASD) or "hole in the heart". My regular doctor said that this probably isn't lifestyle related. But cardio doc said it could be related to smoking since it jacks with your lungs etc. So Chantix starts Jan 1 (which I should have done anyway).

Both my regular doc and the cardio have had the attitude of "yeah this isn't good but it's not like you're going to keel over". Everything has been sort of "hmmm...let's check this out. If we find something we'll fix it."

 

[Sheriff Bart]

Back from the cardiologist. No huge news...actually no bad/worse news.

First of all the enlargement isn't all that "enlarged". I don't remember the exact numbers but if one chamber of the heart is supposed to be something like 4cm mine is 4.1cm. I also have no other signs of cardiovascular disease.

Didn't do the transesophageal echocardiogram today. Doc says that since I have no symptoms we'll just do another Echo but with the saline dye thingamabob on Jan 3. Also says my valves are fine. But still the chance that I have atrial septal defect (ASD) or "hole in the heart". My regular doctor said that this probably isn't lifestyle related. But cardio doc said it could be related to smoking since it jacks with your lungs etc. So Chantix starts Jan 1 (which I should have done anyway).

Both my regular doc and the cardio have had the attitude of "yeah this isn't good but it's not like you're going to keel over". Everything has been sort of "hmmm...let's check this out. If we find something we'll fix it."

Really, really, glad to hear it GB,

 

[El Floppo]

Back from the cardiologist. No huge news...actually no bad/worse news.

First of all the enlargement isn't all that "enlarged". I don't remember the exact numbers but if one chamber of the heart is supposed to be something like 4cm mine is 4.1cm. I also have no other signs of cardiovascular disease.

Didn't do the transesophageal echocardiogram today. Doc says that since I have no symptoms we'll just do another Echo but with the saline dye thingamabob on Jan 3. Also says my valves are fine. But still the chance that I have atrial septal defect (ASD) or "hole in the heart". My regular doctor said that this probably isn't lifestyle related. But cardio doc said it could be related to smoking since it jacks with your lungs etc. So Chantix starts Jan 1 (which I should have done anyway).

Both my regular doc and the cardio have had the attitude of "yeah this isn't good but it's not like you're going to keel over". Everything has been sort of "hmmm...let's check this out. If we find something we'll fix it."

Really, really, glad to hear it GB,

 

[RudiStein]

 

[YSR]

Back from the cardiologist. No huge news...actually no bad/worse news.

First of all the enlargement isn't all that "enlarged". I don't remember the exact numbers but if one chamber of the heart is supposed to be something like 4cm mine is 4.1cm. I also have no other signs of cardiovascular disease.

Didn't do the transesophageal echocardiogram today. Doc says that since I have no symptoms we'll just do another Echo but with the saline dye thingamabob on Jan 3. Also says my valves are fine. But still the chance that I have atrial septal defect (ASD) or "hole in the heart". My regular doctor said that this probably isn't lifestyle related. But cardio doc said it could be related to smoking since it jacks with your lungs etc. So Chantix starts Jan 1 (which I should have done anyway).

Both my regular doc and the cardio have had the attitude of "yeah this isn't good but it's not like you're going to keel over". Everything has been sort of "hmmm...let's check this out. If we find something we'll fix it."

Really, really, glad to hear it GB,

x2But lots of big words in there, guy.

Also, had NO idea you smoked. I used to do so when drinking (so, you know, all the time). You can quit cold turkey if you have enough reason to do so. Mine = moving in with MAJOR non-smoker versus yours = possibly contributing to heart disease... I think you've got this.

 

[Sheriff Bart]

Back from the cardiologist. No huge news...actually no bad/worse news.

First of all the enlargement isn't all that "enlarged". I don't remember the exact numbers but if one chamber of the heart is supposed to be something like 4cm mine is 4.1cm. I also have no other signs of cardiovascular disease.

Didn't do the transesophageal echocardiogram today. Doc says that since I have no symptoms we'll just do another Echo but with the saline dye thingamabob on Jan 3. Also says my valves are fine. But still the chance that I have atrial septal defect (ASD) or "hole in the heart". My regular doctor said that this probably isn't lifestyle related. But cardio doc said it could be related to smoking since it jacks with your lungs etc. So Chantix starts Jan 1 (which I should have done anyway).

Both my regular doc and the cardio have had the attitude of "yeah this isn't good but it's not like you're going to keel over". Everything has been sort of "hmmm...let's check this out. If we find something we'll fix it."

Really, really, glad to hear it GB,

x2But lots of big words in there, guy.

Also, had NO idea you smoked. I used to do so when drinking (so, you know, all the time). You can quit cold turkey if you have enough reason to do so. Mine = moving in with MAJOR non-smoker versus yours = possibly contributing to heart disease... I think you've got this.

I can relate to this.

 

[commisholio]

Wow.

Just got word that one of my son's buddies from his playgroup was killed in a car accident on his way to visit his family. He was only 3 years old.



RIP Leo. You will be missed.

 

[kbm]

Wow.Just got word that one of my son's buddies from his playgroup was killed in a car accident on his way to visit his family. He was only 3 years old. RIP Leo. You will be missed.

Jesus:( :(

 

[YSR]

Wow.Just got word that one of my son's buddies from his playgroup was killed in a car accident on his way to visit his family. He was only 3 years old. RIP Leo. You will be missed.

Jesus:( :(

No kidding. Really sorry for everyone involved, commisholio.

 

[commisholio]

I think that's the first time I've cried since my father died in 1997.

Here is a link to some pictures of the little guy. I don't recommend looking at them, but I myself can't stop. He was a very nice, very sweet and kind little boy. He was always shy at first, but once he got warmed up he was awesome.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I found out Saturday night from my GB that he has prostate cancer.

He went in yesterday for some test prior to his surgery to remove his prostate and they discovered he needs a quadruple bypass. He should get out of bypass surgery in a couple of hours. The surgery to remove his prostate is going to be delayed at least 8 more weeks. Jesus.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Let me see. Firday night I found out my GB has to file bankruptcy. Lost his house, everything. He didn't even tell me, I found out from his wife. He hasn't told any of us.

My GB lost consciousness at church yesterday. Again. I don't need a reason to not go to church but this would make me stop. The doctors can't figure out what is wrong with him.

FOTF daughter had a baby about 8 months ago that is so sick she had to be put in the ICU this morning. This gal is a doctor too. Her brother works for us.

Gal here at work just got back from the doctor and she has precancerous growth on her tongue. She had a spot removed about 3 months ago that still hasn't healed. She is ne of the nicest people I've eve met in my life.

*sigh*

 

[The_Burning_Bush]

Wow.Just got word that one of my son's buddies from his playgroup was killed in a car accident on his way to visit his family. He was only 3 years old. RIP Leo. You will be missed.

Jesus:( :(

:(

 

[Mrs. BSR]

I think that's the first time I've cried since my father died in 1997.

Here is a link to some pictures of the little guy. I don't recommend looking at them, but I myself can't stop. He was a very nice, very sweet and kind little boy. He was always shy at first, but once he got warmed up he was awesome.

I can't look. Thoughts and prayers.

 

[YSR]

Seems like everyone is updating the GMTAN instead of putting things here.

I got a call from my former boss yesterday that a former colleague of mine died of a massive heart attack on Sunday afternoon. 44 years old. Man....

 

[El Floppo]

Sorry to hear that YSR... yugh- that's my age almost.

Not to diminish the sad news people are getting- but seems like it's more officially "depressing" than "depression". I only say this because I am in the latter camp and struggling. But most of the news I'm getting these days is happy, at least. So I've got that going for me...

 

[YSR]

Sorry to hear that YSR... yugh- that's my age almost.

Not to diminish the sad news people are getting- but seems like it's more officially "depressing" than "depression". I only say this because I am in the latter camp and struggling. But most of the news I'm getting these days is happy, at least. So I've got that going for me...

Don't let furley hear you say that.In all seriousness, you're right about what you said above. I think I just thought of this thread as the place to post bad news.

Am really sorry to hear that you may be in the throes of the latter. Anything in particular going on, or just life itself?

 

[YSR]

Woke up at about 3:00 two nights ago with a stomach punch that our business is going to go under. I ran payroll yesterday and had to transfer $$ from our emergency funds to the operating account today to be sure we didn't overdraw. My heart is now racing 24/7 and I can't eat. I have hope that we will be okay (if we can make it to February, 2011 we will be okay), but I don't really know. I've truly never experienced fear like this before.

Well, it's here. Closing doors this Friday, I think. We are trying to get in touch with a couple of attorneys to double-check some liability-type things in re: my fiance's personal assets, etc., but the decision is made (BTW, if anyone has a good corporate/assets attorney friend who wouldn't mind spending 20 minutes on the phone with a random person from the Internet, let me know ).I shouldn't really be in this thread because I'm not even depressed right now - just numb, mostly. Fiance is depressed (he started the business so he has the shame and embarrassment and all of the other emotions that go along with starting a business that fails), so in a way I can't really let myself be. There's too much to do in the next three days.

 

[Thorn]

Woke up at about 3:00 two nights ago with a stomach punch that our business is going to go under. I ran payroll yesterday and had to transfer $$ from our emergency funds to the operating account today to be sure we didn't overdraw. My heart is now racing 24/7 and I can't eat. I have hope that we will be okay (if we can make it to February, 2011 we will be okay), but I don't really know. I've truly never experienced fear like this before.

Well, it's here. Closing doors this Friday, I think. We are trying to get in touch with a couple of attorneys to double-check some liability-type things in re: my fiance's personal assets, etc., but the decision is made (BTW, if anyone has a good corporate/assets attorney friend who wouldn't mind spending 20 minutes on the phone with a random person from the Internet, let me know ).I shouldn't really be in this thread because I'm not even depressed right now - just numb, mostly. Fiance is depressed (he started the business so he has the shame and embarrassment and all of the other emotions that go along with starting a business that fails), so in a way I can't really let myself be. There's too much to do in the next three days.

So sorry to hear GB. :( I'll ask around re attorney in that area.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

Woke up at about 3:00 two nights ago with a stomach punch that our business is going to go under. I ran payroll yesterday and had to transfer $$ from our emergency funds to the operating account today to be sure we didn't overdraw. My heart is now racing 24/7 and I can't eat. I have hope that we will be okay (if we can make it to February, 2011 we will be okay), but I don't really know. I've truly never experienced fear like this before.

Well, it's here. Closing doors this Friday, I think. We are trying to get in touch with a couple of attorneys to double-check some liability-type things in re: my fiance's personal assets, etc., but the decision is made (BTW, if anyone has a good corporate/assets attorney friend who wouldn't mind spending 20 minutes on the phone with a random person from the Internet, let me know ).I shouldn't really be in this thread because I'm not even depressed right now - just numb, mostly. Fiance is depressed (he started the business so he has the shame and embarrassment and all of the other emotions that go along with starting a business that fails), so in a way I can't really let myself be. There's too much to do in the next three days.

So sorry to hear GB. :(

:(

 

[St. Louis Bob]

My Aunt/Godmother that had the benign tumor removed? Well the doctor ####ed up, it was malignant.

:deepsigh:

 

[Exit 1]

Woke up at about 3:00 two nights ago with a stomach punch that our business is going to go under. I ran payroll yesterday and had to transfer $$ from our emergency funds to the operating account today to be sure we didn't overdraw. My heart is now racing 24/7 and I can't eat. I have hope that we will be okay (if we can make it to February, 2011 we will be okay), but I don't really know. I've truly never experienced fear like this before.

Well, it's here. Closing doors this Friday, I think. We are trying to get in touch with a couple of attorneys to double-check some liability-type things in re: my fiance's personal assets, etc., but the decision is made (BTW, if anyone has a good corporate/assets attorney friend who wouldn't mind spending 20 minutes on the phone with a random person from the Internet, let me know ).I shouldn't really be in this thread because I'm not even depressed right now - just numb, mostly. Fiance is depressed (he started the business so he has the shame and embarrassment and all of the other emotions that go along with starting a business that fails), so in a way I can't really let myself be. There's too much to do in the next three days.

Sorry to hear that. Weren't you talking about expanding just a little while ago? I thought all was good when you talked about that.

 

[YSR]

Woke up at about 3:00 two nights ago with a stomach punch that our business is going to go under. I ran payroll yesterday and had to transfer $$ from our emergency funds to the operating account today to be sure we didn't overdraw. My heart is now racing 24/7 and I can't eat. I have hope that we will be okay (if we can make it to February, 2011 we will be okay), but I don't really know. I've truly never experienced fear like this before.

Well, it's here. Closing doors this Friday, I think. We are trying to get in touch with a couple of attorneys to double-check some liability-type things in re: my fiance's personal assets, etc., but the decision is made (BTW, if anyone has a good corporate/assets attorney friend who wouldn't mind spending 20 minutes on the phone with a random person from the Internet, let me know ).I shouldn't really be in this thread because I'm not even depressed right now - just numb, mostly. Fiance is depressed (he started the business so he has the shame and embarrassment and all of the other emotions that go along with starting a business that fails), so in a way I can't really let myself be. There's too much to do in the next three days.

Sorry to hear that. Weren't you talking about expanding just a little while ago? I thought all was good when you talked about that.

One of our patients approached us about 10 months ago wanting to invest in a new office (another city) with us. She put up the money, but we did all of the logistics, protocols, hiring, etc. That office is doing well, though it will undoubtedly take a hit from the fallout we are experiencing this week. The new office will do fine based on all of the lessons learned in this starter office. We just never could right the ship in this one.To add to the :( , we expected that my fiance was going to get sued for some outstanding vendor balances. We did not, however, anticipate that there could be criminal charges levied against him for closing our office. Obviously I can't go into much, but we are in full-on damage control/restitution mode. I desperately need it to be two weeks from now, when the dust has settled and we know what is going to happen.

 

[El Floppo]

Woke up at about 3:00 two nights ago with a stomach punch that our business is going to go under. I ran payroll yesterday and had to transfer $$ from our emergency funds to the operating account today to be sure we didn't overdraw. My heart is now racing 24/7 and I can't eat. I have hope that we will be okay (if we can make it to February, 2011 we will be okay), but I don't really know. I've truly never experienced fear like this before.

Well, it's here. Closing doors this Friday, I think. We are trying to get in touch with a couple of attorneys to double-check some liability-type things in re: my fiance's personal assets, etc., but the decision is made (BTW, if anyone has a good corporate/assets attorney friend who wouldn't mind spending 20 minutes on the phone with a random person from the Internet, let me know ).I shouldn't really be in this thread because I'm not even depressed right now - just numb, mostly. Fiance is depressed (he started the business so he has the shame and embarrassment and all of the other emotions that go along with starting a business that fails), so in a way I can't really let myself be. There's too much to do in the next three days.

Sorry to hear that. Weren't you talking about expanding just a little while ago? I thought all was good when you talked about that.

One of our patients approached us about 10 months ago wanting to invest in a new office (another city) with us. She put up the money, but we did all of the logistics, protocols, hiring, etc. That office is doing well, though it will undoubtedly take a hit from the fallout we are experiencing this week. The new office will do fine based on all of the lessons learned in this starter office. We just never could right the ship in this one.To add to the :( , we expected that my fiance was going to get sued for some outstanding vendor balances. We did not, however, anticipate that there could be criminal charges levied against him for closing our office. Obviously I can't go into much, but we are in full-on damage control/restitution mode. I desperately need it to be two weeks from now, when the dust has settled and we know what is going to happen.

guh.the very best of luck to you guys as you sort this out- so sorry you're having to deal with all of it. if your fiance goes to the big house, make sure to get him some gang tats first so he fits in maybe a little better.