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****Official**** depression thread (4 Viewers)
- Thread starter St. Louis Bob
- Start date
Johnnymac
Footballguy
Well I just don't like the thought of changing my brain chemistry even though it is probably needed. I dont like the way Venlaxafine makes me feel on edge most of the time. It definitely helps with depression but I feel like it creates more anxiety. Also there are side effects.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
I assume you told your doc this? From my cousin's experience, it took a long time to find a good combo. And after she stopped taking it and crashed, the same combo didn't work and it was back to the drawing board until we found something else. Some times meds stop working or as well.
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
Ugh. Feel like Im back here in a big way right now. Severe case of the blahs and lack of self worth. Just posting here as an acknowledgement and to make myself accountable to fight through it.
Adderall Slim
Footballguy
Hey Buck, just wanted to wish you well and let you know you're in my thoughts. Although it doesn't seem like much, posting your thoughts and receiving feedback from the good folks here is a great tool and has helped to keep me on track in the past. Stay busy and keep your chin up, you'll fight through this.
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
El Floppo
Footballguy
sorry to hear this, shady.
meaningless, I know- but IMO you're definitely allowed to feel overwhelmed with everything you've gone and are going through. I hope you've got things to do that allow you to decompress from all of this.
badmojo1006
Footballguy
badmojo1006
Footballguy
I feel you and hope you have been fighting through it.
I however, don't have any fight right now. Been unemployed for nearly a year, no prospects and just feeling like a sloth.
I have been off Lithium (for the Bi-Polar) and ritalin (for adult ADHD) for about 4 months. At first, I was doing OK, but lately I have just been so down. One doctor retiring, couldn't get on with a new doctor on my old insurance. But I have an appointment with a new doc on Wednesday with my new insurance. So, I am that will be a start.
Just to let you know, I have not hit that point or will I ever again hit that point...I will be homeless before I ever attempt suicide again.
Everybody in this thread...I am passing all my good thoughts and more that you have a fantastic week!
shadyridr
Footballguy
Captain Cranks
Footballguy
Yep. Still off it. No regrets. My libido is higher which is nice. I feel better, more energized throughout the day because my biological clock tells me to get up at 5:30 and I get up at 5:30. The Lexapro would make me want to sleep a lot and would tell my biological clock to jam it.badmojo1006 said:
On the downside, during times of stress, I feel myself get slightly more anxious. I am going through a divorce and trying to get a new business off the ground, so there's no lack of 'stressers' in my life right now. However, I'm pretty impressed with how calm I've been throughout both ordeals despite being off the drug.
That said, I could definitely see myself slipping back into a depressed mode. Why? Because all of the psychological drivers that caused my anxiety and depression in the first place are still there. The only difference now is that I'm fully aware of them and plan to attack the issue by changing my thoughts; not getting back on the drug.
Captain Cranks
Footballguy
Life ebbs and flows, brother. You're going through one of the most difficult times anyone can imagine and have dealt with it tremendously well. Better, easier days are ahead. My son was born with severe hemophilia which, when we found out when he was only a day old, completely destroyed the happy image we had about having a new child. Fast forward 9 years and dude is a friggin' rockstar. The hemophilia community that we're apart of has been nothing short of awesome and given my son opportunities in life that other kids can only dream of. Your new normal may not be the same as the old normal, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.shadyridr said:
SDJohnny
Footballguy
For me I really need to monitor my self-talk. How I treat myself. The truth of the matter is that you are doing a great job under extremely difficult circumstances. I think at some point you're going to have to accept these circumstances and be grateful. For me being grateful keeps me out of that self pity, feeling like a victim, phase that just spirals me downward.shadyridr said:
Judge Smails
Footballguy
Did you try several? I couldn't stand Ambien, but have a Lunesta generic (Temzapan) and it works great. Trial and error. Getting no sleep sucks.
badmojo1006
Footballguy
Well, saw a new psychiatrist last week, I am back on Lithium for the Bi-Polar and the Doctor prescribed Trazodone as a sleep aid.
I have felt nothing on the Lithium, sometimes it takes 2-3 weeks to kick in and the Trazodone finally worked last night after 4 nights with little sleep. Got around 6 hours uninterrupted last night (Damn was my bladder full). But I feel better today.
Not sure if I have mentioned this before in this thread, but if you have a DBSA (Depression Bi-Polar Support Alliance) group around, mine has been really helpful. Just other people, in all walks of life, that have the same condition. It's nice to walk into a group, tell something that you think is really weird, strange...and people will say "Yeah, been there, done that"
I am better than I was 10 days ago, just need to keep moving forward
I have felt nothing on the Lithium, sometimes it takes 2-3 weeks to kick in and the Trazodone finally worked last night after 4 nights with little sleep. Got around 6 hours uninterrupted last night (Damn was my bladder full). But I feel better today.
Not sure if I have mentioned this before in this thread, but if you have a DBSA (Depression Bi-Polar Support Alliance) group around, mine has been really helpful. Just other people, in all walks of life, that have the same condition. It's nice to walk into a group, tell something that you think is really weird, strange...and people will say "Yeah, been there, done that"
I am better than I was 10 days ago, just need to keep moving forward
badmojo1006
Footballguy
badmojo1006
Footballguy
The myth of normal I still do not know what is normal. IMO, just go for what makes you happy and healthy
badmojo1006
Footballguy
One more thing...Hope everybody in this thread has a fantastic rest of the week!
badmojo1006
Footballguy
Had a decent week. There is a center in town for people with mental health issues. Went to a writing workshop and a men's group. Couple of other classes I will look into next week.
Both the lithium and Trazodone seem to be working. My depression has not been as bad this week and I have had 7 hours and 6 hours straight sleep the past two nights.
Hope everybody had a good weekend and y'all have a great weekend
Both the lithium and Trazodone seem to be working. My depression has not been as bad this week and I have had 7 hours and 6 hours straight sleep the past two nights.
Hope everybody had a good weekend and y'all have a great weekend
Kafka
Footballguy
Was just going through this thread, & want to thank you for your input. I have trouble confronting my depression, because it's "silently" forbidden to talk about "it" in my circle, & my ways of coping are not healthy. I really appreciate everyone here, in your openness to acknowledge & address your situation(s). It's helped me, & I'm grateful. Thanks, & have a good weekendHad a decent week. There is a center in town for people with mental health issues. Went to a writing workshop and a men's group. Couple of other classes I will look into next week.
Both the lithium and Trazodone seem to be working. My depression has not been as bad this week and I have had 7 hours and 6 hours straight sleep the past two nights.
Hope everybody had a good weekend and y'all have a great weekend
AAABatteries
Footballguy
Good luck badmojo- we noticed when you were gone for a while - thanks for updating us.
Best wishes to all in this thread who are struggling - please reach out to someone if you feel the need.
Best wishes to all in this thread who are struggling - please reach out to someone if you feel the need.
badmojo1006
Footballguy
This is a place where you can freely talk about depression if you can't talk in the real worldWas just going through this thread, & want to thank you for your input. I have trouble confronting my depression, because it's "silently" forbidden to talk about "it" in my circle, & my ways of coping are not healthy. I really appreciate everyone here, in your openness to acknowledge & address your situation(s). It's helped me, & I'm grateful. Thanks, & have a good weekend
Hope you have a great weekend.
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
My daughter takes Dramamine when she flies, Knocks her the eff out. I take Ambien every night, thinking of trying Dramamine.
badmojo1006
Footballguy
Screw you depression. I had a good day yesterday, got a lot of stuff done, met some new people, got out of the house...heck even made it through Batman v. Superman.
But today, i wake up and it is that same old weight sitting on my shoulder, weighing me down, making me feel like s**t and empty inside. :(
My analogy for depression is: You are sitting in a chair, working away, feeling good, and depression comes along and kicks the chair out from under you for no good reason.
I'll be OK, just needed to vent
But today, i wake up and it is that same old weight sitting on my shoulder, weighing me down, making me feel like s**t and empty inside. :(
My analogy for depression is: You are sitting in a chair, working away, feeling good, and depression comes along and kicks the chair out from under you for no good reason.
I'll be OK, just needed to vent
Captain Cranks
Footballguy
Just curious, but how was your sleep last night? I ask because I notice that I feel so much better if I just wake when my body tells me to get up. If I fall back asleep for a couple of hours, I wake back up feeling like #### and just want to sleep the rest of the day.Screw you depression. I had a good day yesterday, got a lot of stuff done, met some new people, got out of the house...heck even made it through Batman v. Superman.
But today, i wake up and it is that same old weight sitting on my shoulder, weighing me down, making me feel like s**t and empty inside. :(
My analogy for depression is: You are sitting in a chair, working away, feeling good, and depression comes along and kicks the chair out from under you for no good reason.
I'll be OK, just needed to vent
badmojo1006
Footballguy
Sleep was fine and I agree that a good nights sleep helps a lot. Just one of those things
CurlyNight
Footballguy
You mentioned you are looking into classes next week. The busier you are and less you are left alone at home the better. I had bouts of depression during this cancer journey I'm on, esp since I did it on my own. I found helping those following me on their journey to be very lifting, both online and in groups. I was in their shoes a year ago and had the same questions and providers don't know all you go through nor have the time to tell you everything that may help. NAMI is also a very good group that's nationwide and free. Might want to check to see if a chapter is near you that deals with your particular issue.Screw you depression. I had a good day yesterday, got a lot of stuff done, met some new people, got out of the house...heck even made it through Batman v. Superman.
But today, i wake up and it is that same old weight sitting on my shoulder, weighing me down, making me feel like s**t and empty inside. :(
My analogy for depression is: You are sitting in a chair, working away, feeling good, and depression comes along and kicks the chair out from under you for no good reason.
I'll be OK, just needed to vent
CurlyNight
Footballguy
I just came upon this story: "Allison Schmitt Proves Depression Doesn’t Have To Hold You Back" says this gold medalist in Rio..
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/allison-schmitt-depression_us_57aca399e4b06e52746f78cc?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/allison-schmitt-depression_us_57aca399e4b06e52746f78cc?
Max Power
Footballguy
Its been a rough couple of weeks for me. I was just passed over for a promotion because I'm not in the "In" crowd. Every single number they count scored in my favor except that I'm not one of the boys. I feel like I'm hitting a new low today. Im stuck in my job because I won't make this kind of money anywhere else and my skill set is very pinpoint.
I've turned to alcohol because that masked the pain for a bit. Now its starting to cause problems at home.
I'd never hurt myself or anything like that. I love my loved ones more than my selfish feelings. But year by year, those thoughts have been growing.
This sucks
I've turned to alcohol because that masked the pain for a bit. Now its starting to cause problems at home.
I'd never hurt myself or anything like that. I love my loved ones more than my selfish feelings. But year by year, those thoughts have been growing.
This sucks
Max Power
Footballguy
Stay strong brother. You're a better man than I. I read through you thread, but could never bring myself to comment.
Hopefully sports can distract you for a couple hours tonight.
tri-man 47
Footballguy
Max - You could use the old Groucho Marx logic ...you don't want to belong to any club that would have you as a member. I.e., do you really even want to be part of that "in" crowd? It is unfortunate, though, that it cost you a promotion. Sorry to hear that. But really, the only crowd you need to impress is your family. Don't let the job win! It's your family that's forever. Wishing you the best.
Max Power
Footballguy
Thanks, I've had issues for a while. This was a down moment. Thank you for the kind words. Shady unintentionally put things in perspective for me.
I'm glad this support network is here. I've been reluctant to use it, but just had to today.
shadyridr
Footballguy
I didn't mean to downplay your post. I do find it hard to hear others complain about miniscule things (not talking about you). Hearing my brother whine about his fantasy team yesterday pissed me off. Not sure why.
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Kafka
Footballguy
Damn, buddy... don't know what to say. Just focus on all the good your daughter brought out in other people (especially here) & try to focus on the beauty that was, & is Riley. Don't want to be a hypocrite, & say things I don't believe...but I do know you have been a source of inspiration for us all... please remember that.
Max Power
Footballguy
kutta
Footballguy
I'll echo Kafka's comments. You and Riley and your family brought this board together like I've never seen. Your strength and courage was amazing, and there are a lot of people here who admire you more than you'll ever know, myself included.
This is a tough time, but stay strong and know you have inspired a big group of folks, and we are grateful for that.
shadyridr
Footballguy
Thank you. It means a lot, it really does. Unfortunately it doesn't really lessen the pain I'm feeling.
Kafka
Footballguy
This is a big trigger for me..."other people have less to be depressed about"...I've had some major #### happen to those I love, but there is always someone who has it worse. Depression is a major mindfukk, but I've learned to try not to downplay someone else's reasons for their depression. Despite certain life-altering things that have "happened" to me, I always told myself that there is always someone who had/has it worse, & then the inevitable guilt would/will set in, just making my depression worse. It's insidious. I have thought about you & your family a lot through your ordeal, & have no idea how or if I could handle it. Please don't beat yourself up...the mind can be the cruelest enemy of all, if you let it. I wish you & your family the best, & please remember how much joy your daughter brought to all, gb.
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
I'm going to ask you a tough question, shady - tell me to shut up and go away and i wont be offended nor bother you again.
In your wildest wonderings can you imagine that your Riley - a great loss only because she was a great love - would, for one second, want you and those she left behind to suffer on her account?
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
Since I've been away for a while, allow me to revisit ground i've covered before for the benefit of you others who've weighed in today.
I have some theories on depression and approaches to transcending it that some of you might find helpful but first i must ask you each: is there a beauty that is your very own - either that you have something to do with creating or influencing or something that no one appreciates like you?
You're welcome to answer here, by PM, with a public pfffft or not at all.
I have some theories on depression and approaches to transcending it that some of you might find helpful but first i must ask you each: is there a beauty that is your very own - either that you have something to do with creating or influencing or something that no one appreciates like you?
You're welcome to answer here, by PM, with a public pfffft or not at all.
shadyridr
Footballguy
shadyridr
Footballguy
Btw I know you're all trying to help but it's hard to be rationale about these feelings right now. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to feel empty. I don't want Riley to think I'm suffering. I dont want to stay isolated. No matter how much you tell me how much she impacted everybody it doesn't change how I'm feeling right now. I'm hoping some day it does.
Don't worry. I'm not suicidal or anything. I'm still there for Justin.
Don't worry. I'm not suicidal or anything. I'm still there for Justin.
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wikkidpissah
Footballguy
Fair enough. You're empty from a long, hard ordeal. May God and life soon make and keep you full.
wikkidpissah
Footballguy
I, of course, agree there's a difference, but there's effective treatment for both.
In a nutshell, depression is spiritual starvation. Every animal has a mechanism where, in times of deprivation, it can shut down, lower pulse, resps, caloric use until food once again becomes plentiful. When a human loses abiding reasons for stringing moments of existence together, be it because of grief, laziness, trouble, stress or any number of things, it is common for them to shut down emotionally in a way that imitates starvation mode. Thing is, an animal knows when food is back in season and shakes itself out of shutdown to feed. Humans, both lacking in knowledge of what spiritual sustenance is available and too clever to admit the animalism in their nature, never see the end of the starvation cycle and, therefore, have no reason to snap out of it. This cycle can be fairly simply ended with proper guidance and education.
In addition, modern life is seldom elevating and often defeating. Everyone is looking for victory and few are finding it. The next best thing to winning is having a damn fine excuse for losing. You get a pass forever with one of those. That's what psychiatry largely does - hand out Victim ID cards. You'll never be happy but, by God, you'll have a reason. We validate failure. Enjoy.
But there's another way.
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wikkidpissah
Footballguy
We disagree then. The world's big enough for that.
dickey moe
Fingerpicker
Ir's normal, and these kind of sudden pissed off moments will creep up on you for awhile. After an intensely deep loss such as folks like us have experienced, you never can tell what might set it off. It's hard and no one but you can really understand how you feel.
Not sure if you've sought counseling yet but if any feelings of depression become severe, I hope you'll consider it. Praying for you man.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
You're fresh out from a huge tragedy so everything is going to seem miniscule in comparison. You may also think he's seemed to have moved on from the loss of his niece and you may be unknowingly a bit angry inside about it.
When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I had a lot of positive attention from those who knew. After sx and once tx started, people sort of got to their own lives, which included talking to me about their woes as I'm a sound board for several folks. At that time it was easy for me to view their stuff as miniscule. I'd think to myself man I wish I had your problem instead of cancer- jeez. But what I remembered is we all have our stuff. What's small to us may be big to someone else. I try not to judge someone's life v mine. By doing this and rooting for them whatever it may be, I find for myself that I actually feel better. They still care about me and my battle but they have their own stuff that's big for them to deal with.
My bro talks about his woes with editing his book. Doesn't say much past how are you feeling/doing these days. Used to be a lot more. He will admit that he just doesn't know what to say anymore as it's depressing for him to think about me in my situation being so far away. So his way of coping is now being more into his life than he was into mine. He thinks of me daily with love peace and prayers, and I know that.
I was warned about the post tx depression that some folks go through. For over a year I had all these people looking out for me from support people to nurses, docs, etc. What seems like all of the sudden it's died down. I'm on the close watch list as I have some suspicious things to be continually monitored, but not the level of intensity as going through tx. I actually miss my tx team which I see now every 2-3 months. It's like the "party" for lack of a better word is over but not a whole lot has changed for me.
Not saying this is you, Shady. Just offering up what I went through mentally and emotionally to anyone who it may ring a bell for. I just work on myself.
I hope you find what helps you get through, and seek professional help if needed. Reading how you are forever going to be sad breaks my heart. Riley wouldn't want that. I hope you in time can get to that point of smiling again for your sake, Justin's and your wife's sake.
Peace, love and prayers. xxx
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