Online gambling addiction (1 Viewer)

[TLEF316]

First off....this is not a "its really about me" situation. Other than a couple of survivor pools and 1 or 2 small money FF leagues,($200 max) gambling on sports has never really appealed to me. And frankly, I've always found people that can't watch a game without having "some action" pretty pathetic on the surface.(not sure if I've ever relayed this thought to my brother in the past.....if I do, I now obviously feel like **** about it0 I did get a little too into online poker back in the hay day (right around the time I graduated college) but that was short lived. Just not my thing.

My younger brother (mid 30's, single, no kids. Lives in a decent condo that to my knowledge....he's been paying the mortgage on) called both my parents last night weeping. For like the first 5 minutes on his call with my dad, he couldn't even get out what was wrong. Dad was concerned he'd gotten some horrible health news, had hit and killed someone with his car, etc.

Turns out he has an online gambling addiction (all legal, thank god. I dont think we're gonna have some Russian bookie showing up to his house) and has hit rock bottom. 4 maxed out credit cards (although apparently at least a couple of them are really small....only a couple of grand. No idea what the total hole is) zero savings (despite being at the same financial services company for almost 10 years and probably making close to $100K now) and just realized that he can't keep it to himself and live the lie anymore.

VERY thankfully (100% recognize that most are nowhere close to this lucky) our family is in the very fortunate situation to be able to help him financially. Details are not important.....but my dad has the money to easily bail him out and will do so. And obviously that's gonna come with him now monitoring his statements, checking his phone, etc. Its gonna be a balance between preventing a relapse and not treating him like a total child.

Obviously I want to help in any way possible. We're very close (live a mile apart, play in a basketball league together, golf together 2-3x most weeks, text all the time) and I just dont know how I possibly missed this so badly. I was 90% sure he had a problem for a while about a decade ago. When he started with this company he had to spend like a year and a half as a trainee up North in the middle of nowhere. None of his friends within 4 hours but a casino 30 minutes away. He was broke when he came back (despite minimal expenses) so I figured it was a problem then. But not a whiff of it since (other than him playing in a LOT of fantasy leagues). I've never seen him on Fanduel, never seen him irritated over a game result (other than his beloved Knicks), never seen him gamble on the golf course. The only sign I really saw that indicated any sort of possible financial trouble could easily be dismissed as something else. (running a 10 year old car into the ground when he could easily afford a new one is the big one I never understood)

As I'm typing this, he sent a long to text to me and our youngest brother briefly explaining the situation. The tone is hopeful and very positive, so I dont THINK we're in any sort of danger here (in terms of a drug problem, suicide, etc.) but it obviously scares the hell out of me. I just never noticed a thing and that worries me. We played golf last night (like 6 hours before he spilled the beans to our parents) and other than his swing being a mess right now.....I just didn't sense a thing was going on. He's a charismatic, popular, friendly, successful guy with a million friends(he's got a long-term crew from childhood/HS that he hangs with all the time. All good guys with young families. No bad influences there as far as I can tell) and it seems like he completely hid this from all of us.

Really just looking for any sort of advice/experiences that anyone here can pass on. We're obviously looking into some sort of support group (although he told my parents that he's very confident that he has turned a corner and can handle this with just us) but any ideas that anyone here can share would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Dan Lambskin]

Most of the apps have tools to combat this. Obviously not foolproof but I know you can either set deposit / loss limits or fully self exclude for a period of time

So one he definitely has to do it and two not just go and add another book but might be a good start

Pretty sure they all list the problem hotline too, again not sure how effective that is

Best of luck

 

[rockaction]

Nothing to share with you, brother. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you and him.

 

[BlackCrowes]

sounds like he'll have a good support system, so that's great. has he looked into a support group?

best of luck to him. obviously coming forward and getting it out in the open is a great first step.

 

[otb_lifer]

the financial bailout is enabling, just like any other addiction.

may not be what you wanna hear, but there needs to be life altering lessons learned - tough love sounds awfully cliched, but it's the only long-term deterrent.

gl

 

[Dinsy Ejotuz]

Its gonna be a balance between preventing a relapse and not treating him like a total child.

I mean be respectful, but he's probably childlike when it comes to gambling. IMO there should be some super strict guidelines around any bailout.

 

[ChiefD]

First off - kudos to your brother for admitting he has a problem and asking for help. That is a HUGE first step.

As far as your help, just listen to him and support him. Sounds like your family has his back and that's the best thing for him.

 

[TLEF316]

the financial bailout is enabling, just like any other addiction.

may not be what you wanna hear, but there needs to be life altering lessons learned - tough love sounds awfully cliched, but it's the only long-term deterrent.

gl

Yeah, I hear this for sure. That part is obviously between him and my dad. Again, we're very lucky to be in the financial situation we are, but its a tricky thing to try and balance.

Obviously the most important thing is that we know the full extent of the problem (and make sure there isn't any sort of drug problem alongside it) and work to alter his lifestyle/behavors going forward.

Really appreciate everyone's input

 

[TLEF316]

Its gonna be a balance between preventing a relapse and not treating him like a total child.

I mean be respectful, but he's probably childlike when it comes to gambling. IMO there should be some super strict guidelines around any bailout.

100%. Obviously if he's going to be bailed out, we need to know that nothing is going on on the back end.

 

[massraider]

100%. Obviously if he's going to be bailed out, we need to know that nothing is going on on the back end.

I don't know anything about this stuff, but he makes good money, has no kids, and all his buddies have families, yes?

As someone in that position myself, I would say he has more spare time than almost anyone he knows, is my guess. Filling that online time with something other than gambling is my suggestion. Changing habits. There are things he does in his daily life that wind up with him gambling online. Ask him about it. Maybe he needs to ditch all fantasy teams. Maybe volunteeer assistant golf coach at local school, whatever.

Just a thought, I don't know how bad his addiction is, or how it manifests itself. Fact is, someone can place a bet while they take a piss if they have their phone with them.

 

[TLEF316]

100%. Obviously if he's going to be bailed out, we need to know that nothing is going on on the back end.

I don't know anything about this stuff, but he makes good money, has no kids, and all his buddies have families, yes?

As someone in that position myself, I would say he has more spare time than almost anyone he knows, is my guess. Filling that online time with something other than gambling is my suggestion. Changing habits. There are things he does in his daily life that wind up with him gambling online. Ask him about it. Maybe he needs to ditch all fantasy teams. Maybe volunteeer assistant golf coach at local school, whatever.

Just a thought, I don't know how bad his addiction is, or how it manifests itself. Fact is, someone can place a bet while they take a piss if they have their phone with them.

I wasn't privy to the conversation he had with my parents (or the longer text that he apparently sent my mom afterwards) but I did get the sense that boredom plays a big part in it. Not sure if that's gotten worse as his friends have started to have kids but I dont THINK that's the case. Like I said, he's got a bunch of them and sees them a lot. The boredom aspect apparently got much worse during COVID (not surprising) and then the serious financial concerns got bad in the past 6 months.

Yeah, he's got a lot of free time for sure, especially once golf season ends (guessing NFL and NBA are the biggest culprits here). Additional activities to eat up that time are a good thought for sure. Not sure what the solution is there (some sort of volunteer work is a pretty good idea) but really appreciate the suggestion.

 

[JAA]

.02 - dealing with a loved one of mine. Not gambling, just spending beyond means.

Create habits (in no order):

• Get rid of all credit cards. Pay with cash and check. Yes, it sometimes sucks, but that is a great first step.
• Create a budget. All parties should agree. Parties being your brother and the folks who bailed him out.
  • This budget should include putting money aside for unexpected expenses and also separate savings (see below)
• Transfer X amount of money each paycheck to account not managed by the folks who bailed him out.
• Schedule time each week to review budget.

This is all about creating healthy habits. This will take years, so be patient. He is lucky to have you and your parents. Please stress though he is not the problem, the behavior is the problem

Good luck!

 

[DA RAIDERS]

Put in a payment plan to your parents that leaves him with little to no expendable money. Your parents can set the money aside and give it back at some point(many many years from now) if they want. No more credit cards. Ever

 

[Corporation]

Sorry to hear about your brother TLEF. Addiction is powerful, no matter what the subject. He will need a support system (of which the family is a big component) of people who can help him not fall back into familiar traps. A complete bailout may not be the right answer. Oftentimes people have to hit rock bottom before they realize the scope of the damage. Hopefully that is not required in this case, but I would want a payment plan setup to repay with no margin for misses. It doesn't sound like your parents need the money back, but it is important for him to know the consequences. It also gives him less money to "play" with. May want to consider having his credit frozen with the credit agencies so he can't acquire new cards easily.

I hope it turns out well for him and kudos to you and your family for being there to support him.

 

[TLEF316]

Sorry to hear about your brother TLEF. Addiction is powerful, no matter what the subject. He will need a support system (of which the family is a big component) of people who can help him not fall back into familiar traps. A complete bailout may not be the right answer. Oftentimes people have to hit rock bottom before they realize the scope of the damage. Hopefully that is not required in this case, but I would want a payment plan setup to repay with no margin for misses. It doesn't sound like your parents need the money back, but it is important for him to know the consequences. It also gives him less money to "play" with. May want to consider having his credit frozen with the credit agencies so he can't acquire new cards easily.

I hope it turns out well for him and kudos to you and your family for being there to support him.

Thanks buddy.

Not really sure how they plan to handle the financial aspect. Its not for me to say.

I have no idea how bad the total hole is. I dont think its $50K or anything but it wouldn't shock me if its $20K. (and the lack of savings on top of that, which could hamstring him in the future if he gets stuck with a major expense) I dont think this is some life-destroying hole that he can never crawl out of (again....he has a good income and not a lot of major expenses) but if it were my son....I'd want to put some major guardrails in place for sure. Again.....dont want to add to the depression aspect of this by treating him like a little kid.....but he's put himself in a bad spot and is begging for help to get out of it. That comes with consequences.

 

[Capella]

Sheesh. I don’t know about the bailout unless he was like 18 or something and could conceivably not know any better. Which by your post, he’s not.

How much money are we talking here?

 

[TLEF316]

Sheesh. I don’t know about the bailout unless he was like 18 or something and could conceivably not know any better. Which by your post, he’s not.

How much money are we talking here?

Dont know the number and dont plan on asking. Its not my business. Based on the conversation this morning I got the sense that its probably something like 15-20K (maybe) in debt. Can't imagine how much he's lost in total (given his salary and low expenses) to get to that point.

He should know better for sure. And I certainly understand the idea that bailing him out could enable this behavior again. Its a tough situation. I think my parents are just incredibly grateful that (as far as I know) this is strictly a financial problem (in terms of long term impact). We've got a couple of cousins dealing with FAR worse than that and I think they're terrified of putting him on that sort of path.

I'm not a parent, so I'll never get it. But I'm sure that in situations like this (first "offense")....I think the first, 2nd and 3rd instinct is to help/protect your kids. (no matter what age). Teaching lessons is obviously important too, but very much secondary.

 

[otb_lifer]

this is strictly a financial problem (in terms of long term impact).

no

it's a behavioral problem, manifesting itself via finances - for now.

rock bottom gotta be crawled out of with miniscule (if that) enabling - lessons learned (or not) now will have a seismic impact on the future.

 

[TLEF316]

this is strictly a financial problem (in terms of long term impact).

no

it's a behavioral problem, manifesting itself via finances - for now.

rock bottom gotta be crawled out of with miniscule (if that) enabling - lessons learned (or not) now will have a seismic impact on the future.

No, I get that.

What I mean is that at this point.....he hasn't hurt himself (physically), wrecked himself with drugs, gotten in legal trouble, lost his job, ruined any relationships, etc.

We know "fixing" the problem involves a lot more than just writing a check.

 

[Capella]

Based on the conversation this morning I got the sense that its probably something like 15-20K (maybe) in debt.

Hmmm. A person his age with that kind of income should be able to handle that amount without turning to a parent to pay it off.

Now obviously I understand turning for help to break the addiction but it’s odd to me your dad would pay that off. Jmo

 

[jvdesigns2002]

Tough one. I certainly wish him and your family the best and hope for the best possible outcome. Gambling is an addiction—and he’s certainly showing signs that he’s heavily addicted. I’ve said this before in other threads involving addictions (alcohol, drugs…etc)—but there is no real effective way in curing addictive behavior—you just need to shift the addiction to something positive. My oldest sister battled drug addiction. She nearly overdosed and thankfully she’s been sober for over 30 years now. She hit rock bottom and survived—and realized how lucky she is. She ended up shifting her addiction to church. Once she was addicted to church for a while—she felt as though her story and experience of sobriety might be of value to young people that were battling addiction—so she shifted her addictive behavior to mentoring. She still does the mentoring—but as of a few years ago—she’s managed to shift a lot of her addictive behavior to going to the gym and being in good shape..etc. As you can see—her path to battling a very bad and detrimental addiction was not to actually “stop” the addictive behavior—but to channel that behavior into healthier habits. My biggest hesitation is that most people that overcome addictions do need to hit a certain level of bottom or rock bottom—to where they need to work to get themselves out of the hole that the addiction has put them in. I’m not sure if just paying off his debts could actually be detrimental to his pathway to success in regards to getting out of his gambling addiction. You might want to consult a counselor or therapist about that. There might be more optimal ways to help him out—perhaps reward him by paying off his debts incrementally as he shifts his addiction into something healthier..etc. Regardless—the fact that you are here and are looking for ways to help shows that your brother has a wonderful and supportive family. That by itself is a big tool in overcoming these types of things.

 

[Major]

iously the most important thing is that we know the full extent of the problem (and make sure there isn't any sort of drug problem alongside it) and work to alter his lifestyle/behavors going forward.

without knowing your brother, him hiding a drug addiction and admitting to the “lesser” of two evils is a concern. Addicts are great liars. Maybe an unannounced drug test to make sure? The last thing you want to do is enable him further. Wishing you and your family the best of luck. Addiction is a tricky thing.

 

[The Z Machine]

iously the most important thing is that we know the full extent of the problem (and make sure there isn't any sort of drug problem alongside it) and work to alter his lifestyle/behavors going forward.

without knowing your brother, him hiding a drug addiction and admitting to the “lesser” of two evils is a concern. Addicts are great liars. Maybe an unannounced drug test to make sure? The last thing you want to do is enable him further. Wishing you and your family the best of luck. Addiction is a tricky thing.

That's my concern as well. Maybe he's good at hiding a drug / alcohol addiction too and it's just copping to the gambling as cover. Maybe he thinks he can control those other demons himself.

 

[brun]

In the 70's I had a friend who had accumulated sizable gambling debts owed to a couple bookies. He borrowed money from friends & family to pay off the debt. Then took on a couple part time jobs to pay off friends & family. This also caused some pain in his marriage at the time. Eventually they got through it.
Don't know if he would have been characterized as addicted and I haven't been in contact for decades so I don't know his current situation.

 

[Zow]

Put in a payment plan to your parents that leaves him with little to no expendable money. Your parents can set the money aside and give it back at some point(many many years from now) if they want. No more credit cards. Ever

Yep this is what came to my mind, too. I agree it’s fortunate and it makes sense that your dad can bail him out (even just to get creditors off his back), but there needs to at least be the pseudo-notion that he’s gotta pay your dad back each month. I recognize this is more up to your dad, but I’d suggest your brother has to make a sizable enough monthly payment back to your dad that it doesn’t break him but it stings a bit (maybe 1k/month?).

If your dad wants to return the money at some later date where’s he comfortable your brother has it under control then that’s your dad’s prerogative.

And, yeah, no credit cards for the foreseeable future. He does well enough it sounds like where he should never need to dip into credit. Online gambling is just far too easy and accessible now for this to be worth the risk.

 

[Dr. Octopus]

this is strictly a financial problem (in terms of long term impact).

no

it's a behavioral problem, manifesting itself via finances - for now.

rock bottom gotta be crawled out of with miniscule (if that) enabling - lessons learned (or not) now will have a seismic impact on the future.

No, I get that.

What I mean is that at this point.....he hasn't hurt himself (physically), wrecked himself with drugs, gotten in legal trouble, lost his job, ruined any relationships, etc.

We know "fixing" the problem involves a lot more than just writing a check.

Maybe your parents should demand some therapy as a condition to the bailout?

 

[Tecumseh]

Most of the apps have tools to combat this. Obviously not foolproof but I know you can either set deposit / loss limits or fully self exclude for a period of time

So one he definitely has to do it and two not just go and add another book but might be a good start

Pretty sure they all list the problem hotline too, again not sure how effective that is

Best of luck

This is a good start. I found myself teetering a bit on an online casino, and permanently banned myself through their interface. Haven’t had a problem since.

 

[NewlyRetired]

Really just looking for any sort of advice/experiences that anyone here can pass on. We're obviously looking into some sort of support group (although he told my parents that he's very confident that he has turned a corner and can handle this with just us) but any ideas that anyone here can share would be greatly appreciated.

Hi buddy,

Thank you for sharing this story. I am sorry for you and your family but if you all stay strong, you can help him out of this.

I have some experience with family members and addiction.

I want to focus on the line I underlined above as it is a red flag for me.

There is an old rule of thumb. A person needs to hit bottom before they can truly be helped out of addiction.

Hitting your bottom is something that is defined differently for every person with addiction, however, almost no person who hits their own defined bottom is ever confident of anything. In fact reaching your bottom almost always comes with a huge sense of self doubt as the person starts to fully understand the gravity of the mistakes they have made.

Hopefully it is nothing in your brothers case maybe outside of bravado, but please keep your eye on this. He should not be feeling any sense of confidence this soon.

 

[otb_lifer]

Really just looking for any sort of advice/experiences that anyone here can pass on. We're obviously looking into some sort of support group (although he told my parents that he's very confident that he has turned a corner and can handle this with just us) but any ideas that anyone here can share would be greatly appreciated.

Hi buddy,

Thank you for sharing this story. I am sorry for you and your family but if you all stay strong, you can help him out of this.

I have some experience with family members and addiction.

I want to focus on the line I underlined above as it is a red flag for me.

There is an old rule of thumb. A person needs to hit bottom before they can truly be helped out of addiction.

Hitting your bottom is something that is defined differently for every person with addiction, however, almost no person who hits their own defined bottom is ever confident of anything. In fact reaching your bottom almost always comes with a huge sense of self doubt as the person starts to fully understand the gravity of the mistakes they have made.

Hopefully it is nothing in your brothers case maybe outside of bravado, but please keep your eye on this. He should not be feeling any sense of confidence this soon.

this ^

seems the one thing the brother has under control is the manipulation (hey, i'm confident i've turned a corner!!)

we are masters at that when humming, ya know?

i can sense it here.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Thank you for sharing @TLEF316

I lost my brother after a long drawn out opioid addiction years ago. And I have a close friend who has a gambling addiction. Was 100k+ plus in debt and lost his job over it. One of my close friends has an adult child back in narcotics rehab after 5 years of being clean. It sucks. And I'm unfortunately familiar with addiction. Being there is a huge thing. It sounds like he has a good support network. That's huge. That's often the difference between someone making it and becoming homeless.

There are certainly mixed results but overall, I'm a big fan of the recovery programs. Alcoholics Anonymous, Gambling Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous etc are all similar in it's a structured program with proven techniques to help. And a support network with "sponsors" and such.

Gambling and alcohol are especially tough as it's they're prevalent and so public. You can't turn on the TV or look on the internet without seeing ads and triggers.

Thank you for being there for your brother. If he wants to change, and that's key, it'll be people like you that help it happen.

 

[TLEF316]

Appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice. Obviously you dont know my brother beyond what I've shared here, so its easy (and reasonable) to jump to the worst possible conclusions. I understand that and believe me.....lots of those thoughts have crossed my mind in the past ~30 hours. This is a person I thought I knew incredibly well and he was hiding something very serious from me. I'm not "hurt"......just really confused about how to process and handle this new reality. (and seeing some past events and behaviors from him in a different way)

Just saw him for a few minutes (we separately went over to the golf course to hit some balls, but the sky opened up) and we had a quick talk. Didn't want to force him into the same long conversation I'm sure he had multiple times yesterday (and he's going to our dad's tonight to have an in-person talk and lay out the details of the financial part of the problem). But the one thing I needed him to tell me was that gambling is the only problem here. If he has a drug issue (I really dont think that's the case) or is having any thoughts of hurting himself.....now is the time to tell me. I obviously couldn't live with myself if anything happened. He said that's not the case, and I believe him. I'll certainly be watching like a hawk for any signs, but at this point, I'm taking him at his word. I recognize some may think that's naive on my part (I'm sure many here have seen similar sitautions where the initial "admission" was just the tip of the ice berg) and I certainly respect that opinion.

I'm sure I'll speak with my dad tomorrow after they sit down. He (my dad) trusts my opinion and I think he'll be open to my suggestions. I do agree that he should get some sort of professional help....whether that's a therapist, a support group, etc. I just want a little more time to process my thoughts before I go back to my parents with my suggestions.

It really is just such a jarring situation. If you asked me to describe my brother 2 days ago....words like "manipulator", "addictive personality", "liar" wouldn't even be on the radar. And now I just dont know what to believe. I recognize that things could be SOOOOO much worse (at least based on what I know and believe about his situation right now) but man this is tough.

 

[Mr.Pack]

$15-$20k? A single guy making good coin can handle that fairly easily. I'd bet there's more to this story, maybe a BM bookie? Something seems off. I'm speaking as a guy who was in that hole once many many years ago. Something is not adding up

 

[TLEF316]

$15-$20k? A single guy making good coin can handle that fairly easily. I'd bet there's more to this story, maybe a BM bookie? Something seems off. I'm speaking as a guy who was in that hole once many many years ago. Something is not adding up

Honestly dont know what the actual number is. Just estimating based on the limited info I got.

I dont think the "coming clean" was about the actual number.(as you said.....someone with his profile should be able to consolidate and pay that sort of figure off....assuming he could stop the behavior that got him there in the first place) I think it was more panic setting in when he realized he was truly maxed out with nothing in the bank. But I dont know what the "holy crap" moment actually was.

 

[The Z Machine]

Any update on your brother? Hope he's doing OK.

 

[kutta]

Sorry to hear about your brother. I have the same brother.
Alcoholic, and addicted to gambling. I have so many stories I could share. He finally got into gambler's anonymous and counseling and is doing ok. As others have said, there are ways to permanently ban yourself from the gambling sites. You guys should insist he does that. Of course, there's always others, but at least it would be a start.

And I agree that giving him money is enabling. I did that at first, and finally told him no more. Once he realized that he couldn't get money from me is when he got serious about getting help.

Please keep us posted on yours and his progress.

 

[TLEF316]

Any update on your brother? Hope he's doing OK.

Appreciate the concern.

We're now a little less than 4 months out and it seems like everything is ok. I've steered clear of asking about it too much, as I know he discusses it with my dad (who is kinda keeping an eye on things) and I think our younger brother as well.

By all accounts, he quit cold turkey, closed down all his accounts and hasn't had any backslides. My dad checks his bank statements and credit cards.(and I believe his phone when he sees him)

That being said, this is certainly the easiest part of the year to stay out of trouble. No NFL or basketball to bet on, which was most of his issue. Plus its nice out and he can golf all the time....so the boredom that he said led to a lot of his problems isn't as much of an issue right now. What is also helping that is that he's got a pretty serious girlfriend (That he actually started seeing right before he came clean) that is taking up a lot of his time and attention. Its also my understanding that he reached out to the mental health resources available through his job....but I'm not 100% sure.

Additional details trickled out during the weeks after the admission and some of it is pretty disturbing. He was placing pretty large bets (sometimes like $500 for a single game) and the actual hole was deeper than I originally thought. In addition to the credit card debt(which actually was not that bad) ....he had taken out some high interest loans from some of these shady online lenders. They'll give you thousands of dollars with basically no credit check. So the good news.....he wasn't borrowing from some guy that was gonna come break his legs. The bad news....it was a lot of money that had to be paid back. The family took care of those up front to get him out of the hole (and he is on a plan to pay my dad back). Details aren't my business.....and I know some will say this is enabling (which is certainly a valid opinion) but he's gonna pay it back over time.

I'm very confident that there was no "secondary" problem (drinking....drugs, etc.) If he's still hiding that now, I'm really not sure what to say. I've never seen a shred of physical evidence of it and with my dad monitoring his finances, it would be hard to sneak anything in on that front. Impossible? No. But I really dont think its an issue.

I also dont know who else he has told about his issue. Dont know if the girlfriend knows (I actually haven't met her yet) and I dont know if he's told any of his close friends either. The fall will be the real test. He plays in a lot of fanstasy leagues (my dad has been pushing him to cut back to just the one he's been in with his childhood buddies) and the football/basketball time of year will be the true test of whether he can shake the addiction.

Personally(not that this is at all about me) , I've really struggled on how to deal with it. We still have pretty much the same relationship (golf together several times most weeks....text basically every day....play in a basketball league together) but we've never been really into any sort of deep conversations. So we haven't talked about it much at all since the initial admission. I know its something I should do (at the very least, to check in) but its been tough. Looking back, I also felt really crappy about some stuff I did (that I thought was just joking around) in the weeks leading up to it. Long story short.....we watched the last round of the Masters at my mom's house and he was rooting HARD for Koepka (probably because he had bet on him and needed the pay day). Just to bust his balls....I rooted against him and needled him pretty hard when Brooks blew the lead on Sunday. He was upset afterwards but I didn't think much of it (he had picked Brooks in our small $$ survivor pool, so I assume it was about that) but in retrospect....it might have been one of the last blows that pushed him over the edge.

 

[The Z Machine]

It can be tough to talk about hard things. I struggle with that too with my brother and father.