TLEF316
Footballguy
First off....this is not a "its really about me" situation. Other than a couple of survivor pools and 1 or 2 small money FF leagues,($200 max) gambling on sports has never really appealed to me. And frankly, I've always found people that can't watch a game without having "some action" pretty pathetic on the surface.(not sure if I've ever relayed this thought to my brother in the past.....if I do, I now obviously feel like **** about it0 I did get a little too into online poker back in the hay day (right around the time I graduated college) but that was short lived. Just not my thing.
My younger brother (mid 30's, single, no kids. Lives in a decent condo that to my knowledge....he's been paying the mortgage on) called both my parents last night weeping. For like the first 5 minutes on his call with my dad, he couldn't even get out what was wrong. Dad was concerned he'd gotten some horrible health news, had hit and killed someone with his car, etc.
Turns out he has an online gambling addiction (all legal, thank god. I dont think we're gonna have some Russian bookie showing up to his house) and has hit rock bottom. 4 maxed out credit cards (although apparently at least a couple of them are really small....only a couple of grand. No idea what the total hole is) zero savings (despite being at the same financial services company for almost 10 years and probably making close to $100K now) and just realized that he can't keep it to himself and live the lie anymore.
VERY thankfully (100% recognize that most are nowhere close to this lucky) our family is in the very fortunate situation to be able to help him financially. Details are not important.....but my dad has the money to easily bail him out and will do so. And obviously that's gonna come with him now monitoring his statements, checking his phone, etc. Its gonna be a balance between preventing a relapse and not treating him like a total child.
Obviously I want to help in any way possible. We're very close (live a mile apart, play in a basketball league together, golf together 2-3x most weeks, text all the time) and I just dont know how I possibly missed this so badly. I was 90% sure he had a problem for a while about a decade ago. When he started with this company he had to spend like a year and a half as a trainee up North in the middle of nowhere. None of his friends within 4 hours but a casino 30 minutes away. He was broke when he came back (despite minimal expenses) so I figured it was a problem then. But not a whiff of it since (other than him playing in a LOT of fantasy leagues). I've never seen him on Fanduel, never seen him irritated over a game result (other than his beloved Knicks), never seen him gamble on the golf course. The only sign I really saw that indicated any sort of possible financial trouble could easily be dismissed as something else. (running a 10 year old car into the ground when he could easily afford a new one is the big one I never understood)
As I'm typing this, he sent a long to text to me and our youngest brother briefly explaining the situation. The tone is hopeful and very positive, so I dont THINK we're in any sort of danger here (in terms of a drug problem, suicide, etc.) but it obviously scares the hell out of me. I just never noticed a thing and that worries me. We played golf last night (like 6 hours before he spilled the beans to our parents) and other than his swing being a mess right now.....I just didn't sense a thing was going on. He's a charismatic, popular, friendly, successful guy with a million friends(he's got a long-term crew from childhood/HS that he hangs with all the time. All good guys with young families. No bad influences there as far as I can tell) and it seems like he completely hid this from all of us.
Really just looking for any sort of advice/experiences that anyone here can pass on. We're obviously looking into some sort of support group (although he told my parents that he's very confident that he has turned a corner and can handle this with just us) but any ideas that anyone here can share would be greatly appreciated.
My younger brother (mid 30's, single, no kids. Lives in a decent condo that to my knowledge....he's been paying the mortgage on) called both my parents last night weeping. For like the first 5 minutes on his call with my dad, he couldn't even get out what was wrong. Dad was concerned he'd gotten some horrible health news, had hit and killed someone with his car, etc.
Turns out he has an online gambling addiction (all legal, thank god. I dont think we're gonna have some Russian bookie showing up to his house) and has hit rock bottom. 4 maxed out credit cards (although apparently at least a couple of them are really small....only a couple of grand. No idea what the total hole is) zero savings (despite being at the same financial services company for almost 10 years and probably making close to $100K now) and just realized that he can't keep it to himself and live the lie anymore.
VERY thankfully (100% recognize that most are nowhere close to this lucky) our family is in the very fortunate situation to be able to help him financially. Details are not important.....but my dad has the money to easily bail him out and will do so. And obviously that's gonna come with him now monitoring his statements, checking his phone, etc. Its gonna be a balance between preventing a relapse and not treating him like a total child.
Obviously I want to help in any way possible. We're very close (live a mile apart, play in a basketball league together, golf together 2-3x most weeks, text all the time) and I just dont know how I possibly missed this so badly. I was 90% sure he had a problem for a while about a decade ago. When he started with this company he had to spend like a year and a half as a trainee up North in the middle of nowhere. None of his friends within 4 hours but a casino 30 minutes away. He was broke when he came back (despite minimal expenses) so I figured it was a problem then. But not a whiff of it since (other than him playing in a LOT of fantasy leagues). I've never seen him on Fanduel, never seen him irritated over a game result (other than his beloved Knicks), never seen him gamble on the golf course. The only sign I really saw that indicated any sort of possible financial trouble could easily be dismissed as something else. (running a 10 year old car into the ground when he could easily afford a new one is the big one I never understood)
As I'm typing this, he sent a long to text to me and our youngest brother briefly explaining the situation. The tone is hopeful and very positive, so I dont THINK we're in any sort of danger here (in terms of a drug problem, suicide, etc.) but it obviously scares the hell out of me. I just never noticed a thing and that worries me. We played golf last night (like 6 hours before he spilled the beans to our parents) and other than his swing being a mess right now.....I just didn't sense a thing was going on. He's a charismatic, popular, friendly, successful guy with a million friends(he's got a long-term crew from childhood/HS that he hangs with all the time. All good guys with young families. No bad influences there as far as I can tell) and it seems like he completely hid this from all of us.
Really just looking for any sort of advice/experiences that anyone here can pass on. We're obviously looking into some sort of support group (although he told my parents that he's very confident that he has turned a corner and can handle this with just us) but any ideas that anyone here can share would be greatly appreciated.