Terminalxylem
Footballguy
My mother-in-law passed away 3 years ago, and FIL has lived alone ever since. He’s almost 80, and generally in good health, but has early dementia, manifest by terrible short term memory (left car running in the driveway/parking lot a couple times, for example, and needs to write nearly every bit of new information down, lest he immediately forget). He’s also very quirky, but an extremely kind-hearted, generous man.
A couple of months ago, while at lunch with my wife and I, he announces he’s getting remarried. He had never even mentioned interest in dating, so we were taken aback. It only got worse, when he explained he had only recently reconnected with this woman via email. He hadn’t actually seen her since their single date over 50 years ago, before he married my MIL. And she lives in CO, but neither intended on leaving their home states (he’s in HI).
My wife became tearful, and told him he was being unreasonable. He appeared to know hardly anything about this woman, other than a remote fling, yet was ready for marriage?
Within a few days he “called it off”, in part because he didn’t want to upset my wife, his only child.
Fast forward a month, and my wife receives a call from her maternal cousin, FIL’s niece. She explains an embarrassing conversation she had with him, where he suggested they marry. She quickly dismissed the proposal and ended the call, but contacted us to ensure everything was OK.
Initially floored by her father’s advances on a relative, she and her cousin eventually laughed at the absurdity. FIL played it off when confronted, and the awkwardness of the situation was too much for my wife to pursue further.
And last week, while the wife and I are enjoying a relaxing vacation with friends, she receives a text from her dad. He’s engaged again, this time to a woman he met two weeks ago at dancing class, in which he enrolled while we were away.
She calls him, again emotional, and he tells her to calm down. He goes on to explain he doesn’t have much time left, so can’t “slow down” for a protracted dating period. He wants her to move in ASAP, but they must be married quickly, in part because “the temptation will be too great”. He’s a devoutly religious man, so premarital carnality is verboten.
Yesterday we ate lunch with him, and he brought an unannounced guest…his fiancee. She seemed pretty normal. The conversation was casual, with no talk of pending nuptials. But she didn’t exactly endear herself to my wife, when she offered to style her hair (she previously worked a cosmetologist). Mrs. Xylem took that to mean her hair looked bad.
My wife has come to accept her dad is lonely, and wants him to be happy. Still, she thinks he’s being impulsive, and needs to slow down to get to know this woman better before marriage.
Tl;dr FIL, widowed 3 years ago, abruptly decides he wants to get remarried, with proposals to three separate women in ~3 months. What are your thoughts/experiences with parents getting remarried? How long is an appropriate courtship when you’re nearly 80?
A couple of months ago, while at lunch with my wife and I, he announces he’s getting remarried. He had never even mentioned interest in dating, so we were taken aback. It only got worse, when he explained he had only recently reconnected with this woman via email. He hadn’t actually seen her since their single date over 50 years ago, before he married my MIL. And she lives in CO, but neither intended on leaving their home states (he’s in HI).
My wife became tearful, and told him he was being unreasonable. He appeared to know hardly anything about this woman, other than a remote fling, yet was ready for marriage?
Within a few days he “called it off”, in part because he didn’t want to upset my wife, his only child.
Fast forward a month, and my wife receives a call from her maternal cousin, FIL’s niece. She explains an embarrassing conversation she had with him, where he suggested they marry. She quickly dismissed the proposal and ended the call, but contacted us to ensure everything was OK.
Initially floored by her father’s advances on a relative, she and her cousin eventually laughed at the absurdity. FIL played it off when confronted, and the awkwardness of the situation was too much for my wife to pursue further.
And last week, while the wife and I are enjoying a relaxing vacation with friends, she receives a text from her dad. He’s engaged again, this time to a woman he met two weeks ago at dancing class, in which he enrolled while we were away.
She calls him, again emotional, and he tells her to calm down. He goes on to explain he doesn’t have much time left, so can’t “slow down” for a protracted dating period. He wants her to move in ASAP, but they must be married quickly, in part because “the temptation will be too great”. He’s a devoutly religious man, so premarital carnality is verboten.
Yesterday we ate lunch with him, and he brought an unannounced guest…his fiancee. She seemed pretty normal. The conversation was casual, with no talk of pending nuptials. But she didn’t exactly endear herself to my wife, when she offered to style her hair (she previously worked a cosmetologist). Mrs. Xylem took that to mean her hair looked bad.
My wife has come to accept her dad is lonely, and wants him to be happy. Still, she thinks he’s being impulsive, and needs to slow down to get to know this woman better before marriage.
Tl;dr FIL, widowed 3 years ago, abruptly decides he wants to get remarried, with proposals to three separate women in ~3 months. What are your thoughts/experiences with parents getting remarried? How long is an appropriate courtship when you’re nearly 80?
of the niece before we jump to a diagnosis, doctor.
talk about awkward 
and IMHO, its a good conversation to have. my FIL died with zero will, instructions, etc. my wife was named executor. which meant i was the executor. there were 5 siblings. 2 were very uncooperative. good times.
