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Don't take parenting advice from 7th graders. Discuss with the teacher or school, whatever's appropriate. Other kid is apparently trying to make something of nothing, but if your kid feels like "everyone at school is pointing him out as the racist kid" then it's reached the point where it should be addressed.
something of nothing, or could have misheard or misunderstood your son.
I kind of agree with you but didn’t want to respond. I’m not a fan of that word but my sons all like rap songs and well, it’s a very featured word. I also know that even in 7th grade, they would have known better than to say it back and what the other boy meant. It sucks, but an apology or talk with the other boy might be the only resolution.
Seriously? The other boy was greeting him and while yes, it’s not how I’d want my sons to be greeted, I think they’d just just say what’s up or hey dude back. To say the N word back and possibly saying it in a way the connotes to never call me that because I’m in no way like you, the reaction isn’t that surprising.
I had a bunch of black friends including one of my best friends, even in my pasty white high school, so I get what you are saying.
This seems like the best advice to me. Bullies enjoy getting a reaction from their victims. The son needs to adjust his approach to the situation. Helping him to understand why his initial response was wrong is where I would start. If he still thinks his initial response was fine then he'll probably run into similar problems in the future. How would going to the school or teacher be beneficial? Wouldn't that just give the bullies more ammunition?
Welcome to the world and I’ll be honest, I’m surprised you don’t get it. In the other boy’s mind it was a casual greeting that was not only rebuffed, but the word was used again in a negative way. Let’s replace the word with friend:
This is crazy. I understand what you are trying to say but everyone should know that the n-word has a different meaning (even when being used by blacks as a casual greeting). To then respond that you don't want that word used shouldn't be taken in any negative way. I don't even see how it could be taken negatively. This just seems way too crazy to me.
Right on. The responder wasn't responding in a negative way.
I could agree with the first part. Taking the high road - even/especially when you don't have to - is good conflict resolution.
Right, so what's the right answer? Digging in your heels and making things an even bigger deal, or trying to come to a resolution with the other kid? Because forcing something through the school doesn't seem like it's really going to resolve the issue for his son every day. Don't get me wrong, I think the other kid is 99% at fault here, but recognizing that his kid did at least a little bit to escalate the situation is still a good learning experience and can be used to de-escalate the situation.
It has a better chance of doing so than leaving it up to children.
well said, and I agree... except I don't think you can even get most adults to achieve that level of civility, let alone some pimply faced moron 7th grader (I'm talking about my own kids here... I'm sure all of yours are social geniuses)- especially around a topic like race. imo, speaking to an adult/teacher to help get things explained isn't a bad thing.
We're currently watching Killing Eve. Pro tip - don't accuse sociopaths of being a sociopath.
Well I kind of assumed the OP would be helping to guide his son not just sending him off to figure it out on his own, but I don't disagree that having the two boys with a guidance councilor would be a good thing. I think bringing in the Principal to do it just makes it seem a little too authoritative if the goal is to hopefully educate both boys and resolve the conflict. Just my
See @Foosball God ‘s post above. Don’t call me N word is easy to misinterpret, regardless of actual intent. Also, that statement is not exactly the same as “you don’t want that word used” as you said. You are adding extra meaning that the other boy didn’t hear. Please don’t call me that or I’m uncomfortable with that word is a lot different than don’t call me N word.
I don't think that is a racial divide issue. I think that is the country being selfish (on all sides) mode. They only care about themselves and don't take intent of other people into account. Yes, I am including myself into that.
I’m sorry, but even as a white guy growing up in a predominantly white area, we don’t see eye to eye on this. In no way am I saying the OP’s son meant any harm, but it’s amazing to me that you can’t see how this is taken the wrong way by a black boy. Calling him a bully? Feigning offense? Damn.
While I agree that if everyone thought about other people’s feelings, we’d be in a much nicer place, I still think it’s a racial divide when white people say I can’t possibly understand why black people take it that way.
If you said Hey friend! and the response was Don’t call me friend, would you consider that a negative response? Add in the N word and you get what you got. It’s really that simple.
But it's not that simple because of the word being used. The N-word is nowhere near "friend". It's not a simple substitution for word play.
Exactly. Seems so easy to get how it could be interpreted and heck the other boy may not have even said this kid’s racist. He may have just relayed exactly what was said to his other friends and everyone thought the same thing.
Right, it’s not but I’m just trying to show how “Don’t call me X” is a negative response to a what’s up greeting.
So what would have happened had the response been a good natured, "Doing fine, ######!"?
