Parents of 10yo Girl Not Happy With Their Soccer Coach--Your Thoughts? (1 Viewer)

[B-Deep]

10 year old girls soccer is serious business, never doubt that

 

[SacramentoBob]

Winner> bigbottom

:bangsgavel:

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

I hate it when my i-friends and brick and mortar friends fight. Hug it out, guys.

Have we even determined what the coach said to the mother? It seems to me that the father's email understood the policy. All the coach says is that the mother was aggressive and said "you have to take my daughter out." Seems to me if the coach reacted to that with profanity, then he does owe the parents an apology.

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

 

[DocHolliday]

The coach did the right thing on the field but missed with his email. No need to write a novel when 2 or 3 sentences suffice.

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

I hate it when my i-friends and brick and mortar friends fight. Hug it out, guys.

Have we even determined what the coach said to the mother? It seems to me that the father's email understood the policy. All the coach says is that the mother was aggressive and said "you have to take my daughter out." Seems to me if the coach reacted to that with profanity, then he does owe the parents an apology.

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

This seems like a rec league and I don't get the impression that there is a lot of time for practice. It also seems like they give up a lot of goals, so my guess is that this team gets the snot kicked out of them a lot.

It is not like the coach is going to be attending a boat load of clinics to get up to speed on what to do. My best guess from coaching youth sports is that there aren't a lot of parents clamoring to coach or have a clue how to help, so it is easier to 2nd guess. The coach has at least played before and sounds like he is doing his best.

Ever watched 10 year old girls play sports? Uggh.

 

[StrikeS2k]

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

I don't think the coach ever said it was the only solution. It was the way he's chosen to run his team. He set forth the policy at the beginning of the season and every other girl has had their turn in goal. He felt it wouldn't be fair to not impose the same requirement of this girl. And, given that he'd already set the policy, I agree with him.

 

[bigbottom]

Great. You win. Case closed.

How about this, it sounds like the coach knows a lot about the sport and skills associated with it as well as having a understanding of what it take to build teamwork and confidence. I humbly suggest that he spend a few hours with high school and college coaches of women and girls and discuss the best way to handle young girls reluctant to face failure in a spotlight position. I think he will hear about how the female athletes they coach are often perfectionists, are incredibly hard on themselves, would walk through fire for their teammates and coaches, will play hurt beyond any male athlete, and that the manner in which you instill confidence and purpose in young women is far different than his experience as a male athlete and the coaches to whom he responded well. At least that was my experience coaching high school girls when I was teacher and continues to be what I hear when I go to clinics taught by such coaches, including the one I went to yesterday.I do not think such conversations will alter the basic way he coaches but it will change, on the margins, the way he approaches his team and he will get those girls to do just about anything for the team with much greater ease than he could with boys. I think they may have suggestions concerning how he may be able to tweak his goalie policy and his coaching of the position in such a way that he could get the vast majority of his girls, even if reluctantly, to try the position. I think he would also be able to better understand how far to push his girls in order to inspire the type remarkable strength girls display in sports without crushing them and having them give up on the sport. He could also bring in a high school player who can get the girls to do just about anything. I wouldn't be surprised, if he is the type of competitor described, that he isn't already thinking about these things because he likely really wants his girls to be very good at the sport.

This is great stuff. A lot of very good points here, and an informative expansion I think on the points that fatguy raised earlier. If this had been your post, that the coach's policy wasn't ideal or optimal and he should consider tweaking it for the reasons you've described, I'm sure the response you received would have been very different. Stating instead that the coach's policy was "dumb," that his policy is what is wrong with youth sports today (however hyperbolic), and that the coach let the girl down, it was inevitable that people would take issue. In fact, based on this most recent post, I don't think you even believe that the policy is inherently "dumb" or that the coach let the girl down in any substantive way. Rather, your point is that there may be a better, more productive way to approach the issue. I don't disagree with that. And, of course, there's always bribery! In any event, thanks for elaborating on your point. I think it was helpful to the discussion.

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

I hate it when my i-friends and brick and mortar friends fight. Hug it out, guys.

Have we even determined what the coach said to the mother? It seems to me that the father's email understood the policy. All the coach says is that the mother was aggressive and said "you have to take my daughter out." Seems to me if the coach reacted to that with profanity, then he does owe the parents an apology.

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

Ever watched 10 year old girls play sports? Uggh.

Yes. I have. And I've assistant coached 6 year old girls (we didn't have goalies then). That's one reason why I don't buy the coach's long manifesto about how he needed to concentrate on substitutions. It's rec league. The world keeps turning if you screw it up. We also had some practices.

I'm also less swayed by the argument that the mother didn't object when she saw the policy. I'm a cold-blooded Vulcan who thinks kids should work stuff out for themselves, but I'm also not a parent and not under the illusion that everybody thinks like I do. It seems perfectly understandable (to me) that a parent wouldn't note the policy when it was announced but would feel differently when her daughter is bawling on the field in front of her. Whether I think its best for the kid for the mother to intervene in that situation or not is irrelevant. Some will and some won't. I still think its incumbent upon a coach to treat a parent with respect. The coach wrote an awfully long email but I was struck that he didn't really address the crux of the father's email, which is that he may have verbally abused the mother.

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

I hate it when my i-friends and brick and mortar friends fight. Hug it out, guys.

Have we even determined what the coach said to the mother? It seems to me that the father's email understood the policy. All the coach says is that the mother was aggressive and said "you have to take my daughter out." Seems to me if the coach reacted to that with profanity, then he does owe the parents an apology.

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

Ever watched 10 year old girls play sports? Uggh.

Yes. I have. And I've assistant coached 6 year old girls (we didn't have goalies then). That's one reason why I don't buy the coach's long manifesto about how he needed to concentrate on substitutions. It's rec league. The world keeps turning if you screw it up. We also had some practices.

I'm also less swayed by the argument that the mother didn't object when she saw the policy. I'm a cold-blooded Vulcan who thinks kids should work stuff out for themselves, but I'm also not a parent and not under the illusion that everybody thinks like I do. It seems perfectly understandable (to me) that a parent wouldn't note the policy when it was announced but would feel differently when her daughter is bawling on the field in front of her. Whether I think its best for the kid for the mother to intervene in that situation or not is irrelevant. Some will and some won't. I still think its incumbent upon a coach to treat a parent with respect. The coach wrote an awfully long email but I was struck that he didn't really address the crux of the father's email, which is that he may have verbally abused the mother.

Yet, I have not seen a single thing that indicated that any verbal abuse occurred. The husband with no-balls didn't even mention it. It sounds like the mom felt that she was disrespected because she did not get her way. If the coach was verbally abusive, then why wouldn't the husband have talked to the coach after the game? Maybe he wasn't there?

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

I hate it when my i-friends and brick and mortar friends fight. Hug it out, guys.

Have we even determined what the coach said to the mother? It seems to me that the father's email understood the policy. All the coach says is that the mother was aggressive and said "you have to take my daughter out." Seems to me if the coach reacted to that with profanity, then he does owe the parents an apology.

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

Ever watched 10 year old girls play sports? Uggh.

Yes. I have. And I've assistant coached 6 year old girls (we didn't have goalies then). That's one reason why I don't buy the coach's long manifesto about how he needed to concentrate on substitutions. It's rec league. The world keeps turning if you screw it up. We also had some practices.

I'm also less swayed by the argument that the mother didn't object when she saw the policy. I'm a cold-blooded Vulcan who thinks kids should work stuff out for themselves, but I'm also not a parent and not under the illusion that everybody thinks like I do. It seems perfectly understandable (to me) that a parent wouldn't note the policy when it was announced but would feel differently when her daughter is bawling on the field in front of her. Whether I think its best for the kid for the mother to intervene in that situation or not is irrelevant. Some will and some won't. I still think its incumbent upon a coach to treat a parent with respect. The coach wrote an awfully long email but I was struck that he didn't really address the crux of the father's email, which is that he may have verbally abused the mother.

Yet, I have not seen a single thing that indicated that any verbal abuse occurred. The husband with no-balls didn't even mention it. It sounds like the mom felt that she was disrespected because she did not get her way. If the coach was verbally abusive, then why wouldn't the husband have talked to the coach after the game? Maybe he wasn't there?

What do you think this means?

I believe you're right to put every girl in at goal BUT what I can not believe is how you spoke to my wife. It was rude and unacceptable. You should be ashamed of yourself and I think you owe her an apology.

Obviously, we don't know what the coach said, but that certainly seems to be the gist of the father's email.

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

I hate it when my i-friends and brick and mortar friends fight. Hug it out, guys.

Have we even determined what the coach said to the mother? It seems to me that the father's email understood the policy. All the coach says is that the mother was aggressive and said "you have to take my daughter out." Seems to me if the coach reacted to that with profanity, then he does owe the parents an apology.

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

Ever watched 10 year old girls play sports? Uggh.

Yes. I have. And I've assistant coached 6 year old girls (we didn't have goalies then). That's one reason why I don't buy the coach's long manifesto about how he needed to concentrate on substitutions. It's rec league. The world keeps turning if you screw it up. We also had some practices.

I'm also less swayed by the argument that the mother didn't object when she saw the policy. I'm a cold-blooded Vulcan who thinks kids should work stuff out for themselves, but I'm also not a parent and not under the illusion that everybody thinks like I do. It seems perfectly understandable (to me) that a parent wouldn't note the policy when it was announced but would feel differently when her daughter is bawling on the field in front of her. Whether I think its best for the kid for the mother to intervene in that situation or not is irrelevant. Some will and some won't. I still think its incumbent upon a coach to treat a parent with respect. The coach wrote an awfully long email but I was struck that he didn't really address the crux of the father's email, which is that he may have verbally abused the mother.

Yet, I have not seen a single thing that indicated that any verbal abuse occurred. The husband with no-balls didn't even mention it. It sounds like the mom felt that she was disrespected because she did not get her way. If the coach was verbally abusive, then why wouldn't the husband have talked to the coach after the game? Maybe he wasn't there?

What do you think this means?

I believe you're right to put every girl in at goal BUT what I can not believe is how you spoke to my wife. It was rude and unacceptable. You should be ashamed of yourself and I think you owe her an apology.

Obviously, we don't know what the coach said, but that certainly seems to be the gist of the father's email.

...and yet the coach indicated that the wife approached him during the game and told him to get her daughter out of the game. I would imagine that, even if he told her to pound sand, that he was not "verbally abusing" her. No one indicated that profanity was used.

To me, this is a disagreement between two adults and one adult did not like the outcome, so she got her panties in a bunch. If she is going to approach the coach in the middle of the game like that, she should be expected to be spoken to with the same amount of respect as she is giving. From what the coach wrote, I think that is what he is saying.

 

[chet]

This is how I think things went down:

M: You have to take her out.

C: Who are you?

M: XXXX's mom. You have to take her out. She's miserable out there.

C: I am not taking her out. She's playing goalie this half.

M: You need to take her out. I demand it.

C: I am trying to coach here. I don't have time to talk to you. She's staying in. If you want to talk to me after the game, feel free but as of now, this conversation is over.

Again, this is my guess as to how the conversation went down. I know there was no profanity. He was brusque and probably didn't give her the time of day or give any thought to her demands. As I said above, he played team sports at a very high level, and grew up in a world where coaches are at the top of the food chain. This doesn't always translate well for rec sports but he takes his role seriously and I know he wants the best for his team and the development of his players.

 

[SeaDogStat]

The coach has a dumb policy. He assumes all kids dislike the position at the same rate and therefore it is fair only if all share equally in covering the position. So the girl that dislikes the position is treated the same as the girl that has a debilitating anxiety attack at the thought of being placed in that position. So she quits because she is not "tough enough" to handle it at 10 years old. I would suggest that is the type of coaching philosophy that is at the root of the problems with youth sports.

I think we found "the wife"

 

[B-Deep]

I hate it when my i-friends and brick and mortar friends fight. Hug it out, guys.

Have we even determined what the coach said to the mother? It seems to me that the father's email understood the policy. All the coach says is that the mother was aggressive and said "you have to take my daughter out." Seems to me if the coach reacted to that with profanity, then he does owe the parents an apology.

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

Ever watched 10 year old girls play sports? Uggh.

Yes. I have. And I've assistant coached 6 year old girls (we didn't have goalies then). That's one reason why I don't buy the coach's long manifesto about how he needed to concentrate on substitutions. It's rec league. The world keeps turning if you screw it up. We also had some practices.

I'm also less swayed by the argument that the mother didn't object when she saw the policy. I'm a cold-blooded Vulcan who thinks kids should work stuff out for themselves, but I'm also not a parent and not under the illusion that everybody thinks like I do. It seems perfectly understandable (to me) that a parent wouldn't note the policy when it was announced but would feel differently when her daughter is bawling on the field in front of her. Whether I think its best for the kid for the mother to intervene in that situation or not is irrelevant. Some will and some won't. I still think its incumbent upon a coach to treat a parent with respect. The coach wrote an awfully long email but I was struck that he didn't really address the crux of the father's email, which is that he may have verbally abused the mother.

Yet, I have not seen a single thing that indicated that any verbal abuse occurred. The husband with no-balls didn't even mention it. It sounds like the mom felt that she was disrespected because she did not get her way. If the coach was verbally abusive, then why wouldn't the husband have talked to the coach after the game? Maybe he wasn't there?

What do you think this means?

I believe you're right to put every girl in at goal BUT what I can not believe is how you spoke to my wife. It was rude and unacceptable. You should be ashamed of yourself and I think you owe her an apology.

Obviously, we don't know what the coach said, but that certainly seems to be the gist of the father's email.

...and yet the coach indicated that the wife approached him during the game and told him to get her daughter out of the game. I would imagine that, even if he told her to pound sand, that he was not "verbally abusing" her. No one indicated that profanity was used.

To me, this is a disagreement between two adults and one adult did not like the outcome, so she got her panties in a bunch. If she is going to approach the coach in the middle of the game like that, she should be expected to be spoken to with the same amount of respect as she is giving. From what the coach wrote, I think that is what he is saying.

sorry

but parents are part of the deal when you are coaching kids. the whole "i am so consumed by the effort of coaching a soccer team of 10 year olds that i cannot be bothered to have other thoughts " thing is a bit ridiculous. It is a kids soccer game, not the FIFA world cup.

Would it be nice if parents left coaches alone, sure. But these are their kids and part of your job is dealing with the parents

That being said no one knows how things went between them. It may have been just as you guessed, or maybe he was rude. We really have no indication.

 

[DocHolliday]

The coach has a dumb policy. He assumes all kids dislike the position at the same rate and therefore it is fair only if all share equally in covering the position. So the girl that dislikes the position is treated the same as the girl that has a debilitating anxiety attack at the thought of being placed in that position. So she quits because she is not "tough enough" to handle it at 10 years old. I would suggest that is the type of coaching philosophy that is at the root of the problems with youth sports.

I think we found "the wife"

I always assumed that tdog was a boy's name. Go figure.

 

[msudaisy26]

The coach has a dumb policy. He assumes all kids dislike the position at the same rate and therefore it is fair only if all share equally in covering the position. So the girl that dislikes the position is treated the same as the girl that has a debilitating anxiety attack at the thought of being placed in that position. So she quits because she is not "tough enough" to handle it at 10 years old. I would suggest that is the type of coaching philosophy that is at the root of the problems with youth sports.

I think we found "the wife"

I think we found the dumb part of the statement. He is a coach of 10 year old girls and has children of his own. He probably doesn't get paid to coach this team either and even if he did I doubt it is enough money to quit his day job. So on top of raising his own family, working full time and coaching people like this mother and tdog want him to have a masters in psychology and take the time to talk to each girl and find out if there is a one in a million chance that putting the girl in goal will damage her for life or if they are just being 10 year olds and whining about playing goalie to get out of it.

Maybe the parents should be parents. If your child plays a sport take a night or 2 and tell them about the sport, go over the positions with them. Go to the backyard and the park and find out if they like it. If they are that afraid of doing something with the sport then you tell them to try a different sport.

 

[SeaDogStat]

Everyone forgetting that the absentee father wasn't even there to support his daughter's big day in goal... Maybe if he had, he would have been able to talk his wife down off the ledge but instead, I'll make a huge jump to the conclusion that he is emasculated and his wife runs the show so he doesn't go to the games to be further emasculated in front of all the other soccer parents.

 

[Bull Dozier]

I hate it when my i-friends and brick and mortar friends fight. Hug it out, guys.

Have we even determined what the coach said to the mother? It seems to me that the father's email understood the policy. All the coach says is that the mother was aggressive and said "you have to take my daughter out." Seems to me if the coach reacted to that with profanity, then he does owe the parents an apology.

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

Ever watched 10 year old girls play sports? Uggh.

Yes. I have. And I've assistant coached 6 year old girls (we didn't have goalies then). That's one reason why I don't buy the coach's long manifesto about how he needed to concentrate on substitutions. It's rec league. The world keeps turning if you screw it up. We also had some practices.

I'm also less swayed by the argument that the mother didn't object when she saw the policy. I'm a cold-blooded Vulcan who thinks kids should work stuff out for themselves, but I'm also not a parent and not under the illusion that everybody thinks like I do. It seems perfectly understandable (to me) that a parent wouldn't note the policy when it was announced but would feel differently when her daughter is bawling on the field in front of her. Whether I think its best for the kid for the mother to intervene in that situation or not is irrelevant. Some will and some won't. I still think its incumbent upon a coach to treat a parent with respect. The coach wrote an awfully long email but I was struck that he didn't really address the crux of the father's email, which is that he may have verbally abused the mother.

Yet, I have not seen a single thing that indicated that any verbal abuse occurred. The husband with no-balls didn't even mention it. It sounds like the mom felt that she was disrespected because she did not get her way. If the coach was verbally abusive, then why wouldn't the husband have talked to the coach after the game? Maybe he wasn't there?

What do you think this means?

I believe you're right to put every girl in at goal BUT what I can not believe is how you spoke to my wife. It was rude and unacceptable. You should be ashamed of yourself and I think you owe her an apology.

Obviously, we don't know what the coach said, but that certainly seems to be the gist of the father's email.

...and yet the coach indicated that the wife approached him during the game and told him to get her daughter out of the game. I would imagine that, even if he told her to pound sand, that he was not "verbally abusing" her. No one indicated that profanity was used.

To me, this is a disagreement between two adults and one adult did not like the outcome, so she got her panties in a bunch. If she is going to approach the coach in the middle of the game like that, she should be expected to be spoken to with the same amount of respect as she is giving. From what the coach wrote, I think that is what he is saying.

sorry

but parents are part of the deal when you are coaching kids. the whole "i am so consumed by the effort of coaching a soccer team of 10 year olds that i cannot be bothered to have other thoughts " thing is a bit ridiculous. It is a kids soccer game, not the FIFA world cup.

Would it be nice if parents left coaches alone, sure. But these are their kids and part of your job is dealing with the parents

That being said no one knows how things went between them. It may have been just as you guessed, or maybe he was rude. We really have no indication.

When I coach, one of the points I always give parents is the 24 hour rule. Do not contact me within 24 hours of the incident that needs discussion (usually a game). Feelings are always most heated right at that point, and constructive discussion of the issue at hand isn't going to happen right in the heat of the moment. Wait 24 hours to bring it up so we can discuss it with a little perspective.

Obviously not all coaches communicate this idea, and even not all parents will buy into it. However, unless the physical safety of the child is in danger, a parent should never intervene during a game. If the child is in emotional danger from playing goalie for a soccer game, she should probably not be participating in team sports.

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

I hate it when my i-friends and brick and mortar friends fight. Hug it out, guys.

Have we even determined what the coach said to the mother? It seems to me that the father's email understood the policy. All the coach says is that the mother was aggressive and said "you have to take my daughter out." Seems to me if the coach reacted to that with profanity, then he does owe the parents an apology.

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

Ever watched 10 year old girls play sports? Uggh.

Yes. I have. And I've assistant coached 6 year old girls (we didn't have goalies then). That's one reason why I don't buy the coach's long manifesto about how he needed to concentrate on substitutions. It's rec league. The world keeps turning if you screw it up. We also had some practices.

I'm also less swayed by the argument that the mother didn't object when she saw the policy. I'm a cold-blooded Vulcan who thinks kids should work stuff out for themselves, but I'm also not a parent and not under the illusion that everybody thinks like I do. It seems perfectly understandable (to me) that a parent wouldn't note the policy when it was announced but would feel differently when her daughter is bawling on the field in front of her. Whether I think its best for the kid for the mother to intervene in that situation or not is irrelevant. Some will and some won't. I still think its incumbent upon a coach to treat a parent with respect. The coach wrote an awfully long email but I was struck that he didn't really address the crux of the father's email, which is that he may have verbally abused the mother.

Yet, I have not seen a single thing that indicated that any verbal abuse occurred. The husband with no-balls didn't even mention it. It sounds like the mom felt that she was disrespected because she did not get her way. If the coach was verbally abusive, then why wouldn't the husband have talked to the coach after the game? Maybe he wasn't there?

What do you think this means?

I believe you're right to put every girl in at goal BUT what I can not believe is how you spoke to my wife. It was rude and unacceptable. You should be ashamed of yourself and I think you owe her an apology.

Obviously, we don't know what the coach said, but that certainly seems to be the gist of the father's email.

...and yet the coach indicated that the wife approached him during the game and told him to get her daughter out of the game. I would imagine that, even if he told her to pound sand, that he was not "verbally abusing" her. No one indicated that profanity was used.

To me, this is a disagreement between two adults and one adult did not like the outcome, so she got her panties in a bunch. If she is going to approach the coach in the middle of the game like that, she should be expected to be spoken to with the same amount of respect as she is giving. From what the coach wrote, I think that is what he is saying.

sorry

but parents are part of the deal when you are coaching kids. the whole "i am so consumed by the effort of coaching a soccer team of 10 year olds that i cannot be bothered to have other thoughts " thing is a bit ridiculous. It is a kids soccer game, not the FIFA world cup.

Would it be nice if parents left coaches alone, sure. But these are their kids and part of your job is dealing with the parents

That being said no one knows how things went between them. It may have been just as you guessed, or maybe he was rude. We really have no indication.

I have to agree with the coach. When the game is going on, don't bug me, although it depends on the sport. If it is baseball, there is plenty of time to listen if someone has a though. In basketball, I barely have 3 seconds to talk with my assistant. If it is football, forget it until after the game.

Dealing with parents is absolutely part of coaching. However, it is usually something that you address at the beginning of the season by explaining your philosophy and how to communicate with you during the season. I have a rule for kids and parents alike. Do not ask me if you (your kid) can play "xxxx" position during the course of a game.

 

[Fennis]

The coach has a dumb policy. He assumes all kids dislike the position at the same rate and therefore it is fair only if all share equally in covering the position. So the girl that dislikes the position is treated the same as the girl that has a debilitating anxiety attack at the thought of being placed in that position. So she quits because she is not "tough enough" to handle it at 10 years old. I would suggest that is the type of coaching philosophy that is at the root of the problems with youth sports.

I think we found "the wife"

I think we found the dumb part of the statement. He is a coach of 10 year old girls and has children of his own. He probably doesn't get paid to coach this team either and even if he did I doubt it is enough money to quit his day job. So on top of raising his own family, working full time and coaching people like this mother and tdog want him to have a masters in psychology and take the time to talk to each girl and find out if there is a one in a million chance that putting the girl in goal will damage her for life or if they are just being 10 year olds and whining about playing goalie to get out of it.

Maybe the parents should be parents. If your child plays a sport take a night or 2 and tell them about the sport, go over the positions with them. Go to the backyard and the park and find out if they like it. If they are that afraid of doing something with the sport then you tell them to try a different sport.

OP said the coach makes his living coaching 10 year old girl soccer

 

[chet]

The coach has a dumb policy. He assumes all kids dislike the position at the same rate and therefore it is fair only if all share equally in covering the position. So the girl that dislikes the position is treated the same as the girl that has a debilitating anxiety attack at the thought of being placed in that position. So she quits because she is not "tough enough" to handle it at 10 years old. I would suggest that is the type of coaching philosophy that is at the root of the problems with youth sports.

I think we found "the wife"

I think we found the dumb part of the statement. He is a coach of 10 year old girls and has children of his own. He probably doesn't get paid to coach this team either and even if he did I doubt it is enough money to quit his day job. So on top of raising his own family, working full time and coaching people like this mother and tdog want him to have a masters in psychology and take the time to talk to each girl and find out if there is a one in a million chance that putting the girl in goal will damage her for life or if they are just being 10 year olds and whining about playing goalie to get out of it.

Maybe the parents should be parents. If your child plays a sport take a night or 2 and tell them about the sport, go over the positions with them. Go to the backyard and the park and find out if they like it. If they are that afraid of doing something with the sport then you tell them to try a different sport.

OP said the coach makes his living coaching 10 year old girl soccer

Wat?

No. He is a volunteer as are most coaches at this level.

 

[B-Deep]

I hate it when my i-friends and brick and mortar friends fight. Hug it out, guys.

Have we even determined what the coach said to the mother? It seems to me that the father's email understood the policy. All the coach says is that the mother was aggressive and said "you have to take my daughter out." Seems to me if the coach reacted to that with profanity, then he does owe the parents an apology.

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

Ever watched 10 year old girls play sports? Uggh.

Yes. I have. And I've assistant coached 6 year old girls (we didn't have goalies then). That's one reason why I don't buy the coach's long manifesto about how he needed to concentrate on substitutions. It's rec league. The world keeps turning if you screw it up. We also had some practices.

I'm also less swayed by the argument that the mother didn't object when she saw the policy. I'm a cold-blooded Vulcan who thinks kids should work stuff out for themselves, but I'm also not a parent and not under the illusion that everybody thinks like I do. It seems perfectly understandable (to me) that a parent wouldn't note the policy when it was announced but would feel differently when her daughter is bawling on the field in front of her. Whether I think its best for the kid for the mother to intervene in that situation or not is irrelevant. Some will and some won't. I still think its incumbent upon a coach to treat a parent with respect. The coach wrote an awfully long email but I was struck that he didn't really address the crux of the father's email, which is that he may have verbally abused the mother.

Yet, I have not seen a single thing that indicated that any verbal abuse occurred. The husband with no-balls didn't even mention it. It sounds like the mom felt that she was disrespected because she did not get her way. If the coach was verbally abusive, then why wouldn't the husband have talked to the coach after the game? Maybe he wasn't there?

What do you think this means?

I believe you're right to put every girl in at goal BUT what I can not believe is how you spoke to my wife. It was rude and unacceptable. You should be ashamed of yourself and I think you owe her an apology.

Obviously, we don't know what the coach said, but that certainly seems to be the gist of the father's email.

...and yet the coach indicated that the wife approached him during the game and told him to get her daughter out of the game. I would imagine that, even if he told her to pound sand, that he was not "verbally abusing" her. No one indicated that profanity was used.

To me, this is a disagreement between two adults and one adult did not like the outcome, so she got her panties in a bunch. If she is going to approach the coach in the middle of the game like that, she should be expected to be spoken to with the same amount of respect as she is giving. From what the coach wrote, I think that is what he is saying.

sorry

but parents are part of the deal when you are coaching kids. the whole "i am so consumed by the effort of coaching a soccer team of 10 year olds that i cannot be bothered to have other thoughts " thing is a bit ridiculous. It is a kids soccer game, not the FIFA world cup.

Would it be nice if parents left coaches alone, sure. But these are their kids and part of your job is dealing with the parents

That being said no one knows how things went between them. It may have been just as you guessed, or maybe he was rude. We really have no indication.

When I coach, one of the points I always give parents is the 24 hour rule. Do not contact me within 24 hours of the incident that needs discussion (usually a game). Feelings are always most heated right at that point, and constructive discussion of the issue at hand isn't going to happen right in the heat of the moment. Wait 24 hours to bring it up so we can discuss it with a little perspective.

Obviously not all coaches communicate this idea, and even not all parents will buy into it. However, unless the physical safety of the child is in danger, a parent should never intervene during a game. If the child is in emotional danger from playing goalie for a soccer game, she should probably not be participating in team sports.

jesus people, this is kids sports!

y'all still drink capri suns and eat orange slices after the game, or are we getting them into ice tubs and rehydrating them for next weeks game against the playland unicorns???

 

[B-Deep]

I mean ####, Bill Belicheck is trying to make adjustments for a billion dollar nfl team and still has time at halftime for an interview. I'd think if there's a concern the coach can pass off the gut wrenching duty of rotating 10 year olds in a game to talk to a parent.

I am not saying he had to pull the girl from goalie or anything of that nature but Christ adults need some perspective here. This is peewee soccer and the reason for its existence is to have the kids exercise and have fun. If you are making it mean much more than that you have a problem.

 

[bigbottom]

In our league, the coaches and team are on the other side of the field, and parents aren't allowed to go over to that side of the field during game play.

 

[Bull Dozier]

I hate it when my i-friends and brick and mortar friends fight. Hug it out, guys.

Have we even determined what the coach said to the mother? It seems to me that the father's email understood the policy. All the coach says is that the mother was aggressive and said "you have to take my daughter out." Seems to me if the coach reacted to that with profanity, then he does owe the parents an apology.

I'm probably closer to tdog on the actual goalie issue. The time to solve that issue is in practice, by trying to find a couple of girls who's objection to goalie isn't all that strong. Forcing multiple girls into a miserable experience in the name of fairness doesn't strike me as a particularly wise solution to the problem. I don't think it makes him a bad guy or a bad coach, but I'm not going to take his word that its the only solution.

Ever watched 10 year old girls play sports? Uggh.

Yes. I have. And I've assistant coached 6 year old girls (we didn't have goalies then). That's one reason why I don't buy the coach's long manifesto about how he needed to concentrate on substitutions. It's rec league. The world keeps turning if you screw it up. We also had some practices.

I'm also less swayed by the argument that the mother didn't object when she saw the policy. I'm a cold-blooded Vulcan who thinks kids should work stuff out for themselves, but I'm also not a parent and not under the illusion that everybody thinks like I do. It seems perfectly understandable (to me) that a parent wouldn't note the policy when it was announced but would feel differently when her daughter is bawling on the field in front of her. Whether I think its best for the kid for the mother to intervene in that situation or not is irrelevant. Some will and some won't. I still think its incumbent upon a coach to treat a parent with respect. The coach wrote an awfully long email but I was struck that he didn't really address the crux of the father's email, which is that he may have verbally abused the mother.

Yet, I have not seen a single thing that indicated that any verbal abuse occurred. The husband with no-balls didn't even mention it. It sounds like the mom felt that she was disrespected because she did not get her way. If the coach was verbally abusive, then why wouldn't the husband have talked to the coach after the game? Maybe he wasn't there?

What do you think this means?

I believe you're right to put every girl in at goal BUT what I can not believe is how you spoke to my wife. It was rude and unacceptable. You should be ashamed of yourself and I think you owe her an apology.

Obviously, we don't know what the coach said, but that certainly seems to be the gist of the father's email.

...and yet the coach indicated that the wife approached him during the game and told him to get her daughter out of the game. I would imagine that, even if he told her to pound sand, that he was not "verbally abusing" her. No one indicated that profanity was used.

To me, this is a disagreement between two adults and one adult did not like the outcome, so she got her panties in a bunch. If she is going to approach the coach in the middle of the game like that, she should be expected to be spoken to with the same amount of respect as she is giving. From what the coach wrote, I think that is what he is saying.

sorry

but parents are part of the deal when you are coaching kids. the whole "i am so consumed by the effort of coaching a soccer team of 10 year olds that i cannot be bothered to have other thoughts " thing is a bit ridiculous. It is a kids soccer game, not the FIFA world cup.

Would it be nice if parents left coaches alone, sure. But these are their kids and part of your job is dealing with the parents

That being said no one knows how things went between them. It may have been just as you guessed, or maybe he was rude. We really have no indication.

When I coach, one of the points I always give parents is the 24 hour rule. Do not contact me within 24 hours of the incident that needs discussion (usually a game). Feelings are always most heated right at that point, and constructive discussion of the issue at hand isn't going to happen right in the heat of the moment. Wait 24 hours to bring it up so we can discuss it with a little perspective.

Obviously not all coaches communicate this idea, and even not all parents will buy into it. However, unless the physical safety of the child is in danger, a parent should never intervene during a game. If the child is in emotional danger from playing goalie for a soccer game, she should probably not be participating in team sports.

jesus people, this is kids sports!

y'all still drink capri suns and eat orange slices after the game, or are we getting them into ice tubs and rehydrating them for next weeks game against the playland unicorns???

Kids sports, yes, so why is the parent so amped up they have to approach the coach during the game? Parents shouldn't approach a coach during the game whether it is serious or not. If it is not serious sports, anything going on can wait. If it is a bid deal, leave the coach alone and allow him to coach the game.

I believe the OP said this is rec league, not traveling. If this is rec league, and the little girl can't handle playing goalie, the parents need to look more closely at the appropriateness of her playing sports moreso over the actions of the coach.

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

I mean ####, Bill Belicheck is trying to make adjustments for a billion dollar nfl team and still has time at halftime for an interview. I'd think if there's a concern the coach can pass off the gut wrenching duty of rotating 10 year olds in a game to talk to a parent.

I am not saying he had to pull the girl from goalie or anything of that nature but Christ adults need some perspective here. This is peewee soccer and the reason for its existence is to have the kids exercise and have fun. If you are making it mean much more than that you have a problem.

Bill Belichick has 15 assistants and he doesn't have to worry about whether little Tabitha took her ADHD meds this morning.

The key is that it is a team sport and the coach is there to make sure that the team is safe, having a good time and learning something along the way. Not every individual, but the team as a whole across the season. Little Kimmy might have to play goal and not get her chance to score a fricken goal this week. Everybody gets a chance and they might learn that being part of a team requires a little sacrifice along the way. Not exactly a bad lesson to learn.

 

[Fennis]

The coach has a dumb policy. He assumes all kids dislike the position at the same rate and therefore it is fair only if all share equally in covering the position. So the girl that dislikes the position is treated the same as the girl that has a debilitating anxiety attack at the thought of being placed in that position. So she quits because she is not "tough enough" to handle it at 10 years old. I would suggest that is the type of coaching philosophy that is at the root of the problems with youth sports.

I think we found "the wife"

I think we found the dumb part of the statement. He is a coach of 10 year old girls and has children of his own. He probably doesn't get paid to coach this team either and even if he did I doubt it is enough money to quit his day job. So on top of raising his own family, working full time and coaching people like this mother and tdog want him to have a masters in psychology and take the time to talk to each girl and find out if there is a one in a million chance that putting the girl in goal will damage her for life or if they are just being 10 year olds and whining about playing goalie to get out of it.

Maybe the parents should be parents. If your child plays a sport take a night or 2 and tell them about the sport, go over the positions with them. Go to the backyard and the park and find out if they like it. If they are that afraid of doing something with the sport then you tell them to try a different sport.

OP said the coach makes his living coaching 10 year old girl soccer

Wat?

No. He is a volunteer as are most coaches at this level.

oh, well that changes everything.