GregR
Footballguy
So I got a call yesterday from someone who was obviously Indian, and saying his name was Andrew and he was calling because they'd received error messages from my computer that indicated it was infected with malware and viruses.
I immediately suspect scam, but decide to play along for a bit to see where it goes. Unfortunately he spoke such bad English I finally asked him to transfer me to someone who spoke it better, and he ended up hanging up.
So I google and sure enough, it's a scam run out of Indian phone banks where they have the clueless computer user bring up Event Viewer where most any computer will show a lot of harmless errors that don't mean a virus. Then they offer for money to clean your computer for $295 or the like. They try to get you to Paypal them money, and they get you to open up your computer to remote connection so they can siphon off copies of your files. Apparently one of them tried this with a Kapersky employee who had a clean test machine used for testing virus removal that he used with them so he could log everything they did, got them to connect to a website where he could log their IP, and turned it over to the authorities.
So anyway... today they call back. "David" this time. David speaks better English. I decide to have some fun with him, as any time I tie him up is time he's not scamming some clueless person who doesn't know better. Anyway, hope the tale below is worth a chuckle, though mostly posting about the scam in general so others can be forewarned.
He's walking me through bringing up the Event Viewer, has me go into "Run" and wants me to type in "eventvwr".
Him: Sir, type in E as in Edgar. Then sir, type in V as in Victor. Then sir, type in E as in Edgar... and then N as in Nancy
Me: Wait wait wait, is that Nancy with a "y" or Nanci with an "i"?
Him: What?
Me: You said Nancy, was that Nancy that ends with an "i" or a "y"?
Him: What?
Me: Nancy, the name you just said. It can end with a Y or an I. Which does this end in.
Him: Nancy with a Y.
Me: Ok... n... a... n... c... y... ok, ready for the next word.
Him: Wait, sir, what are you doing?
Me: Hang on, the baby is crying. <I put the phone down and went to get a drink, come back>
Me: Sorry about that. Where were we?
Him: Sir, what have you typed in?
Me: I'm typing what you tell me.
Him: Sir, read me what you typed in.
Me: The names you gave me.
Him: No, sir, read me what you typed.
Me: So far I have typed in: "edgarvictoredgarnancy" where of course Nancy has a "y".
Him (in extreme frustration): Sir, you don't type the entire name, just the first letter.
Me: Oooooooh. I'm sorry. Maybe we should close this and start again. Ok, I'm back to my desktop, how do I open that Run window again?
So eventually I get the Event Viewer up. He has me go into the Administrative Events, and you can hear the relief in his voice that he finally got this idiot through typing the word eventvwr.
Him: Ok, sir, so you hit return and tell me what you see.
Me: A window launched, Event Viewer. It says... (and I proceed to read him every bit of text on the screen while he is trying in vain to stop me from talking).
Him: Ok sir, thank you... now please double click Custom Views. And then you should see the words Administrative Events, and double click that.
Me: Ok, done.
Him: Ok sir, you see all of the red and yellow symbols, and the Errors and Warnings? This means your computer is infected-
Me: It says 0.
Him: What? Sir?
Me: It says 0.
Him: Zero?
Me: Yes... it says "Number of Events" and a colon and then the number 0. There is a big blank area underneath of it with headings of (etc etc) and down at the bottom are two tabs, General and Details and it's all blank.
Him: (voice panicking as this is going off script, so tries to return to it). Sir, do you see all of the red and yellow symbols and errors-
Me: Nope, it's blank. It says 0 for Number of events.
He gets really panicked now that his script won't work, and it's obvious he doesn't know much about computers himself from other questions I asked him. So he finally says he's going to escalate me to his second tier. I wait about 20 seconds and hang up. Phone rings again, "David" calling back, and he gets me in touch with his second tier. Who I swear he said his name was Alan Alda. I asked him if that was his name. He repeats it again and this time I think it's some Indian name but that doesn't stop me from making Hawkeye jokes he didn't get.
Anyway... more fumbling trying to get me to see error messages that I claim aren't there. Finally tells me that the reason I'm not seeing errors is because that part of my computer is so infected it's not reporting problems anymore.
Him: Sir your computer is infected very badly, so we need to-
Me: I'm having trouble understanding you, can you speak slower please?
Him: Sir... your computer... is infected very badly. We need to-
Me: Ok, so what error message should be showing there?
Him: What?
Me: The error message, what should be showing there.
Him: Sir that isn't important, what we-
Me: Speak slower please.
Him: Sir, that is... not important. What we-
Me: No, I want to write down the error messages so if I see them in the future I know this is what they mean.
Him: Sir, there aren't any error messages there.
Me: Wait. How did you know that my computer was infected?
Him (reciting the same exact words they've used a dozen times already): Because it is sending error messages and warnings that-
Me: There. Stop talking. You just said my computer is sending error messages and warnings. I want you to read to me, word for word, what they say so I can write them down.
Him: Sir, our technicians have already identified them and determined your computer is infected.
Me: Yes, but that doesn't help me if it happens again to know it's infected. So I want you to read me the error message.
I was looking forward to him making up some error message as I take dictation and again screw up the typing of it again and again to frustrate him, but he finally just hung up on me.
I immediately suspect scam, but decide to play along for a bit to see where it goes. Unfortunately he spoke such bad English I finally asked him to transfer me to someone who spoke it better, and he ended up hanging up.
So I google and sure enough, it's a scam run out of Indian phone banks where they have the clueless computer user bring up Event Viewer where most any computer will show a lot of harmless errors that don't mean a virus. Then they offer for money to clean your computer for $295 or the like. They try to get you to Paypal them money, and they get you to open up your computer to remote connection so they can siphon off copies of your files. Apparently one of them tried this with a Kapersky employee who had a clean test machine used for testing virus removal that he used with them so he could log everything they did, got them to connect to a website where he could log their IP, and turned it over to the authorities.
So anyway... today they call back. "David" this time. David speaks better English. I decide to have some fun with him, as any time I tie him up is time he's not scamming some clueless person who doesn't know better. Anyway, hope the tale below is worth a chuckle, though mostly posting about the scam in general so others can be forewarned.
He's walking me through bringing up the Event Viewer, has me go into "Run" and wants me to type in "eventvwr".
Him: Sir, type in E as in Edgar. Then sir, type in V as in Victor. Then sir, type in E as in Edgar... and then N as in Nancy
Me: Wait wait wait, is that Nancy with a "y" or Nanci with an "i"?
Him: What?
Me: You said Nancy, was that Nancy that ends with an "i" or a "y"?
Him: What?
Me: Nancy, the name you just said. It can end with a Y or an I. Which does this end in.
Him: Nancy with a Y.
Me: Ok... n... a... n... c... y... ok, ready for the next word.
Him: Wait, sir, what are you doing?
Me: Hang on, the baby is crying. <I put the phone down and went to get a drink, come back>
Me: Sorry about that. Where were we?
Him: Sir, what have you typed in?
Me: I'm typing what you tell me.
Him: Sir, read me what you typed in.
Me: The names you gave me.
Him: No, sir, read me what you typed.
Me: So far I have typed in: "edgarvictoredgarnancy" where of course Nancy has a "y".
Him (in extreme frustration): Sir, you don't type the entire name, just the first letter.
Me: Oooooooh. I'm sorry. Maybe we should close this and start again. Ok, I'm back to my desktop, how do I open that Run window again?
So eventually I get the Event Viewer up. He has me go into the Administrative Events, and you can hear the relief in his voice that he finally got this idiot through typing the word eventvwr.
Him: Ok, sir, so you hit return and tell me what you see.
Me: A window launched, Event Viewer. It says... (and I proceed to read him every bit of text on the screen while he is trying in vain to stop me from talking).
Him: Ok sir, thank you... now please double click Custom Views. And then you should see the words Administrative Events, and double click that.
Me: Ok, done.
Him: Ok sir, you see all of the red and yellow symbols, and the Errors and Warnings? This means your computer is infected-
Me: It says 0.
Him: What? Sir?
Me: It says 0.
Him: Zero?
Me: Yes... it says "Number of Events" and a colon and then the number 0. There is a big blank area underneath of it with headings of (etc etc) and down at the bottom are two tabs, General and Details and it's all blank.
Him: (voice panicking as this is going off script, so tries to return to it). Sir, do you see all of the red and yellow symbols and errors-
Me: Nope, it's blank. It says 0 for Number of events.
He gets really panicked now that his script won't work, and it's obvious he doesn't know much about computers himself from other questions I asked him. So he finally says he's going to escalate me to his second tier. I wait about 20 seconds and hang up. Phone rings again, "David" calling back, and he gets me in touch with his second tier. Who I swear he said his name was Alan Alda. I asked him if that was his name. He repeats it again and this time I think it's some Indian name but that doesn't stop me from making Hawkeye jokes he didn't get.
Anyway... more fumbling trying to get me to see error messages that I claim aren't there. Finally tells me that the reason I'm not seeing errors is because that part of my computer is so infected it's not reporting problems anymore.
Him: Sir your computer is infected very badly, so we need to-
Me: I'm having trouble understanding you, can you speak slower please?
Him: Sir... your computer... is infected very badly. We need to-
Me: Ok, so what error message should be showing there?
Him: What?
Me: The error message, what should be showing there.
Him: Sir that isn't important, what we-
Me: Speak slower please.
Him: Sir, that is... not important. What we-
Me: No, I want to write down the error messages so if I see them in the future I know this is what they mean.
Him: Sir, there aren't any error messages there.
Me: Wait. How did you know that my computer was infected?
Him (reciting the same exact words they've used a dozen times already): Because it is sending error messages and warnings that-
Me: There. Stop talking. You just said my computer is sending error messages and warnings. I want you to read to me, word for word, what they say so I can write them down.
Him: Sir, our technicians have already identified them and determined your computer is infected.
Me: Yes, but that doesn't help me if it happens again to know it's infected. So I want you to read me the error message.
I was looking forward to him making up some error message as I take dictation and again screw up the typing of it again and again to frustrate him, but he finally just hung up on me.
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HAHA!!
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