Question about helping your kid (1 Viewer)

[TheIronSheik]

Sorry, I don't keep a notebook so I don't know how old your daughter is. However, this is how I have learned to handle sports:

After the game, I ask my boys "did you have fun?" Most of the time the answer is yes, unless something horrible happened (they struck out to end a game, made a bunch of errors, etc). End of conversation after the game. Let the child lead the conversation after that. I find that it is common that most don't want to talk about it right away, so steer clear.

Even though my boys are 11 and 12, I still tuck them in and say good night every night. Game nights, all I tell them is "I love watching you play." If something out of the ordinary (good) happened, I'll mention it, but that's it.

When there is free time and they aren't busy I'll say "want to play catch?" or "want to go to the batting cages?" or "want so shoot some hoops?" I do take those times to try to teach, and probably less subtely that I hope. And sometimes I don't teach at all, it's just for fun.

If there is a drive in the kid to go past the above, they have to lead it. You can't force it upon them.

I wish I would have done this. I was an excellent coach, but better with other kids than my own son because I didn't handle the after game discussions as well as you did.

Trust me, it didn't come natural. I learned this the hard way.

A couple of summers ago my wife and I went to Vegas for a long weekend. We were leaving late at night, so after my older sons game, both boys were going home with my parents to stay while we were in Vegas. On the way to the game, my older son was unusually quiet and I could tell something was bothering him. We got to the field, and were getting the stuff out of the car and I can see tears welling in his eyes. I have no idea what could be bothering him since he wasn't talking. I asked him what was wrong, assuming he was sad about his me and his mom leaving for a few days. "I don't want to go home with grandpa"! he blurts out. Still thinking he's going to miss me I hug him and let him know we'll be back soon and he'll be having too much fun to miss us. "That's not it," he says. "Grandpa always wants to talk about the games when they are over."

Especially after a loss, I don't think kids want to dwell on it and get more "coaching" while they are feeling down.

I feel sorry for the kids who have parents that used to play at some fairly high level. Those parents hammer them about the game all the way home. We have one boy on my son's travel baseball team who pitched at a D1 college. The poor kid gets mercilessly peppered all the way home. No fun.

My other son competes on a national karate tourney circuit. My wife cannot help herself and tries to 'coach' him after ever competition. She just simply doesn't understand that's not the time to do it. Nor does she understand that she is the last person in the world my son wants coaching her. Even though I also competed in karate tourneys for 10 years I keep my nose out of it and let the real coaches do their jobs.

I pitched at a D1 college. And I will never be that dad. Even when I played, I was out there to have fun.

I talked with my daughter this morning and I told her that I was only trying to help and that I apologize if it seemed like I was criticizing her. I told her I loved watching her play and that the number one thing about playing is to remember it's supposed to be fun. When I told her that my favorite part of my week was watching her play, she smiled and fought back really cheesing it up. Made me feel good. I think we made some progress.

 

[El Floppo]

Sorry, I don't keep a notebook so I don't know how old your daughter is. However, this is how I have learned to handle sports:

After the game, I ask my boys "did you have fun?" Most of the time the answer is yes, unless something horrible happened (they struck out to end a game, made a bunch of errors, etc). End of conversation after the game. Let the child lead the conversation after that. I find that it is common that most don't want to talk about it right away, so steer clear.

Even though my boys are 11 and 12, I still tuck them in and say good night every night. Game nights, all I tell them is "I love watching you play." If something out of the ordinary (good) happened, I'll mention it, but that's it.

When there is free time and they aren't busy I'll say "want to play catch?" or "want to go to the batting cages?" or "want so shoot some hoops?" I do take those times to try to teach, and probably less subtely that I hope. And sometimes I don't teach at all, it's just for fun.

If there is a drive in the kid to go past the above, they have to lead it. You can't force it upon them.

I wish I would have done this. I was an excellent coach, but better with other kids than my own son because I didn't handle the after game discussions as well as you did.

Trust me, it didn't come natural. I learned this the hard way.

A couple of summers ago my wife and I went to Vegas for a long weekend. We were leaving late at night, so after my older sons game, both boys were going home with my parents to stay while we were in Vegas. On the way to the game, my older son was unusually quiet and I could tell something was bothering him. We got to the field, and were getting the stuff out of the car and I can see tears welling in his eyes. I have no idea what could be bothering him since he wasn't talking. I asked him what was wrong, assuming he was sad about his me and his mom leaving for a few days. "I don't want to go home with grandpa"! he blurts out. Still thinking he's going to miss me I hug him and let him know we'll be back soon and he'll be having too much fun to miss us. "That's not it," he says. "Grandpa always wants to talk about the games when they are over."

Especially after a loss, I don't think kids want to dwell on it and get more "coaching" while they are feeling down.

I feel sorry for the kids who have parents that used to play at some fairly high level. Those parents hammer them about the game all the way home. We have one boy on my son's travel baseball team who pitched at a D1 college. The poor kid gets mercilessly peppered all the way home. No fun.

My other son competes on a national karate tourney circuit. My wife cannot help herself and tries to 'coach' him after ever competition. She just simply doesn't understand that's not the time to do it. Nor does she understand that she is the last person in the world my son wants coaching her. Even though I also competed in karate tourneys for 10 years I keep my nose out of it and let the real coaches do their jobs.

I'm coaching my 7yo son's rec-league soccer team. It's his and most of the rest of the kids first time playing on a team... and the league is intentionally set up "for fun and learning" over winning. There is no practice- the league runs a seminar of drills for the 30-45 mins before the Sunday games for all the kids on all the teams, and then they play. They even advise the coaches to minimize coaching and just keep things moving and fun for the kids; as coach, I handle a few subs, swapping kids in and out of playing goalie, and that's about it.

But I WAS that D1/semi-pro athlete... and this is hard for me to not "teach"... especially my son.