You see, the doctors were concerned that Garfield’s intestines might have been punctured by the bullet, and as such, all but forbade him from eating. Which feels like the closest to common sense we’ve gotten throughout this whole escapade. Unfortunately, as we said, he lived for 2 months, which you can’t do without sustenance. Understanding this, the doctors put their ill-informed heads together and prescribed, and I hate this as much as you do, “rectal feeding.” It’s exactly what you think it is. They shoved food up his ***. To be clear, as well, I do mean food. We’re not talking about suppositories, or any sort of medical concoction. We are talking about egg yolks, beef bouillon, milk, and, yes, bourbon. These guys were piping alcoholic versions of Rocky Balboa’s breakfast straight up Garfield’s exit.