Should I be getting ---- for this? (1 Viewer)

[Captain Cranks]

I've got a 14 year old son who just had his high school band's holiday concert.  His mother and I are divorced, but ever since he was little both of her parents have come to his functions, this concert included. My ex's stepmother, who attended the concert, posts pics of the show on FB. My sister, who lives down the street, tags me in the comments to say, "we apparently missed the invite."  Setting aside the fact that my sister is late to everything and a complete pain in the ### to deal with in general, should I be inviting her to stuff like this?  

 

[belljr]

I invited my parents and sister to all my daughters choir/band when she did it 

I would just pass along the info. If she made it great if not no biggie

 

[jobarules]

Why not invite her to her nephew's holiday concert? I invite my brother's to their nephew's baseball games all the time. They rarely come because theyre busy and I understand that completely but will continue inviting them.

 

[song]

i would be very grateful to not be invited

 

[gianmarco]

I've got a 14 year old son who just had his high school band's holiday concert.  His mother and I are divorced, but ever since he was little both of her parents have come to his functions, this concert included. My ex's stepmother, who attended the concert, posts pics of the show on FB. My sister, who lives down the street, tags me in the comments to say, "we apparently missed the invite."  Setting aside the fact that my sister is late to everything and a complete pain in the ### to deal with in general, should I be inviting her to stuff like this?  

There's no way any of us can answer this.  This completely depends on the relationship you have with them.  Some people don't talk to their own parents or siblings.  Others are ridiculously close with 3rd cousins four times removed.

If your sister has been invited to this stuff before or is involved/interested in stuff your kids do, then yeah, you should have mentioned it.  If not, then who knows.  A simple "didn't know you'd want to come and will let you know about all these things in the future" should suffice. 

Personally, family drama drives me nuts.  I try to get involved in it as little as possible.  Makes life a lot happier and calmer.

 

[AAABatteries]

You're a monster*

*I didn't read the OP

 

[Bogart]

As a kid of divorced parents with extended families  I use to have huge anxiety with a huge crowd of family watching me be super mediocre at band or baseball or church plays. Now as a divorced Dad with two kids, I let them decide who we invite or don't invite. COVID has helped give a lot of excuses, "limited space", "parents only", etc. so it's been easier.

But no, I think a blast on FB is not necessary.

 

[AAABatteries]

As a kid of divorced parents with extended families  I use to have huge anxiety with a huge crowd of family watching me be super mediocre at band or baseball or church plays. Now as a divorced Dad with two kids, I let them decide who we invite or don't invite. COVID has helped give a lot of excuses, "limited space", "parents only", etc. so it's been easier.

But no, I think a blast on FB is not necessary.

I'm not sure I had huge anxiety but I will say that one of my worse memories as a kid was my Dad and Stepdad getting in to an altercation at the baseball field after one of my games.  Everyone should understand that those events are all about the kid and not about them.

 

[Captain Cranks]

Why not invite her to her nephew's holiday concert? I invite my brother's to their nephew's baseball games all the time. They rarely come because theyre busy and I understand that completely but will continue inviting them.

Because they're a huge pita.  For example, Thanksgiving.  I tell them to show up at 2 and dinner is 3.  They show up at 3:15 and blame the kids for being late (it's always the kid's fault).  Then it's 7 pm and everyone else has left.  They linger and it always takes an hour from the, "ok kids, it's time to go" to actually leaving.  

 

[belljr]

Because they're a huge pita.  For example, Thanksgiving.  I tell them to show up at 2 and dinner is 3.  They show up at 3:15 and blame the kids for being late (it's always the kid's fault).  Then it's 7 pm and everyone else has left.  They linger and it always takes an hour from the, "ok kids, it's time to go" to actually leaving.  

Ok. I understand this but what does that have to do with a concert?

Concert starts at 6, see you there!

They don't show up on time that's on them shrug

 

[Pip's Invitation]

If there are no restrictions on who can come, I would let the sister know unless you or your kids don’t get along with her. If she shows up, she shows up, if she doesn’t, she doesn’t. It matters not, in contrast to something like a holiday dinner.

 

[Orange&Blue]

If you feel the need to ask this question the answer is almost always yes.

 

[Bogart]

I'm not sure I had huge anxiety but I will say that one of my worse memories as a kid was my Dad and Stepdad getting in to an altercation at the baseball field after one of my games.  Everyone should understand that those events are all about the kid and not about them.

My parents were always civil, especially my Dads, but the tension was there. My Dad always coached, and my Stepdad would either help out as one of the assistants, or watch from as far away in the outfield as possible depending on how pissed my two Moms were at each other.

 

[Captain Cranks]

Bah!  Alright.  I'll just apologize and say what gianmarco suggested which is, "didn't know you would want an invite."

Friggin' family.

 

[belljr]

Bah!  Alright.  I'll just apologize and say what gianmarco suggested which is, "didn't know you would want an invite."

Friggin' family.

FTR - I don't think you should be getting #### on facebook or in general but throwing out an invite isn't a big deal.

DON'T MEET UP OR PLAN TO GO TOGETHER OR ANY OF THAT NON SENSE

 

[scorchy]

Probably best to apologize, but do you think she actually wanted to go to the concert or does she just want to be asked?

I'm usually grateful when I don't get invited to these sorts of things b/c then I don't have to think up excuses not to go.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

My parents were always civil, especially my Dads, but the tension was there. My Dad always coached, and my Stepdad would either help out as one of the assistants, or watch from as far away in the outfield as possible depending on how pissed my two Moms were at each other.

This sounds like a potential disaster. Jesus. 

I was an assistant coach twice and vowed never to do that again. It has all the time constraints of head coach but no control. If I am going to coach Im going to coach things the way I want.  I couldn't imagine being part of that power struggle.  

 

[Captain Cranks]

Probably best to apologize, but do you think she actually wanted to go to the concert or does she just want to be asked?

I'm usually grateful when I don't get invited to these sorts of things b/c then I don't have to think up excuses not to go.

Gotta think it's more 'oh, they got invited; why didn't we' than 'dang, I missed that.'

 

[jobarules]

Gotta think it's more 'oh, they got invited; why didn't we' than 'dang, I missed that.'

This is even more reason to invite her to any and everything. Now she will have to think of excuses everytime. Make her squirm.

 

[ignatiusjreilly]

Did anyone here ever see the play "Art" by Yasmine Reza? It won the Tony back in the late '90s. Really fantastic.

Anyway, this whole topic reminds me of one of the play's funniest moments, when a character delivers an extended monologue about trying to navigate the politics of a wedding invitation with mixed families (the father insists that the stepmom has to be listed on the invite, the mother says if that happens, she won't come, etc.)

 

[Captain Cranks]

Did anyone here ever see the play "Art" by Yasmine Reza? It won the Tony back in the late '90s. Really fantastic.

Anyway, this whole topic reminds me of one of the play's funniest moments, when a character delivers an extended monologue about trying to navigate the politics of a wedding invitation with mixed families (the father insists that the stepmom has to be listed on the invite, the mother says if that happens, she won't come, etc.)

Have not but that sounds like the script of a Seinfeld episode. 

 

[Bogart]

This sounds like a potential disaster. Jesus. 

I was an assistant coach twice and vowed never to do that again. It has all the time constraints of head coach but no control. If I am going to coach Im going to coach things the way I want.  I couldn't imagine being part of that power struggle.  

 This was 35 years ago. If you were an adult and helped shag fly balls you got an Assistant Coach trophy at the end of the season. Not a power struggle, just my Stepdad trying to do Dad things when my Moms weren't being total #####es and causing unneeded havoc.

 

[Cowboysfan8]

Gotta think it's more 'oh, they got invited; why didn't we' than 'dang, I missed that.'

Sounds like Sis needs a hobby 

 

[ignatiusjreilly]

Have not but that sounds like the script of a Seinfeld episode. 

That scene was like Seinfeld on steroids. Coincidentally, when I saw it on Broadway, the fiance was played by Wayne Knight (Newman).

No idea if it's still being performed widely, but if you ever get a chance to see a halfway decent production, I can't recommend it enough.

 

[Jackstraw]

Quit facebook

 

[Captain Cranks]

Sounds like Sis needs a hobby 

Oh, she's got one.  It's called scouring Facebook 24-7 looking for things to make her outraged. 

 

[Captain Cranks]

Quit facebook

Coincidentally I have this sister 'unfollowed' because she posts a bunch of garbage political stuff.  She cut through my defenses by tagging my name on someone else's post.  

 

[ignatiusjreilly]

Coincidentally I have this sister 'unfollowed' because she posts a bunch of garbage political stuff.  She cut through my defenses by tagging my name on someone else's post.  

The fact that you unfollowed your sister on FB tells us more about this situation than anything you said in your original post

 

[Dickies]

Sounds like you don't really want her there.  If that's the case I would not invite her and I see nothing wrong with that.

 

[Captain Cranks]

Sounds like you don't really want her there.  If that's the case I would not invite her and I see nothing wrong with that.

She's fine and overall we get along, but as I said she and her family can be a huge pita.  Selfishly I am better off not having to deal with them.

The fact that you unfollowed your sister on FB tells us more about this situation than anything you said in your original post

The unfollow was strictly because of the political stuff.  I think I've finally made her understand that she shouldn't bring up politics around me, but since I'm unable to muzzle her on Facebook, I just unfollowed her.  She knows as much.  

 

[beer 30]

I respond because I enjoy a great   just like the next guy.

Your circus, your monkeys. Invite her to the next whatever, shrug off the BS post from FB then delete the app and move on. I need crypto advice from you not drama. Focus man, focus!

 

[Kal El]

I’d make the invite, and if she doesn’t show, that’s on her, not you for no invite.

 

[ProstheticRGK]

Setting aside the fact that my sister is late to everything and a complete pain in the ### to deal with in general

Bah!  Alright.  I'll just apologize and say what gianmarco suggested which is, "didn't know you would want an invite."

Friggin' family.

Don't cave. Post the above on Facebook and it will solve every problem you have with your sister. And tag her from someone else's wall.

 

[Gally]

She's fine and overall we get along, but as I said she and her family can be a huge pita.  Selfishly I am better off not having to deal with them.

The unfollow was strictly because of the political stuff.  I think I've finally made her understand that she shouldn't bring up politics around me, but since I'm unable to muzzle her on Facebook, I just unfollowed her.  She knows as much.  

Just tell her it was a program about politics of the opposite of her beliefs and you were only thinking of her when she didn't get an invite.

 

[wlwiles]

The fact that she chose to put you on blast "in public" via FB post comments and didn't just text or call you directly tells me that she likely wouldn't have attended, but wants to be outraged anyway for the sake of stirring the pot.  

 

[Captain Cranks]

Just tell her it was a program about politics of the opposite of her beliefs and you were only thinking of her when she didn't get an invite.

LOL.  "Three words:  Critical Race Theory".  

 

[Captain Cranks]

The fact that she chose to put you on blast "in public" via FB post comments and didn't just text or call you directly tells me that she likely wouldn't have attended, but wants to be outraged anyway for the sake of stirring the pot.  

Yes.  That sounds like my sister.  

 

[Manster]

As a kid of divorced parents with extended families  I use to have huge anxiety with a huge crowd of family watching me be super mediocre at band or baseball or church plays. Now as a divorced Dad with two kids, I let them decide who we invite or don't invite. COVID has helped give a lot of excuses, "limited space", "parents only", etc. so it's been easier.

But no, I think a blast on FB is not necessary.

This...

Also, reason number 3,457 to not be on FB

 

[NutterButter]

Coincidentally I have this sister 'unfollowed' because she posts a bunch of garbage political stuff.  She cut through my defenses by tagging my name on someone else's post.  

Yup.  That's the way to do facebook and really any social media platform including this place.   This is more next level facebooking, but next time, immediately choose the "hide post" option and move on.  It takes some practice, but you'll get the hang of it.  

 

[Captain Cranks]

Yup.  That's the way to do facebook and really any social media platform including this place.   This is more next level facebooking, but next time, immediately choose the "hide post" option and move on.  It takes some practice, but you'll get the hang of it.  

As others have mentioned, the ultimate next level Facebooking is "hide Facebook".  I still cling to it to maintain awareness of my family's existence.  Sometimes that's not such a good thing. 

 

[NutterButter]

As others have mentioned, the ultimate next level Facebooking is "hide Facebook".  I still cling to it to maintain awareness of my family's existence.  Sometimes that's not such a good thing. 

Nah.  There's some great groups to be a part of.  If you do any type of home improvement or woodworking, those people on there are worth their weight in gold.     

 

[Captain Cranks]

Nah.  There's some great groups to be a part of.  If you do any type of home improvement or woodworking, those people on there are worth their weight in gold.     

Totally.  I'm in a couple Boston Terrier groups so 70% of my feed is puppy pics. Can't go wrong there.  

 

[5-ish Finkle]

Didn't read anything other than the title, but.....probably.

 

[DJackson10]

Coincidentally I have this sister 'unfollowed' because she posts a bunch of garbage political stuff.  She cut through my defenses by tagging my name on someone else's post.  

I put didn't know enough info but with this new info I think you are in the right not to invite her. I took an Aunt off Facebook (never had her friended or anything) because she was posting a bunch of fake political stuff and even my uncles are annoyed at her by it. I ended up blocking her completely. There's a FB setting where you can set under privacy who can tag you in posts and I think who can comment. If you are tagged on someones posts that you do allow she'll probably see comments but you won't see hers if blocked. I did this with a friend and even if we comment on the same status of a friend I don't see it unless a friends tags him or quotes his post. It's cutting edge stuff that has saved me a ton of aggravation the last few yrs.

So long story short yeah you were in the right not to invite her to this then. I mean if you want to do invite her and it's an event of be there on time or too bad for you can't get in unless you're the parent then thats on her and she can't accuse you of anything. Also you can keep using COVID type excuses as long as everyone else going is on the same page as you about it. Covid has been a blessing in disguise for some stuff I need to get out of or don't want certain people around. 

 

[DJackson10]

The fact that she chose to put you on blast "in public" via FB post comments and didn't just text or call you directly tells me that she likely wouldn't have attended, but wants to be outraged anyway for the sake of stirring the pot.  

As well as making a public scene about it. 

 

[DJackson10]

As others have mentioned, the ultimate next level Facebooking is "hide Facebook".  I still cling to it to maintain awareness of my family's existence.  Sometimes that's not such a good thing. 

See I've learned to manage Facebook and maybe its because I'm younger then most on here. I just hide all the bull#### and know certain posts don't look at the comment section. If I want to talk say politics theres my one former marine buddy I privately text/call DM etc if it's something important. We are two different parties but we are respectful on discussing our views and such (something many aren't and why we do it this way to keep drama out). There are definitely some cool groups for the older "boomer crowd" for home improvements and stuff". Marketplace is cool if you are looking for something specific for cheaper. If there's posts or stuff you don't like you can hide them, mute a person for a month or block or unfollow them etc. 

The trick is not getting into the bait and switch trolling a lot do to get a reaction. It's sad and it also happens a lot here as well where someone posts something in a comment section or a post on this forum to fan flames for the sake of starting drama. It's sad and pathetic. I've put multiple people on here on ignore and my life here's been a lot better. Probably should put a few more on ignore in the future though.