Baloney Sandwich
Footballguy
I think perhaps before Rok decides to be this kid's dad and before all of you lay on the heavy burden of that decision that perhaps it might make sense for him to actually meet the broad first.
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So hungover this morning I accidently wore two different shoes (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter RokNRole
- Start date
the rover
Footballguy
Most responsible parents won't even allow someone they're dating to meet their child for a significant period of time...usually 6 months. It's really bad for the kid and horribly irresponsible for people that claim to be adults.
Fishboy
Footballguy
Just a week or so ago you were all into the girl at the clinic. Now a week later you're ready to become the father to single mom?
The common advice you've been given is to go slow. Heed this advice. IMO, you're not ready for this type of responsibility in the present moment.
The common advice you've been given is to go slow. Heed this advice. IMO, you're not ready for this type of responsibility in the present moment.
GilbertGrape
Footballguy
the rover
Footballguy
GilbertGrape
Footballguy
the rover
Footballguy
Right. And he's posting about it. Whether the mother is responsible or not is irrelevant. The fact that he has no business involving himself with a child at this point is.
GilbertGrape
Footballguy
Based on his posting history, I agree with you, but I would extend the child meeting period to never.
jvdesigns2002
Footballguy
I have to be honest with you. I have not kept up on this thread--but have noticed the title changes. I still firmly wish you the best of luck with your employment, battling any personal demons that you might have--and in establishing a stable and successful future for yourself. Speaking blindly here--as I don't feel like going back and reading through your exact dating situation--my advice is to evaluate if you feel like you need another thing to worry about in your life right now. You just got a job that you seem to be doing well at. It looks like you are in a far better state of mind than you were a very recent while ago (you had mentioned some scary self destructive things that I would rather not mention again). You seem to have found a recipe that seems to be working for you--or at least it has for a little while. I think that before you invite complicated things (a relationship with a single mom) into what seems to be like a working recipe--maybe you should continue a bit further on the path of stability before risking ending up back at ground zero. Regardless of what you choose to do--good luck.
Why? Most people offered sincere words of wisdom, although it may not be what you wanted to hear.
ex-ghost
Footballguy
TLEF316
Footballguy
This. Sorry if you just wanted a cheering section to validate your decision, but it's not warranted in this situation.
Saying that you want to be the father of a child whose mother you haven't even met yet is lunacy.(regardless of who you are) Sorry you can't see that.
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DocHolliday
Footballguy
There is nothing wrong with dating a single mom. It's how you go about it. There is some simple advice in this thread. Not sure what is so difficult about acknowledging that and dating this girl responsibly.
Date her. Have fun. Get to know her. Get to know the kid in a few months if you are falling for mom.
Date her. Have fun. Get to know her. Get to know the kid in a few months if you are falling for mom.
Paulymaggs
Footballguy
WT flying F happened to this board?
Back in the day, itd be pages and pages of laughing at a loser like this.
Now it's tons of unsolicited "helpful" advice that really doesnt help the thread achieve it's maximum potential.
Back in the day, itd be pages and pages of laughing at a loser like this.
Now it's tons of unsolicited "helpful" advice that really doesnt help the thread achieve it's maximum potential.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
When you post openly about major life decisions, you're going to get dissenting opinions. I've been trying to help staunch the flow of totally unhelpful insults (with varying success) but many of the posters in here are offering legitimate advice. It may not be exactly what you want to hear, and maybe some people couch it better than others, but you really need to try to embrace it more. You're doing a great job not engaging the obvious trolls, but now you need to realize that a bunch of people simply cheerleading with every new topic are not beneficial to you. People are taking the time to share wisdom and life experience with you, which is the best thing for you (or any one of us for that matter.) Even if you're not thrilled with the precise manner in which this information is dispensed, be grateful for the information itself. And listen to it. As I mentioned earlier, none of us knows every detail of your life. However, we have the benefit of distance and objectivity, which you can not possibly have. Use that to your advantage.
the rover
Footballguy
I'm participating in EG's social experiment.WT flying F happened to this board?
Back in the day, itd be pages and pages of laughing at a loser like this.
Now it's tons of unsolicited "helpful" advice that really doesnt help the thread achieve it's maximum potential.
KCitons
Footballguy
Also, if you haven't noticed, a change in thread title changes the direction of the conversation. One person controls this. If you don't like the comments you are getting on dating a single mom, change the topic.Evilgrin 72 said:
Part of me thinks Rok seeks out this negative attention and therefore leaves it to spin further out of control.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
That's a habit I'm trying to help him break. Also, if he uses the words of others constructively rather than just viewing contrarian viewpoints as attacks, he's going to get a lot out of this board rather than just being a punching bag.
-OZ-
Footballguy
Wise men say
Only fools rush in,
But I can't help falling in love with you.
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin,
If I can't help falling in love with you.
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin,
If I can't help falling in love with you.
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand
Take my whole life too,
For I can't help falling in love with you
Conanthecontrarian
Footballguy
this story seems to fit here. I used to have a chocolate labrador retriever. Beautiful dog. When he was a puppy he used to charge headlong into everything.
the first time we took him to the lake, he jumped out of the vehicle, charged onto the dock and jumped into the lake. almost drowned, but managed to get out of the water eventually. we had yelled warnings at him to wait for us before going into the water, but he didn’t listen.
he also had a habit of rushing up to new four legged creatures as if they were all potential playmates. we would try to warn him to approach these new playmates with caution, but he wouldn't listen.Until he got a face full of porcupine quills.
he would also eat any food he found on the ground. we would tell him to leave it, but he would wolf it down. until he ate something that caused him to throw up for a couple of hours.
for a while he wouldn't go near the water, stayed away from other animals and would only eat what was put in his food bowl.
eventually he learned to love swimming in the lake, made lots of new four legged friends after approaching them with caution and would eat something not in his food bowl if we told him it was okay.
I miss that dog :sniff:
the first time we took him to the lake, he jumped out of the vehicle, charged onto the dock and jumped into the lake. almost drowned, but managed to get out of the water eventually. we had yelled warnings at him to wait for us before going into the water, but he didn’t listen.
he also had a habit of rushing up to new four legged creatures as if they were all potential playmates. we would try to warn him to approach these new playmates with caution, but he wouldn't listen.Until he got a face full of porcupine quills.
he would also eat any food he found on the ground. we would tell him to leave it, but he would wolf it down. until he ate something that caused him to throw up for a couple of hours.
for a while he wouldn't go near the water, stayed away from other animals and would only eat what was put in his food bowl.
eventually he learned to love swimming in the lake, made lots of new four legged friends after approaching them with caution and would eat something not in his food bowl if we told him it was okay.
I miss that dog :sniff:
KCitons
Footballguy
Because nobody needs to be bashing her. She's a 24 year old single mom. Anyone with children makes mistakes probably daily.Evilgrin 72 said:
Shes special and I can feel any way I want about her. Sometimes people click right away. Waiting 6 months to meet the baby isn't realistic with our schedules. For us to spend adequate time together it's got to be with him too pretty soon.
I feel fine about everything and I've brought up all the same concerns that are being discussed here with her before we even made plans to meet. We decided that if things didn't work we would remain friends. It's not like I'm moving in with her and will see the baby every day. He will see me about as much as any of her friends do.
McGarnicle
Footballguy
I don't remember a lot of specifics, but it seemed like she couldn't keep a set schedule from one day to the next. And there were mood swings. And there was a LOT of room in there, but she did her kegel exercises and it was more than okay.
Good luck man. I haven't actually read much of this thread but all the best.
Good luck man. I haven't actually read much of this thread but all the best.
gianmarco
Footballguy
McGarnicle
Footballguy
A lady I used to work with. She had two daughters. She said she was separated but it became clear after a few weeks that the husband just traveled a lot and
Hawks64
Footballguy
There has not been a single instance of someone offering you legitimate advice over the course of your many aliases here where you didn't offer up excuse after excuse for not following said advice. This is yet another example of this. I'd say good luck but you seem to be rather self destructive.
McGarnicle
Footballguy
Okay, check it out, I'll tell you what you need to do. ####, Seinfeld is on.
I'll admit I'm defensive. I had a parents that hated me and were overly critical despite them being complete messes themselves. I'm trying to work on it.
Just because I make a rebuttal doesn't mean I don't listen. I'm just bullheaded.
I do appreciate the people that are advising me and are obviously trying to do it in a constructive manner but I can't just do whatever anyone tells me to. I'm still my own person. I'm trying to take in as much information as I can so that even if I'm going to be headstrong and take risks I'm at least informed and prepared for scenarios I've never thought of.
i know this current situation is silly but I do want to be a father and the girl is really special. She's smart and she's a big sports fan, we've discussed so much about the situation and I'm able to be honest with her about everything. She probably knows more about me than I even tell you guys and she accepts what I am and I accept what she is. Maybe I was destined to meet a single mother.
Just because I make a rebuttal doesn't mean I don't listen. I'm just bullheaded.
I do appreciate the people that are advising me and are obviously trying to do it in a constructive manner but I can't just do whatever anyone tells me to. I'm still my own person. I'm trying to take in as much information as I can so that even if I'm going to be headstrong and take risks I'm at least informed and prepared for scenarios I've never thought of.
i know this current situation is silly but I do want to be a father and the girl is really special. She's smart and she's a big sports fan, we've discussed so much about the situation and I'm able to be honest with her about everything. She probably knows more about me than I even tell you guys and she accepts what I am and I accept what she is. Maybe I was destined to meet a single mother.
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I know I'm not entirely ready for the role I can play in their lives. How can I be with no experience? At least I want to learn that role.
These days it's hard enough for a young mother and child to find a guy that even wants to assume that role. Isn't it better than I'm imperfect and care rather than just be trying to take advantage of her vulnerability to get laid?
Thats probably what most young men would do and that's more damaging to everyone involved. I'm going to give it my best shot with a good heart.
These days it's hard enough for a young mother and child to find a guy that even wants to assume that role. Isn't it better than I'm imperfect and care rather than just be trying to take advantage of her vulnerability to get laid?
Thats probably what most young men would do and that's more damaging to everyone involved. I'm going to give it my best shot with a good heart.
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Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Maybe, and I hope so. People are simply urging caution, that's all. Rather than arguing and getting defensive, just say something to the effect of : "thanks for the advice, I'll watch my step." Ultimately, you're going to do whatever feels right to you, no one expects you to do everything other people tell you to do. Your post made it sound like you're diving in blind with both feet and that's probably foolish. You need to feel this out and let it progress. You need to see if this woman is someone with whom you would have a relationship if the child didn't exist. Then and ONLY then should you be thinking about "being a dad," no matter what the circumstances.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Yes. That's the idea. However, when you say "this is what I am doing" even if people advise otherwise and you shoot down all advice to the contrary, then it doesn't feel like you're making an informed decision. It feels like you're making a rash decision.
That doesn't mean the advice isn't helping. Even if I'm going to do something it helps me approach it in a better way.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
I don't think anyone doubts that your heart is in the right place. However, even if it is, actions can have unintended consequences and you sometimes appear oblivious to this fact. Not insulting you here, you just seem confused by the general tenor of the responses as a collective, so I'm trying to explain why you're getting that vibe.
Based on our discussions she wouldn't have been right for me the way she was 2 years ago.
Shes learning about life too. I'm 33 now but I never grew up after 15. This might be good for everyone. Im not diving in blindly, I'm going in fresh.
i do appreciate the constructive advice I just can't always express that individually due to time.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
That's awesome. Really.
Mention that more often and let people know that their advice is helpful. Don't be obsequious, but if a post is helpful or even contains something you can internalize, you can voice that. If people feel like you're listening rather than just refuting, you'll get less vitriol.
Life is confusing when you are really trying to take the step to being a man. I know it won't be easy but I've learned the first step is facing my fears.
I wish I could respond to everyone individually but it's best I suck down a few keystones and address the entire group.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Gotcha. I'm hoping like hell that this all works out great and results in you being really happy, I just want to see you follow a path that ultimately leads there. Going too fast is fraught with peril, I just want to see you end up where you want to be.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Just replying to a specific post here and there saying : "I hear you, man. Thanks." will go a long way. You don't need to suck everyone's ####, just make it apparent that you're listening.
I'm not obtuse. I was married once and I had mostly very bad relationships and I learned to be cautious.
Shes special. I know that in my heart. With all my faults her and her son deserve someone that cares. Someone needs to step up to the plate and there aren't a lot of guys that will. In a lot of ways I feel this is right.
Shes special. I know that in my heart. With all my faults her and her son deserve someone that cares. Someone needs to step up to the plate and there aren't a lot of guys that will. In a lot of ways I feel this is right.
I really want to but sometimes I need clarification on certain points first. Believe me I feel like crap that I can't thank everyone individually.
Evilgrin 72
Distributor of Pain
Wait, what? You were married? Never knew that.
I'm all for you stepping up here. She may be your soul mate, if you believe in such things. Just focus on that rather than becoming a dad for the time being, that's all anyone is saying.
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