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So you screwed up and let your wife quit her job. (1 Viewer)

GordonGekko said:
I should've let whoever is running Gecko run with it for a bit.

Nothing kills threads faster than good news.
When Otis used to talk about the era before he met his current wife, he would talk about how he cheated on every last one of them. But that when he met his wife, it all changed, because she was the "hottest" or the premium of them all.

That's not a "character" change, that's a "circumstance" change.

Put Otis' wife in a massive car accident or some situation where she ends up 350 pounds or disfigured, and give it enough time, and that character will eventually pull through the mask. He'll be right back to cheating.

The "circumstance" is right now, his wife is young and nice looking and the envy of some people he knows. That circumstance might and does and could change. It wouldn't be the first time that someone with a real problem with the concept of fidelity ended up trading in their old model for the newer shinier model a few years down the road.

Did your wife have a change in CHARACTER or did she have a change in CIRCUMSTANCE?

A change in character would be if there was no sweetheart job with big pay, and she suddenly stopped and said to herself that she had to start considering what was best for the kids, the marriage and the family unit. She would have sat down and talked to you, not blamed you for the situation. She would have put the kids first, not made herself the primary consideration when under duress.

What she got was a change in circumstance. And what if that new job situation doesn't work out. What if the one she has doesn't work out. What then?

What she has proven is when times were tough, things were under duress, when stress was up, she chose herself. Above you, above your marriage, above your kids. It's when a person is at their lowest, when they are struggling, when they are suffering, when they are in pain, that's when you see, by their actions, their character emerge.

It would be a "happy story" if she chose to do what was right for your marriage and your family when it was the hardest thing in the world for her to do. Not when she could finally support her spending habits and still feel validated by her social circle.

When those circumstances change, you will have to deal with her character again, but then her character was made clear the last time you two had to duke it out over money.

It's your life, your choice, but is this what you want to teach your kids?

How can you have love without respect? How can you have respect without a basic sense of dignity? That's what you are teaching them.

If you believe this is a happy ending, then I feel sorry for your children.
Then again Gecko isn't what he used to be.

Probably for the best I stepped in.

 
People in HR make way too much. What exactly is their skill anyways? They just do a bunch of bs.

 
People in HR make way too much.
They do? Every HR person I know who isn't a director or VP makes like $50K.
http://www.bls.gov/oes/current/oes113121.htm
Those are managers of an HR function at a company, not run of the mill HR people.

BTW, you don't realize how important HR is until you lose it. The company I work for has done major downsizing the last 4 years to the point where we had NO human resources people. They made the finance person temporary HR. This is a public company of 250 people. We used to have a VP of HR, a couple of managers, and a staff of 5 or 6 individual contributors.

It really sucks having no HR function. You have to deal with all employee personal issues yourself, recruiting and benefits are outsourced to 3rd parties, there are no company events, etc.

Recently we finally hired an HR manager. It's made a big difference, even just that one person.

We're having a Steelers-Ravens tailgate party in the office in a couple of hours, which is nice.

 
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GordonGekko said:
Then again Gecko isn't what he used to be.

Probably for the best I stepped in.
Who stepped in was another couple, one of which was able to give your wife a job.

And if that didn't happen, where would you be right now?

What if that job doesn't last? What if that other opportunity doesn't develop? Where will you be then? Of course you won't answer that question, but it's something you don't want to face.

Taking shots at me doesn't change your wife's character. Avoid the topic if you want, but in the end, your children pay and will pay dearly for what you choose to do or ignore in your marriage.

I'm not what I used to be?

YOUR WIFE IS NOT WHAT YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS.

You were spared the full brunt of her character based on circumstance. Circumstance is fleeting, character endures.

One day, and it might be a long time from now, after your marriage has ended, you'll have to watch your son or daughter with someone, someone who mistreats them and devalues them and refuses to accept their responsibility into what should be a partnership. Your children will grow up to believe that's all they'll ever deserve, it's all they should ever expect and all they can hope for, and they'll learn that by watching you and your wife and how you live your lives.

Choose to be a better man, not so you can be a better husband, but so you can be a better father.

Do you even realize how mother ####### sad that is that you are an adult and you need to have that explained to you? That base concepts like dignity, character and partnership have to actually be articulated to you. Then again, maybe that's all your parents did for you, gave you those lessons that it's all you should ever tolerate, all you should ever expect, all you should ever hope for in life.
This alias used to be solid in these rants.

Now it just comes across as trying way too hard.

 
My wife has put about 30k on the cc the last 6 months. I pay it in full every month because I ball so hard but FML. :(
Wat? You know Amex can cap spending on a card?

I don't know what you take home, but if it is less than at least $1M gross, you need to fix that.

If you earn $500k and come home with $300k, your wife is basically lighting 20% of your take home on fire a year.
30/6=5 5*12 = $60 - how does this equate to needing a $1MM job? My amex bill is easily that every month and i don't make anywhere near the $1MM.
His statement leads you to believe that his wife is basically spending $5k a month shopping on non-essentials (shoes, clothes, etc.), that's at least how it read to me. It certainly doesn't read that she spent $30k in the last 6 months, but $20k went to jr's school tuition or something like that. $60k a year on nonsense would equal 20% of $500k gross/$300k net - That would be an abundance of compounding waste IMO. Even at 10%, I'd consider it obnoxious, but more bearable.
I took the card away from her for a long time and gave her a gas card only. I told her that starting next week she's going on allowance again.

 
People in HR make way too much.
They do? Every HR person I know who isn't a director or VP makes like $50K.
http://www.bls.gov/oes/current/oes113121.htm
Those are managers of an HR function at a company, not run of the mill HR people.

BTW, you don't realize how important HR is until you lose it. The company I work for has done major downsizing the last 4 years to the point where we had NO human resources people. They made the finance person temporary HR. This is a public company of 250 people. We used to have a VP of HR, a couple of managers, and a staff of 5 or 6 individual contributors.

It really sucks having no HR function. You have to deal with all employee personal issues yourself, recruiting and benefits are outsourced to 3rd parties, there are no company events, etc.

Recently we finally hired an HR manager. It's made a big difference, even just that one person.

We're having a Steelers-Ravens tailgate party in the office in a couple of hours, which is nice.
I honestly don't know levels of HR. What title would you call run of the mill? Manager seems pretty mid-level by definition.
 
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When the trump spammer agrees with you you've really hit on a winning argument.

Glad to hear things worked out, OP.

 
People in HR make way too much.
They do? Every HR person I know who isn't a director or VP makes like $50K.
http://www.bls.gov/oes/current/oes113121.htm
Those are managers of an HR function at a company, not run of the mill HR people.

BTW, you don't realize how important HR is until you lose it. The company I work for has done major downsizing the last 4 years to the point where we had NO human resources people. They made the finance person temporary HR. This is a public company of 250 people. We used to have a VP of HR, a couple of managers, and a staff of 5 or 6 individual contributors.

It really sucks having no HR function. You have to deal with all employee personal issues yourself, recruiting and benefits are outsourced to 3rd parties, there are no company events, etc.

Recently we finally hired an HR manager. It's made a big difference, even just that one person.

We're having a Steelers-Ravens tailgate party in the office in a couple of hours, which is nice.
I honestly don't know levels of HR. What title would you call run of the mill? Manager seems pretty mid-level by definition.
Managers and up are kind of the same in terms of compensation for all white collar professions. The function doesn't really matter.

Anyone who deals in the actual work of benefits, payroll, recruiting, immigration, company events is what I was thinking when you said HR. Not their bosses (managers).

 
Sheriff Bart said:
My wife has put about 30k on the cc the last 6 months. I pay it in full every month because I ball so hard but FML. :(
Wat? You know Amex can cap spending on a card?

I don't know what you take home, but if it is less than at least $1M gross, you need to fix that.

If you earn $500k and come home with $300k, your wife is basically lighting 20% of your take home on fire a year.
30/6=5 5*12 = $60 - how does this equate to needing a $1MM job? My amex bill is easily that every month and i don't make anywhere near the $1MM.
His statement leads you to believe that his wife is basically spending $5k a month shopping on non-essentials (shoes, clothes, etc.), that's at least how it read to me. It certainly doesn't read that she spent $30k in the last 6 months, but $20k went to jr's school tuition or something like that. $60k a year on nonsense would equal 20% of $500k gross/$300k net - That would be an abundance of compounding waste IMO. Even at 10%, I'd consider it obnoxious, but more bearable.
I took the card away from her for a long time and gave her a gas card only. I told her that starting next week she's going on allowance again.
i had a long rant about allowances a few years ago. If i have time tomorrow i will find it and show you how to structure. Too tired to retype tonight.
 
My wife has put about 30k on the cc the last 6 months. I pay it in full every month because I ball so hard but FML. :(
Wat? You know Amex can cap spending on a card?

I don't know what you take home, but if it is less than at least $1M gross, you need to fix that.

If you earn $500k and come home with $300k, your wife is basically lighting 20% of your take home on fire a year.
30/6=5 5*12 = $60 - how does this equate to needing a $1MM job? My amex bill is easily that every month and i don't make anywhere near the $1MM.
His statement leads you to believe that his wife is basically spending $5k a month shopping on non-essentials (shoes, clothes, etc.), that's at least how it read to me. It certainly doesn't read that she spent $30k in the last 6 months, but $20k went to jr's school tuition or something like that. $60k a year on nonsense would equal 20% of $500k gross/$300k net - That would be an abundance of compounding waste IMO. Even at 10%, I'd consider it obnoxious, but more bearable.
my amex is 5-6k per month bit that is dinner, gas, clothes, etc. Thats how i took it. Let me know if you actual bill is closer to 10k per month we can adjust.
 
High maintenance wives, having kids, paying alimony...you guys are doing it wrong.

I love my hard working, money making, no kid having, frugal wife. When we met over a decade ago, she was going to college and had 2 or 3 jobs.

Happy dinks here.

 
High maintenance wives, having kids, paying alimony...you guys are doing it wrong.

I love my hard working, money making, no kid having, frugal wife. When we met over a decade ago, she was going to college and had 2 or 3 jobs.

Happy dinks here.
Your wife is Chinese?

 
High maintenance wives, having kids, paying alimony...you guys are doing it wrong.

I love my hard working, money making, no kid having, frugal wife. When we met over a decade ago, she was going to college and had 2 or 3 jobs.

Happy dinks here.
dink here as well....what are you going to do take it with you? No debt, own three houses, four cars, etc? Do you just look at a balance in your checking account? What is the point of being a dink?
 
Fwiw just skimming the last few pages; most of these problems are caused from having too much money rather than not enough. Might want to look at it from that perspective.

 
High maintenance wives, having kids, paying alimony...you guys are doing it wrong.

I love my hard working, money making, no kid having, frugal wife. When we met over a decade ago, she was going to college and had 2 or 3 jobs.

Happy dinks here.
dink here as well....what are you going to do take it with you? No debt, own three houses, four cars, etc? Do you just look at a balance in your checking account? What is the point of being a dink?
We enjoy life (travel, have two awesome dogs.....one of which is an English Bulldog puppy we just got, etc.)

Besides, we both have siblings along with nieces/nephews. It's not like it's just us two with absolutely no family.

The no kids thing was partly jest. I do believe though that they aren't meant for everyone and people rush into having them.

 
High maintenance wives, having kids, paying alimony...you guys are doing it wrong.

I love my hard working, money making, no kid having, frugal wife. When we met over a decade ago, she was going to college and had 2 or 3 jobs.

Happy dinks here.
dink here as well....what are you going to do take it with you? No debt, own three houses, four cars, etc? Do you just look at a balance in your checking account? What is the point of being a dink?
Um, a lot less daily stress. No children and no money angst probably eliminates about 80% of what people regularly stress about day to day.

 
If my wife ever decided to stop working, I'd divorce her instantly. No way I'm going to be stuck with either a wife that just sits around all day or paying alimony.
My notebook indicates you're a stay at home Dad, is that incorrect?
Incorrecto mundo. That would be quite hypocritical of me considering I'd be just sitting around all day.
I don't think you have any idea what it takes to be a stay at home parent.

 
If my wife ever decided to stop working, I'd divorce her instantly. No way I'm going to be stuck with either a wife that just sits around all day or paying alimony.
My notebook indicates you're a stay at home Dad, is that incorrect?
Incorrecto mundo. That would be quite hypocritical of me considering I'd be just sitting around all day.
I don't think you have any idea what it takes to be a stay at home parent.
For the record, I'm talking when the kids are in school. Pre-school years are extremely difficult. Once they're in school, its a walk in the park. I've done both for a few month stretches.

 
OK, let's cut to the chase. If she's running through cash like this and not working, yet you don't want to leave her, she has to be a real hellcat in the sack?
and we'll need some visual proof
We still wrestle 4-5 times/week. Married 9 years and I am still all over that. :pickle:
Sweet Jesus, that changes everything. You have sex 4/5 times a week? And you've been married 9 years? Screw you buddy, I wish I had your "problems." Let your wife spend whatever she wants, dummy. I think I'd let her drown my dog if it got me sex 4/5 times a week.
:lmao:

I don't think I ever saw this post.

 
Although this isn't directly related to the o.p., it is nonetheless interesting.

Colleague was just let go yesterday (long-time downsizing/liquidation situation) and we started discussing spouses reactions to their spouse losing their job. One person said that a female colleague was let go a few months ago and her husband asked her 3-4 times a day what she was doing to get a new job. I'm sure a spouses/s.o.'s actions on this is tied to their financial needs to a large extent, but to harp on your spouse continuously is not beneficial to either the spouse's (the one who is looking for a job) mental health or the relationship's health. My wife lost her job and while I would occasionally ask her how an interview went or similar questions, I never pushed her - even when it didn't appear she was going for it aggressively.

 
I have no idea why this was bumped... but this story has another great update as of Septamber.

Her Office Mgr gig at the Drs office turned into an Operations mgr/director position in a brand new side business the doctor friends have started.  :moneybag:

The new position is located right across the freeway from our old gym.. she is working out everyday at lunch. :wub:

I have involved her in the finances and she has improved by leaps and bounds with the spending.  I think this also has something to do with her being involved with the finances at work.  :thumbup:

Win, win, win.

 
I have no idea why this was bumped... but this story has another great update as of Septamber.

Her Office Mgr gig at the Drs office turned into an Operations mgr/director position in a brand new side business the doctor friends have started.  :moneybag:

The new position is located right across the freeway from our old gym.. she is working out everyday at lunch. :wub:

I have involved her in the finances and she has improved by leaps and bounds with the spending.  I think this also has something to do with her being involved with the finances at work.  :thumbup:

Win, win, win.
Pretty sure it has to do with her new boyfriend...but that' just me

 
Often times the wife won’t want to go back to work and the marriage simply breaks.  Glad to hear yours didn’t go that route.

 
I saw your first post about her spending $700 / week. It makes me feel stupid stressing about my wife’s $15 in app purchases for her iPhone games every week. I think that’s more just me being pissy that they don’t let you buy the whole game, though. 

 
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