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Spouse getting botox (1 Viewer)

Been reading a lot of blogs and articles about women hiding botox from their friends and partners. As a male, I picture declining botox and other procedures as the feminist view, but I'm completely wrong. Instead, feminists almost universally support botox because it is a way for women to decide how they view themselves. 

The best articles tend to be from Australia, like this one:

https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/beauty/why-are-guys-more-scared-of-botox-than-women/news-story/9d749aa3d576cc87e028cacfbab55bbb 

 
Maybe she did it in secret because she was afraid of the reaction from her overbearing, jerk of a husband.

Nobody wants to be a wrinkled old bag.

And she's getting the jugs. Just make sure she gets the big ones....for your sake.

You'll be all in before you know it.

 
Wait, your wife did something behind your back and is mad at you because she got caught?  Makes you wonder what else she has done that you don't know about...

 
comfortably numb said:
I can empathize with OP on some levels.

My wife is always saying she wants to do this and that. Botox is on her wishlist. For me it is about the money on some level. Not really the 1 time thing but my wife is pretty vain and 9 years older than me. I'm trying to avoid a situation where she starts with botox which leads to a lot more botox a d eventually leads to a tummy tuck or lipo on her arms etc.

Basically I dont want to be spending 5-20k in the next several years on random cosmetic stuff.

I just assume it will be a waste of money and she will never be truly satisfied with her looks not to mention I feel once you break the seal of cosmetic alterations you have to keep up with it causing more alterations and upkeep to where she will look hideous.

She hasn't pressed super hard but as she approaches 50 in a few years I can see her pushing to want to do something. 
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This really only applies if she has unreasonable expectations or is doing it for non-healthy reasons.  (i'm thinking body dysmorphia here.)

And it's her money, too.  Just because you don't want it, doesn't make it less important or necessary to her, especially since she's a cradle-robber, you whipper-snapper.

Part of the problem here is that bad plastic surgery is really obvious, but most good surgeries are unnoticeable.  Keeping it secret increases the likelihood of getting the bad stuff.  Research is your buddy here.

 
@JB Breakfast Club

Botox isn't worth the money, unless you have money to burn.  It has way too short of a lifespan per dollar to continually do it (it would be different if it was once for a special occasion like a wedding or something where there are a lot of lifetime pictures being taken).  I mean for $500 every six months it wouldn't be too long before you could save up enough money for a more permanent tuck for whatever she's trying to tighten.  Not to mention the creams, gels, face-masks and other snake-oil that she's probably been trying too.

I was against plastic surgery for a looooong time.  Before mine had her boob job I kept telling her, "why would you want to put a nice new shinny bumper on an old beat up ford truck?"  But, being male I was eventually talked into some brand new fun bags.  It turned out to be one of the best decisions we ever made because it wasn't just a new shinny bumper on an old ford truck.  It went a long way to improving the way she saw herself as a woman.  Her self esteem and confidence improved tremendously.  I think she changed just as much on the inside as she did on the outside.

That said, it's not for everyone and timing is everything.  IMO: There are a lot of good surgeons out there and it's a great option to help keep a 50 year old woman looking like she's sill in her 30s and help keep her looking 20 years younger the rest of her life.  Plastic surgery goes wrong when the 70 year old tries to keep looking like she's 30.  We've had three surgeries total and both agree that we are done.  She looks great, and more importantly, she feels great.

As far as her not telling you about the Botox; I wouldn't sweat it at all.  They spend all kinds of money on make-up and the snake-oils mentioned above and never tell you. There isn't any difference.  

 
Mrs. Rannous said:
This really only applies if she has unreasonable expectations or is doing it for non-healthy reasons.  (i'm thinking body dysmorphia here.)

And it's her money, too.  Just because you don't want it, doesn't make it less important or necessary to her, especially since she's a cradle-robber, you whipper-snapper.

Part of the problem here is that bad plastic surgery is really obvious, but most good surgeries are unnoticeable.  Keeping it secret increases the likelihood of getting the bad stuff.  Research is your buddy here.
Click to expand...
We could debate the "her money too in a different topic" lol

On her looks I say that she will never be happy because I know despite being beautiful she hates the thought of getting old. Absolutely hates it. Like fear.  Doesn't want anything to do with a  birthday celebration. Like....would be pissed if I had people over. Gets really annoyed when I mention her age to people. Just hates the though of aging or getting sick etc.

So the wrinkles, the arm fat, the little cooter pouch, the hairs the, sagging boobs etc

Any surgery or procedure now will not give her the full satisfaction. It's a temporary fix.

 
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JB Breakfast Club said:
Agree on this. I was surprised that was her request to feel balance, so it must be more of an issue than I think. 

She's really mad at me. Spent the last few evenings in the bedroom once the toddler went down. Now she's off to a work meeting for a few days. She tried to get out the back door with as little interaction as possible. I stopped her for a hug. Hopefully a few days apart serves as a reset, and we get back to normal when she returns. 
Click to expand...
I completely missed the part where there is a reason why she should be so mad.  I mean you've at least discussed a boob job and it's only $500.  Unexpected, especially hidden, changes in appearance can be a signal for trouble for relationships too.  

 
E-Z Glider said:
Everyone seems more focused on the cost, but does this ever look good/natural? I've probably only ever seen/noticed that bad ones, but it usually looks terrible to me. Would highly discourage my wife from ever doing this.
Click to expand...
You don't notice the good ones.

E-Z Glider said:
But what's the end-game? To eventually look like Kathie Lee or Joan Rivers? At some point you look plastic and completely unnatural.
Click to expand...
People like that are addicted.  There isn't any reason go get multiple face-lifts in my opinion.  Timing is everything, see my post to bender above.

 
Gianni Verscotchie said:
Maybe she did it in secret because she was afraid of the reaction from her overbearing, jerk of a husband.

Nobody wants to be a wrinkled old bag.

And she's getting the jugs. Just make sure she gets the big ones....for your sake.

You'll be all in before you know it.
Click to expand...
He’ll be all in or some other dude will. 

 
tonydead said:
I completely missed the part where there is a reason why she should be so mad.  I mean you've at least discussed a boob job and it's only $500.  Unexpected, especially hidden, changes in appearance can be a signal for trouble for relationships too.  
Click to expand...
I probably didn't express my opinion as smooth as I thought I did. She felt she needed to hide it because she knows I don't like it. Then she felt I was shaming her and trying to control her body. Basically, she feels I don't have a right to be mad because it's part of her beauty routine and self confidence. That's our primary fight pattern (we very rarely argue) - I get mad about something,  she gets mad that I'm mad, time passes. 

 
comfortably numb said:
I can empathize with OP on some levels.

My wife is always saying she wants to do this and that. Botox is on her wishlist. For me it is about the money on some level. Not really the 1 time thing but my wife is pretty vain and 9 years older than me. I'm trying to avoid a situation where she starts with botox which leads to a lot more botox a d eventually leads to a tummy tuck or lipo on her arms etc.

Basically I dont want to be spending 5-20k in the next several years on random cosmetic stuff.

I just assume it will be a waste of money and she will never be truly satisfied with her looks not to mention I feel once you break the seal of cosmetic alterations you have to keep up with it causing more alterations and upkeep to where she will look hideous.

She hasn't pressed super hard but as she approaches 50 in a few years I can see her pushing to want to do something. 
Click to expand...
Just a couple points to consider that I hope help.

1- My wife is 6 years older than me and looks way younger than me.  By at least 10 years.

2- Your wife is at the ideal age, imo.

3- Consider that the benefits can be more than cosmetic.

4- It is expensive, more than you have listed there.  

5- It's important to make sure your wife is committed.  It would be a waste of money to get lipo or a tummy tuck if she's not committed to working out and staying fit.

 
JB Breakfast Club said:
I probably didn't express my opinion as smooth as I thought I did. She felt she needed to hide it because she knows I don't like it. Then she felt I was shaming her and trying to control her body. Basically, she feels I don't have a right to be mad because it's part of her beauty routine and self confidence. That's our primary fight pattern (we very rarely argue) - I get mad about something,  she gets mad that I'm mad, time passes. 
Click to expand...
:thumbup:   Apologies and roses when she gets home!

 
comfortably numb said:
We could debate the "her money too in a different topic" lol

On her looks I say that she will never be happy because I know despite being beautiful she hates the thought of getting old. Absolutely hates it. Like fear.  Doesn't want anything to do with a  birthday celebration. Like....would be pissed if I had people over. Gets really annoyed when I mention her age to people. Just hates the though of aging or getting sick etc.

So the wrinkles, the arm fat, the little cooter pouch, the hairs the, sagging boobs etc

Any surgery or procedure now will not give her the full satisfaction. It's a temporary fix.
Click to expand...
Given your description, in your case, you may be right.  Goes to the unrealistic expectations thing.  It's surgery, not a time machine.

 
JB Breakfast Club said:
I filed a pile of old mail upon returning from a family vacation and discovered a billing for botox injections my wife had a few months back. It's a procedure she didn't tell me about, and she paid in cash to try to avoid a paper trail. I did some research and found out that over half of botox patients hide the procedure from their spouse. 

So...am I supposed to be mad about this? I don't like plastic surgery, and my wife knows it. I did let her know that I know, and she told me I was shaming her by making her feel bad about getting it done.  It's her body and she can do with it as she pleases, but I'm really struggling with just letting this go for some reason. 

Help?
Click to expand...
Do you tell her when you take Viagra?

 
JB Breakfast Club said:
She brought up a boob job about 5 years ago. We've had another kid since then. I wonder if it's going to come up again since she just received a big bonus from work...I know a few women who had them, and they seem really happy about the results, but I think they look weird. 
Click to expand...
ask their (former) husbands how they liked the results 

 
JB Breakfast Club said:
Agree on this. I was surprised that was her request to feel balance, so it must be more of an issue than I think. 

She's really mad at me. Spent the last few evenings in the bedroom once the toddler went down. Now she's off to a work meeting for a few days. She tried to get out the back door with as little interaction as possible. I stopped her for a hug. Hopefully a few days apart serves as a reset, and we get back to normal when she returns. 
Click to expand...
I think I see the issue here 

 
DallasDMac said:
I'm interested to hear your sure-fire plan to turn a "she won't even talk to me" situation in to a "porn sex" situation. Apparently it's easy since his card is on the line.
Click to expand...
She was deceitful for months.  She spent hundreds behind his back.  And she's not talking to him?  WTF?

How could he have played this so badly?  I clearly missed something. 

 
I went out to dinner with my family last night and the woman sitting at the next table, directly in my line of sight, had pretty big botox injected lips... she looked like a duck.  Obviously made me think of this thread.... Not sure why anyone would want to look like that.

 
James Daulton said:
She was deceitful for months.  She spent hundreds behind his back.  And she's not talking to him?  WTF?

How could he have played this so badly?  I clearly missed something. 
Click to expand...
I don't think deceitful is the right word. She treated herself to something she really wanted and justified to herself that she didn't need to tell me. We've all done that.

At this point, I just want everything above board. If botox is going to be a regular part of her beauty routine, I want to know. I might ask to attend her next session to learn more about it (although she will probably say she doesn't want me there). I really hope she can keep from escalating the procedures. I cannot stop her from getting more done, but I need her to understand that her decisions also impact me. Moving up to fillers and other foreign substances is when it's going to get really weird for me.

Anyway, we've been texting like normal the past few days, and we're going to get a sitter to get out for some one on one time. I'm going to tell her that I've been reading a bunch of articles and blogs to try to understand her viewpoint and how I would like to go forward. Hopefully that'll get us on the right track and put this in the background. 

 
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fatness said:
She had the surgeries, not "we" if I'm understanding you correctly. And "we" may or may not not be done.
Click to expand...
I'd wager to guess you're not understanding correctly if you claim to know more than I do about what decisions have been made between me and my wife.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
I don't think it's deceitful at all unless you have some sort of budgeting rules in the house that require you to report all that you spend, over a certain dollar amount or whatever.

 
JB Breakfast Club said:
I don't think deceitful is the right word. She treated herself to something she really wanted and justified to herself that she didn't need to tell me. We've all done that.

At this point, I just want everything above board. If botox is going to be a regular part of her beauty routine, I want to know. I might ask to attend her next session to learn more about it (although she will probably say she doesn't want me there). I really hope she can keep from escalating the procedures. I cannot stop her from getting more done, but I need her to understand that her decisions also impact me. Moving up to fillers and other foreign substances is when it's going to get really weird for me.

Anyway, we've been texting like normal the past few days, and we're going to get a sitter to get out for some one on one time. I'm going to tell her that I've been reading a bunch of articles and blogs to try to understand her viewpoint and how I would like to go forward. Hopefully that'll get us on the right track and put this in the background. 
Click to expand...
I still say she owes you some top notch sex.

 
Steeler said:
I went out to dinner with my family last night and the woman sitting at the next table, directly in my line of sight, had pretty big botox injected lips... she looked like a duck.  Obviously made me think of this thread.... Not sure why anyone would want to look like that.
Click to expand...
Nobody injects Botox in their lips

 
Steeler said:
My bad.  I've never looked into it so I don't know the details of the procedures... she obviously had something done and it looked terrible... made me think of this thread   :shrug:
Click to expand...
Collagen injections for the lips I believe and I agree that almost always look bad 

 
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