Stat Book Giveaway (20 books total) (1 Viewer)

[David Dodds]

Rules are simple.1. You must post in this topic to be considered.2. If you are selected, you will be notified by PM so we can get your mailing address.3. You can enter as many times as you like, but massive bad entries will likely turn away the judges.4. Please use the edit key to refine your work before the deadline. We will ship the book priority mail so it will get in your hands quickly if your work is chosen.Now here is what we want:Give us your best "Fake Update" Story. It's that simple. You know the format:HeadlineFull article link:Clipped from:Main article[[[[[[[[[ Our View ]]]]]]]]]]]The 20 best efforts will be compiled and sent out to our 50,000 on the mailing list as well as posted on the website.

 

[Joe Bryant]

We'll make it the "Top Secret Stories from BlackEyedJoe.com" Update...



J

 

[Macdaddy_2004]

Does our "Fake Update" have to come from a real story or can the whole update be totally fictional ???Maybe you can provide us an example

 

[Defending Champs]

I'd say let your imagination run wild and you never know what you'll come up with.

 

[David Dodds]

I am guessing most will be fictional (maybe with a tinge of the truth)ieRicky Williams to lead Reggae FestPrison Football Squad Eyeing talented Jamal Lewis as the Missing Piece

 

[Joe Bryant]

Does our "Fake Update" have to come from a real story or can the whole update be totally fictional ???

Maybe you can provide us an example

Hi Mac,Whatever you like. I'd guess most will be fictional stuff about real players.

Brett Favre has Liver Tranplant Thursday, Probable for Saturday's Preseason Game"

That type of stuff.

It needs to be funny.

"Clinton Portis tears ACL in Practice Today" is not funny. Plus it takes no talent.

I'm guessing some will be outrageous and instantly recognizable as a spoof. Others will take a minute to get.

The all time classic standard for this is the Sports Illustrated story several years ago that ran on April 1 where they "discovered" the pitching phenom from the backwoods that could throw a fast ball 140 mph or whatever it was.

You guys know how our email updates layout. If you don't know, Here's a Link Think about how the update will look as we take the top 20 stories. I'd think we'll start off with some semi believable stories and then progressively work our way down the list to the outrageous "Ricky Williams Has a Sex Change and Un Retires" / "Peyton Manning Goes on Shoplifting Spree" type stuff.

Note on that - we'll probably send this to all the subscribers on the list. So it'll need to be PG rated to make the cut.

I see pushing it as something they can forward to the "guppies" in their league as the latest scoop from this great new site they found, Blackeyedjoe.com

It'll be funny to read, plus you get the bonus of having them punk'd when they visit the site.

Have fun.

J

 

[texasheat]

Ok I'll give it a try....

 

[Repressed Dennis]

Ron Dayne's Training regimen a Success, says Coughlin

Full article link: Dayne Article - Washington Post

Clipped From: Washington Post, August 19, 2004

Main Article: In an extensive interview today, NY Giants head Coach Tom Coughlin talked about the stunning turnaround in Ron Dayne's fortunes with the Giants this year. Widely considered a bust in his four years with the team, Dayne did not play a snap in 2003 for former coach Jim Fassel. Dayne has received major playing time in camp for NY this year, and had a spectacular first preseason game against Kansas City, rushing 11 times for 118 yards and 2 TDs.

Coach Coughlin credited Dayne's rebound to his extensive, and unique, new training techniques. "It's a different style than anything I've seen before - he's been working with some Asian atheletes, I guess some kind of Martial Artists" said the Giants coach with some awe in his voice. "He just displays so much power and explosiveness now, it's hard to fathom why he wasn't playing before!"

Asked to comment, ex-Coach Fassel exclaimed "Ron Dayne is still a big fat tub of goo! If he's a starting running back in the NFL then I'm just Brian Billick's trained chimp!"

The object of this heated controversy was modest when asked to account for his turnaround. Mr. Dayne merely bowed, muttered something unintelligble under his breath, and walked off to the showers.

We're expecting to see a lot more of Ron Dayne this year than we did in 2003 - a lot more.

[[[[[[[[[ Our View ]]]]]]]]]]]

Jim Fassel is a fantasy football god, and we would never contradict his opinion. Only draft Dayne after someone in your league has tried to draft Fred Layne or someone else equally dead.

 

[texasheat]

1. Browns: QB Jeff Garcia admits he is indeed gay

Full Article:

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/F/Browns_are_gay?

Clipped from: Guy Sportts, BS Associated Press

The speculation has gone on for years. Is Jeff Garcia gay? Recent rumblings

between the new Browns quarterback and his ex-teammate Terrell Owens has sparked further investigation into this rumor.

During team 7 on 7 drills during their Tuesday afternoon practice Garcia was seen

repeatedly approaching a teammate from behind as he was bent over. The player that seemed most enamored with was Browns center Jeff Faine. The curious thing here is that none of the players seemed to be bothered by this behavior.

In a post practice interview Garcia was peppered with questions about his actions

in practice. One reporter asked "Do you find it difficult to do your job in this atmosphere?" Garcia simply glared at the reporter and went on to the next question. This is when I asked him "Are you gay?" Garcia paused for a few seconds and looked up to the ceiling multiple times before replying "Yes, I am gay. I am so happy right now the way things are going in camp."

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

There are some mixed signals coming out about this story. We will have to watch closely in the coming days how this news will affect his teammates. This could greatly affect Garcia's draft position in your league. Another thing to consider is if Faine should go down with an injury, how would this effect the Pro-Bowl quarterback emotionally? Stay tuned.

 

[Colin Dowling]

Tice to give Burleson Goalline Carries.

http://vikings.com/coachschat/08182004

Clipped from Vikings.com

"Tuesday night, after 5 or 6 brandies, Vikings head coach Mike Tice dropped a bombshell on those still in attendence in his office: wide-receiver Nate Burleson will get most of the goalline carries for the team this season. Said Tice, 'I'm so friggin' sick of all this chatter about Mike (Bennett) and O (Onterrio Smith). These fantasy football dorks are driving me crazy. All day long, emails, phone calls, carrier pidgeons with notes tied to their wings... all wondering who's going to score! I've had it. We're giving Nate (Burleson) every carry inside the 10. No scrap that. Everything inside the 20. He's our guy, he's the horse we're going to ride. He's such an explosive player, and we have to find ways to get him out there to make some things happen. Mike and Onterrio will play a little too. Same with Moe (Williams) and Mewhatever his name is, the Moore kid. He'll get some looks. And Larry Ned's going to dress too. But Nate's our guy. Now poor me another brandy...."

Our View

We've been saying all along that Nate Burleson is very undervalued, and now it appears we were right all along, again. As the feature back for the Vikings inside the 20, he could be good for 15-20 touchdowns. Considering he can be in your lineup as a wide-receiver, we think Burleson is a must-have this year. We have a word for players like that around here: VALUE.

HERD

 

[CaptainHucklebuck]

McNair breaks clavicle, pelvis, left testicle, has prostate torn from body in freak window-washing accident.

Doctors say he may be out up to 3 days

Full Article link: McNair's Website

Clipped From: Greenville Daily Sun

Doctors in Tennessee this week have finished a surgery McNair described as “minor” and are hopeful that McNair will play in the Titans’ next preseason game. McNair, known for his toughness and ability to play through pain, will be listed as “questionable” for the preseason game, and due to his injury will be expected to play for only three quarters with a pass count of between 20-25 and 6-7 rushes.

“It hurts,” said McNair, through a computer-programmed-thought-activated-voice-box. “The worst part is the series of excruciating minor surgeries.” McNair was referring to the 18 straight hours of surgery which were necessary after his freak window-washing injury. According to police, the bottle of whiskey McNair was washing the windows with slipped out of his hand, striking the hammer of the gun he had loaded and cocked in his left pants pocket, which managed to blow his prostate completely out of his body. McNair then began to fall two full stories to the ground, but was stopped when the ladder he was on fell backwards and was stuck on a tree limb. Thinking he was saved, McNair began to look for his bottle when the rung his hand was clinging to broke, dropping him the rest of the way to the ground and finally wedging itself between his legs, splitting his left testicle completely in half. In the process of landing, his clavicle and pelvis were also broken. Doctors say that the injuries would have been less severe had McNair not removed the ladder-rung from his crotch, climbed onto his bicycle, and ridden 26 miles to the nearest hospital. Along the way, he apparently stopped to deliver a baby, tutor five children in basic chemistry, and rescue a litter of puppies from a burning building.

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

It’s going to take a lot more than the reported six times McNair coded on the table to keep him out of the lineup this week. Expect his mobility to be limited due to the full-body cast, but he should still be able to put up 30-40 rushing yards and 300+ passing yards, with 3-5 total TDs in three quarters.

 

[dotman]

1. Bills: Is McGahee literally the "golden boy"?

Full Article: http://www.buffaloexpress.com/mcgaheegold

Clipped from: Buffalo Express, August 19th, 2004

Doctors are baffled over recent x-rays and examinations on the legs of running back Willis McGahee, as it seems they may contain gold.

Willis McGahee headed to the coast to enjoy his Tuesday off just days after his first football game since his devastating college injury. What was intended to be a a quiet day at the beach went awry when a passerby's metal detector went crazy as he walked by a sunning Willis.

"At first I thought he had to be laying on something, but then we realized it only went off when put to his legs" said Art Vandelay, who claimed McGahee's legs belong to him, since he found them first.

Asked to comment on the situation, McGahee replied "They always told me I had golden legs at Miami. Who knew they was right!?"

Doctors are also looking in to see if the gold poses any serious risk to McGahee, along with if it could have contributed to his college knee injury.

We caught up with Travis Henry on the way to the doctor, where he commented "If there's gold in Willis, there's got to be platinum in my legs! I'm going to go get checked out right now." He also said he wouldn't sit the bench behind "goldie locks" and would request a trade should McGahee be named the starter.

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

The hype train has reached top speed for Willis. As far as were concerned, Travis is still the starter, and his value is increasing everytime a new McGahee article comes out.

 

[BillyBobBoDean]

Broncos: Denver will go RBBC says Shanahan

Full Article:

http://broncos.org/rbbc

Clipped from: RBBC Times

Denver coach Mike Shanahan announced today that he will feature all four running backs in every game this year. "They all have talent, and I would hate to waste it", he commented. According to the official playbook that sources close to the team have viewed, it looks like the following breakdown of when each running back will be in the game:

Garrison Hearst- Will play 20% of first downs, most second downs with less than 6 yards to gain for a first, and sometimes third down.

Quentin Griffin- Will play 30% of first downs, very few second downs, and 50% of third downs when more than 4 yards are needed for a first down.

Tatum Bell- Will play 30% of first downs, all second downs of more than 6 yards needed, but third downs only at home games.

Mike Anderson- Will play 20% of first downs, no second downs unless Hearst or Bell are tired, and third downs only during road divisional games.

When asked by a reporter if he knows what that means to millions of Fantasy Football players all over the world?, Coach Shanahan replied "(explecitve)"!

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

As in the past, when the Broncos have had Running Back controversy, we say grab them all and you'll be sure to get a winner.

 

[KKrew]

#1. OAK RB Williams Says 'I'm Back'

Full Article:

http://www.miami.com/lebatardlovesricky/mi...tball/OU812.htm

Clipped from: Dan Lebatard's Fax Machine, 8/18/04

In a stunning develop that is sure to rock the National Football League, running back Ricky Williams has recinded his retirement and will be eligible to play for the Oakland Raiders effective October 3. The Raiders travel to Houston for a Week 4 tilt against the Houston Texans.

"I'm thrilled with this. I couldn't be happier. I've always wanted to be a Raider." Said the five year NFL veteran. "The idea of playing for an organization that has fielded Lyle Alzado and Bill Romanowski is a dream come true" added Williams.

While in Texas, Williams is expected to re-enroll in the University of Texas. Williams says that he plans to major in Herbology. "I'll play the season and the really hit the books hard. Jacksonville in February will be a great place to study." Williams expects to go full time at UT after the Superbowl. However, Williams believes that he can shoulder both the athletic and the academic load. "I can get it done. Herbology is another dream of mine."

The Raiders paid a King's ransom to the Miami Dolphins for the rights to Williams. Although terms of the trade were not disclosed, an industry insider with intimate knowledge of the deal said that Al Davis sent Hall of Famer Jerry Rice and Oakland's 2005 and 2006 first round draft selections to the Dolphins. Further, an industry source noted that Davis sent keys to Warren Sapp's Tampa condominium to Dave Wannstedt.

"The Raider organization, the Raider family and the Raider fans have much to be happy about today", said Davis. "I expect Norvell and Richard to work well together and bring a championship to the Raiders", added Davis.

In a related story, Dade County Sheriffs searched the home and office of Dave Wannstedt shortly after Wannstedt visited Sapp's condominium. A Sherriff's Department insider disclosed that authorites believe that Wannstedt visited Sapp's condominium in an effort to find dibenzo-peryllene. Dibenzo-peryllene is the latest substance suspected to mask NFL drug testing protocols.

[[[[[[[[[ Our View ]]]]]]]]]]]

Just when you thought the Ricky Williams Circus had ended a new chapter is opened. Obviously Williams will shoot up draft baords. How high? If you're a Subscriber to FBG visit this link for our best guess at Williams' projections in Oakland: www.footballguys.com/projections/yeahthatsrightwehaverickyrankednumberone/html

For you non-subscribers (what the heck are you waiting for?), we think Ricky will STEP UP and be the man in Oakland. Further, we believe Rice will fill in nicely for David Boston.

 

[jcjets]

NFL front offices acknowledge Fantasy Football and its impact on the gameClipped From: Internal league office memoIn a NFL league memo it was discovered that Fantasy Football is having a bigger impact on the game then the league anticipated. High-ranking league officials believe that it has “gotten out of hand, as players today are more concerned with their personal stats rather then winning the game for the team”. The league is trying to come up with a few ideas on how to put the team first again rather than focus on the individuals. “We have no control over a players contracts and how they include individual incentives such yardage or Touchdowns. We would like to see more contracts have clauses in them concerning winning their division or even the superbowl".This procedure is already underway, and may explain San Diego’s attempt to put the superbowl victory clause in their 2004 first round selection Phillip Rivers contract, which in turn was rejected. “The Phillip Rivers contract is a step in the right direction, its shame it was rejected for other reasons”. A few of the ideas mentioned in the league wide memo were to have the NFL official papers and websites show all stats on a team basis rather than on an individual player basis. Another suggestion was to remove numbers and names from the players’ jerseys. [[[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]]]]Not to worry fantasy fans, if something like this does happen down the road, we will have our work cut out for us, but we will still bring you all the scoring details you need. However, we do agree it would be nice to have team incentives built into each players contract; we don’t believe that will happen anytime soon.

 

[Bristol]

LESNAR SUCCESS CAUSES TICE TO LOOK AT OTHER WRESTLERS

Full Article:

http://www.startribune.com/stories/510/4933778.html

Clipped from: Minneapolis-St Paul Star Tribune

Brock Lesnar's recent successful transition from professional wrestler to professional football player has caused Mike Tice to look closer at wrestlers from the WWE.

"Wrestlers are athletes, just like football players. The skills and abilities mimic those of professional football players. I would be foolish if I didn't take a closer look at what the WWE has to offer" said Tice.

Insiders report that the Vikings have already entered into talks with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to become a future NFL player. Johnson was a teammate of Warren Sapp in his days with the Maimi Hurricanes.

<<OUR VIEW>>

This is a logical move. For years, the WWE has promoted the NFL by allowing players to wrestle (Lawrence Taylor, William Perry). Looks like it is time for the NFL to return the favor. Personally, we wish that they would bring in the "Honky Tonk Man" or "Koko B. Ware". At least we would know that the endzone celebrations would be great.

 

[Rayderr]

Dolphins: Ricky Williams goes back to school

Full Article:

http://www.ncaa.com/diviii/news/chapaman/football/037857.htm

Clipped from: NCAA Division III News

After his sudden departure from the NFL, Ricky Williams has decided to go back to school to work on getting his law degree. He enrolled at Austin College, so that he could be close to his hometown of Duncanville, Texas.

Williams hopes to be able to earn his degree, and pass the Texas Bar Exam so that he may work at changing the nation's marijuana laws.

It did not take long for Austin College to capitalize on the former Heisman Winner attending their school. Austin College Law Professors quickly found a loophole which enables Williams to play for their football team, to which Williams quickly agreed to.

"I love playing college ball." said Williams, "NFL football is just business, college ball is just fun."

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

We're glad to see that Ricky has decided to further his education since his retirement. It should be noted though, that the same loophole that allows for Ricky to play Division III football, also allows him to declare himself elligible for the 2008 NFL Draft.

 

[nerangers]

Headline: Allen Iverson: From Dribbler to Scrambler!

Full article link: http://www.phillynews.com

Clipped from: The Philadelphia Inquirer

Main article

One word comes to mind when you think of Allen Iverson: BASKETBALL! Philadelphia 76ers Guard Iverson though says Basketball has not always been his first love. “Football was always my favorite sport” Iverson told reporters, “but it was my MOM that wanted me to play basketball”. So why is Iverson thinking about the Grid Iron now? After a stunning first round dream team lost to Puerto Rico at the Olympics, it was rumored that Iverson contacted his agent about pursuing a career in the NFL. "A loss like that has to affect a player of Iverson’s caliber" said Aaron Brooks, Quarterback for the New Orlean Saints and long time friend of Iverson. Iverson had called Brooks from Greece a day after the loss. Brooks and Iverson were Quarterback rivals growing up in Virginia. “Iverson would be a great addition to the NFL” Brooks stated. “He can back me up anytime!”

[[[[[[[[[ Our View ]]]]]]]]]]]

At Bethel High School his junior year, Iverson quarterbacked his football team to the State Championships. It is rumored that Arizona, Chicago, and Dallas have all already made inquiries with Iverson’s agent about obtaining his services as a backup Quarterback. Many Philly fans are already hoping that Iverson would become a Philadelphia Eagle. If Iverson was to break into the NFL, he would have no fantasy value this season due to his broken thumb.

 

[Zasada]

Headline: Steve McNair Dies in Auto Accident -- Jeff Fisher Lists QB as "Questionable" for Sunday's Game

Full Article Link: Blackeyedjoe.com

Clipped From: Chattanooga Times

Despite having perished in an automobile accident on Sunday night, Titans QB Steve McNair has been listed as "Questionable" for Sunday's game by Head Coach Jeff Fisher. When asked for comment on the apparent incongruency, Fisher responded "I am not about to make things easier for our opponents by tipping my hand on the status of any injured player. They'll see if Steve is starting at the same time everybody else does."

Shortly after the news of McNair's death broke, Titans backup QB Billy Volek quickly assumed the role of starter, but after a closed-door meeting with Fisher, has become more reserved in his appraisal of the situation. Reporters pressured Volek to reveal his status for the upcoming game but the Titan simply emulated his coach's stance: "Steve is a tough guy and he's pulled through for us from some pretty serious injuries in the past -- this week is no exception", he said.

The rest of the team also seems to be on-board with coach Fisher's attempt at secrecy. Following practice today, Titans receiver Derrick Mason went on to speculate on the apparent unlikelihood of McNair being able to play in Sunday's match: "This isn't that outrageous -- I can think of a bunch of guys who haven't been stopped by something as seemingly insurmountable as an untimely demise. Heck, there's Jesus, for one. It was Easter long weekend and Jesus was not going to let his crew down, so he came back for 40 whole days before finally retiring. Then there's Freddy, Jason, Chuckie, and all those other bad-### dudes. Steve is a badder-### than them, yet they managed to keep coming back to do their jobs. And don't forget Keith Richards."

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

Keep a close eye on this one. Jeff Fisher is notorious for keeping the status of his players' injuries close to his chest, and this is no exception. We'll keep you posted.

 

[Tigerpiper]

Shanahan justifies injury reports claiming HIPAA compliance issues

It did not take long for Mike "Skeletor" Shanahan to respond to the NFL's recent demand for increased specificity with regard to weekly injury reports.

"It is outrageous," Shanahan sneered, "that my player's privacy is printed on the front page of the paper each week. I have already contacted the ACLU regarding this matter." He then waived the 10th inside page of the Rocky Moutain News Sports Section. "This may not be the front page, but its close enough!" He bellowed.

You may recall that the NFL recently directed teams to indentify the specific body part injured as well as the severity of the injury in terms of "out", "doubtful", or "probable."

Shanahan continued: "My injury reports more than gave enough information to anyone who needed it. Look at our home game against the Chiefs last year:

name _____________ status _______________ injury_________location

Terrell Davis____ Still thinking about it________don't like them __Denver, Colorado

That tells you anything you want to know about an integral cog of our offense," the coach said of his retired running back who did not play a snap last year.

"Or take this one from our first preseason game:

name _________________status_____________ injury ____________________location

#u####n G#####n____ In and out_____potential subdural enfarction_____What are you, his mother?

I mean, what more do you want to know? My first 10 plays (not that I know them)? I clearly note that he, or she, may be in, or out, of this game." Shanahan hissed.

Shanahan then filed this season's injury reports in advance, and closed the remainder of Tuesday's practice.

Our take:

Considering TD was retired this year, I don't like the chances of getting anything out of Shanahan except occasional confirmations that his team will play on Suday or Monday of the coming week.

 

[Chumpson]

SHAUN ALEXANDER FOLLOWS GOD'S INSTRUCTIONS!! NOT FOOTBALL!!

Full Article Link: NFL FEATURES

Clipped from: NFL.com

"God wants me be somewhere where people notice me." says, Alexander.

This comment was made when asked about his future with the Seattle Seahawks since his contract expires after this year. Nobody, even the "Chatter" who posed the question expected such a response.

Alexander says referring to "Olympic Kid Wonder", Michael Phelps, "Everyone, including me, knows who this kid is and what he is accomplishing. Up here in "Rainville" nobody even notices me."

He apparently thinks he has a decent chance of being a swimmer due to his background in the field.

"I was the best swimmer in my "Minnow" class when I was taking lessons at the local pool back in Boone County. I have no doubt in my mind I could do it if God wanted me to and I think he does."

Next an online chatter asked about training and such that would be required to take on such a challenge which was responded with, "That Phelps kid doesn't even lift weights, I definitely have strength training on him." "I mean it is swimming, once you learn you don't forget, much like riding a bike. If God wants me to get on this bike I will."

This is an amazing quote from a chat that that was recently held on NFL.com.

[[[[[[[ Our View ]]]]]]]Shaun has always said he was interested in playing in another city, but we had no idea he was thinking of doing a different sport. Keep a close eye on this one fellas because it will, even more drastically, diminish the talent poll of RBs making them more valueable in your drafts.

More on this as we hear it.

 

[Joe Bryant]

Bee-YOU-tee-ful.Keep 'em rolling, Guys. Great work.J

 

[Defending Champs]

1.RB Barry Sanders (FA): First Player to come out of Hall of Fame and Play?

Full Article: http://www.miamiherald.com.barry.sanders./whatabunchofbs

Clipped from: Miami Herald article by Brian Eilering, 8/18/04

After the disastrous start to the 2004 NFL campaign, things might be looking brighter in South Beach.

Former Detroit Lion super star and current Hall of Famer Barry Sanders is coming out of hibernation.

Sanders agent is reporting the Miami Herald that Sanders wants to be the first player to ever play in the NFL after retiring and then being inducted into Pro Footballs HOF.

With the sudden retiring of Smokey the Bandit, otherwise known as Ricky Williams and the surprising knee injury to the Dolphins WR and Mr. Olympian David Boston, the Phins are looking anywhere and everywhere to fill some holes.

“We feel as if Barry can add the spark to our team that we so drastically need” says Head Coach Dave Wannstedt. “Hell, let’s be honest, my job is on the line, if we weren’t able to land a player like this, I was going to get fired”.

Management disagreed with Wannstedt saying “It really doesn’t matter who we sign, he’s going to get fired anyway.”

Sanders dad claims “I don’t care if he rushes for another 4,000 yards, he will never be as good as Jim Brown. I think Travis Minor has more abilities than my son”.

((((((((Our View))))))))

Barry has kept in prime shape and we see him taking the lead role in Miami. Barry will rush for 1,100 yards but will be kept out of goal line stands. We think his TD’s will be limited because rumors are swirling that the Dolphins have also been courting Touchdown Tommy Vardell.

/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/

 

[Deranged Hermit]

John Madden and Brett Favre to wedLink: www.packers.comClipped from: Packers websiteMain Article:Wedding Bells seem to be in the future for Monday Night Football announcer John Madden and future Hall of Fame QB Brett Favre. Madden has seemed enamored with the gritty QB for years and finally decided to do something about it. “After the, er, uh, Philadelphia playoff loss, Brett looked down in the dumps, so I, er, uh, decided to give him a call”, said Madden. “I invited him to come with me on a trip in the Madden cruiser and the, er, uh, tension was absolutely unbearable. I decided to break the ice by taking him to Outback Steakhouse and there I revealed my, er, uh, true feelings for him. I said, ‘Brett, I’m sure you noticed how much I gush about your on the field exploits, and I’d, er, uh, really like to get to know you off the field.’ Brett said, ‘I’ve been waiting for years to hear those words out of your mouth, but I was too shy to approach you first.’ That night was magical. There was a lot of hitting and Brett was like BOOM and I was like ‘see that, now lets see that hit again.’ Now, a few months later, we’re going to be married before first home game at Lambeau field this year.”Seems like these two are off to a good start in life. The staff here at Packers.com would like to wish the happy couple all the best in their new life together.{{{{Our View}}}}Uh, ok. We’ll bump down Favre’s stats a little for the September 19 game against the Bears, as it’s obvious that the game may not be number one in his mind that day.

 

[Furps]

Owens: Lineman Derilick is FrenchFull Article:http:/philly.com/sports/eagles/french?Valley Forge, PA - August 18, 2004 - Philadelphia Eagles training camp took another tumutluous turn this morning, after word spread that All-Pro Wide Receiver Terrell Owens accused OG/OT Trey Derilick of being French in a players-only team meeting."It was like, I don't know, crazy. For real." Eagles RBBC Correll Buckhalter said, in reaction to the ethnically-charged closed-door session. "At first I was, like, - 'what?' - and then I was like - 'Hey Pinkston! Let's go play some Madden 2005!' I was the New York Giants, which was like crazy, because, see, I play for the Eagles. And I'm not a giant."Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid sought to distance himself from the growing controversy at his daily press conference by taking to the podium with his shirt off.After practice, Owens addressed the media: "As long as we're winning, I'm cool with whatever. I ain't hatin'. If a dude wants to put mayonaise on his fries, I'm down with that. I'm just trying to keep things real, ya know. But I think it's pretty obvious, isn't it? I mean, the dude's first name is "Trey" - which is like French for "three" or something."[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]Wow. Just wow. Doesn't this latest Owens scandal make Eagles fans yearn for the days of James Thrash? Don't worry, we'll be tracking this situation closely for you. While we'll have to wait for the dust to settle a bit before we can adjust the FBG Projections, if Derilick truly is French, a downgrade of all nine Philly RBs is certainly in order. It's not good for any running back to have one of his linemen retreating at the first sign of trouble. Actually, come to think of it, if they fall far enough in your league's draftboards, that could provide some significant value. Stay tuned.

 

[shadyridr]

Headline: Deion Sanders WILL Return to the NFL--- as Dance Instructor!!!!!

Clipped from NFL.com:

It seems the rumors about Deion Sanders return to the NFL are true. Deion will sign with the Baltimore Ravens as their dance instructor! Some of his duties include touchdown celebration instructor, halftime choreographer, and cheerleading coach. When Baltimore Ravnes head coach Brian Billick was reached for comment, he stated, "Deion will be a great addition to our squad. Ray Lewis was giving our team a bad reputation with his crazy dances before games and now Deion can come in and teach him the Prime Time way of doing things". Billick continued, "Our fans will now be entertained during a game even if Jamal Lewis is in jail or Kordell Stewart happens to be playing QB. Its a great situation for us to be in."

At a press conference Sanders said, "I'm gonna show these boys some style. When they score their only touchdown of the game its gonna go down Prime Time style baby. When Ray Lewis sacks the QB we're gonna see a real dance and none of that garbage strutting and chanting he did before". When Ray Lewis was asked about Sanders comments he snarled back, "I'll kill that guy before he teaches me a dance step".

[[[[[[[ Our View ]]]]]]]

Its time to move some Ravens up your draft board as this can only mean good things especially when the Ravens are home. The offensive players will want to score just to show off their new "skills" and Ray Lewis will be fired up more than ever. One player to keep an eye on as a top sleeper with this breaking news is Kordell Stewart. He was quoted as saying, "I can't wait to strutt all over their butts!"

 

[strykerpks]

John Madden and Brett Favre to wedLink: www.packers.comClipped from: Packers websiteMain Article:Wedding Bells seem to be in the future for Monday Night Football announcer John Madden and future Hall of Fame QB Brett Favre. Madden has seemed enamored with the gritty QB for years and finally decided to do something about it. “After the, er, uh, Philadelphia playoff loss, Brett looked down in the dumps, so I, er, uh, decided to give him a call”, said Madden. “I invited him to come with me on a trip in the Madden cruiser and the, er, uh, tension was absolutely unbearable. I decided to break the ice by taking him to Outback Steakhouse and there I revealed my, er, uh, true feelings for him. I said, ‘Brett, I’m sure you noticed how much I gush about your on the field exploits, and I’d, er, uh, really like to get to know you off the field.’ Brett said, ‘I’ve been waiting for years to hear those words out of your mouth, but I was too shy to approach you first.’ That night was magical. There was a lot of hitting and Brett was like BOOM and I was like ‘see that, now lets see that hit again.’ Now, a few months later, we’re going to be married before first home game at Lambeau field this year.”Seems like these two are off to a good start in life. The staff here at Packers.com would like to wish the happy couple all the best in their new life together.{{{{Our View}}}}Uh, ok. We’ll bump down Favre’s stats a little for the September 19 game against the Bears, as it’s obvious that the game may not be number one in his mind that day.

Beat me to it

 

[Macdaddy_2004]

Headline McGahee, Bledsoe and Henry to Split on Third Downs

Full Article Link

Clipped From www.bills.com

Main Article

In a surprising turn of events Head Coach Mike Mularkey has been implementing a new formation in practice where Willis McGahee and Travis Henry will split reps at the QB position with current starter Drew Bledsoe. The idea being keep all the key players on offence on the field at the same time with the defence having to guess as to who will hold the ball.

When asked for comment Mularkey had this to say:

"Its something we've been thinking about for a while .... we noticed both Travis and Willis have good throwing arms and can stretch the field on a third and long "

However the real shocker in the formation will be that Bledsoe will probably line up at Tail-back if and when either Willis or Travis take snaps under center. When asked to comment Drew said this:

"I've always wanted to play Running Back in my career at some point in the NFL .I feel that if I can get a few carries this season that I can turn a few heads"

This formation allows any number of things to happen. We may see a flea-flicker or we may see Henry take a snap and turn up field with McGahee and Bledsoe providing lead blocking.

It took little to no time for the formation to have impact ... Thursday afternoon we got the first taste of the what the Bills offence may run on third down. On the play in question Bledsoe had originally lined up under center but mid way through his calls promptly switched places with Willis McGahee and lined up at the Tailback position in the "I" with Travis Henry.

On the snap McGahee dropped back 7 yards on a delay and made the handoff to Drew on a quick draw up the middle for 8 yards with Henry providing the key lead block.

DC Jerry Gray responded that "Drew definately has some crazy moves!!!"

[[[[[[[Our View ]]]]]]]]

Every Grey cloud has a silver lining. Even with the muddled backfield of the Buffalo Bills we are very encouraged to see the new formation that will utilize both players strengths as well as leave them on the field at the same time. However we are skeptical that Drew can hold his own at Tailback all year but being the Third Down back should at least allow Drew to have a decent amount of receptions. This year he may even sneak the odd rushing TD with his "crazy moves". If your league rewards points for receptions than definately bump Drew up

 

[Shrek]

League Voids Kellen Winslow Contract

Original contract article: http://www.canada.com/sports/football/stor...E6-09E9DB718331

Following Article Clipped From: www.clevelandbrowns.com/news

Cleveland, OH- The NFL voided the newly signed contract of Cleveland TE Kellen Winslow on Wednesday, citing "gross negligence" of the league's rookie signing clauses by the Browns front office.

According to NFL spokesperson Jeffrey Myers, Cleveland "deliberately ignored the fact that Winslow has not played a single down in the NFL, and in an attempt to "keep up with the Chargerses", signed Winslow to an exorbitant contract that is utterly without merit". Myers went on to say that while the league can occasionally look aside for minor contractual snafus, the opportunity for Winslow's situation to set precendents in upcoming drafts warranted immediate action by the league.

"We simply cannot stand by idly while players with no NFL experience hold organizations in thrall", said Myers. "Winslow may have played adequately in college, and he may even do well in the NFL. But for an organization like the Browns to allow themselves to be subjected to the whims of an unproven rookie prima donna....that is just bad business for everyone. We are sending the team and Winslow back to the negotiating table to try again."

Pete Garcia, Browns VP of Player Personnel (no relation to Browns QB Jeff Garcia), said Wednesday, "The Browns organization, and indeed, the entire city of Cleveland, owe a great debt of gratitude to the NFL for their swift action. In hindsight, it is pretty obvious that we were just maintaining the status quo by screwing up our first round draft pick, even if it was an accident."

Garcia cited an out-of-control office party the night before the NFL draft as a contributing factor to the selection of Winslow the next day. "It was wild", said Garcia. "Randy (Browns owner Randolph Lerner) had done a couple of shots of tequila, and was making photocopies of his (rear end), when someone said, "That kinda looks like Kellen Winslow! We oughta take him in the draft tomorrow!" Garcia said things went downhill from there. "Butch Davis put on a toga, and the next thing you know, half of us were naked in a conga line." When the draft team awoke the next day, there were just 15 minutes until draft time. "Someone mentioned that we had discussed Winslow the night before, so when our pick came up, that was the name we blurted out. In retrospect, we should have been better prepared for such an important day."

[[[[[ Our View ]]]]]

It is refreshing to see such candor from a front office of any NFL team. While Winslow and his agent will probably appeal the decision, it seems to indicate that the NFL will no longer be subject to the petty whims of rookie players. We'll keep you posted on this situation as it develops. For now, move Winslow down your draft board about 15 or 20 spots.

 

[scoobygang]

Gibbs Purchases Coaching Staff Off E-Bay

Link: www.redskins.com\valuesforseniors

Clipped from: Daniel Snyder Family Newsletter, Volume 27

ASHBURN, VA -- New Redskin coach Joe Gibbs revealed today that he purchase the majority of his coaching staff "in near-mint" from a collector off the popular website E-Bay. Gibbs, who won in 3 Super Bowls with the Redskins in the 80s and early 90s, was able to purchase such popular throw back figures as Joe Bugel and Don Breaux by meeting the reserve bid for the assistant coaches in an auction offered by an anonymous seller known only as OLDSKOOL2U.

"I was really excited," Gibbs explained. "Bugel was almost perfectly preserved. He even came with the same Member Only jacket he had 15 years ago!"

While it's still unclear whether Gibbs' past success will translate to results in today's NFL, the transaction has made at least one new believer.

"He PayPalled me, like, 10 minutes after winning the auction," said OLDSKOOL. "I'm definitely leaving him positive feedback."

((((((((Our View))))))))

Good to see Gibbs adjusting the new way things are done in the 21st century NFL. This acquisition does more than prove Gibbs can adjust to the computer age, it gives him some friends who can also use their AARP discount cards when the coaching staff decides to have a late night at Denny's.

/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/

 

[CaptainHucklebuck]

Keyshawn writes sequel book: sales expected to top 2 dozen

Titles suggested: “Just give me a damn job” “Do you want some damn fries with that?”

Link to article: http://www.altosport.com/j/keyshawn-johnson/

Clipped from: Keyshawn’s Diary

Keyshawn Johnson’s startling follow-up to his slightly popular book “Just give me the damn ball” will be written this year. Keyshawn released this written statement to the press: “Tha publishin’ guy… what do you call him? A publisher. He said we’d be gettin’ a ghost writer fo’ the book. I dunno about that. Ghosts scare the <expletive> out of me. I think we should just get some guy who writes fo’ a livin’. That seems good enuff to me.”

Keyshawn has been toying with the subject matter of the book. Fans have reportedly been hoping for a description of the rise and fall of one of the most high-profile examples of a receiver who bought into his own hype and failed to keep reaching for the stars. Keyshawn seems to be leaning more toward a book which will “sell a <expletive>load of copies. I gots to get paid.”

Penguin Publishing executive Michael Flatley is one publisher who turned down the deal. “We danced around the idea for awhile, sure, but Lord… we just couldn’t do it. I sure couldn’t. Are you kidding me? I had that guy on my fantasy team for like 4 years straight. Never did a damned thing. As far as I’m concerned, his book should be titled ‘Do you want some damn fries with that?’ Get his butt off the field so I don’t do something stupid like draft him again.”

[[[[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]]]

Keyshawn’s lack of focus and attention makes this book a real problem. If any less of his attention was on football, he’d be considered a color commentator – so the idea that he might be using that attention to help someone else write a book about him is a little scary. Definitely don’t draft Keyshawn until we get an update on this.

 

[raidergil]

while writing offline I see I was beaten to the punch on this idea but will post anyway...Barry Sanders father confirms son signs with DolphinsFull Article: http:\\www.barrysdad.comA horrendous offseason finally takes a turn for the better. After years of speculation Barry Sanders will finally return to the NFL signing a long term deal with the Miami Dolphins. The former Lion is being counted on to replace the recently retired Ricky Williams. Barry's father said his son's recent induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame 'got his football juices flowing again.'Ever since Sander's mysterious retirement from the Detroit Lions teams have contacted him each offseason trying to coax him back into the league. He had repeatedly refused saying he no longer had the desire to play. What finally changed his mind? Well, besides the induction ceremony Sander's dad said his son was tired of watching Emmitt Smith hang around just to pad his rushing yardage total - a record Smith would never have reached had Sanders not retired. Mr. Sanders said his son's goal is to catch Smith and put the record at 20,000 yards. Rather out of charater statements for the normally soft spoken running back. However, reverting back to his more humble self his father said Barry downplays what 20,000 yards would mean saying he only expects to hold the record for 'a few years because that kid in Buffalo, McGahee, should reach 20,000 about 8 years from now."Mr. Sanders said Barry has been secretly working out with Deion Sanders (no relation), playing 'alot of one on one in the yard.' Mr. Sanders was unsure whether Deion would return to the league as well saying, "Deion is concerned he won't interviewed enough with Ray Lewis always running his mouth."Reached at Pro PLayer Stadium, Miami coach Dave Wannstedt was downright giddy with the anticipation of seeing Barry Sanders wearing a Dolphins jersey. He was seen walking around in a daze with a goofy grin on his face almost in tears repeating, "I can't believe it, I can't believe it". ((((OUR VIEW))))))The way the off season has gone for the Dolphins we have serious doubts that this will work out. HOWEVER, With suspect quarterbacking and a depleted WR staff we expect Wannstedt to give Sanders the ball 40 - 45 times per game. Given these projections we insert Sanders as the #2 RB behind only Willis McGahee, who we still see gaining 2310 yards this year.

 

[Kraft...]

David, I was supposed to get a Stats book for coming in third in the draft contest and still haven't received it, I PM'd Joe a few times and still no dice. I see you're giving them away here so it aparently isn't due to low supply. What is my next step?IWKS

 

[JaxBill]

7.HC Jack Del Rio (JAC): More Motivational Ploys Ahead?Full Article: <http://www.jacksonville.com/jaguars/hubbach/8675309>Clipped from: Florida Times Union article by Bart Hubbach, 8/18/04Two lowlights of the 2003 Jacksonville Jaguars were poor placekicking and punter Chris Hanson's fateful lockerroom encounter with an ax. Despite spending a fifth round pick on K Josh Scobee and bringing in free agent Jeff Chandler to compete with incumbent Seth Marler, the kicking woes have continued. And in a startling reversal, it looks like the ax might be back - but with a twist.Last week's loss in which Scobee missed two kicks, including a 23-yard chipshot, has pushed Del Rio to the brink. "I've tried everything with these guys, just kick the damn ball. If these guys don't start producing, I'm bringing back the stump. Except this time, for every field goal we miss, (longsnapper) Joe Zelenka will toss the ax to the kicker. The kicker will have to catch the ax and land 3 chops on the stump." When pressed by the media about possible Union objection, Del Rio replied, "Hey, at the rate these guys are kicking, they'll be out of a job in a week anyway."Star runningback Fred Taylor, a University of Florida graduate, was not pleased over the suggestion. He was upset that Coach Del Rio was ignoring Taylor's own suggested tactic. "I can't believe Coach is doing this. I talked to him last week about bringing in a live Gator to the lockerroom and his response was 'Nah, the kickers aren't worth it'".((((((((Our View))))))))Have the bright lights of the NFL Network gotten to the folks in Jacksonville? You would think that an organization would learn after one season-ending injury. This situation is still developing and we'll keep you posted. Our own Footballguy Capybara think the eventual Jaguars could be a potential Top-15 kicker so look for his KOD series./**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/**/

 

[pack100]

Najeh Davenport (GBP) Leaves Dump! Flushed by Green Bay.

Full article: http://members.aol.com/djadamson2/toilet.jpg

Milwaukee Journal Sentinal -August 19, 2004- Back up running back Najeh Davenport has been released by the Green Bay Packers for conduct detrimental to the team.

Team insiders say 3rd year RB Najeh Davenport was caught taking a dump in CB Mike McKenzie's locker. Several players noticed a foul odor coming from the unopened locker the past few days. Team officials investigated and found several piles of feces in the Holdouts locker. Head coach Mike Sherman had surveillance equipment set up immediately. "We had our suspicions but it was important to catch the culprit with their pants down."

The team is shocked by the outcome. QB Brett Favre said "We are all a little dissapointed McKenzie is not with the team but crapping in his locker is just not sanitary." Davenport and his agent had no comment on the situation.

This is not the first incident involving Davenport and bodily fluids. In April 2002 Green Bay Packers fullback Najeh Davenport was arrested and accused of breaking into a university dormitory and defecating in a woman’s closet. Davenport settled the case and received community service.

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

I would move Fisher up in your projections. Davenport may have difficulty catching on with another team. Miami may have some interest since they are used to running backs crapping all over them.

 

[cmap_16]

Owens unhappy - "no one told me i'd have to wear green"Terrell Owens is supposed to be the missing piece in the eagles superbowl puzzle. Terrell Owens is supposed to be one of the top 3 receivers in the NFL. But Terrell (pronounced "Terel" not "Terrrrrrrrell") isn't happy."My biggest adjustment isn't the new team or the plays or the not wearing my pink tights in practice, but wearing these green shirts" he says. "What does that have to do with how I practice?" Since early in his career, he has worn red; through high school and college and then lucking out with the 49ers. After the first practice at his first Eagles minicamp, an assistant coach had to tell Owens the red jersey was for QBs only after Owens put on McNabbs and complained the number was wrong. "Part of the reason I didn't want to go to the Ravens was their awful purple uni's" says Owens. "My No.1 choice was actually the Chiefs but Donovan and I are tight and he said it'd be no problem for me to wear red here". McNabb states he thought Terrell (pronounced "Terel" not "Terrrrrrrrrelll") was kidding but Owens is deadly serious. "If I just have my red shirt on, I feel smooth, fluid, Spider-Man-like. I have given up a lot; for me to wear a red shirt wouldn't be much. At least give me a little leash. I understand having structure, and I guess that is the owner making a statement. I don't have any problem with that, but it's a big adjustment. I have to wonder about my position on the team. If Donovan can wear red in practice I don't understand why "the man" says I can't wear it in practice or games. Its just anti-Terrell and dissing me, my family, my countryman and everyone else who has been a receiver in history."[[[[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]]]Its still only preseason so no need to panic here folks, but if Mr Owens keeps whining its not going to bode too well for his chances of being the missing piece of any puzzle.

 

[yellowdog]

NFL Declares Clarett A Free Agent: Dolphins Come Calling

Full article link: The Columbus Diss Patch

Clipped from: Mo Ronski, Ohio State Press

The NFL, in a shocking development today, granted Maurice Clarett admittance into the league and declared him a free agent. Clarett had originally applied for this year's draft after a lower court ruled that blocking his entry was a viloation of anti-trust laws. The supreme court eventually overrulled the lower court's findings. Clarett was ruled ineligible based on the Supreme Court's ruling. Clarett and his attorneys had appealed the ruling in an effort to get him in a supplemental draft sometime before the start of training camps. When all avenues seemed exhausted, it was speculated that Clarett may attempt to play in the Canadian Football League.

In a press conference today, Commissioner Paul Tagliabue, welcomed Maurice Clarett into the league. Mr. Tagliabue stated, "there is no way we are going to let one of the better college running backs of the last five years go to Canada to play football."

Maurice Clarett was unavailable for comment, but his mom said that he is happy the league finally came to it's senses stating, "My baby will come in here and kick some butt."

Jesse Jackson and Jim Brown are expected to have a full press conference later today, and tomorrow, and next Monday.

[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]]

Wow! If Miami signs Clarett, one would expect he would get every opportunity to become the number one running back on the depth chart. Then again, if they signed David Dodds, he would get the same opportunity based on what said depth chart currently has to offer. Stay tuned!

 

[NuYawka]

Henry Turns Down Timex Endorsement

Clipped from: timex.com/henry

BUFFALO - "Nobody is lickin' me. I am damn starter," Buffalo RB Travis Henry told reporters today when questioned about his possible endorsement by watchmaker Timex.

Timex targeted Henry for a deal after last season, when the running back rushed for over 1300 yards despite numerous injuries, including a broken leg.

Apprarently, Henry was unaware that the slogan, "Takes a licking and keeps on ticking," is a play on words. Timex believed Henry's resiliency and the durability of its watches would have made an excellent marketing duo.

As reported earlier, Steve McNair and Brett Favre both turned down deals with Timex due to fears of the "Timex Curse."

"When I was kid, Timex had some guy on TV go over Niagra in a barrel," Favre said. "That's not for me."

A Timex spokesperson has said that they've already reviewed films of Willis McGahee's 2002 Fiesta Bowl knee-shredding, but will wait to make an offer. That offer is expected when McGahee is named the starting RB, Henry is traded, or the regular season begins, whichever happens first.

[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]]

Henry should check his watch. He needs to take that money now, before his attitude problem drops his potential worth as a starter in this league. Timex won't pay for a spokesman who is a back-up.

 

[bak2new]

1. David Boston's knee injury misdiagnosed. Will play entire season.

Link: http://iam.homewithgod.com/growth/DavidBostonStory.htm

Clipped from: Sportsquest 2004/NFL

Article:

Dolphins WR Boston misdiagnosed with knee injury

Aug. 18, 2004

Sportstine.com wire reports

HOUSTON -- Miami Dolphins wide receiver David Boston will play the entire season after having a knee injury misdiagnosed in his left knee during practice on Friday, coach Dave Wannstedt said.

Wannstedt said the initial diagnosis was a strained patellar tendon, but an exam late Friday in Houston revealed there was no injury.

Boston, who is from the Houston area, was running a pass route when his left knee appeared to buckle during a workout against the Houston Texans.

"It is anticipated that the misdiagnosis will require team doctors to reconsider the use of some of their older equipment.." Wannstedt said in a statement late Friday. "Further details of the condition of our medical equipment will be available following the conclusion of OSHA's inspections."

Boston's misdiagnosis is the latest blow to a franchise already without running back Ricky Williams, who retired just before training camp. The Dolphins wish Williams's unexpected retirement plans were also a mistake.

The bulk of offensive production will undoubtedly fall on receivers Chris Chambers, who was signed to a five-year, $30 million contract extension on Thursday and David Boston.

"We have confidence that the members of our receiving corps will step up and meet this challenge," Wannstedt said.

The misdiagnosis came just hours after Wannstedt applauded Boston's work in the morning session, saying the 6-foot-2, 228-pound receiver is in the best shape of his career. "While I am disappointed in our medical facility I am relieved this was a misdiagnosis and not reality."

The Dolphins took a low-risk gamble by trading for Boston in March, hoping to bolster a receiving corps that needs someone to complement Chambers.

Miami reunited Boston with Jerry Sullivan, his position coach when he caught 98 passes for 1,598 yards and made the Pro Bowl with Arizona in 2001.

The six-year veteran out of Ohio State played his first four seasons in Arizona and posted back-to-back 1,000-yard seasons in 2000 and '01, when he reached his only Pro Bowl after catching 98 balls for 1,598 yards and eight touchdowns.

The teams are scheduled to practice Saturday morning before playing a controlled scrimmage in the afternoon at Reliant Stadium.

APP NEWS

The Associated Press Pass News Service

Copyright 2004, The Associated Press Pass, No Rights Reserved

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{OUR VIEW}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

With Ricky Williams retiring just a few weeks ago, this has to be considered good news for a franchise that desperatley needs some. From a fantasy perspective, Boston should put up solid WR2 numbers. Considering Travis Minor is their primary RB, the passing game of the Dolphins will be their main source of scoring.

 

[Evilgrin72]

NOTES FROM COWBOYS TRAINING CAMP

Full Article:

http://www.dallasmorningnews.com/nflstory/2110775.html

Clipped from: Dallas Morning News

Another day of training camp provides some more answers regarding what the 2004 season has in store for the Cowboys. Some notes from today's practices..

Quarterbacks - Testaverde seemed in particularly high spirits today after learning he is now eligible for an AARP membership. He also was granted more space to hang his adult diapers in the locker room after Quincy Carter's collection of antique coke spoons was removed by team officials. Drew Henson looked sharp in drills, fueling speculation that he may push Testaverde for the starting role, but such enthusiasm was tempered after a source close to Henson mentioned that he may have an eye on a career in the NHL...

Runningbacks - Eddie George did not look good in goal-line drills, losing 3 yards on 4 carries and fumbling once, while failing to reach the end zone. He later blamed his lack of success on the fact that he had borrowed one of Testaverde's adult diapers, and that it "lacked ample room in the crotch." Julius Jones braved taunts of "Your brother's a bust!" and scored twice during the drill. Speaking of 'busts', Parcells was seen on the sidelines strapping a "manzier" on to his ample ones during the drill and missed both of Jones' scores. Asked about this after practice, Parcells blew his top, screaming at reporters that he prefers to refer to it as a "bro."

Wide Receivers - Keyshawn Johnson impressed again today, catching everything thrown within 10 feet of him. After practice, he proclaimed to reporters that he had "caught everthing within 10 feet of [him]" and then promptly moved himself up to #1 on the depth chart. Terry Glenn missed one drill when he left the receivers group to go watch Parcells strap on his breast-support device. He then walked off muttering : "And he called ME 'she' ?" Antonio Bryant had the roughest day however, as he dropped three passes against lax coverage, prompting a tirade about lack of concentration from Parcells. Bryant responded by kicking Parcells' knee out and punching him in the jaw, then urinating on the coach as he writhed in pain. Team officials say disciplinary action against Bryant will be contemplated.

Tight Ends - Another tough day for this group. Jason Witten, the only tight end practicing today, was sidelined when a fan held up a nude 8X10 photo of Bea Arthur as Witten took the field. He immediately went to the ground, clutching at his face through his mask, and eventually was carted off the field. Recent reports have indicated that he still has not regained sight, and may need to be placed on the PUP (physically unable to perform) list.

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

Looks like the Cowboys offensive "stars" may take a slight hit in the rankings after this news. Witten, in particular, has us concerned... we'll be keeping a close eye on that situation. One would expect Bryant to miss some significant time as well, and if Glenn's comments about the Tuna's man-breasts was overheard, he may face a suspension as well. George and Testaverde should be fine despite the rough outing - they were said to be laughing as they left the facility together to go shopping for colostomy bags.

 

[John Maddens Lunchbox]

Man there is some good stuff here.

 

[WhoDat]

From the Field to the Booth

Full story available at http://www.itsjustajoke.com

In an unprecedented move Willis McGahee, budding star of the Buffalo Bills, will forgo his career in the NFL to immediately enter the newly endowed Eric Dickerson School of Speech and Communication. Dickerson’s program, which is a consortium, comprised of Dexter Manley’s Reading Is Fun Foundation; Hollywood Henderson’s Kid and Kat Program and Marcus Dupree’s A, B, C’s for You and Me, is a state accredited learning institution specializing in training athletes for careers in broadcasting, public relations and politics.

“Willis’ axed fa admission and I kud not dee’cline,” said Dickerson, when reached for comment.

“It iz a purfict fit,” the words tripping off of Dickerson’s tongue like a cornerback juked.

“I twied tawking him out it but he wud’nt hear none of it.” “Overall, finally and wut not, it be wut be best for Willis.”

“Eveywun at the school is most happiest bout this turned events, “added Manley.

“I wint fum tack-ling dummies to tack-ling Shakespeare and Willis be doing the same.” I could not have said it better myself.

They say you are only as good as your last game in football and, if you apply that towards the results the school is seeking to achieve, it is apparent each student, McGahee included, is headed for the Super Bowl.

An unrelated story worth note is the recent addition of the Rafeal Septian’s Kicking It with the Kids to the list of approved NFL charities and philanthropies.

 

[Chico]

8/18/04 - Breaking News - Ravens Trade Ray Lewis to Dolphins!Full Article Link – Ray Lewis Traded - Baltimore SunClipped from: BaltimoreSun.com, August a8, 2004Westminster, Md. – The Baltimore Ravens shocked the football world Wednesday, trading All Pro linebacker and reigning defensive player of the year Ray Lewis to the Miami Dolphins for holdout defensive end Adewale Ogunleye and middle linebacker Zach Thomas.Lewis was stunned Wednesday after being informed of the trade by an official from the team’s public relations office.``What the ####?’’ Lewis yelled, as he stormed through the locker room and into the parking lot of the team’s training facility at McDaniel College. As he drove off in his silver Mercedes SL65 AMG, Lewis refused to answer questions from trailing reporters.``Idiots!’’ Lewis hollered, from his car. It was unclear if he was referring to Ravens management or the reporters.In 2001, Lewis was the MVP in the Ravens’ victory over the New York Giants in Super Bowl XXXV. He was the backbone of a defense that has stifled and intimidated opponent’s offenses the last several years.In his nine-year career, Lewis has 1,102 tackles, 21 sacks and 20 interceptions. His fierce sideline-to-sideline play is unmatched in today’s NFL and most observers put him in a small class of elite all-time linebackers along with the likes of Chicago Bears great **** Butkus.Ravens Coach Brian Billick refused to comment on the trade, choosing instead to focus on the positive.``We had to do it,’’ Billick said. ``Adewale brings something to the table that we really need – a speed rushing defensive end who can pressure the quarterback.’’Ravens defensive back Corey Fuller, a good friend of Lewis’, said he believes he knows why the star linebacker was traded.``It’s the stupid game, man, the curse, you know,’’ Fuller said. ``Ray is on the cover of Madden and these chicken ##### were afraid he was going to get hurt like all the other guys.’’Fuller was referring to the new version of Madden NFL 2005, the video game that has featured such superstars as Michael Vick, Daunte Culpepper and Marshall Faulk on its cover. All three missed significant time the year they were on the cover, with Vick missing the entire regular season last year after injuring his leg in the first game of the preseason.Dolphins Coach Dave Wannstedt was ecstatic when reached at the Dolphins training facility in Davie, Fla.``We just got the best defensive player in the game and one of the best overall players at any position,’’ he said. ``And for what, a Nigerian prince and a guy who looks like Fred Flintstone? Ray is the man!’’Lewis, who starred at the University of Miami, is expected in South Florida in time for Thursday’s afternoon practice, Wannstedt said.((((((((((OUR VIEW)))))))))))Obviously, bump up Zach Thomas to the top of your LB rankings. Now that he is in the Ravens system, he too could post numbers like Lewis. And bring Lewis down a notch to match. As for Ogunleye, the Ravens must have signed him to a contract extension to make this deal work. We will get you details as soon as we have them.

 

[B-Money]

Panthers Rookie Colbert arrested, charged with theft

Full article: http://www.panthers.com/news/newsroomNewsDetail.jsp?id=14010

Clipped from: Panthers.com AP article by Moe Ronald

SPARTANSBURG, SC-Panthers wide receiver and second round draft pick, Keary Colbert, was arrested Wednesday morning and charged with felony theft. The arrest reportedly stems from an incident last month in which the BCS National Championship trophy belonging to LSU was reported missing.

Colbert, who played for co-national champion USC in 2003, was apparently upset that his college team shared the national championship with LSU.

Teammate and Panthers defensive end, Arnold Miller, reported the theft to Spartansburg Police late Tuesday. Miller, an who played at LSU from 1994 to 1997 said that Colbert was bragging to teammates that USC was not the co-champions and that he had proof. Tuesday evening, Colbert, Miller, and several other Panthers were in Colbert's dorm room when he showed the crystal trophy to the teammates.

Colbert was booked and released on his own recognizance early Wednesday morning. He is scheduled to be arraigned on the charges on September 7th.

Head coach John Fox had no comment on Wednesday morning.

The crystal trophy was already en route to Baton Rouge to be returned to LSU on Wednesday.

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Although Colbert was expected to be the fourth WR this year in Carolina, this is nonetheless disturbing news. Coming off a stellar preseason game last weekend, this is not the news we wanted to hear. Dynasty League owners should pay attention to this story. We're shocked to hear Colbert would do something like this. Even more disturbing is the fact that everyone knows LSU is the true national champion, despite Colbert's attempts to change that.

 

[babydemon90]

1. Chargers: Madden Tournament winner Hired as Offensive Coordinator

Full Article:

http://maddenrox.nfl2k5sux.net

Clipped from: Todd Peterson, BBS San Diego Press

SAN DIEGO - Edward Hoffman knew his hard work would pay off. It was only a matter of time. It paid off this past Tuesday.

Hoffman, a 27 year old former dishwasher turned Offensive Coordinator was the winner of a local San Diego Madden tournament this past week.

"It's a dream come true," the slightly overweight Hoffman said. "It's a great opportunity for me. This organization is great, and there's a good nucleus, a good group of players here. Head Coach Marty and GM A. J. Smith are showing they are willing to do what it take to win in this day and age."

Hoffman stunned the coach with his offensive prowess during the game as he racked up consecutive 50+ point games, beating his opponents by an average score of 41 points. When asked about his strategies, he described his game plan as simple. " The key is developing a few money plays", he described. "We also plan on making some key substitutions throughout the game. Don't be surpised to see Quentin Jammer lining up at QB, or Tomlinson at DE"

“We’re excited about his talent and his abilities,” said Chargers General Manager A.J. Smith. “That’s why we hired him when we did. We’ll fit him in with our offense and he’ll get right after it. He's going to install an exciting offense.”

When asked about Hoffman's utter lack of real football experience outside of Madden, Chargers staff brushed off comments, stating "We have no where to go but up".

Suspiciously absent from the press conference was Heac Coach Marty Schottenheimer, who was reported to have been seen drinking heavily at a local bar.

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

Despite what he may think, Hoffman is not ready to be mentioned in the same breath as Mike Martz, Gary Kubiak, or some of the other top coaches. In light of this news, we are dropping all Chargers down 10-200 slots in the rankings. Under no circumstances should anyone besides Tomlinson be drafted, and we believe if Tomlinson is utilized as advertised, he will dead by week 3.

 

[AhrnCityPahnder]

Ray Lewis to release series of instructional dance videotapes, may cut into NFL time

Full article link:

http://discobeat.net/gettinjiggywitray08182004.htm

Clipped from:

The Baltimore Sun

In a move that surprised no one in the dance world but leaves many NFL fans scratching their heads, Ray Lewis has entered into an agreement with home marketing giants KTEL. According to the terms disclosed, Lewis will release a series of 7 instructional videotapes for those interested in learning to dance like Ray. KTEL is pressing Ray to have these tapes done in time for the holiday shopping season, and it now appears that Ray may take several weeks off from his job as the Ravens' feared linebacker to meet this deadline. Ravens' Coach Brain Billick was quoted as saying: "What the ****? DANCING TAPES?!?! We're in the drivers seat to win the AFC North this year, and Ray is releasing ******* Dancing Tapes?!? I don't ******* believe this..."

Ray Lewis understands his coach’s frustration, but at the same time feels he must answer a higher calling. I sat down with Ray to talk about his new endeavor: "Sure, I still love hurting people, intimidating running backs and making quarterbacks worry" He said, pensively stroking his chin. "But, at the same time, I gots ta get down. When you've been blessed with the gift of shaking your rump like I obviously have, I think it's a crime to not share that with the world. See, most people didn't know til we went to the big game in 2000. When I burst out from that tunnel, it was ON. I though to myself 'Ray, sure you're a defensive machine...but now the world needs to see you DANCE!' -- and there it was. I came out through the tunnel and showed the world what I had. I knew I was good, but I was really shocked at the reaction I got. Every dancer in the world was blowin’ up my phone and beatin’ on my door -- Denny Terrio, Mikhail Baryshnikov, even Michael Chambers , that washed up cat who played 'Turbo' in Breakin' and Breakin II." I asked Ray How much time he thought he may miss to complete his videos. "I can't tell you. All I know is that I will not sleep at night until every man, woman, and child in America dances like Ray Lewis."

[[[[[[[[[ Our View ]]]]]]]]]]]

Wow, what a bombshell. Those of you in IDP leagues need to bump Lewis Way down in your rankings, as his season appears to be in limbo right now. Those of you who play with Team D, Baltimore also takes a huge hit with Lewis' future in question. More as we hear it on this bizarre story.

 

[aardball44]

Just marking my spot for now. Will try and include an entry of my own later today.

For now, here's some marginal football humor from theonion.com...

 

[Gatorman]

Terrell Owens admits to having no opinion on a subject: Coaching Staff Sends him for MRI

Full article at http://www.TOknowsall.com

Philadelphia, PA.

Terrell Owens shocked teamates and owners yesterday when he admitted to having no opinion to a reporter's question. When asked by a reporter about the best color for his sneakers, Owens responded "I have no opinion about that" A shocked coach Andy Reid immediately contacted the teams training staff to do a full workup on T.O. to make sure that he is okay. Reportedly an MRI was performed but the results have not been made available as yet.

Coach Reid was unavailable for comment, but Owens was put on the injury report and is listed as questionable for this weeks game.

<<<<<<<<<OUR VIEW>>>>>>>>>>

Although it is too early to tell, this latest turn of events makes us wonder about Owens' state of mind at the moment. We have downgraded him on our rankings for this week. Thanks to Jason Wood for bringing this to our attention as he is stalking following the Eagles for Footballguys

 

[The Carnage]

B. Gramatica injures hamstring during coin tossThe Giants recently signed place kicker, Bill Gramtica, was injured during the coin toss of the Giant's game last night. The Giants had called 'Heads' and the toss came up 'Heads', causing Gramatica to "...jump for joy!" said a teammate.Defensive end Michael Strahan gave his account of the bizarre injury. "We had the team huddle, and the Komanda.., I mean, Coach, asked "Who feels lucky?" and Bill starts yelling, and I mean yelling, 'ME! ME!". And I'm like, "Hey! We're all standing right here. Ain't none of us deaf!", but he just goes running out out there yelling "HEADS! HEADS!". Well, they flip, and damn if it don't come up 'heads', and just jumps up and lets out another yell, you know, like 'Jumping for joy' or something, and then he crumbles to the ground holding his leg.""So, they get him on the stretcher, and some of the guys are saying "Not again!" and Tiki asks "Do we shoot him?" and Eli says, "No, that's just horses" and everyone gets into a big argument about it, and we end up taking a vote. I thought we were voting about if it's just horses they shoot, but is seems the vote was actually about shootin' Billy. I believe I might have voted 'yes', but I thought I was voting 'horse', you know what I'm sayin'? Even after changing my vote, it seems that 'shoot' had a pretty good margin.""So anyways, by that time they had him in the ambulance, and he was out out the stadium."Gramatica had injured his back earlier in the week and was not expected to play tonight. Readers may recall an incident when Gramatica was kicking for the Arizona Cardinals two years back where he hurt himself celebrating an extra point in the first quarter of a game. There was also a report of Gramatica receiving severe paper cuts during this off-season while trying to open a letter from Publishers Clearing House that was marked "You may be a winner". In that incident, a neighbor walking his dog found the semi-conscious place kicker laying in a small pool of blood at the curbside mumbling 'Winner" with the mailbox open and mail scattered about.There was no further report of the severity of the injury tonight. This morning the Giants announced the signing of "Gus", no last name was given, who had previously played for "... a Walt Disney team..." according to a Giants source that asked to remain anonymous. This reporter could find no other information at NFL or College archives on the player.

 

[4 - Digit Shark]

Footballguys.com sued by WCOFF participant!!!!

Link: http://www.lvtimes.com

Clipped from: Las Vegas Times - Legal Section; 08/18/2004

Main Article:

World Championship of Fantasy Football (WCOFF) participant, Mr. Stewart Pidass, is filing a federal civil suit, against Footballguys.com. Footballguys.com is the leading fantasy football site in the nation, and provides top-notch information and advice to fantasy football participants. So one would have to ask, why are they being sued?

It seems that after being dominated in his local league four years in a row, by Footballguys.com subscriber Pat Bruno, Pidass was determined to find out where Bruno got his cutting edge information. The following year Mr. Bruno arrived at their draft wearing a T-shirt which read “I DOMINATED THE LOSERS IN MY LEAGUE WITH BLACKEYEDJOE.COM” Stewart Pidass figured he now knew how Bruno had become so successful at Fantasy Football, and figured he could turn his new found knowledge into a huge payday.

Stewart Pidass sold everything he owned, and boarded a plane to Las Vegas, NV. He spent his last dollars to enter the WCOFF, with his eye on the $1,000,000 grand prize. Pidass gathered as much knowledge as he could from Blackeyedjoe.com, then went to the WCOFF draft. The draft went better then Pidass could have imagined. All the players he targeted were available when he was on the clock. It seemed as if none of the other owners were wise to Blackeyedjoe.com, and Pidass figured he was on his way to the WCOFF Championship.

The season started, and Pidass continued to use Blackeyedjoe.com to help with trades and free agent transactions, but his team remained winless. No matter how hard he worked, he could not muster one win. He was baffled, and finished the year in dead last with a record of 0 - 13. Steward Pidass, “I don’t know what was going wrong, I took the information from Blackeyedjoe.com and applied it to my team, but I couldn’t get a victory. I cut Marshall Faulk when they said he had ball cancer, and picked up Barry Sanders after they said he was returning to play for the Dolphins. I cut Dante Culpepper when I heard he died in a plane crash, and picked up Brenda Warner when she was named the starter for the Giants. I followed the advice from Blackeyedjoe.com to a tee. Now I’m broke, I lost everything.”

What Pidass failed to realize is that Blackeyedjoe.com is a spoof, created by Footballguys.com. It was created to mislead guppy fantasy football participants, like Pidass. It is not known if his case will be heard, but Pidass says he will fight Footballguys.com to the end. He is seeking a total of $10,000,000 in damages, $1,000,000 for being cheated out of the WCOFF championship, and $9,000,000 for making him look like a real jackass. Stewart Pidass, “I will not rest until Footballguys.com pays. Nobody does this to Stew Pidass.”

[[[[[[[[[[OUR VIEW]]]]]]]]]]

We stand behind all of the information we provide to our subscribers. We would never mislead, or give out any fake information. We take our jobs very serious, and respect our customers. D. Dodds & J. Bryant

P.S. Please check out our latest news updates at http://www.blackeyedjoe.com