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Suicide (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter johnjohn
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gianmarco
Footballguy
Just learned that my roommate from graduate school committed suicide yesterday. Married almost 13 yrs, 3 kids, and now gone. So ####### surreal and just heartbreaking. I wish all of you that have struggled with depression in this thread the strength to keep fighting and never give up.
KiddLattimer
Footballguy
Wow thats awful, very sorry for your loss GianmarcoJust learned that my roommate from graduate school committed suicide yesterday. Married almost 13 yrs, 3 kids, and now gone. So ####### surreal and just heartbreaking. I wish all of you that have struggled with depression in this thread the strength to keep fighting and never give up.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
So sorry to hear. Ts & Ps to his wife, kids and everyone he's touched with his life. And we all have touched people whether we think we have or not, even if we don't have any big stories to tell. May 2016 be the best ever for everyone.Just learned that my roommate from graduate school committed suicide yesterday. Married almost 13 yrs, 3 kids, and now gone. So ####### surreal and just heartbreaking. I wish all of you that have struggled with depression in this thread the strength to keep fighting and never give up.
sofakingmoney
Footballguy
Ran across this the other day and found it moving so thought I'd share - keep fighting everyone & know that you're not alone
The Suicide Note I Never Left
http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-suicide-note-i-never-left-s2h/
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) now. Don’t wait.
The Suicide Note I Never Left
http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-suicide-note-i-never-left-s2h/
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) now. Don’t wait.
Johnnymac
Footballguy
Sorry to hear this. My prayers will be with you. It truly sucks.Just learned that my roommate from graduate school committed suicide yesterday. Married almost 13 yrs, 3 kids, and now gone. So ####### surreal and just heartbreaking. I wish all of you that have struggled with depression in this thread the strength to keep fighting and never give up.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Not spotify but just curious what type of music you're into. I find most progressive trance uplifting with the beats and pace.
bosoxs45
Footballguy
Anything really from psych rock to blues music.
Hardest part is telling myself these goals are worthwhile.
Archery sounds like a cool hobby, but I'm not sure if it's doable.
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CurlyNight
Footballguy
All goals you think of for yourself is worthwhile or you probably wouldn't be thinking it. A goal is not just in advancing yourself in some way but also doing something just for you. Whatever accomplishment you make in it whether a small hobby or something bigger in life is well worthwhile in your overall well being.
You note archaeology as an interest. Have you explored this? There may be volunteer organizations that have to do with archaeology. Museums comes to mind. Maybe explore that or join an interest group in it.
bosoxs45
Footballguy
I need time away from work, which is archaeology, to counterbalance enjoyable activities.
Archaeology is very cool but also demanding because it requires a lot of traveling.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Between trying to prep for a vacation, a case I'm working for a client I really like that's falling apart, having 4 outstanding appeals, waiting to hear on 3 motions for summary judgment, a client's suicide last Sunday and, you know, being generally vaguely mentally ill all the time, I'm living in a state of constant panic attack right now. Which is... Let's say less than ideal.
I haven't slept in days. Work can't tell yet, since (thankfully?) I've been here before so I know how to still make it rain while in this state, including getting a very favorable settlement today. Nothing terribly important to do til next week, thankfully, but I'm really white knuckling this. Though I can still remember things get better. I guess that's progress.
There are days when I feel like I can do anything in the world except make the chattering monkeys in my own head shut up.
#### mental illness. In the face. With a telephone pole.
I haven't slept in days. Work can't tell yet, since (thankfully?) I've been here before so I know how to still make it rain while in this state, including getting a very favorable settlement today. Nothing terribly important to do til next week, thankfully, but I'm really white knuckling this. Though I can still remember things get better. I guess that's progress.
There are days when I feel like I can do anything in the world except make the chattering monkeys in my own head shut up.
#### mental illness. In the face. With a telephone pole.
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Sorry to hear. If you can take this week off from stressful things that'd be ideal, time to yourself to do whatever helps you with anxiety. I can't remember if you take any meds to help. Not necessarily advocating it but I have seen more often than not it helps people get through. GL
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Thanks, sucks ###.
And "take this week off from stressful things" is about as likely as "fly to the moon and sleep with a porn star while Lasse Halstrom films a documentary about it" but I appreciate the suggestion.
I'm on about 4 mg of Xanax right now and feel like I've been freebasing Walter White's meth. Nothing touches the anxiety when I get like this. Sorry to complain, just hate this.
GroveDiesel
Footballguy
Good luck HF. You seem like a really smart dude who does a whole lot for other people. Hope you're able to take some time at some point for yourself and slow down a bit.
I know for me, I'm at my lowest point when I'm trying to live up to what I believe everyone wants out of me rather than truly being me. Of course, figuring out who I really am has been a much more difficult, slow and frustrating process than I would prefer, but slowing down and figuring that out has been huge for me. That may not work for everyone though of course.
Hoping you find some peace in the chaos right now.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Thanks, man. Yeah, me too.
Some peace sounds like a pipe dream at the moment, but I know I'll get there again eventually. I appreciate the kind words.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
It does seem like sleep is a really good thing. I do tend to miss it.
And thanks for sentiment.
CurlyNight
Footballguy
Hopefully you catch a break somewhere soon. Everyone needs a rest to revive and refresh or it just gets worse. Hopefully you can find a way to work it out with your schedule. My cousin is a lawyer too and goes 100 mph until he crashed. It wasn't a pretty site and took a long while for him to rebuild. Don't let it get to that. No amount of money or prestige in what you are doing is worth crashing. He wound up getting a partner so it's not so nuts. Plus he's a single dad with 2 young boys to deal with. Priorities..
Smack Tripper
Footballguy
I don't know your scene man, in terms of family and the like, and I know its kind of busy for you, but I can relate something thats quieted my own anxiety a bit. If you find someone or something to help, or volunteer with, and not in the manner of that corporate half speed, day off volunteering, but really doing someone or some thing some good, all i can say its worth a shot. And it can be a simple as volunteering to walk or play with some dogs down at the local ASPCA. People are always needed in that realm.
Personally I've been doing some elder care in my family, and while that is ABSOLUTELY challenging, I've noticed the anxiety is largely at bay.
Throwing yourself into something bigger at a bare minimum seems to distract and at its best maybe it lends perspective on things.
As for your situation, hang in there, it will get better and I and many others here have been there. So just ride out the night my man. Those monkeys will dance for you soon enough
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Judge Smails
Footballguy
Define chattering monkeys. I have #### pop in my head all the time. Usually it's the urge to blurt out something really politically incorrect in a group setting. I wonder if other people have that. I've never done it. Have no idea if it's some sort of defense mechanism or what - or if it's somewhat normal and other people deal with it.
Hang in there man. You don't think of successful people dealing with this ####...
krista4
Footballguy
This is a beautifully insightful post.
HF, I don't think it would be a surprise to hear that you're one of my favorite and most admired folks around here. Being respected, loved and admired doesn't help in and of itself, but I hope it does tell you something about your value as a human. I know you're extremely private on here, but I'm always willing to listen if you need anything.
krista4
Footballguy
I'm a ridiculous insomniac - generally four hours or fewer a night - due to "thinking too much." I do find in those times that I suddenly am able to get 6-7 hours that I feel immensely better from an emotional POV. Nothing to say to help the sleeplessness, but I can say it's all better when the sleep comes (albeit erratically).
krista4
Footballguy
I don't know your scene man, in terms of family and the like, and I know its kind of busy for you, but I can relate something thats quieted my own anxiety a bit. If you find someone or something to help, or volunteer with, and not in the manner of that corporate half speed, day off volunteering, but really doing someone or some thing some good, all i can say its worth a shot. And it can be a simple as volunteering to walk or play with some dogs down at the local ASPCA. People are always needed in that realm.
Personally I've been doing some elder care in my family, and while that is ABSOLUTELY challenging, I've noticed the anxiety is largely at bay.
Throwing yourself into something bigger at a bare minimum seems to distract and at its best maybe it lends perspective on things.
As for your situation, hang in there, it will get better and I and many others here have been there. So just ride out the night my man. Those monkeys will dance for you soon enough
To this point, at my worst(?) (hard to say) I was volunteering a lot of my time to an animal shelter, and I would go in on the nights it wasn't open and just lie down on my back on the floor and let kitty cats walk all over me. It relaxed me so much and gave me perspective.Find your "cats walking all over you" thing.
![[scooter]](/data/avatars/m/22/22287.jpg?1659477690){kind=avatar}
[scooter]
Footballguy
How often do you find yourself in the "constant panic attack" state that you're in right now?
And...have you talked to a professional about it?
Henry Ford
Footballguy
About every 4-6 months I get a week or two like this.
And yes, I've spoken to professionals. Could probably use someone long term, but every professional annoys the #### out of me after awhile. Then I have to start over.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Sadly, my thing is silence and alone time. Tough to come by. But definitely looking forward to my upcoming cruise in the Caribbean in a week and a half.
Find your "cats walking all over you" thing.
Smack Tripper
Footballguy
Not gonna help you tonight, but in that case, I can also tell you past experience tells me hiking was a big turning point for me. Think recent clinical work showed this had a pretty strong positive impact.
krista4
Footballguy
It does. I hesitate to mention this since I'm such a hiking nut, and I don't want to make it seem like I'm just recommending "my" thing, but you're right about the studies. Endorphines, fresh air, I don't know what. Get out and about, HF.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
bud29
Footballguy
####, sorry to hear HF. My panic attacks have thankfully become much less frequent, can't imagine living in a constant state like that. Unable to offer much advice since my anxiety is extremely mild in comparison, but probably the best thing I've started doing is just developing some tunnel vision when handling some of my responsibilities. I easily get overwhelmed if I focus on the bigger picture too much, so as cliche and impossible as it sounds, I've just been lowering my head and taking things on one project, one assignment, one shift at a time. Not always a good idea since some things do take some foresight, but where applicable, I think it's really helped me.
Ts & Ps your way, just keep hanging on until vacation.
Ts & Ps your way, just keep hanging on until vacation.
Johnnymac
Footballguy
Sorry to hear Henry and I feel your pain. Just remember that this too shall pass. Keep your head up.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
jamny
Footballguy
Any type of stress will only be amplified by lack of sleep. My suggestion would be to take up running. Tire yourself to the point that even an active mind can't compete. Many other good suggestions but I think actually getting sleep should be your first step/goal.
Good luck HF and the rest that continue to fight.
Good luck HF and the rest that continue to fight.
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cstu
Footballguy
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Chattering monkeys = those constant self-depricating and self-doubt voices in one's head reminding one of every single stupid, thoughtless, incorrect, mean-spirited, or otherwise ####ty thing one has done over one's lifetime.
Awe, I'm sorry to hear that big guy. You'll be alright, venting about this #### is the healthiest thing you can do, imo.
Hope things get better.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
biggamer3
Footballguy
God I miss posting at this place. Threads like this are a prime example of why fbg is such an awesome site filled with people who are trying to help one another while passing the day.
HF, you sound like a great individual, I'm glad you are sharing your feelings with us instead of only internalizing them. From one attorney to another, I wish you the best of luck.
HF, you sound like a great individual, I'm glad you are sharing your feelings with us instead of only internalizing them. From one attorney to another, I wish you the best of luck.
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Henry Ford
Footballguy
Best of luck to you, too. Unless you're a civil defense attorney. Then please lose a series of cases that lead to new precedents that allow me to make a huge amount of money.
biggamer3
Footballguy
I'm so good even if I tried to throw cases I would still win. Kidding, I suck, but I'm a newly admitted attorney.
Also, I don't do civil defense so can't help you with any precedents, but if I could I would!
El Floppo
Footballguy
oh. dammit. I was thinking more literally.Henry Ford said:
yeah. I have the simian horde howling away most days too.
sorry to hear you're going through a rough spot, but glad to hear/know you have the perspective to get the perspective of it's temporary state. I hope you continue to head to that place of more quiet and peace. sea air, etc sounds like a great decompression spot.
Smack Tripper
Footballguy
good stuff wazoo... can't have big talk without small talk... so it will come. Just keep moving forward!I have no clue being good at small talk but that's okay.
My new favorite activity has been going for long hikes.
It has helped some what with fighting off brain fog.
Throwing myself out there and keep on trying.
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Henry Ford
Footballguy
Good luck with the legal career. It's worth it if you figure out what you love to do in it.biggamer3 said:
Adderall Slim
Footballguy
I'm a frequent lurker but rare poster, thanks for letting me post my thoughts here.
I'm 36 and once again unemployed. I've attempted to start several businesses but have failed at each turn. I was an attorney at one time but was unhappy and felt like I wasn't a capable lawyer, I let my license lapse. There have been other failings but I don't want to take up too much space. Suffice to say I'm stuck and don't know which direction to head. I'm broke and have been forced to move back in with my parents.
Anxiety has been a constant force in my life, the medication helps at times but sometimes it feels like putting a pebble in front of a waterfall. I've had on and off issues with depression. Suicidal feelings have come up occasionally, but in the recent days have become much more acute and concrete. I feel overwhelmed and worthless.
I feel like if I could get some forward momentum I could change my outlook, but it seems far away, and after repeated failures I'm far from optimistic. I live in a relatively small town, given my past I'm not sure I can stomach starting at the bottom for a job I'm overqualified for(I don't think I'm better than anyone, just education wise).
I know this is probably insufferable woe is me crap but thanks for reading, any advice welcome. Everyone who posts in here seem like good people, thanks for being empathetic and good luck to all of those who are struggling.
I'm 36 and once again unemployed. I've attempted to start several businesses but have failed at each turn. I was an attorney at one time but was unhappy and felt like I wasn't a capable lawyer, I let my license lapse. There have been other failings but I don't want to take up too much space. Suffice to say I'm stuck and don't know which direction to head. I'm broke and have been forced to move back in with my parents.
Anxiety has been a constant force in my life, the medication helps at times but sometimes it feels like putting a pebble in front of a waterfall. I've had on and off issues with depression. Suicidal feelings have come up occasionally, but in the recent days have become much more acute and concrete. I feel overwhelmed and worthless.
I feel like if I could get some forward momentum I could change my outlook, but it seems far away, and after repeated failures I'm far from optimistic. I live in a relatively small town, given my past I'm not sure I can stomach starting at the bottom for a job I'm overqualified for(I don't think I'm better than anyone, just education wise).
I know this is probably insufferable woe is me crap but thanks for reading, any advice welcome. Everyone who posts in here seem like good people, thanks for being empathetic and good luck to all of those who are struggling.
