Childress fines, benches rookie Coach calls beads 'inappropriate attire' for football player MINNEAPOLIS -- Vikings head coach Brad Childress has fined rookie quarterback Tarvaris Jackson $25,000 and deactivated him for Thursday's game at Green Bay, the team reported Monday. Speaking through a web of encryption experts from MIT and the CIA, Childress told reporters Jackson was being punished for wearing "large tribal beads" on the field during Sunday's 26-13 loss to the New York Jets. "On this team, we dress appropriately for football," Childress said. "Bowties and sear sucker suits off the field, socks pulled up to the groin on the field. And we DON'T wear beads, period." When asked what the beads had to do with Jackson's energizing performance (14-for-23 for 177 yards and a touchdown in just over a quarter of action), Childress was blunt. "Listen, I don't care about statistics," Childress said. "Football is a game of integrity, played by stand-up men. Like Brad Johnson. Did you see that blue blazer with the gabardine khaki pants he was wearing after the game? Absolutely stunning. "And hey ... you'll never see Richard Owens wearing tribal beads. If the basic Vikings uniform is good enough for Richard Owens, it's good enough for Tarvaris Jackson." Jackson, a second-round draft pick from some little college in Alabama, was stunned. "I was just being me," Jackson said. "Down in 'Bama, people don't bust on you for what you wear. Sure, they still burn crosses in your yard and shout the N-word, but they respect the bling." Despite the hefty fine and benching, Jackson continued to show support for his embattled coach. "I ... love ... playing ... for ... coach ... Childress," Jackson said while reading a cue card held by armed Vikings team officials. "He's ... an ... offensive ... genius. What ... young ... quarterback ... wouldn't ... want ... to ... play ... in ... a ... sys ... what's that? ... oh, system ... like his?" Childress said that 15-year-veteran Brad Johnson will continue in his season-long role as starting quarterback for Thursday's game against the Packers. "Brad is a warrior and gives us the best chance to win in the fourth quarter," Childress said. "Especially if we're up by four touchdowns. He's particularly good in those situations." Johnson, eyes puffy from crying about his third benching this season, didn't have much to say. "I haven't talked to coach Childress about it," Johnson said. "I haven't talked to coach Childress since, like, June. There's really nothing for us to say. Besides, who wants to go through an FBI background check every time you want to stop by his office? Not me. I got things they just don't need to know. You think Tice is the only guy to ever scalp Super Bowl tickets?" Following the news that Johnson would start, Las Vegas installed the 6-8 Packers as a 27-point favorite. OTHER NEWS: The Vikings reported today that wide receiver Troy Williamson has been placed on injured reserve after dropping a cup of hot coffee on himself. (NOTE: this is FICTION)
none of whom have great matchups besides maybe Rattay vs. Browns
and Addai at RB, if Addai is even playing. My WRs have really carried me this year, Wayne, Walker, A Johnson, and Coles. Jackson and Dayne, what a 1-2 punch
I think Dayne is a good start right now, he's been putting up decent #'s the last few weeks. Its about time someone gave that guy a shot.
