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Uncomfortable situation for tomorrow's draft... (1 Viewer)

Eviloutsider

Eviloutsider

Footballguy
Here's the deal. We got a family and friends league ($40) that has been going on for the past 13 years. Good times and everyone looks forward to the draft which is/was set for tomorrow. This morning a member of the league found out they have cancer. They will be in for treatment for who knows how long and fantasy football isn't nor should be a concern anymore nor is it to me much as he is a dear family member.

The insensitive question remains what do I do? My initial thought was to cancel the draft or just have it and not include him knowing the more pressing issues at hand. I also know he LOVES fantasy football and lives for this crap and he mentioned to my mom that he was excited about the upcoming year. I would hold off on the draft and do it next week but we have people from out of town coming in for this. Other issues that are going to arise is he has two sons that are in the league and a brother that may be visiting him in the hospital so they might be out as well. I also would hate to call and ask any of them what I should do as the last thing anyone wants now is a phone call regarding FF.

What would you do...

1) Not do the league this year.

2) Do the draft with whoever shows.

3) Push the draft to a later date screwing over the out of towners.

4) Online draft with the people who show, auto draft for those (including my uncle) who aren't there.

Again, I don't really care about FF right now but a decision has to be made so people know what to do.

 
I would do anything that is beneficial to the poor man who has fallen ill. Whatever his wishes are, id honor them. That is most important.

 
'Eviloutsider said:
Here's the deal. We got a family and friends league ($40) that has been going on for the past 13 years. Good times and everyone looks forward to the draft which is/was set for tomorrow. This morning a member of the league found out they have cancer. They will be in for treatment for who knows how long and fantasy football isn't nor should be a concern anymore nor is it to me much as he is a dear family member.The insensitive question remains what do I do? My initial thought was to cancel the draft or just have it and not include him knowing the more pressing issues at hand. I also know he LOVES fantasy football and lives for this crap and he mentioned to my mom that he was excited about the upcoming year. I would hold off on the draft and do it next week but we have people from out of town coming in for this. Other issues that are going to arise is he has two sons that are in the league and a brother that may be visiting him in the hospital so they might be out as well. I also would hate to call and ask any of them what I should do as the last thing anyone wants now is a phone call regarding FF.What would you do...1) Not do the league this year.2) Do the draft with whoever shows.3) Push the draft to a later date screwing over the out of towners.4) Online draft with the people who show, auto draft for those (including my uncle) who aren't there.Again, I don't really care about FF right now but a decision has to be made so people know what to do.
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Can someone draft for him? Moreover can the league maybe pitch in for his entry fee? The idea being, he still has a team to focus on so it takes his mind off his situation, but he's not worried about losing money and if someone needs to take over for him (due to sickness) it's not a big deal.Just a thought. Hope he overcomes it. If you are missing multiple owners, I might move it to another day - too many guys gone just screws it up. I would imagine out of towners will understand. I would.
 
Oof. Since it sounds like you guys are all close, you should go with your gut. Maybe draft him a somewhat but not too obviously loaded team, including some of his favorite players? I wouldn't worry about the guys coming in from out of town, I assume they'd understand. Is running 2 leagues this year a possibility, one with whoever is available tomorrow and one you can draft later with everyone?

Just grasping at straws here, sorry to hear it.

 
Just because you find out you have cancer doesn't mean you can't draft.

If I were him I'd still want to draft.

 
'Christo said:
'LHUCKS said:
Just because you find out you have cancer doesn't mean you can't draft. If I were him I'd still want to draft.
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I assume that if the guy was planning on being at the draft there would be no need for the thread.
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yeah, but it wasn't stated, which leads me to believe nobody has talked to the poor guy yet.talk to him and ask him...that should be the first stepMy money is on he'll want to draft...and it's not close.
 
Dude, he's going to be stuck in the hospital taking treatment. There is absolutely nothing better than looking at footballguys in that situation. He's going to need the distraction - DO NOT CANCEL THE LEAGUE!

If he has a Dr. appointment tomorrow and can't make the draft, then draft for him. Ask what players he wants and do your best.

Right now, FF is the furthest thing from his mind (and yours too) but in a couple of months, you will both be really glad that you have the league to talk about.

Unfortunately, I've had a couple of friends and family in this situation the past few years so I have a little experience.

God Bless!

 
Tough one. If you ask and its the last thing on his mind, he will think you insensitive. If he is looking forward to it and you cancel he will be upset. I'm guessing he will want to do it and have something to take his mind off the bad news he just received.

Good luck and sincerely hope his prognosis is good and they caught it early.

 
'Parkers99 said:
Dude, he's going to be stuck in the hospital taking treatment. There is absolutely nothing better than looking at footballguys in that situation. He's going to need the distraction - DO NOT CANCEL THE LEAGUE!If he has a Dr. appointment tomorrow and can't make the draft, then draft for him. Ask what players he wants and do your best.Right now, FF is the furthest thing from his mind (and yours too) but in a couple of months, you will both be really glad that you have the league to talk about.Unfortunately, I've had a couple of friends and family in this situation the past few years so I have a little experience. God Bless!
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:goodposting: It's a tough call but you've gotta get him on the horn and ask him what he wants to do. My money is on draft. And you said he has 2 sons in the league too? Perfect! That's good quality time with the family.
 
They are taking out tumors tomorrow and shortening his arm so being at the draft is out of the question. He will be in treatment at the hospital for the foreseeable future I am guessing. I would love to know what he would prefer but I can't just ask him. I am thinking of visiting tomorrow (which I would have done anyway) and just seeing if he brings it up but I also don't want him to think that's what I care about only.

 
'Eviloutsider said:
They are taking out tumors tomorrow and shortening his arm so being at the draft is out of the question. He will be in treatment at the hospital for the foreseeable future I am guessing. I would love to know what he would prefer but I can't just ask him. I am thinking of visiting tomorrow (which I would have done anyway) and just seeing if he brings it up but I also don't want him to think that's what I care about only.
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Delay the draft. He will need the distraction for sure.Ask - when appropriate - if he wants a stand-in to draft. Often though that's the favorite part.If it isn't a big deal, just wait and let him decide the fate of the league. Alert all other league members of that plan.PS Thoughts and prayers
 
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As someone who lost his mother to cancer 3 years ago, what I can tell you is that the last thing a cancer patient wants to be reminded of is the fact that they are a cancer patient.

My mother lost her 3rd battle with cancer. The first time she had it was 1986. What she took from that battle was the effect her having cancer had on her friends/family. All questions centered around how she felt/how was she doing? And as such, she always found herself talking about the subject, which did not give her the warm and fuzzies. Coupled with the fact the chemo is an absolutely vial treatment in terms of the effect it has on ones body...it was something she did not want to repeat.

And as such in 2007 when she found out she had it again, she told only a few select confidants, personally and professionally of her condition, in large part because she didn't want people to act or treat her differently, even though the ravages of her body made it clear to people that something was up.

My point: Do as you would normally do. Tell him that anything you can do for him, you'd be glad to - and then let it be and allow this individual to lean on you in whatever way he sees fit. Don't make the choice for him.

 
'Jeff Pasquino said:
'Eviloutsider said:
They are taking out tumors tomorrow and shortening his arm so being at the draft is out of the question. He will be in treatment at the hospital for the foreseeable future I am guessing. I would love to know what he would prefer but I can't just ask him. I am thinking of visiting tomorrow (which I would have done anyway) and just seeing if he brings it up but I also don't want him to think that's what I care about only.
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Delay the draft. He will need the distraction for sure.Ask - when appropriate - if he wants a stand-in to draft. Often though that's the favorite part.If it isn't a big deal, just wait and let him decide the fate of the league. Alert all other league members of that plan.PS Thoughts and prayers
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:goodposting: I would add to tentatively plan your draft two weeks from today which gives him the maximum recovery time. If he can't draft, then you draft a team for him.I hope your buddy finds good health. :thumbup:
 
'TheDirtyWord said:
As someone who lost his mother to cancer 3 years ago, what I can tell you is that the last thing a cancer patient wants to be reminded of is the fact that they are a cancer patient.My mother lost her 3rd battle with cancer. The first time she had it was 1986. What she took from that battle was the effect her having cancer had on her friends/family. All questions centered around how she felt/how was she doing? And as such, she always found herself talking about the subject, which did not give her the warm and fuzzies. Coupled with the fact the chemo is an absolutely vial treatment in terms of the effect it has on ones body...it was something she did not want to repeat.And as such in 2007 when she found out she had it again, she told only a few select confidants, personally and professionally of her condition, in large part because she didn't want people to act or treat her differently, even though the ravages of her body made it clear to people that something was up.My point: Do as you would normally do. Tell him that anything you can do for him, you'd be glad to - and then let it be and allow this individual to lean on you in whatever way he sees fit. Don't make the choice for him.
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:goodposting:
 
Chip in, pay his fee, and have a different person draft for him each round in good faith. Tell him this year's competition is on the house but next year he's back on the hook.

 
as someone mentioned earlier talk with him and see if while in recovery you could bring the draft to him.

1. everyone would be able to see him.

2. would take his mind off things. im sure he would love to have the company. laugh and talk about the thing he loves. football. will raise his spirits i think.

for the people out of town. you could always text message, use skype or some other form of chat.

i am almost positive all the other people in the league will understand. if they dont and throw a fit they dont belong in the league period.

 
'Sudoku_in_the_Bathtub said:
Bring the draft to him.
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This, though obviously his call. Most times after treatments someone may be weakish, and need some bed rest, but after a few days should be fine. Most importantly ask him, as that's his call. Worst comes to worse you could have someone proxy draft for him? But my guess is after a few days of treatment he'll wanna draft. Howver if its chemo, due to the vomitting etc, might wanna let him draft online with maybe another buddy/wife manning the control and shouting picks to him etc...
 
Since three people in the league are involved (the guy and his two children) I think you should make the phone call, offer your best wishes and optimism and just ask what they'd prefer to do with the draft.

If they can't think about fantasy football right now (more than understandable), delay it. A quarter of the league is out. But they might prefer the distraction, or have already discussed it since it's the next day. I'd leave it up to them. They might want to be there or have someone with him to text picks, or something else entirely.

It could be the furthest thing from their mind...or it could be the distraction they really need. Call and find out. Good luck.

 
I have a good buddy who was stricken with a rare form of leukemia a few years back (hairy cell leukemia). Although not as "life threatening" as some other forms, he went through a couple rounds of chemo. Our league was in a similar situation, as he was just finishing up with the chemo when our league draft was scheduled (always Labor Day weekend). He was an absolute TROOPER, and said there was no way he was going to miss the draft........and he didn't. It was awesome. Knowing how "serious" so many of us guys take our FFL (and look SOOOO forward to it every year), you can pretty much be assured he would NOT want the league to fold or take a year off on his account. It's crappy enough what he's going through already, no need to "toss another iron on the fire". My suggestion would be to collect a little extra $$$ from each league member to cover your friends league dues, and have a "pinch drafter" sit in and draft a squad for him. The league as a whole can "manage" the squad (if your buddy is not able to do so himself), until the time comes when he can. I'm SURE he would be touched, and would love the feeling of still being included (plus something fun to focus on during recovery). Just my .02

Hope everything works out for the best.

 
Have someone draft for him or in his honor and then turn it over to this guy after he gets out of the hospital.

He will want to think about anything other than cancer I promise.

If no one will do it, I'll gladly stand in via internet.

 
Delay the draft. Even if you have to draft 2 weeks into the season it will still work. I'm sure everyone will understand and your league will be stronger because of it. When you're going thru something like that you need distractions, but if you don't have the energy to do it then it's up to your friends to do the right thing. I was commish when I had quadruple bypass heart surgery 3 years ago and actually set the playoff brackets online via laptop from intensive care. My league mates couldn't believe it, but really to me it meant the world to be able to do it and show them I could continue on. Wait for him if you can.

 
'Ministry of Pain said:
Have someone draft for him or in his honor and then turn it over to this guy after he gets out of the hospital. He will want to think about anything other than cancer I promise. If no one will do it, I'll gladly stand in via internet.
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I think there's the issue of the guy's two children, who are in the league as well. Good chance they want to be with their Dad on draft day since he's having a procedure. And as nice as it is to have different variations of someone drafting for him...it's not your team if you don't pick the players. It's just not the same. Better than nothing, but barely.Since it impacts so many people, delaying seems like the least-bad option. There's plenty of time before the season starts and while it impacts those who are coming in town for the draft, they can still catch up with friends and do everything but draft. It's an unusual circumstance and hopefully they'll understand.
 
I say try to do an online draft and let it autopick. If it's Yahoo they did a pretty good job this year, we had 2 autodrafted teams and they are fairly pleased with their teams.

When he is finally able to get back to it, he will be so happy to have a team to call his and a distraction to have.

It might even be more fun for him to try to fix the team and trade with other leaguemates to make it more his own.

That's just my view.

When is the draft? I wouldn't mind drafting for him on yahoo.

There's a feature to swap owners of a team this year. Again, only if this is yahoo. You could switch me in, I'll draft, and then switch him back in.

Just a thought.

I will keep him in my prayers for you bud.

Take care,

Ryan

 
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Whatever you do don't drop him from the league.

The best option is talk to him. If he's having surgery and can't/isn't available to talk then autodraft for him. As someone who unfortunately has been around some good friends who've been dying in the hospital I learned that they want to feel involved with people they care about and love to do anything normal that they used to be able to do. And they appreciate it 1000x more. When he's able to participate again then he'll really feel thankful that his friends and family remembered him and the things he enjoyed.

It's rough, as sometimes family members will get angry at things that he wouldn't. For example he might be adamant about continuing the draft while some family members might selfishly think it should be postponed. It's not that they mean to be shortsighted but sometimes it's hard to put yourself in other people's shoes and they miss the fact that it's his life - not theirs.

Talk to him if you can. If not then talk to his sons. If that's not an option then I'm assuming that they all know when the draft is. Hold the draft and whomever doesn't show up - him and/or his sons - then autodraft for them all. When the subject eventually does come up, and it will if they love FF, then say "We have your teams waiting for you whenever you're ready. We enjoy the time we get to spend with you all during FF season and couldn't think about not having you guys in our league" or something like that.

Good luck my friend - to you and your friend with cancer.

 
Sounds like he is big on fantasy football, so I would definitely not autodraft his team unless he figured that was cool. The draft is one of the highlights of the year. So pushing it later so he has a shot of doing it online or in person in a couple weeks would be my suggestion.

The best would be to call him or his kids to ask him. Since it is a sudden hospitalization and has multiple members of your league effected. The distraction later in the year would probably be welcome. Since he might be fine with an autodraft. In my view auto drafting is fire and ice. Some people hate it, others are ok with it.

Hope it's localized enough that they can get it all removed and he can past it!

 
my 2 cents worth" treat the guy like he is LIVING with Cancer, not DYING from it. I love fantast football, so much so that if you were deciding what to do WITTHOUT asking me what I want, I would be pissed. Sounds like he may be that same sort of fellow, or maybe not...I just dont know him as well as you do.

Go visit him, dont blurt out hey bub what the hell are we gonna do about the draft with you here in the hospital. Wait for him to bring it up...he probably will. If he doesnt after visiting for awhile, bring it up, Tell him you love him and cant wait till he is better to talk about ff. And just ask him.... and be willing to follow his wishes whatever they are.

Under NO circumstances do you let him quit the league though. If he says to go ahead without him make sure you stress to him its a 1 year hiatus and he WILL be back next year to take his rightful spot at the draft table. Good luck man, and Godspeed to your family member.

 
'da_budman said:
my 2 cents worth" treat the guy like he is LIVING with Cancer, not DYING from it. I love fantast football, so much so that if you were deciding what to do WITTHOUT asking me what I want, I would be pissed. Sounds like he may be that same sort of fellow, or maybe not...I just dont know him as well as you do.

Go visit him, dont blurt out hey bub what the hell are we gonna do about the draft with you here in the hospital. Wait for him to bring it up...he probably will. If he doesnt after visiting for awhile, bring it up, Tell him you love him and cant wait till he is better to talk about ff. And just ask him.... and be willing to follow his wishes whatever they are.

Under NO circumstances do you let him quit the league though. If he says to go ahead without him make sure you stress to him its a 1 year hiatus and he WILL be back next year to take his rightful spot at the draft table. Good luck man, and Godspeed to your family member.
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The only thing I would add is that you should reject his first attempt at quitting. I've had owners try to quit as an effort to be noble (personal issues made fantasy football less important that year). I simply did not accept the resignation and told them we need to find another solution-- you're a valuable part of the league and we don't want to lose you that easily.

They appreciated that they were considered so valuable as owners that their desire to resign was met with resistance. In those instances something was always worked out, and they felt like an important part of the league. Of course, if they're adamant you respect their wishes. But rather than say "Are you sure? Okay, but you're back in next year" I'd say "No. I'm sure we could find a replacement but we need you. Not just an owner...but you. The league isn't as fun without you there. How can we work it out so you can participate?"

If they really don't want to play, they'll let you know. But if they just don't want to burden the league by upsetting the schedule, let them know that any option that keeps them in is better than not having them there and the league wants to do what it takes to have them participate.

 
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Update is we delayed the draft a week and will do it online to suit everyone's needs. Better than nothing. Thanks for the input to all.

 
He was clear when talking to his sister (my mom) that he really wanted to be in this year, I never did ask him. I figured out a time that would work for everyone to be on a computer and that was that.

 
'Eviloutsider said:
He was clear when talking to his sister (my mom) that he really wanted to be in this year, I never did ask him. I figured out a time that would work for everyone to be on a computer and that was that.
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Nice decision. Glad it worked out and he is still in the league.
 
'LHUCKS said:
'Christo said:
'LHUCKS said:
Just because you find out you have cancer doesn't mean you can't draft. If I were him I'd still want to draft.
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I assume that if the guy was planning on being at the draft there would be no need for the thread.
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talk to him and ask him...that should be the first step
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:goodposting: I guess I can't say for sure, but I would think I'd still want to do a draft in the same situation.
 
If he would like an experienced guy to temporarily take his place until he's feeling better, I'll volunteer to do whatever. I've got a lot of free time on my hands this season and wouldn't mind helping out if that's desirable.

If you're interested, shoot me an email at allanwatkins at bellsouth.net.

 
Not the same situation but my buddy in the league lost his wife to cancer this summer. It was so sudden. She was just thought to be sick and went to the hospital. They found it was cancer and she died 3 days later. She was 31. It hit my buddy like a freight train. He didn't talk to anyone for at least a month.

Our initial thoughts were similar to yours. Do we cancel the league? Do we pay for his fee and auto draft? We just didn't know what would be appropriate. Well he's put up his own fee and he is definitely wanting the league. He NEEDS the league. If only for a few months he might be able to do something that distracts him from the depression. I think you need to talk to your friend and see what he wants.

 
I am glad you have found a solution to this very sensitive life changing situation. I just want to add that in all my years of playing FF I have heard the game described as stupid, pointless, waste of time, etc. In reality FF can be a life changing event all in itself. We may not think of it this way but FF can bring real meaning, joy and togetherness to the people that participate. FF players are a family in many ways. We definitely do not all agree on things, but when you need support there are real people willing to chip in to help someone that they have never met. I am proud to be a Footballguys member.

 
moving thread, glad your family member can participate and this hobby can bring some joy during tough times. prayers go out to him.

 
Good job, commish life never easy, this will be much more rewarding for you. Godspeed for your friend, hope he bounces back from this but it sounds like he has great people around him.

 
'CHEF said:
I am glad you have found a solution to this very sensitive life changing situation. I just want to add that in all my years of playing FF I have heard the game described as stupid, pointless, waste of time, etc. In reality FF can be a life changing event all in itself. We may not think of it this way but FF can bring real meaning, joy and togetherness to the people that participate. FF players are a family in many ways. We definitely do not all agree on things, but when you need support there are real people willing to chip in to help someone that they have never met. I am proud to be a Footballguys member.
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This post (and really anythingO is much funnier if you read it like the swedish chef. BORK DE BORKE DE BORK BORK BORK
 
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