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Unexpected: My future son-in-law just asked for my blessing to propose to my daughter (1 Viewer)

Mister CIA

Mister CIA

Footballguy
My two word response was,  "#### yeah," followed by a handshake and hug.  I wish I had had more time to prepare a better response.  He was obviously nervous and I immediately thought, "Oh ####, he's about to ask for my blessing."

Look at me, I'm old!

 
Mister CIA said:
My two word response was,  "#### yeah," followed by a handshake and hug.  I wish I had had more time to prepare a better response.  He was obviously nervous and I immediately thought, "Oh ####, he's about to ask for my blessing."

Look at me, I'm old!
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Damn, congrats! Cheers to the addition to the family. 

 
If was a young nervous kid asking and the father said "F yeah!!" I think that would be the perfect response actually.  I'd remember that much more than some sappy garbage.

 
offdee said:
If was a young nervous kid asking and the father said "F yeah!!" I think that would be the perfect response actually.  I'd remember that much more than some sappy garbage.
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Or worse, "Sorry, but I'll have to say to no", as my FIL said to me in the same situation.

ETA Congratulations to the OP.

 
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offdee said:
Lol really?  

How did you reply to that? Did you still propose anyways?
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A really uncomfortable silence followed, after which I said, “well, I guess I’ll have to take this into consideration.”

He explained: as a devout Catholic, he didn’t believe in divorce (he knew I’d been divorced). The only exception he’d consider would be annulment of my first marriage, for which I could petition the pope.

Thankfully, my future mother-in-law overheard the whole conversation, and intervened. “Stop being stupid Tom. Of course you can marry her!”

Not sure what I’d have done otherwise, but it probably would’ve been pretty entertaining to seek a papal annulment as a flaming atheist.

Did I mention he’d been divorced? Pretty sure he didn’t annul his first marriage either…

 
Terminalxylem said:
A really uncomfortable silence followed, after which I said, “well, I guess I’ll have to take this into consideration.”

He explained: as a devout Catholic, he didn’t believe in divorce (he knew I’d been divorced). The only exception he’d consider would be annulment of my first marriage, for which I could petition the pope.

Thankfully, my future mother-in-law overheard the whole conversation, and intervened. “Stop being stupid Tom. Of course you can marry her!”

Not sure what I’d have done otherwise, but it probably would’ve been pretty entertaining to seek a papal annulment as a flaming atheist.

Did I mention he’d been divorced? Pretty sure he didn’t annul his first marriage either…
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How's your relationship with them now?  Are you still married to this girl?

 
Mister CIA said:
My two word response was,  "#### yeah," followed by a handshake and hug.  I wish I had had more time to prepare a better response.  He was obviously nervous and I immediately thought, "Oh ####, he's about to ask for my blessing."

Look at me, I'm old!
Click to expand...
Congrats!
I didn't realize asking for the dad's blessing was still a thing. What kind of dowry does she bring to the table?

 
Terminalxylem said:
A really uncomfortable silence followed, after which I said, “well, I guess I’ll have to take this into consideration.”

He explained: as a devout Catholic, he didn’t believe in divorce (he knew I’d been divorced). The only exception he’d consider would be annulment of my first marriage, for which I could petition the pope.

Thankfully, my future mother-in-law overheard the whole conversation, and intervened. “Stop being stupid Tom. Of course you can marry her!”

Not sure what I’d have done otherwise, but it probably would’ve been pretty entertaining to seek a papal annulment as a flaming atheist.

Did I mention he’d been divorced? Pretty sure he didn’t annul his first marriage either…
Click to expand...
It goes to the diocese and really all they want is the money. It was 700 bucks back in 2000, and everyone who petitioned got one.

 
Hawks64 said:
It goes to the diocese and really all they want is the money. It was 700 bucks back in 2000, and everyone who petitioned got one.
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not to hijack the thread...when my wife and I got engaged we set the wedding date for only 10 weeks later (lots of factors but none of them b/c of being preggo or anything).

She wanted to get married in her catholic church she attended since baptism.  When she called and asked about pre-cana, she told them of soon wedding date, they pushed back and said "well we prefer you are engaged longer then that, bla, bla, bla.....buuuuut we can offer you a super speedy pre-cana of only $XXX more." My wife was like "take your rosaries and pound sand" 

So we went to my parents Lutheran church and they were like, "dude sweet, lets do this." We had 2 meetings with the pastor, he was chill AF, and we had an awesome ceremony. 


Back on topic: Congrats MisterCIA. I have to say, for my own daughter's sake, the trend of baby daddy's and domestic partnerships that seem to be the norm these days scares the crud out of me. Glad to hear that some kids are still doing it the traditional way.  

 
SoBeDad said:
Congrats! I have 2 daughters. Are we still supposed to pay for most of the wedding expenses?
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my wife and I actually won a full blown wedding package on a radio station contest. My mother entered us as a joke and we ended up winning. Rings, dress, reception, photographer....everything paid for. We realized we were still too young and not ready so we turned it down. 

Although he never showed it, my FIL (also 2 daughters) was pissed. lol 

 
I remember when I talked to my ex's dad.  We had taken her parents out to dinner and the whole night my ex was kicking me and giving me the eye to say something, but I was nervous and waiting for the right moment.  Finally I said I wanted to talk about something.  He was sitting across the table from me, he pushed his chair back a little, then leaned back and looked at me and waited.  I went through some opening and then said I wanted to bring her to stay with me and, if things went well, get married.  I forget what his reply was exactly, but he said a few things and, without looking at his wife this entire time, said "my wife and I are in agreement."

When her two older sisters got engaged, their guys never said anything to the dad, so he always gave them a hard time about it afterwards.

 
I think your answer was perfect. You being that excited about them getting married means more to them any money, or any scripted speech you could of.have prepared. 

Trust me I have been on the other side of it. 

Also congratulations. 

 
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brun said:
Congrats!
I didn't realize asking for the dad's blessing was still a thing. What kind of dowry does she bring to the table?
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I'm with you. 

I didn't do it. My wife didn't ask for the authorization from my parents either. 

 
brun said:
Congrats!
I didn't realize asking for the dad's blessing was still a thing. What kind of dowry does she bring to the table?
Click to expand...
It’s a really cool sign of respect.  Says a lot about the future son in law as well as the OP.

Side note:  I didn’t ask my FIL for permission, and knowing him for almost 30 years now, still stand by that decision.  

 
Alex P Keaton said:
brun said:
Congrats!
I didn't realize asking for the dad's blessing was still a thing. What kind of dowry does she bring to the table?
Click to expand...
It’s a really cool sign of respect.  Says a lot about the future son in law as well as the OP.

Side note:  I didn’t ask my FIL for permission, and knowing him for almost 30 years now, still stand by that decision.  
Click to expand...


Not directed at you brun, but in general to the thread.  In my opinion asking for the father's blessing is NOT asking for permission.  It's saying, "I'm going to marry your daughter, and I'm asking for your support and encouragement of us in that step in our relationship" in a respectful way. 

 
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facook said:
Not directed at you brun, but in general to the thread.  In my opinion asking for the father's blessing is NOT asking for permission.  It's saying, "I'm going to marry your daughter, and I'm asking for your support and encouragement of us in that step in our relationship" in a respectful way. 
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Yeah, great point.  As you can see, I never thought deeply enough about it to care.  That said, your perspective makes perfect sense.  The better word is blessing.

 
Congrats @Mister CIA!

My FIL was a really odd bird and an alcoholic.  We saw him very infrequently and  I didn’t ask him about marrying my wife but that’s because I barely ever spoke to him and he never had any interest in having any discussions with me.  He passed about 5 years ago - I’m not sure I spent a total of an hour talking to him combined.

 
I asked my FIL for his blessing. I remember being so nervous. I don't know why. I was dating my wife for 5 years at the time and I knew my FIL loved me. He was very excited. Still love him like my own dad to this day.

 
I'm a long ways from this happening and really don't expect anyone to be asking for my blessing if one of my girls decides to go that route, but I really need to be prepared with some creative responses if it does happen.   Maybe I'll ask him (assuming its a him) to go hunting with me first before I can give him an answer.  I don't even hunt so I'd probably just drive him around for a bit in silence before letting him know I'm just messing with him.  

 
Terminalxylem said:
A really uncomfortable silence followed, after which I said, “well, I guess I’ll have to take this into consideration.”

He explained: as a devout Catholic, he didn’t believe in divorce (he knew I’d been divorced). The only exception he’d consider would be annulment of my first marriage, for which I could petition the pope.

Thankfully, my future mother-in-law overheard the whole conversation, and intervened. “Stop being stupid Tom. Of course you can marry her!”

Not sure what I’d have done otherwise, but it probably would’ve been pretty entertaining to seek a papal annulment as a flaming atheist.

Did I mention he’d been divorced? Pretty sure he didn’t annul his first marriage either…
Click to expand...
I didn't ask, but I suspect my FIL would have said "no".  I suspect because when my wife told him we were engaged, there was no "that's awesome" or "congratulations", only a very serious "are you sure about this?"

She was pretty irritated about it, but doesn't remember because the brain injury happened 8 days after that conversation.

But I understood where he was coming from. He didn't know me all that well. He's a very rational, matter of fact man. Skepticism makes perfect sense. Certainly no one was or is good enough for her. 

We've grown pretty close over the years since. The accident was part of it. Women deal with these things differently. Better, I would argue. But we were the only two men in this story. Both broken from this happening to our favorite person in the world. A connection that's hard to explain.

But especially that he had 4 daughters. A good relationship with them, but man it could be tough. The very rational, matter of fact part sometimes made hard to relate with 4 daughters. He can just come off like a complete ####### sometimes. It was easier for me just see a caring man that lacked a certain tact sometimes.

But over the years I've cried a lot with that man and I know how much he loves his girls. And I think he's figured out I love one of them too. 

 
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I won the in-law lottery with mine.  My FIL and I got along swimmingly.  I was like the son he never had.  We went to sports events together, and took several trips abroad (me flying for work, him tagging-along).  Sadly, he passed a few years ago.  I really miss him.

But my wife is quite independent, and had I asked my (future) FIL for permission, it's very possible she would have NOT married me as a consequence of that.  And I knew it.  He knew his daughter well enough to know the same, as well.

But my FIL was so cool, I just wish I could have found a way to do that as a hat-tip to him.

 
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