Update - weird events during brothers “death”.Call your opioid addicted friends and family today (1 Viewer)

[Henry Ford]

And I'm not saying I wouldn't be doing and thinking and feeling exactly what you're doing, thinking, and feeling right now.  I do know that there's exactly one person I would trust if he grabbed me and told me what he thought of what I was doing, my brother, and I also know he'd say exactly what I said above.  

Edit: and if I told him to pound sand, he'd also grab a crowbar and a shovel and say "I tried, give me the keys and let's go."  It's not judgment, it's just advice.

 

[General Malaise]

Sorry, I somehow skipped over all this while reading the thread.  I'm going to address it now.  And please remember if you can that I'm on your side and that I actually do, viscerally, understand what you're going through.  I know you're a good person and I'm not judging your reactions or your feelings - just trying to tell you the best advice I can muster in an impossible situation.

You need to stop this and if you can, get your head together.  There are significant similarities right now between you becoming The Equalizer to try to chase down someone who may have been in the room when your brother overdosed to make him pay and your brother chasing his habit.  That thing you're feeling while you're "chasing down leads" is the same thing he felt chasing the high.  And there's a good chance you're doing it to escape the reality of what has happened.  And it can destroy you and your family if you let it.

Let the police do their jobs.  

Your brother is gone.  It sucks, but he is gone.  And a likely scenario in this case is that he backslid and used again for a last hurrah before he left town, and told whomever he was with that he couldn't call an ambulance because he couldn't handle the shame of everyone knowing that he'd backslid.  That may not be what happened, but it's the police department's job to determine that.

It is also worth remembering that sometimes a case is passed to another investigator because the nature of the investigation has changed.  I am sure the police will contact you when they have information for you.  You should not go confront this person, it will not do good things for you, your family, your brother's memory, or the progression of the investigation.  

I wish you and your family peace.  I hope that you will take steps toward that goal, and not away from it.

Listen to Henry.  Please.

And I'm so sorry for your loss.  Cannot even begin to comprehend what that is like.  :(

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

All great advice @Henry Ford and I appreciate it. 

 

[Henry Ford]

All great advice @Henry Ford and I appreciate it. 

I hope it's good advice.  I don't think anyone has the answers at times like this.

I've lost a lot of people in my life.  An awful lot.  It took way too many to realize that no matter what you do or don't do after their death, they'll still be dead.  And the only thing that makes that any better is to be around people you and they love and tell all the stories, laugh and cry and remember.  There are memories you will never remember again unless they pop up during this time with those people in that kind of discussion and environment.  And those memories are the only things that matter now, because otherwise they'll be lost forever.  And not just the ones you hear, or remember, but the ones you tell that make other people remember.

When people die they want three things.  They want to be forgiven.  They want to be remembered.  And they want to know that they didn't waste their time here on Earth.

Forgive him.  Remember him.  And remind everyone else and yourself what he leaves behind as a positive legacy.  It takes so much more energy and effort and pain than chasing down a drug addict, but it's actually worth something in the end.  For you and for him.

 

[Dezbelief]

Sorry for the loss of your brother, brother. 

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

 We ALL really need to be kind to each other you know?  It's so easy to $hi on people, make fun of people, talk $hit behind each other backs but damnit you really don't know what all everyone around you is going through you know?  You really have no idea what kind of pain other people are suffering through (mental, physical, emotional, etc.)  And, you know, you don't have to solve everyone's problems but it doesn't cost anything to just smile, say hi or hold open a door for God's sake you know?  Listen to your wife's work stories, let your kid(s) tell you their silly jokes, let a co-worker vent for a few minutes, none of that costs more than a few minutes of your time.  Again, life is terribly, terribly short, it's a good life lesson for all of us to just be a little more patient, a little more tolerant, a little more kind to each other.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

You now carry the legacy for the both of you, you and your brother.  Live the life, experience the joys, love, and forgiveness he would have hoped for you and which you hoped for him.  Be the best that he was while taking to heart the learning opportunities from the cautionary tale he was.  The past, our obligations can be honored by moving forward on a positive path.

You are good folk, I have sensed this about you.  All my best.

 

[In The Zone]

Oh man, sorry for your loss. Addiction is horrible. My SIL is currently in hospice for failed liver and kidneys. 

As mentioned by others, don't do anything stupid. Let the police handle it. 

 

[prosopis]

So sorry for your loss that is a horrible.

I do believe there is some good advice in here. Especially the advice about saying hi and being kind to people. Letting people know that you care that they exist and they are a part of your life. Just checking in with a "How are you" is so important to some. It may sound silly but sometimes the smallest acknowledgment can make a giant difference. As a guy who struggles I can attest to the importance of these moments. I also feel it is important to let people know when they have done or said something that may have swayed you from a course of self destruction. I wish you peace and love my friend.

 

[CGRdrJoe]

I'm very sorry for your loss Steady, my best wishes to you and your family.

 

[Waingro]

This thread is very sad and very enlightening at the same time. 

I am so very sorry for your loss Mobbin. As many have already said, this is not your fault. You're a good brother and I am sure Matthew would agree.  

 

[skol asylum]

Sorry for your loss. I hope you find the peace I know your brother would want for you soon.

 

[Nathan R. Jessep]

I missed the update last week. So sorry for your loss GB. 

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

I missed the update last week. So sorry for your loss GB. 

:manhug:

Thanks GB! He’s no longer suffering. 

 

[McJose]

I missed all of this somehow.  

Sorry to hear about everything, man. 

 

[ragincajun]

Sorry to hear this SM.

 

[jvdesigns2002]

I'm not sure how--but I somehow completely missed this thread.  My deepest thoughts and condolences to the OP.   I've had very close friends pass away from OD's and my sister nearly passed away from drug addiction.   I know the grieving process was brutal for me--and I don't envy the roller coaster of emotions that you will be going through.  With that said--there has been some really good advice given to you by members in this thread--and I encourage you to try to absorb it as much as possible. I wish you the best of luck and the entire community here is in your corner.