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What is your go-to Fantasy Football "smack talk"? (1 Viewer)

My fantasy league is filled with a bunch of guys that I grew up with, most of whom I've been friends with since elementary school. Our trash talk includes basically anything that has ever happened in our lives -- from plays in soccer games when we were 12 years old to high school girlfriends to weird awkward adventures through college to **** size/color. Pretty much nothing is off limits.

 
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"I'm going to kill one of ____________ (opponent's best player) or your ___________________ (opponent's relative). Your choice"

 
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Last year, I dressed up in a Bin Laden mask and costume and filmed myself drafting a better team than them.

 
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"You losers still care about fantasy football? I can't believe I'm still playing this silly game with you fools."

Then I'll brag about how I haven't looked at any rankings and just printed out some "list" that morning.

I'll also reminisce out loud about the days prior to every website posting a cheat sheet and there was actual skill involved.

Throughout the draft, I'll continually threaten them that this is my last year playing because it just isn't fun anymore.

That should make them all feel pretty dumb.

 
There is a guy in our local league who has finished in the basement probably 19 out of the past 20 years. He keeps wanting to play, and he's a good guy, so we keep taking his money. It's not uncommon to check his lineup on gameday, and three of his starters are on a bye.

Anyhoo, at the draft a few years ago, I blasted this at maximum volume after EVERY pick he made. The room was in tears.

 
I once made a five minute video in which I sang soft rock ballads just to announce the draft order of a league I'm not even in.

 
Raider Nation said:
There is a guy in our local league who has finished in the basement probably 19 out of the past 20 years. He keeps wanting to play, and he's a good guy, so we keep taking his money. It's not uncommon to check his lineup on gameday, and three of his starters are on a bye.

Anyhoo, at the draft a few years ago, I blasted this at maximum volume after EVERY pick he made. The room was in tears.
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:lmao:

Now that's good shtick.

 
I film myself having sex with the wife of each guy in the league. When I "finish" I shout out her husband's team name followed by "sucks" Each week I post a new video.

We all get a good laugh out of that.

 
Whenever someone reaches for a player they like, I love to yell "Where is he?.... scrolling.......scrolling.....scrolling.... oh THERE he is! WR 45 on MY Cheatsheet". Gets em every time.

 
[icon] said:
Whenever someone reaches for a player they like, I love to yell "Where is he?.... scrolling.......scrolling.....scrolling.... oh THERE he is! WR 45 on MY Cheatsheet". Gets em every time.
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Or a quick and arrogant "never heard of him" usually works.

 
If someone picks a player who's injured, say with an ACL, I love to leap up, scream in their face, and then give them the same injuy (ie sweeping the leg to induce a similar knee injury).

Serves em right for not having current info.

 
Last year I found the "I raped your mom" comments were kind of a buzzkill so I'm trying to back off a touch.

 
When a guy picks a ####ty WR - "I know for a fact your Mom/Sister has better hands than that hack, and after that last 5 roper I finished with last night they should still be sticky".

 
I'm a big fan of the "XXX called" lines. Usually killer.

For example, someone takes Jonathan Stewart: "Hey 2008 called, they want their ####ty picks back."

Zing.

 
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