What would you do? - parent of middle schooler edition (1 Viewer)

[SoylentGreen]

My daughter is in 6th grade, kind of a shy kid but has a handful of good friends, and a very good student. Yesterday she was trying to get to her locker at lunch when a boy she doesn't really know and has never interracted with but she has a few classes with is in her way. She asks him to move, he refuses and stays there, blocking her locker. She tries to reach around to get to the lock, and he and his friend slap at the locker and the lock as she opens it, knocking it to the ground. Kid stays in her way, she says "I'll step on your lunch if you don't move", and he replies "if you do, I'll stab you." She nervously laughs and said she was joking, gets her lunch out of her locker, and gets out of there. But that evening, she's upset, nervous, anxious, etc.

Just tell her it's kids being kids? Treat it as threatening language that needs to be reported to the administration? Other?

Other factors, that may or may not influence your take:

Spoiler

Kid has been disciplined in the past for saying something unknown to my daughter's friend that necessitated banning any contact with her on threat of suspension.

Spoiler

Kid's name is Jaquann.

Parents of middle schoolers in particular, I'm interested in your take.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

I also have a sixth grade daughter. I'd tell the administration if a kid said he was going to stab her.

 

[sbonomo]

Go right to the school management. No other answer here.

 

[NutterButter]

Move

 

[Psychopav]

I would go to kid's parents before administration but if I didn't know them or their reaction didn't sit well I'd go to the admin.

No middle schoolers here but 2 former middle schoolers and 2 soon to be middle schoolers.

 

[Psychopav]

Oh, and sleep with his wife.

 

[⚡DEADHEAD⚡]

Let's put it this way. Let's say you do nothing and then something happens to your daughter or to someone else. How you gonna feel? There's only one answer here.

 

[Bucky86]

Hire Eminence to beat the kid up.

 

[KCitons]

Hire Eminence to beat the kid up.

Did you read the OP? The kid is a 6th grader. He won't even need the knife.

 

[Hawks64]

Go right to the school management. No other answer here.

This. Not something to f around with especially since the kid has had disciplinary issues in the past that necessitated a no contact ban with another student.

 

[Johnny Rock]

I also have a sixth grade daughter. I'd tell the administration if a kid said he was going to stab her.

Agreed. Four kids here.

 

[AAABatteries]

Go right to the school management. No other answer here.

This. Not something to f around with especially since the kid has had disciplinary issues in the past that necessitated a no contact ban with another student.

 

[chet]

I also have a sixth grade daughter. I'd tell the administration if a kid said he was going to stab her.

Agreed. Four kids here.

Yes. Grade 8 daughter and grade 4 son.

 

[bigbottom]

Went through this with my son when a kid with behavioral issues threatened to kill him. I'd absolutely report it.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Go right to the school management. No other answer here.

This. Not something to f around with especially since the kid has had disciplinary issues in the past that necessitated a no contact ban with another student.

100% agree.

Parent and Middle School Teacher here. THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO TIPTOE AROUND.

Report this ASAP.

 

[Raider Nation]

What if the miscreant was named Jebediah instead of Jaquann?

 

[ghostguy123]

She needs a "goon".

Every kid needs a "goon" to handle this for them.

Bullies are just the worst, and unfortunately handling anything yourself these days gets you in a ton of trouble.

 

[ghostguy123]

But yes, report ASAP

 

[SoylentGreen]

What if the miscreant was named Jebediah instead of Jaquann?

That's why I threw that in there, as a check against possible stereotyping on my part. And I'm a benefit of the doubt kind of guy, especially whent it comes to dumb kids, but this just seemed too threatening, too specific to ignore. But the consensus here is 100% that this should be reported, regardless.

And that's what I did. Vice principal called my daughter in and talked to her today, and then "took appropriate action" against the individual. Then my daughter hears that one of his friends is possibly trying to break into her locker, and that the kid is telling people she got him in trouble. Looks like I'm heading in to the school tomorrow to meet with the administration.

 

[Raider Nation]

What kind of a loser kid picks on a girl, anyway? He deserves everything he gets.

 

[timschochet]

You have to report. Maybe it was a joke, but you can't take any chances.

 

[technicaldifficulties]

Start sleeping with his mother

 

[ghostguy123]

What kind of a loser kid picks on a girl, anyway? He deserves everything he gets.

Theres millions upon millions of them out there. I see them every day.

 

[kutta]

When my daughter was in third grade, two fourth grade boys were picking on her, spitting in her hair and calling her names. I went to school early and had her me point them out to me. I went up to them and calmly told them in no uncertain terms that I would go to their parents and the principal, and if that didn't work they would have to deal with me directly. They were pretty freaked out but they stopped bothering her.

The best part is that she is 19 now and still talks about how I stuck up for her. I'm not sure it was the best way to handle it but I'd do it again.

 

[ghostguy123]

When my daughter was in third grade, two fourth grade boys were picking on her, spitting in her hair and calling her names. I went to school early and had her me point them out to me. I went up to them and calmly told them in no uncertain terms that I would go to their parents and the principal, and if that didn't work they would have to deal with me directly. They were pretty freaked out but they stopped bothering her.

The best part is that she is 19 now and still talks about how I stuck up for her. I'm not sure it was the best way to handle it but I'd do it again.

I think that would work 9 times outta 10.

I an see potential for that to go super sideways though.

Probably same thing I would do (or at least I would hope to be as calm)

 

[cstu]

What if the miscreant was named Jebediah instead of Jaquann?

Not going to #### with that kid - he's probably going to drag with out to a cornfield and sacrifice me.

 

[Spike]

Bring it to the attention of the powers that be at the school. It's this sort of repetitive reporting of the behavior that can/will/should get that other child removed from the school.

ETA: I also like Kutta's approach. Seriously.

 

[Cjw_55106]

I agree with the others. You did the right thing. These stories make me happy that I know almost all of the kids at my daughter's school. Not saying it cant or doesnt happen, but its nice to know that if Billy was being an ###, I already know who Billy is.

 

[James Daulton]

Why does his name matter? If his name was Thurston, you should still report it.

 

[yellowdog]

Report immediately

 

[Cjw_55106]

Why does his name matter? If his name was Thurston, you should still report it.

If it was Thurston Howell VI, you'd hold out for cash in lieu of reporting.

 

[Despyzer]

What if the miscreant was named Jebediah instead of Jaquann?

Hey! No spoilers!

 

[KCitons]

What if the miscreant was named Jebediah instead of Jaquann?

For some reason, when I picture a bully, its never a black kid. Always an oversize, dimwitted white kid. Maybe on his third year in the 6th grade.

Richie Incognito didn't help change that.

 

[Guest]

Your daughter should have asked, "Why would you bring a knife to a gun fight?"

j/k. I agree with the others that it should be reported immediately..

 

[Sinn Fein]

When my daughter was in third grade, two fourth grade boys were picking on her, spitting in her hair and calling her names. I went to school early and had her me point them out to me. I went up to them and calmly told them in no uncertain terms that I would go to their parents and the principal, and if that didn't work they would have to deal with me directly. They were pretty freaked out but they stopped bothering her.

The best part is that she is 19 now and still talks about how I stuck up for her. I'm not sure it was the best way to handle it but I'd do it again.

So your answer to bullying, was to bully the kids?

 

[VA703]

id talk to the kids grandmother and settle it before going to the admin

 

[Jayrok]

Agree with the others.. nothing to fool around with in that situation. For everyone's own good, not just your daughter... Report report report.

 

[Ned]

When my daughter was in third grade, two fourth grade boys were picking on her, spitting in her hair and calling her names. I went to school early and had her me point them out to me. I went up to them and calmly told them in no uncertain terms that I would go to their parents and the principal, and if that didn't work they would have to deal with me directly. They were pretty freaked out but they stopped bothering her.

The best part is that she is 19 now and still talks about how I stuck up for her. I'm not sure it was the best way to handle it but I'd do it again.

Ugh. In today's world, I can see the kid's parents coming after you for threatening their child.

 

[kutta]

When my daughter was in third grade, two fourth grade boys were picking on her, spitting in her hair and calling her names. I went to school early and had her me point them out to me. I went up to them and calmly told them in no uncertain terms that I would go to their parents and the principal, and if that didn't work they would have to deal with me directly. They were pretty freaked out but they stopped bothering her.

The best part is that she is 19 now and still talks about how I stuck up for her. I'm not sure it was the best way to handle it but I'd do it again.

So your answer to bullying, was to bully the kids?

Fight fire with fire

 

[kutta]

When my daughter was in third grade, two fourth grade boys were picking on her, spitting in her hair and calling her names. I went to school early and had her me point them out to me. I went up to them and calmly told them in no uncertain terms that I would go to their parents and the principal, and if that didn't work they would have to deal with me directly. They were pretty freaked out but they stopped bothering her.

The best part is that she is 19 now and still talks about how I stuck up for her. I'm not sure it was the best way to handle it but I'd do it again.

Ugh. In today's world, I can see the kid's parents coming after you for threatening their child.

Agreed. But I actually wouldn't have minded if the parents heard about it. I didn't really threaten the kids, just was pretty firm about them leaving her alone.

 

[jonessed]

Kid sounds like a thug. I would report it.

 

[Lehigh98]

I would go to kid's parents before administration but if I didn't know them or their reaction didn't sit well I'd go to the admin.

No middle schoolers here but 2 former middle schoolers and 2 soon to be middle schoolers.

I wouldn't go to the parents unless I already knew them. Too many parents out there that defend their children no matter what they do/did. Could potentially have the parents go to administration first and complain about your kid or coach the kid before admin asks them what happened.

I'd go right to the administration and in a level-headed manner report the problem and ask how they handle these situations so you know the plan before they react.

 

[KCitons]

Kid sounds like a thug. I would report it to CNN

fixed

 

[Ned]

Have you posted it on Facebook yet?

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

Speak to the principal. Record your meeting, informing him that you are doing so. Make it clear that your daughter's safety and well being are the paramount matter in your life. Let him know that since the State insists your daughter go to school that they have an obligation to protect her. Tell him you hold him or her personally responsible for her welfare and safety while she is in school. Let him know that you will be writing the Superintendent of Schools to summarize your meeting and your expectations. Let him know that you will also be contacting your local P.D. to report the matter and to find out what resources they have to protect your child. Make it clear that copies of the letters and recordings will be sent to your attorney. Tell him this stops now and it stops in no uncertain terms. You demand results, not platitudes. You will expect an update as to what has been done. Your attorney will confirm whatever statements he makes as to what has been done. Be unfailingly polite and well n control of your emotions, but be absolutely clear and resolute.

 

[lombardi]

These issues used to be easier to handle. You would think that contacting the kids parents would be fine and if that didn't work you deal with the school. However, people are so insane now that you're forced to just go right to the school. Some parents just don't care, some have no control over their kid and can't control their behavior, and some defend their little evil prince princess because they can do absolutely nothing wrong. The kids who are the real problems have parents that generally fall into these categories.

We keep seeing new stories about police being called to the school for elementary school kids fighting or sexual assault charges for young kids touching another kid in a playground. It sounds crazy and the immediate reaction is to think it's absurd and over the top. However, if you deal with parents these days you'll realize that it's almost impossible to handle wayward kids because you can't just reason with their parents and expect a reasonable response. Either the parent flips out on you or the behavior doesn't change because the parent is scared of their kid or don't care. It's an almost impossible situation for teachers and also parents whose kids are getting picked on.

Kutta's approach seems reasonable (he didn't physically threaten the kids), but in today's culture I wouldn't be shocked if the police showed up at his door. When I was a kid I handled many of these situations for my younger sisters, it was expected of me as an older brother. If I send my 13yo son down to my daughters 3rd grade class to scare some sense into a kid mistreating her then CPS would show be knocking at my door that afternoon.

I would do exactly what everyone else said. Contact the school. If they handle it too lightly keep contacting them and demand some action. If the school ignores the problem then threaten to involve legal authority.

 

[Mr. Ected]

Your daughter should have asked, "Why would you bring a knife to a gun fight?"

 

[SoylentGreen]

This is our first year in this school/district, so I only know a few of the parents - and not this kid's. At her former school, where she had been from K-5, I probably would have taken that approach because I did know a lot of them. We moved this summer from a very affluent area to one that is much more diverse socioeconomically, with half of the kids speaking a language other than English in the home. The biggest struggle to date for her has been all the group work required with the new Common Core curriculum (don't get me started) where she is always with a few kids that just don't care about school at all, and it's clear the parents don't value it either. But I've felt that's actually not a bad thing for her to have to deal with, as figuring out how to get your work done in non-ideal group dynamics will prepare her for all sorts of things in life.

But threats of violence, even if meant as a joke - that's not something she should have to deal with.

 

[FUBAR]

I also have a sixth grade daughter. I'd tell the administration if a kid said he was going to stab her.

sixth grade son, I'd do the same.

I also have a sixth grade daughter. I'd tell the administration if a kid said he was going to stab her.

Agreed. Four kids here.

us four-kid dads know all

When my daughter was in third grade, two fourth grade boys were picking on her, spitting in her hair and calling her names. I went to school early and had her me point them out to me. I went up to them and calmly told them in no uncertain terms that I would go to their parents and the principal, and if that didn't work they would have to deal with me directly. They were pretty freaked out but they stopped bothering her.

The best part is that she is 19 now and still talks about how I stuck up for her. I'm not sure it was the best way to handle it but I'd do it again.

Ugh. In today's world, I can see the kid's parents coming after you for threatening their child.

Yeah, I'm not threatening kids directly.

I might however, threaten meet with their parents.

 

[kentric]

You should report this. Threats of violence should be reported.