What's your walking around anxiety level? (1 Viewer)

[CurlyNight]

I have large swings.  For a great deal of my life my anxiety is almost zero.  I live as much of a stress free life as possible.  It was one of the driving reasons for retiring early

But if and when I have to enter any sort of social situation (say like a party), everything changes.  I get a feeling of dred that I can't shake for days leading up to the event.

It has gotten worse as I have aged.  I mostly try to make up some excuses to skip on as much as I can but it is getting noticeable. 

Perhaps you can just meet up with those you enjoy from time to time. Most of us as we get older do prefer more intimate gatherings rather than a large gathering. You shouldn't worry about what others may think. Only you can take care of you, and should. 

 

[NewlyRetired]

Perhaps you can just meet up with those you know from time to time. Most of us as we get older do prefer more intimate gatherings rather than a large gathering. You shouldn't worry about what others may think. Only you can take care of you, and should. 

my sadness is that I think I have negatively influenced my daughter who has pretty severe social issues that are going to effect the rest of her life.

 

[matuski]

for my own curiosity

https://www.google.com/search?q=definition+of+anxiety&rlz=1C1GCEA_enUS769US769&oq=definition+of+anxiety&aqs=chrome..69i57.3640j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

anx·i·e·ty

aNGˈzīədē/

noun

a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

"he felt a surge of anxiety"

synonyms:worry, concern, apprehension, apprehensiveness, uneasiness, unease, fearfulness, fear, disquiet, disquietude, inquietude, perturbation, agitation, angst, misgiving, nervousness, nerves, tension, tenseness; More

desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease.

"the housekeeper's eager anxiety to please"

synonyms:eagerness, keenness, desire

"an anxiety to please"

PSYCHIATRY

a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

Unease is a good word, eagerness is a good word for it, disquiet, occasionally agitation.

Nervous.. pretty much never.  I get nervous about making a 6 foot put to win a skin.  This is not at all the feeling I walk around with that I call anxiety.

 

[matuski]

Have you tried any yoga/meditation? 

I have family who deal with this and they always try to find activities to keep their mind busy rather than practicing on calming their mind. I've even read that here, it seems. 

I don't know if you would call it meditation, but I do breathing exercises.

Helps tremendously.  Just take 2 minutes and focus on deep slow breaths - inhale through nose, exhale through mouth.

Yoga?  P90X yoga was the hardest thing I've ever tried in my life. 

 

[CurlyNight]

my sadness is that I think I have negatively influenced my daughter who has pretty severe social issues that are going to effect the rest of her life.

There is no blame with this stuff. When my cousin was in the psych ward there were some with social anxiety as well. They were forced to attend groups and group classes like exercise, yoga and meditation. Maybe both of you can benefit not just from relaxation exercises but a therapist who deals with social anxiety. Not all therapists are the same. Read their cv to see their specialties. Finding the right therapist is like finding the right doc. Takes some shopping around. Support groups are a great source as well. They are typically led by someone who's been in your shoes.

 

[Henry Ford]

i hear this a lot "you just have to listen and be supportive".

there's... not a limit isn't the right way to put it... but i feel like there's only so much assistance one can provide by "listening". there has to be action taken at some point. probably what action is best left to the professionals.

from my personal life, my family went through years and years of battling with mental illness and one person "needing to be heard and supported".  the listening and support became all consuming. it became the ONLY thing. everyone had to "listen and support" this individual who had absolutely no ability to manage on a "normal" level. "listening to" became being controlled and dictated to by a monster... and "supporting" became "a free pass for any behavior".

thankfully, at least it seems, after decades of wildly abhorrent behavior and loss.. therapy taught them some coping techniques, some better ways of dealing with the demons, etc. and lives have settled down but that monster is consistently lurking. no amount of family/friend help, support or assistance (and it was bottomless for decades) was ever going to be enough. it took professionals to even scratch the surface.

Well, yeah.  "Listen and be supportive" is what you can do.  Everything else is on her and her medical professional.  The biggest thing you can realize is that you can't fix this.  

 

[Kraft...]

was on meds. was seeing a therapist.

meds were a mess.. just... bad. for a number of reasons. and she has seen various therapists over the years but never stuck with it. she remembers some of the words & lessons but has a hard time sticking with them because........... anxiety.

Meds took years for my wife to get to her 80% comfortable point. These type of meds take time to build up so if one doesn't work it's discouraging since you've invested so much time. Third Med was the charm for her but even that took time to get the dosage amped up. Hang in there 

 

[mr. furley]

Meds took years for my wife to get to her 80% comfortable point. These type of meds take time to build up so if one doesn't work it's discouraging since you've invested so much time. Third Med was the charm for her but even that took time to get the dosage amped up. Hang in there 

she tried 2 (don't remember the names anymore). they caused issues that made her anxiety worse... lots worse. 

makes her reluctant to try again.

i've found that, for her, saying out loud that there's actually an issue is not an option anymore. there's anxiety about accepting the idea that she has anxiety and may actually need to talk to someone. as she says "i've got a lot better over the years. i used be like a 90 on a scale of 1 - 10 and now i'm like a 60."

err 

 

[CurlyNight]

she tried 2 (don't remember the names anymore). they caused issues that made her anxiety worse... lots worse. 

makes her reluctant to try again.

i've found that, for her, saying out loud that there's actually an issue is not an option anymore. there's anxiety about accepting the idea that she has anxiety and may actually need to talk to someone. as she says "i've got a lot better over the years. i used be like a 90 on a scale of 1 - 10 and now i'm like a 60."

err 

It's exhausting being on that level of anxiety all the time. Maybe she'll crash from exhaustion and she'll ask for help. Until then you take over the important stuff as part of splitting duties up. 

At some point she'll have to decide how she wants the rest of her life to be like.

 

[mr. furley]

It's exhausting being on that level of anxiety all the time. Maybe she'll crash from exhaustion and she'll ask for help. Until then you take over the important stuff as part of splitting duties up. 

At some point she'll have to decide how she wants the rest of her life to be like.

it's a good thing i was raised to be a worker mule as i'm already doing everything except monitoring the monthly bill pay

cooking, cleaning, child rearing, various & sundry life requirements.. 95% mine. 

she has tried to contribute in the past but more often than not.... does not. if i don't, say, do the dishes. they will fester and grow mold in the sink for months.

 

[northern exposure]

Only things I can offer is:

1) Don't try to rationalize or "explain away" the reason for the person's anxiety. My family attended a large annual party at my wife's cousin's house yesterday. There were over a 100 people in their back yard. I was leading the way as my family walked single file down a narrow path to the back yard. My eyes scanned the crowd frantically looking for a friendly, familiar face. Because I could not see one, I started to panic and told my wife and sons that somebody else had to "go first". I had to "fade back" so my wife, my two sons or our dog was the first thing people saw of our group. Years ago when this happened the first time, my wife tried to explain that everybody was friendly at the party (either family or neighbors) and there was no reason to be anxious. This did not help me.

2) Living with someone that has anxiety can be draining. Well meaning people will tell you to be patient, listen and be supportive of those with anxiety. Those are easy words to say for somebody that only deals with an anxious person once in a while. For those people dealing with an anxious person 24/7, it is okay to feel frustrated and annoyed with them at times. If you feel this way all the time, you might benefit from professional help in dealing with the situation. But, the occasional feelings of frustration and annoyance should not make you feel guilty. 

 

[CurlyNight]

it's a good thing i was raised to be a worker mule as i'm already doing everything except monitoring the monthly bill pay

cooking, cleaning, child rearing, various & sundry life requirements.. 95% mine. 

she has tried to contribute in the past but more often than not.... does not. if i don't, say, do the dishes. they will fester and grow mold in the sink for months.

I'd look into counseling for yourself. At some point it's going to be way too much. You get a gold star for being a great spouse but resentment and other negative feelings will eventually set in, if they haven't already. For you and your kids sake, you can't afford to crash.

 

[mr. furley]

I'd look into counseling for yourself. At some point it's going to be way too much. You get a gold star for being a great spouse but resentment and other negative feelings will eventually set in, if they haven't already. For you and your kids sake, you can't afford to crash.

it's a good thing i'm emotionless and cold 

 

[Joe Bryant]

I would liken it to being injected with adrenaline at some random time when you're supposed to act like a prim and proper human being.  When an anxiety attack hits, your fight or flight instincts are in full effect, but you may be sitting down to a five star dinner with your spouse on your first date night in months - probably the best thing someone can do then is ask "what's the best thing I can do to help right now?" and make sure there's enough communication and respect between them to know that the anxious person can say "we have to leave, even if it means paying for this meal and not even getting to take it home" and it'll be okay.




2

Thanks for helping us understand. 

 

[Henry Ford]

it's a good thing i was raised to be a worker mule as i'm already doing everything except monitoring the monthly bill pay

cooking, cleaning, child rearing, various & sundry life requirements.. 95% mine. 

she has tried to contribute in the past but more often than not.... does not. if i don't, say, do the dishes. they will fester and grow mold in the sink for months.

She absolutely needs professional help.  Someone really good.  Probably therapy and psychiatry.  If you’re in one of the states that allows it, I recommend a PsyD with prescription privileges. 

 

[jonessed]

Thanks for helping us understand. 

Henry is exactly right.  If you know someone prone to them simply being available and supportive can make a huge diffference.  

I haven’t had them in ages, but when I struggled with them I would get them in waves, over the course of weeks or months.  For immediate relief just being present, supportive, and patient was huge.

For more long-term relief taking daily stressors off my plate allowed me to break out of that trapped feeling and get back on track.  Doing some shopping for me, helping clean house, picking up the kids, etc.  If it’s something only I could do just being present while I was doing it would often be a big help.

It doesn’t take much.  Even if you don’t know someone well you can make a huge difference by simply being empathetic and available.

Anyone that suffers from panic attacks needs counseling to break the cycle.  It’s not something that can be overcome with just willpower.  They need access to a toolbox they likely don’t have.

 

[Henry Ford]

Thanks for helping us understand. 

Sure, I’m not sure how helpful I’m being. 

My anxiety is fairly under control these days, but you’ll notice almost every one of my posts is edited.  I always find a typo or think of a better word or realize I said something that might be taken a way other than I meant it, and I edit.  Sometimes 5-6 times on a single post within five minutes. It’s nutty. 

 

[Henry Ford]

Henry is exactly right.  If you know someone prone to them simply being available and supportive can make a huge diffference.  

I haven’t had them in ages, but when I struggled with them I would get them in waves, over the course of weeks or months.  For immediate relief just being present, supportive, and patient was huge.

For more long-term relief taking daily stressors off my plate allowed me to break out of that trapped feeling and get back on track.  Doing some shopping for me, helping clean house, picking up the kids, etc.  If it’s something only I could do just being present while I was doing it would often be a big help.

It doesn’t take much.  Even if you don’t know someone well you can make a huge difference by simply being empathetic and available.

Yeah. Perspective and patience may even be useless during the attack, but so helpful afterwards when the waves of shame and guilt hit for messing things up. 

 

[jonessed]

Sure, I’m not sure how helpful I’m being. 

My anxiety is fairly under control these days, but you’ll notice almost every one of my posts is edited.  I always find a typo or think of a better word or realize I said something that might be taken a way other than I meant it, and I edit.  Sometimes 5-6 times on a single post within five minutes. It’s nutty. 

?

I do the same thing.

Trying to express myself just right.  So much nuance that largely gets overlooked.  We are all individuals, but we get categorized fairly quickly.  Kind of sucks.

 

[mr. furley]

when your plan backfires

 

[thayman]

I don't know if you would call it meditation, but I do breathing exercises.

Helps tremendously.  Just take 2 minutes and focus on deep slow breaths - inhale through nose, exhale through mouth.

Yoga?  P90X yoga was the hardest thing I've ever tried in my life. 

Try blowing bubbles.  My wife has anxiety and picked that up from my nephew, who has panic attacks multiple times a day.  When she feels an episode coming on she'll just sit on the back deck and blow big bubbles for 10-15 minutes.  Really helps center her and she can just focus on a bubble, not freaking out over trying to control her breathing.

 

[belljr]

I had my first and only panic/anxiety attack a few months back.

Out of the blue.  Was just sleeping and woke up in full panic mode.   Uncontrollable.

I've cut back on my caffeine and that seems to help

 

[need2know]

I had my first and only panic/anxiety attack a few months back.

Out of the blue.  Was just sleeping and woke up in full panic mode.   Uncontrollable.

I've cut back on my caffeine and that seems to help

Caffeine, lack of sleep, alcohol, and a bunch of other things can add to it.  

You kinda have to figure out out what's triggers it for you.  Been battling it for years off and on and the list above seems to be the main things that get me.

 

[matuski]

i'll put it like this with a personal anecdote

my wife has trouble making plans. the act of making plans causes her tremendous anxiety. how can she make plans when she has so many other things to take care of instead? how can she take care of these other things if she's busy doing something else? but which task to tackle first in order to be able to comfortably make plans? there's no way to prioritize because there are so many.. there are so many because there are too many.. tackling one, means ignoring another... and now she's totally overwhelmed by anxiety... and cannot function.

so she shuts down and needs to "rest" her mind. which results in her spending time thinking about how she can prioritize these insurmountable tasks, so that she can comfortably make plans to do something she enjoys... which leaves her feeling like she can never, ever escape this sense of failure she has for never being able to take care of...... life's daily tasks/chores/grind.

i've, stupidly, tried to help with plans/decision making when she expresses concern about inability to prioritize urgent tasks. i'm supposed to listen and be supportive.. i know.. but that doesn't lead to her feeling better and accomplishing the task at hand.

so i've tried, in spots, reminding her of tasks she expressed need be done.. that only she can do... .which leads to her saying that i'm telling her what to do.. and nobody tells her what to do.

if i say nothing, and something urgent goes by the board, she gets upset that i didn't tell her in advance.

so either i remind her and/or try to help and get in trouble for "telling her what to do", or i say nothing and get in trouble for not being helpful. 

and if she doesn't say anything to me so that i have no decision to make... she will ignore the task/plan, etc. and feel horrible anxiety, guilt and regret for having not acted.

i know it's all her anxiety reacting and that she's trying to fight it but that's also making it worse. she knows she's not in control of her mind, that it's making things worse and she feels terrible about it but she has not found an effective way to cope/fight it/understand it... and i've yet to find a way to help/do better from my end.

I get caught in these loops.  But I seem to knock everything out last second.. which goes back to somehow doing my best work under pressure.

It keeps working out so I procrastinate and let the external world tell me when it is time to step up (reports due, customer deadlines, meetings, industry events, my wife told me to do the laundry before she got home, etc).  While I procrastinate my anxiety builds, the more my anxiety builds the better I focus in crunch time. Round and round.

I first noticed it in High School.  Then college.  I got a college degree studying for tests the hours before, writing papers the morning of, not doing homework or attending class if the syllabus told me I could still get an A without it.

It is weird but I deal with it.

 

[matuski]

I have a new direct report and I had to basically lay it out for him.  He doesn't get why I get everything back to him when it is due... like RIGHT when it is due.   

Him:  Matt your expense report is due end of day.

Me:  Yes.

Him:  Everyone else has done it.

Me: Got it.

Him: That is 45 minutes from now.

Me:  Right.

Him: You are working on it?

Me:  No.  Not yet. 

Him:  ..... 

 

[mr. furley]

you do realize that procrastinating is making your anxiety worse, right?

 

[Nick Vermeil]

i'll put it like this with a personal anecdote

my wife has trouble making plans. the act of making plans causes her tremendous anxiety. how can she make plans when she has so many other things to take care of instead? how can she take care of these other things if she's busy doing something else? but which task to tackle first in order to be able to comfortably make plans? there's no way to prioritize because there are so many.. there are so many because there are too many.. tackling one, means ignoring another... and now she's totally overwhelmed by anxiety... and cannot function.

so she shuts down and needs to "rest" her mind. which results in her spending time thinking about how she can prioritize these insurmountable tasks, so that she can comfortably make plans to do something she enjoys... which leaves her feeling like she can never, ever escape this sense of failure she has for never being able to take care of...... life's daily tasks/chores/grind.

i've, stupidly, tried to help with plans/decision making when she expresses concern about inability to prioritize urgent tasks. i'm supposed to listen and be supportive.. i know.. but that doesn't lead to her feeling better and accomplishing the task at hand.

so i've tried, in spots, reminding her of tasks she expressed need be done.. that only she can do... .which leads to her saying that i'm telling her what to do.. and nobody tells her what to do.

if i say nothing, and something urgent goes by the board, she gets upset that i didn't tell her in advance.

so either i remind her and/or try to help and get in trouble for "telling her what to do", or i say nothing and get in trouble for not being helpful. 

and if she doesn't say anything to me so that i have no decision to make... she will ignore the task/plan, etc. and feel horrible anxiety, guilt and regret for having not acted.

i know it's all her anxiety reacting and that she's trying to fight it but that's also making it worse. she knows she's not in control of her mind, that it's making things worse and she feels terrible about it but she has not found an effective way to cope/fight it/understand it... and i've yet to find a way to help/do better from my end.

Whoa. It’s like reading in a mirror. I’m in the same boat but one time when were arguing about this exact thing I made it far worse by suggesting she “needed to be medicated.”  Boy did that go over well. 

She knows she has anxiety issues and exercises to try and deal. It has helped a lot and she is a smoking hot mom of two. But I worry about her. Most of her anxiety is about our kids and it upsets her that I don’t worry as much about them.  News stories of the day upset her greatly and add to the anxiety. The border separations and the attack in Idaho (where my family still lives) have really set her back. 

Day by day. That’s the current approach. 

 

[mr. furley]

we were supposed to have left for vacation 2 hours ago

car still isn't packed

we're at least an hour out. got a 6 hour drive ahead with two kids and a wife who "gets car sick" and "falls asleep" when she drives.

who am i kidding, we're 2 hours out and with all the stopping it's going to be an 8+ hour drive.

 

[urbanhack]

you do realize that procrastinating is making your anxiety worse, right?

it's self sabotage...that puts you right back into feeling this way.  

 

[urbanhack]

we were supposed to have left for vacation 2 hours ago

car still isn't packed

we're at least an hour out. got a 6 hour drive ahead with two kids and a wife who "gets car sick" and "falls asleep" when she drives.

who am i kidding, we're 2 hours out and with all the stopping it's going to be an 8+ hour drive.

jesus take the wheel

 

[grateful zed]

i cant concentrate if i dont have weed. :(

 

[[icon]]

Unless I am in a time crunch and need to get a lot done, I usually don't have any anxiety. Voted 1 on an average day.

This is me

 

[nirad3]

medicated - 5 or 6

unmedicated - depends, anywhere from a 7 to a 10   :(

I think I've improved the baseline levels... medicated I'm good, maybe a 3ish.

Unmedicated though I'm still 5-6ish, with random bouts of "10's".

What's weird is it just comes out of nowhere.  Typically in the afternoon, and almost always while sitting at my desk at work.  Maybe the environment/timing have a lot to do with it.

 

[mr. furley]

jesus take the wheel

turns out i nailed the timeline 

we got there a little after midnight :deadbanana: 

 

[mr. furley]

not me. i'm a solid 1-2 on a daily basis. the only things that give me anxiety are heights and the thought that i might never actually meet @AhrnCityPahnder in person to dole out a Koko B Ware bird buster.

A BIRD BUSTER, DALE

 

[urbanhack]

turns out i nailed the timeline 

we got there a little after midnight :deadbanana: 

AWESOME 

 

[PIK95]

  I have been at a seven at minimum for the couple of years.  I hit a ten day at least once a week.  I will surely die from a heart attack.  I'm stressed already and it's 7am!

  The one think that used to calm me down and bring me joy on a daily basis was taken away from us unfortunately.  

 

[eoMMan]

  I have been at a seven at minimum for the couple of years.  I hit a ten day at least once a week.  I will surely die from a heart attack.  I'm stressed already and it's 7am!

  The one think that used to calm me down and bring me joy on a daily basis was taken away from us unfortunately.  

Take 5 minutes....breathe....watch the video below...

Link

Namaste

 

[nirad3]

I think I've improved the baseline levels... medicated I'm good, maybe a 3ish.

Unmedicated though I'm still 5-6ish, with random bouts of "10's".

What's weird is it just comes out of nowhere.  Typically in the afternoon, and almost always while sitting at my desk at work.  Maybe the environment/timing have a lot to do with it.

Ugh.  Hadn't needed anything to calm the nerves since the middle of November.

Had a nasty case of stomach flu (or may have been food poisoning) so was off my daily anxiety meds for a full day.  Not sure if that was enough for the crazy anxiety levels to burst through or if it was just a realization that I'd be back at work today, but had to pop a pill yesterday.  Was just laying in bed dreading having to come in to work.

And sure enough today when I get to work it's the same deal, had to pop another.  Am about 1/10 of the way through my emails that accrued since I was off since the 24th.  :(

Waiting for that sucker to kick in.

 

[AAABatteries]

  I have been at a seven at minimum for the couple of years.  I hit a ten day at least once a week.  I will surely die from a heart attack.  I'm stressed already and it's 7am!

  The one think that used to calm me down and bring me joy on a daily basis was taken away from us unfortunately.  

@PIK95  - I don't want to speculate on what you mean here but I just read this and saw your note about not coming around any more.  I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope whatever it is you are going through you will come out on the other end stronger and better for it.  If you feel so compelled please let us know how we can help.

 

[PIK95]

@PIK95  - I don't want to speculate on what you mean here but I just read this and saw your note about not coming around any more.  I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope whatever it is you are going through you will come out on the other end stronger and better for it.  If you feel so compelled please let us know how we can help.

I don't want thoughts or prayers.  I want Yoga Pants.  Thanks for the kind words though.

 

[roadkill1292]

Changing dramatically in recent weeks. Getting higher by the day.

 

[wikkidpissah]

Changing dramatically in recent weeks. Getting higher by the day.

Is it them or you?

 

[nirad3]

Going to Vegas on Wednesday.  Went last year for the opening weekend of March Madness and spent most of the time huddled up into a ball either in bed or on the couch.  Drank wayyyy too much the first night and thought it was just a hangover, but I'm pretty confident it was a mix of the booze and anxiety meds.  I'm on different meds now and think I should be OK, but I'm starting to panic a little bit just thinking about how horrible it was last year.  

I went up to Big Bear (a mountain resort) with a couple of buddies this past Saturday and did OK; the next morning was zero hangover.  

Anxiety sucks man.  Sucks.

 

[roadkill1292]

Is it them or you?

Must have been me. It has noticeably subsided recently with no discernible changes in my environment. 

 

[nirad3]

medicated - 5 or 6

unmedicated - depends, anywhere from a 7 to a 10   :(

Having a rough couple days.  Work stress is the absolute worst.

 

[urbanhack]

trending down...

 

[mr. furley]

Having a rough couple days.  Work stress is the absolute worst.

time for a couple days off?

any opportunities to delegate?

 

[nirad3]

time for a couple days off?

any opportunities to delegate?

I feel like I might need to take a couple sick days. 

No opportunities to delegate, no.

 

[mr. furley]

I feel like I might need to take a couple sick days. 

No opportunities to delegate, no.

sick days are mental health days, too

i know in America people like to brag about never taking them.. but #### all that.. take time when you need a break. don't wait until you collapse to check out for rest.