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Wife uses sex as a weapon (1 Viewer)

if a man or woman is holding up his/her end of the bargain in a relationship they should not have to go without sex...
If a man is holding up his end of the bargain he wouldn't have to go without sex.
so you're not buying the whole meds can kill your sex drive thing...?
Not really but I wouldn't deny that they can increase the coefficient of friction.
a guy could be dad of the year, Joe Homemaker, and Peter North in the sack but wife loses her sex drive because of medication and it is still his fault no sexy time....right on
 
if a man or woman is holding up his/her end of the bargain in a relationship they should not have to go without sex...
If a man is holding up his end of the bargain he wouldn't have to go without sex.
so you're not buying the whole meds can kill your sex drive thing...?
Sure it can, esp some anti-depression meds. Did Bateman say his wife is on meds?
Is it all over when she puts on the gray sweatpants? :rolleyes:
Nope. I put my sweats on to be comfortable and then take them off for the secks.
 
if a man or woman is holding up his/her end of the bargain in a relationship they should not have to go without sex...
If a man is holding up his end of the bargain he wouldn't have to go without sex.
so you're not buying the whole meds can kill your sex drive thing...?
Not really but I wouldn't deny that they can increase the coefficient of friction.
a guy could be dad of the year, Joe Homemaker, and Peter North in the sack but wife loses her sex drive because of medication and it is still his fault no sexy time....right on
Unless you are talking about chemical castration I think that guy will be just fine.Even then I think she would throw him the occasional Old Fashioned just for being such a sport.
 
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I think you are missing the point. I believe the point is... what does sex have to do with chores?
It's not about chores it's about feeling appreciated and not feeling like an afterthought until he gets horny.
:goodposting:
I agree this is a good posting...but would also say there may be some cases, like OP, where a man does all of the right things (appreciated/wife not an afterthought, etc) but he still ain't gettin to hit it....which would then probably lead back to psycho wifes breakdown...
 
I think you are missing the point. I believe the point is... what does sex have to do with chores?
It's not about chores it's about feeling appreciated and not feeling like an afterthought until he gets horny.
:goodposting:
I agree this is a good posting...but would also say there may be some cases, like OP, where a man does all of the right things (appreciated/wife not an afterthought, etc) but he still ain't gettin to hit it....which would then probably lead back to psycho wifes breakdown...
Agreed. That or she just isn't interested in him anymore and it is time for a divorce. These things are really complicated and there are so many factors.
 
I think you are missing the point. I believe the point is... what does sex have to do with chores?
It's not about chores it's about feeling appreciated and not feeling like an afterthought until he gets horny.
:goodposting:
I agree this is a good posting...but would also say there may be some cases, like OP, where a man does all of the right things (appreciated/wife not an afterthought, etc) but he still ain't gettin to hit it....which would then probably lead back to psycho wifes breakdown...
I certainly can't discount the possibility that her libido is entirely dead.I need to point out that we have no way of knowing if the bolded is true.

Patrick Bateman seems like a good guy from my perspective but that opinion is based on incomplete information.

 
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Here's a test. Buy her something really expensive. I'll bet she ####s you right then and there when you give it to her. Nothing makes women more horney then $$$.

 
Replying to Goggins is going to get you absolutely nowhere, folks. Just let him rant in peace.
You should practice what you preach.
The only replies I give you is to tell you to go away.You're like the twenty year old who was #####whipped by his high-school girlfriend for 4 years, and finally got out of the relationship. Instead of taking a step back, he goes to the opposite extreme and becomes a bitter misogynist. You just don't get that there's a middle ground yet.You will. In the meantime, you're hurting any sort of rational discussion in these threads. I realize it's not fishing. It's really how you interact with the world. You'll get over it - but it just pisses all over threads in here right now.
As usual, you're completely wrong.
 
Here's a test. Buy her something really expensive. I'll bet she ####s you right then and there when you give it to her. Nothing makes women more horney then $$$.
Or it could be that he's showing her some appreciation? Buy her some simple roses and I am sure you can have a similar affect.
 
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
Those are all excuses for women to not have sex. Funny but single mothers who mostly raise their kids full time, have to do all the chores, etc. suddenly get a HIGH sex drive?
Yeah because single moms are known to be freaks in bed? How about they don't have to deal with a lot of baggage from being married, pregnant, etc. But hey, I know your opinion, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault.
Never said it's always the woman's fault just that these are lame excuses. Most single mother's have to take on 100% of the children, chores, work to pay the bills, etc. and still want to be intimate with someone. If anyone has a legit excuse it's them but funny that's never the case in my experience.
 
Replying to Goggins is going to get you absolutely nowhere, folks. Just let him rant in peace.
You should practice what you preach.
The only replies I give you is to tell you to go away.You're like the twenty year old who was #####whipped by his high-school girlfriend for 4 years, and finally got out of the relationship. Instead of taking a step back, he goes to the opposite extreme and becomes a bitter misogynist. You just don't get that there's a middle ground yet.You will. In the meantime, you're hurting any sort of rational discussion in these threads. I realize it's not fishing. It's really how you interact with the world. You'll get over it - but it just pisses all over threads in here right now.
As usual, you're completely wrong.
You posts often read with more than a hint of misogyny. You may not intend that but it sometimes comes across like that way.
 
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.

Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
Those are all excuses for women to not have sex. Funny but single mothers who mostly raise their kids full time, have to do all the chores, etc. suddenly get a HIGH sex drive?
Yeah because single moms are known to be freaks in bed? How about they don't have to deal with a lot of baggage from being married, pregnant, etc. But hey, I know your opinion, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault.
My wife has told me that she just doesn't have a sex drive anymore. She's sorry about it, but there it is. I told her, I'm not so sure: I thought that if I got hit by a bus, and (after the appropriate mourning period) she started dating again, she'd be plenty interested in sex.She said, "Of course I would. It would be new and exiting."

And that really was all the answer I needed. It wasn't that she's not interested in sex. It's not that she's too tired or that being pregnant was tough or that it was hard to be interested after having the kids all day. No, it's that she's just not interested in sex with me, because it isn't exciting.

And I get that. I don't blame her. She's not the 29 year old hottie that I started dating. I know how it is. But she still excites me and I love her, so I want to have sex with her, and she still wants to have sex with me, just less often than I do. And yeah it sucks, but there it is. Life is a kick to the nuts.
:goodposting: I would commend her for at least being honest with you instead of the bs "I'm too tired" excuse.

I am fairly sure that most men who get married know there's a huge chance that the sex will significantly decline down the road.

 
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
Those are all excuses for women to not have sex. Funny but single mothers who mostly raise their kids full time, have to do all the chores, etc. suddenly get a HIGH sex drive?
Yeah because single moms are known to be freaks in bed? How about they don't have to deal with a lot of baggage from being married, pregnant, etc. But hey, I know your opinion, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault.
Never said it's always the woman's fault just that these are lame excuses. Most single mother's have to take on 100% of the children, chores, work to pay the bills, etc. and still want to be intimate with someone. If anyone has a legit excuse it's them but funny that's never the case in my experience.
Really? So when you are dating these single moms, are you nice to them. Do you show them affection? Do you listen to them? Do you help them around the house occasionally? I'm guessing yes.
 
It could also be one of the following:

1. You're small.

2. You're not giving it to her right.

3. Combo of the above.

Think about. If you really give it to her good, she's going to fiend for it all the time. Has she had any o's with you before?

Just my 2 cents.
OH SNAP!
 
Here's a test. Buy her something really expensive. I'll bet she ####s you right then and there when you give it to her. Nothing makes women more horney then $$$.
to a certain extent this is accurate....financial situtions are one of the biggest stressors in most relationships and most likely a correlation exists between currrent financial situation and the amount of action one gets....for those living paycheck to paycheck and gas at $4 but slaries staying the same....having to worry about affording groceries and cutting corners everywhere can leave one not in the mood....if the wife is the one handling bills, etc, this is probably a huge factor....
 
Replying to Goggins is going to get you absolutely nowhere, folks. Just let him rant in peace.
You should practice what you preach.
The only replies I give you is to tell you to go away.You're like the twenty year old who was #####whipped by his high-school girlfriend for 4 years, and finally got out of the relationship. Instead of taking a step back, he goes to the opposite extreme and becomes a bitter misogynist. You just don't get that there's a middle ground yet.You will. In the meantime, you're hurting any sort of rational discussion in these threads. I realize it's not fishing. It's really how you interact with the world. You'll get over it - but it just pisses all over threads in here right now.
As usual, you're completely wrong.
You posts often read with more than a hint of misogyny. You may not intend that but it sometimes comes across like that way.
I don't care for women who use sex as a weapon or can't be honest with their husbands. Sue me.There's a lot of women I like and love to be with but no, I don't care for women who can't be honest and lie to their significant other or take them for granted.
 
Here's a test. Buy her something really expensive. I'll bet she ####s you right then and there when you give it to her. Nothing makes women more horney then $$.
to a certain extent this is accurate....financial situtions are one of the biggest stressors in most relationships and most likely a correlation exists between currrent financial situation and the amount of action one gets....for those living paycheck to paycheck and gas at $4 but slaries staying the same....having to worry about affording groceries and cutting corners everywhere can leave one not in the mood....if the wife is the one handling bills, etc, this is probably a huge factor....
I remember a story on NPR that mentioned money as the #1 factor in divorce.
 
Doesn't seem like she's using it as a weapon since there's nothing you can do to get it.Have sex with someone else. Your needs are met and she doesn't have to deal with it.
Sadly, I feel like it has come to this. I don't get it, but many women in there 30's seem to lose their sex drive.
Do you have kids? How much is she working? How much do you do around the house? How much personal attention are you paying to her?
Those are all excuses for women to not have sex. Funny but single mothers who mostly raise their kids full time, have to do all the chores, etc. suddenly get a HIGH sex drive?
Yeah because single moms are known to be freaks in bed? How about they don't have to deal with a lot of baggage from being married, pregnant, etc. But hey, I know your opinion, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault.
Never said it's always the woman's fault just that these are lame excuses. Most single mother's have to take on 100% of the children, chores, work to pay the bills, etc. and still want to be intimate with someone. If anyone has a legit excuse it's them but funny that's never the case in my experience.
Really? So when you are dating these single moms, are you nice to them. Do you show them affection? Do you listen to them? Do you help them around the house occasionally? I'm guessing yes.
No, I treat them like garbage. Of course I treat them nice. Face it the majority of times men are the ones who think sex should stay similar to when they dated their wives. Doesn't have to be as frequent but not the reduction it tends to become. If the husband doesn't treat his wife well then fine but this and in many cases that's not the issue. Many women get the husband, get the kids, get the house and then just get sloppy. They won the prize so why bother? There's tons of books written about sex being a major issue in marriage so lets not all pretend it's because she's tired or has a headache. At least be honest.Ironically it seems like the husbands who do very little for their wives usually seem to be the happiest in the bedroom. Perhaps as a man if you do way too much you become viewed as some cowed person, less of a man.
 
Replying to Goggins is going to get you absolutely nowhere, folks. Just let him rant in peace.
You should practice what you preach.
The only replies I give you is to tell you to go away.You're like the twenty year old who was #####whipped by his high-school girlfriend for 4 years, and finally got out of the relationship. Instead of taking a step back, he goes to the opposite extreme and becomes a bitter misogynist. You just don't get that there's a middle ground yet.You will. In the meantime, you're hurting any sort of rational discussion in these threads. I realize it's not fishing. It's really how you interact with the world. You'll get over it - but it just pisses all over threads in here right now.
As usual, you're completely wrong.
You posts often read with more than a hint of misogyny. You may not intend that but it sometimes comes across like that way.
I don't care for women who use sex as a weapon or can't be honest with their husbands. Sue me.There's a lot of women I like and love to be with but no, I don't care for women who can't be honest and lie to their significant other or take them for granted.
That's nice, I am just letting you know that your posts often read more like:
I don't care for women
 
Here's a test. Buy her something really expensive. I'll bet she ####s you right then and there when you give it to her. Nothing makes women more horney then $$.
to a certain extent this is accurate....financial situtions are one of the biggest stressors in most relationships and most likely a correlation exists between currrent financial situation and the amount of action one gets....for those living paycheck to paycheck and gas at $4 but slaries staying the same....having to worry about affording groceries and cutting corners everywhere can leave one not in the mood....if the wife is the one handling bills, etc, this is probably a huge factor....
I remember a story on NPR that mentioned money as the #1 factor in divorce.
TONS of poor people seem to stick together.It's selfishness in my opinion. It's "what's in it for me / I can be happier" mentality that's infected a lot of people. It's the self entitlement issues. Lots of great people get divorced because their spouse never appreciated what they have and how great they are treated. Like a spoiled child that never has enough.
 
'renesauz said:
If she's healthy, and still doesn't want sex, there's a pretty good chance that SHE'S having an affair. (Certainly not proof, as there are many other possibilities, but a good chance.)If you let her know that this may threaten your marriage, and she's still ambivalent about it, than the odds increase.
Rene,I think you are underseling the Paxil. i don't believe he should be worried about an affair, she's home everynight from everything he is posting. I think the drug is having a major impact.
You could be right, and likely are. Doesn't change the fact that a cheating woman sometimes stops wanting it from her hubby.I presented it as a distinct possibility, not a probability.
 
No, I treat them like garbage. Of course I treat them nice. Face it the majority of times men are the ones who think sex should stay similar to when they dated their wives. Doesn't have to be as frequent but not the reduction it tends to become. If the husband doesn't treat his wife well then fine but this and in many cases that's not the issue. Many women get the husband, get the kids, get the house and then just get sloppy. They won the prize so why bother? There's tons of books written about sex being a major issue in marriage so lets not all pretend it's because she's tired or has a headache. At least be honest.Ironically it seems like the husbands who do very little for their wives usually seem to be the happiest in the bedroom. Perhaps as a man if you do way too much you become viewed as some cowed person, less of a man.
I think you are missing my point, which is that you are showing them the appreciation they are feel they are missing in marriage.On the second point, we'll just have to agree to disagree.
 
To the OP I would try this for a week:

1. Make her dinner / breakfast

2. Take her out to a movie, just the two of you

3. Take her out to eat

4. Do something fun perhaps something you two did during the time you dated

5. Tend to her needs..does she want a backrub? Does she want some alone time and you take the kids?

6. Do not instigate trying to have sex with her. Kiss her and unless she progresses further just leave it to kissing.

If by the end of the week or so she still does not show any affection for you, you've got some major decisions to make such as:

1. Divorce

2. Find something on the side (in essence at that point she is doing the same thing) and stay with her

I don't see any problem after the few weeks to have a serious discussion with her about your needs and how this really separates you two from just being roommates and that you want to only be intimate with her. That's really the only thing that separates you two from any other type of relationship. If she says no then say then you will find that intimacy outside your marriage.

 
if a woman wants to get a point across often the first "go to move" is withholding sex.....probably cause other stratagies/hints haven't worked on their knuckle head husband.....it's not fair necessarily but it's the ultimate trump card....

women know they can get it pretty much anytime they want to.....the smart man/husband realizes and accepts this instead of fighting it....

kind of a "Mike and Molly" thing to use the TV show as an example.....even though neither of them are going to win any swimsuit contests......if Molly wants to go out and get laid 365 days a year, she'll be able to do it......Mike not so much....

 
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No, I treat them like garbage. Of course I treat them nice. Face it the majority of times men are the ones who think sex should stay similar to when they dated their wives. Doesn't have to be as frequent but not the reduction it tends to become. If the husband doesn't treat his wife well then fine but this and in many cases that's not the issue. Many women get the husband, get the kids, get the house and then just get sloppy. They won the prize so why bother? There's tons of books written about sex being a major issue in marriage so lets not all pretend it's because she's tired or has a headache. At least be honest.Ironically it seems like the husbands who do very little for their wives usually seem to be the happiest in the bedroom. Perhaps as a man if you do way too much you become viewed as some cowed person, less of a man.
I think you are missing my point, which is that you are showing them the appreciation they are feel they are missing in marriage.On the second point, we'll just have to agree to disagree.
I can only go by my experiences and my friends experiences where we all treated our SO very well, way and beyond the norm so that plays very little into it. The few people I know though who do very little (pretty much works and that's it) though have no issues with having sex with their wives.I think doing way too much can backfire on you in the long run.
 
No, I treat them like garbage. Of course I treat them nice. Face it the majority of times men are the ones who think sex should stay similar to when they dated their wives. Doesn't have to be as frequent but not the reduction it tends to become. If the husband doesn't treat his wife well then fine but this and in many cases that's not the issue. Many women get the husband, get the kids, get the house and then just get sloppy. They won the prize so why bother? There's tons of books written about sex being a major issue in marriage so lets not all pretend it's because she's tired or has a headache. At least be honest.Ironically it seems like the husbands who do very little for their wives usually seem to be the happiest in the bedroom. Perhaps as a man if you do way too much you become viewed as some cowed person, less of a man.
I think you are missing my point, which is that you are showing them the appreciation they are feel they are missing in marriage.On the second point, we'll just have to agree to disagree.
I can only go by my experiences and my friends experiences where we all treated our SO very well, way and beyond the norm so that plays very little into it. The few people I know though who do very little (pretty much works and that's it) though have no issues with having sex with their wives.I think doing way too much can backfire on you in the long run.
Maybe it's also the type of women these types of guys marry? But in those cases, you're right and it's on the wives. I go into these threads to try to give a female perspective on these issues.
 
To the OP I would try this for a week:1. Make her dinner / breakfast 2. Take her out to a movie, just the two of you3. Take her out to eat4. Do something fun perhaps something you two did during the time you dated5. Tend to her needs..does she want a backrub? Does she want some alone time and you take the kids?6. Do not instigate trying to have sex with her. Kiss her and unless she progresses further just leave it to kissing.If by the end of the week or so she still does not show any affection for you, you've got some major decisions to make such as:1. Divorce2. Find something on the side (in essence at that point she is doing the same thing) and stay with herI don't see any problem after the few weeks to have a serious discussion with her about your needs and how this really separates you two from just being roommates and that you want to only be intimate with her. That's really the only thing that separates you two from any other type of relationship. If she says no then say then you will find that intimacy outside your marriage.
Wow for, like, a whole week? Well if that doesn't fix her, nothing will.
 
if a man or woman is holding up his/her end of the bargain in a relationship they should not have to go without sex...
If a man is holding up his end of the bargain he wouldn't have to go without sex.
so you're not buying the whole meds can kill your sex drive thing...?
Sure it can, esp some anti-depression meds. Did Bateman say his wife is on meds?
Is it all over when she puts on the gray sweatpants? :rolleyes:
Nope. I put my sweats on to be comfortable and then take them off for the secks.
Yeah he did and she is getting treatment for anxiety.
 
if a man or woman is holding up his/her end of the bargain in a relationship they should not have to go without sex...
If a man is holding up his end of the bargain he wouldn't have to go without sex.
so you're not buying the whole meds can kill your sex drive thing...?
Sure it can, esp some anti-depression meds. Did Bateman say his wife is on meds?
Is it all over when she puts on the gray sweatpants? :rolleyes:
Nope. I put my sweats on to be comfortable and then take them off for the secks.
Yeah he did and she is getting treatment for anxiety.
I'm sure that is the biggest factor. There maybe nothing to do but change meds.
 
I am fairly sure that most men who get married know there's a huge chance that the sex will significantly decline down the road.
i've yet to meet a guy who told me the sex went up after marriage :shrug:
It went up for us after marriage cuz we didnt live together before we were married. Five yrs later we had a kid and it went down.
If I had to aggregate my friends experiences.Pre-engagement - awesomeEngagement - awesomeMarriage - awesome in the first yearMarriage II - starting to waneMarriage with kids - terribleUmmm....nomarriage.com anyone?
 
I am fairly sure that most men who get married know there's a huge chance that the sex will significantly decline down the road.
i've yet to meet a guy who told me the sex went up after marriage :shrug:
I've heard about that guy.
:faroffgaze::crushescigaretteunderfoot::walksaway:
What? I've heard of a Yeti too.
my reaction was more of a thoughtful sigh
 
I am fairly sure that most men who get married know there's a huge chance that the sex will significantly decline down the road.
i've yet to meet a guy who told me the sex went up after marriage :shrug:
It went up for us after marriage cuz we didnt live together before we were married. Five yrs later we had a kid and it went down.
If I had to aggregate my friends experiences.Pre-engagement - awesomeEngagement - awesomeMarriage - awesome in the first yearMarriage II - starting to waneMarriage with kids - terribleUmmm....nomarriage.com anyone?
Not sure why you need the website. Most states have laws to prevent you from making this mistake.
 
We've discussed it before, even recently, and she claims that she has just lost interest in sex. From the research that I've done, it's not uncommon for women to experience this at all. It's wearing on me to no end though. I don't think a healthy marriage can survive without sex.

 

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