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Woman with a black eye - what do you do? (1 Viewer)

Rather long story sorry in advance.  Growing up in a abusive home it was a common occurrence to have our mother struck by my father(and us for that matter).  When I was old enough(big) to take on my father the abuse stopped.  I said at a very young age that i would offer my help if need be.

Fast forward a few years and a woman i work with had been going through a divorce for a while, and the husband wouldn't sign the papers cause she supported him.  He would come over to her place beat and rape her.  Cops wouldn't do anything cause his dad use to be on the force.  So she started coming In to work with bruises and black eye.  I offered my services to help her out by beating up her hubby and she refused.  Finally she got tired of calling the crooked cops and asked for my help.

I went to her place and just sat on the couch, cause she knew when he would be coming.  He gets there kicks in the door to find me sitting on the couch.  He saying how he's going to kill me blah, blah, blah.  So I let him have the first three punches so it would be on video and that I wasn't the instigator.  Then I took him down and pounded him until the wife felt bad for him.  Then I restrained him until the cops came.  Needless to say this was a mistake cause she never told me about the corrupt cops.  Even with the evidence they let him go, then they said if it was either of them(cops), they  would have put a bullet in me.  As the cops were talking to me and her, the #### keys my car.  Of which once again the police said i deserved it and wouldn't let me file a report.

The good thing is he finally stopped beating and raping her.  Also she was happy too pay for my car to be fixed.  About a month or two later she shows up to my door in a long trench coat, i open the door up and she's naked.  She says" she never thanked me properly".  I was just stunned she closed  up her coat and says that "this was a big mistake" as she started to turn away from me.  I grabbed her by the hand pulled her too me then gave her a long kiss, and then I invited her in.  Three years later I married her.

 
i see no reason that you cant simply say ''ouch...that looks so painful...are you ok? when she says yes you simply ask how it happened ...whats the worst thing that could come of it ?

 
bucksoh said:
Rather long story sorry in advance.  Growing up in a abusive home it was a common occurrence to have our mother struck by my father(and us for that matter).  When I was old enough(big) to take on my father the abuse stopped.  I said at a very young age that i would offer my help if need be.

Fast forward a few years and a woman i work with had been going through a divorce for a while, and the husband wouldn't sign the papers cause she supported him.  He would come over to her place beat and rape her.  Cops wouldn't do anything cause his dad use to be on the force.  So she started coming In to work with bruises and black eye.  I offered my services to help her out by beating up her hubby and she refused.  Finally she got tired of calling the crooked cops and asked for my help.

I went to her place and just sat on the couch, cause she knew when he would be coming.  He gets there kicks in the door to find me sitting on the couch.  He saying how he's going to kill me blah, blah, blah.  So I let him have the first three punches so it would be on video and that I wasn't the instigator.  Then I took him down and pounded him until the wife felt bad for him.  Then I restrained him until the cops came.  Needless to say this was a mistake cause she never told me about the corrupt cops.  Even with the evidence they let him go, then they said if it was either of them(cops), they  would have put a bullet in me.  As the cops were talking to me and her, the #### keys my car.  Of which once again the police said i deserved it and wouldn't let me file a report.

The good thing is he finally stopped beating and raping her.  Also she was happy too pay for my car to be fixed.  About a month or two later she shows up to my door in a long trench coat, i open the door up and she's naked.  She says" she never thanked me properly".  I was just stunned she closed  up her coat and says that "this was a big mistake" as she started to turn away from me.  I grabbed her by the hand pulled her too me then gave her a long kiss, and then I invited her in.  Three years later I married her.
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/thread

 
comfortably numb said:
This could easily be one of those things where you think you are doing good and it can turn into you being a nosey insensitive doosh.

Most men want to be the hero but the reality is most victims want to hide and die. 

For example. 

All these woman coming out and make it known they were molested at Mich St. We are all saying how BRAVE they are. So, they mustered up the courage to come out and deal with it. So say in this case the woman mustered up the energy to go out and work cause she needs the money to pay bills BUT hasn't mustered up the energy to talk about and deal with it....but some doosh all the sudden feels HE wants to MAKE you deal with it at THIS moment WHILE you are WORKING. 

So, I don't mean to imply you are a doosh for wanting to do something.  I'm saying you can make this woman feel like you are violating her all over again (if she was abused) just because YOU feel like you think you should do something at that very moment. 
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I totally get it and it's probably why I did nothing.  But I didn't feel good about it.  

 
Judge Smails said:
We’ve all seen it. I was at a team dinner this past week and our server, a petite Asian lady in her 30’s, had the whole right side of her face basically purple. Black eye but it went higher and down into her cheek. She carried on with the dinner service as if it wasn’t there. 

Now, she could have fallen down on the ice outside, hit a tree while skiing, had some sort of freak accident etc but, right or wrong, I jump to thinking she’s been beaten.  Bad. No amount of makeup could cover this  

The politically correct thing might be to mind your own business and say nothing. But I felt sick to my stomach. Don’t know if her employer said/did anything. It could be an accident and if you assume abuse that makes her more uncomfortable than she already is. 

I did nothing. Felt like I should have asked her if she’s OK and could I help? Offer her domestic abuse hotline info? I dunno. I just know not doing anything felt very wrong. 

Any protocol here? What would you do?
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What would you do if a man had a huge face bruise?

 
Mile High said:
I know when I fall I put my hands behind my back so I can fall on my face.
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Funnily enough, this happened to me.  I was running, and I tripped over the sidewalk and fell.  (Awesome athletic skill on display here).  I've fallen multiple times before (again, awesome athletic skill on display) and ####ed up my hands on the concrete as a result. So this time, as I'm falling, I thought "Why not just land on your chest instead?  You'll shred your shirt, but who cares you've got a bunch of shirts."  Instead, I landed chin-first on the sidewalk.  That sort of sucked.  I was all bloody and still have a scar.  The scar is kind of cool, but I have to make up a better story for how I got it.  

That doesn't help our domestically-violenced Asian lady, but I thought I'd share.  

 
Dr. Octopus said:
He actually did mention it could be those things. Honestly though if I saw anyone - woman or man - with a black-eye my first assumption would be that they were punched in the  face.
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That seems odd to me.  Perhaps I generally just don’t assume the worst.

 
jonessed said:
That seems odd to me.  Perhaps I generally just don’t assume the worst.
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It’s pretty hard to get a black eye from most falling accidents. 

Now a football/baseball/basketball to the face may be a high % as well. 

But id guess a punch. 

 
mr roboto said:
It’s pretty hard to get a black eye from most falling accidents. 

Now a football/baseball/basketball to the face may be a high % as well. 

But id guess a punch. 
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I’ve had quite a few.  Almost all from sports.  An elbow, a racquetball, someone’s head.  A few from falling as well, but not from the ground.  Slipped on some spilled water once and a chair back caught me high on the cheekbone as I fell.  Looked like a black eye.

I’ve probably had half a dozen and never from someone intentionally hitting me.

Edit:  When I was a kid we used to have water balloon fights.  I pegged a friend once right on the bridge of the nose.  He ended up with two black eyes.  The skin around the eyes is thin and there are a lot of blood vessels there.  It doesn’t take much to bruise.

 
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jonessed said:
I’ve had quite a few.  Almost all from sports.  An elbow, a racquetball, someone’s head.  A few from falling as well, but not from the ground.  Slipped on some spilled water once and a chair back caught me high on the cheekbone as I fell.  Looked like a black eye.

I’ve probably had half a dozen and never from someone intentionally hitting me.
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Huh. I’ve never had one at all. 

I get your point but once someone is beyond the peak sports playing years (ie out of college, into the workforce/married/kids) I would still guess the highest % of black eyes come from another person trying to hurt them in some way. 

 
mr roboto said:
Huh. I’ve never had one at all. 

I get your point but once someone is beyond the peak sports playing years (ie out of college, into the workforce/married/kids) I would still guess the highest % of black eyes come from another person trying to hurt them in some way. 
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I wouldn’t.  I still play sports, wrestle around with my kids, and fall on occasion. 

Probably not many statistics on highest causes of black eyes though.  Maybe I will see if I can find some.

Edit:  Nothing I can find that differentiates the source of the blow.  Interesting that even a minor impact to anywhere on the forehead, cheekbone, or nose can cause a black eye.  

 
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I’m at the ER now with my 5 year old, she has two black eyes.   May have broken her nose via a trampoline accident.   

Im getting some mean looks 

 
Wrigley said:
I’m at the ER now with my 5 year old, she has two black eyes.   May have broken her nose via a trampoline accident.   

Im getting some mean looks 
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Yeah good luck. You may get a visit from someone from CPS who calls herself a ‘family wellness advocate’. Happened when I brought my 2 year old daughter in with a broken arm. 

 
Judge Smails said:
We’ve all seen it. I was at a team dinner this past week and our server, a petite Asian lady in her 30’s, had the whole right side of her face basically purple. Black eye but it went higher and down into her cheek. She carried on with the dinner service as if it wasn’t there. 

Now, she could have fallen down on the ice outside, hit a tree while skiing, had some sort of freak accident etc but, right or wrong, I jump to thinking she’s been beaten.  Bad. No amount of makeup could cover this  

The politically correct thing might be to mind your own business and say nothing. But I felt sick to my stomach. Don’t know if her employer said/did anything. It could be an accident and if you assume abuse that makes her more uncomfortable than she already is. 

I did nothing. Felt like I should have asked her if she’s OK and could I help? Offer her domestic abuse hotline info? I dunno. I just know not doing anything felt very wrong. 

Any protocol here? What would you do?
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out of curiosity, why is that the politiclly correct thing to do? and count my vote as never seeing this before either and i live in a heavily populated area

ETA: and i think your offer to ask her if she is ok and if you can help is prob the best bet. You aren't prying into her business, but letting her know if she wants she can ask for help. sucks if she says yes and you get pulled into something, but i think that is hiow you avoid feeling sick afterward

 
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jonessed said:
That seems odd to me.  Perhaps I generally just don’t assume the worst.
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There’s just not a lot of ways to get a black eye realistically. It’s not that I want to “assume the worst, it’s just the reality. 

ETA: I see you covered this but most women aren’t playing contact sports and most men likely aren’t either after a certain age. I don’t know I don’t feel I’m assuming the worst - it just seems like a natural reaction and what most would think when they see a black eye.

 I find it odd that you paint it that way, so I guess we’re even.

 
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I guess, ultimately, it all depends on how far you are willing to carry it. You gonna see it through or pass the buck at your first opportunity?

 
I've had a few black eyes, none from a punch. I get the point, but it's sad we've become so jaded as a society. Even worse that we feel it's necessary. Sad times.

 
Ive stepped in a couple of different times when i have seen guys hitting women...1 was a friend of mine hitting his GF...the problem is even if you stop it that one time ,the women 90% of the time either get mad at the guy stepping in ...or stay with the jackwagon who hits them...so all im saying is ,sometimes stepping in doesn'tnt help a lick 

 
Chaka said:
I guess, ultimately, it all depends on how far you are willing to carry it. You gonna see it through or pass the buck at your first opportunity?
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Yeah. If your white knighting has a limit to something outside of your comfort zone, you're best to stay out.

When I lived in WV, a couple my wife and I knew had a DV incident, only it was the wife that went to jail. I was the one who had to front her bail money. I took her to lunch after she was released, my wife and I let her stay at our house until the court date and then went with her to the proceedings. Thankfully, everything turned out well; they're still married and have matured tremendously and had 3 more kids to add to the 2 they had before this. 

 
Wrigley said:
I’m at the ER now with my 5 year old, she has two black eyes.   May have broken her nose via a trampoline accident.   

Im getting some mean looks 
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5 year old only goes to school TWT 

so of course I received a call from the school nurse today giving me the 5th degree 

So you’ve got a trampoline in the basement?  Your daughter says it’s a big trampoline?  

“Well, yeah it’s big to her, she’s 5”

 
Wrigley said:
5 year old only goes to school TWT 

so of course I received a call from the school nurse today giving me the 5th degree 

So you’ve got a trampoline in the basement?  Your daughter says it’s a big trampoline?  

“Well, yeah it’s big to her, she’s 5”
Click to expand...
Tell her to mind her own ####### business or she'll be looking the same

 
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