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Would you let your son or daughter pursue acting or music? (1 Viewer)

Two different choices. Id be OK with either as a hobby. Id probably discourage acting as a career unless I truly believed they had what it takes to make it. Gotta think its a very low percentage that have a successful career in acting. Id probably be more encouraging of a music career. Lots more opportunities, I would think.

 
It's great to pursue an arts degree if you don't mind possibly going back to get a Master's in something a little more practical down the road if things don't quite work out. 

68% of this country has no degree, something is better than nothing and it's a base for life. I would encourage your son/daughter to pursue their dreams. 

 
My daughter wants a career in dance.  To accommodate her dream we have her taking 30 hours of instruction per week, and performing on a competition team.  This is incredibly costly.  In addition, to make that time available she is home schooled on a state sponsored program, meaning my wife is not able to work as she stays home to teach.  The financial sacrifice is substantial.

I have explained to my daughter that her dream is impractical, but one she should pursue nevertheless.  I have told her to pursue it as if she did not have a backup plan.  The only way to potentially realize a one in a million dream is to commit, against all odds and reason.

Now all of that said I have agreed to only make this commitment with her if she maintains straight A's in her schooling.  Currently she has done so.  She is working 2 grade levels ahead, in the advanced placement classes for that grade. 

I figure the pursuit of excellence is never wasted.  If she does not obtain her dream she can easily go to college given her accomplishments, get a dual or triple degree in dance, teaching and or physical therapy, and business and open a dance therapy or dance training studio.  She can have a life in the arts, even if she does not end up performing.

I nurture her hard work and dreams.  It is a lucky person who finds their passion.  Few truly do.  I trust that the passion will carry her to success and happiness, even if ultimately down unexpected or dreamt of pathways.

 
If you want to really hurt you parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. 

 
Ditkaless Wonders said:
My daughter wants a career in dance.  To accommodate her dream we have her taking 30 hours of instruction per week, and performing on a competition team.  This is incredibly costly.  
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My sister was in this same boat when I was growing up.  She did not make it to the professional level, but it's not impossible.  One of her classmates finished 3rd on a season of So You Think You Can Dance? and has been on-and-off-Broadway for a number of years now.  Another dancer from her studio, a few years younger than her, was on Glee for two seasons and is now on the TV show Quantico, apparently (I didn't know this until right now).  It's hardly superstardom and they're not household names, but they're doing what they love.

Even if it doesn't work out, it sounds like you're training her well for the future.  I wish her luck.

 
Steve Tasker said:
My sister was in this same boat when I was growing up.  She did not make it to the professional level, but it's not impossible.  One of her classmates finished 3rd on a season of So You Think You Can Dance? and has been on-and-off-Broadway for a number of years now.  Another dancer from her studio, a few years younger than her, was on Glee for two seasons and is now on the TV show Quantico, apparently (I didn't know this until right now).  It's hardly superstardom and they're not household names, but they're doing what they love.

Even if it doesn't work out, it sounds like you're training her well for the future.  I wish her luck.
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Thanks for the positive karma.

 
One of my boys likes sports, the other likes the arts.  He has been involved with drama camps and is now taking music lessons.  He wants to learn to play the drums and piano.  I'll support him no matter what he wants, same with his brother.  My goal is to help them find what they enjoy and excel at so they can be involved and grow doing what they like.  I don't mind if its sports or the arts, as long as they enjoy what they are doing.

 
My youngest son is a percussionist and his passion has cost us over $13K so far and I wouldn't trade the experiences for the world.  He won't chase the dream of super-stardom (we would support it, but he wants to be a pilot), but he is talented enough that he could get some side gigs as an instructor of he wants.

 
I'd absolutely encourage it if they truly loved the craft and had both the passion and dedication to give their life to art.

That said, need to be honest about this - my father is a (retired) professional musician and teacher so he is all too well aware of how competitive it is for more traditional "jobs" if it's more classical or structured music in nature - and the other side is doing it your own way, with a band or what not, another whole different lifestyle.

The one common cord is almost none get rich, very few can even sustain a decent standard of living through art itself - so be ready to be some combination of poor, waiter, teacher or whatnot. 

 
Ignoramus said:
Is this a trick question?
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There should probably be more to this question. Would I pay $200,000 for him to go to school just for acting and finance him living in California for 4 years to give a it a go? Absolutely not. 

Would I support a well thought out plan and him choosing a career that could potentially not be the most economically successful? Of course, if it makes him happy. 

 
parasaurolophus said:
There should probably be more to this question. Would I pay $200,000 for him to go to school just for acting and finance him living in California for 4 years to give a it a go? Absolutely not. 

Would I support a well thought out plan and him choosing a career that could potentially not be the most economically successful? Of course, if it makes him happy. 
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I would agree with this.  I definitely want my daughter to try to find and pursue her passion, but I would also want to discuss some of the practicalities and expectations.

That said, I also think that when you are young is definitely the time to experiment before you have responsibilities (and the world crushes your dreams).

 
My brothers son is  Jr in HS and is involved in drama.  For a while they were thinking going to Performing Arts College, he does ok for grades but he isn't really focusing on college now and my brother now has him focused now on doing stand up comedy.  

Not sure what the thinking is as it seems he's setting the kid up to fail and fail badly.  I mean isn't stand-up something you do on the side?   Quite frankly I think my brother is delusional and is living vicariously thru his kid but what happens when the kid is in his late 20s and has no work experience and no college degree?

I'm all for following your dreams but what about setting a kid up to fail when they reallize the odds are not in their favor?  Who picks up the pieces?

 
elguapo07 said:
My brothers son is  Jr in HS and is involved in drama.  For a while they were thinking going to Performing Arts College, he does ok for grades but he isn't really focusing on college now and my brother now has him focused now on doing stand up comedy.  

Not sure what the thinking is as it seems he's setting the kid up to fail and fail badly.  I mean isn't stand-up something you do on the side?   Quite frankly I think my brother is delusional and is living vicariously thru his kid but what happens when the kid is in his late 20s and has no work experience and no college degree?

I'm all for following your dreams but what about setting a kid up to fail when they reallize the odds are not in their favor?  Who picks up the pieces?
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The ability to stand up in front of people and entertain them is under-rated skill - kid could be a Republican nominee for President someday!

 
There are one million grains of rice in three 20 pound bags, give or take.  I once bought three such bags, dumped them out in our three car garage, spread them out, marked the bottom side of one with a blue magic marker, placed it in the mess while she was not looking, and welcomed her to find it.  I wanted her to have some frame of reference to grasp a million to one shot.

 
I encourage it.  Both take piano lessons and both, particularly, my youngest son Dylan likes to be in plays.  Dylan also wants to learn to play guitar and drums.  I don't expect them to be famous but these are good skills to have. 

 
cstu said:
The ability to stand up in front of people and entertain them is under-rated skill - kid could be a Republican nominee for President someday!
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We have hired a guy who was/is an improv actor for speaking engagements two times to do communications and teamwork training.

 
elguapo07 said:
My brothers son is  Jr in HS and is involved in drama.  For a while they were thinking going to Performing Arts College, he does ok for grades but he isn't really focusing on college now and my brother now has him focused now on doing stand up comedy.  

Not sure what the thinking is as it seems he's setting the kid up to fail and fail badly.  I mean isn't stand-up something you do on the side?   Quite frankly I think my brother is delusional and is living vicariously thru his kid but what happens when the kid is in his late 20s and has no work experience and no college degree?
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Get a degree and work experience at that point?  How much of a difference would 6 will a few years make, especially at a low-risk time in one's life?  I don't disagree with trying to provide some perspective, but I don't think it's nearly as dire as some people make it seem.  What if someone finds their passion and becomes a success and loves what they do.  The odds are low, but the reward is higher, so that trade off should also be taken into account.

 
“Gentlemen, we will chase perfection, and we will chase it relentlessly, knowing all the while we can never attain it. But along the way, we shall catch excellence.”

- V. Lombardi

 
Ditkaless Wonders said:
There are one million grains of rice in three 20 pound bags, give or take.  I once bought three such bags, dumped them out in our three car garage, spread them out, marked the bottom side of one with a blue magic marker, placed it in the mess while she was not looking, and welcomed her to find it.  I wanted her to have some frame of reference to grasp a million to one shot.
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Or as my daughter put it.... "Dad I know this is like looking for a needle in a haystack in the middle of the ocean" but music is going to be my life and I want to try and make a career out of it.

What was I supposed to say? Except work hard and go for it. Never give up your dream.

 
My youngest D is a senior this year and will be majoring in theatre . She's passionate about every aspect and won an award for stage design in the state HS competition 

Two conditions we set are that it's going to be a state school and she has to minor in something . 

One school gave her a $30000 a year award but the full price was 60k :lmao:  . Criminal 

 
If my son wanted to pursue a career in music, I'd support it. I'd probably go so far as to help finance it (studio time, tour expenses, etc.). But two things would have to be readily apparent for this to be a consideration: (1) he would have to display an all-consuming fixation and commitment to the career; and (2) he would have to demonstrate potential for achieving offdee 10 level talent.

As someone who spent a lot of time in the school of music at my state university, it was shocking how positively mediocre a whole bunch of kids pursuing vocal performance careers were.

 
bigbottom said:
If my son wanted to pursue a career in music, I'd support it. I'd probably go so far as to help finance it (studio time, tour expenses, etc.). But two things would have to be readily apparent for this to be a consideration: (1) he would have to display an all-consuming fixation and commitment to the career; and (2) he would have to demonstrate potential for achieving offdee 10 level talent.

As someone who spent a lot of time in the school of music at my state university, it was shocking how positively mediocre a whole bunch of kids pursuing vocal performance careers were.
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Yep. Guy i work with has a vocal degree in music from a top school. Hes now a nurse with an extra 100 grand in debt. He sings all the time. He actually kinda sucks. Ok but nothing special.

 
Ditkaless Wonders said:
My daughter wants a career in dance.  To accommodate her dream we have her taking 30 hours of instruction per week, and performing on a competition team.  This is incredibly costly.  In addition, to make that time available she is home schooled on a state sponsored program, meaning my wife is not able to work as she stays home to teach.  The financial sacrifice is substantial.

I have explained to my daughter that her dream is impractical, but one she should pursue nevertheless.  I have told her to pursue it as if she did not have a backup plan.  The only way to potentially realize a one in a million dream is to commit, against all odds and reason.

Now all of that said I have agreed to only make this commitment with her if she maintains straight A's in her schooling.  Currently she has done so.  She is working 2 grade levels ahead, in the advanced placement classes for that grade. 

I figure the pursuit of excellence is never wasted.  If she does not obtain her dream she can easily go to college given her accomplishments, get a dual or triple degree in dance, teaching and or physical therapy, and business and open a dance therapy or dance training studio.  She can have a life in the arts, even if she does not end up performing.

I nurture her hard work and dreams.  It is a lucky person who finds their passion.  Few truly do.  I trust that the passion will carry her to success and happiness, even if ultimately down unexpected or dreamt of pathways.
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I see lots of people liked this post, but I see a big problem with it. It's all well and good if you can afford to give this to your daughter, if you're in a position where you can potentially support her through her 20's.

Not everybody can. It's not so much an unwillingness as a simple impossibility financially. IN that vein, I would have to have a serious heart to heart with my kid, and encourage something different, and more practical.

 
renesauz said:
I see lots of people liked this post, but I see a big problem with it. It's all well and good if you can afford to give this to your daughter, if you're in a position where you can potentially support her through her 20's.

Not everybody can. It's not so much an unwillingness as a simple impossibility financially. IN that vein, I would have to have a serious heart to heart with my kid, and encourage something different, and more practical.
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The financial commitment is substantial and it certainly impacts our lives, as does the time commitment.  Her dancing means weekends and vacations are devoted most singularly to what she is doing.  The choice is not for everybody, nor, as you have suggested, even practically possible for some since at some point it is nothing more than a simple math equation, the numbers have to balance.  To make it all work I drive a 16 year old truck, wear clothes from Sam's club, and I do odd jobs on weekends.  For instance to finance a competition trip in June only my wife will be going for the 7 day trip with her to save money.  I will be taking that seven days off to paint a neighbor's house to make the financials work.  House painting was how I funded college and law school.    Not a lot of lawyers my age spend their vacation doing labor, but it is a choice I make.

Between paying for her dance and for the care of my older brother who is in a full time care facility there is not a whole lot of "me time", but that will change someday.  In the meantime I do not view what I do so much as a choice or a sacrifice, I feel compelled to do what I do to live with myself.  Given my psychological makeup I could not do otherwise. I do manage from time to time to squeeze in some time to practice Aikido and to kayak, so its not as if I never find time for diversion.

 
If they want to then sure. But the only thing that I would insist on would be that they have a plan B.

Growing up in the heart of the entertainment capital of the world- I knew a lot of people who wanted to pursue and did/are pursuing careers in music and acting etc. Some of them actually working in the industry but most on the fringes trying to make it. Even those on the fringes some of them have a good amount of talent but talent really is secondary to having a good career in these fields. It is more about knowing the right people and being in the right place at the right time. The vast majority of them scrape and scratch their way through continuing to follow their dream/passion or have a partner who basically supports them as they continue to try to follow their dreams.

One of my best friends did it the right way I think. He tried to make it in the music industry. In the meantime, he got his bachelors degree at a good school. He gave himself a set time (a few years) to focus on it and try to make it happen but if it didn't then he would go to law school. The years past by with him barely being able to survive while renting a small room from a house of a bunch of other young kids- he went to law school came out and now makes very good money being a lawyer. He tried. He has no regrets.

 
Heard tonight from my wife that my GB's stepdaughter won a singing contest that had hundreds of kids in it.  Trying to find out more.  Her mom has a great voice and dad plays in a band.  Plus her mom is sexy as hell.  Kind of hate my GB.

 
Chadstroma said:
One of my best friends did it the right way I think. He tried to make it in the music industry. In the meantime, he got his bachelors degree at a good school. He gave himself a set time (a few years) to focus on it and try to make it happen but if it didn't then he would go to law school. The years past by with him barely being able to survive while renting a small room from a house of a bunch of other young kids- he went to law school came out and now makes very good money being a lawyer. He tried. He has no regrets.
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This makes sense.  It's a practical, sensible and realistic way to pursue your dreams.  But I would imagine that many people who have found success as a performer would assert that this is a good way to pursue your dreams, but not a good way to achieve them. Having a plan B is no doubt a good idea, but it does undermine somewhat the seemingly all consuming focus needed to survive the gauntlet of rejection and disappointment as you try to claw your way to a career. You do it because you have to. There is nothing else. There's nothing rational or reasonable about pursuing a million to one shot with no safety net, but that seems to be the mindset of those I know who have achieved success. And giving yourself a set amount of time to "make it" feels like setting yourself up for failure. Dreamers don't give themselves deadlines. 

Sincerely,

A non-dreamer

 
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Unless my kid showed early on that they were extraordinarily talented, I would discourage it.  It feels like playing the lottery to me.  Kids can always do this kind of thing as a hobby without making it the pursuit of their adult livelihood.  

 
bigbottom said:
This makes sense.  It's a practical, sensible and realistic way to pursue your dreams.  But I would imagine that many people who have found success as a performer would assert that this is a good way to pursue your dreams, but not a good way to achieve them. Having a plan B is no doubt a good idea, but it does undermine somewhat the seemingly all consuming focus needed to survive the gauntlet of rejection and disappointment as you try to claw your way to a career. You do it because you have to. There is nothing else. There's nothing rational or reasonable about pursuing a million to one shot with no safety net, but that seems to be the mindset of those I know who have achieved success. And giving yourself a set amount of time to "make it" feels like setting yourself up for failure. Dreamers don't give themselves deadlines. 

Sincerely,

A non-dreamer
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I get what you are saying.

I guess his definition of make it was pretty liberal though. It basically amounted to being able to make a living from it that did not require him to eat Top Ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner with the occasional splurge of a beer.

In music, I think there are basically four levels of existence. 1) Top- the top of the top that everyone knows your name (or band name at least) and your songs are on the radio, etc. 2) Working musicians- those who regularly are working in the music industry but you don't know their names. Studio musicians basically. 3) Barely existing musicians- they may have a steady gig that pays minimally and are always looking for that break or have past that point and continue to exist meagerly. 4) The rest- getting paid, even meagerly, is a dream to them.

 
bigbottom said:
This makes sense.  It's a practical, sensible and realistic way to pursue your dreams.  But I would imagine that many people who have found success as a performer would assert that this is a good way to pursue your dreams, but not a good way to achieve them. Having a plan B is no doubt a good idea, but it does undermine somewhat the seemingly all consuming focus needed to survive the gauntlet of rejection and disappointment as you try to claw your way to a career. You do it because you have to. There is nothing else. There's nothing rational or reasonable about pursuing a million to one shot with no safety net, but that seems to be the mindset of those I know who have achieved success. And giving yourself a set amount of time to "make it" feels like setting yourself up for failure. Dreamers don't give themselves deadlines. 

Sincerely,

A non-dreamer
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My boss at my old job is a lifelong French Horn player.  For years he played the backup chair - I can't remember what it was called - for the local philharmonic while working a day job.  The word came that the first chair - again I don't know if i'm using these terms correctly - was retiring or moving out of town or something.  He would be staying on for the next six or so months and then the philharmonic will have to find a replacement.

My boss quit his job on very good terms and devoted the next six months to the instrument.  All day rigorous training.  Unpaid, only making money when he would play as a fill-in with the philharmonic in his current backup role.  Then came the audition, and he once again just missed the cut.  A backup again.  He employer let him have his job back, and he continues to play the backup on nights when the lead isn't available/is sick/whatever.  He told me it was the saddest day of his life when he found out that he missed out, again, but that he needed to do it.  He needed to drop everything and do it to see if he could make it....says he never would've been able to live with himself if he didn't really give it a go.

 
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Steve Tasker said:
My boss at my old job is a lifelong French Horn player.  For years he played the backup chair - I can't remember what it was called - for the local philharmonic while working a day job.  The word came that the first chair - again I don't know if i'm using these terms correctly - was retiring or moving out of town or something.  He would be staying on for the next six or so months and then the philharmonic will have to find a replacement.

My boss quit his job on very good terms and devoted the next six months to the instrument.  All day rigorous training.  Unpaid, only making money when he would play as a fill-in with the philharmonic in his current backup role.  Then came the audition, and he once again just missed the cut.  A backup again.  He employer let him have his job back, and he continues to play the backup on nights when the lead isn't available/is sick/whatever.  He told me it was the saddest day of his life when he found out that he missed out, again, but that he needed to do it.  He needed to drop everything and do it to see if he could make it....says he never would've been able to live with himself if he didn't really give it a go.
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I thought 2nd chair was the ranking of those playing not that they are a backup (on the bench). Admittedly, I have no idea what I am talking about though.

 
Steve Tasker said:
My boss at my old job is a lifelong French Horn player.  For years he played the backup chair - I can't remember what it was called - for the local philharmonic while working a day job.  The word came that the first chair - again I don't know if i'm using these terms correctly - was retiring or moving out of town or something.  He would be staying on for the next six or so months and then the philharmonic will have to find a replacement.

My boss quit his job on very good terms and devoted the next six months to the instrument.  All day rigorous training.  Unpaid, only making money when he would play as a fill-in with the philharmonic in his current backup role.  Then came the audition, and he once again just missed the cut.  A backup again.  He employer let him have his job back, and he continues to play the backup on nights when the lead isn't available/is sick/whatever.  He told me it was the saddest day of his life when he found out that he missed out, again, but that he needed to do it.  He needed to drop everything and do it to see if he could make it....says he never would've been able to live with himself if he didn't really give it a go.
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Imagine the crazy amount of tail he would have pulled had he got the gig. Philharmonic French horn groupies are hotter than anybody, and freaky, that doesn't even begin to describe it.

 
Chadstroma said:
I thought 2nd chair was the ranking of those playing not that they are a backup (on the bench). Admittedly, I have no idea what I am talking about though.
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I can't remember how many horn players they had.  However many they had (let's say 2), he was the first alternate.  If that makes sense.

 
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