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Youth and Multiple Sports- Navigating the Waters (1 Viewer)

Nothing going on today. No practice or games for any of the kids. I had to text that to my wife like three times because she didn't understand. It went like....

Her: What is the schedule tonight?

Me: Nothing going on.

Her: For (Daughter)?

Me: Nope. Nothing at all today.

Her: For (Middle Son)?

Me: Nothing for anyone. No practices or games.

Her: For any of them? Amazing.

Now, Sat will be a long day. Middle son has a swim meet so... 7am to about 12. Youngest son has a basketball like clinic thing for little kids which I will help out with like 2pm. Then my daughter has a basketball game like at 4.
 
My son has made a couple of comments about not doing swim 'next year'. I am not sure if he means next season, actual next year or the fall/winter. He seemed confused about what it meant too and before I was able to get full clarity something came up to end the conversation.

I have always said that I will not force my kids to do any sport but I do encourage, guide, push etc to a point. I do temperature checks every so often on how they enjoy sports and their favorite etc. Swim is on the tail end of his favorite sports. Football is his favorite, soccer after that and then basketball and swim are tied with baseball out of the top 5 (he doesn't play baseball).

I think the problem with swim is that he rather sit around playing Fortnite than going to practice. To me, that isn't an acceptable reason to not do something you like doing. If he didn't like swimming, fine, not a problem, you don't do it. But stopping doing something you like because it requires work is something that is a dangerous slippery slope and a bad life lesson. At the same time, I don't to push him into doing something he doesn't want to do.

He had a great football season and there is no doubt in my mind that two huge factors to him doing so well beyond his natural physical/athletic attributes were being in swim last season in which it built up his strength, stamina and speed/quickness and then the couple of weeks of football camps he was in the summer. I started to bring that up to tie swim to football for him but that was about when the conversation got sidetracked with other stuff.

I am going to dig into it more but wanted to get feedback/perspective from others on this.

As a case study of this, my daughter... This last summer, my daughter really did not want to do some basketball camps. She favors volleyball (at least she use to) and really was only interested in basketball camps that her friends were in. I felt she needed to go beyond her comfort zone in that and didn't really give her a choice. She did them, enjoyed them and they made a huge difference in her play this last season. She enjoys basketball much more now and was basically the best player on her team (B Team) and I think she is more open to doing things like that again without the comfort level of her friends. On the other hand, I thought she could do very well in swimming. I wanted really wanted her to try it but she didn't want to so I didn't make her.

I think there is a balancing act here. Making your kids do things at times but not forcing them to do things.... if they makes sense. I guess the why behind it is important like their motives to do or not do something.... and if it is something they like but they are being lazy or in a comfort zone, I push hard against that. How much encouragement/pushing etc good and healthy and how much is too much. Thoughts?
 
I think there is a balancing act here. Making your kids do things at times but not forcing them to do things.... if they makes sense. I guess the why behind it is important like their motives to do or not do something.... and if it is something they like but they are being lazy or in a comfort zone, I push hard against that. How much encouragement/pushing etc good and healthy and how much is too much. Thoughts?
There is a balancing act for sure. Could this be a situation where he is busy year round and wants a break from an organized thing and since swimming is low man on the totem pole he wants to dump that? Also, I forget how old he is but I am guessing around 12-ish? At that point these decisions should mainly be his with you describing the pros and cons of his decisions so he can make an informed decision.

I think age is a big factor on how much to "push". The older they get pushing becomes a problem because they will rebel and it will be miserable for everyone. Bottom line is communication and figuring out the motives, pros, and cons of the decisions and trying to allow your kid to make his own choices while being able to tell you the reasons behind his choices.
 
I think there is a balancing act here. Making your kids do things at times but not forcing them to do things.... if they makes sense. I guess the why behind it is important like their motives to do or not do something.... and if it is something they like but they are being lazy or in a comfort zone, I push hard against that. How much encouragement/pushing etc good and healthy and how much is too much. Thoughts?
There is a balancing act for sure. Could this be a situation where he is busy year round and wants a break from an organized thing and since swimming is low man on the totem pole he wants to dump that? Also, I forget how old he is but I am guessing around 12-ish? At that point these decisions should mainly be his with you describing the pros and cons of his decisions so he can make an informed decision.

I think age is a big factor on how much to "push". The older they get pushing becomes a problem because they will rebel and it will be miserable for everyone. Bottom line is communication and figuring out the motives, pros, and cons of the decisions and trying to allow your kid to make his own choices while being able to tell you the reasons behind his choices.
He is 9.

I think the biggest factor is wanting to come home and go play Fortnite and not have to leave. I watch most of his practices and he enjoys himself a lot. Smiling, laughing, having fun even at practice. he enjoys swimming and he enjoys competition. He has this lazy streak in him though that he doesn't want to actually do it until he is doing it.

I think my feel is the same as you... the older they get the more I let them decide for themselves.

My daughter is in vball.... her school vball is starting and she is doing club vball for the first time. The club has different levels the lowest being 'Academy' and then the next is travel. My daughter first said she just wanted to do academy and I said ok. Then she changed her mind and I said ok. The only one you can choose it he academy and you need to make the other teams. We found out she made the travel team so I asked her what she wanted to do. Academy is 3 months and travel is 6. Obviously more involved. So, last night asked her which she wanted to do. I told her it was up to her but what she committed to, she commits to. She moaned about it being so long but she has nothing after her school vball ends which will be about 3-4 months but decided on the travel.

It is up to my kids about what sports they play or don't play. I don't push my daughter as much as she hasn't been as competitive (though she kind of found some competitiveness in her this year in basketball as she improved greatly). My son wants to play in the NFL but clearly does not grasp how hard that is and what he will need to do to have a slimmer of a change of a hope to even come close to that yet. So, I do encourage him a little more to work harder as he has some natural ability and some aspirations.

If he doesn't want to swim... ok, fine. But heck no if it is to get more sitting around time watching youtube or playing Fortnite.
 
If he doesn't want to swim... ok, fine. But heck no if it is to get more sitting around time watching youtube or playing Fortnite.
I don't mind some of this if the kid is staying busy most of the time. Kids do need breaks from activities too. Maybe give him a choice of swimming to earn device time? Although like I said, downtime is also needed. It's tough and at 9 it's still a little young to start weaning off of sports that he obviously likes while he is doing them.
 
If he doesn't want to swim... ok, fine. But heck no if it is to get more sitting around time watching youtube or playing Fortnite.
I don't mind some of this if the kid is staying busy most of the time. Kids do need breaks from activities too. Maybe give him a choice of swimming to earn device time? Although like I said, downtime is also needed. It's tough and at 9 it's still a little young to start weaning off of sports that he obviously likes while he is doing them.
He has plenty of down time and spends 90% of it playing video games. Swim practice is about an hour 3 or 4 times a week. It is far from all consuming. I like the idea of swim equals earning video time.
 
Not exactly relevant to this thread but close enough and not worth it's own...

Coaching my sons school basketball team. I am the only coach for the team (three teams from his grade and 5 coaches.) We play at a few courts for practices as court time has a lot of mouths to feed (3rd-8th grade teams for boys basketball and 4th-8th girls volleyball which pretty much all have 2 teams and some 3).

On Friday night we were scheduled for a court I have never been at before. It was cold and I left my jacket so trying to figure it out I went to some doors and they were open. I walked in and could see what was clearly something sports related. I walked over and there was a gym. So.... great. I turned the lights on and flagged down the kids to come in there. There was this nagging feeling that something wasn't right but whatever... we had our practice. At one point, I saw someone kind of poke their head in and then they left.

Apparently, at this school there is an elementary school and a jr high school basically on the same lot of land using the same parking lot and so forth with the buildings separated by a walkway. We were the Jr High and supposed to be in the Elementary school. :lmao:
 
Not exactly relevant to this thread but close enough and not worth it's own...

Coaching my sons school basketball team. I am the only coach for the team (three teams from his grade and 5 coaches.) We play at a few courts for practices as court time has a lot of mouths to feed (3rd-8th grade teams for boys basketball and 4th-8th girls volleyball which pretty much all have 2 teams and some 3).

On Friday night we were scheduled for a court I have never been at before. It was cold and I left my jacket so trying to figure it out I went to some doors and they were open. I walked in and could see what was clearly something sports related. I walked over and there was a gym. So.... great. I turned the lights on and flagged down the kids to come in there. There was this nagging feeling that something wasn't right but whatever... we had our practice. At one point, I saw someone kind of poke their head in and then they left.

Apparently, at this school there is an elementary school and a jr high school basically on the same lot of land using the same parking lot and so forth with the buildings separated by a walkway. We were the Jr High and supposed to be in the Elementary school. :lmao:
Guess they should lock their doors...lucky it was you and not a bunch of kids looking to cause trouble
 
My son has been complaining a lot this swim season about swimming. The silly thing about it is that when he gets to practice I watch him have a good time, smiling, laughing- visibly enjoying himself. He takes pride in being 1st in line in his practice group because he is fastest, making the length of the pool in streamline practice with fins (only one in his practice age group), etc. However, since he is a young 9 years old he isn't winning races in meets being in the 10U. There are a lot of races that he ends up being the fastest 9 yr old. I keep trying to explain this to him because I know that he is super competitive and not winning tends to demotivate him rather than spur him on to try harder. He kept pushing and pushing to take a season off which I really don't want him to do because I know it will end up hurting him when he wants to win and will have the capability of winning a lot.

I walked him through that he is in the 1st of 4 seasons of being in 10U and that as he gets older and if he keeps swimming that in his last season, he will do a lot of winning based on how he is doing now against his competition. So, I proposed that next season, this upcoming Spring/Summer season, instead of taking it off that he would still do the season but instead of the 4 practices a week, could do 2-3 and then we would skip all the optional meets. I think this works out well. Me not spending as much time on taking him to swim etc will be helpful as a family we will still be going through some major medical things that are draining time and energy from me and then for him, he gets more time to play Fortnite or Roblox (which is really what he wants to do when not doing sports and whines about having to leave to go to practice) but doesn't miss out on a whole season and backtracks. Then when he is 10 in the Fall/Winter and then Spring/Summer seasons he can go back at it full speed where he will do well and be more motivated.

I also tried to explain to him how swim is very helpful for him in Football, soccer and basketball as well (the three sports he likes the most in order). I am not sure he really understands that or he thinks I am selling him on something. I wouldn't push on this so much if it wasn't that I knew the two big reasons he is not wanting to swim as much is he wants to play video games and because he isn't winning- when in reality, he is doing awesome and I can see how much it helps him be better in other sports, especially football.
 
Not exactly relevant to this thread but close enough and not worth it's own...

Coaching my sons school basketball team. I am the only coach for the team (three teams from his grade and 5 coaches.) We play at a few courts for practices as court time has a lot of mouths to feed (3rd-8th grade teams for boys basketball and 4th-8th girls volleyball which pretty much all have 2 teams and some 3).

On Friday night we were scheduled for a court I have never been at before. It was cold and I left my jacket so trying to figure it out I went to some doors and they were open. I walked in and could see what was clearly something sports related. I walked over and there was a gym. So.... great. I turned the lights on and flagged down the kids to come in there. There was this nagging feeling that something wasn't right but whatever... we had our practice. At one point, I saw someone kind of poke their head in and then they left.

Apparently, at this school there is an elementary school and a jr high school basically on the same lot of land using the same parking lot and so forth with the buildings separated by a walkway. We were the Jr High and supposed to be in the Elementary school. :lmao:
Guess they should lock their doors...lucky it was you and not a bunch of kids looking to cause trouble
This happens all the time here. The janitors don't know the schedule or even care. They are there anyway.
"look the part, be the part" -Prop Joe
 
So far the year has been manageable.

My oldest, my daughter (11), is in school volleyball and club volleyball.

My oldest son (9) is in basketball for school (I am coaching) and then he is in club swim.

My youngest son (7) pretty much just has swim lessons on Sun right now.

I have missed most of my daughters volleyball games for school. Club hasn't really started playing games yet. She has made all practices for both except 1 which was last night where I had her go to club practice over school. Otherwise, it has been picking up a few minutes early to get from one to another type thing.

My son has missed a lot of swim practice this year but he isn't exactly complaining about that between the end of football and then basketball so far. He missed one dual meet Tuesday because we had a basketball game.

I am starting to feel guilty about the little guy not doing more stuff. He does make comments once in a while but then again, he always has push back on getting ready for swim lessons. I do plan on having him go club swim for next season though.

I was really worried about things with my wife being out of the picture on helping drop off, take, watch games etc. For the most part, I have had a few friends help out on drop off or pick up here and there and for games she basically has hung out with her best buddy who is on the team and just went with them.
 
It looks like I made it... this last weekend was brutal though. Regional swim meets with warms ups starting at 7am on both Sat and Sun. Sat had basketball game then 3 Volleyball games. Sunday had swim lesson after the swim meet, with a birthday party thrown in and then 3 club volleyball games before heading to the school championship volleyball game. I am still recovering.



Some help here and there from friends or teammate parents got me through the last few months.



My sons swim season is done. His basketball season is wrapping up.



My daughters school volleyball season is done (ending in a championship). She has a couple months more of club volleyball.



Looking ahead...



Swim season will start in April. My youngest will be trying out so I would have two there.



My older son will have soccer starting likely sometime in April I believe.



The youngest has a little basketball development league I got him in.



My daughter will do the club volleyball and then maybe some volleyball clinic type stuff....



leading into summer which will have a bunch of camps/clinics to go to.
 
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It looks like I made it... this last weekend was brutal though. Regional swim meets with warms ups starting at 7am on both Sat and Sun. Sat had basketball game then 3 Volleyball games. Sunday had swim lesson after the swim meet, with a birthday party thrown in and then 3 club volleyball games before heading to the school championship volleyball game. I am still recovering.

Some help here and there from friends or teammate parents.

My sons swim season is done. His basketball season is wrapping up.

My daughters school volleyball season is done (ending in a championship). She has a couple months more of club volleyball.

Looking ahead...

Swim season will start in April. My youngest will be trying out so I would have two there.

My older son will have soccer starting likely sometime in April I believe.

The youngest has a little basketball development league I got him in.

My daughter will do the club volleyball and then maybe some volleyball clinic type stuff....

leading into summer which will have a bunch of camps/clinics to go to.
I started getting hives reading this......God bless you Chad.
 
It looks like I made it... this last weekend was brutal though. Regional swim meets with warms ups starting at 7am on both Sat and Sun. Sat had basketball game then 3 Volleyball games. Sunday had swim lesson after the swim meet, with a birthday party thrown in and then 3 club volleyball games before heading to the school championship volleyball game. I am still recovering.

Some help here and there from friends or teammate parents.

My sons swim season is done. His basketball season is wrapping up.

My daughters school volleyball season is done (ending in a championship). She has a couple months more of club volleyball.

Looking ahead...

Swim season will start in April. My youngest will be trying out so I would have two there.

My older son will have soccer starting likely sometime in April I believe.

The youngest has a little basketball development league I got him in.

My daughter will do the club volleyball and then maybe some volleyball clinic type stuff....

leading into summer which will have a bunch of camps/clinics to go to.
I started getting hives reading this......God bless you Chad.
Today was the first week day with nothing for any of them in.... I seriously don't remember. Has to be a couple of months.

It is crazy and even more so right now with my wife on the sidelines but I hope it is building memories for them and instilling life skills. And for me, I am cherishing it. In a few years down the road, it will all be over. They will move on in their lives and I will be reflecting back on these times watching them or coaching them or playing with them. It is a lot... it is tiring... but with the right perspective, I wouldn't trade it for anything I could do on my own with that time.
 
My kids have had other kids on their teams who do multiple sports at once, and miss games/practices. imo, it is detrimental to all involved......And I think it's kind of disrespectful to the team that the kid ends up choosing to miss the game/practice. It has been a competitive issue for our teams. I won't let my kids do multiple things unless they can commit to not missing anything based on scheduling conflicts.....which isn't likely to happen.
 
My kids have had other kids on their teams who do multiple sports at once, and miss games/practices. imo, it is detrimental to all involved......And I think it's kind of disrespectful to the team that the kid ends up choosing to miss the game/practice. It has been a competitive issue for our teams. I won't let my kids do multiple things unless they can commit to not missing anything based on scheduling conflicts.....which isn't likely to happen.
Here is how I see it.... I don't think it is an all or nothing proposition.

First, as for being detrimental to all involved, I have to disagree greatly with that. It certainly depends but I can tell you right now that for the athlete, I think there are tons of advantages for them being a multi-sport athlete. Being the cross training aspect that many times can help from one sport to the next in improving play. As an example, for my own son, there is no doubt in my mind that his involvement in swim contributed greatly to his success in football this year. As for being detrimental to the team, it certainly can be, as a coach I have that dynamic on my team as well as our sister teams (even more so for them) but then on the other side, if my 4 top players on our basketball team were made to choose between playing other sports or other teams and being on our team and those decided to not pay- I promise you that our team would not be the third seed in playoffs with a very good chance of winning the championship. We wouldn't have even made the playoffs- no amount of my coaching or the team playing together all the time would make up for the loss of talent. So, it is somewhat a matte of perspective in terms of it being detrimental to the team. If the players gone are truly missed then not having them at all would mean the team would be that much less of a team. Again, this is not an all or nothing thing here so it depends. For my team, some of my guys have missed some practices and games at times but at the same time they have all made it a priority to be there. Some of our sister teams had players who clearly made their other teams/sports a priority and the coaches were very frustrated. I get it.

For my son, his time at football and basketball this swim season, which were the priorities for practice time, certainly held him back on doing even better in swim that he did. Swim is his least favorite sport so that is something he is ok with even though he could really excel at it if he made it a higher priority.

As a parent, the way I approach this is that I am mindful of the commitments of our kids. We do try to limit conflicts and if there is too much conflict we will not move forward. If there is some conflict then we communicate clearly with the organizations and let them know about it and what they can expect from us. My son plays football, soccer and basketball with his school teams and then is on club swim. The school teams do not overlap at all and swim overlaps over all. I have communicated with the coaches at the swim club and they are aware, understand, accept it and support it. We looked at club soccer for him and I spoke with the coaching staff. They understood there would be conflict and were accepting of it. We finally decided that it would be too much conflict and opted to not go that route. My son also brought to me a flyer for wrestling and I shot that down quickly as again, it would be too much.

This year my daughter did both school and club volleyball and then she plays school basketball. There has been very little conflict actually. She has missed on a couple of practices from either and very little in terms of games. We left her club game after the first set of her last game to make it to her championship game for her school team. We just made the decisions based on what made the most sense. Now that school is done, there is no more conflict at all.

As a coach right now it is a 4th grade no cut "developmental" team. So, I try to give the kids equal playing time. Once we hit 6th grade there are still no cuts but it is about winning and there are tryouts for A teams and the rest go to B team/s. For the A teams, there is a higher level of expectation that the kids will make the team a priority. However, there may be some conflict. The playing time will be based on who make the team better. If there is a player missing time and it is hurting the team then their time will be reduced. If they miss a few practices but still make the team better, then they will get more playing time. The same approach I would have if a kid misses time due to injury, sickness or some other factor. I am not going to punish a kid simply because they have other things going on in their lives as well.

Ideally for athletes there are no conflicts and they can go from one season to the next but these days many sports are year round. Many young athletes have their 'top' sport and one, two or maybe even more other sports that they do as well. As with most things in life, it is about balance. You need to realize when two things may just have too much conflict with one another and then make a choice but to simply say not because there will be some conflict between sports is just too far. It limits the kids. Also, I have seen too much where kids who super focus on one sport end up burnt on it and flame out or end up with injuries because of just doing the same sport all the time.

I understand the perspective of committing to something as a life lesson. But on the other hand, adulthood is all about things conflicting and dealing with that as for priorities and balance. I think it is likely more destructive to not allow for anything else because there is any conflict.
 
Once we hit 6th grade there are still no cuts but it is about winning
This is still too young for it all to be about winning. This is still heavy in the development phase for these kids. Winning should be the goal of the players but as a coach you should still be all about development and not necessarily play the "best" kids all the time. Due to growth spurts, changes in focus, etc a puny guy could become the best player around by the time they are a sophomore or junior. In 6th grade, development should still be the primary focus of the coach and winning secondary.
 
If they miss a few practices but still make the team better, then they will get more playing time. The same approach I would have if a kid misses time due to injury, sickness or some other factor. I am not going to punish a kid simply because they have other things going on in their lives as well.
I am not sure if I agree with this. If a kid is choosing to prioritize something else over this commitment they should be "punished" for missing time. Other kids have committed and are there all the time and should be rewarded for sticking to their commitment. As a coach you need to be clear up front that if a player misses time for any reason other than injury that it will have consequences and you need to spell out what those consequences are. Part of the life lessons that should be taught that sometimes life has hard decisions and you must live with the consequences of those decisions. The kid can then choose what they want to do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sitting a kid because he missed practice to go to another sport. As long as you are clear up front and everyone understands the consequences of missing it is easy to navigate.

It's an opportunity to teach a very good life lesson.
 
About to wrap up basketball with the 10-year old (thank God) and moving right into flag football. Dropped $75 on a pair of cleats and a mouthguard for him yesterday, so I am praying that he will like playing. He is adamant that he's gonna dig it and not complain (like he's done with basketball).
 
You can still play multiple sports and not have conflicts. The issue today is offseason sport should not be the commitment and coaches want it that way. ie Spring Soccer and Baseball for example.

If its the in season sport the spring soccer coach should take a chill but since all sports have now became year round its unfair to some
 
but since all sports have now became year round its unfair to some
This is really the crux of the problem. It is starting to make single sport athletes a self fulfilling prophecy. You have to play year round or you fall behind and if you fall behind you won't make it. So you better choose one sport when you are 5 or you have no chance.

It really sucks as it is a detriment to athletes.
 
My kids have had other kids on their teams who do multiple sports at once, and miss games/practices. imo, it is detrimental to all involved......And I think it's kind of disrespectful to the team that the kid ends up choosing to miss the game/practice. It has been a competitive issue for our teams. I won't let my kids do multiple things unless they can commit to not missing anything based on scheduling conflicts.....which isn't likely to happen.
Really, really depends on the age of the kids.
 
This question always depends on the lessons you want to teach your kids. I encourage parents to have their kids play multiple sports over the course of the year. That said, my kids play one sport at a time...especially team sports. I want them to learn the sport, but more importantly, I want them to learn how to be a good teammate and dedicated to their team's success. That means being at all practices, being at all games, and doing all the things everyone else on the team is required to do by the coaches. Of course, that doesn't mean they can't play multiple team sports at a time, but you'd be remarkably lucky not to have conflicts over the course of the season.

As a coach, if I have to choose between two kids and one of them plays only the sport we are picking teams for and one that plays that sport plus others during the year, I am taking the one that plays others too even if the one sport kid is slightly better.
 
Once we hit 6th grade there are still no cuts but it is about winning
This is still too young for it all to be about winning. This is still heavy in the development phase for these kids. Winning should be the goal of the players but as a coach you should still be all about development and not necessarily play the "best" kids all the time. Due to growth spurts, changes in focus, etc a puny guy could become the best player around by the time they are a sophomore or junior. In 6th grade, development should still be the primary focus of the coach and winning secondary.
This is how the leagues/schools are constructed. 3-5th grades are 'developmental no cut' teams with a goal of 'equal' time played. 6-8th grades are no cut but A and B teams with no commitment to time played.

Development happens all the time in practice and my goal is to develop each one of them. I spend just as much time on the kid who has zero athletic ability, zero understanding of the anything we do in practice or the game and pays zero attention as I do the best players on the team. My goal is to make each one better from where they were before. That is all about practice. I don't think that Jr High needs to be treated like elementary school in giving equal time. They really need to start learning that they have to earn the playing time at this age and that it isn't given out to everyone regardless of what they do or do not do. My approach in practice won't change when I get to 6th grade with my boys but I likely will be coaching the A team and I will coach the games to win and not develop lesser players.

Difference in philosophy I suppose but mine fits in with our school and leagues approach as well.
 
This question always depends on the lessons you want to teach your kids. I encourage parents to have their kids play multiple sports over the course of the year. That said, my kids play one sport at a time...especially team sports. I want them to learn the sport, but more importantly, I want them to learn how to be a good teammate and dedicated to their team's success. That means being at all practices, being at all games, and doing all the things everyone else on the team is required to do by the coaches. Of course, that doesn't mean they can't play multiple team sports at a time, but you'd be remarkably lucky not to have conflicts over the course of the season.

As a coach, if I have to choose between two kids and one of them plays only the sport we are picking teams for and one that plays that sport plus others during the year, I am taking the one that plays others too even if the one sport kid is slightly better.
I agree with this sentiment 💯

We've already noticed at relatively young ages our kids "teams" seem more like a gathering of individuals that are purely there for their own development......or they are only partially bought in for various reasons.....some of these kids will likely not continue on with the sport.

We do not promote that with our kids. In fact, my daughter, who is playing competitive club VB, is learning how to be a good teammate......the friendships you make, along with the overall experience, can last a lifetime. She is often frustrated by the lack of buy in from some of the girls......there are several girls who miss tournaments, and practices because of other obligations. It is a source of frustration for our daughter. She is 100% every day.....like you said, what life lessons are trying to teach?
 
This question always depends on the lessons you want to teach your kids. I encourage parents to have their kids play multiple sports over the course of the year. That said, my kids play one sport at a time...especially team sports. I want them to learn the sport, but more importantly, I want them to learn how to be a good teammate and dedicated to their team's success. That means being at all practices, being at all games, and doing all the things everyone else on the team is required to do by the coaches. Of course, that doesn't mean they can't play multiple team sports at a time, but you'd be remarkably lucky not to have conflicts over the course of the season.

As a coach, if I have to choose between two kids and one of them plays only the sport we are picking teams for and one that plays that sport plus others during the year, I am taking the one that plays others too even if the one sport kid is slightly better.
I agree with this sentiment 💯

We've already noticed at relatively young ages our kids "teams" seem more like a gathering of individuals that are purely there for their own development......or they are only partially bought in for various reasons.....some of these kids will likely not continue on with the sport.

We do not promote that with our kids. In fact, my daughter, who is playing competitive club VB, is learning how to be a good teammate......the friendships you make, along with the overall experience, can last a lifetime. She is often frustrated by the lack of buy in from some of the girls......there are several girls who miss tournaments, and practices because of other obligations. It is a source of frustration for our daughter. She is 100% every day.....like you said, what life lessons are trying to teach?
My daughter is on a competitive cheer team and she gets so mad when girls don't come to practice....she's 11. It's a little different with cheer though. If someone doesn't show up for a competition, they can't perform unless it's one that is a spotter etc. Everyone has a role in the routine and there are no substitutes. Everyone participates.

My son plays baseball. I played from age 3 through high school and one year in college before blowing out my knee. I have coached baseball for almost 15 years and have learned to avoid the kids in rec leagues who are also on travel teams. I won't take a kid that's already on a travel team.
 
If they miss a few practices but still make the team better, then they will get more playing time. The same approach I would have if a kid misses time due to injury, sickness or some other factor. I am not going to punish a kid simply because they have other things going on in their lives as well.
I am not sure if I agree with this. If a kid is choosing to prioritize something else over this commitment they should be "punished" for missing time. Other kids have committed and are there all the time and should be rewarded for sticking to their commitment. As a coach you need to be clear up front that if a player misses time for any reason other than injury that it will have consequences and you need to spell out what those consequences are. Part of the life lessons that should be taught that sometimes life has hard decisions and you must live with the consequences of those decisions. The kid can then choose what they want to do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sitting a kid because he missed practice to go to another sport. As long as you are clear up front and everyone understands the consequences of missing it is easy to navigate.

It's an opportunity to teach a very good life lesson.
So... real life example...
We typically have 2 practices a week.

I have one kid who is one of our top 4 players. He will often miss one practice a week but sometimes will make both. When he is at practice, he gives 100% game level effort and is locked in. Does everything asked of him with not only no complaint but a smile. We have one in bounds play and he knows the job of each position in it.

I have one kid who is the least capable player in the entire two leagues that we play in. He can't catch the ball 9 out of 10 times regardless of how easily it is thrown to him. We have the most basic 'offense' I could come up with which is literally 1 = screen, 2 = give and go, 3 = pick and roll.... which we have practices almost every single practice since the start of the season and he still has no idea what is happening with them in practices or games. He has no clue what to do in the inbounds play. He never pays attention at all. Never runs full speed. I promise you that it hasn't been due to lack of effort or attention on my part. It has been a challenge to me to help him but I have failed. He has improved though where before he could not get the ball to the rim, he now, if under the basket, can make a basket- so there is a win for him as he has improved.

Now, on this team, everyone plays and the goal is roughly same playing time. BUT if that was not the case- there is no way that I am going to sit the kid that gives me everything at practice and misses a practice here and there over a kid there is there for all the practices but really isn't there.

I don't have any kids that always miss practice. If I did, then that is a different story. But a missed practice here and there is not something I am going to care about. I don't even ask or care about why they missed practice (except sometimes I joke around with the boys when they tell me that will miss a practice).

Life lessons can be taught in many ways and differently with various purposes. Sitting a kid in this league isn't really an option anyways but if it was I still would not have the 'miss practice and sit the game' approach. That just isn't how I coach. I press the importance of practice and how it impacts their ability to play and win. That is more of a life lesson to me than being able to play or not.
 
My kids have had other kids on their teams who do multiple sports at once, and miss games/practices. imo, it is detrimental to all involved......And I think it's kind of disrespectful to the team that the kid ends up choosing to miss the game/practice. It has been a competitive issue for our teams. I won't let my kids do multiple things unless they can commit to not missing anything based on scheduling conflicts.....which isn't likely to happen.
Really, really depends on the age of the kids.
I think that that is very true too. I have said as much to other coaches... as they get older most will make their choices on their own anyways. If they don't.... the sports themselves tend to make the choices for them. The younger they are they are still learning and experiencing sports. They may not even know what they like or don't like. They are trying things out and exposure to multiple sports should be encouraged.
 
Development happens all the time in practice and my goal is to develop each one of them. I spend just as much time on the kid who has zero athletic ability, zero understanding of the anything we do in practice or the game and pays zero attention as I do the best players on the team. My goal is to make each one better from where they were before. That is all about practice. I don't think that Jr High needs to be treated like elementary school in giving equal time. They really need to start learning that they have to earn the playing time at this age and that it isn't given out to everyone regardless of what they do or do not do.
I never said things needed to be about equal time. But game experience and play cannot be taught in practice. There is a different pressure etc. Play doesn't have to be equal and needs to be earned but everyone should get some time at this age group. It's where they start to learn that working hard in practice to get better does get rewarded with more play time in the game. Then you must prove yourself in the game to keep that play time in the game. Play time is earned in practice but kept by performing in the game.

As a coach winning shouldn't be your goal at this age group. It's a byproduct of working in practice with every player as you have described. I think we are basically saying the same thing.
 
We've already noticed at relatively young ages our kids "teams" seem more like a gathering of individuals that are purely there for their own development......or they are only partially bought in for various reasons.....some of these kids will likely not continue on with the sport.

We do not promote that with our kids. In fact, my daughter, who is playing competitive club VB, is learning how to be a good teammate......the friendships you make, along with the overall experience, can last a lifetime. She is often frustrated by the lack of buy in from some of the girls......there are several girls who miss tournaments, and practices because of other obligations. It is a source of frustration for our daughter. She is 100% every day.....like you said, what life lessons are trying to teach?

I am noticing that kids are quitting or not even going out for HS sports because they aren't getting playing time so they don't even want to bother. It is causing some issues as teams are losing numbers to the point it's hard to even have a starting lineup in some sports.

There is so much more about being on a team than how much I am playing. Practice time and pushing starters or getting better to become a starter are huge life lessons that carry over to all aspects of life. Too many kids are just giving up because it's too hard or they don't get what they want rather than working and being part of something bigger.

It's really sad that the individual is becoming more important than the team.
 
Life lessons can be taught in many ways and differently with various purposes. Sitting a kid in this league isn't really an option anyways but if it was I still would not have the 'miss practice and sit the game' approach. That just isn't how I coach. I press the importance of practice and how it impacts their ability to play and win. That is more of a life lesson to me than being able to play or not.
You can have diminished play time for missed practice. They don't have to miss an entire game necessarily but there should be some consequence to missing practice. This is where as a coach you outline your expectations for attendance and outline the consequences if they are not met. Then follow throught regardless of the talent level of the kid. This is coaching 101.

As far as your example, there are some kids that are there at these ages because their parents make them play. This is unfortunate for everyone involved. I have had kids as you described and talked to them on their own to see what they want out of playing and see why they might be having the struggles you describe. Sometimes it's because the kid just doesn't care. Sometimes it's because they just don't have the ability but want to try. Sounds like this kid doesn't even try and is just going through the motions. There is play time consequences for that as well.

I don't think I am saying anything you don't already know. I believe we are probably mostly on the same page for all this. Each situation is different but there should be consequences laid out and then followed. That is really all I am saying.
 
Life lessons can be taught in many ways and differently with various purposes. Sitting a kid in this league isn't really an option anyways but if it was I still would not have the 'miss practice and sit the game' approach. That just isn't how I coach. I press the importance of practice and how it impacts their ability to play and win. That is more of a life lesson to me than being able to play or not.
You can have diminished play time for missed practice. They don't have to miss an entire game necessarily but there should be some consequence to missing practice. This is where as a coach you outline your expectations for attendance and outline the consequences if they are not met. Then follow throught regardless of the talent level of the kid. This is coaching 101.

As far as your example, there are some kids that are there at these ages because their parents make them play. This is unfortunate for everyone involved. I have had kids as you described and talked to them on their own to see what they want out of playing and see why they might be having the struggles you describe. Sometimes it's because the kid just doesn't care. Sometimes it's because they just don't have the ability but want to try. Sounds like this kid doesn't even try and is just going through the motions. There is play time consequences for that as well.

I don't think I am saying anything you don't already know. I believe we are probably mostly on the same page for all this. Each situation is different but there should be consequences laid out and then followed. That is really all I am saying.
Yes, I am much more situational oriented and at this level it just isn't an expectation that I am going to have and set that if you miss practice you will miss playing time. As the kids get older, there can be more of a focus on that but it is still not within my style of coaching to set that kind of expectation. I am just never going to set that expectation personally as a coach. If a kid is working hard, doing what the need to do and are a good team mate but miss a few practices balancing other commitments then I am not going to hold that against them. On the other hand, if someone is never there then that is going to reflect on their ability to contribute and they will miss playing time naturally because of that. I drive home with my kids the three ways they get better is watching, practicing and playing. It is built upon each in that order. It is built into how I approach and teach the game in that way.... so yes, in way, we are mostly on the same page. The big difference is that I don't think you need to set that expectation and follow through with the consequences. I think that it will be reflected in how they are or are not getting better and they will earn or lose playing time as a result.
 
A clear expectation I set with my team this year at the beginning of the year was that if they shot a 3 pointer without my direction then they would sit. Just because they all want to be Curry launching 3's all the time. I have eased up on that as I drove him them shooting within their individual ranges and they have for the most part understood and played that way. The other game time expectation was that if they don't give my a high five coming off the court in a substitution they will sit the rest of the game.

The other expectations were for practice if I was talking and they were too.... or dribbling or messing around or whatever else not paying attention in drills etc... they would be running laps. If they sit during practice, they will be running laps. Or if they were negative in any way to a team mate.... they would be running laps.

Most everything else I do is more about learning concepts like I mentioned above getting better is all about watching, practicing and playing and that goes into our 'offense' which was literally just the most basic building blocks of basketball offenses and we play man defense (most teams in our league play some form of zone). I have done that with the expectation that we may end up losing some games this year but that in the long run it is best for their development. I rather not teach them a couple of offensive plays that are meaningless to them next year or further down the line. But if I can get them to understand how to successfully run a screen, give and go, pick and roll etc then they can take that with them for as long as they play basketball.
 
I am just never going to set that expectation personally as a coach. If a kid is working hard, doing what the need to do and are a good team mate but miss a few practices balancing other commitments then I am not going to hold that against them.
So how do you handle parents and players that ask about how come Johnny misses half the practices (to your example missing one of two practices every week) and still gets to play while Billy misses practices and doesn't get to play as much? And what about Tommy that is there every day working hard and Johnny gets more playing time when he misses practices? Everyone watching practice will see something different. While you may see Johnny as great someone else won't especially if he is taking time away from their kid when him misses half the practices.

This will happen which is why setting expectations and following through with them for EVERYONE is very clear and avoids these situations. I just don't understand your hesitation to be clear with expectations or why missing practices doesn't appear to be an issue as long as the kid is good and works hard. Showing up is part of being a good teammate so if you aren't showing up that is a serious negative in the teammate column.
 
We've already noticed at relatively young ages our kids "teams" seem more like a gathering of individuals that are purely there for their own development......or they are only partially bought in for various reasons.....some of these kids will likely not continue on with the sport.

We do not promote that with our kids. In fact, my daughter, who is playing competitive club VB, is learning how to be a good teammate......the friendships you make, along with the overall experience, can last a lifetime. She is often frustrated by the lack of buy in from some of the girls......there are several girls who miss tournaments, and practices because of other obligations. It is a source of frustration for our daughter. She is 100% every day.....like you said, what life lessons are trying to teach?

I am noticing that kids are quitting or not even going out for HS sports because they aren't getting playing time so they don't even want to bother. It is causing some issues as teams are losing numbers to the point it's hard to even have a starting lineup in some sports.

There is so much more about being on a team than how much I am playing. Practice time and pushing starters or getting better to become a starter are huge life lessons that carry over to all aspects of life. Too many kids are just giving up because it's too hard or they don't get what they want rather than working and being part of something bigger.

It's really sad that the individual is becoming more important than the team.
The transfer portal in college athletics does not help this mentality. NIL is a huge contributor as well......I don't envy anyone having to deal with those kinds of things.
 
I am just never going to set that expectation personally as a coach. If a kid is working hard, doing what the need to do and are a good team mate but miss a few practices balancing other commitments then I am not going to hold that against them.
So how do you handle parents and players that ask about how come Johnny misses half the practices (to your example missing one of two practices every week) and still gets to play while Billy misses practices and doesn't get to play as much? And what about Tommy that is there every day working hard and Johnny gets more playing time when he misses practices? Everyone watching practice will see something different. While you may see Johnny as great someone else won't especially if he is taking time away from their kid when him misses half the practices.

This will happen which is why setting expectations and following through with them for EVERYONE is very clear and avoids these situations. I just don't understand your hesitation to be clear with expectations or why missing practices doesn't appear to be an issue as long as the kid is good and works hard. Showing up is part of being a good teammate so if you aren't showing up that is a serious negative in the teammate column.
Well... part of it at this level is that they are supposed to get roughly the same amount of playing time as that is the direction we have from the league and the school. The expectation that I set with the parents was that overall that I would look to do that- some games some may not get as much time as others. I also told them that it would be a struggle for me because last year I had another coach who did a great job of keeping track of that and on top of that I am very competitive so I will have to pull myself back at times. When we have blown out other teams then I have been able to make up for some not even playing time from other games that were closer games. Though playing time is roughly close there are obvious tiers of playing time. My stars do get a bit more time than others, following by my second tier guys who get a little less and then my two boys whom I love to death but are.... without exaggeration.... the least capable ball players out of the two leagues and tournament we played... and they get slightly less time than that second level. Also- this has been an area where having kids on multiple teams/sports has helped because there have been a couple of games that they played almost all if not all the time because I was missing players. I have had no complaints at all. If there was a complaint, then I am sure I would have heard it as this is a private school and the parents tend to not be shy of expressing themselves. I set the expectation of what I was going to do and have done it and it is within the expectations set by the league/school so that is why I haven't had any issues.

When I have talked to club teams- whether we did them or not, one of the first things I asked was about their expectations on multi-sport athletes. For clubs, they ought to be very clear about what they expect and as a parent, I would respect that. I don't think it should be a universal expectation and I don't think as a coach, I need to approach it as you do. As I stated before, I am much more situational and relationship based. One of the concepts I coach is being flexible. I would be a ridiculous coach to push that as a concept and then turn around and not be flexible as a coach.
 
The sports landscape has totally changed since we were kids. Nowadays, kids don't go out and play sports as much as they used to because they are at sport practice or sport lesson or sport game. It's become big money.

My daughter plays softball. Since she's been 8 she's been taking pitching and hitting lessons. Throwing 3-4x a week. Hitting 3-4x a week. Practicing 3x a week. Playing fall tournaments, going to winter clinics, playing spring and summer tournaments. We travel all over the place. It's time consuming and expensive.

My advice after doing this is don't specialize at an early age. Play a fall sport. Then play a winter sport. Then play a spring sport. Then spend the summer at the beach.
 
The sports landscape has totally changed since we were kids. Nowadays, kids don't go out and play sports as much as they used to because they are at sport practice or sport lesson or sport game. It's become big money.

My daughter plays softball. Since she's been 8 she's been taking pitching and hitting lessons. Throwing 3-4x a week. Hitting 3-4x a week. Practicing 3x a week. Playing fall tournaments, going to winter clinics, playing spring and summer tournaments. We travel all over the place. It's time consuming and expensive.

My advice after doing this is don't specialize at an early age. Play a fall sport. Then play a winter sport. Then play a spring sport. Then spend the summer at the beach.
It is a huge industry with a lot of money being made all over the place.

When I was growing up there wasn't a sliver of what there is now. Club teams exploding for all sports, tons of clinics/camps, private coaching, etc. None of that is new but none of it was available like it is now when I was young. One thing that has really changed is the all year round nature of sports. There were no options for playing basketball in club all year long when I was in club ball. You had basketball season and then you didn't.... so you played pick up ball at your house or friends house or went to the park. Then in the summer maybe your high school had a week long camp and then again wait until the season started. If you didn't make the club team or didn't want to play club then you played in the city rec league. End of options.
 
My 10 y.o. son is starting club, and little league baseball this month. There will be conflicts, and I didnt really want him to do both.......but club, for better or worse, is killing little league. I wasn't even sure we'd have enough coaches, so I signed him up for a club team. I'm going to assist in both. We are gonna have A LOT of baseball over the next couple months. My goal is to keep it light and fun for my kid. It's a a great game. I don't want him to hate it
 
My 10 y.o. son is starting club, and little league baseball this month. There will be conflicts, and I didnt really want him to do both.......but club, for better or worse, is killing little league. I wasn't even sure we'd have enough coaches, so I signed him up for a club team. I'm going to assist in both. We are gonna have A LOT of baseball over the next couple months. My goal is to keep it light and fun for my kid. It's a a great game. I don't want him to hate it
By "club" do you mean travel ball or is it just a different youth baseball organization than LL?
 
My 10 y.o. son is starting club, and little league baseball this month. There will be conflicts, and I didnt really want him to do both.......but club, for better or worse, is killing little league. I wasn't even sure we'd have enough coaches, so I signed him up for a club team. I'm going to assist in both. We are gonna have A LOT of baseball over the next couple months. My goal is to keep it light and fun for my kid. It's a a great game. I don't want him to hate it
Did he want to sign up for both?
 
This is definitely a self fulfilling prophecy that may have already gone over the tipping point. While specializing on one sport is not required to be elite (elite athleticism is actually the requirement) it has become somewhat necessary for the lesser athletes to stay competitive at a young age. The problem is the specialization does lead to burn out and repetitive movement injuries but if you aren't doing it you are falling behind and if you aren't one of the best athletes for your age you are at a disadvantage. The sport matters as well. The article identifies rowing and I would guess that the intricacies of rowing mechanics/sport strategy aren't critical to develop from a very young age. It is more of a coordinating/strength sport that you can develop somewhat quickly as an older start.

It has become the norm because if you don't you do fall behind and unless you are one of the super athletically gifted athletes you will be at a disadvantage. This is the unfortunate byproduct of this trend. How much it affects you is also contingent on your area and how competitive/number of kids trying to play that sport are. Essentially, are you a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond? That has just as much influence on the need for year round as almost everything else.

It would be nice if there was an overarching youth sports tzar that would limit the seasons to 3 months (four seasons for the year) so that kids can participate in more than one sport without falling far behind. It really will take the cooperation of youth coaches to not be selfish and require their players to play year round or "lose their spot". It needs to be more cooperative.
 
The sports landscape has totally changed since we were kids. Nowadays, kids don't go out and play sports as much as they used to because they are at sport practice or sport lesson or sport game. It's become big money.

My daughter plays softball. Since she's been 8 she's been taking pitching and hitting lessons. Throwing 3-4x a week. Hitting 3-4x a week. Practicing 3x a week. Playing fall tournaments, going to winter clinics, playing spring and summer tournaments. We travel all over the place. It's time consuming and expensive.

My advice after doing this is don't specialize at an early age. Play a fall sport. Then play a winter sport. Then play a spring sport. Then spend the summer at the beach.
I have the same experience as you for the most part. So much depends on the sport though. Some sports, football for example, there is no need to play year round and honestly no need to play before high school. The kids who skip youth football catch up in like a week at the varsity level.

Other sports are the opposite. Baseball and soccer if you are “only” playing 1 season per calendar year, it’s close to impossible to compete with the kids that do it year round. If you try to ramp it up later, it’s probably too late. Maybe that’s ok, though. It just depends on your goals.
 


It would be nice if there was an overarching youth sports tzar that would limit the seasons to 3 months (four seasons for the year) so that kids can participate in more than one sport without falling far behind. It really will take the cooperation of youth coaches to not be selfish and require their players to play year round or "lose their spot". It needs to be more cooperative.
That would have to be a world wide edict if it were to happen to make it fair across the board.

Even if it feels at times the US is going overboard with too singular a focus on sports, we don't even compare to how the vast majority of the world works when it comes to development and a focus on a single sport from a young age.
 


Other sports are the opposite. Baseball and soccer if you are “only” playing 1 season per calendar year, it’s close to impossible to compete with the kids that do it year round. If you try to ramp it up later, it’s probably too late. Maybe that’s ok, though. It just depends on your goals.

yes, this is very true. Some sports you can literally pick up as a late teen and still become a pro. Other sports like the ones you mentioned, take many many more years of development to hope to become a pro.

As you said, it all depends on goals. A young kids goal is usually "I want to be a pro", with no understanding of what it takes to be one of the few. And a parents goal, at least in the US, is almost always "scholarship!", with out realizing just how much money and time they will shell out for their kids over the years who has no chance at a scholarship.
 

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