You've been stranded on an island for a year (1 Viewer)

[Monkian]

The island can't cure meats.  It's not some fantasy island.  It's just that this type of pig automatically cooks and turns into bacon when it dies.  You know, island boars.  And the captain is busy sailing the boat.  He's not cooking anything.  Dude can barely cook toast.  He attended culinary school when he was young and failed out.  It was sad.  They hadn't even really gotten to the tough classes yet.  Guy was having trouble with the basics of cooking.  After that, he decided to go into the Navy.  Sailing was in his blood but he had always wanted to pursue his dream of being a Michelin starred chef in the restaurant he owned.  But alas, that dream had been crushed.  And he would become a ship's captain like his father and his father before him.

Also, you can get a can of Spam.  Just not microwaved.

I'm not buying it that there is a self-curing island boar that hasn't been exploited to the point of extinction. We work to destroy out ecosystem, no way free bacon gets a pass. No way in hell. 

And if this guy can't "cook" toast, no way is he a boat captain, and certainly not ex-Navy. Sounds more like Marine material to me.

My guess is the real captain is locked in the brig, mutinied by the failed-chef-turned-washed-up-first-mate with a dictitorial streak who couldn't measure up to the standards of his fore-fathers. If you can find a way to free the Captain and help regain command of the ship, I'm quite willing to bet you'll be served the finest prepared meals the seven-seas has to offer, in any combination you desire.

 

[TheIronSheik]

I'm not buying it that there is a self-curing island boar that hasn't been exploited to the point of extinction. We work to destroy out ecosystem, no way free bacon gets a pass. No way in hell. 

And if this guy can't "cook" toast, no way is he a boat captain, and certainly not ex-Navy. Sounds more like Marine material to me.

My guess is the real captain is locked in the brig, mutinied by the failed-chef-turned-washed-up-first-mate with a dictitorial streak who couldn't measure up to the standards of his fore-fathers. If you can find a way to free the Captain and help regain command of the ship, I'm quite willing to bet you'll be served the finest prepared meals the seven-seas has to offer, in any combination you desire.

I wouldn't mess with these guys.  They definitely have Dutch accents, but they are flying under a French flag.  Something seems off.  They have offered you food and have rescued you from the loneliness of the island, but something doesn't seem right.  Every time you've inquired about an actual meal, the crew has exchanged silent glances that seem to have spoken volumes to each other.  

 

[heckmanm]

I wouldn't mess with these guys.  They definitely have Dutch accents, but they are flying under a French flag.  Something seems off.  They have offered you food and have rescued you from the loneliness of the island, but something doesn't seem right.  Every time you've inquired about an actual meal, the crew has exchanged silent glances that seem to have spoken volumes to each other.  

Perhaps the flag is just hanging sideways?

 

[skol asylum]

Ice cold coca cola.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

this deal is getting worse all the time...

True, might as well just stay on the island and have Amazon drop off a volleyball.

 

[Gawain]

Ice cold coca cola.

You can either have Coke or Cola, but Sheik was clear you can't get both.

 

[TheIronSheik]

You can either have Coke or Cola, but Sheik was clear you can't get both.

It's a gray area.  I allowed bread and butter.  And chips and salsa.  Those things seem to go together.  

 

[Gawain]

It's a gray area.  I allowed bread and butter.  And chips and salsa.  Those things seem to go together.  

Ahh, then Coke and an RC please.

 

[Buckychudd]

It's a gray area.  I allowed bread and butter.  And chips and salsa.  Those things seem to go together.  

He better not get ice at least.

 

[IvanKaramazov]

this deal is getting worse all the time...

The captain is altering the deal.  Pray he doesn't alter it further.

 

[The Iguana]

block of cheese and some crackers - probably a nice sharp cheddar and some ritz. once I have the ritz, the captain will be serving up anything I want or I start flinging those things across the room like ninja stars. 

2nd place is chips and salsa. 

 

[IvanKaramazov]

Serious question -- What is the labor market like in the place that the captain is taking me to?  Will I be able to find gainful employment with a one-year gap on my resume?

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

One thing.  Are you trying to upset the Dutch captain?  Because, honestly, you don't want to.  Dude is a black belt.

Judo is big over there.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

I wouldn't mess with these guys.  They definitely have Dutch accents, but they are flying under a French flag.  Something seems off.  They have offered you food and have rescued you from the loneliness of the island, but something doesn't seem right.  Every time you've inquired about an actual meal, the crew has exchanged silent glances that seem to have spoken volumes to each other.  

Well in this case I would ask for something which would make my muscles bitter and revolting tasting and my bung hole raspy as 80 grit sandpaper..

 

[-OZ-]

Fava beans and a nice Chianti

 

[Juxtatarot]

I think I’d go with watermelon.

 

[TheIronSheik]

Serious question -- What is the labor market like in the place that the captain is taking me to?  Will I be able to find gainful employment with a one-year gap on my resume?

When you inquire about where we are headed, one person says France and another says Crimea.  The one who said France gives a stare of daggers at the other crew member, then tells you that you should eat your snack and not ask anymore questions.  He gives you a raggedy blanket and escorts you to your new home for the next couple of weeks.  As you enter your cabin, you notice that there is a padlock on the outside of the door.  But before you can say anything, you are pushed into the doorway, stumbling against the far steel wall.  As your face cools against the metal, you hear the door slam shut and the clanking of a chain being moved around the metal handle.  One final metallic click is the last sound you hear, before you realize you are in a windowless room with nothing more than your stained blanket and newly acquired unanswered questions. 

 

[ChiefD]

Two steak sandwiches. I'd have him put it on the Underhill's bill.

 

[rustycolts]

There's only been coconuts, fish and maybe some bacon from boars that, when they die, their meat cooks instantly into bacon.

On day 367 (yes, it was a leap year), a boat comes into view.  You know your time of solitude is over as you being to wave wildly at the freighter and it turns course to you.  A small boat eventually lands on shore to whisk you away, back to the boat, and happiness flows through your entire core.  As you approach the vessel, the savior sailor says to you, "You must be starving.  We have pretty much everything on this ship.  What can I get you to eat?"

So, you can ask for anything that is not prepared food.  This is something that can be given to you right away.  Because of some weird regulation that the ship goes by, you can only request out one item at a time.  So no asking for multiple things.  You eat something.  Than you can request something else later.  The captain doesn't believe in wasting things so he's strict on this rule and will not break it for any reason.

What's the one thing you want after being away for a year?

I'm not sure if I'd go sweet with a Snickers bar.  Or salty with Pringles.    

I'd probably like to use my O face.

 

[Buckychudd]

When you inquire about where we are headed, one person says France and another says Crimea.  The one who said France gives a stare of daggers at the other crew member, then tells you that you should eat your snack and not ask anymore questions.  He gives you a raggedy blanket and escorts you to your new home for the next couple of weeks.  As you enter your cabin, you notice that there is a padlock on the outside of the door.  But before you can say anything, you are pushed into the doorway, stumbling against the far steel wall.  As your face cools against the metal, you hear the door slam shut and the clanking of a chain being moved around the metal handle.  One final metallic click is the last sound you hear, before you realize you are in a windowless room with nothing more than your stained blanket and newly acquired unanswered questions. 

I never should have left my magical self-frying bacon pigs. It’s a discovery potentially worth billions and captain ######## is going to steal it. 

 

[msommer]

In light of the latest developments I guess I'll eat whatever they serve through the slit in the door and fervently hope for a toilet bucket to be brought in

 

[Man of Constant Sorrow]

Groovy Brownies

 

[Monkian]

When you inquire about where we are headed, one person says France and another says Crimea.  The one who said France gives a stare of daggers at the other crew member, then tells you that you should eat your snack and not ask anymore questions.  He gives you a raggedy blanket and escorts you to your new home for the next couple of weeks.  As you enter your cabin, you notice that there is a padlock on the outside of the door.  But before you can say anything, you are pushed into the doorway, stumbling against the far steel wall.  As your face cools against the metal, you hear the door slam shut and the clanking of a chain being moved around the metal handle.  One final metallic click is the last sound you hear, before you realize you are in a windowless room with nothing more than your stained blanket and newly acquired unanswered questions. 

Was my blanket stained before or after I was locked in a windowless room by potential international smugglers/traffickers/eccentric cooks?

 

[Wrigley]

Mmmmmmm bacon 

 

[The Iguana]

more people should have opted for ritz crackers. we could have defended ourselves!

 

[Fred Lane]

Pistachio nuts...without the shell (unless that is considered prepared...)

 

[xulf]

Block of velveta.

 

[WDIK2]

Almond Joy bar.  All that time I was eating coconuts I'm sure I would be thinking, "damn, this would be so good with some chocolate and almonds."

Serious answer might be a honeycrisp apple.   

 

[shuke]

Beer

 

[NotSmart]

Burnt toast and a rotten egg.

I've got a tapeworm and it's good enough for 'em.

 

[CurlyNight]

Panera chips and quality iced tea.

 

[Leroy Hoard]

Burnt toast and a rotten egg.

I've got a tapeworm and it's good enough for 'em.

I think we found the missing Stooge.